Nose Knows Occultists

[nicknack101]

Hello all!

I'm a longtime lurker, first time poster. I don't consider myself much of a writer, but I felt like, "why not give it a whirl?" Anyway, this is the first part in a multi-part story. I hope you enjoy it! Feel free to comment any constructive feedback.

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The Call

           “Bring…Bring”. I guess that’s not the sound that phones make nowadays. Considering it wasn’t a landline, and rather a cellphone, perhaps it was more of a jingle. A sweet melody? Honestly, I don’t pay attention to the ringtone. I’m just interested in what comes immediately afterward.

            “At-shiueuwww!” Luna Atchool sneezed suddenly and harshly. The echo of her magnificent nasal explosion told me all I needed to know. We had ourselves another case!

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The Meeting

            Where to start? It’s such an interesting thing, this journey I’ve been on with Luna for the last two years. I guess the most pertinent thing to do would be to give you some background information. I am a teacher after all…er, more or less was.

            It started when I met a beautifully buxom, unusual sort of women in the most usual sort of places: the gym. As I mentioned, I was a teacher- middle school, indifferent to kids. Not indifferent, I loved my students, but the monotony of the job was driving me wild; I’m sure many readers can feel my pain in a very familiar sense. Anyhow, the woman! Wow, she was stunning! I had just finished my daily jog- mind you, I’m in shape, but not one of those extremely vascular steroid junkies that you encounter screaming bloody murder attempting a PR. I had quite an intense run, and my normally curly hair had frizzed badly, and my (exquisite) Pokemon Kanto starters shirt was stuck to my chest with sweat. Needless to say, no one should have felt the need to approach me in that situation, and yet, that’s why things were so…unusual.

            “At-shiueuwww, He-At-shiueuwww, Hwa-Atshiewww!” I wheeled around like a pizza boy who had just dropped a month’s rent worth of pies on the ground. Standing behind me were the world’s most beautiful green eyes, scrunched at the corners as if they’d just been pinched. It was a woman, tiny, maybe 5’2, but incredibly fit, with curves that would make Kim K blush. Her waves of red hair almost cascaded all around her body like a red dress, but hidden behind her flowing hair, it was clear that she had two large, blue crescent earrings tucked away.

            She stared at me having recovered from her sudden bout of sneezing. I realized that I was staring back at her dumbly. Now, I’m not shy, but I should say that pretty women make me feel uneasy. I’ve never known what to say, and when I do speak, I have this perpetual habit of putting my foot in my mouth. Normally, I did my best to avoid confrontations like the one I was in presently, but the immediacy of the moment had caught me by surprise. Our eyes had met, and, just like in Pokemon (yes, I am fan), I needed to attack the situation.

            “Hel-lo, my name…er…is James-“. I began to speak so nervously, and with such a fluster that if my college buddies had been there they would have all collectively face palmed. Luckily, the young beauty in front of me saved me with yet another unusual expulsion.

            “At-shiueuwww! Alt-shuiewww!...Ugh.” She seemed almost winded after the second sneeze, and the spray lingered in the air in front of her for moment like a waterfall of mist. It was beauty to my eyes.

            I guess at this point it’s pretty obvious to the readers, but I, James Vuewer, do in fact have a sneezing fetish. Ever since I was a boy, in fact. I know, for some of you this may be a turn off, but I promise making it through some of the more fetishy portions of this story will still find you entertained. Some of you may even like those more…intricately explained portions.

            “Hello, James,” the woman’s voice startled my ever-so-slightly turned on mind, and brought me swiftly back to the present moment. “My name is Luna. Luna Atchool.” She said it almost with an air of magnificent, mysticism, and I thought, though I couldn’t be sure, that I saw her crescent earrings shimmer for a moment.

            “James Vuewer. I apologize for…er, not speaking my full name earlier.” Still rusty at this, but at least I had managed to complete a full sentence this time.

            “Vuewer,” Luna began, “what an odd name.” She wasn’t wrong, mind you. My family has never been able to discern what our origins were. It’s almost like we were dropped out of the sky for some indescribable purpose. A purpose, I felt, I had yet to fulfill. “Mr. Vuewer-“

            “Please, call me James!” I interrupted.

            “Well, James. I have an odd question for y…yu…heh-“ I saw Luna’s eyes squint tightly. The edges of her upturned nose crinkled, and her dainty eyebrows furrowed intensely. I knew this look: a sneeze was on its way. “At-shiueuwww! Alt-shuiewww! Ak-shiueww!” The triple almost exploded out of her tiny frame, and her body doubled over with each individual earthshattering blast. It was truly amazing seeing someone so small shaking with the force of those tremendous sneezes.

            “Goodness!” I exclaimed completely in shock. I had never been around such an objectively curvy and beautiful women who sneezed so consistently. “Allergies?” I inquired kindly hiding the beginning stages of arousal.

            Luna giggled, which I guess might have been considered an odd, or perhaps unusual, response. “Yes, to many, many things,” she said adding emphasis to the second “many”. “However, in this case, I believe that there’s something more here. Something that you in particular are causing.”

            That didn’t seem right. I never wore cologne, too ostentatious! On top of that, my clothing wasn’t a special sort of wool or anything allergenic, and even if it was, I doubted that it would trouble her if she wasn’t directly wearing it. It all seemed so strange. But, then again there was the thing…but it couldn’t be! Could it? I was lost in my own thoughts when she spoke again.

