Pyrus_Fangmon Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 Hey guys... I've been gone for a good long while and...admittedly not for a good cause. So...the end of Nov last year had been really stressful for me. I was working three jobs with maybe two or three hours of sleep a night at most. My parents had been fighting nonstop since May last year and finally got a divorce in Nov. During one week I quit my jobs in hopes to find something else that wouldn't pull me into the ground. (For those that don't know, I was working at a fast food restaurant for my main job and two part-time jobs.) I was having really bad anxiety and panic attacks for a few months before Nov and the stress around it eventually made me collapse at work. I don't remember the ambulance that came to the restaurant or me being driven away. I remember waking up in the hospital and hooked up to machines with an oxygen mask on. I was told that I had a mild seizure in the ambulance and that they had done several x-rays and scans on me to try and find the cause. So...I found out that I have two small glands in my brain that help deal out hormones when your body is stressed out. Well, the picture that they showed me looked like two raisins. I'm not sure how but apparently I was a very close call to my body shutting down...dying. It turns out I had been dealing with a Chronic Stress Disorder for a long while for those glands to be so deteriorated. And the only thing I can think of is of my younger years when dealing with bullying and mean people, and my fighting parents throughout my time. And now that I thought about it, I was often tired and seemed feverish growing up, so maybe those were early signs of some kind warning me of this outcome. But I don't know, I was a kid and didn't say much growing up. The most I was given for a headache was Tylenol, so maybe this was my fault for not speaking up? I don't know, but it had me thinking of it. I'm thankful that I was helped when I was, even if it might be too late for this to fully heal, or really heal at all. I still send the hospital letters when I can to thank them. I had no idea that this was even a thing that could happen. Again, I'm really grateful. And I'm sorry that it's been so long for me tell all of you that were wondering where I was. I have no real excuse...I'm sorry. I quit my jobs soon after that and during that week, as I mentioned, my parents were having another argument and my Dad snapped. They went to the courthouse and signed the papers. I'm not sure what surrounds a proper divorce and when I asked I was told it didn't concern me. So naturally I just left it alone. My Dad left with what his truck could haul and didn't even say goodbye. With what I was recovering from I had to make a decision. This environment wasn't good for me and I needed to leave. A day before I was planning to move out, I found out my Mom had gotten a boyfriend. And apparently they had been talking for some time. It really hurt...I mean, I'm an adult, yeah. I know I should have probably moved out at eighteen or something, but I didn't have the need to. This was just too sudden and too much. I didn't have anywhere to go but I knew I had to leave. I packed my things of what I could in my own truck and just left the house. Except I did say goodbye. (I still talk to my Mom and dad on occasion, though the calls don't always end happily...) I had been on my own for almost two weeks until I reunited with a long lost friend. I told her what had happened and she didn't hesitate to let me stay with her and her mother. This was around Dec, Jan? I don't remember the exact Date. She had been going through a tough time too and had developed Agoraphobia. She was terrified of the outdoors and people but didn't hesitate at all to help me. (We've known each other since Elementary.) They helped me to get therapy and counselling and even helped to pay for my medicine. Up until two months ago I was starting to feel like myself again. I had started to eat again and sleep without nightmares or waking up struggling to breathe. I had several migraines still but they had been more tolerable over time and with the medicine.( there were muscle relaxers and light sedatives and some other stuff.) I had gotten a job at a Auto Parts store, that deal with vehicle parts and whatnot, and for once I didn't dread on going to work. The hours were far more manageable and less stressing. I've been tempted to search for a second job to help bring in money but each time I mention it my friend smacks me hard and lectures me on what I had been through with that. And I can't help but love her even more for literally smacking sense into me. Two months ago my truck died out on me. I've changed out what I could and even replaced the fuel pump, but nothing seems to be working. I've had to ask my friend's mother for rides to work and to the store, which doesn't make me feel like anything but a burden. But i'm determined to figure this out. Even if this means I have to break down and buy a new vehicle entirely...which I really don't want to do. The payments will be brutal but, it might be a sacrifice I have to make. A few weeks ago I had to put my Dog down. I saw it coming years ago but after having her for nearly twelve years, it still hurts to let her go. She lived a good life and I was glad to have spent her last moments with her in my arms. I know she's in a better place now without pain and it helped me realize she was no longer suffering. So...I guess that sums everything up that I can think of. It will take a long time