"Gross" and "okay" fetishes? Kinkshaming?

[peach]

I've been thinking of this for some time... I wish our fetish was "normalized" and people would be more accepting and open-minded in general. That's where my inner cognitive dissonance arises...

There are a ton of fetishes I accept, but there are also some that I find gross (burp, fart, vomit, poop, etc), and some that hurt other people/animals, which is not acceptable at all (killing pets with heels, zoophilia, pedophilia, rapists). Of course, the latter will and should never be accepted by the society since they're harmful. What about the non-harmful fetishes? I feel like I'm kinkshaming some of them in my thoughts, and that's making me feel like I'm no better than those who kinkshame sneeze fetish... 😔 What do you think? 

 

[HornedSerpent]

I think you can still personally feel turned off/grossed out by something and at the same time know that is your own, personal feelings on it and not make other people feel bad for liking what they do. I definitely have things that I'm repulsed by, like vomit and such, as you say, because I have a visceral reaction to that that I can't control. But I can still know that some people like it and that's fine, and that it's not for me.

 

[TheBowler]

This has always been my gut feeling (but I also looked it up just to be safe) but kink shaming isn't really about the kink itself. You can feel however you want about a specific fetish, and it's not kink shaming. The moment it becomes kink shaming is when you start using those words like 'gross' to describe the people with the fetish.

You're not a bad person for being grossed out by other fetishes. However, there are probably people in those communities that feel the same way about us and our fetish, not to mention the rest of the world as well. So I don't think this is something that'll ever be truly 'normalized.' But I do think people should realize that it's just a part of who we are, not our whole self. Theres a lot more to a person that what turns them on, yet others will still try to define them based on that alone. If that behavior is eliminated, that's 'normalized' enough if you ask me.

Edited July 27, 2019 by TheBowler

[Zwee]

9 hours ago, TheBowler said:

I do think people should realize that it's just a part of who we are, not our whole self. Theres a lot more to a person that what turns them on, yet others will still try to define them based on that alone. If that behavior is eliminated, that's 'normalized' enough if you ask me.

I totally agree with this and I think you summed it up perfectly! As long as the fetish or especially the way the person engages with the fetish isn't harmful to people or animals, the fetish/kink should be seen as a part of us, not our entire identity.

This is an interesting topic and an interesting distinction!

[doggo]

Being grossed out and shaming are totally different things. Being grossed out is an involuntary reaction, but to shame someone you need to make the decision to shame.

[Niceguy]

The only sexual more that is needed is CONSENT. Beyond that, all people should live and let live. If something's not for you? That's cool, you dont have to partake. If you LIKE something, no one else is right to shame for that. Consent is all that matters.

 (At least that's how IT SHOULD be anyway.)

(And CONSENT comes with the usual legal caveats here: neither a child, nor an animal can legally consent. This is how I use the term here.)

[Raistlin]

It's not surprising or hypocritical for someone with one fetish to instinctively judge other fetishes that strike them as gross or silly.  It's very much a part of the normal human reaction to unexpected or non-standard behaviors, particularly in the area of sex and gender expression.  Trans people can be very unkind and judgmental toward other trans people who are transitioning or expressing their gender in a different way.  Gay people can be homophobic toward other gay people for acting "too gay".  People with one kink can unconsciously and reflexively judge people with other kinks.  Once you're aware of it, practice some intentional empathy, for the other person, but also for yourself.  Judging others and yourself are usually related, not just in terms of kinks but all kinds of qualities.  Be glad you are attracted to adult humans, and that you have no desire to hurt anyone to get off.  As long as your, or anyone else's kinks fall under that very broad umbrella, then it's all good.  But, as mentioned earlier, judgment and gross-out are not the same thing.  I absolutely don't judge anyone for enjoying mouth to anus sex acts, for example, but I find the idea absolutely yucky from a personal perspective.  What personally repels you is just as natural and important a part of your sexuality as what attracts you.  Laci Green recommends making something she calls a "Want, Would, Won't" list or something like that, where you put sexual experiences into categories of things you desire, things you don't specifically desire but would try, and things you definitely won't do for any reason.  Someone having desires on your "won't" list is a perfectly valid reason not to date them, and that has nothing to do with "judgment".  

[peach]

On 7/30/2019 at 1:47 AM, Raistlin said:

It's not surprising or hypocritical for someone with one fetish to instinctively judge other fetishes that strike them as gross or silly

THIS. "Am I being hypocritical" - that's what I meant, I just didn't know how to explain it. You understood my concerns, ty!