            “You’ve been seeing things, James. Haven’t you? Things that move suddenly or shouldn’t be there. And, most importantly… hearing them: women’s sneezes.” She almost whispered the last portion, but the effect of the later part of her speech caused the hairs all along my forearms to stand up.

            How could she know? How could she know about the faint, dainty, yet almost desperate sounding sneezes that seemed to illuminate my room sporadically with sound throughout the night?! How? Who was this woman?!

            “At-shiueuwww! Alt-shuiewww! Ak-shiueww!” was the answer.

[SweetPotato]

Color me intrigued! Nice blending of genres here.

[nicknack101]

Hey Y'all, I've completed the second part to the story, and I've added more sneezy dialogue. I'll be trying to flesh out the characters a bit more in part three, but for now, this is more of the set-up to the investigation.

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The Road Trip

            That was a year ago, yet the events that transpired after that fateful day remain fresh in my mind. As I drove Luna and myself to our next case, I couldn’t help but to think back over all I’d learned.

Luna, as she had told me, is an occultist in a long line of occultist under the family name of “Achool”. Their specialty: ghosts, well, of the sneezing variety. According to Luna, there is a specific brand of ghost ironically named “sneezers” (I know, unoriginal, but I’m not the one who specializes in characterizing ghosts). These sneezers are predominantly women, although it’s not clear why, can be invisible or produce a body (though almost always transparent), and, of course, are known for their propensity to sneeze with frequency. Upon meeting Luna, one such sneezer inhabited my attic. Apparently, the poor apparition didn’t enjoy the dust up there.

            Luna, and the women in her family, moreover, have all inherited a special gift. An ability to “sniff” out, as she calls it, the scent of these sneezers. As you probably already have come to deduce, Luna sneezes frequently around sneezers- her nose acting more or less like a compass to finding a location of any sneezer in the vicinity.

            Now, an astute observer may question, “James, how did she know you were afflicted with the scourge of a sneezer in your attic?” The answer? Simple! People who encounter sneezers carry a sort of ectoplasm around with them. In the language of the occult this ectoplasm is, again, ironically, called “germ” (again, not the one who writes this stuff). These germs stay with those who have the misfortune of being haunted by sneezers, and when Luna runs into one of these people she begins (as I have seen frequently during the past year) to sneeze continuously. The closer she gets to the afflicted person, or even the sneezer itself the more she sneezes. Simply put, she’s a sneezer-sniffing, sniffling-machine.

            “At-shiueuwww! Ah-tschiewww! At-chooowoo!” My mind was immediately brought back to the road, and I looked over at my stunning passenger as she gingerly rubbed her nose in between dainty sniffles.

            “James…sniff…can you he-…clahose he-…” Her breathing started to hitch, and her glistening green eyes became glassier as allergic tears began to well up. She was preparing for another sneezing fit.

            As I studied her pre-sneeze expression with intense arousal it occurred to me what she must have been alluding to. The window! My driver’s side window was let down just ever so slightly. What Luna had mentioned at the gym all those days ago was true, she did have many allergies aside from the sneezing caused by her ghost hunting. Of the one’s I knew of these allergies included pollen, grasses, and trees (really anything that caused seasonal hayfever), fur of any kind, smoke, perfume, and dust- especially dust. Honestly, Luna was such a sneezy mess most of the time that it was hard to determine if we were getting close to a sneezer or the common housecat most of the time!

            “At-shiueuwww! Ah-tschiewww! Hashiewwwww” Luna sneezed thrice as I cranked the window back into its upright position. “Thank ya…ha, ah…you, James.” Luna said again with yet another hitch of sneeziness.

            “No problem,” I responded as I focused my eyes back on the road, although there wasn’t much to look at. We were in the Iowan countryside, which basically just meant we were driving in an undisclosed place in Iowa not named Des Moines. Iowa, like a lot of other midwestern states, suffered from an absolute dearth of anything enjoyable to look at (apologies to my midwestern readers. However, we both know it’s true).

            Through the rolling…hills? Smaller escalations in otherwise flatland? Anyway, through all the teaming fields of corn and soy, throughout all the old or commercialized farmlands, somewhere in this state was someone that desperately seemed to need our help with a sneezer.

            Back when we had received the call in our Chicago office, a young woman, no more than twenty or so was on the other end of the line. “Hello? Hello?” Said the young woman followed by a pause which was filled by the aggressive sneezing of Luna. “Is…is this ‘Nose Knows Occultists’”. Again, I was not in the room when these names were picked. I had quit my teaching job to join Luna after she had gone into private practice by herself.

            “Sniff…ye…he…At-shieuw! At-shiewwww…he…hel…At-shiuewwweww!” Luna sneezed forcefully as a reply.

            “Wow! Bless you!” the voice on the other end of the phone replied.

            “Tha-nk you…sniff…you have reached their of-fice…he…this he…is Lu-ana he…”. Luna always struggled mightily on the phone when a caller had a sneezer in their home. It was always quite fascinating how the remnants of germs could travel even through a phone! More importantly, though, Luna’s extra strong reaction to germs allowed her to sniff out whether there were truly sneezers afflicting a person’s home, even from far away. Most of the time, people were hearing sneezes from an extra allergic downstairs neighbor. This young lady in Iowa, however, was in a completely real situation.

