Sneeze Jokes

[Bless you, Hi]

Hello! Anyone know any good sneeze jokes? Here’s one I heard:

 

A man visits his friend to watch a basketball game. He’s skipped lunch because his friend’s wife will be serving nachos for the game. But when he arrives, she tells him the nachos won’t be ready for a while. During the opening tip-off, the man spots a fruit bowl nearby.

The man asks his friend, “Would you mind if I have a fruit while we’re waiting on the food? I’m starving!”

“Sure,” says his friend. “Go ahead.”

As the man reaches for the fruit bowl he hears a couple sneezes come from the kitchen.

“Heh-SHOO! Hah-ISHEEW!”

“Ha, ha,” his friend chuckles. “You know, my wife typically sneezes in pairs.”

The man then pushes the fruit bowl away.

“I’ll just wait for the nachos then.”

[Bless you, Hi]

Joke #2

 

A poet walks into a doctor’s office.

“What’s the matter?” the doctor asks.

“Oh doctor! My eyes water like a dewy garden! My nose is leaky as a faucet! And I’m sneezing like a locomotive leaving the station!”

The doctor began writing in his notepad.

The doctor replies, “I’m prescribing you analogy medicine.”

[Agaba]

Maybe this is a little +18...

A woman was sitting newt to a man who kept sneezing and shaking afterwards. 

After awhile, she got curious and asked, "are you feeling okay? I've noticed that you shake a lot after each sneeze."

The man said, "yes, I just have a condition where whenever I sneeze I have an intense orgasm."

The woman said, "oh, my! I can see how that could be very inconvenient. Are you taking anything for it?"

He said, "yes, pepper."

[bben9-kun]

2 hours ago, Agaba said:

Maybe this is a little +18...

A woman was sitting newt to a man who kept sneezing and shaking afterwards. 

After awhile, she got curious and asked, "are you feeling okay? I've noticed that you shake a lot after each sneeze."

The man said, "yes, I just have a condition where whenever I sneeze I have an intense orgasm."

The woman said, "oh, my! I can see how that could be very inconvenient. Are you taking anything for it?"

He said, "yes, pepper."

Wasn't this an animation on YouTube, but with a woman instead?

[Agaba]

4 hours ago, bben9 said:

Wasn't this an animation on YouTube, but with a woman instead?

I don't know, someone told me the joke and I thought it was funny 😅

[Bless you, Hi]

Here are a few Sunday Comics / Funnies

https://www.offthemark.com/cartoon/leisure-hobbies/movies-theatre/2012-04-06

https://www.offthemark.com/cartoon/leisure-hobbies/food-drink/2009-11-18

https://www.offthemark.com/cartoon/careers-jobs/teachers/2000-04-10

https://www.offthemark.com/cartoon/careers-jobs/doctors/1998-11-19

https://www.offthemark.com/cartoon/careers-jobs/doctors/2017-07-10

[BillyS]

Great joke! 

Edited May 19, 2020 by Reader