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The Interview


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A couple of weeks ago I came across this gem:


(It can now only be viewed if you have a Deviantart account. Sorry about that)

It wasn't the first time I saw this, obviously, but this time it gave me an idea. I was excited and looked forward to start writing it, but the day I sat down to do so was November 1st, so.........

Anyways, now that the forum is back(!!)- here we go. It's sort of meta, and I hope you'll like it:

Part 1:

The setting is of an office in a building, towering over some city. It looks like a normal office- two chairs in front of a desk and one chair behind it. A plant by the window is the only non- office related object in the room. It is daytime. My role is presented as sort of a voice- over, as I am not physically present in the room. Two young women walk in.

Me: "Thank you for coming, ladies. Please take a sit. Before we begin, this is the first time I'm having an open interview, so I would like to take a moment and describe you to the audience. Make yourselves comfortable while I do".

They take a sit in the chairs in front of the desk. The chair behind it remains empty. Their names are Lexi and Jess. They are both in their mid twenties, average height (Jess is slightly taller) and have smooth long hair. Lexi's hair is blonde, not shiny bright but also not really "dirty" or dark. She has greenish blue eyes and a light skin. Jess has a tanned skin, dark hair and dark brown eyes. Her nose is long and sharp, while Lexi's nose is smaller.

Me: "O.K., I think that's enough description for now, so let's begin. How are you two feeling today? I hope waiting in the line outside wasn't too bad".

Lexi: "I feel good, just a bit nervous".

Me: "That's understandable, given the situation. What about you, Jess"?

Jess: "I'm alright. As for the line- it was O.K., just a line. No one sneezed on us or even looked sick or anything like that".

Me: "Well, naturally, it's not that kind of story, but I can see why you thought that's something that might happen. So tell me, ladies, what made you decide to come here today"?

Jess: "You mean- besides the obvious reasons"?

Me: "Right, I guess I better address this matter at this stage. You're both aware that you were created by me, just like everything else in this story. It sets the ground for fun meta puns and related conversation between the three of us later on, but for the most part I would like to create a suspension of disbelief. Otherwise, it would be difficult to keep this story flowing".

Lexi: "Well, for one- basically anything is better than being a waitress".

Jess: "Not to mention that with gigs like these it can get much worse".

Me: "Yes, I understand that you're both currently working as waitresses, though in different places".

Jess: "I know what you're thinking, but no- neither of us ever got sneezed on by a sick customer during our work".

Me: "Obviously I could've changed that, and I might make it happen later, but for now we're just talking. Before we talk about the fetish- related aspects of this job, I'd like you to tell me about the qualities you bring to it. What makes you pop out from the crowd"?

Lexi: "I'm easy going, so I can quickly adapt to sudden changes in a situation or a scenario".

Jess: "I'm very versatile, so you can throw me into unknown territories and I'll fit in naturally".

Me: "Good. Both are important qualities. Now for more 'juicy' details- do you have any allergies"?

Lexi: "I'm really allergic to pollen. Also, if there's a lot of dust it could trigger an allergic reaction as well".

Jess: "Cats. I can't stand those furry little monsters. The dust thing is also true for me, I guess".

Me: "Spring must be hard for you, huh Lexi"?

Lexi: "As long as I take my pills I'm fine, but if I don't then it can get really rough. It's mostly worse in the spring but it can get pretty bad during the summer and fall as well. I usually make sure to take my pills, so I go through these seasons without too much trouble. Of course, you could change that, if you'd like".

Me: "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? There is one season we haven't talked about yet- winter, the 'main event'. How often would you say you catch colds"?

Jess: "I'd say about 1- 3 colds each year. It's not a whole bunch, but I get my fair share".

Lexi: "I get sick more easily, so I catch about 3- 5 colds each year. My colds mostly come during the winter, but I often get colds in the fall as well. Spring colds are also not uncommon for me, and every once in a while I even get a summer cold".

Me: "I guess you could say you're a girl for all seasons. So, we're talking about natural colds now. What does it normally take for you to get sick"?

Lexi: "Not a lot. If there's a cold going around there's a high chance I'd catch it, eventually. The chances grow if I'm cold or tired. I get cold a lot, and I hardly ever get as much rest as I need, so you can understand why I get lots of colds".

Jess: "I have a stronger immunity system, so it would take a little more to get me sick".

Me: "Are you talking about direct exposure to germs"?

Jess: "Eww! But yeah, I guess. Being tired would probably increase my chances of getting sick".

Me: "Naturally. So, let's say, for example,  you get caught in the cold rain- how would that affect your chances of catching a cold"?

Jess: "It depends- if I got exposed to germs right before that, my body would have a harder time fighting them, but it's not certain that I get sick".

Lexi: "For me ti's pretty certain that I get a cold in a situation like this, even if I don't get sneezed on right before".

Jess: "Gross! Why would you bring that up"?

Lexi: "It's an occupational hazard".

Me: "Indeed. Let's talk about something more demanding- the flu".

Jess: "Ugh! Please don't. I'm a relatively healthy person, so I don't get the flu often, but when I do I'm a mess".

Me: "Interesting. Tell me more, please".

Jess: "You know- sneezing, stuffed up, coughing, aching, fever, a killer sore throat, I might even lose my voice. The whole shebang".