            “Hello Luna!” The young voice radiated with a certain musicality to it that only someone in their youth could possess.

            “Ha-shiew! Har-shiew! He…hee…ha-tchoiew! Luna responded to the young woman with three allergic blasts.

            “Bless you, Luna. I hope that you’re ok!” The woman sounded so kind. I could even hear the concern in her voice from where Luna had the phone on speaker in her office. I could tell by just how much Luna was sneezing that this woman most definitely had a sneezer problem.

            “Ib fined..sniff..he…ids…he…he…oof…norbal sniff” Luna was struggling just to make it through a sentence talking to the woman. Many times, Luna would begin sneezing so frequently over the phone that she would send the phone my way to answer. “Ja-hames”, she’d say as a pre-sneeze expression crept over her freckled face, “I…he…need…he…HE”, and she’d suck in a dramatic breath and sneeze the bejesus out of her poor nose. It was always so insanely hot to me that I frequently struggled to stay focused on what was being said to me over the phone.

            “Yeah I get it,” the young woman spoke up on the other end of the line. “Ragweed and pollen are terrible right now. I’ve been sneezing all day haha!” She let out a jovial laugh as a sign of commiseration with Luna. “Anyway, now that were on the subject, I’ve been hearing some…er, violent sneezing?”

            “Violent how?” I piped up from my own office across the hall from Luna’s.

            “Oh, I didn’t recognize that there was another person here!”

            “Ak-shiew! Ak-shiewww! Ak-shiew!” Luna sneezed intensely.

            “Bless you!” The one woman verbalized.

            Luna peered over to me with a sneezy expression through the glass window in her office. I knew that meant that she needed a break from the germs, and so I briskly walked myself into her office to take the phone from her hands and grant her some much needed relief.

            “Hello!” I started. “This is James Vuewer, associate at Nose Knows Occultist. How do you do?” A little too formal. Again, I struggle with pretty women. Even one’s that sound pretty.

            “Oh! Well, I do quite well James haha. Thanks for asking!” The young woman’s polite giggle made me feel quite a bit more at ease.

            “Good to hear! What’s your name, age, and where are you calling from?”

            “I’m Cynthia Allergeton. Age 20. Calling from Snotsville, IA”

            “Snotsville? Really?”

            “Yes, haha. Really!”

            “Ak-shiew! Akshieww! At-shiew!” Luna sneezing was a way of showing her own amazement in the towns strange naming.

            “Ok, well…er…you mentioned a moment ago some…violent sneezing?”

            “Yes! From my barn! I live on a farm with my mother! It started last week, but, oh, it’s really annoying and loud. It’s so loud I can hear it all night!”

            “So far, is it just at night? Nothing during the day?”

            “Come to mention it,” she paused for a second as if deep in thought. Then she spoke, “no I don’t believe so. It’s like whatever it is sleeps during the day then suffers from extreme allergies at night! Oh, please come. The constant sneezing is caused my animals to become restless on my farm.”

            “Interesting,” I said while also glancing over to Luna who was blowing her nose gently into a bundle of tissues. We made eye contact for a second, and I saw her nod her head in agreement. “Ms. Allergeton.”

            “Yes?” she replied.

            “I believe that we at Nose Knows Occultist can help with your problem!”

            So, that’s how Luna and I ended up trolling along the roads in the hot summer sun in the middle of the state of Iowa. I may not enjoy my stay, but I always do enjoy seeing Luna in work. As I’ve said before, she’s the sneeziest, curviest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. I’ve developed quite the crush on her over the year we’ve worked together, though that’s my secret for now. Anyway, she’s a marvel to see work. A bit of a Sherlock Holmes when it comes to ghost hunting. I guess that makes me her Watson.

            As these thoughts raced through my mind we came to a fork in the small, two-lane Iowan highway, and I kept to the right as the GPS instructed. Within a few miles we came to a lone, single-story farmhouse with red siding and a wood shingled rood. There were cracks in the siding, as if the house was quite old, but it didn’t seem decrepit from the outside. More like the age had brought with it the graces of character. I could tell that it’s inhabitants must not be wealthy, but at the same time, were probably just simple people attempting to live their lives.

            I glanced out of the side of the car, unsure of whether we were on the right farmland. Then, however, I caught the sight of a young woman with the most magnificent, long auburn hair riding up on a painted stallion, whose galloping looked almost as majestic as the woman herself.

            As the woman approached, I caught sight of another interest: a big, faded, lopsided red barn.

            “Ak-shiew! At-shieww! Ap-shiewww!” Sneezed Luna.

            We had made it to our destination. Snotsville, Iowa.

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[NoV]

I was hooked after the buxom, sneezy redhead description  Interesting supernatural element too - would love to read more.

[poiub]

Original setup, looking forward to seeing how it plays out!

[nicknack101]

Hey y'all, I was on vacation, and I just got back. This is part 3 of the story. Let me know if you have any constructive criticism that could possibly make things more enjoyable to read! I love any sneezy suggestions!

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The Interview

            “Ak-shiew! At-shieww! At-shieweww!”

