BF dumped me because of my sneeze (self obs F)

[SnowGirl]

Just joined the Forum and something happened today that I thought if anyone would sympathize with, it would be those of you here. This is a self obs and what followed with Ken, my now (I guess) former boyfriend. I don’t sneeze that often, maybe twice a week or so, but when I do sneeze I sneeze in fits; I can’t to save my life sneeze just ‘one and done’.  When I have a sneezing fit I average 3 to 5 sneezes back to back. I never sneeze less than three times and the most I have ever sneezed was 8 times in a row when a high dive went wrong and I got a huge amount of water up my nose and sinuses. Anyway, I have been with Ken for 9 months and he has seen me sneeze during that time. Today he asked me to lunch and we were sat in a beautiful outdoor patio area.  I don’t really have allergies but the wind picked up and started blowing dust and pollen around, and all of a sudden I felt a sneeze fit coming on. When it happens I never get much warning, it comes on really fast. We had just ordered our drinks and the waitress had walked off to get them and I sneezed 4 times back to back, to the side and into my napkin. My sneezes are fairly quiet, slightly similar to a cough and dry, usually a mix of the one syllable cough sound sneeze and two syllable sneezes of same sound preceded by “ha”. When I finished the last sneeze and looked up at Ken, he was just glaring at me, kind of with this look of distain on his face. No bless you or anything. 

I asked him what was wrong and he said  « YOU!  I absolutely HATE how you sneeze! ».

I was stunned and said « What?  What are you talking about?  It’s not like I sneezed all over your food or got snot anywhere ».

He said « I hate how you sneeze over and over and that you don’t sneeze just once and be done. I know you don't sneeze that often, but when you do it’s these stupid little sneezes in a row that are just so annoying.  I’m sick of it! »

I started to tell him that I can’t really help how I sneeze, when the wind blew again and my nose tickled again and I sneezed again, this time 3 times back to back  

He stood up, threw his napkin down on the table and said « That’s it, I’m done  I don’t want to see you again.  Maybe if you go to the doctor and get something done to yourself to fix your nose so you sneeze only once, like normal people, but until then I’m done with you “  And he walked off and left me sitting at the table.  
 
I finally got myself together enough to tell the waitress we could not stay, and just wanted to get out of there.   Going back to my car I was trying to blink back tears but my nose was starting to run from being upset and I sneezed a final fit of the day of 5 sneezes, and no more since.  And now I’m so self conscious about how I sneeze and I don’t want to sneeze in front of anyone ever again should I put off anyone else by how I sneeze.  Ken never mentioned anything good or bad about how I sneeze before, so I’m still so stunned that after 9 months he dumped me because of it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[MoonDuck]

Honestly it sounds like he was just looking for an excuse to dump you? Or there were lots of other small things that irritated him that he never brought up? Regardless of the reason, his behavior was incredibly immature. Nobody deserves to be treated the way he treated you. I'm sorry you have to experience this. 

If there's any place to gain confidence in your sneezes, I guess this is it? There will be people (like me!) who find your sneeze adorable.  

[Bless you, Hi]

Your ex is a loser. No good man would dump a girl he was interested in over a sneeze unless he wanted to do it already. I'm sorry this happened to you. Even tho this is a sneeze fetish site, there's a certain point where if you really like someone, you'll overlook petty criticisms like any normal people would. I don't believe your sneeze habit was really the reason, and if he's immature enough to scapegoat that as an excuse for a breakup, it would have never worked. You dodged a bullet in the long run. Bless you and stay optimistic!

[EveP]

I agree with MoonBop, it seems this guy was looking for a reason to dump you. Of course there's nothing wrong with your sneezes, they actually sound adorable, the fault is with him. A man who really loves you will love your sneezes as well - he might not be attracted to them (if he's not one of us), but he'll love them because they're a part of you. Ken does not deserve you!

[SneezeAbbie]

Sounds like he had some issues that weren’t brought up and used your sneezing as a scapegoat. Nonetheless I’m sure in the long run you’ve dodged a bullet there. Please try and not let this make you insecure, we will all support you ❤️

[sneezeguy468]

This guy definitely has a weird history where like maybe he was bullied by someone who sneezed multiples or something weird like that. Sorry he was such a insecure douche. What a weird hang up too. 

