Driven Mad by my Fiance's Sneeze

[GeoffreyShawcross]

Hello! Sorry if this topic has been broached before. 

   I've been attracted to people sneezing all my known life. Ever since I've bene old enough to know what I like, I've liked the sound of sneezes. 

   Equally, I've loved my partner now for many years. We've got a house and daughter together. We'll be getting married, all being well with the pandemic, next spring. 

   But in the most bizarre turn of events, her sneezes drive me insane. Like properly make my skin crawl. I've never, in all my thirty years, met a woman whose sneeze I didn't find attractive, let alone a sneeze that actually did the polar opposite.

   This is in no way a deal breaker of course, more an observation. I was just wondering, has anyone else been married to, or dated, someone who they loved very much but whose sneezes drive them mad with annoyance?

 

[ALSF]

what dont you like about it? what's her sneeze like?

[March Hare]

That must be a little rough sometimes... does she know about the fetish?

[GeoffreyShawcross]

6 hours ago, Avril Lavigne Sneezing Fit said:

what dont you like about it? what's her sneeze like?

She has a kind of creeping, eye narrowing build up for about ten seconds, followed by a really powerful deep breath and a stifled "Hhhk."

    After the sneeze, she'll often loudly go "OOOOO!" That seems to be a tension release after the stifle. This will then repeat every twenty seconds or so for about seven sneezes. She'll then do a deep snort to itch the back of her throat.

   I honestly have never been able to place what it is about the sneeze that gets to me.

[GeoffreyShawcross]

1 hour ago, March Hare said:

That must be a little rough sometimes... does she know about the fetish?

She doesn't know about the fetish. For some reason it's something I've never been able to bring up to her. Maybe because her sneeze isn't one that really does anything for me, I've never felt the need to.

   The only real hangover of all this is that I feel guilty whenever she sneezes due to my failure to find it hot. It feels a little as if I'm failing in my duty as her partner. 😂

[March Hare]

8 hours ago, GeoffreyShawcross said:

She doesn't know about the fetish. For some reason it's something I've never been able to bring up to her. Maybe because her sneeze isn't one that really does anything for me, I've never felt the need to.

   The only real hangover of all this is that I feel guilty whenever she sneezes due to my failure to find it hot. It feels a little as if I'm failing in my duty as her partner. 😂

Shyeah, I hear that only if she doesn't know about it, then you're not really failing in any duty. It's just a bit of a shame. I'd say you might do better to not ever tell her, though... at least not uless it changes? which of course it could. Anything is possible.

[bloom]

i agree with march that in this case telling is probably a bad idea because you then have to explain that you think her sneeze is totally bogus which would probably make her feel kind of shit.

for me personally -- and i'm not saying this to imply it's the case for you, genuinely speaking for myself only -- if i didn't find a partner's sneeze attractive, it would indicate for me a deeper lack of attraction to them. i definitely have preferences, but MOST sneezes from someone i find super hot are going to do at least something for me, because like... i guess of the concept of them having to do it at all, or something. if i was totally neutral or downright repulsed there would definitely be a problem for me. it doesn't sound like this is the case for you, though, so it's just a weird unfortunate quirk, it seems like.

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

do you think if she didn't stifle her sneeze it would be better for you?

[GeoffreyShawcross]

12 hours ago, •.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.• said:

do you think if she didn't stifle her sneeze it would be better for you?

They would be enormous if she didn't stifle them, which would be ideal for me! But of course I've got no right to decide how she should be sneezing! Even if I did open up about the fetish, I don't think I'd ever tell her how to go about sneezing.

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

5 hours ago, GeoffreyShawcross said:

They would be enormous if she didn't stifle them, which would be ideal for me! But of course I've got no right to decide how she should be sneezing! Even if I did open up about the fetish, I don't think I'd ever tell her how to go about sneezing.

i think if you did tell her about the fetish, it would be okay to ask. like, not tell her to but to ask if she would. lots of times partners are excited to try things that make their partner happy and feel good. i'd leave out the part about how u think stifles are lousy, but u could say about how you really like when she sneezes openly and how would she feel about doing it more often? openess, honesty, and gentle communication of desires is good for a relationship ♡

[Zracken3]

40 minutes ago, •.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.• said:

i think if you did tell her about the fetish, it would be okay to ask. like, not tell her to but to ask if she would. lots of times partners are excited to try things that make their partner happy and feel good. i'd leave out the part about how u think stifles are lousy, but u could say about how you really like when she sneezes openly and how would she feel about doing it more often? openess, honesty, and gentle communication of desires is good for a relationship ♡

This ^^

I can't judge the relationship between you and your fiance, but, from my own experience, if you love each other, she'll be more than happy to have another way to make you happy. Like others have said, don't focus on how much you dislike her current sneezes, but communicate what it is you do like. Even if she doesn't get on board immediately, if you guys are getting married, she'll probably figure something out eventually. Best to offer everything up front and be open, honest, and trusting.