            “Jeez! Bless you, Ms. Achool. I hope our home isn’t too dusty for your poor nose.” These sweet words of concern came from our forementioned caller, Ms. Allergeton, who by this time had instructed us to refer to her as Cynthia.

            Cynthia had greeted us upon arrival at her and her mother’s farmhouse. Her kind smile coupled with her noticeable cheek dimples had made us instantly feel at ease, and the way she had tied up her beautiful painted stallion with such care and grace made me think of a ballerina masquerading as a cowgirl. She was incredibly lithe in every way- a testament to her youth.

            We hadn’t done much chatting outside. Luna, being allergic to horsehair, began sneezing in a frenzy almost immediately, and Cynthia had been a dear to help my poor buxom colleague inside for a fresh cup of Ginseng tea to soothe her ailing nose. Thus, bringing us to the present moment seated on Cynthia’s couch.  

            “Ak-shiew! Akshiou! Egh…sniff” Luna breathed in stuffily. “Id’s alrigh-he, Cynthia. My nodes id jus ehtr-eh…eh…”. Luna braced for another sneeze as I swiftly took one of the multitudes of semi-used emergency tissues from my jean pocket and handed it to her. “Ak-shiewwwww!” Luna sneezed with an incredible, allergic force, soaking the tissue in spray.

            “Oh my God! Bless you!”, cried Cynthia in amazement. I’m sure she had never seen a woman so sneezy before in her life. To be honest, neither had I until I met Luna.

            “Don’t worry about Ms. Achool,” I said calmly to Cynthia attempting to ease any worries she may have had about Luna’s constant sniffling and sneezing. “In truth, Ms. Achool’s constant nasal explosions may be of more use to you than you know.”

            “Oh? How so?!”

            I proceeded to explain to Cynthia about Luna’s gifts at hunting sneezers, and our exploits in ghost hunting from the previous year as business partners.

            “Oh! That’s so interesting, and yet, so expected, I guess, considering the rather odd name of your agency.”

            “Yes, er…it wasn’t my first choice in naming…”. I gave a sideways glance over at Luna with her nose still buried in the tissue I had handed her earlier. From underneath the shreds that remained, I could see her itchy eyes flash a smile at me.

            “Anyways, Cynthia, we always wish to start these things off with an interview. You know, get to know the person and the unwanted activity a bit better.”

            “Oh! Really?! Well that’s exciting! Where should I begin?” Cynthia’s bubbly personality really was a bit of a marvel to me. She hadn’t missed a beat in her hospitality since we had arrived at her establishment.

            Luna cleared her nose into a tissue and turned to address Cynthia. “Sorry for my rather…snotty…appearance. As you can see, the allergens do something fierce to me.” Luna sniffled wetly as if to add emphasis to her words.

            “No, no, you actually look quite elegant despite all the sniffling haha”, Cynthia said with a chuckle. Personally, I didn’t think she was wrong. Considering how diabolical her allergies could be, Luna always appeared rather prim, but in a sexy, eclectic way. It’s hard to explain, but if I didn’t know any better, I would say that Luna was the type of person that really valued people noticing her figure. For today’s trip, she had on a pair of skintight, black jeans tucked into a pair of snakeskin cowboy boots (which, I might add, her vanity made her buy specifically for this trip), and her top was a sort of white, cross stitch blouse that somehow still included a fair bit of plunging cleavage. She looked more like a sexy farmhand than an occultist.

            I watched Luna shift over to her handy pen and pad that she kept inside of her leather bag.

            “Tell me, Cynthia, when did this all start?” Luna spoke with the calm authority that I had grown to love over the past year. “Bring us through the first encounter.”

            Cynthia studied us for a moment. Her eyes wavered for a second, but it wasn’t clear what I was seeing in them. Fear? Maybe. It was possible. Encounters with sneezers could be traumatic. I should know; my own ghostly apparition nearly took the life of one of my friends.

            Despite what it sounds like, a sneezer is nothing to sneeze at- pun intended. I think most readers would consider a sneezing ghost to be a mild nuisance, and that the extent of the problem would be the noise. But they would be wrong. Sneezers, like many other spirits, are souls lost in time. In fact, many are trapped in their worst personal hell: an insufferable allergy attack. All sneezers were tremendous allergy sufferers in their own lives, many made invalids by their allergic bouts. Imagine your own life, confined into a constant need to sneeze, yet with each allergic blast, no relief! It’s enough to drive the sanest person as mad as a hatter. And so, sneezers are such: violent, angry, mad. As I said before all sneezers are women, and many possess a body, and almost all ghostly apparitions are beautiful maidens. These beautiful maidens indiscriminately use their snotty wailing to drive the host or hostess that they’re haunting mad. But that’s not their end goal, and that’s not where the danger ends. Sneezers want nothing more than to get rid of their allergic ailment. Similar to the way germs spread viruses from person to person, the germ that sneezers emit can be given to another person, another female, only. You see, dear reader, the sneezer in my attic, the one Luna helped exorcise when we first met, never wanted me. It wanted my female roommate, and a couple of days without Luna’s help, my roommate would have been a sneezy, allergic mess- forever.

           I shuddered with the thought of that encounter in my attic. As unusual as her gifts were, Luna’s powers of sneezer detection and exorcism were paramount to making sure the Allergeton farm was safe. I could tell by the look on Cynthia’s face that she had already been impacted by the sneezer. My soul felt for this sweet young girl in front of us.