[SnowGirl]

14 hours ago, SnowGirl said:

Just joined the Forum and something happened today that I thought if anyone would sympathize with, it would be those of you here. This is a self obs and what followed with Ken, my now (I guess) former boyfriend. I don’t sneeze that often, maybe twice a week or so, but when I do sneeze I sneeze in fits; I can’t to save my life sneeze just ‘one and done’.  When I have a sneezing fit I average 3 to 5 sneezes back to back. I never sneeze less than three times and the most I have ever sneezed was 8 times in a row when a high dive went wrong and I got a huge amount of water up my nose and sinuses. Anyway, I have been with Ken for 9 months and he has seen me sneeze during that time. Today he asked me to lunch and we were sat in a beautiful outdoor patio area.  I don’t really have allergies but the wind picked up and started blowing dust and pollen around, and all of a sudden I felt a sneeze fit coming on. When it happens I never get much warning, it comes on really fast. We had just ordered our drinks and the waitress had walked off to get them and I sneezed 4 times back to back, to the side and into my napkin. My sneezes are fairly quiet, slightly similar to a cough and dry, usually a mix of the one syllable cough sound sneeze and two syllable sneezes of same sound preceded by “ha”. When I finished the last sneeze and looked up at Ken, he was just glaring at me, kind of with this look of distain on his face. No bless you or anything. 

I asked him what was wrong and he said  « YOU!  I absolutely HATE how you sneeze! ».

I was stunned and said « What?  What are you talking about?  It’s not like I sneezed all over your food or got snot anywhere ».

He said « I hate how you sneeze over and over and that you don’t sneeze just once and be done. I know you don't sneeze that often, but when you do it’s these stupid little sneezes in a row that are just so annoying.  I’m sick of it! »

I started to tell him that I can’t really help how I sneeze, when the wind blew again and my nose tickled again and I sneezed again, this time 3 times back to back  

He stood up, threw his napkin down on the table and said « That’s it, I’m done  I don’t want to see you again.  Maybe if you go to the doctor and get something done to yourself to fix your nose so you sneeze only once, like normal people, but until then I’m done with you “  And he walked off and left me sitting at the table.  
 
I finally got myself together enough to tell the waitress we could not stay, and just wanted to get out of there.   Going back to my car I was trying to blink back tears but my nose was starting to run from being upset and I sneezed a final fit of the day of 5 sneezes, and no more since.  And now I’m so self conscious about how I sneeze and I don’t want to sneeze in front of anyone ever again should I put off anyone else by how I sneeze.  Ken never mentioned anything good or bad about how I sneeze before, so I’m still so stunned that after 9 months he dumped me because of it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks all. I really appreciate all of your kind and wise words!

[bloom]

15 hours ago, SnowGirl said:

I asked him what was wrong and he said  « YOU!  I absolutely HATE how you sneeze! ».

 

didn't know real people talked like anime villains in real life

[Mr Sneezy]

What an absolute pig! You're better off without him.

[NickG1998]

What an absolute bastard you’re definitely better with someone who would understand you and cherish you I’m so sorry that you went through this I had the same problem with my ex girlfriend a couple of years ago so I completely 

[Agaba]

Oh, girl, I'm really sorry. This dumpster of a man doesn't deserve you, and to me it sounds like an excuse to leave you, as @MoonBop said. If he gets mad for something you cannot help... You're better without him. Wish you the best, love ❤️

[snzplz]

You dodged a bullet, he sounds so so mean. You deserve a partner that loves every single part of you. Sending you lots of love

[honkmaster]

I'm sorry to hear that, that's awful. Your ex sounds like an awful human being and better that you found that out now instead of after you're married to him.

[Sneeze999]

That does sound like someone who had other issues going on, but that was no excuse for how he treated you. There is a right and a wrong way to go about dumping someone and he definitely went down the wrong way! You seem like a lovely person and I hope you bounce back from this and find yourself with someone infinitely better! Someone who will appreciate your, im sure, very cute sneezes!

Edited September 23, 2021 by Sneeze999

[NotWho]

Imma have to agree with everyone here, it seemed he used your sneezing as a scapegoat. You definitely deserve so much better than him and I’m sorry you had to go through that. Please don’t be conscious of the way you sneeze, it’s not fair for you to hold that against yourself because of his actions and the way he broke up with you.

