Does it ruin the fetish if people know about it?

[Mal]

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years now and he has known about my fetish for almost all of our relationship (and is very accepting of it), but I honestly find that him knowing has made me slightly less turned on by his sneezes.

Lately I've been really debating how many people I want to disclose the fetish to (at the moment my boyfriend and best friend are the only people that know) because I spent so many years of my childhood and adolescence feeling so much shame about it and now as an adult I think its really cool and want to celebrate it, but I'm realizing a lot of it's power for me might come from it being a secret. 

Does anyone else have thoughts/ feelings about this? Do you feel like you get less of a kick out of it when people know? Or does it enhance it for you to have people know? 

[bloom]

i strongly prefer for my partners to know. there are specific aspects of the fetish i don't disclose because i prefer for them to be organic things that happen naturally, but anyone i have a sexually intimate relationship with knows the broad strokes. 

i have had a lot of issues with being repressed in my sexuality for my entire life, related to the fetish or other aspects of my sexuality, so being upfront about this very important bit is vital for me to have a healthy sexual relationship. i don't require a partner indulge me, but i would definitely break things off with someone who reacted negatively or whatever. 

[prismaticpollen]

I don’t honestly have enough experience to know. However, my platonic partner knows about the fetish, which has made it even more aggravating when she complains about her grass allergy since I’ve never heard her sneeze. We are both asexual though, and she’s more extreme about it, so I don’t exactly expect it to lead to anything even if she wanted to indulge me.

[PennyLane]

I've actually thought about this a lot recently. I'm a pretty open person, so a good bit of my friends know about the fetish. It's a lot of fun to explain it to them, and they have fun asking questions. Honestly it's almost like a proof of trust when I tell someone.

But yes, I agree that an aspect of the fetish is lost when people know. Now whenever someone in my friend group sneezes, we have a joke of, "oh boy, Pennylane is in heat". It's really fun, but I miss being able to be secretly turned on in those situations.

[Sawyer]

There's an enhancement for me, for sure. Like most of us, I spent the first part of my life confused and repressed about all of my sexual feelings and I assumed they'd be 100% personal-private forever. As an adult, having an honest relationship with a partner is important to me, and I don't want to feel shame or guilt about the way my body reacts when they do set off my fetish spark! I don't have to worry about whether I'm acting strange when it happens, or whether they'd be upset if they knew.

A bonus is that it comes with the possibility of indulgence, if your partner is open to it. 

[Poppy]

My personal opinion on it is if they need to know; they will. If we are getting busy together + it’s anything serious - then they 100% need to know from my point of view. I can totally see your point though. 

[Chanel_no5]

For me personally, yes, it would kinda ruin things a bit for me. But, I'm not in a relationship and I'm not looking for one either, so it's kind of a non-issue for me in real life. 🤷‍♀️ 

I've told some friends in the past and it was really uncomfortable afterwards, for both parts, so I don't plan on doing that again. I have friends in the community if I want to talk fetish stuff, that's enough for me.  

[fujita5]

I have told 4 partners about it. All have accepted it. 3 have indulged me, 2 of which have gone out of their way to help me explore *every* aspect of my fetish.

So for me, absolutely not. It most definitely hasn't ruined the fetish for me. 😀

[CheekyGuy]

It’s weird - my wife and I have lots of other fetish interests - bondage, discipline, etc - but this is one I don’t discuss with her. Somehow it just doesn’t seem something about which we’d connect, and might make her very self-conscious in a non-positive way. I mentioned something about it in passing over 10 years ago, but it’s never come up again. 

[Oolia]

I definitely regret telling all aspects of mine to my husband because it does feel less natural, which makes it less appealing. At some point, I had to have a talk with him not to make a big deal every time he sneezed because it really killed it for me. Like every time he would have a fit, he'd look at me like "omg you must be ready to jump me" or give me a "sexy" look and it would add an element of pressure that made me feel like he'd want to do it every time he sneezed 😂 It was just too much, and it contributed to me not being as turned on by his sneezes as I used to, sadly.

