In search of a Harley Quinn swh fic that was once posted here

[Raistlin]

Well, technically it was posted on the forum's previous .org domain. The premise was she had inhaled some pepper, then was suddenly forced to hide from batman behind a false wall panel and fight with her nose, which was determined to eject said pepper. If no one can find it, but the original author is still here to give me their approval, I might write up my own take on the scenario. Might do that even if the fic is found, now that I'm thinking about it, but would be cool to see the original again. 

[InLivingColor]

I wrote that, I'm pretty sure

[InLivingColor]

The camera comes into focus on the smiling white face of the bubbly clown villainess as she fiddles with the knobs on the machine. Her smiles takes up half the frame, and that’s just how she likes it.

 

“Can ya hear me okay? Look at me, talking to a camera, ya’d think I was crazy or sumthin’!”

 

She laughs to herself, the bells on the end of her hat jingle with the movements of her head.

 

“Welcome to another episode of Happy Hour with Harley! With Mistah Jay locked away, I needed something to keep myself busy, so last week, I asked what all you Gothamites want to see me do, and I said I’d do anything. I was a little disappointed at the suggestions, there wasn’t any mention of mutilation, murder or dismemberment, my three favorite Ems! Well, memberment starts with an em anyway, so it still works. Anywho, a couple of people suggested I do something called the sneeze challenge, and that sounded just crazy enough to make it on the show. Sounds simple enough, I havta sniff some pepper and see how many times I can sneeze in five minutes. Imma warn you though, I’m not a shy sneezer at all, when I have to sneeze, I really sneeze! So if you’re watching this with headphones, turn them way up if you wanna shatter your eardrums, otherwise, proceed with caution. Or don’t, what do I care?”

 

She laughs again and reaches over, grabbing a box clearly labeled pepper and places it in front of her. Setting the box down releases a small cloud of powder, forcing Harley to already start rubbing her nose, a loud sniffle can be heard shortly thereafter. 

 

“Oh yeah, that’s pepper alright, I can already feel my nose tickling, I might be able to get the high score with this! I’m going to take off my hat and mask for this, I don’t want to get the pepper all stuck in it, and when I start sneezing, I’m sure it’s going to go everywhere!”

 

Harley pulls off the jester hat, her blonde hair done up in pigtails, and removes the black mask used to outline her baby blue eyes. She sets them on the table and lifts the box up, poking her long nose over the opening, sniffing a bit. Immediately her eyelids flutter from the stimulation and her nostrils flare out wildly before she puts the box down again.

 

“Oh yeah, this’ll be eahhh…ahhhh...easy. Almost sneezed there”

 

Her breath hitched for just a moment before she remembered she was missing a crucial piece for this challenge. She’s off screen for less than five seconds before returning with an alarm clock. Despite the white make-up covering her face, her nose is noticeably pink already and she sniffs again while setting the timer on the clock. 

 

“So five minutes has been set, let me just get a good line here and we can get this super ultra mega challenge started!”

 

The clown pours out some pepper, using her gloves to move it into a straight line, eyeing it for a moment before shrugging, leaning down and pressing her index finger against her nose to allow her an easier way to inhale the pepper line. Her head slowly goes down the line, the pepper going straight up her nasal cavities as she sucks it in, sitting up straight and looking like she had just plugged her finger into an electric socket.

 

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, it burns!”

 

She’s waving her hand in front of her face, her nose twitching from side to side. She reaches over and starts the clock, still fanning her face with one hand.

 

“It tickles so much! My nose is...oh my god, I think I’m gunna sneeze.”

 

As she says that, her head slowly tilts backwards, the camera seeing under her nose and getting a good view of her nostrils flaring over and over, her hand is still fanning her features, though what it’s accomplishing is negligible. 

 

“AHHHH….the sneeze is…..ahhhhh….coming out….AAAAAAHHHHHH…”

 

With her head reeled all the way back now, Harley’s ready to let her first sneeze out when a red light starts flashing above her, with Harley looking straight up, the sudden flash of light is enough to temporarily ward off her sneeze, leaving her tortured and annoyed.

 

“Whaaaaah..t’s that?”

 

She yells out, her breath still recovering from the sneeze that was not to be when a man in green appears, a purple question mark adorns his chest, leaving no doubt that Harley has found refuge with the Riddler. 

