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Importance of the fetish in relationships


Stimuli

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Greetings :D

I have been doing some rainy day reflecting today and came up with the question;

How important is the acceptance (and perhaps indulgence) of your fetish when it comes to relationships? 

Is it a make it or break it deal to you? (why/why not?) 

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It would probably be a deal breaker if it wasn't accepted and there was no willingness to indulge the fetish because it's an essential part of my sexuality and I don't think I'd be able to fully enjoy that part of the relationship if the fetish wasn't involved. That being said, I wouldn't expect or even want my partner to indulge the fetish very often because I have a fairly low libido these days and most of the time I'd rather be doing other things like cuddling, reading, watching a movie, etc. So they'd also have to be okay with only being more intimate than cuddling a few times a month.

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I don't know for certain, as I haven't had a real relationship and most likely never will, but I'm thinking hypothetically now...

I'd be so scared of being mocked or teased about it I probably wouldn't tell them at first. But if I do and they don't want to indulge me, that's alright. There are fetishes and fantasies I wouldn't indulge in for others no matter how much I love the person, because it creeps me out. But they'd have to accept it, since it's a big part of me and the community is a part of my life. They'd have to accept me being active on the forum, me writing and reading fics, my occasional producing as well as consuming of wavs. My fetish is mainly directed at fictional characters and scenarios anyway, so you could say that my entire fetish is a sexual fantasy, rather than something I would actively try to play around with in real life. Real life sneezes are a random bonus, but I can't dictate things there the way I can in my fantasies, (too messy, too cough-like, I don't want elbow covering, not enough buildup... :lol: ) so I prefer my imagination. Besides, it's the loss of control that really gets me going, and if someone would indulge it by inducing or tease me about it, it wouldn't REALLY be a loss of control. I mean, the sneeze itself would be, by the very nature of it, but if it's deliberate and if someone uses it for the explicit purpose of turning me on, it wouldn't be a turn-on. :lol:  But at the same time I don't want it to happen without consent.

I feel like I'm a walking paradox in these matters, so it's probably best I stick with no relationships and fetish enjoyed in fictional worlds. 

Edited by Chanel_no5
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4 hours ago, Chanel_no5 said:

I don't know for certain, as I haven't had a real relationship and most likely never will, but I'm thinking hypothetically now...

I'd be so scared of being mocked or teased about it I probably wouldn't tell them at first. But if I do and they don't want to indulge me, that's alright. There are fetishes and fantasies I wouldn't indulge in for others no matter how much I love the person, because it creeps me out. But they'd have to accept it, since it's a big part of me and the community is a part of my life. They'd have to accept me being active on the forum, me writing and reading fics, my occasional producing as well as consuming of wavs. My fetish is mainly directed at fictional characters and scenarios anyway, so you could say that my entire fetish is a sexual fantasy, rather than something I would actively try to play around with in real life. Real life sneezes are a random bonus, but I can't dictate things there the way I can in my fantasies, (too messy, too cough-like, I don't want elbow covering, not enough buildup... :lol: ) so I prefer my imagination. Besides, it's the loss of control that really gets me going, and if someone would indulge it by inducing or tease me about it, it wouldn't REALLY be a loss of control. I mean, the sneeze itself would be, by the very nature of it, but if it's deliberate and if someone uses it for the explicit purpose of turning me on, it wouldn't be a turn-on. :lol:  But at the same time I don't want it to happen without consent.

I feel like I'm a walking paradox in these matters, so it's probably best I stick with no relationships and fetish enjoyed in fictional worlds. 

Gosh I love your indepth responses C! :D

As someone (lol answering my own questions) who has been in a few long term relationships, I can say that, in relationships where the fetish is accepted (and perhaps even indulged a bit) things were quite smooth and the feeling of acceptance made me open up like a book eager to be read (if that makes any sense what so ever haha). 

While, in more "conservative" relationships, where the fetish is met with "oh wow, that's strange", I have found myself being more restrained, awkward and individual. Such relationships has almost made me live a double life of "when I'm with them, I am this person. When I am by myself I'm aName the sneeze enthusiast" haha

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This is a cool question!