Me: "I'd keep that in mind. Some people are really into it. What about you, Lexi? Thoughts on the flu"?

Lexi: "I hate it. Every time I get it, which is about once a year, I get fever and chills".

Me: "Walking around the house covered in a blanket with a thermometer in your mouth"?

Lexi: "That sounds likely to happen".

Me: What a delightful image.......... Any other symptoms"?

Lexi: "All the other things Jess said, I guess".

Me: "Got it. Now ladies- before we talk more about sneezing, there's something else we need to talk about".

Jess: *Rolls her eyes* "Here we go".

Lexi: "Come on, Jess- you knew this would come".

Jess: "Yeah, I know. I was never able to get my head around this, but I guess it makes just as much sense as liking sneezes".

Lexi: "So, you want to talk about our feet, right"?

Me: "Yes".

Lexi: "My size is 6.5".

Jess: "I'm size 8".

Me: "Care for a quick demonstration"?

Both women take off their shoes and socks and put their feet up on the table for a few moments.

Me: "Nice. Just needed to get this matter off the table, at least for now".

Lexi: "Very funny".

They both take their feet off the table and put their shoes and socks back on.

Me: "Don't worry- I'll probably be using different foot models for mental image of your feet every time. I learned the hard way not to be too fixed on a single foot model for a character. Back to the main thing now. We've talked about your flu symptoms, but what about your colds"?

Lexi: "I sneeze quite a lot, my nose gets runny and later stuffed up, and a lot of times I get a cough along with my cold".

Jess: "I get super congested, sneezing, obviously, sometimes coughing as well".

Me: "Concerning congestion- how long does it normally take for it to happen"?

Jess: "For me, if I definitely have a cold- I'd be all stuffed up in a day".

Lexi: "I get a very runny nose at first, so it would usually take me about a day and a half to get congested. You'd probably change that into an instant congestion though, wouldn't you"?

Me: "You know it. Now, when you get stuffed up- what are your nose blows like"?

Jess: "Very wet".

Me: "Gurgling"?

Jess: "Sometimes, if I'm really stuffed up".

Me: "What about you, Lexi"?

Lexi: "My blows can get wet, especially if I'm sick or having an allergy attack, but they're pretty soft. No gurgles or honking".

Me: "I see. Something that I guess many people here would like to know- do you use handkerchiefs"?

Jess: "Not really".

Lexi: "It's not something that people our age usually use".

Me: "That's true. Many people here have a thing for it though, and I can see why".

Lexi: "I'd be happy to try it sometime. It should be much softer on the nose than tissues".

Jess: "Yeah, it won't be a problem if we have to use it".

Me: "Good to know. O.K. ladies, this part of the interview is drawing to a close, so I'm gonna do a little something, just so our audience won't be left empty handed".

Lexi: "Hi Tshoo"!

Jess: "Ha Eshoo"!

Lexi: "Whew *sniff* excuse me".

Jess: " *sniff* Excuse you?! He didn't give us any warning"!

Me: "I needed to see your reactions to a sudden sneeze. You know me- there's more where that came from, so you might as well get used to it. Sometimes you'll know you're going to sneeze and sometimes you won't. It's all part of the job. Alright, that's enough for one time. We'll pick it up from this spot next time.


Let me know what you think

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16 hours ago, Gallatea said:

VERY HAWT! I'd love for 'me' to get them sick. ;) Contagion is my favorite.

Haha........ 😅 "Me" is actually me, Likesn, or at least the story version of me, so that's not where this is going, but there will be different kinds of contagion later on (after all- this is still a Likesn story 😉). I thought it was clear what "Me" meant , given the source of inspiration and all, but I guess it's best to clarify that right from the start.

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Part 2:

Me: "Let's talk about sneezing now".

Jess: "Wait, what have we been talking about so far"?

Me: "Funny. I guess this means you want to go first. Tell me then- how often do you usually sneeze? Do your sneezes come one at a time, or are they multiple"?

Jess: "I don't sneeze a lot, unless I'm near a cat. When I'm sick I sneeze more than usual, obviously. I hardly ever sneeze more than once".

Me: "Interesting".

Jess: "He Eshoo, Eshoo, Ha Eshoo! What the hell?! What was that for"?!

Me: "Did you really think you're off the hook for your earlier remark? Yeah, I can be petty like that".

Jess: "*sniff* I'll remember that".

Me: "Alright. Lexi- same question".

Lexi: "It depends. I usually sneeze once or twice, but it can be more if I have a bad cold or an allergy attack".

Me: "I see. Next- we'll talk about history. Let's see if you two have been doing your homework".

Lexi: "What do you mean"?

Me: "I'm going to ask you about my previous works. Can each of you please tell me which of my stories you liked most, and which character"?

Jess: "For me- it's easy. The story I liked most was 'The Cult' and Ashley from that story was my favorite character".

Me: "Care to explain why"?

Jess: "I liked the suspense in the plot, the way it was built slowly. It felt like a trap closing in on you, but in a good way. Ashley was a character that I found very relatable, because she had no idea about the fetish, and acted the way many other people would in similar situations".

Me: "That was very insightful. What about you, Lexi"?