         “Cynthia,” I said softly, “I understand that it may be hard to discuss some of the trauma’s you’ve encountered on the farm these past couple of nights, and I don’t blame you for shuddering at the thought of them but feel reassured. Ms. Atchool is the best at what she does! The scourge of your sneezer will be no more when we are through with it!”

        Cynthia’s eyes shook with excitement, then she giggled. I realized that I must look a fool with my impassioned speech, and I had almost risen off the couch as my excitement overtook me. Luckily, my embarrassment was cut short by three loud, allergic blasts from Luna’s nose: “Ak-shiew! At-shieww! Ap-shiewew!”

        “Bless you!” Cynthia said to Luna. Her blue eyes were light again, and the color had recovered on her rosy cheeks. “Ok, I’ll start from the beginning.”

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Cynthia’s Story

            Funny enough, the night had started with a sneeze: “Hetchi, hetchi, hetchi, he-eshiiii!” I sneezed at the hay in the barn. My nose is always so overreactive to hay and grass pollen. Sometimes, I spend the whole day out in the barn just sneezing. I rubbed my nose in large circles and snorted aggressively to relieve the itch.

         “Hetchi, hetchi, hetchi, he-eshhhhh!” I sneezed another aggressive set of four. My nose was getting so tired from the constant sneezing. I snorted again and rubbed my nose with greater aggression. Lucky for me, it was past 6:30PM. I just needed to complete my task of sweeping up the discarded twills of hay that littered the ground, then I could finally shower off these cursed allergens. “Hetchi, hetchi, hetchi, he-eshhhh!” I sneezed a quadruple again, and my nose began to dribble little dollops of pollen infected snot.

         I brought out my hanky and blew my nose. It felt good to relieve some of the pressure in my sinuses.

         I began sweeping again, but of course, within seconds, the dust and hay in the barn had stirred into a small, hay fever inducing tornado at my boots. I looked up in the air waiting for sweet relief to exit through my nose. I took in a deep breath, scrunched my eyes, and then- “HATCHOO, HATCHOO,HATCHOO, HATCHOO, HATCHOO!!!!!”

        Four incredibly loud blasts erupted from above me, the spray and wind from them knocked me unsteady from my feet, and I fell into a mound of freshly swept horse hay. Dazed, I looked up. That’s when the terror started.

       Floating above my covering in the hay, was a frontier woman. She was huge! At least, 6’5, but oddly enough she was wearing cowboy boots, and instead of a skirt, she had a pair of tight blue jeans. Her top, as ridiculous as it might sound, was a sort of corset that showed the women’s ample cleavage. She had ringlets of long blond hair that hailed beneath her straw hat. Her rear was facing me, and I could tell that she had the curves of an Instagram model. It was an insane get-up, but somehow, I could tell that it was old. Then her face scrunched again.

“HATCHOO, HATCHOO, HAPPPPSHIEWWW, HAKSHIEWWWWW, HATCHOWWWW, HATCHOOO, HETCHIEWWW, HAPSHIEWWW!”

        The poor specter was sneezing uncontrollably, and with little to any break in between. My allergies can get pretty bad, but I’ve never seen a person as allergic looking like this ghost. Her whole nose seemed to explode with each sneeze, and the spray generated such a wind that the hay on the floor in the barn stirred into a whirlwind. The horses in the stalls neighed loudly and spun in circles with fright.

“HAPSHIEWWW, HA…EH..AKSHIEWWW, APSHIEWWWW, ETSHIEWWW, ETCHIEWWWWW, EHHHH-ETCHOWWWWWWW!”

         The ghost continued to sneeze tremendously as I looked on from my pile of hay on the ground. Suddenly, I remembered my own allergies. The hay was like a sneezy paradise for my allergic nose. The fright from my encounter with the ghost had kept my own allergies at bay, but now, having come back to reality, I realized that I had maybe a dozen or more sneezes stuffed to the brim of my nostrils like a dam ready to burst.

        “Eh…eh…EHHHH,” I began to suck in air for the sneezing frenzy that was to come.

“HECTHOOOO, HACHOOO,ATCHOOOOOOO, EH…EH…WH-EH, WHO EH-IS, ATCHOOOO, ATCHOOO, ATCHOOO, HEPSHIEWWW, EH-HE-ER?!”

        The ghost could barely speak between her allergic burst, but I understood the message: she could hear my building sneezes. I didn’t want to know what would happen if she found me. I pinched my nose, hard, and I crawled myself deeper into the hay so that it completely covered my body.

         I was in a tough spot. To best hide, I had to get on my hands and knees, with my butt directly in the air, just barely covered by the hay. My mom always said that I got her families hips, and I’d have to agree. They’d come in handy many a night with beer and boys. Tonight, not so much.

        My nose itched furiously, and I scrubbed my nose as gingerly as possible to ward off the coming sneezes. Unfortunately, I was losing.

“HEPCHIOOO, HEPSHOOOOO, UGH…EH…WHE-ER…ATCHOOO, WHERE AR-EH, APSHIEWWWWW, YOU?!”

