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Untitled Witcher One Shot (Jaskier, M, featuring Yennefer with the kink)

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Hey!  Wrote this short little thing for myself (do we all have a secret word document of sneeze fetishy goodness or am I the only one?)  and then thought, what the heck, I'll post it.   Maybe someone else will enjoy it!  Warning if you don't like: contagion and (misty) messes. This also a littler dirtier than my usual stuff so be aware if you aren't into that.   :)   A Jaskier/Yennefer pairing for purely self-indulgent fantasy purposes.   

So far, this is just a one shot. 




Jaskier sneezed wetly into his well used handkerchief, then blew his red nose in it's folds for what seemed like several long minutes.

“Blessings,” Geralt grumbled, for the eight hundredth time that day.

Jaskier was sick with a head cold and well down in it after a day in the rain and cold wind. Yennefer hadn't seen a nose that delightfully chapped in a long time. It was on a lovely hair trigger too, irritated as it was, and she had watched him several times sneeze spray across his hands or over his shoulder when the urge took him so suddenly he couldn't catch it in his handkerchief in time. It had been decades since Yennefer had been susceptible to such a mortal and mundane thing as a cold. She found herself a bit jealous to be honest, all that pent up anticipation and the resounding wet explosions that followed seemed remarkably... satisfying.  

“My apologies,” Jaskier stumbled out, voice impossibly stuffed up and ragged.

“Not your fault, Jaskier,”  Geralt said, gently, and the bard gave him a tired little smile and picked at his stew.   

It was when she reached for the bread that it happened. Jaskier was chattering away, as usual, despite the quality of his voice.  Going on and on as he had all day about his various symptoms and suffering.

“-the worst cold I've ever had, really, I can't seem to shake the—HEH-CSHSHH!!”

Jaskier sneezed suddenly, uncovered, across the table, the majority of it hitting her hand but some of it misting her cleavage, a speckle on her cheek. She froze, startled and suddenly very aware of the cool wetness against her warm skin. It wasn't...unwelcome. In fact, it was--

“Jaskier,” Geralt scolded and took the bard's elbow but only succeeded in turning the man in time to--


-sneeze twice as hard into Geralt's shoulder and surprised face.  The witcher grunted and released his hold.

“I'b...I'b so sorry,” Jaskier squeaked out, capping his still twitching nose with his handkerchief and blushing a bright red. He turned to Yen, wide-eyed.
“Please don't kill be.”

"You should go upstairs to the room, Jaskier," Geralt ordered, scrubbing the side of his face with his sleeve, "Get some rest...early."

After Jaskier made his sheepish escape from the table, Geralt sighed and regarded the mage across the table.

"At this rate," he said, "we'll all sneezing our heads off by the end of the week."

Delightful, Yennefer thought, picturing Geralt's massive nose inevitably twitching and running. How he would try so hard to contain it, full of Witcher-sized cold.  Imagining an itchy red nose all her own, stifling her sneezes into Geralt's large chest as he held her.  Or perhaps even a freshly recovered Jaskier, trapped between them for warmth in the night, helpless in the onslaught of their combined illnesses, as desperate sneezes rained down on him until he succumbed to his cold a second time.  Then-

"I think I might be able to help him," she said, with a smile.  "I'll bring up a remedy to him before we retire."



That evening, Yen knocked quietly on his room's door. He opened it, in the candlelight looking like a horrible human mess. His nightshirt hung open at the chest, revealing his curling chest hair over a goose-bumped chest.

“Yen,” he said, startled. “What..what are you d-heh.. doing here?”

“I think I can help you get rid of your awful cold, Jaskier,” she purred, entering the room and closing the door softly.

“Oh? Oh,” he moved back as she came closer, “H-how?”

She placed both hands on his chest, warm, and looked up at him with half lidded eyes.

“You have to give it to me. You have to give it to me, willingly,” she said. “Do you think you can do that?”

“I...I don't know what you...,” he backed up until his knees touched the bed and then he sat heavily. His nose crinkled delightfully, so cherry pink, and he huffed a quick breath in, raising his wadded up handkerchief to his face in preparation. Yen took the handkerchief from him, the fabric damp in her fingers and tucked it carefully in the center of her bodice. He blinked blearily at her in confusion, face still ever slack with the impending. She twined her fingers in his hair and pressed her lips to his, even as his breath shuddered into her mouth.

