Need some advice

[LoudSneezes97]

So, I've talked about how I have a crush on one of my friends who is just, one of the sweetest girls in the world.  The best part is that, I think she has some really good sneezes in her, she just doesn't want to let them out and ends up stifling them.  A while ago, I was going to tell her that I liked her, but I chickened out and ended up telling her that I have a sneezing fetish.  I kind of thought that was going to end our friendship, because I'm not sure how someone would react to that.  I was worried for nothing because she was like, "Okay, that's interesting.  Little weird, but interesting."  This is kind of new territory for me so I want some advice from you guys/gals.  I'm planning on asking her out, but she's still not completely comfortable going out in public for 2 reasons.  1: the pandemic obviously 2: she has allergies from the spring months all the way through the fall months and she doesn't want people to think she has Covid.  She says her allergies are bad at times, but I haven't seen any proof of that.  We were talking the other day and she got sent home from work early because her allergies got so bad (she works at her church's daycare). I don't doubt she has bad allergies at times I just haven't seen a full blown sneeze fit from her, if she even gets sneeze fits that is.  Anyway, I want to invite her over to my apartment where we can just watch a movie and I can order pizza, but I want to get an activity where one or both of us sneeze, and hopefully smile, laugh and have fun with it.  Do you think that sneeze activity I'd like to do is a good idea, or something I should save for a later date.  Let me know what you guys think.  I asked her if she'd be open to exploring a sneezing fetish, she didn't say yes but she didn't say no either.

[SleepingPhlox]

If it were me personally, and I knew someone had a fetish and they asked me to do stuff with them that involved their fetish...I'd be kinda freaked out.  If I read this correctly you guys aren't dating, you are friends but you have a crush on her?  If I was in her shoes that would make me feel weird.  Like really weird.  It's the sort of thing that should be brought up once a few dates are out of the way.  Like dates where you both agree that you're pursuing each other romantically, y'know?  It just feels like "Hey, know how I like sneezing?  Lets sneeze together!" wouldn't be entirely appropriate in a friendship situation, especially where feelings that may or may not be reciprocated are involved.

Like this is just what I would think in that situation, obviously everyone is different and feels differently about stuff.

Also, when people don't yes but they don't say no either, it could be a sign that they feel uncomfortable with the question or are worried how their answer might be taken.  Again, I'm not her so I don't know what she would think, just my perspective on the situation.

 

[bloom]

table it until (if/when) you have an established sexual relationship with her.

Edited May 2, 2021 by jejune

[oOMariusOo]

I agree with SleepingPhlox, the situation you invite her into could make her very uncomfortable. It sounds a bit like luring a friend into your spider web (French expression) so you can enjoy her sneezes. Even if she accepts your invitation, she will especially expect to see a movie with you, to have a good time with two, with friends. If you offer her a fetish activity, even if you turn it into a game, she won't expect that and might find your first date together weird. Also, it won't be right with her, because even if you sneeze together, she might be amused, but you will be excited. In a way, you will try to manipulate her into getting her sneezing, it might create excitement in you and unease for her. 

Talking about fetishism is rather intimate. Personally, I hardly ever talk about it with my friends and even less with people with whom I am not used to seeing regularly. If you really have a crush on her, you have to take her desires and well being into consideration. Try to spend a little more time with her, don't focus on your own desires and get to know her more. The basis in a relationship is being able to feel comfortable with the other person, and approaching intimacy too quickly can hurt or even disgust the other person.

So my advice, don't go too fast, think of her first and let it happen. You shouldn't focus too much on her sneezing, such an attitude might scare her away. Maybe she gave you the impression of not rejecting your fetishism, but she also maybe had some apprehension. You can't really know. Patience. 

[Travel]

I agree with just about everyone else on here: Table it until you’re both in a sexual relationship. Enjoy that she didn’t walk out on you because of the fetish and wants to hang out. 

Right now, she knows you have a fetish so if you jump straight into fetishy stuff she might think that you are only interested in her because of that. It’s the same as when a guy hangs out with a girl just because he wants to sleep with her. Or when a girl is on a date and suddenly the guy wants them to have sex.

It sounds to me like you want something more serious in addition to the fetishy stuff, so wait. Enjoy your time with her and have fun.  Things don’t have to be sexual or romantic immediately either. Of course, don’t freeze up. Show your interest by offering new dates or fun stuff, or just by texting things that can be fun for you both. 

[March Hare]

Adding to the chorus of excellent advice above: keep everything fetish-related strictly to yourself in any interaction with her, unless/until you've established a relationship with her that involves sex. That includes talking about it.

Yes, she's your friend, she knows about it, why can't you talk about it with your friend who knows? Because you want to date her. You have an agenda, and as soon as she finds out you want to date her (and she will, because you'll tell her at some point) she'll see the entire thing in THAT light and so the less you talk about it now, the better it will work out IF you two start dating. Trust me. I've been there.

I think you had best not wait too long to declare your intentions (do I sound like a grandma yet?) and actually ask her out on an actual date. No hedging, no ambiguity. "Hey, [name], I was thinking - we've been having fun together, and I'm starting to really like you. Would you like to go on a date with me? A date-date? Take your time thinking about it, I understand this may be sudden." Something along those lines. Make it explicit that you want to date her, without pressuring her for an immediate reply. Keep it comfortable for both of you. That means: make sure she understands that she can take it or leave it and you won't act out on it, if that makes sense. If she likes you that way, she'll say yes. If not, and you're cool about it, you can be friends after you've taken some time to recover from your crush.

Good luck! You've got this!