Does anyone's therapist know about the fetish?

[Mal]

For years I have really wanted to talk to a therapist about the fetish and how it connects psychologically to my relationship with control and stuff, but I've always been too chicken to divulge! Curious if anyone else talks about the fetish with a therapist (if you feel comfortable sharing)?

[CantDoThisAnymore]

My therapist is the only person I talk to about the fetish. I have found it to be helpful, and it’s nice to have the client/patient secrecy.

[bloom]

my longest-term therapist knew; i told her during our first session, even though i hadn't intended to. i disclosed because of my involvement in the community, though, not because of any desire to tackle the fetish itself in therapy, so i don't know how helpful this actually is! we talked about it a little bit and she was always fine with it.

she told me there were clients she'd had in the past she had to start wearing closed-toe shoes around because they kept being weird and inappropriate and horny about her toes, so this rated very low on the creep meter, if that's something you are concerned with.

[Melody]

I had a therapist for a very long time but just couldn’t bring myself to tell her though I reallly wanted to. A large part of me is sadly still ashamed by this fetish deep deep down so I’m sure actually telling her and divulging into my issues would’ve actually been very helpful for me. Maybe one day I’d consider telling another therapist that I have a kink and just not divulge what it is exactly. Could easily go that route. 

[RB]

I told a therapist once and regretted it. I was there for a totally separate and unrelated issue and I expressed no distress about it, but her instinct was to offer me a “cure”. I found a new therapist and never mentioned it to the new one. 

[bloom]

26 minutes ago, RB said:

but her instinct was to offer me a “cure”.

obsessed with this. did she say what the "cure" was or was she just like, "yep i can fix that" and then didn't elaborate? got her degree out of a bubblegum machine 

[RB]

1 hour ago, bloom said:

obsessed with this. did she say what the "cure" was or was she just like, "yep i can fix that" and then didn't elaborate? got her degree out of a bubblegum machine 

Aversion therapy. Associate negative stimuli to sneezing. I didn’t ask what the stimuli would be, but I suspected shocks. It’s not why I sought out therapy. I guess what I wanted to deal with was too boring. 

[Mal]

On 1/20/2022 at 9:18 PM, bloom said:

my longest-term therapist knew; i told her during our first session, even though i hadn't intended to. i disclosed because of my involvement in the community, though, not because of any desire to tackle the fetish itself in therapy, so i don't know how helpful this actually is! we talked about it a little bit and she was always fine with it.

she told me there were clients she'd had in the past she had to start wearing closed-toe shoes around because they kept being weird and inappropriate and horny about her toes, so this rated very low on the creep meter, if that's something you are concerned with.

Yeah, my therapist has sneezed multiple times in sessions and it definitely makes me nervous that if I told her she'd sneeze later on and it would be uncomfortable for both of us! But true, I'm sure there are other fetishes that could feel more invasive / it definitely would be made worse by someone acting inappropriate with fetishy stimulus in a therapy setting!! 

[Mal]

22 hours ago, RB said:

Aversion therapy. Associate negative stimuli to sneezing. I didn’t ask what the stimuli would be, but I suspected shocks. It’s not why I sought out therapy. I guess what I wanted to deal with was too boring. 

Oh god that's awful, I'm sorry!! 

[RB]

10 hours ago, Mal said:

Oh god that's awful, I'm sorry!! 

Now that I think about it, it’s been 20 years (geez, I’m old). I think I recovered. Maybe things are different now. 

[Mal]

5 hours ago, RB said:

Now that I think about it, it’s been 20 years (geez, I’m old). I think I recovered. Maybe things are different now. 

I really hope so... I also always try to see therapists who are sex positive/ kink allied and I think more and more therapists identify as such these days! (Or at least they should)

[Lexie13]

This whole thread is an interesting thought exercise for me because—although I’ve never told any of my past therapists about the fetish (never felt relevant)—I am a therapist myself. This may be because I’m a member of a fetish community myself, but I’m pretty sure that a client telling me about a fetish wouldn’t make me uncomfortable.

If a client shared something like that with me and it’s a fetish that could be triggered in session (like sneezing), I’d probably use what we call a “process comment.” I’d say something like, “How does it feel to have shared that information with me?” And that would give them an opportunity to hopefully share if they’re nervous; if so, I’d respond, “What about that makes you nervous?” Ultimately if they admit discomfort, I’d try to lead the conversation to a point where I could ask, “Are you worried I will be uncomfortable if I sneeze [or whatever the fetish is] in session now that I know this?” If they say say yes, I’d basically use that opportunity to assure them I won’t be uncomfortable and then ask how they’d like to handle it in future sessions if something like that happened (i.e., ignore it or process it again).  

