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Allergy Stifles (Male, multiples)


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I'm on a roll today with obs of ex-boyfriends! This set of obs holds a special place in my heart, and I revisit them from time to time when I need a little help...getting over the edge. 

Several years ago, I was living in the UK for a few months and had a hot and heavy fling with a man for the last six weeks of my time there. Let's call him T. T was 32 years old, 6'3, slim, dark brown hair (thick/straight), brown eyes. Long, straight nose and those thin "British" lips that are irresistible to me on the right man. T was a bit timid and bumbling in that delightful southern English way (I mention this because it plays into why I love these obs so much), and I was absolutely crazy about him, to the extent that when I slept over, we would often end up getting to 4 or 5pm the following day without having eaten because we couldn't manage to leave the bed.

Context sorted, on to the obs. 

We were walking by the river on an afternoon out, when all of a sudden he pulled his hand out of mind and goes, "I need to sneeze". I obviously perked right up!!! He looked a tad distant for a minute or so while we continued walking, but didn't look particularly sneezy, and then, to my disappointment, said, "Oh it went away". At which point, I hornily instigated sneeze talk by saying "Oh, I hate when that happens! Do you have allergies?". To my immense pleasure, he replied, "Oh god, yes. I have the worst hayfever. We're just about getting into the summer months when it's really bad for me because of the tree pollen." .........!

About 20 minutes later, he suddenly pitches forward, bending nearly 90 degrees, and sneezes the most powerful stifle I've ever heard, "MMPHCH-UHHHH!!". With one of those massive breaths out at the end that tells you just how powerful the stifled sneeze was. No air came out of his nose, which he was aggressively holding closed with his hand and fingers. My head snapped up and over to him immediately, just in time to see another,, "MMPHCH-AHHH!". I blessed him as he straightened up, only to double over again about 5 seconds later with another, "MMPHCH-UH!", and then he said, a bit stuffily and good naturedly, "They ALWAYS come in threes." I just about died and ended up kissing him so much we decided we needed to leave the river and go home. 

A few weeks later, we had plans to meet up for drinks and dinner. I went out for an early drink with a friend while he finished up something at home. It was summer, so the days were long, and - you guessed it - the tree pollen was finally out. While I was out with my friend, I received a text from him saying, "I'm really sorry, I'm running about 30 minutes late. Just struggling with hayfever". Needless to say, this stopped me in my tracks. I, of course, offered condolences and suggested I come to his, but he insisted we go out. Sooo....I suggested we buy beers from the off-license and drink them in a nearby park. Bit naughty and brazen of me, but I'm a bit proud of my younger self for this one. 

When we were sitting having our beers, IT HAPPENED. He was sitting with his legs bent in front of him (knees up, feet flat on the ground), with one arm wrapped around his legs (hope this makes sense), when all of a sudden, he pitches forward with three rapid-fire, violent sneezes that he stifled desperately. I was about a foot away from him, so I got a close-up view of the entire thing. Ahh?! MMPH! AHHH?! MMPH! AHH?! MHHPH!!!-Uuhhhh. With that same massive breath out at the end. He kept his fingers firmly pinched around his long nose and nostrils the entire time, so no mess had a chance to escape, but I could see his entire face contorting during and leading up to each violent sneeze. His eyes squeezed shut, his mouth (those lips!) would open in a grimace of pain and then clamp shut, his eyebrows would raise and then furrow as his nose spasmed again and again. The whole thing was so fantastically helpless, desperate, and vulnerable, and in a man who wanted so badly to remain buttoned-up, proper, and contained, the primal nature of it and the power play dynamic put me over the edge to this day. Even as he tried to stifle, the sneezes were so strong they just wracked his entire body for those few glorious moments. 

He seemed quite embarrassed and apologized, which I obviously told him was entirely unnecessary. He then leaned back and started rummaging around in his fitted jeans pockets for tissues, when he realized he'd forgotten to pack any. I had some napkins in my bag, which I handed him, and he blew his nose soooo lightly (ha!). Clearly trying to be polite. I guess I was feeling especially bold that day, because I started telling him he didn't need to hold them back around me, didn't it hurt? etc. and asked all sorts of questions about allergies, as I [sadly] have none. Later, as we were walking to dinner, he bent over with another violent stifle, just a single this time, "MMPH-HUH!", and I got a double out of him when we were heading back to his place at the end of the night. "HMMP-UH! MMPH-UH!". When we got back to his, the sneezing cleared up, but I found all of his wastebaskets filled to the brim with tissues and toilet paper. I always think back to that first text "going to be 30 minutes late, struggling with hayfever" and imagine this sexy, tall, buttoned-up man trying to get ready for a date and just having to stop and sneeze and sneeze and sneeze, blowing his tickly nose into tissue after tissue, filling up the wastebaskets and panicking over whether he'll be able to get his nose under control in time to meet the woman he likes. 




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*fans self* whew I  don't know if I could have managed to contain myself lol! Thanks for sharing!

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