Lexi: "The story I liked most was 'What a Wonderful Cold', because I have a thing for musicals and I wish I could act in one someday. As for a character, I liked Lauren from 'A Study in Sneezing', because she was so passionate about what she did. Also, it was kinda nice seeing her 'switch sides' and being a patient by the end of the story".

Me: "Very well. The last question I have, for now, is about scenarios. I've written quite a few of those over the years. Any thoughts"?

Lexi: "Ummmm...... not really. I mean- I know I'm bound to end up with a cold or something, but I just wish I won't feel too bad".

Jess: "I gotta say- I'm really not looking forward to sneezing and especially not to being sick. I know it comes with the job, but I'd like to avoid it as much as I can".

Me: "Sounds like a good setup for a germaphobe scenario. So, if I was to say Lexi would sneeze"

Lexi: "Ha Itshoo"! The sneeze is uncovered and inches away from Jess' face.

Jess: *Flinches away from Lexi* "Gross! What did you do that for"?

Me: "I wanted to see the way in which you would recoil from a sneeze sent your way".

Lexi: "I couldn't help it. It came from nowhere".

Jess: "Not exactly- he did say you would"

*Lexi's face contort*

Jess: "sneeze"

Lexi: "Ha Tshoo"!

Jess: "Wait, this would happen every time I say the word"

Lexi: "No, don't"!

Jess: "sneeze"?

Lexi: "Ha TiShoo"!

Me: "If that's what I decide- Lexi would sneeze, and sneeze, and sneeze".

Lexi: "It Shoo, Ha At Shoo, Ti Shoo! Shut up! Both of you"!

Jess: "Calm down, don't make him mad. Besides- all I did was say"

Lexi: "I'll kill you"

Jess: "sneeze"

Nothing happens.

Jess: "Huh, that's interesting".

Lexi: "*sniff* Can I have a tissue, please"?

Me: "Sure".

A box of tissues appears on the table. Lexi takes a tissue from the box and blows her nose.

Jess: "So the word 'sneeze' lost it's power"?

Me: "No"

Jess: "Hu Eshoo, Eshoo"!

Me: "I just changed the person whom it affects. That's what you get for saying it twice since then".

Lexi: "Serves you right".

Jess: "Ugh, whatever *sniff*. You took it all straight from 'SmokeyGhost' anyway".

Me: "I changed a few things. Besides- I acknowledged this story being inspired by his project right from the get go".

Lexi: "So what's next"?

Me: "The next stage of this interview is a practical one. I'm gonna place you in various scenarios and see how well you do".

Lexi: "You mean- you want us to role play"?

Me: "No, I mean you'll actually be IN those scenarios. That's just one of the many perks of being the omnipotent writer of this story".

Jess: "Oh this is gonna be so much fun....."

Me: "It is, for me at least. Hopefully for the audience as well. There is a silver lining for the two of you, though".

Lexi: "What's that"?

Me: "I can cause instant sickness, but I can also cure it instantly".

Lexi: "I guess that's something".

Jess: "What kind of scenarios are we talking about"?

Me: "I'll decide that by next time. I might even ask the audience for suggestions, but I'm putting a pin in that for now. Next time- we'll continue with the scenarios I come up with. We're gonna find out if you have what it takes to be in a sneeze fetish story".


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Part 3:

Me: "O.K. since it's the holiday season, I was thinking a good place to start would be a little Christmas themed scenario".

Jess: "So which one of us is going to play Santa"?

Me: "If anything, you'll both be more like Rudolf".

Lexi: "Will a tree be involved"?

Me: "No. I'm saving the tree for a different little project".

Lexi: "That's a relief".

Me: "Don't get too comfortable though. It's not a big secret why Christmas is a very special holiday amongst the sneeze-fetish community".

Jess: " What do you want us to do, then"?

Me: "This is your first scenario, so I'm gonna keep it simple. Let's start with the setting first".

The scenario is set inside a wooden cabin, located inside a forest. It's nighttime, and the view from the windows shows snow-covered trees. A large living room inside the cabin is fully lit and filled with Christmas decorations, but no tree. The light is amplified by a fireplace in the back of the room, burning brightly and spreading warmth. It is a cozy looking room, but it is filled with signs of being occupied by someone suffering from a bad cold- used tissues everywhere, empty bottles of cough syrup and empty mugs of tea.

Jess: "Looks like we wouldn't want to meet the person/ people living in that cabin".

Me: "Well, no one is living there, yet".

Lexi and Jess find themselves inside the cabin, both with Santa hats on their heads.

Me: "Like I said- it's a simple scenario: It's Christmas eve and you both have terrible colds. Had it been a full story, I probably would've taken the time to describe how you ended up in this situation, but now it's a given".

Lexi: "We're already sick"?

Me: "Now you are. Let's see how you handle this scenario. Aaaaaaand action"!

"Ha Tshoo! *cough cough*" goes Lexi. Next to her, Jess is giving her nose a long and gurgling blow into a tissue, destroying it completely, before coughing herself. Both girls have bright red noses and watery eyes.

Jess: "I thidk we're godda rud out of tissues sood".

Lexi: "That's dot good- eved if we could go out id this cold, there isd't adywhere dear where we cad buy bore tissues".

