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It could’ve been better


taimatique

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Hey everybody here's an original story I hope to continue! I think that chronic illness awareness can come in a lot of forms and decided to write this specific story, hoping to somehow help couples that are battling chronic illnesses (with a touch of fetish). To all of us who are trying hard to make the best of difficult situations, I hope you enjoy.

CW: The sneezer in this story has a disease called cystic fibrosis. 

 

It could’ve been better

part 1. I wish my beer pong skills were better

 

 All I could hear was the vibrating sound. A very loud, echoey, rhythmic sound that seemed to ravage not only the entire room she was in, but perhaps the entire house too. It was as if my heart was trying to match its rhythm, but it was way too fast for me. Everything has been too fast lately and the only escaping route for me has been playing video games. Not much for romanticizing my entire life, right? Playing mine craft like a failure while my beautiful yet always so sick girlfriend does her treatments next door. Oh yeah, I my bad, I should’ve put some context into it:

Cystic Fibrosis. It’s the genetic disorder that is currently ravaging my dear love’s body, day by day, second by second. It affects not only her lungs, but also her digestive system. It produces a massive amount of mucus, kind of gross I know… Most of it gets stuck in her respiratory system and provoke massive infections. Think pneumonia, but 10x worse, that’s when the loud vibrating sound comes in the story because that big amount of mucus needs to come out. She uses the vest, a life jacket kinda looking thing that fills in with air and vibrates her already too thin frame. The more vibrations, the more she coughs, the more she coughs, the more mucus she is able to spit out.

‘’HhEShHiewW!’’

Oh, and sneeze, she does that a lot too. Not that I mind really… being a fetishist, we use to laugh about it, saying her illness should come with at least some pros. Sneezing was one of them.

I climbed up the stairs heading straight to the office. We managed to make up the best of our place and transformed the so-called office into what any person would call a hospital room. But for Zoey, it’s the office. And we shall only address it as such. Untangling herself from all the vest equipment and nebulizer she smiles at me, butterflies already setting up in my stomach.

‘’Well, bless you.’’ I say standing in the doorway, we try to keep the room as clean as possible and me, being the control freak that I am, simply refuse to sit beside her on the makeshift non-hospital but not-quite office-bed’’. I mean I won't risk contaminating any surfaces if it isn’t necessary. She says I’m overreacting. I say I’m perhaps… yeah… Overreacting? She can’t really answer me, eyes half closed, mouth half open. There’s this little crease in between her eyebrows that I am more than used to see, but then again still enjoying.

‘’HeketChHEew, Hh'tchh..eEw!" She sneezes in her elbow trying to turn away from me, even though I am meters away from her. She knows more are coming. With a little huff, she rubs at her nose trying to dislodge the tickle. With a final inhale she sneezes another double. *Hh…He.. HekShHEew… ugh. hhh….HhEkshHAa!’’ Sneezing attacks are common for her after treatment. I’ve always found them adorable.

As I open my mouth to bless her I can see that these two last sneezes triggered something a bit less adorable.

She coughed and coughed; hacking should be the word. Her porcelain complexion turning to an aggressive shade of red. It is normal for us… coughing attacks that simply knock the air out of her, yet it could be alarming to the average person. She spits into a red plastic cup. We keep those all around the house. Perhaps we are beer pong athletes perhaps we are battling a killing genetic condition. Sadly, my beer pong skills aren’t top notch.

I head to the bathroom searching for a tissue box as I can see her eyes watering. It’s really taking a toll on her. As I come back with the tissues she is still struggling. Despite her lack of air, still panting from her last bout of coughs, she looks at me with tired tears dripping down her cheeks.

‘’So… How was that monster spawner you’ve been trying to destroy all morning?’’ She asks me with a stuffed-up voice, but a big a smile as if nothing just happened, as if it was the most normal thing to ask after a near death experience. I laughed out loud, handing her the box of tissues as I could see clearly her nose running. ‘’HEekshHew! Sorry…ugh, my nose is just tickling so much!’’