of healing and de-stressing before I can really be myself again. I still have days where I sleep long hours and skip meals, but I'm trying my damnedest not to make any U-turns. Bondi has been a big help to me off forum. I don't have much to say most days but he's always been open to me. And I really can't thank him enough. This forum has introduced me to several nice people and some have been very supportive. I honestly think my biggest regret was forgetting to, or just not having the time spared, to come here. This site has been so helpful to me since I joined and I'm very grateful to everyone. It truly is a place where everyone can talk and get advice. I just wish I came here sooner during all of the struggle...it might have lessened some of the stress I was having. Or it might have just been too bad anyway. But besides that, I'm glad still. Knowing that I can still come back here knowing I an welcomed. And for those of you that sent me messages, I can't thank you enough and tell you how happy they made me feel. I never think I'll be missed, but then when I come back and see I've been missed and worried over...my chest just swells. Thank you guys so much. Really, and truly, thank you. Link to comment
Former Empath Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 Oh, no, Pyrus... that's so much stuff going on. I'm really happy to see you again, and so sorry that you've been dealing with all of that. You deserve to be safe and have people care about you and prioritize you. 💚 Link to comment
beatlelover22 Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 Wow, I'm so sorry you've had all this to deal with, Pyrus. I'm really glad you're okay (as okay as okay is) and I'm here for you if you ever want to reach out or rant. It was so good seeing your username pop up today, even if it was to discuss all the things you've been going through. Sending nothing but good vibes 🌸💖 Link to comment
Pyrus_Fangmon Posted August 20, 2019 Author Share Posted August 20, 2019 2 hours ago, Empathic Mystery said: Oh, no, Pyrus... that's so much stuff going on. I'm really happy to see you again, and so sorry that you've been dealing with all of that. You deserve to be safe and have people care about you and prioritize you. 💚 Heh...thanks. I don't know about prioritize, that just sounds selfish to me, but it does feel good to know I'm cared about. Thank you. 1 hour ago, beatlelover22 said: Wow, I'm so sorry you've had all this to deal with, Pyrus. I'm really glad you're okay (as okay as okay is) and I'm here for you if you ever want to reach out or rant. It was so good seeing your username pop up today, even if it was to discuss all the things you've been going through. Sending nothing but good vibes 🌸💖 Yeah...It has gotten better since it all hit rock bottom. There are some backlash waves that still hit but that's to be expected. From what i'm told I'm actually handling this moderately well. So i'll take that as a positive. Yeah, I'm sorry for coming back and throwing this out, but I felt it would make me feel better knowing I was explaining my situation. And honestly it did feel better. Knowing I'm able to and allowed to express myself here. It's really nice. Thanks. And maybe I'll take up your offer, if you don't mind. I'd hate to add to anyone's plate who might be going through some tough stuff too. Link to comment
Arty Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 Baby cakes. Dont apologize!! You were dealing with life. I get it. Im so sorry for what has happened but im glad u are beginning self care. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 Link to comment
•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.• Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 welcome back pyrus! i remember i used to see u around. don't worry about apologizing omg. almost dying is definitely a valid reason to take a break from an internet forum. your real life is much more important! im sorry about your dog, too. ♡ Link to comment
Joal 555 Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 Welcome back! Hope you are able to take everything forward in a positive way and that your troubles will be in the past. Link to comment
Pyrus_Fangmon Posted August 21, 2019 Author Share Posted August 21, 2019 22 hours ago, Arty said: Baby cakes. Dont apologize!! You were dealing with life. I get it. Im so sorry for what has happened but im glad u are beginning self care. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 Sorry, habit. I am too, it really has helped me. Thank you 22 hours ago, •.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.• said: welcome back pyrus! i remember i used to see u around. don't worry about apologizing omg. almost dying is definitely a valid reason to take a break from an internet forum. your real life is much more important! im sorry about your dog, too. ♡ Yeah...I was here and there when I could. It's definitely something I think about every day. I never thought something like stress could come close to a result like that, at least in RL. But i'm glad I got help when I did and I'm making day worth living for. I don't want to be scared like that ever again. And I just got her ashes back, she's sitting in the middle of the fireplace now. Where I can always remember the good times 11 hours ago, Joal 555 said: Welcome back! Hope you are able to take everything forward in a positive way and that your troubles will be in the past. Hay Joal! Doing my very best to, and it feels great to be back Link to comment
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