Cold Incubator (Silicon Valley - Gilfoyle, M)

[Jota]

Hi guys! It's been forever since I posted on here 😭

I was looking through the notes app on my phone earlier today and found this Silicon Valley sickfic I'd started FOREVER ago, probably 2017 or so. I wanted to add more but never got around to finishing it. But if I didn't know that, I personally don't think the current "ending" is too bad (a lil abrupt but), you might see it as a cheeky lil one-shot lol. I figured I may as well go ahead and post it here for any fellow fans of the show instead of letting it rot in my notes app for another 4 years! 🤣

I only watched up to about season 3 I think, so we'll say it's set somewhere in the first couple seasons--when Pied Piper is still operating out of Erlich's house ("The Incubator"). For the time being this is all I'll have to post on this story, but who knows, if I start watching again sometime I may come back to this! So lmk if anyone's actually interested enough! Without further ado...  (P.S. explicit language warning!!!)

 

Cold Incubator

"Ooh, ooh! Look at that, I'm gonna win!" Dinesh exclaimed, clutching his controller and bouncing from his chair. Him and Gilfoyle sat in their respective seats on the back to back couches. Gilfoyle just smirked and jammed through the right combination of buttons. 

"What the--" Dinesh recovered and dodged the attack, striking back. "Waaiit, I'm still winning! I'm winning!!" Gilfoyle was prepared to prove him wrong again, cooly countering his blow and-- 

"EGH'shhuh!" He ducked into his shoulder, gripping the controller. He blinked and snapped his attention back to the screen, only to find his character dead. Dinesh cackled, spinning around to rub his victory in his co-worker's face. Gilfoyle refused to look at him, eyes glued to the T.V. screen instead. 

"Yep, that was cheating." He deadpanned. 

"What? No way!" Dinesh gestured at his screen. "You're just butthurt because you lost." Now Gilfoyle turned around, elbow propped up on the back of the couch.

"If I hadn't so generously sneezed just then, you would've never beat me." he glanced sidelong at him, just to watch his reaction. "You're welcome." He added. Dinesh's triumphant expression grew flustered.

"Oh really? Let's go again, I'll kick your ass twice as hard." He spat.

Gilfoyle raised a brow and settled back into his seat, restarting the game. 

"Hey, uh, guys?" Richards voice was heard from the doorway. 

"One sec Richard, I'm kicking Gilfoyle's ass." 

"Welp, can you pause it, Dinesh?" He popped his "P"s, sounding impatient. "I kinda, need your help with..." Richard trailed off, lips pressing together at the realization he was being fully ignored. Gilfoyle then erupted with smothered laughter as Dinesh started banging the controller against his lap. 

"How did you even do that?!?" Dinesh roared, as his character flew backwards through the air. 

"Keep watching." Gilfoyle snorted cockily.

"Guys." Richard piped up. Neither guy in question paid him any mind.

"What the hell?! I'm serious, Gilfoyle, show me how you did that!" 

Richard moved for the power button.

A loud and vocal, "EP'shehh! HP'shhh!" sounded from Gilfoyles' direction, causing Richard to leap back so far that he almost fell. Dinesh cackled and pointed at Richard, one hand clutching his stomach. 

"Jesus Gilfoyle, you scared the--" he stopped. "Oh no." 

The other man's ponytailed head bobbed up from its previous position, buried in his elbow. He quirked a brow. "Oh no?" 

"Please tell me you're not getting whatever Erlich’s got." 

"Okay." He replied as Richard's forehead creased. "I'm not getting whatever Erlich's got." He said simply, propping his feet up as he turned his attention back to the widescreen.

"Alright, so, uh, in that case, you won't mind helping me babysit Erlich?" The smaller man suggested hopefully, eyes flicking between the two on the couch. Dinesh and Gilfoyle shared a glance, thinking about it.

"How about you ask Jared?" Gilfoyle suggested, already preparing to restart the game. "He does a decent job of babysitting you." he added on casually. 

"Jared's at Raviga, or I wouldn't be ask--hey, wait a minute!" Richard placed his hands on his hips, decidedly stomped over to them, and unplugged both of their controllers. 

He tried his best to sound authoritative as they protested. "Look, I'm serious. I need you guys. Now. Erlich's being..."

Dinesh let out a sigh and finished for him. "A little bitch?" 

"Um, well, yeah, pretty much." 

The pair reluctantly stood and joined Richard.

 

Meanwhile, Erlich gurgled a huge hit from one of his countless bongs, which predictably led to a drawn out coughing fit as everyone filed into his room. He wheezed, grabbing onto Gilfoyle's shirt. The latter stared ahead, eyes heavily-lidded, and let himself be used for support. When the coughing finally subsided, he raised that one exasperated brow, asking, "You done?" Erlich nodded as he choked out the end of the fit and released his grasp. 

"Are you guys here to end my suffering?" he blinked at them hopefully, propping his bong up in his lap. 

"Erlich, what?" Richard rubbed a hand over his brow, seemingly fed up.

"I'm dying, Richard. This is my deathbed. You're stood over my deathbed, and this is how you speak to me? Like I'm some kind of burden?" 

"Well--" Gilfoyle began.

Richard cut him off and sighed, "All I said was what." 

"Erlich, aren't you at least a little better by now? I mean you've been sick for like, a week." Dinesh pointed out casually.

"Dinesh, I am a dying man. I know it's hard to accept, but you have to face it." He leaned back on his bed, but not without putting on a full show. He leaned back, wincing in pain, cradling his bong, and coughing pitifully. This received more than a few eye rolls.