        The ghost almost wailed with anger, and her spraying sneezes became more ferocious and more constant. It looked like the ghostly woman was in pain. She had sneezed nearly 80 times since she appeared, virtually non-stop, and with each sneeze her 6’5 frame shook showcasing her impressive assets.

         Then something truly terrifying happened. The ghost came from her perch floating above me and dropped to the floor. Then, she sniffed. Hard. Dust and hay flew into her nostrils from all directions like a whirling tornado. The whole ground was cleared, and my hiding spot was uncovered. The ghost opened her eyes. They were red. They looked so incredibly itchy and allergic, but they betrayed her true feelings. Because on her face was a smile. She had found me.

         On my hands and knees, I still had my nose pinched between my two fingers. Fear told me that if I sneezed, and closed my eyes, that something terrible would happen to me. Luckily, it wasn’t me that sneezed first.

          The ghost, still smiling, closed her eyes, pointed her large, cannonball-shaped nostrils at me, and sneezed like nothing I’ve ever seen:

“HETCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, HETCHOOOOOOOOOO, HAPSHIEWWWWWW, HETCHIOOOOOO, EH…ET-SHIEWWWWW, ECH-OWWWWWW, HATCHOOOO, APSHOOOOO, AKSHOOOOO, ATCHOOOO, ACHOOOOO, ET-SHIEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!”

         The ghost sneezed at least 30 times in rapid, allergic succession. She seemed so overtaken by her sneezes, and with each allergic blast, she sprayed more and more hay back into the air.

         My eyes began streaming from my own allergies, and my nose burned with the desperate need to sneeze, but I dared not sneeze. I held on as long as I could. Until, with all the hay, and dust, and mayhem, I couldn’t hold on any longer.

         “Ah…Ahhhh…AHHHHHH!” This was it. A final itchy blast. I didn’t know what would happen to me. All I knew was the feeling of succumbing to my own incredible allergies.

         And then my mom opened the barn door. “Dinner!” Her sweet voice rang out. Then everything was still. No ghost. No tornado of itchy, polleny hay. Nothing.

        I sneezed incessantly all night long after that. I never stopped sneezing until the next morning.

[SneezeLucario]

Ohh, interesting concept. I wonder if you will show multiples cases.

[SneezeloveronGirls]

So do Sneezers just give permanent allergies to woman that they infect or do they also greatly enhance the power of their sneezes as well causing large amounts of destruction? I also love the descriptions of the Sneezer's nostrils.

Edited March 23, 2022 by SneezeloveronGirls
clarification

[nicknack101]

Hello all, thank you to the people who have replied, and are still viewing the story. I've really enjoyed writing it so far. To answer Sneezeloverongirls, I think I'm just going to have sneezers give allergies to those they afflict, but I could see destruction becoming a part of the story too. Anyway, here is the next part of the story. Let me know what y'all think!

 

The Situation

            Having just finished her story, Cynthia looked at us with wondering eyes. Her normal lithe personality had seemingly faded to the background, and no emerged a look of discomfort on her face. Having relived her trauma for our investigation, I could understand her feelings. She needed to know that we had everything under control.

            “Thank you, Cynthia.” I began. “I appreciate all you’ve told us. I know…er…that things must have been difficult for you afterward…” I began to trail on. I’ve never been the best of comforting those that have experienced sneezers firsthand. I only hope that Cynthia could sense the genuine concern for her on my face.

            “Akshiew! Akshiewww! Apshiewwww! Ugh. Goodness.” Luna broke into the awkward tension with a sneezy triplet. Her allergies did the trick, and I saw a smile emerge back on the face of our youthful hostess.

            “Bless you, Ms. Achool!” Cynthia said with a grin.

            “Thank you, Cynthia. If possible, would you accompany us to investigate the barn? It would be beneficial for us to get more information about the area the sneezer occupies.”

            “Oh…is…that really necessary?” Cynthia’s smile began to fade back into the creases and freckles of her face. It was clear that the girl was still traumatized by her previous experience in the barn from several nights ago. Looking at her fading ebullience, I instinctively made an attempt to console her.

            “Cynthia, I know that you’ve experienced something truly traumatic, and I really could only begin to know the fear you must possess, but by helping us in the barn, you’re going to be providing us with the groundwork to exorcise that terrible sneezer. Plus…”, I hesitated for a moment, “I’ll, er…be there to protect you?” My uncertainty rang out like a question. God, I was bad with pretty girls.

            Cynthia giggled. “Well, at least now I have a strong man to look after little old me haha.” She said it mockingly, but I’m sure my outburst made her feel better.

            “Cynthia, would you please show us to the barn?” Luna said. “If it’s alright with you, Mr. Vuewer and I will begin our investigation with your assistance.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Barn

            “Hetchi, hetchi, hetchi, he-eshhhhh!” Cynthia sneezed as soon as the big, red door was opened to the barn. I turned to look at her instinctively. I saw her rub her itchy nose in harsh circles, and snort forcefully to attempt to relieve her nose of the tickly hay pollen. I hadn’t made as much of note of it before, but Cynthia herself was rather a beauty. She was only about 5’3, maybe an inch taller than Luna, but with a similar athletic figure with a waist that flowed inward then out like a perfect hourglass. She wore tight blue jeans that accentuated her ample curves, and her riding boots were a muddy brown. Her auburn hair was placed delicately into a ponytail hidden into a trucker hat, a strange addition that actually added quite a bit to the cowgirl aesthetic. She was quite a looker.