I've had a previous relationship in which I told my partner about the fetish, and he was cool with it. We had little inside-joke moments when he sneezed in public, and we had brief conversations about me inducing him, but it never amounted to anything. Moving forward, I agree with you all above that I'd need my partner to at least accept that the fetish is part of me. Like you said aName, I'd also feel uncomfortable and bummed out if a partner thought my fetish was weird or gross and by extension, then thought was weird and gross. I wouldn't have a problem if my partner didn't want to actively indulge me, but I would be upset if my partner became uncomfortable because they thought I was creepy LOL. Though if they thought that, we probably wouldn't be dating after that 😂

I think it's also important to consider when/how the subject is broached and the fetish is explained. For me, at least, the relationship needs a certain level of intimacy and trust before I dropped that on him haha~ Plus, if my partner is sharing little quirks or interests he has too, then it becomes a more equal playing ground. 

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oh absolutely. if someone doesn't accept this very integral part of me, we simply wouldn't be compatible

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That is an interesting/introspective question, and I had to think about this for a moment before posting my response. In my case I think I could work around it if my partner accepted it, but didn't indulge it. Even if they thought it was a bit odd (I will always expect that reaction, actually XD), I would be able to, in an admittedly disappointed fashion, work through that. I feel that's because this fetish is such a part of me that getting to the level that I confess that to someone would require a decent amount of trust in them.
I've previously confessed my fetish to only those that have it as well, and those who are close to me, and have (to my surprise, actually) never had someone who didn't accept it openly. In the relationships that I've had, they've always been very willing to indulge me, as well, and I believe it is because I've confessed that about myself when we are already at an intimate level of trust. So it is important for my partner to accept it, but not indulge it.

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everyone's responses have been so interesting to read to me. Personally, I have never told anyone about my fetish or had the urge to. I am 25 and have been in two serious relationships, one that I am currently in. We are planning to live together in summer and I have felt slightly nervous about indulging in this fetish the way I do late at night about once or twice a week. ....

regardless, My partner and I are extremely close, but are both introverted people. I feel that this fetish only has to do with the relationship I have with myself, and that I never have a true interest in sharing this fetish in my sexual experience with my partner. Sneezing is by far not the only thing that turns me on sexually. But, when alone doing alone things, I turn to sneezing and I like to keep this fetish as a little me time secret. I do not feel I am misleading my partner in this because he is very respectful of my wants and feelings and i know he would tell me he did not care and would do anything for me. I truly just dont want him to feel self conscious when he sneezes or have it turn into a running joke that I am horny every time he sneezes.

I also do maaaaaybe fake sneeze around him sometimes because i very rarely sneeze because I like it when he blesses me ☺️ and I would not want him to think anything more of this. lol. feel free to tell me what you think of this. I feel it is harmless. Cool question! def some good self reflection. 

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Once upon a time, I was in a relationship with someone who thought my fetish was pretty cool and he was willing to indulge me. He made several of my sexlifelong fantasies come true. It's been three years and change since we broke up and sometimes I still wonder if he thinks about me when he sneezes.

I told the dude with whom I was in some sort of... casual-acquaintances-with-potential-occasional-benefits thing which has since, apparently, entirely burnt out...? about the fetish and his response was REALLY promising for a little while and then he lost interest in it and later also in all of me? I guess...? but there WAS one summer weekend that was just one long sunny daze of glorious indulgence (dude is photic AF).

If and when I ever meet someone I want to be in a relationship with again, I would want to indulge their kinks (if they have any) and I would want them to be cool with mine at the very least. I would be sexually incompatible with someone who is strictly vanilla, and entirely incompatible with someone who isn't broad-minded enough to be cool with relatively innocuous kinks like ours, so yeah, I would like to think I'd tell someone I was dating pretty early on.