Same for care-taking. I love to be taken care of, and he wasn't super good at it, so I explained to him all the ins and outs of that part of the fetish, but now every time he does something care-takey when I'm sick, it feels like he's doing it only because I told him I like it, almost like a game or a list to check off, so it doesn't really work. That's probably the part I regret telling him the most 😫

I think if I were to get a do-over, I would tell him, but keep it vague and not make a big deal out of it/explain every little aspects of it.

[EveP]

11 minutes ago, Oolia said:

I definitely regret telling all aspects of mine to my husband because it does feel less natural, which makes it less appealing. At some point, I had to have a talk with him not to make a big deal every time he sneezed because it really killed it for me. Like every time he would have a fit, he'd look at me like "omg you must be ready to jump me" or give me a "sexy" look and it would add an element of pressure that made me feel like he'd want to do it every time he sneezed 😂 It was just too much, and it contributed to me not being as turned on by his sneezes as I used to, sadly.

Same for care-taking. I love to be taken care of, and he wasn't super good at it, so I explained to him all the ins and outs of that part of the fetish, but now every time he does something care-takey when I'm sick, it feels like he's doing it only because I told him I like it, almost like a game or a list to check off, so it doesn't really work. That's probably the part I regret telling him the most 😫

I think if I were to get a do-over, I would tell him, but keep it vague and not make a big deal out of it/explain every little aspects of it.

I haven't told my husband for exactly that reason. I just want it to be natural and if he knew I don't think it would be.

[Fairy36]

I have recently thought about this, too. Having no one know that you have the fetish is like having a little secret and it is intriguing. Having it be a secret can increase the appeal and the excitement of it. Though for me...I have never been in a relationship and I would like my partner to know about the fetish once I trust him enough. It's just that I have been keeping it a secret for so long and I would like to have at least one person know about it, especially the one person who I could trust. 

 

[Mal]

On 9/3/2021 at 1:22 PM, Oolia said:

I definitely regret telling all aspects of mine to my husband because it does feel less natural, which makes it less appealing. At some point, I had to have a talk with him not to make a big deal every time he sneezed because it really killed it for me. Like every time he would have a fit, he'd look at me like "omg you must be ready to jump me" or give me a "sexy" look and it would add an element of pressure that made me feel like he'd want to do it every time he sneezed 😂 It was just too much, and it contributed to me not being as turned on by his sneezes as I used to, sadly.

Same for care-taking. I love to be taken care of, and he wasn't super good at it, so I explained to him all the ins and outs of that part of the fetish, but now every time he does something care-takey when I'm sick, it feels like he's doing it only because I told him I like it, almost like a game or a list to check off, so it doesn't really work. That's probably the part I regret telling him the most 😫

I think if I were to get a do-over, I would tell him, but keep it vague and not make a big deal out of it/explain every little aspects of it.

Yes! I think this is exactly it. As wonderful as it is to have a partner know this thing that's obviously a huge part of my sexuality/ sexual world, I think a huge part of the fetish for me is that it's "organic". In other words, I love the loss of control that comes with sneezing and I love when that loss of control plays out in the most natural way. Since my partner knows, it feels way less natural when he sneezes and there totally is always a look from him thats like "pretty good, hey?" when I just kind of want to enjoy it in my own little world. At this point, I sometimes get more pleasure from ignoring his sneezes than I even do from engaging with them because it feels like I can take some of the power back hahah.

[HowFitting]

 
I really like the natural aspect to sneezing (allergy/cold). I don’t like inducing. It feels more authentic and special to me when I am sure the person isent sneezing for me, if that makes sense. Therefore a partner knowing ruins it for me as the potential for the partner to draw attention to their sneezes or develop a sneeze block, when they otherwise wouldn’t is much higher.. 
It can become really awkward in some situations when your partner sneezes and thinks your instantly aroused too. Or the relationship ends and you become the ex with the super weird kink story to your mutual friends...

[Sneezy Lola]

my partner knows and I kinda got him into it, too 😁 so I'd say no. if u have someone who'd be open to do it to you or with u I'd take the chance. 

[Pikachu achoo-se you]

Definitely. My bf has known about it since the day we met, but because he knows he psyches himself out every time he feels a sneeze coming. To this day I have not yet seen him sneeze in-person, and only twice through voice chat. Even when he's sick he manages to get too excited and lose a sneeze, as long as I'm around. I can't tell if this is better or worse than having a partner smirk at you every time they sneeze lol