TL;DR: Due to our training (and the kind of people drawn to therapy), myself and all my therapist friends have very few topics that make us uncomfortable. (Disclaimer—any topic WILL make a therapist uncomfortable if it comes with inappropriate or boundary-pushing behavior, but that goes without saying and isn’t the issue here.)

Also, @RB my phone is being weird and won’t let me quote you, but I’m glad you got a new therapist after the first one offered you a cure. Considering you expressed no distress about it and it isn’t at all a harmful fetish, no good/experienced therapist would have suggested something like that. 

[Mal]

3 hours ago, Lexie13 said:

If a client shared something like that with me and it’s a fetish that could be triggered in session (like sneezing), I’d probably use what we call a “process comment.” I’d say something like, “How does it feel to have shared that information with me?” And that would give them an opportunity to hopefully share if they’re nervous; if so, I’d respond, “What about that makes you nervous?” Ultimately if they admit discomfort, I’d try to lead the conversation to a point where I could ask, “Are you worried I will be uncomfortable if I sneeze [or whatever the fetish is] in session now that I know this?” If they say say yes, I’d basically use that opportunity to assure them I won’t be uncomfortable and then ask how they’d like to handle it in future sessions if something like that happened (i.e., ignore it or process it again).  

 

This is sooo helpful to read, thank you!! And it sounds like you are a great therapist:) 

[Lexie13]

7 hours ago, Mal said:

This is sooo helpful to read, thank you!!

I’m so glad to hear that! I’ve been in and out of therapy myself my whole life, so I get how a therapist’s thought processes can seem very mysterious. Now that I’m a therapist, I like to demystify it whenever possible!  Let me know if you have any questions about the “other side” of therapy!

[Melody]

11 hours ago, Lexie13 said:

This whole thread is an interesting thought exercise for me because—although I’ve never told any of my past therapists about the fetish (never felt relevant)—I am a therapist myself. This may be because I’m a member of a fetish community myself, but I’m pretty sure that a client telling me about a fetish wouldn’t make me uncomfortable.

If a client shared something like that with me and it’s a fetish that could be triggered in session (like sneezing), I’d probably use what we call a “process comment.” I’d say something like, “How does it feel to have shared that information with me?” And that would give them an opportunity to hopefully share if they’re nervous; if so, I’d respond, “What about that makes you nervous?” Ultimately if they admit discomfort, I’d try to lead the conversation to a point where I could ask, “Are you worried I will be uncomfortable if I sneeze [or whatever the fetish is] in session now that I know this?” If they say say yes, I’d basically use that opportunity to assure them I won’t be uncomfortable and then ask how they’d like to handle it in future sessions if something like that happened (i.e., ignore it or process it again).  

TL;DR: Due to our training (and the kind of people drawn to therapy), myself and all my therapist friends have very few topics that make us uncomfortable. (Disclaimer—any topic WILL make a therapist uncomfortable if it comes with inappropriate or boundary-pushing behavior, but that goes without saying and isn’t the issue here.)

Also, @RB my phone is being weird and won’t let me quote you, but I’m glad you got a new therapist after the first one offered you a cure. Considering you expressed no distress about it and it isn’t at all a harmful fetish, no good/experienced therapist would have suggested something like that. 

Super interesting response to read thanks for chiming in!!

this gives me a bit of courage that it would be probably okay to tell a therapist one day! 

[Engmanny]

On 1/24/2022 at 8:02 PM, Melody said:

Super interesting response to read thanks for chiming in!!

this gives me a bit of courage that it would be probably okay to tell a therapist one day! 

This is fascinating there is an urge in me to see how we got here as it were, I'd love to know how I ended up with this fetish, find the whole thing fascinating and to talk u judged would be really interesting 

[ticklywombat]

I’ve discussed the fetish a little bit with my therapist as part of a general discussion about sexuality and turn-ons and shame, which is a topic we keep revisiting. (I haven’t gone into a LOT of detail but I have mentioned it.) It was helpful for me to talk about it a little.