             “Hetchi, hetchi, hetchi, he-eshhhhh!” Cynthia sneezed four more times then blew her nose hard into a hanky. “Ugh, dis hey id really stra-he…HE”, Cynthia scrunched her eyes tightly, took in a deep, deep breath, and let out another magnificent quadruple sneeze: “Hetchi, hetchi, hetchi, he-eshhhhh!”

            On cue, Luna, who up until that point had been waiting at the car looking for more Kleenexs, walked into the barn and greeted us in her normal fashion: “Akshiewww! Akshiewww! Akshowww!” Luna sneezed a triple. I could that this was going to be a rough day for both of my female companions.

            The barn itself was a bit more encompassing than Cynthia had originally described. There were two levels, the top of which, much to the dismay of both Luna and Cynthia herself, seemed to be covered with excess hay, and a ladder was laid flat along the back of the barn if anyone would need to ascend to get to the second level. To the right of the entrance, there were three stalls, each shuttered with a wooden door that rose approximately five and a half feet. Behind each door was a beautiful painted stallion, the horses the Allergeton’s raised were prized in Snotesville for their wonderful patterning. The left side of the barn, as Cynthia had mentioned held three large stacks of hay, neatly arranged by Cynthia’s sweeping. With her allergies, I could only imagine how long the process could be. The floor itself of the barn was littered with strands of hay as well. It was an allergy bomb waiting for anyone with even a modicum of a hay allergy

            “Hetchi, hetchi, hetchi, he-eshhhhh!” “Akshieww! Akshiewww! Apshieww!!!” Cynthia and Luna sneezed in unison, and both instinctively began scrubbing their noses in hopes that they could stave off the everlasting itch.

            It would be hard to concentrate on work with Luna and Cynthia both sneezing so frequently. But this stage was important. Work had to be done.

            The “investigation”, as Luna would call it, is the most fundamental stage of what we do at Nose Knows Occultist. To exercise a sneezer, one needs to “sniff out” the trigger. As I mentioned before, Luna’s nose is especially sensitive to germs given off by the presence of sneezers. However, her nose is also good at finding the “trigger”. This is a little technical, so let me backtrack a bit and explain. Spirits, sneezers included, all live in a world mirrored to our own. This world is not named by occultists, but I call it the “Otherworld” (listen, I know I ragged on Luna for her poor choice in naming, but it is harder than you might think). Anyway, the Otherworld looks like our world, but everything is opposite, a pure mirror image. Most spirits just want to live out their eternity in the Otherworld without being disturbed. Possessions and hauntings only occur because a spirit has been forced back into the human world. Imagine being ripped from your bed at night and thrust into a totally new plane of existence. I don’t think you’d be very happy either. Now here's where things get interesting. Sneezers are only brought back to the human world by means of a trigger: something the sneezer was so allergic to in their human life, that the mere thought of it drives them wild in the Otherworld.

            “But James, how does this allergy pull the sneezers out of the otherworld?” You might ask. Here’s how: when a sneezer’s grave, their final resting place, gets exposed to an allergen, the sneezer reappears in the area in which they died, hungry to pass their allergies onto an unsuspecting young woman. Notice how I mentioned that the sneezer reappears in the place where they died. Often, the grave that has been exposed to the allergen, and the where the sneezer appears, are not in the same location. This is why we investigate. And this is why Luna’s nose is so powerful. She can trace the germs from the sneezer back to their final resting place, and clear them of the foul allergen that ails them. It’s easier said then done, but that’s the gist of it.

            “Akshiewww! Akshiewww! AKSHIEWWWWWWWWW!” Luna sneezed her usual triple. Then another. And another. And another. She was sneezing so much, she had soaked through the pocket pack of Kleenex’s she had gotten from the car, and now she was sneezing snot right at the ground.

            “Ja-he-Hames AKSHIEWWWWWW! AKSHIEWWWWW! APSHIEWWW! AH-EHHHH-ESHIEWWWWWW! ESHIEWW! ECHOOOIIIOOO! ECHOOOOO!” Luna’s sneezing was getting out of control. Normally, this would mean that either a sneezer, or a sneezer’s grave was nearby, but we hadn’t moved anywhere! The combination of dust, horsehair, and hay was just driving my buxom friend wild. With each volley of sneezes I could see the desperation play out on her face. From her eyes squeezed tight on the ends, or her nose that twitched incessantly like a tick. Her bosom, that rose and fell with each magnificent rush of sneezes. Needless to say, I was not composing myself very well.

            Suddenly, I caught a sideways glance from Cynthia, and, what was that? A smile? It couldn’t have been. Cynthia hid it with her customary quadruple sneeze: “Hetchi, hetchi, hetchi, he-eshhhhh!”

            We were getting nowhere fast, not that I minded with the constant visual stimulation, but we were on a job, and time is paramount. It was time to put Luna’s sniffer to work.

            “Luna,” I began, “Do you think you’ll be able to control your sneezes long enough to sniff out the germs?”

            Luna began to speak, but another sneezy look drifted into her eyes. “Heh-“, she began gearing up for another sneeze, but, before she could release, Cynthia had clasped her thin fingers around Luna’s sensitive nose. A look of surprise shown through in Luna’s itchy, allergic eyes.