Jess: "What are we godda E Shoo! do, thed"?

Lexi: "Let be check aroudd add see if there's adythig I cad fidd".

While Lexi goes to search for more tissues, Jess lets out a series of phlegmy coughs. She then drinks some cough syrup, hoping it would ease that particular symptom. A couple of minutes later, Lexi returns to the room, clutching a thoroughly used tissue and pressing it to her leaking nose.

Lexi: "I could't fidd ady bore tissues, but I did fidd these id ode of the drawers" she shows Jess a couple of handkerchiefs.

Jess: "We're godda be lookig like two old wobed".

Lexi: "Cobe od- it's dot so bad. At least it's soft".

Jess: "Yeah, add it's better thad havig sdot rud all over our faces. *sniff* Alright, hadd be ode of those".

Lexi: "Hold od- I'b about to sdeeze Hei Tshoo"!

Jess: "Be... behe.... ble..... He Ashoo! Bless you".

Lexi throws the now ruined tissue on the floor, blows her nose wetly into one of the handkerchiefs and hands the other one to Jess, who does the same.

Jess: "*cough cough* Ugh! This cough is killig be".

Lexi: "Yeah *cough cough* bide is gettig pretty bad as well".

Jess: "I biss cough drops. This syrup tastes awful".

Lexi: "You're a big baby whed you're sick, you kdow that? Here- it'll be easier if I feed you the cough syrup".

Jess: "I dod't deed you to be by babysitter Heshoo"!

Lexi: "Yeah yo do, stubbord girl. Dow sit back add hold still" she sits down on the couch next to Jess, takes the cough syrup and feeds it to her with a spoon.

Jess: "You're pretty good at this, I gotta hadd it to you".

Lexi: "I kdow Hi Tshoo! *groans* Dow I'b gettig a headache od top of everythig else".

Jess: "I'b startig to feel it too. It's because of the codgestiod".

Lexi: "This is the worst Christbas ever".

Jess: "Tell be about it. Like it's dot bad edough that we have the bother of all colds, it had to be dow".

"Ha I Tshoo!", "He Eshoo!" Lexi and Jess, respectively, sneeze into their handkerchiefs, and then blow their noses into them.

Me: "Alright, that's enough for now".

Jess and Lexi are back at the office where the interview is taking place, no longer wearing Santa hats and no longer sick.

Lexi: "That was fast".

Jess: "Not fast enough".

Lexi: "I admit- I can't remember the last time I felt so sick, but at least it ended as quickly as it started".

Me: "Just like I told you- instant sickness and instant cure".

Lexi: "It felt like I've been hit by a truck".

Jess: "More like a train".

Me: "That was a very short simulation, to test the water. I used it to take initial notes of things like the way you present symptoms, the way you handle your sickness, the interactions between the two of you and the way you react to other people's sickness".

Jess: "You got all that from that short scenario"?

Me: "Like I said- those were initial notes. Those things, and others, will be further tested as we go along".


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Part 4:

Me: "Last week I took a break from this interview to write a little Christmas drabble, so it's been a while. I hope you used this time to catch your breath (so to speak), because next we're gonna run a few quick scenarios. We'll start with individual scenarios. Since you won't have anyone to talk to, it'll be up to you to show me your monologue skills".

Lexi: "Alright".

Jess: "Which of us do you want to go first"?

Me: "You, Jess. For your first solo scenario, you'll be walking back home from work in the pouring rain".

Jess: "Well, isn't that just"

Before Jess finishes her sentence she finds herself in the middle of an urban street. It's pouring rain, and while Jess is wearing a winter coat she doesn't have an umbrella.

Jess: "Oh, why did I have to leave my umbrella home today? I better hurry back home".

She starts walking home as fast as she can, but in less than two minutes she is soaked entirely in cold rain. Soon, her nose starts to run and she has to sniffle constantly to handle what is quickly becoming her own little downpour. A car passing by splashes her with a wave of cold water.

Jess: "Hey"!

The driver of the car is oblivious to Jess's calls, as is the driver of the next car, which hits her with another wave of cold water.

Jess: "Oh that's just great"!

She tries to continue walking as fast as she can, but suddenly she stops and- "He Eshoo"! A couple of moments later she stops again and- "He Esh, E Shoo"! She recovers form her double sneeze, only to be almost drowned by a huge wave of water coming from a bus driving by.

Jess: "Thadks a lot"!

As if she isn't wet enough already, another car drives by and splashes her yet again.

Jess: "Cobe od"!

She's close to her home now, but she feels utterly defeated. "Ha Eshoo, Eshoo, He Shoo!" she goes. When she finally enters her home, the first thing she sees is her umbrella, resting all dry by the door.

Jess: "Could've used you today *sniff* It's just by luck to leave by ubbrella at hobe od a raidy day like this E Shoo"!

She closes the door behind her and takes off her rain soaked coat.

Jess: "I'b all wet. This sucks".

Her boots are filled with water and she has to empty them over the kitchen sink when she takes them off.

Jess: "Add dow by feet are all wet. It's like I've beed swibbig hobe Ha Ha Eshoo"!

Me: "O.K. that's enough. Good job".

Jess (now back in the office): "I felt like I'll never be dry again".