[Celeb Obsessed]

When I first read this post, it sounded so crazy, that I had to go back to the forum later and reread it. Because that's one completely insane scenario, and I'm sorry you had such a moron for a boyfriend. I can understand being annoyed with someone who purposely makes their sneezes loud and obnoxious (although that's also a ridiculous reason for dumping someone), but using such an accusatory tone with you just because he doesn't care for your sneezes? Certifiably insane. Even if he had gotten to a point where he was no longer attracted to you and found every little thing about you annoying, a decent person would kindly tell you that his feelings have changed and that he wants to see other people. Not jump on you because of the way you sneeze. 😡

I'm sure you were embarrassed as hell; I definitely would have been. Just out of curiosity, how has he reacted to your sneezes in the past? 

[doglover111]

He sounds like a real asshole. You can’t control how you sneeze, nor should you have to change it. You will find someone else who appreciates you, who knows, maybe you’ll find someone who has the kink and then it definitely won’t be a problem.

[dominchoo]

We might all be sneeze fetishists here, but here’s some truth - you cannot control how you sneeze. any doctor you go to will tell you that. this guy is just an asshole who doesn’t know what he’s missing out on. my sincerest apologies that he didn’t have the balls to breakup with you in a better way, and instead took out his own insecurities on you. 💓

[JustReading]

Okay, so yes, we're all pro-sneeze here but that's embarrassing for him-even germaphobes would agree. Really? Dumping a girl for having sneezing fits? Hopefully you find someone reasonable. Sure most people don't wax poetic about fits but most aren't like that guy.

[crypticsweetheart]

This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Hate that you had to go through a breakup in such an insensitive way. Sending love your way!!

[CantDoThisAnymore]

Sorry you had to go through this situation seems like addition by subtraction. Losing him now hurts, but you will be much better off in the long run. Hang in there in the meantime, you clearly have lots of support here!

[vanessa_vee]

On 9/18/2021 at 2:10 AM, SnowGirl said:

Just joined the Forum and something happened today that I thought if anyone would sympathize with, it would be those of you here. This is a self obs and what followed with Ken, my now (I guess) former boyfriend. I don’t sneeze that often, maybe twice a week or so, but when I do sneeze I sneeze in fits; I can’t to save my life sneeze just ‘one and done’.  When I have a sneezing fit I average 3 to 5 sneezes back to back. I never sneeze less than three times and the most I have ever sneezed was 8 times in a row when a high dive went wrong and I got a huge amount of water up my nose and sinuses. Anyway, I have been with Ken for 9 months and he has seen me sneeze during that time. Today he asked me to lunch and we were sat in a beautiful outdoor patio area.  I don’t really have allergies but the wind picked up and started blowing dust and pollen around, and all of a sudden I felt a sneeze fit coming on. When it happens I never get much warning, it comes on really fast. We had just ordered our drinks and the waitress had walked off to get them and I sneezed 4 times back to back, to the side and into my napkin. My sneezes are fairly quiet, slightly similar to a cough and dry, usually a mix of the one syllable cough sound sneeze and two syllable sneezes of same sound preceded by “ha”. When I finished the last sneeze and looked up at Ken, he was just glaring at me, kind of with this look of distain on his face. No bless you or anything. 

I asked him what was wrong and he said  « YOU!  I absolutely HATE how you sneeze! ».

I was stunned and said « What?  What are you talking about?  It’s not like I sneezed all over your food or got snot anywhere ».

He said « I hate how you sneeze over and over and that you don’t sneeze just once and be done. I know you don't sneeze that often, but when you do it’s these stupid little sneezes in a row that are just so annoying.  I’m sick of it! »

I started to tell him that I can’t really help how I sneeze, when the wind blew again and my nose tickled again and I sneezed again, this time 3 times back to back  

He stood up, threw his napkin down on the table and said « That’s it, I’m done  I don’t want to see you again.  Maybe if you go to the doctor and get something done to yourself to fix your nose so you sneeze only once, like normal people, but until then I’m done with you “  And he walked off and left me sitting at the table.  
 