‘It’s okay, don’t you apologize… And It could’ve been better, those blue spiders can be nasty!’’ I answer with irony as she blows her nose. ‘’How about your morning monster?’’ I ask, trying to find a way to subtly ask her who she feels without actually… you know… showing desperate signs that I’m worried. She rolls her eyes and slowly rearrange a strand of loose blond hair behind her ear. Still holding that crumbly tissue under her nose. She hates it when I worry yet still answered.

‘’Could’ve been better.’’

Edited by Reader
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  • 3 months later...

Hi everybody, here's a part two! I hope everybody is okay in these weird circumstances let's keep our hopes up!

Part 2. A 10 000$ smile

Today is a big day, not as big as our future wedding, not as important as the birth of our future child (YES as a young lesbian couple we do have big plans ahead!) But today is the day we are heading to our friend’s cabin. And for someone like Zoey who is chronically ill…Or for me who is deeply socially awkward, it is quite a big deal. My love is all happy, going up and down the stairs, packing our suitcases while I’m prepping the most important part of any trips…The food.

Our plan is pretty step forward; We leave de house at eleven, go pick up Zoey’s best friend Lena on our way and enjoy our 5 hours drive to the mountains to meet the others.

 Pretty standard.

‘’Change of plans!’’ I hear from the upstairs bedroom. Followed up with a vocal hitch ‘’he h’hhH! h-htsShhh’’ My heart races up in no time. A change of plans usually means that Zoey isn’t feeling well, maybe got a call from the doctors or anything apocalyptic related, which to be honest, could happen! As I stare at the package of already pre sliced, pre chewed and almost pre digested mock chicken in my hands, I hear the love of my life coming up to me. ‘’… Are you okay?’’ She asks me while awkwardly, wiping her nose on her forearm, a tinge of mockery in her voice. It is a bit ironic, I do have to give her that.

Coming out of my anxiety filled mock chicken target fixation, I change my course of view to the most beautiful women on earth. She tilts her head, trying to get my attention. Her beautiful dark blond hair stuck in the messiest bun I’ve ever seen her wear, perhaps a bit of leftover toothpaste stuck to her chin, holding an impressive number of bags and luggage for her petite frame. ‘’Lena texted… We need to stop at the pharmacy on our way! Her allergies are really bad today!’’ This is where I laugh. And Zoey does too without really understanding why. ‘’I though you wouldn’t mind!’’ She keeps answering still laughing, questioning me with her deep green eyes. Searching for an explanation towards our almost maniac laughing spell.

Yes Lena has impressive allergies, and for us, a sneeze fetishist couple, it has always been a running gag of pleasure at every encounter. Lena would sneeze and Zoey, being quite ‘’immune’’ to anything fetishist related to Lena over the years, would always pass a comment in my regard such as exclaiming ‘’Bless you Lena! Amber why aren’t you blessing Lena?!’’ Following up with a wink. Of course, I melt every time and the possibility of enduring such pleasure in a 5-hr car ride was way better than any bad news my stress infused brain was preparing itself for.

‘’No! It’s… It’s good! Sure!’’ I answer Zoey while motioning her to drop all the heavy bags still resting in her arms. Wiping down the toothpaste on her chin with a grin, I simply lift her up on the kitchen counter behind her, my arms holding her steady around the hips. She giggles a bit, a 1000$ smile still plastered to her face. An expensive smile that I haven’t had much chance to see lately with her health declining. Leaning in closer to kiss her, her freckled nose is touching mine while her breath warms up my lips. ‘’You are beautiful’’ I whispered slowly before kissing her, breathing in her vanilla sent, her happiness, her will to live.