Me: "I liked the way you talked to the umbrella. That was good thinking of you. An excellent way to make your monologue richer and more reliable".

Jess: "Thanks". She runs her hands through her hair, as if to get water out of it, but it's already dry.

Lexi: "Poor thing".

Me: "Don't get comfortable, Lexi- you're next".

Lexi: "Am I going to get caught in the rain as well"?

Me: "No. You'll get stuck in the snow. Instead of getting back home, you'll already be home, but you'll have to shuffle the snow from your driveway".

Lexi: "But why would I bother to go out"

Just like Jess, before Lexi can finish her sentence she finds herself in the scenario. She's wearing winter clothes- a heavy coat, gloves and boots, and she's standing outside a door to a house. Snow covers everything in sight and it's as high as her waists. She looks to her side and finds a shovel.

Lexi: "I better get to work".

She takes the shovel and starts clearing her driveway. It's hard work, especially for just one person. By the time she manages to clear half of the driveway, the lower half of her body is soaked with icy water. Before too long she starts shivering, the comes the sniffles and a short time later- "Haa Tshoo"!

Lexi: "Sssssso..... ccccold.....".

By this point, she's constantly sniffling, trying to keep her runny nose from getting in the way of the work she's doing. It's getting harder though, as more sneezes follow- "I Tshoo, Tshoo"! Her hands are getting numb, but she's not about to give up.

Lexi: "Hold od dose *sniff* it wod't be buch lodger Hei Tshoo! Ugh! There's so buch sdow Ha Ha Tshoo"!

Finally, the driveway is clear and she can get back inside the house. The fireplace is burning and it's nice and warm inside, but she still feels cold.

Lexi: "*sniff* I'b freezig. I cad't feel by hadds add by feet feel like two chudks of ice Hi Tshoo"!

She takes off her snow covered coat and her boots, puts her damp socks near the fireplace to dry them up, sits on the couch and puts her feet up in front of the fireplace, in an attempt to warm them up. Sniffling again, she takes a tissue and sneeze into it- "Ha Tshoo, Hi I Tshoo! Well *sniff* at least dow I cad drive to the store if I deed to get sobe tissues or cold bedicide". She blows her nose.

Me: "Well done. I've seen enough".

Lexi is back in the office.

Me: "I know you did that little feet thing just to get on my good side, and I'm all for it. Also- I liked how you talked to your nose ".

Lexi hugs herself even though the office isn't cold.

Jess: "Do you want me to get you a jacket? A coat maybe"?

Lexi: "Why don't you get an umbrella for yourself first"?

Jess: "Touch'e".

Me: "I hope you ladies can get along, because in the next scenario you'll be working together again. You two have been sneezing quite a lot so far, but now you'll have to deal with a situation when it won't be so simple".

Lexi: "What do you mean"?

Me: "At the beginning of this scenario, Jess will have a bad head cold and congestion. The twist- she hasn't been able to sneeze for two days. Blowing her nose did little more than make it all red and she's dying to get some relief. You are going to have a surprise for her".

The scenario starts with a red nosed Jess standing in front of a door. She knocks on it and Lexi opens.

Lexi: "Oh my! You look terrible".

Jess: "Dot az derrible az I feel. I cad't breath through by doze add I'ds drivig be crazy". Her congested voice is almost a caricature.

Lexi: "Come in. Can I get you some tissues with lotion"?

Jess: "Dat would be great. Dak you".

Lexi leaves Jess sitting on the couch and returns a few moments later with a box of tissues with lotion. Following her to the room shortly after is a grey cat.

Jess: Whad iz dat"?

Lexi: "That's my new cat. Isn't it cute"?

Jess: "You kdow I'b allergic to catz".

Lexi: "Well, I thought it shouldn't bother you at the moment, with your nose being as stuffed up as it is".

Jess: "Ded you thought wrodg He..... I cad feel by allergiez actig up already He Eshoo!" she unleashes a giant, uncovered messy sneeze, towards Lexi

Lexi: "Bless you. Didn't you say you haven't been able to sneeze yet"?

Jess: "Well I sure cad zdeeze dow E Shoo! Cad you get dat adibal Ha Eshoo! away frob be"?

Lexi: "Sure thing". She takes the cat out of the room.

Jess: "Hu Eshoo! I better get back hobe Eshoo!. Daks for de dissues".

Lexi: "Don't mention it".

On her way back home, Jess notices her head is just a little bit clearer than it was when she walked through Lexi's door. She isn't going to say anything to Lexi, but she knows she owes her one. Fortunately for Jess, but not so much for Lexi, she can return a favor two days later. Lexi caught Jess' cold after being sneezed on by her, and have been blowing her nose for over a day in a futile attempt to clear it. She hasn't been able to sneeze yet, just as Jess was when she came to visit her. Jess, while still sick, feels somewhat better now, and she invites Lexi over to her house to thank her for her help. The red nosed Lexi sits on Jess' couch, blowing her poor nose into tissue after tissue.

Lexi: "I really wish you had't gived be your cold". Her voice is congested, but not as Jess's was when she visited her.

Jess: "I'b sorry about that. I thidk I have sobethig that would bake you feel better, though. Wait here".

Lexi grabs another tissue from the box on the table in front of her, and Jess quickly returns with a bouquet of flowers in her hand.