I finally got myself together enough to tell the waitress we could not stay, and just wanted to get out of there.   Going back to my car I was trying to blink back tears but my nose was starting to run from being upset and I sneezed a final fit of the day of 5 sneezes, and no more since.  And now I’m so self conscious about how I sneeze and I don’t want to sneeze in front of anyone ever again should I put off anyone else by how I sneeze.  Ken never mentioned anything good or bad about how I sneeze before, so I’m still so stunned that after 9 months he dumped me because of it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Personally.. I’m not a fan of the cough sneeze. He definitely did not that leave you bc of it. Or he may have , who knows. But chances are it wasnt that. Truly When I’m interested in someone.. I definitely have to hear them sneeze first. Idk if that’s just me. If it’s something Im not necessarily fond of.. being that I do have a sneeze fetish it plays a part into who I I date. If he or she has an unattractive sneeze to me it makes me think think twice about pursuing them. 

[solitaire-au]

On 9/18/2021 at 3:10 PM, SnowGirl said:

[snip]

I asked him what was wrong and he said  « YOU!  I absolutely HATE how you sneeze! ».

I was stunned and said « What?  What are you talking about?  It’s not like I sneezed all over your food or got snot anywhere ».

He said « I hate how you sneeze over and over and that you don’t sneeze just once and be done. I know you don't sneeze that often, but when you do it’s these stupid little sneezes in a row that are just so annoying.  I’m sick of it! »

I started to tell him that I can’t really help how I sneeze, when the wind blew again and my nose tickled again and I sneezed again, this time 3 times back to back  

He stood up, threw his napkin down on the table and said « That’s it, I’m done  I don’t want to see you again.  Maybe if you go to the doctor and get something done to yourself to fix your nose so you sneeze only once, like normal people, but until then I’m done with you “  And he walked off and left me sitting at the table.  
 
I finally got myself together enough to tell the waitress we could not stay, and just wanted to get out of there.   Going back to my car I was trying to blink back tears but my nose was starting to run from being upset and I sneezed a final fit of the day of 5 sneezes, and no more since.  And now I’m so self conscious about how I sneeze and I don’t want to sneeze in front of anyone ever again should I put off anyone else by how I sneeze.  Ken never mentioned anything good or bad about how I sneeze before, so I’m still so stunned that after 9 months he dumped me because of it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

@SnowGirl I know this was almost two years ago, but I’m so sorry this happened to you. You didn’t deserve it and his behaviour was wrong and unacceptable.

I think I know what happened. There is a neurological disorder called misophonia where people experience panic, fear, irritation, anger or rage, in response to certain sounds. Usually its repetitive sounds like chewing, water dripping, pencil tapping etc, but some people have misophonia over sounds like coughing or sneezing.

It’s actually a common disorder, but it’s poorly understood and many people, including doctors, have never heard of it. Also, many who do have it can’t articulate what’s happening, so they just live in fear, anger or shame until they reach their limit then explode or flee:

https://www.webmd.com/brain/ss/slideshow-misophonia-overview

In any case, it’s beholden on people who have it, to let their SOs know, and to get treatment. It’s one thing to ask your SO to chew more quietly, but it’s completely unreasonable to expect someone not to sneeze more than once in a row!

It is actually possible to change the way we sneeze, but only to some degree. There are a lot of variables that influence the way we sneeze, and some like our voice or vocal cords, can’t easily be changed. And things like our personality, sex, or upbringing can’t be changed at all. It’s other variables like how deep a breath we take, or whether we sneeze with our mouth open or closed, covered or uncovered etc. that are the only ones we can influence.

That said, his demand that you go to a doctor or not sneeze more than once was unreasonable and ridiculous. And the way he spoke to you was cruel and unacceptable.

I had a quick look at some of the posts people made in the reddit group about misophonia and sneezing, and hatred sure seems to be a common feature amongst them! Many of them were extremely intolerant and hella angry; only a few people recognised that sneezing is uncontrollable and a natural bodily reflex and it’s up to THEM to get help.

I’m so sorry he treated you this way. You’re better off without him and I hope you’ve been able to move on and be opening to finding someone else.

Please try not to be self conscious about sneezing in public. It’s natural and it’s a part of you that you shouldn’t be ashamed of. Please don’t let your bad experience with your ex control your life. He was so not worth it.

[Céline]

Dumoing someone for sneezing multiple times isnt that a reason to marry someone

 

[sneezeguy468]

1 minute ago, Céline said:

Dumoing someone for sneezing multiple times isnt that a reason to marry someone

 

Lol yes 🙌