‘’You… he… Hh’’ She hitches against my lips, trying to back away a little bit. Zoey always tend to have dramatic builds up before sneezing, which I love. Shaking my head a bit, I place my hand behind her neck, holding her in place, still taking in all the beauty that she is despite the warning of an incoming sneeze. She tries to rub her nose on mine trying to take down the itch that was growing inside her sinuses ‘’Ugh… I ah… Hhehhhh’’ Scrunching up her nose adorably, she looks up at the ceiling with a slight shake of the head, her breath still hitching while I kiss her neck. That seemed to do the trick as she bent down forcefully with a single ‘’ HeEtssh!’’ Spraying the air in front of us, clearly not having enough time to duck her head to the side. I backed up a little to avoid a possible head collision but still held her steady on the edge of the counter. Giggling a bit, I offered her a ‘’Bless you’’, my cheeks burning.

With another sharp intake of breath, she didn’t even have the time to reply that her body was shaken by another breathy double ‘’ Heh.. h’h-htssh! Hhetshieww’’. Placing both of her hands on my shoulder to steady herself, she sneezed openly on my torso, sniffling a bit as if afraid of letting a hand go to rub her nose. I raised my hand slowly lifting her chin up to wipe her nose with my thumb. My light touch seemed to trigger another forceful tickle has she turned away slightly from my touch, eyes already closing ‘’Heh.. HEtschiew!’’ I keep my head in front of her covering her sneeze, shielding both of us from the next set of spray.

‘’Bless you beautiful! Guess someone else will need allergy pills before leaving...’’ I signed with a smirk. Coughing up a laugh, she rubs her nose on my shirt as I kiss her head.

Make it a 10 000$ smile.

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Part 3. Purple blanket

So, let me talk about Zoey, as she is not quite the princess and not quite the scary dragon, I would gladly say that she is a warrior. Battling everyday a disease that is bigger than her, and quite frankly… bigger than me too. To be able to live in a somewhat normal life, she needs to get out of the house sometimes, and believe me the exterior is a scary place.

As I play Tetris in the back of the car, trying to manage the space that has taken all her medical equipment and our stuff, I wonder if all of this is a good idea. Going on a trip, in a far away cabin, with a lot of people, which means more germs, and more germs are bad for Zoey… Yet again, she is here to remind me how much of a germaphobe I am to begin with…. And also, how much she needs normality. Plus, Lena is waiting for us and they both need a good dose of allergy medicine.

‘’Hhh’hehh ‘’ I see my beautiful girlfriend struggling in the sunlight, nose towards the sky, hitching softly with her hands already cupped ready to catch the up-coming sneeze.

‘’Babe you can do it!’’ I encourage her with a tinge of sarcasm in my voice and a wink. Her head drops down and she pouts at me. Of course, I made her lose it. This is one of my favorite games! As I struggle to place and replace our bags on top of each other in the trunk, I hear her muffle a couple of coughs, then unexpectedly a rather set of wet ‘’ H’htssSh! H’tschhiew! Ugh, finally!’’ Turning just in time to see her bend over at the waist for the last one, I could see the large amount of spray tans piercing the sunlight. Yup, definitely allergy sneezes. She replaces some strands of hair in her eyes as she redresses herself with a liquid *snfl*, wiping her nose on her forearm. I can’t help but stifle a laugh, she is so adorable.

‘’Bless you, milady! Now may you please enter the car as we are quite ready for our departure?’’ I ask her with a very bad British accent, which always contribute to make her smile. Closing the trunk, taking her hand, I gently kiss her fingers, surprised that I can still feel a bit of moisture on them from her last set of sneezes. ‘’Babe these were strong!’’ I exclaim myself while gently wiping her hand down on my jeans, not that I minded clearly, but Zoey usually didn’t have such a wet productive sneeze.

‘’Yeah, I don’t know what’s wrong… I think my new meds are messing up a bit, I feel more sniffly.’’ She sighed as she pointed her nose with a slight crease between her eyes. I kiss her nose, feeling her breath, pick up already anyway. Another sneeze was inevitable. Maybe it was her meds indeed, with the quantity she is taking for CF one of them might do something crazy. I was satisfied with this answer, as long as it wasn’t a cold. As I said, germs could be really harmful for Zoey.