Lexi: "They look dice, but how are flowers supposed to bake be feel better"?

Jess: "Wait for it".

Lexi's nose immediately starts twitching and wiggling and- "Ei Tshoo"!

Jess: "It feels good to sdeeze whed you're so codgested He Eshoo! doesd't it"?

Lexi: "Haa Tshoo! Baybe, but if you dod't take these flowers away frob be sood I wod't be able to stop Ha I Tshoo, Hi Itshoo"!

Me: "Nice job, both of you. I think you've done enough for today. We'll continue this next time".


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Part 5:

Me: "Next, I want to test your acting skills with a longer joint scenario. Lexi- let's start with you".

Lexi: "What should I do"?

Me: "You're going to have the major role in the next scenario. You and Jess are going to play roommates, sharing an apartment. Jess is going to come home with clear early signs of a cold. You'll be playing an "in the closet" sneeze-fetishist, with a desire to catch Jess' cold. However, since you're hiding your fetish and don't want your roommate to find out about it, you'll disguise your desire to be near Jess' germs as being a good friend, who just want to take care of her poor, sick roommate".

Jess: "Doesn't sound like I'll have much to do in this scenario".

Me: "Mostly being sick with a cold. You'll have a part and I'll be looking at your acting skills as well, but in this scenario Lexi's role is going to be the more demanding one".

Lexi: "I'm up for the challenge".

Me: "Then let's get started".

The scenario starts with Lexi in a nice and cozy little apartment in the city. A darkening patch of sky in the window suggests that the time is late afternoon. Jess opens the door and enters the apartment, sniffling.

Lexi: "Hey roomie, how was your day"?

Jess: "I've had better *sniff*. Everyode ad their bother at work seebs to have a cold *sniff* add dow I thidk I'b catchig it too. By dose hasd't stopped ruddig sidce ludch, add dow I'b gettig stuffed up as well. This is dot how I wadted the weekedd to start".

Lexi: "Poor thing. Why don't you go change into some comfortable clothes and I'll make you some tea to make you feel better"?

Jess: "Thadks. That's dice of you".

Lexi: "Anything for my roommate".

While Jess changes into warm and comfortable clothes, Lexi goes to the kitchen and makes her tea.

Jess *entering the kitchen*: "He Eshoo! Ugh! Dow I'b sdeezig too. I hate havig a cold".

Lexi: "Here- drink this".

Jess: "Tha... Eshoo! Thadk you. Sorry for sdeezig od you. I would stay away frob be if I were you, or you bight catch by cold".

Lexi: "Don't be silly- what kind of a roommate would I be if I don't help you get over this cold"?

Jess: "A healthy ode"?

Lexi: "Funny. You won't get rid of me that easily".

Jess: "It's your fuderal Ha Eshoo"!

Lexi: "Bless you, roomie. Tissues"?

Jess: "Yes please. *takes a tissue from Lexi and wetly blows her nose* This cold is bakig a bess of by dose, add it's odly just begad".

Lexi *taking the used tissue from Jess*: "Let me get rid of that for you and get you some new ones".

Jess: "You're really pushig your luck, touchig by sdotty used tissue".

Lexi: "Don't worry- I'll wash my hands". She goes to throw the used tissue away, making sure to "casually" touch her face before she does.

Jess: "He He Eshoo, Eshoo, AEshoo! What's wrodg with be? Why ab I sdeezig so buch"?

Lexi *trying hard to hide her excitement*: "Must be a really bad cold that you have".

Jess: "*sniff* I thidk I feel bore sdeezes cobig".

Lexi: "Let me help". She takes a fresh tissue and walks over to Jess.

Jess: "He..... What are you.... He.... doig? He He Hea Eshoo"!

Lexi stretches her hand forward, catching Jess' sneeze with the tissue.

Jess: "You really should't have dode that. Dow your probably all covered with by sdeeze".

Lexi: "No, it's fine- I got it all in the tissue".

Jess: "Seriously, Lexi- if I did't kdow ady better, I'd thidk you wadt to catch by cold".

Lexi *blushing*: "That's ridiculous".

Jess: "Bore ridiculous thad catchig by sdeeze"?

Lexi: "Hey- I'm just trying to help".

Jess: "Hu Eshoo! Ughhhhh!! I guess I cad use all the help I cad get, with this bodster of a cold". She takes another tissue and lets a gurgling nose blow into it.

Lexi: "How about I make you a nice, warm soup for dinner and then it's early to bed with you"?

Jess: "That soudds like a good plad. You're a really good roobbate, you kdow that"?

Lexi: "I Try".

During dinner, Jess sneezes quite often and blows her nose even more. By the time she goes to bed her nose has a distinctive shade of red. Lexi stays in the kitchen for some time after Jess goes to bed. She throws all of Jess' used tissues away, making sure to touch her mouth and nose often when she does. After she finishes washing the dishes (with freezing cold water), she feels a tickle in her nose and- "Ha Tshoo"! She clenches her fist and pulls her arm down in a gesture of success, but then- "Hi I Tshoo"!

Lexi: "I better go take a shower before I go to bed *sniff*.

She is certain the Jess had finished all the hot water in the shower. In fact- she's counting on it.