 

“Alarm, Batman is on the roof, hide! Now!”

 

Riddler flicks open his question mark cane and hits a button, a part of the wall opening up and he scurries inside, Harley quickly grabbing the video camera and rushing in after him, the light on the camera illuminating the secret room they occupied, though it’s more of a closet, not designed to hold more than one person, and has such, Harley’s body is pushed up against his, and since she went in second, it’s her back to him.

 

“I don’t understand, how did he find this place? I was so careful - Harley, is that a camera?”

 

She nods, rubbing her nose hard, trying to fight off the tickle now that she needed to hide.

 

“Shoot, I...I forgot the clock”

 

“Clock for what?”

 

He was intrigued as to why she would need a device to tell time in a situation like this.

 

“Well, I’m streaming this challenge you see and it haaa...haaaas to be five minutes…”

 

“Did you say Streaming?”

 

Harley just nods her head again, still rubbing her nose, feeling the urge to sneeze grow more and more.

 

“You IDIOT! That’s how he found us, why would you stream from this area? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!”

 

“Ehh...Eddie?”

 

“Hush up, Harley, don’t make another sound…”

 

“I haveta sneeze...”

 

She whispered it as quietly as she could as she fought off the tickle in a losing effort, Riddler looking terrified at that news. He had heard Harley sneeze before, everyone in Arkham has heard Harley sneeze before, it was impossible not to hear her.

 

“No, absolutely not! 

 

“I’m try..try...trying”

 

Harley could barely focus on what he was saying though, the tickle had gotten so intense she couldn’t focus on anything but her nose. Her chest was starting to rise and fall as she breathed in and out, her knees were starting to shake with the amount of stress she was putting on herself not to blow their cover, but all the pepper was just desperately trying to force it way out of her nose as quickly as possible. 

 

“AAAAHHHHH…”

 

Harley let out a loud breath, wanting to explain what was happening, but being unable to form any sort of words right now, the tickle was too strong. Riddler moved his arm around the front of the clown, pressing his finger under her nose, putting pressure to try and stave off the sneeze.

 

“Don’t you dare, clown”

 

The finger helped, but Harley knew it wouldn’t last, her nose was figuratively on fire and it was only a matter of seconds before her sneeze had to come out.

 

“I caaaahh...cahhhhn’t help it. Sooo...soorrr…AAAAAHHHHHHHH”

 

She couldn’t even get the last word out before her nose took full control of her, her head leaning all the way back, leaving her to stare up at the ceiling for a few seconds. The pause led them both to believe that she had thwarted the tickle, but just when a sigh of relief escaped his lips, something else escaped hers.

 

“AAAAAEEECHHHHHEEEEWWWWW!!!!”

 

The sneeze was so strong it doubled Harley over completely at the waist, her backside pressing up against him, a loud sniff quickly followed before Harley shot back up, rubbing her nose harder and harder.

 

“Ahhhhnother….AAAAAHHHH….SneeeeeeeAAAAAAAEEEECHHHHEEEWWWWWWWWIIEEE!!!”

 

Once again she was doubled over forcefully from an even louder sneeze, forcing her to drop the camera as she tried to catch the sneeze in her hands, the sound of the clown’s sneeze refusing to be muffled. 

 

“Oh no”

 

Was all she could say before once again her nose flared out in protest and her chest heaved once again, Harley giving up all pretense of trying to hold these back, they were coming out and there was nothing she could do about it.

 

“AAAAHHHHHHH…….AHHHHHHHHHCCCHHEEEEEWWWWW!!! AAAHHHHHCHHHOOOOO!!!  HHIIIIITCHHHOOOOO!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHCHHHHHHHEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!”

 

Harley’s now red nose forced her into a volley of increasingly loud sneezes. As Harley was sent doubled over, her hip knocked the cane out of Riddler’s hand and the wall pulled back, leaving Harley to tumble down to the ground with the force of that last sneeze practically landing at the feet of the very man she was hiding from. She looked up, rubbing her nose, having gotten most of the pepper out now. Cracking his knuckles, threatening Riddler enough to stay perfectly still, the Bat glared down at Harley, looking up at him with an innocent smile on her face, rubbing her nose once again. The Dark Knight reached into his utility belt and produces a tissue, handing it to the clown.

 

“Bless you"