While I situate her in the car she wipes her nose again on her forearm leaving a small trail of wetness. ‘’Ugh, do we have heehh h’Hh’’ Tissues. I finished her sentence mentally while roaming around. We always keep some in the car, but of course with the amount of stuff packed up, I can’t reach them.

‘’Hang on babe!’’ I tell her, opening bags after bags as I could still hear her hitching. *snghf* ‘’ ugh heh’hhH’’ Again, she raises her head up, nose pointing at the ceiling, with two small streaks of clear mucus dripping down her nostrils. Not having time to find any tissues, I quickly move my hand over her nose and mouth to avoid a slight mess. ‘’ Huh.. H’tschmp! Argh Hehh’h…’’ She keeps her eyes closed, warning me that there is more to come. I wipe my hand on the side of my thigh shivering of happiness. Covering her sneeze has always been I would do even before she knew I had the fetish, being her girlfriend and full-time carer, she really didn’t mind. Sniffling again, she sighed with frustration. ‘’ Hetschiew! H’htssh!’’ This time spraying over the dashboard. I quickly manage to yank a box of tissues behind my seat, almost falling over her in the process.

‘’Bless you Zo’ here…’’ She nodded, acknowledging me, eyes still closed. Rapidly pulling tissues out of the box to wipe her nose, even though we both knew she was going to sneeze again before doing anything else. ‘’Heh.. huptschhiew!... Okay, I’m done! Sorry for that!’’ She apologises while resigning herself to finally blow her nose. ‘’Don’t apologies baby, it’s okay!’’ I reassure her as I pulled out of the drive way.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The rest of the ride over Lena’s place was more than calm, Zoey slowly falls asleep with her head lolling to the side of the window. I could still hear some liquid sniffles coming from her, thinking she wasn’t totally asleep. Yet, as I parked Infront of her best friend’s house, she didn’t move a muscle. Mouth open, almost snoring, my love was way more stuck in dream land than I thought. Luckily Lena was waiting for us on her front porch, and quickly made a move over the car. Seeing that the car was already packed up, she simply sat in the back with her bags on her knees, whispering a very gentle ‘’Hey Amber!’’ nodding with a smile to Zo’ who was now basically drooling beside me.

‘’Yes...sorry she was struggling a bit this morning...’’ I answered, looking back at Lena, suddenly trying to suppress a gasp of surprise. The poor girl's eyes were really puffy, almost shedding tears as her angry red nostrils were rimmed with a small sheen of mucus. She looked like she’s been bawling her eyes out. With a suppressed laugh, she raises her hands.

‘’I know hahah I look bad, don’t worry it’s just allergies! The pollen count has been way over the line today! ’’ The congestion in her voice and the sniffle at the end of her statement proved her point. She slowly opened her bag, wiping her nose on the end of her sleeve midway. With a far away look that I know too well, she shook her head slightly to the side whispering a quite urgently ‘’Oh come on...’’ To herself. Thinking she was searching for a tissue, preparing herself for the inevitable, I hand her over the box of tissues that Zoey was using 20 minutes ago.

‘’It’s okay, we are heading to the pharmacy to get you guys something for that anyway, you’ll be fine.’’ I add with a shy smile, of course my big, bright red, tomato face was starting to come out.

She nodded, but kept roaming around the inside of her bag, quite oblivious to the tissues I was handing her. She stopped at of a sudden with a sharp intake, backing away in her seat a bit, ducking into her elbow for a suppress ‘’Hh-hapttsshahh.. h’hh Hngx! Hah, I don’t wanna wake her up!’’ She stifled the second sneeze almost perfectly, now eying the tissue box in my hand.

‘’It’s fine, Lena...’’ I simply answered, glancing at Zoey who didn’t even budge from her seat, totally oblivious to the small commotion in the back. Looking back at Lena, ready to take the road again, I see her still recovering from her last two sneezes, gently wiping tears from her eyes with the tissues, but still searching in the content of her bag.