[Jeff]

On 1/20/2022 at 4:06 PM, Mal said:

For years I have really wanted to talk to a therapist about the fetish and how it connects psychologically to my relationship with control and stuff, but I've always been too chicken to divulge! Curious if anyone else talks about the fetish with a therapist (if you feel comfortable sharing)?

Yes, my therapist has known for quite some time.  She doesn't judge me for it and actually just lets me talk about it to my comfort level.  She is the only person (minus those on here) that I can talk to about my fetish at great lengths and know that I am not going to get judged or scolded or feel like I am "weird".

I told my last therapist about it and she actually made me feel really small about it and actually started yelling at me when I blew my nose in her office (needless to say, that was the LAST session with her)

[Travel]

My therapist was the one who helped me discover my kinks and accept them.

[ScorpionPrincess]

No way. lol.

[Silver]

I am deep into talking to my current therapist about it. It's been really hard to find the courage to talk to her, but also helpful. Like, this kink is the deepest and most important thing about me on some level, and seems like it connects to everything else in my life. Although the kink itself is neutral, I think it's presence led to a lot of childhood confusion and trauma--having no way to escape my parents' symptoms or avoid having symptoms in front of them and others. It's a weird source of non-consensual/unwanted childhood sexual exposure that impacts my adult relationships now. Of course everyone is different, but I think talking about it in therapy can be super helpful with the right person. 

[Mal]

7 hours ago, Silver said:

It's a weird source of non-consensual/unwanted childhood sexual exposure that impacts my adult relationships now.

Yeah, I think about the role of consent/ violation in relation to this fetish a lot. There have been many moments in my life where I definitely have felt traumatized or violated by experiencing someone's unwanted sneezing (*especially* during the pandemic), and it's really hard to place that feeling when the source the violation doesn't have the same meaning to other people. I imagine processing it with a therapist is very helpful and cathartic! Thanks for sharing! 

[Arvani]

This thread is amazing and I love it. What an interesting topic. I’ve been in and out of therapy a few times and currently have been with the same therapist for a year and it never occurred to me to talk about this with her. But now that I’m thinking about it, there’s a LOT about my sexuality that I tend to feel a mix of shame/fear about expressing. Without being weird about it, I’m a fairly kinky individual and it took me literally 20+ years to realize and even partially accept this about myself and I’m definitely still not there. I wonder what would happen if I brought up the topic … it really makes me feel like my stomach is shriveling up just to consider but maybe that’s a sign that I need to step up, work through it and start owning it. Especially as someone who has been in a monogamous relationship for 18 years - you would think that all options have been exhausted by now but I still hold back as far as how much I share with my husband. I would say he knows probably like 60% of my kink. This really has me thinking!! Thanks for bringing it up and for all the insight!

[Silver]

15 hours ago, Mal said:

Yeah, I think about the role of consent/ violation in relation to this fetish a lot. There have been many moments in my life where I definitely have felt traumatized or violated by experiencing someone's unwanted sneezing (*especially* during the pandemic), and it's really hard to place that feeling when the source the violation doesn't have the same meaning to other people. 

Wow, I'm so grateful for this discussion, and for your response, Mal. It's been a couple years since I've spent much time on the forum (I think largely due to my shame issues), and the reason I revisited now was actually because of my current therapy work and wanting to look and see if there was any discussion of this kink leading to inadvertent sexual trauma. 

I've found myself feeling sooo alone and isolated in my experience of sexual trauma/violations from unwanted exposure to others' symptoms as a child, and my "forced" kink sexual expression in front of caregivers. It's difficult to trust that my therapist really gets it--like, how could she? And it's difficult owning my experiences as trauma when no one intended to cause me harm or could have imagined that I was experiencing routine life stuff as sexual violations. It's just messy and complicated, and I haven't really seen this type of discussion on the forum in the past. I know most of us cringe with "family sneezes" but I feel genuinely traumatized in many ways by childhood experiences and like these issues now play out in my marriage. 

I would be grateful to hear from any of you with similar experiences. Don't get me wrong--I love the kink itself in so many ways/it is my heart and soul and I couldn't imagine changing it. And, being a child was fraught and complicated because of it. 

[starstorm00]

Lol absolutely not! I’m perfectly happy taking my secret to the grave and I harbor no depression or resent towards myself because of it. It’s nobody’s business ESPECIALLY not some *nosy* therapist. 😜

The way I see it, the best part of what we share is the fact that we all do it from time to time. Therefore I’m very much satisfied because sneezing will continue to happen regardless.