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With me it depends on two things:

1) Her initial reaction to me telling her - laughing and bemusement I can readily accept, but outright revulsion from her would be a deal breaker unless I was really, really into her and thought there was any chance of bringing her round to it by explaining the background to it (my sneeze fetish is directly as a result of my nose fetish - I am only attracted to sneezes if I am attracted to the nose shape first, and a particular turn on are allergies - hay fever mostly - due to the presence of a weakness that can be exploited by using something as otherwise innocent as dust, pollen, perfume etc). I've always thought that actually explaining what appeals to you about the fetish in this way removes some of the weirdness from it as it has a lot in common (for me at least) with dominance/submissiveness/exploitation of weaknesses, which is a common general theme among sexual turn-ons for probably most people in general. This strategy worked with my current partner (even though she was accepting from the moment I told her about the fetish), so I'd imagine it would work with a large number of other people - not everyone, obviously.

2) Any continued revulsion the latter girl may have afterwards. I can deal with active indulgence just for me and relative indifference* (and I've had girlfriends who have done both of these). My current partner actively indulges in it, whereas my only previous serious partner could accept my looking at/up her nose during sex, but baulked at actually sneezing for me* during sex/seeing sneezing as a sexual turn-on only shortly before we broke up. The break-up had nothing to do with the fetish - we were both turning into very different people and I moved a long distance away from her at the same time.

*as my ex had no allergies, unlike my current partner, she would have to induce with things like tissue paper, etc. Which I think made it a bit more unusual/"intimidating" for her than my current partner is, as current gf can just rustle the lavender plant next to her bed to set her off, while she's topless above me and I'm handcuffed to the bed! Or vice versa!  😈😈😈

Edited by itchynose2
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  • 3 weeks later...

For me I find acceptance and indulgence to go hand in hand in a way, although I think acceptance is far more important. I feel like I’ve spent so long being ashamed of the fetish and feeling as if it’s something I have to hide and push away that when I do choose to tell people it’s very important to me that they not reinforce those feelings.

I’ve told anyone I’ve been in a long term serious relationship with and had great results. Both of them were very accepting and reassuring about it and both indulged me quite often. One thing that I found to be very noteworthy though was whether the indulgence was asked for by me or offered by my partner. The second person I told offered constantly without any prompting from me and it really helped me feel more accepted. 
 

I’ve also told a few people who I’ve just hooked up with about the fetish to mixed results. None showed real revulsion, although it was clear when people were less receptive to the idea. Of the people I’ve told I’ve had a couple who have indulged me and it was always really fun. It did make me realize, however, that I see the fetish in a much more intimate light than any other aspects of my sex life. I feel like it’s something that’s much more personal than just casual sex and in the future something that I think I’ll only really share with serious romantic partners. 
 

sorry if this is a little rambly. Just my two cents :) 

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On 12/14/2019 at 5:24 PM, Chanel_no5 said:

I don't know for certain, as I haven't had a real relationship and most likely never will, but I'm thinking hypothetically now...

I'd be so scared of being mocked or teased about it I probably wouldn't tell them at first. But if I do and they don't want to indulge me, that's alright. There are fetishes and fantasies I wouldn't indulge in for others no matter how much I love the person, because it creeps me out. But they'd have to accept it, since it's a big part of me and the community is a part of my life. They'd have to accept me being active on the forum, me writing and reading fics, my occasional producing as well as consuming of wavs. My fetish is mainly directed at fictional characters and scenarios anyway, so you could say that my entire fetish is a sexual fantasy, rather than something I would actively try to play around with in real life. Real life sneezes are a random bonus, but I can't dictate things there the way I can in my fantasies, (too messy, too cough-like, I don't want elbow covering, not enough buildup... :lol: ) so I prefer my imagination. Besides, it's the loss of control that really gets me going, and if someone would indulge it by inducing or tease me about it, it wouldn't REALLY be a loss of control. I mean, the sneeze itself would be, by the very nature of it, but if it's deliberate and if someone uses it for the explicit purpose of turning me on, it wouldn't be a turn-on. :lol:  But at the same time I don't want it to happen without consent.

I feel like I'm a walking paradox in these matters, so it's probably best I stick with no relationships and fetish enjoyed in fictional worlds. 

I feel pretty much the same way, especially with regard to the loss of control -aspect of it :D.