‘’Here’’ she says, pulling out a small purple travel blanket from her backpack, nodding towards Zoey again. ‘’Cover her with this... She’ll be comfier!’’ She whispers with a smile. Lena has always been protective towards my girlfriend and I’ve always been grateful to have her in our life. As I take the blanket from her, she sneezes a last itchy ‘’h’hatschh’’ into her shoulder, avoiding to spray me in the face. Backing up right away with the tissue under her nose, she whispers a small ‘’... Sorry Amber.’’ Shaking her head.

‘’You’re okay Lena, let's get going!’’ I reply with a wink once Zoey was settled under her blanket.

This was going to be an interesting trip.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Part 4. Who's ready to party

With the most of the ride already done, Zoey and Lena were now both in the back, dancing and singing to the radio. Zo’ woke up mid travel, and decided to move beside her friend after our pee break at the gas station. Stuck in their mutual allergy medicine induced weirdness, they were both beautifully crazy. As I parked in the gravel filled spot in front of the cabin their loud, funny, singing duo, quickly turned into a new bout of coughs for Zoey, bracing herself on her side towards the window, I could see that she was trying to contain them.

‘’Jeez! I didn’t know those lyrics!’’ Exclaimed Lena with sarcasm trying to diffuse the situation a bit. She pressed her hand on Zoey’s back and glanced towards me, as I decided to raise the volume of the radio a bit, perhaps to quell the heavy sound of my girlfriend literal choking spell.

We both knew she was quite self-conscious about her coughing in public. Not just in front of strangers, but loved ones also.  I understood... it was the look, the pity, the disgust. Sometimes both mixed together. She didn’t like it. And always wanted us to continue living the course of our life as if nothing was happening, while she caught her breath.  I turned down the windows in the back trying to let fresh air in. It seemed to trigger an instant reaction on Lena, as she turned away from Zoey quite abruptly, ducking her head in her elbow, but a hand still firmly placed on my, still coughing, girlfriend’s back. ’HapttsshaAhh! Oh my * snghf* sorry...’’ Even though she covered her sneeze, I still saw the spray sparkling in the sun. I could feel my cheeks grow suddenly red.

‘’... Didn’t know... those lyrics either!’’ Said Zoey with a small smile rolling her eyes a bit. With a last cough that left her deeply out of breath, she glanced at me with a wink and murmured a ‘’bless you’’ to Lena at her side. Busted. Of course, she knew I enjoyed it.

A sudden BANG! On my left side window got us all out of our trance. I turned off the car and saw Lindsey, our friend and also the owner of the cabin looking at us. ‘’What is up with the music?! you guys are not in the city anymore! Stop waking-up the bears! ‘’ She ironically screamed, laughing. Always confident, Lindsey was the ‘’mother’’ of the group. Three years older than us, she and her boyfriend Caleb were together since high school. Always direct and upfront, she could pass as quite scary at first, but has a heart of gold. Caleb and her got the cabin from his side of the family, and they were always ready to receive us whenever.

Rearranging her redhead ponytail, she walked towards Zoey’s side of the car, as we all got out. ‘’Caleb left with the quad to help the boys! They got lost on their way here. I swear these guys are gonna be the end of me!’’ She explained with an over exaggerated sigh, hugging Zoey. ‘’Lena! Someone broke your heart again or something?’’ She then asked, eyeing the young girl carefully. Her eyes were still quite puffy, her nose running despite the medicine we gave her. Not to mention that spending a weekend in the woods, wasn’t going to help her.