“Y-yeh-Yen don't, I'm going to...go-heh!...”He pulled away and stifled thickly into his fingers. “H-GNXXT!'

“Oh...you'll have to do better than that,” Yennefer said, kissing him soundly again.







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😳 this is all I have ever wanted. More please? 🤯🙏

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17 hours ago, Gallatea said:

😳 this is all I have ever wanted. More please? 🤯🙏

Oh, no, you're encouraging me! :P  I might have a few more sentences of this in my super secret sneeze document.  I'll see what I can do! 


14 hours ago, Akahana said:


Thank you!!  So glad you like it!  I was worried it might be...too far?  Too gross for folks?  I am just really into colds these days.  😂

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WHA! This is a fic I never expected and never knew I wanted ❤️ Very well written! I love your turn of phrase, and the dialogue is perfectly in character!! Thank you for sharing, and if you choose to continue it, I'd love to read more!

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You made me want to watch the Witcher series... loved this one! Thank you!

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On 1/11/2021 at 7:25 PM, BlackScatter said:

WHA! This is a fic I never expected and never knew I wanted ❤️ Very well written! I love your turn of phrase, and the dialogue is perfectly in character!! Thank you for sharing, and if you choose to continue it, I'd love to read more!

thanks for this super kind comment!  I was super self conscious of how specific and icky this fic might be so I really appreciate you so much!  I did write a little more of this.  Thanks for the encouragement.

On 1/12/2021 at 8:08 PM, MiraKarat said:

You made me want to watch the Witcher series... loved this one! Thank you!

This is a really high compliment so thanks!  :) You should check it out!  It's AWESOME. 



Uh, a part two!  Same warnings apply: contagion (magical cold sharing??), MORE mess.  I tried not to fall into 18+ territory.  I literally can't believe I wrote this.  But here goes. 

*posts and hides*   🙈  



“Yen,” he breathed, pulling away, panting. “I can't...sneeze on you. On purpose! I'm a gentleman, I'll have you...have yeh...k-know...”

No, you're not,” she said with a snort, and ran her hands down his chest. He shivered with desire and no doubt from his mild fever at her light touch. Already his upper lip was curling again, his eye-lashes fluttering. So soon, another sneeze brewing...how this cold provided! Would it render her such a mess as well? Helpless? She came closer, her mouth a hair's breadth from his, so she could feel his hitching breath- heh..h'h...-warm against her kiss swollen bottom lip.

“Blessings,” she whispered and then brushed a kiss over the tip of his wet nose.

The effect was immediate and glorious.

Jaskier gasped, startled, and then- H'EHCHSHOO!- sneezed hot and wet against her chin and neck.

Heh-CSHSHH! That sneeze hit her chest when he ducked his head. Oh, a lovely desperate double. How very nice.

He put his hand over his mouth and blinked at her, owl-eyed in the aftermath, blushing furiously.

“Yedn, I'mb...I'mb...”

She laughed before he could apologize, petting his hair.

“That's just right, you sweet, suffering, little song bird. You share that what you have with me, and I promise you, I'll make you feel...better,” she purred.

“Whad..um...,” he sniffled loudly, removing his hand from his face and wiping it nervously on his trousers, “whad do you wandt me to do?”

“I want you to lay back,” she said, giving him a firm but gentle push. Then she took his cold hands in hers, intertwining them and bringing them back behind his head. She was keenly aware of his ragged breath against her skin as she drew up over him. She conjured a strap and wrapped it around his wrists, tightly knotting it. “And since you can't be trusted not to cover your mouth, my little gentleman, we will just take that out of the equation, won't we?”

He made a little noise and she rained kisses down over his brow, his cheek, the corner of his mouth, avoiding his tender, twitching nose. For now. He kissed her back, fully this time. She swore she almost could feel a gentle tingling begin beneath the bridge of her own nose now, but it was not even an ember yet, the enchantment not yet fulfilled. She needed more to fan the flames.

