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Stubbornness will only get you so far (pig-nose)


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My friends were all talking about pig noses tonight, so I wrote something quick and dirty in that vein. Rami's your standard anthro pig-nosed guy, and Dana loves him very much.


Dana couldn’t stay quiet any longer. She and Rami were reading their books in the library, and her husband had been snuffling away the last fifteen minutes. His long, broad snout crinkled with each fresh effort he made, but clearly hadn’t been satisfied with any of them.

“Something bothering you, Rami?”

He frowned up at her. “No. Why?”

“You just looked a little… ticklish, that’s all. And you’ve been sniffing.”

“No I haven’t.” Rami sniffed. His nostrils narrowed briefly, then relaxed into their natural wide ovals.

Dana pointed an accusing finger in his direction. “You just did it! Literally just now!”

“Only because you mentioned it.” Rami shot her an affronted glare. “If somebody talks about sniffing like that, it makes a man want to. It’s a reflex action.”

“Oh, really? So if I were to tell you that your nose is looking awfully twitchy all of a sudden…?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Leave me alone if you’ve nothing sensible to say.”

Rami turned exaggeratedly back to his book, though Dana saw he couldn’t resist touching one knuckle to the edge of one wide, forward-facing nostril. Perhaps he didn’t even realise he’d done it. Like a reflex.

She leaned back in her own chair and got comfortable. She meant to play this for all it was worth.

“Maybe it’s the dust?” she suggested, striving for an innocent tone she knew he wouldn’t buy for a moment. “It has been a while since I cleaned in here, and all these books can get so  dusty if you don’t watch out.”

“It isn’t dusty.”

“Are you sure? It does drift, so. Such tiny tickly particles, drifting through the air.”

“I know what you’re doing.” Rami sniffed again, not looking at her. “And it’s very silly. It isn’t dusty in here.”

His voice carried conviction, but the slight twitch of his left nostril at the word “dusty” was enough to goad Dana on.

“Well, there must be something. Something’s got to you. Something’s setting up a gentle itch inside your snout.”


“Your poor nose acknowledges it, even if you won’t. I can tell. Something’s tickling that left nostril, right near the top- oh! There it goes again!” She giggled without meaning to as Rami’s nostril twitched, making him sniff again.

He did look up at her now. “Dana. This isn’t going to work.”

“Why’s that? You obviously have a tickle. I can see it, growing, and building, bigger and bigger…”

“You’re not going to get me this time.”

“Bet you I will.”

“Loser washes the dishes tomorrow?”

“Deal, twitchy.”

Rami turned back to his book with a slight smile on his face. Dana rose from her chair and walked over to his.

“If you touch my face, that’s cheating.”

“Don’t need to.” Dana leant on the back of his chair and began to whisper in his ear. “Not when it’s going to happen on its own. You can already feel it, prickling and tickling, starting to-”

“No I can’t.”

“There’s something in your nose, Rami, something that isn’t welcome there at all.

Rami’s nose twitched, and Dana doubled down.

“It’s lodged back there, just where you can’t scratch-”

He sniffed again, cleared his throat.

“Just in the most maddening place for an itch to start, and it’s already started-”

Dana heard Rami’s breathing falter, just for an instant. He must have been more bothered even than she’s guessed. She rushed on, not wanting to give him time to gather himself.

“And once it’s started, of course, there’s no way you can stop it. You can breathe as carefully as you like, it’s still there, and you can feel it tickling a little more with every breath you take…”

She paused to bring her next antagonisms in line with rami’s inhales.








“Growing unbearable.”


“Building to an impossible need.”

Rami was struggling to bring his breath back into rhythm, she could tell. His snout was working against him, broad nostrils irritated and active, moving to the beat of their own ticklish drum.

“That need to purge it from you, get it out in-”

hh-” it was bitten off as soon as he could, but Dana knew she had won this struggle.

 “-one big sneeze.”

“Dan-ah, y-you’re being s- si-”

“Oh, won’t that feel good, Rami? Won’t it be the biggest relief in the world?”


You’re so close,” she whispered, watching those sensitive pink nostrils flare wide, ready to go if his resolve wavered even for a second.

“Such an overwhelming, all-consuming, ticklish, urgent need.

“I- I’m not g- Not that easi-hh!” Rami’s hand jerked up from his book, the almost-sneeze overriding his hold on his dignity. He held it back for a long moment, eyes closed, breath arrested. His snout was crinkled along its length and his nostrils were trembling, perfect pink circles. Before he could claw back his control, Dana went in for the kill.

“So itchy…feels so good to let it go… one sneeze. One big, scouring sneeze would feel so-

Rami couldn’t take it any longer. Or rather, Rami’s nose couldn’t take it.

hh-nohht- hh… hHH’YISCHHHHuhhh!”

He flung himself forward with an enormous sneeze knocking the book from his lap. So occupied in trying to prevent it, he had given no thought to covering his face, and Dana had a perfect view as he sneezed across the rug.

“Bless you!” She laughed. “All the dishes, mind you! That ought to teach you to be stubborn!”

Rami thrust an elbow at her, but otherwise didn’t respond to her jibing. His hands flew to his pockets and, a moment later, he began to gasp needily once more, head tilting back as he raced to find a handkerchief before he lost every trace of control. His nose twitched, his open nostrils shining wetly in the lamplight.


He dragged the handkerchief from his pocket but couldn’t hold on long enough to get it in position, sneezing across it in a helpless rush.

huh’yiIZZSCHHHuh! hh!

He scrambled to fully cover his snout in time for the third sneeze, cupping both hands around the cloth.


He scrubbed the handkerchief up and down, pushing his pliable snout back and forth as he sought to extinguish the fire in his nose. His lack of success was evident in the slow squinting of his eyes, and the undeterred mounting of his breath towards a shuddering climax.

huh…huhhh… HHUH’YISCHHHhhuhh!

That finished it, and Rami set to blowing his nose, pressing the handkerchief inside the edges of his nostrils to collect the last traces of wetness that lingered there. Dana leaned forward to kiss the back of his neck, not quite apologetic, but sympathising.

Bless you! That was really something.”

“So it was,” Rami gasped. He reached back and patted her leg. “Don’t do that again.”

Dana moved to perch on the arm of his chair.

“Only if you promise not to be so stubborn.” She kissed the top of his snout. “Otherwise I can’t help myself.”

Rami chuckled. “I can’t promise anything of the kind.”

“Well then.” Dana snaked an arm around her husband’s shoulders. “It sounds like you’ll get everything you ask for.”

“Hrmm. I can live with that.”

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This is a REALLY cute and fun idea! I can see MANY scenarios play out between these 2 characters that would be super fun! Bravo!

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