‘’She was just too happy to see me!’’ Answered Zoey, laughing quite carefully, making sure she wouldn’t start coughing any time soon.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Me and Lena managed to unload the car quickly enough, while Lindsey and Zo’ were getting the beds ready for the troops. We weren’t sure how many people were coming. Caleb had invited some his friends also... Lindsey had her plan made up tough: Me and Zoey would take their bedroom upstairs, it had a door that could actually close and was closer to the bathroom, which was quite convenient for Zoey’s treatments. Lena would have the guest room right beside it, all for herself, while the boys would take the living room downstairs. They filled it with inflatable mattresses, which gave it a ‘’Scout camp’’ look. Not that they should mind. They were going to be drunk most of the times anyway. There was an old RV in the back of the backyard that will be Lindsey’s home for the weekend. And maybe Caleb. If he was nice.

‘’Heh’hhH! h-htsShhh.. H’tschmp!’’ A set of breathy sneezes took me out of my thoughts, it wasn’t Lena this time. I would recognize those sneezes anywhere.  Zoey was standing on the porch, wiping her nose on her forearm. I quickly place the last backpack over my shoulder and run over to her.

‘’Bless you love!’’ I said, taking her in my arms. She rested her head in my neck seemingly out of breath. Lena walked being me and took care of the bags without saying a word. I knew my girlfriend was getting more tired by the second. All this commotion was getting the best of her. She was lacking energy. Always. With another shuddering breath, she backs up a bit, leaving enough space for her to rub her nose on the back of her hand. ‘’Allergies are really getting to you Zo’...’’ I sighed ‘’How’s that breathing of yours?’’ She looked up at me, eyes fluttering. ‘’Hehh-hh’’ I saw her nostrils expand slowly, a small strike of clear mucus running down on the divot of her upper lip. She tried to sniff is back up with no result. Knowing she would sneeze without having the chance to answer, I simply replaced her head in the crook of my neck, waiting for her to expel the microscopic allergens that have been bothering her all morning. ‘’ I feel- hEh.. h’htsch!’’ She sneezed against my collarbone, trying to contain the spray, her body rocked quite forcefully against mine. ‘’ Hh’esHhiew’’ The force of it seemed to make her a little dizzy, as we both swayed a little from her last sneeze. Slowly raising her chin up, I gently pinch her nostrils to dispel them from the congestion, wiping her nose with my thumb. She sniffs back a bit with a tickly huff. Shaking her head, mouth open.

‘’Are you guys okay?’’ Asks Lindsey in the doorway suddenly. I know she meant strictly Zoey, but it for sure passed better asking about the both of us... Zoey isn't liking being the ‘’porcelain doll of the group ‘’ as she calls it. With a last congested ‘’Hh'tchheEw’’ in front of us, she wipes the wetness out of her eyes.

‘’Just sneezy...’’ I answered for her, nodding to Lindsey with a small smile. I knew she could still see the worry in my eyes, as I rubbed Zoey’s back. Her breathing was getting more ragged and I knew she needed a neb treatment.  ‘’The bedroom is all set if you both wanna nap or something...’’ Suggested Lindsay carefully ‘’You should rest now, before the kids come home.’’ That triggered an instant laugh and an instant cough from my girlfriend. Doubling over with another cough and another she was struggling more by the second. Lindsay quickly came over, supporting her from her left side as I took the right, slowly directing her inside.

‘’Lindsey stop it with your jokes, see how terrible you are!’’ Exclaimed Lena in the kitchen laughing, heading straight upstairs to grab Zoey’s medical bag as we sit her down on the closest chair. It was a fake laugh, a nervous laugh. But it did help a bit. Rolling her eyes to the ceiling, the redhead lays a box of tissues on Zoey’s lap.

‘’Don’t spit on my new floor, Blender!’’ She said with irony, eyeing her, very old, dusty and cracked wooden floor. Blender was the name Lindsay gave Zoey at school. Making a very bad reference to the loud sound she makes while she coughs. Again, another nervous laugh, as I bend down in front of my girlfriend. Openly wiping her nose with a tissue, not minding our friends around. We quickly set her up on her breathing therapy device, it wasn’t the first time Lena was setting it up, and she did it with very practical hands. Out of the blue, we heard a very distinctive sound outside.

‘’Who’s ready to partyyyy!?’’

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