Saimou

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My kink is more oriented toward caregiving in a ficitonal context like roleplaying or in fiction. I'd been struggling for years to figure it out so I wasn't completely sure if I had a a fetish or anything until a couple of years ago. I've not really been with anyone since and before that, I talked enough about aspects of the kink that my partners would get clued-in that I was interested so they'd indulge me either by roleplaying or talking about it. Now that I'm more sure that it is a kink afterall, my only hope is that they wouldn't want to leave me after learning I have it. They don't have to accept it, they don't have to indulge me, I'm more worried it would be a deal-breaker for them. It would be nice if they indulged me as long as it wasn't too uncomfortable for them.

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18 hours ago, Travel said:

Now that I'm more sure that it is a kink afterall, my only hope is that they wouldn't want to leave me after learning I have it. They don't have to accept it, they don't have to indulge me, I'm more worried it would be a deal-breaker for them. It would be nice if they indulged me as long as it wasn't too uncomfortable for them.

For me, your partner not leaving you for this kink is synonymous with them accepting it. Indulging is a different matter, altogether. :)

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6 hours ago, Saimou said:

For me, your partner not leaving you for this kink is synonymous with them accepting it. Indulging is a different matter, altogether. :)

That's exactly right. Not sure why I hadn't thought of it that way. 

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On 1/18/2020 at 7:58 PM, Travel said:

That's exactly right. Not sure why I hadn't thought of it that way. 

I guess you might have just written the first thing that came to mind, so long as the general idea was there. It often happens to me, too; and probably ~80% of my YouTube comments have to be edited later.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I have never told anyone and last year I got the courage to tell my husband that I have sexually induced sneezing - he was very accepting and supportive and I talked a little about the sneeze fetish, but he didn't have much to contribute from lack of experience.  Not sure what the next step is or what to try, but working on figuring it out.  I have had this fetish for 20 + years so it felt strange but free to talk about it a little.  Now I want to figure out what I should try with my husband first, as it is all new territory for me as well. 

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  • 3 years later...

Good question.

I have a partner tho I don’t reveal my sneeze fetish. My partner’s sneezing are smooth and attractive, but I individually didn’t choose him according to my fetish.

I will be totally embarrassed if my partner knows that and start adding to sex.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I will say my wife sharing her fetish with me and helping me to understand it and learn about it has helped our sex life tremendously!  I now love indulging in sneezing for her and myself and it really makes things so much more fun in private ;)

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Personally, I couldn't imagine not communicating my kinks to my partner and likewise. While I greatly appreciate it when partners indulge me, it's not a dealbreaker as I wouldn't rely solely on one person to fulfill all my wants/needs.

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Personally, I would be alright whether the fetish was indulged or not. But being able to finally reveal it to my partner after keeping it to myself my entire life, and after so many relationships where I wondered what would happen if I brought it up, it just feels great being able to share it with someone and be supported in it.
 

My partner, at the end of the day, supports my fetish and while they don’t share the fetish, have indulged in it to the extent that they’re comfortable with, and are happy to do what they can to incorporate it into our sex life. I feel heard most of all, and not just written off as a crazy person, and that’s not something we experience every day in this community.

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For me personally it is not a make or break deal. It's just kind of a little something extra 

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Would it be nice for added spice from time to time? Absolutely!

Necessary? Not at all. There's way more to a relationship than the fetish

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  • 3 months later...

i haven’t told my boyfriend yet and i don’t know if i ever will, i actually kinda like that he doesn’t know what it does to me. i think i would feel too embarrassed to ask him to indulge in it, but i’m into other things as well that are more “normal” so it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker since i wasn’t really planning on telling him (anytime soon) anyways 

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To me it’s important that it was accepted, because it is important to me and because it is an undeniable part of myself.
 

That it was indulged was less important, but fortunately my then boyfriend/now husband is happy to.

I think a lot of people find that seeing their partner becoming aroused makes THEM more aroused as a result. So they become keen to do something that turns their partner on, so long as they are ok with it. And sneezing is extremely tame by sexual fetish standards, AND a natural bodily reflex.

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