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Trying to jump in from a different angle... could it be that you don't find her sneezes attractive because you haven't felt able to share it with her? 

This may not be the case at all of course in which case, feel free to disregard, but I've experienced something along those lines. Because I wasn't comfortable with my kink at the time, it became a sort of thing in my head where I did share it with my partner but ended up just being entirely apathetic to his sneezes. We talked about the topic but it was compartmentalised in another area of my brain if that makes sense. I'm convinced that was because of my own insecurities and hang-ups rather than the sneeze itself.

[GeoffreyShawcross]

1 hour ago, TheCakeIsAlive said:

Trying to jump in from a different angle... could it be that you don't find her sneezes attractive because you haven't felt able to share it with her? 

This may not be the case at all of course in which case, feel free to disregard, but I've experienced something along those lines. Because I wasn't comfortable with my kink at the time, it became a sort of thing in my head where I did share it with my partner but ended up just being entirely apathetic to his sneezes. We talked about the topic but it was compartmentalised in another area of my brain if that makes sense. I'm convinced that was because of my own insecurities and hang-ups rather than the sneeze itself.

Thanks, that's a genuinely really thoughtful angle I'd never considered! 

   Since posting this a few days ago, I have been mentally trying to imagine how best to tell my partner. I'd really like to thank everyone who's commented on this. It's been a huge huge help.

[oOMariusOo]

For my part, I have already had some reservations about the sneezing of some people. Usually these are cases where the sneezing reminds me of other people that I don't like that much and who sound a bit the same. Sometimes it is even a bad memory that resurfaces and it can even sound like disgust.

I nevertheless think that it would be good to communicate with her, because in the long term, perhaps this reluctance would turn into unease or even disgust. At first, maybe you can do it subtly. Without even talking about the fetishist, just tell him that you find it funny the way she sneezes and ask him where he got from sneezing like that.

It is true that you do not have the right to choose her sneeze, the ideal would be to love her as she is, but if you cannot, it is good to be able to share it, to make her out of your discomfort rather that she makes you uncomfortable without knowing it.

It reminds me a bit of a similar story. A couple of young people who started living together in an apartment, they seemed happy together. But in the long run the man couldn't stand the smell of the young lady's feet. In the end, this little detail ended up creating a lot of tension in their relationship and the girl even had the right to household scenes in the middle of the street and quite violent because the man kept it too much for him at the beginning and ended up exploding.

Nothing beats communication. 
Hope this can help you. 

[Mr. Black Cherry Berry Tea]

idk if this helps at all but yeah if I had a partner who always stifled that would be a turnoff for me. I mean not to get too graphic but I think the orgasm metaphor is part of the whole sneeze kink for me, and the way that interacts with stifles is... yeah, not for me lol.

But anyway, you don't have to say "ugh your stifled sneezes really turn my stomach" in order to say "hey, here's something fun about me you might want to know, sneezes really turn me on, and I have been longing for a minute to hear you sneeze without stifling." Honestly that could make it hotter for both of you that letting out her sneezes is something she only does for you in a sexual context, or that her sneezes are SO BIG that she can only let them out sometimes in private (that would definitely be a turn-on for me!)

Of course, this is all IF she's open to participating in your fetish, but there's a good chance she will be; after all, if you had some otherwise innocuous, easy way to turn her on, you'd embrace it wouldn't you? Or even if it were something that made you a little uncomfortable initially, wouldn't you think about it and see if there's a way you could give it a shot that would feel good to you both? If you're willing to give that to her, I think there's a good chance she's willing to reciprocate. And hey, maybe you can open the floor for her to also share any kinks or interests with you that she might have been ashamed or afraid to share. Or really anything she wants in your sexual or romantic life that she's been afraid to ask for. I think it helps if it's a two-way street!

Edited August 9, 2020 by Mr. Black Cherry Berry Tea

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

1 hour ago, oOMariusOo said:

Without even talking about the fetishist, just tell him that you find it funny the way she sneezes and ask him where he got from sneezing like that

i can't recommend this. it's dishonest, and it's dishonest about something sexual which is even worse for a relationship, and it's passive-aggressive on top of that which could just make her feel hurt or self conscious 

i really have to emphasize how honesty, openess, and gentle communication of desires is key

I agree fully with Mr Tea tho!! 

[oOMariusOo]

11 minutes ago, •.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.• said:

 i can't recommend this. it's dishonest, and it's dishonest about something sexual which is even worse for a relationship, and it's passive-aggressive on top of that which could just make her feel hurt or self conscious 

No no, you misunderstood me. Sorry, it may be a translation error. I didn't mean to make him believe something other than what is. But bring the conversation subtle. If we hesitate to say it or to talk about it, grope the subject a bit, just talk about it without talking about it in order to see the reactions. When you don't know how to say, "Hi honey, I'm a sneezing fetishist !" 

Sorry again, I'm not very good at English, it's not easy to be understood. 