Leaning back, she smiled down him. She waved her fingers and drew forth from the air a long, silky black feather. Jaskier's face contorted itchily at just the mere sight of it. Impossible and yet...she watched as his nostrils flared wider and wider as the feather dipped toward him, his chest heaving with uneven breaths. She simply put the tip near his nose, hanging in the air above it, gave it a little swirl and watched as his face immediately crumbled, completely overcome without her even having to touch him with it all.

HehCHOO!” He gasped and sneezed again, wetter this time, misting all over her hands. H-CHHSH!...o-oh...

“Very sensitive, aren't we?” she said, as he blearily eyed the feather, “our poor sick Jaskier and his sensitive little nose. All that without even a touch,” she leaned in closer, “Now, imagine...imagine what will happen, dear, if I..just...”


She touched one wet flared nostril with the barest tip of the feather and Jaskier could barely draw a breath in  before he-


The sneezes rushed out of him, uncontrollable, spilling over her in wave after wave of so much misty spray it was as if she was standing too close to the ocean striking a cliff. Oh, there was no escaping it now. She felt it growing inside her sinus, as each relentless sneeze struck her face; the ember was taking flame and catching, catching. Soon, this delicious cold would be all hers and she would be able to give it back to the bard and Geralt in ten-fold. 

“Good boy,” she all but moaned, pulling the feather back, “Blessings.”

He looked beautiful, panting and spent from the fit. Beneath his nose now glistened a path of clear stream and she graciously took the handkerchief from her bosom and dabbed at it before fitting it beneath his nose so he could give a little blow.

“Thank you,” he murmured, no longer as congested or tired sounding as before, and then drew his bound hands down so he could take the moistened cloth. His fingers brushed hers as he took it from her. “Pardon me, Yen, my dear...it appears I've, uh, I've soaked you quite thoroughly. Allow me to take care of that for you.”

With a slow growing grin, he reached up and drew the handkerchief, carefully and slowly across his cheek, like a caress...then over her full mouth, then pressed it gently beneath her nose, in turn.  She could feel the wetness touch her nostrils, cool and full of promised misery. Her long eye-lashes dipped in spite of herself, breath catching unexpectedly in her throat.

“Oh, my darling witch, “ he whispered, “it looks like....”


-Her chest swelled, her lips parted-

-“.. like you may have...-.”

-Her fingers fluttered over his, holding the handkerchief, helpless, helpless-

“-caught my cold, after all, haven't you--”


She erupted, over-come, into the cloth he held. Her breath already drawing in for the next, itch not yet satisfied.

“...Poor dear.”

Ah...II'ishsh! Ah...ahhh.."

He shifted so his knuckle pressed delicately as her septum, keeping her from the cusp of the sneeze, from the inevitable release.  She stilled and sighed against his finger.  

She shivered once, blinking down at the bard who now smiled widely up at her.

“Blessings,” he said, low. Growling with abandon, she bent and met his grinning mouth fiercely in hers.



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NICE FUCK YEAH HELL YEAH I’m glad we’re all out here reading the same yen/jaskier/geralt fanfiction and are on the same page for their dynamic lol.

This is amazing I loved every second of it and really hope you do more (maybe even on the adult board?)

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wow I've never thought of a Jaskier/Yen pairing, but this was delicious.  Do you think we'll get to see Geralt doing some caretaking/cold catching of his own??  I'd love to read more! 

Oh and thank you for writing this, you rock! ❤️

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On 1/13/2021 at 8:13 PM, crazy_cat_girl said:

I was super self conscious of how specific and icky this fic might be so I really appreciate you so much!

Aww, you're such a considerate person!!! ❤️ You've done a fantastic job of being really clear in the warnings, so I don't think you have a single thing to worry about ❤️ And I'm with Akahana on the NICE FUCK YEAH HELL YEAH statement hahaha! Really awesome descriptions here and even more great characterization!! I love how domineering Yen is with Jaskier and how even when the tables turn, she's still the dominant one. The way you write the buildups and the breathy dialogue is SO GOOD, I can hear it in my head. I can't wait for Geralt to show up, if you choose to continue. I love the visual of Geralt walking into this and being like "(turns around) whatever this is I don't want to know" and then getting roped into it anyway LOL.

Super well done!! Thank you for continuing and sharing!

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