Just then, the sound of the front door was heard. 

"Jared!" Erlich commanded immediately, eager to have his willpower-less caretaker back. "Can you bring me another pillow?!" 

Jared fumbled at the door, replying, "uh, let me set my stuff down, just one second!" 

"Hurry, Jared! My time here is limited!" 

"I'm gonna go say hey to Jared!" Dinesh quickly used this as his chance to escape from the room. 

"Yeah. me too." Gilfoyle gratefully followed. Richard watched them enviously, looking back to Erlich and inching towards the door. "uh, be right back!" And with that, he slipped out of the room as well, albeit in a much more panicked fashion than the others. 

 

"Hey Jared," Dinesh passed the gangly man in the kitchen, clapping him on the shoulder. "He's all yours." 

Meanwhile, Gilfoyle had paused in the hallway, suddenly overcome with the urge to sneeze. He pressed his knuckles to the underside of his nose and tried his hardest to fight it. Despite his efforts, the tickle worked its way out, and with force.

"EGH'SHEWW!" He stumbled into the wall, bracing himself as another ripped out. "EP'SHEHH!" 

He looked up, seeing Jared round the corner, and opened his mouth to speak. His nose, however, had other plans and his eyes glazed over again. Still braced against the wall, he ducked his head for a final, "H'PSHeh!" 

"bless you!" Jared always spoke too chipperly for Gilfoyle's taste, but the latter sniffed and muttered his thanks anyways. Jared stopped in his tracks and did an up-and-down before asking, "hey, are you feeling alright?" 

"JARED!" The both of their heads snapped towards the direction of the yell -- Erlich's room. "I NEED PILLOWS." Gilfoyle gladly took the opportunity to escape and smirked at Jared. 

"Have fun with that." He shouldered past him and went to join Dinesh in the kitchen. 

"So, how long are you gonna keep this up?" Dinesh propped an elbow up on the counter and rested his chin in his palm, eyeballing Gilfoyle with a look of pure amusement. The question surprised the other man, but as always, he kept it concealed. 

"Keep what up?" It sounded more like a disinterested statement, rather than a question. Gilfoyle disappeared behind the refrigerator door, snagging a beer. Safely hidden from his friend's line of sight, he fought off another impending sneeze. And failed. Twice. 

Goddammit. 

He pushed his glasses back up with disdain. These sneezes were getting itchier and more demanding, if possible, with each desperate expulsion. A veil of spray from the forceful sneezes lingered in the light from the refrigerator.

"That. How long are you going to keep that up?" 

"I'm not sick, if that's what you mean." He cut straight to the point, hoping to appear casual as he popped off the lid and took a swig of his beer, followed by a discreet swipe at his relentless nose.

"Hey, I have no problem standin' by as you belittle your health." He eyed the alcohol slyly. "Its kinda fun watching you try and hide it, honestly." 

“Mhm.” was the only response his ponytailed best friend offered, mouth intentionally still occupied with beer. Dinesh's bemused smile faltered slightly, replaced momentarily by a look of confusion.

"Really, what's the point though? It's not like you, passing up an opportunity to get out of working for a couple days." 

Gilfoyle lowered the bottle from his lips, pausing before deciding to give in. "I'm not interested in getting quarantined in a room with Erlich either." His words were laced with impending dread. "I can barely take his bitching from this end of the house." Another swig. Dinesh's grin stretched wider at the notion, no doubt imagining Gilfoyle's misery. None of them had a high tolerance for the owner of their "incubator," as he liked to call it, but especially not when he was sick and whiny.

"Now that, I would love to see that." Dinesh snorted. With a threatening look from the taller man, he jeeringly added, "Fine, your secret's safe with me." And made no attempts to hide his devilish glee. Gilfoyle promptly stood from where he had been leaning against the counter, eyes rolling at the kick his friend seemed to be getting out of this. Too tired to protest the existence of such secret, he moseyed from the kitchen and towards his room, hoping for some privacy from these idiots. 

 

When Guilfoyle woke up, his head ached dully and his face felt totally clogged. What time is it? When did I fall asleep? He threw the covers off and stood up, immediately regretting it when his head started to swim. Not to mention, the quick transition from warm blanket to air-conditioned bedroom gave him instant shivers and one strong itch in his already stuffy nose. He gripped the bed post in anticipation and— 

“HUH’Gshhp! Ugh’tshew!!” These ones were wet, uncontrollable, and borderline messy. He grappled for something to blow his nose in, but instead had to settle for hiding the lower half of his face inside his shirt and fumbling to the bathroom. Once he’d gotten himself fixed up and ruined a few sheets of toilet paper, he went to open the door and came face to face with Richard. 

“Oh, hey buddy, sorry, I - uh,” he fumbled awkwardly.

“Richard, can I get by?” Guilfoyle offered no patience and gave his classic heavy-lidded stare. 

“oh! yeah, yeah.” he stepped aside for Guilfoyle to trudge past. Richard stared after him for a moment, taking in his tired appearance. “Hey, are you alrigh—“ but Guilfoyle quickly cut him off.

“I’m great, go to the fucking bathroom already.” 

“Yep, okay,” Richard nodded rapidly and shut the door.

Guilfoyle sniffled grumpily without looking back, and made his way to the kitchen for more beer. He cracked open another bottle, just happy to be left alone again. 

[silentdreamer789]

Nice!