Married members who haven’t told their spouse

[peach2218]

I’ve made a few topics about this over the years but I’m interested to hear from people about it! Is anyone else here married or in a serious long-term relationship and you haven’t told your partner about the fetish? 
 

I’ve been with my husband for 7 years, married for 2, and I haven’t told him. Last year we were both drunk and talking about our sexual fantasies. I was hoping he’d tell me something bizarre so I wouldn’t feel so weird about my fetish but noooo, the only thing he’s in to is pretty vanilla and common. I chickened out on telling him, and now I feel like we’re so deep into our relationship that it would just be awkward for me to come out and tell him now!
 

I’m not even sure what I want to gain from it. I don’t want him to feel weird around me whenever he sneezes or if someone sneezes around us. I don’t necessarily want to incorporate sneezing into our *ahem* playtime, at least not every time. I just feel like maybe I’m the odd one out for keeping such a huge part of my sexuality from my husband. I remember talking about foot fetishes with him once and he seemed really weirded out by it, even though that fetish is way, wayyyyyy more common than ours. I’m not sure how he’d take the news. 

[RB]

I’ve told this story here before so I’ll do a brief recap. I kept it hidden for fear it would go badly. She found an old copy of the newsletter I had on a floppy disk that I had long forgotten about. She was laughing her ass off and confronted me. I told her I only kept a copy because I thought it was so funny too and she accepted the explanation. She eventually found out a few years later. It did not go well. We don’t speak of it anymore. FWIW, we’re married 27 years now and together for 36. It wasn’t a deal breaker. 

[Niceguy]

I told me ex-wife. It was fine. Short term benefit long term... doesn't really matter. In the end I wish I hadn't, because I fewlt awkward ANY time ANYthing sneeze related came up or someone sneezed around, the was sneezing in a TV show, you name it. THAT awkward feeling, coming from her KNOWING, was not worth the trade-off, IMHO. And I haven't told my current wife. Don't plan to. There's nothing I'm looking for from her in that regard, so it's really no big deal. But it's really no big deal EITEHR WAY. But just as someone who's told an ex-spouse and and ex-girlfriend in the interim... Meh. No real need to bring it up with my current wife. And you shouldn't feel guilty or awkward EITHER WAY, but not telling is a perfectly valid option. 

[peach2218]

4 hours ago, Niceguy said:

I told me ex-wife. It was fine. Short term benefit long term... doesn't really matter. In the end I wish I hadn't, because I fewlt awkward ANY time ANYthing sneeze related came up or someone sneezed around, the was sneezing in a TV show, you name it. THAT awkward feeling, coming from her KNOWING, was not worth the trade-off, IMHO. And I haven't told my current wife. Don't plan to. There's nothing I'm looking for from her in that regard, so it's really no big deal. But it's really no big deal EITEHR WAY. But just as someone who's told an ex-spouse and and ex-girlfriend in the interim... Meh. No real need to bring it up with my current wife. And you shouldn't feel guilty or awkward EITHER WAY, but not telling is a perfectly valid option. 

Thank you for your input! So many people believe that absolutely nothing should be kept a secret when you’re married, but I think maybe telling him would do more harm than good. 

[Engmanny]

Yeah the same married 11 years haven't told partners. Its sad not to share but i do wonder if she suspects head massage lets me include nose and sinuses, comfortable picking nose in front of me and seeing content (not showing) maybe later just comfort in each other presence, anyway both great for me

[EveP]

I've been with my husband for 22 years now and he doesn't know, at least I don't think he does. He caught me reading a sneeze fic once and asked why all the sneezes were spelled out. I said he'd have to ask the person who wrote it... I think he has his suspicions, but we've never talked about it. We have a great life together and I don't want to jinx it. I'm sure he keeps secrets from me as well.

[CheekyGuy]

I've been married over a decade, and my wife and I have a variety of common kink/fetish interests. Yet other than once in passing after a lot of drinks (which she may have forgotten), I've never brought this one up, really. Somehow I know it wouldn't be her thing, and might get a little in the way of other things. So happier for this to be something to share privately with others, including via this site. Doing this in no sense implies anything about our marriage; having conversations with third parties, including about very intimate things, is something which has always been ok between us.

[haymaker]

On 1/22/2022 at 3:29 AM, RB said:

I’ve told this story here before so I’ll do a brief recap. I kept it hidden for fear it would go badly. She found an old copy of the newsletter I had on a floppy disk that I had long forgotten about. She was laughing her ass off and confronted me. I told her I only kept a copy because I thought it was so funny too and she accepted the explanation. She eventually found out a few years later. It did not go well. We don’t speak of it anymore. FWIW, we’re married 27 years now and together for 36. It wasn’t a deal breaker. 

Pretty damn similar tale to me Sir.

I (stupidly) printed out some material and my wife found it. There was a brief inquisition, but since then its never been mentioned. However I'm pretty sure she's visited this site for a look around and she's probably sussed me. But I'm lucky, she is a kind soul and has never ridiculed me, even when we've had a bust up.

[Arvani]

I brought it up to my husband when we had been together about a year. We tried experimenting a bit but he isn’t an inherently sneezy person, and I mostly ended up feeling bad about it and just … embarrassed for lack of a better word. I didn’t bring up the topic after that. Interestingly maybe a year or so ago he asked if it was something I still enjoyed, and at that time I really wasn’t actively in any community at all so I answered “Not really.” Mostly honestly at the time - I simply had moved on to other things and was also super busy in general. I’ve been more active recently but am not sure if I would bring it up again. Although who knows - anything could happen I suppose!