Lexi *waking up in bed the next morning*: "Hei Tshoo, Haa Tshoo"! She smiles.

Jess is in the kitchen, blowing her nose into a wad of tissues.

Lexi *entering the kitchen*: "Bordig, roobie. How are you feelig today"?

Jess: "He Ashoo, Heshoo! Terrible *sniff* but you dod't look too good yourself. Did't I dot tell you you'd catch by cold"?

Lexi: "Guess you were right, thed Hai Tshoo, Hi Tshoo, Ha Haa Tshoo! Thed agaid- that's what roobbates are for, right"? She takes a tissue and blows her nose wetly.

Jess *after blowing her own nose with a deep, honking gurgle*: "If you say so".

Me: "Alright, you both did really well. I think I'll let you rest a bit for now, until next time".


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  • 2 weeks later...

Part 6:

Me: "We've had this interview for a while and I think we're drawing to a close. However, there are a few scenarios I'd like to try before we wrap this up".

Jess: "Let's hear it".

Me: "First, a scenario which I think you, Jess, will be a very good cast for. Lexi's role might be a little more challenging in terms of acting, but the scenario itself should be more challenging to you".

Lexi: "So what do you want us to do"?

Me: "It's something that I tried in the past and I'd like to see how you both fit in it. The scenario can be described as 'A sneeze fetishist with a cold Vs. a germaphobe', where Lexi will play the fetishist and Jess will play the germaphobe".

Jess: "You were right- this IS a good role for me".

Me: "Let's get to it then".

In this scenario, Lexi and Jess are, once again, sharing an apartment. Lexi has a slightly pink nose and is sniffling and Jess keeps glancing worriedly in her direction.

Jess: "Are you getting sick"?

Lexi: "Do *sniff* Why do you ask"?

Jess: "Because you've been sniffling for some time and your voice sounds stuffed up. If you're getting sick- stay away from me".

Lexi: "I'b dot gettig sick *sniff* It's probably just dust or Hi Tshoo! sobethig".

Jess: "That can't be right- we cleaned the apartment two days ago".

Lexi: "Thed baybe it's Haa Tshoo! allergies,  I dod't kdow".

Jess: "Allergies in the middle of winter? Yeah, right".

Lexi: "Well *sniff* whatever it is- it's dot a cold Ha Hai Tshoo!" Lexi "forgets" to cover her mouth whenever she sneezes.

Jess: "At the very least cover your mouth when you sneeze".

Lexi *sneezing into her hands*: "Ha Tshoo"! Jess rolls her eyes.

Lexi: "What? I covered".

Jess: "And now your germs are gonna be over everything you touch".

Lexi: "Do they wod't, because I'b dot Haaai Tshoo! sick".

Jess: "I'm getting out of here before you

Lexi *sneezing all over Jess*: "Hi Itshoo, Ha Tishoo"!

Jess: "Gross"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As Jess runs away from the room, Lexi blows her nose wetly into a tissue. She is smiling- there is no way her germaphobe roommate won't catch her cold now, and by tomorrow she will be a sneezy mess herself, much to Lexi's delight.

Jess *the next day*: "Hu Eshoo, Esh, Ha Eshoo! I hate you add your stupid gerbs, Lexi". She gives a gurgling nose blow into a tissue.

Lexi: "I guess I I Tshoo! have a little cold after all Tshoo, Ha Tshoo"!

Jess: "What do you bead 'a little cold'?! I cad't stop Ha Eshoo, E Shoo! sdeezig He Shoo, He Ashoo"!

Me: "That should do it for this scenario. Next, we'll have sort of a role reversal. Jess- you'll be the one infecting this time. Your role would be that of a sick person which couldn't be less careful abut spreading germs. Lexi- you'll be playing the 'can't be sick right now' type and deny catching Jess' cold. Here we go".

The scenario takes place in the same apartment as the previous one. This time, however, used tissues can be seen all around. The source of all those used tissues is Jess, with a very red and runny nose.

Jess *sneezing openly*: "Hu Esh, He Eshoo! *sniff* I hade diz code. By doze juzt woud't give be a rezt". She gives several gurgling honking nose blows into a handful of tissues and then just throws them down on the floor, next to many other used ones.

Lexi: "Sorry you've beed feelig bad *sniff* but I cad't take care of you right dow- I have this big beetig at work id two days add I cad't get sick right dow".

Jess *her voice a little less stuffed up after blowing her nose*: "Soudds like you're already gettig sick".

Lexi: "Do I'b dot *sniff* I cad't be gettig sick, dot dow".

Jess: "Thed why does your voice He Ashoo, Hu Eshoo! zouddz albozt az zduffed up az bide"?

Lexi: "It doesd't *sniff* your ears are just clogged up frob codgestiod add that's why by voice soudds stuffed up to you".

Jess *sneezing openly towards Lexi*: "Haaaaa Eshoo! *sniff* You dod't really expect be to believe you're dot catchig by code, do you"?

Lexi: "I told you, Jess- I dod't have tibe to be sick *sniff* I cad be sick after the beetig, but dot ode bobedt before that".

Jess *after blowing her nose again*: "Looks like your body has sobethig else to say id this batter".

Lexi: "Why do you keep sayig I'b sick? I bead- I'b dot eved Hi Tshoo"!