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

10 hours ago, oOMariusOo said:

No no, you misunderstood me. Sorry, it may be a translation error. I didn't mean to make him believe something other than what is. But bring the conversation subtle. If we hesitate to say it or to talk about it, grope the subject a bit, just talk about it without talking about it in order to see the reactions. When you don't know how to say, "Hi honey, I'm a sneezing fetishist !" 

Sorry again, I'm not very good at English, it's not easy to be understood. 

no, no, i understood exactly what you mean! but bringing it up without mentioning that it's a fetish is by default completely dishonest. and beating around the bush about it, especially by lightly poking fun at how she DOES sneeze presently, that's passive aggressive, dishonest, and frankly a bit manipulative? it's just not a good or honest approach!

[oOMariusOo]

@•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•
No, I assure you, you don't understand what I meant. I agree with you when you explain it here, but that's not what I meant at all. Talk about it like it's not a fetishism and play around with it to get pleasure without the other person actually understanding the reason. It's true that it's very dishonest, but that's not what I meant. I'm not at all talking about playing with the person by making them believe something else. But rather to be less direct at the risk that the person is offended by the thing. 

Personally, when I was in a relationship with a woman a few years ago, I wanted to talk to her about my fetishism. But when I hardly dared to broach the subject, she was completely disgusted so I preferred to back down. Have you always revealed your fetishism in your relationship ? Have you ever tested the subject before revealing that it was a fetish for you ?

I wasn't talking about making fun of it either, that's a translation error, sorry. But I meant to get into the subject, see the first reactions it creates and be able to back down if it causes a highly negative reaction. There is nothing dishonest about wanting to protect yourself, to keep your secret if it seems to be going wrong. Most people don't always accept it and even seem to have a certain loathing for this fetishism. After that, it may depend on different countries, different cultures and obviously different people. 

[Lindaa97]

This is quite interesting since I am in the same situation but it’s quite the opposite. My girlfriend's sneezes are obnoxiously loud and rough which I don’t find sexy at all. Your wife’s sneezes sound like a dream to me! 
anyway I do not think this is a big problem , just a shame as it was stated before. My advice is - do not put it like “I get turned on by sneezes but I want you to do it differently and test it out” kind of this. Try to have a convo with her about stifles , that it is not healthy and must be painful for her and you’d recommend sneezing more freely. I am sure she will appreciate this caring from you and try it. And you will be able to see what her open sneezes do to you. If it’s still nothing it is not bad at all, in my opinion. It’s your fetish, your tastes, you owe nothing to anyone and it might as well be something you keep to yourself only. 

[GeoffreyShawcross]

5 hours ago, Lindaa97 said:

This is quite interesting since I am in the same situation but it’s quite the opposite. My girlfriend's sneezes are obnoxiously loud and rough which I don’t find sexy at all. Your wife’s sneezes sound like a dream to me! 
anyway I do not think this is a big problem , just a shame as it was stated before. My advice is - do not put it like “I get turned on by sneezes but I want you to do it differently and test it out” kind of this. Try to have a convo with her about stifles , that it is not healthy and must be painful for her and you’d recommend sneezing more freely. I am sure she will appreciate this caring from you and try it. And you will be able to see what her open sneezes do to you. If it’s still nothing it is not bad at all, in my opinion. It’s your fetish, your tastes, you owe nothing to anyone and it might as well be something you keep to yourself only. 

Yeah, it's really not a big problem, just a weird quirk of fate really! 

   I've asked her a few times about her stifles, as they do sound genuinely painful. Nothing too probing, just "is that not really really sore?" She has always said she can't help it. So I'm never going to push it, as it's her sneeze, and I'm quite happy at the time being to keep my fetish to myself. 

   On a side note, your girlfriends sneezes sound great! I have to admit to being rather jealous! 😂

[Lindaa97]

Haha tastes do differ! I generally don’t find loud sneezes hot because they draw too much attention and there’s no intimacy .. I hope I make sense. plus, it’s amazing how much the stiflers try to keep it contained and honestly I just love the view of it. 
Sorry for the personal question , you aren’t expected to answer if it makes you uncomfortable.. do you feel good with her sexually? Do you need sneezing Involved to feel good?

[GeoffreyShawcross]

7 minutes ago, Lindaa97 said:

Haha tastes do differ! I generally don’t find loud sneezes hot because they draw too much attention and there’s no intimacy .. I hope I make sense. plus, it’s amazing how much the stiflers try to keep it contained and honestly I just love the view of it. 
Sorry for the personal question , you aren’t expected to answer if it makes you uncomfortable.. do you feel good with her sexually? Do you need sneezing Involved to feel good?

That's an ok. I didn't want to broach it in my initial post, as I was unsure as to whether it broke the rules of posting. But we're all good in that department. I've never felt that sneezing would make that an better or more intimate. The fetish is such a personal thing, I often think I'm happy keeping it to myself, and not burdening her with it.