            “Miss Achool, if you keep sneezing so frequently we won’t be able to tell where the germs lead,” said Cynthia with a smile. “Fortunately, I can help you. I’ll keep your nose pinched shut like this haha,” Luna laughed amiably, but I could tell that the young girl was maybe enjoying Luna’s twitchy discomfort a bit too much. “Try only to sneeze when you feel that the germs are in the air. You must hold back your regular allergy sneezes!”

            I looked at Luna and she nodded her head. While not good at holding back on her own, with Cynthia’s assistance, Luna would be able to stave off her influx of sneezing from the allergens of the barn. It’s not a full proof plan, but it was worth a shot. You see, a reaction caused by a sneezer sends Luna into a type of sneezing fit that is completely involuntary: much like the truth is forced out of a guilty mind, Luna’s sneezes are forced from her.

            “Eh…eh…,” Luna began breathing in deeply, but this just then Cynthia began moving her finger under Luna’s itchy watery nostrils back and forth in a sawing motion. Luna’s upturned nose is quite large for a woman of her diminutive height, so Cynthia was forced to use two fingers to stifle Luna’s urge to sneeze. Either way, the process was working. Luna snorted and sniffled, but the allergy sneezes were abated, for now. Less could be said about Cynthia’s own allergies.

            “Hetchi, hetchi, hetchi, he-eshhhhh!” Cynthia sneezed her standard volley of four and then sniffed moistly. Her hands were both so busy messaging Luna’s nose that she struggled with her own ability to cover her sneezes. “Hetchi, hetchi, hetchi, he-eshhhhh!” Cynthia sneezed again. Her allergies were starting to make her great oceanic eyes turn a shallow red. I could tell the poor girl was suffering, but even still, there was some light whimsy in her eyes.

            “Hetchi, hetchi, hetchi, he-eshhhhh! Ugh…James…sniff…I could use some help with my nose,” She smiled over at me.

            I looked at her with a desperate confusion. She couldn’t mean…help her with her sneezes? “Er…um… how…would I…” I began to trail off, but Cynthia’s smile spoke more volumes then the next thing that came out of her mouth.

            “Well…snort…I’m so awfully sneezy…snort. Would you mind holding my nose while I’m busy with Miss. Achool hehe?” She giggled, but I could see that it was a calculated question. What was this young beauty getting at? Still, it wasn’t like me to leave a poor sneezy damsel in distress. After all, it would be ungentlemanlike.

            As I was making up my mind, I caught a flash of Luna’s green eyes. There was no kindness there, and behind her incessant sneezy expression, behind the clear fight she was having with her nose, I could see something else. Was it jealousy? This would be interesting.

            “Hetchi, hetchi, hetchi, he-eshhhhh!” Cynthia sneezed again, and I realized that the only way to make any progress would be to help the poor, beautiful woman hold her sneezes back. I positioned myself behind Cynthia, and wrapped my fingers around her nose. For the first time, I could see the truest effect her allergies had on her. Her dainty nose, wriggled in my fingers, and snorted back volumes of snot. Her face seemed to twitch as a whole with her nose as if her nose was controlling her facial muscles. She sniffled wetly. Constantly. It was mesmerizing. And yet, the smell of a sweet perfume wafted into my nose which soothed me just as much as it aroused me. Whatever Cynthia was planning, I’m sure she was doing well at it.

            “ngxt…nxgt….he-nxgt…he-nxgt.” I wasn’t holding Cynthia’s nose tight enough, and she stifled an allergic quad of sneezes. The force of the sneezing sent her round bottom back into my groin. “Oops…sniff…haha.” Cynthia giggled with embarrassment, yet she didn’t move forward. She just stayed in that precarious position. I was having trouble controlling my excitement at this point, and I think I was breathing heavy because Cynthia got another jab in. “What’s the matter, James? Why do you look so flustered?” She cooed, and almost seemed to push herself back farther on me. If this didn’t stop soon there was going to be more than hay needing to be cleaned up.

            “Akngxt! Akngxt! Akngxt!” Luna shot forward with three stifled sneezes, ending my discomfort. She looked at me with upset, yet allergic eyes. She had found the trail to our sneezer’s grave. Now we were on the move.

 

[SneezeloveronGirls]

I love the descriptions of the girls Noses. I DO wonder what Cynthia's Plan is here. I have a funny feeling that things will go Haywire and if the "Germ" is anything like the Common Cold then it will spread FAST once someone is infected. I'm getting suspicious as to just WHY that Sneezer gave up just as she was about to catch Cynthia. Victory was in her grasp and then she just gave up? Part of me is thinking that this is some kind of trap for Luna which when you think about it kind of makes sense word of some young woman exorcising Sneezers would have gotten around, not to mention the sheer potential for eavesdropping being a Ghost would give you. The Sneezer could have easily been eavesdropping on Cynthia when she made her Phone Call seeing as it was Cynthia herself that got her attention. The other Cases didn't have the potential victim as the client meaning that they were much less likely to be eavesdropped on so they were caught off guard. I love how you wrote this and feel really invested in this story that I can't wait to see what happens next.

[JohnnyOxn]

The creativity behind this story is amazing. I hope to read more someday!