Jess: "Sdeezig"?

Lexi: "Shut up. That was just ode sdeeze Haa Tshoo, Tshoo, Hai Tshoo"!

Jess: "Add those were three bore".

Lexi *holding a finger to her nose, which is twitching in anticipation of more sneezes*: "If I decide that I wod't get sick thed by body will fall id lide. It's just bidd over batter add I wod't let adythig get id by way *sniff sniff*".

Jess: "You have to sdeeze agaid, dod't you"?

Lexi *still holding a finger to her nose*: "Do I *sniff sniff* dod't".

Jess: "Just let it out. You bight be tryig to fool yourself but you're dot foolig be".

Lexi: "I.... dod't..... deed..... to....... sdeeze..... Ha Haaai Tshoo, I Tshoo, Tshoo, Itshoo, Hei Itshoo"!

Jess: "Dow- dod't tell be that did't feel good".

Lexi *after wetly blowing her nose into a tissue*: "Ugh! Fide- baybe I ab gettig sick".

Me: "Fantastic. You two have been doing very well throughout this interview. Now- there is one last scenario I want the two of you to participate in. It might not be the most challenging one concerning your acting skills, but you've both proved to be quite good at acting".

Lexi: "Thank you".

Me: "However- this scenario will be the most physically demanding one".

Jess: "What does that mean"?

Me: "This scenario will be the final test of your commitment to this job. Thus, you'll have to face something we've talked about earlier on this interview and that you were both concerned about- a bad case of the flu".

Jess: "I really hoped it wouldn't come to that".

Lexi: "Me too".

Me: "Which is exactly why I have to see if you can handle this kind of scenario. If you want to do well in this scenario- you'll have to work together. Like I said- there isn't much plot in this scenario. You'll be suffering from a bad flu and what I want you to do is help each other feel better as best as you can".

Lexi: "I guess I can do that".

Jess: "So this is the final scenario, right"?

Me: "That's right. Now- take a deep breath, before your noses get stuffed up again, and let's begin".

It's the same apartment as the one in the other two scenarios, but it's twice as messy as it was in the last one. The girls look even worse than the apartment. They both have bright red noses and they are covered in blankets.

Jess: "*cough cough* I dod rebebber ever beig diz zig id by life. By voice zoudz horrible".

Lexi: "I kdow, it's awful *sniff* I wear all these layers, but I'b still cold all the tibe".

Jess: "Id buzt be the fever *cough* I have id doo, which iz why I ache all over".

Lexi blows her nose wetly and Jess does the same, with a terribly congested honk.

Lexi: "Baybe I should bake us sobe *cough* warb soup to eat. It bight help us *cough cough* get strodger".

Jess: "Dad'z a *cough cough cough* really good idea. I cad bake you dea while you do dhad".

Lexi: "That would be great Ha Itshoo! Thadk you".

Jess: "Do Ha Eshoo! probleb".

While Lexi makes soup in the kitchen, Jess makes a cup of tea for them both. She helps the shivering Lexi drink the tea. Later, when the soup is ready, Lexi feeds it to the aching Jess. They both sneeze, blow their noses and cough a lot while they eat and after dinner they both help each other take cough medicine, which eases their coughing a bit. Jess brings two thermometers and they both take their temperature, confirming what they already knew- they both have a fever.

Lexi: "I feel a little better after eatig, but I'b still really cold. Baybe I should just go to bed, but I'b worried I wod't be able to rest because I cad't stop shiverig.

Jess: "I should be id bed az well, bud I dod kdow if I cad bake id do by roob".

Lexi: "By roob is closer. Wadda stay id by bed for the dight? You cad keep be warb".

Jess: "We cad keep each oder warb He Eshoo! Ohhhh! By head"!

Lexi: "Cobe od- let's go". She supports Jess and they both go to Lexi's bed.

Jess: "I cad'd believe I'b wearig two pairz ob zockz *cough cough* Who doez dhad"?

Lexi: "I'b wearig three pairs, but by feet are still cold Hi Tshoo, Ha Atshoo"!

Jess: "Bide ache, like de rezd ob by body".

Lexi: "I cad rub theb for you add you cad rub bide to warb theb up".

Jess: "Hu Eshoo! Okgay".

They take off their socks and rub each other's feet. It makes them feel better, but they constantly cough and sneeze all over each other.

Jess: "Ha Eshoo! *cough cough* He Esh, Hu AEshoo"!

Lexi: "Ei Tshoo! *cough Ha Tishoo! *cough cough* Ha Tshoo, Ha Haaa Tshoo"!

When they decide they had enough, they blow their overflowing noses, hold each other close for warmth and drift into a feverish sleep.

Me: "Excellent work. I'm very pleased with you both".

Jess: "You just had to include that foot rubbing part, didn't you"?

Me: "Wasn't this your idea"?

The expression on Jess' face says- "Come on".

Me: "Well, you know- your ideas are my ideas, because it's a meta...... you get it".

Lexi: "So, did we get the job"?

Me: "I'll think about it and let you know. Thank you once again for coming today".

The girls get up from the chairs and walk to the door.

Me: "Oh, and ladies"

They turn around.

Me: "Bless you".

The End

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