Accidentally Outed to my Wife

[GeoffreyShawcross]

I've always been lucky enough to be comfortable with my relationship to my sneezing fetish. I've always enjoyed it as a little quirk, a treat that makes my day a little better. Hearing someone sneeze is a turn on, and hearing/seeing one in the wild (so to speak) has always been a thrill.

But I've never wanted, or felt the need, for it to creep into my personal life. I've never felt any desire to tell a previous girlfriend, or the woman I'm now lucky enough to call my wife. I'd not want them indulging it for me in anyway, because I know that would make me uncomfortable. 

With all this in mind, I've never told my wife about the fetish, and have been totally fine with that. But two weeks ago, at 3am, my wife woke me up to ask-

 

"Why do you have a sneeze fetish? And why have you never told me?"

 

She'd been unable to sleep, and so had used my phone to play an audio book (we use each others phones all the time and we're totally fine with it, so it wasn't an invasion of privacy). But the last page I'd visited before bed was this very site, and so my wife's eyes were opened to this part of me I'd kept secret.

 

Having her ask me this, so suddenly in the middle of the night, made me think I was going to be physically sick. After a brief explanation I had to go through to the bath and sit on the cold floor as I felt so hot and sick. I struggled to really explain myself, as it had all taken me by surprise, but after a while she went back to sleep.

 

Since then, it's never arisen in conversation, and things have largely passed by. Apart from at the weekend, when we were discussing another couple we know who'd broken up due to one keeping a secret from the other. And my wife made the observation that I've still not really opened up about the whole fetish thing. 

 

But the thing is- I'm really really fine with it just being a little thing in my own head. I fear she'll either find it uncomfortable and odd, or worse try and indulge me. I just can't stand the thought of it for some reason.

 

I'm not sure what I'm hoping for from this post. I just wanted to share my story about being outed, as it had been stressing me out for a few weeks and I just wanted to share with people who'd understand. 

[Mario]

I know this feeling. I told my wife about my fetish deliberately, not accidentally, but I know that sick feeling, and I am in the same boat as you when it comes to not wanting my wife (a non-fetishist) to indulge me. Look at it this way: the hardest part is already over. She knows, and you didn't have to work up the courage to tell her about it. But she wants to have a conversation with you about your fetish, and you need to have it.

And yeah, it's gonna suck, and be intensely uncomfortable. But if it helps, it is clear your wife knows this. She's not forcing the issue; she's just gently reminding you that she wants to talk about it, and she's letting you come to the conversation in your own time. That, to me, suggests that she is willing to do her best to understand this part of you without judgment. If she's willing to do that, then you owe it to her to be honest.

[Chiguy]

4 hours ago, GeoffreyShawcross said:

I've always been lucky enough to be comfortable with my relationship to my sneezing fetish. I've always enjoyed it as a little quirk, a treat that makes my day a little better. Hearing someone sneeze is a turn on, and hearing/seeing one in the wild (so to speak) has always been a thrill.

But I've never wanted, or felt the need, for it to creep into my personal life. I've never felt any desire to tell a previous girlfriend, or the woman I'm now lucky enough to call my wife. I'd not want them indulging it for me in anyway, because I know that would make me uncomfortable. 

With all this in mind, I've never told my wife about the fetish, and have been totally fine with that. But two weeks ago, at 3am, my wife woke me up to ask-

 

"Why do you have a sneeze fetish? And why have you never told me?"

 

She'd been unable to sleep, and so had used my phone to play an audio book (we use each others phones all the time and we're totally fine with it, so it wasn't an invasion of privacy). But the last page I'd visited before bed was this very site, and so my wife's eyes were opened to this part of me I'd kept secret.

 

Having her ask me this, so suddenly in the middle of the night, made me think I was going to be physically sick. After a brief explanation I had to go through to the bath and sit on the cold floor as I felt so hot and sick. I struggled to really explain myself, as it had all taken me by surprise, but after a while she went back to sleep.

 

Since then, it's never arisen in conversation, and things have largely passed by. Apart from at the weekend, when we were discussing another couple we know who'd broken up due to one keeping a secret from the other. And my wife made the observation that I've still not really opened up about the whole fetish thing. 

 

But the thing is- I'm really really fine with it just being a little thing in my own head. I fear she'll either find it uncomfortable and odd, or worse try and indulge me. I just can't stand the thought of it for some reason.

 

I'm not sure what I'm hoping for from this post. I just wanted to share my story about being outed, as it had been stressing me out for a few weeks and I just wanted to share with people who'd understand. 

Nightmare scenario that happened to me about 20 years ago. My then wife found this site up on our computer. (We still shared a computer … that’s how long ago this was 🤣)

Fortunately, it was not 3AM. And when confronted, I said the link was something a friend had sent about bizarre stuff on the Internet. 🙄

She seemed to buy it … a bit reluctantly. But she used to have big hay fever fits around me and that never happened again. 
Hope it works out for you.
 

[haymaker]

Re Accidentally Outed my Wife and Chiguy's post - both very similar to my situation: I think it was 22 Years ago, I stupidly printed out some stuff and left it lying around 🙄 My wife's reaction on finding it was to shake her head and mumble something under her breath (I think it was 'what's this crap'), but nothing more, and to her credit she has never mentioned it again, even when we've had a major row. 

I too have never wanted her to indulge me, I just wanted to enjoy her fabulous sneezes...surreptitiously. 

I really wish I'd not been so careless, because her sneezes are more inhibited now, but alas, the cat is well and truly out of the proverbial bag 😐

Edited June 17, 2022 by haymaker

[Chiguy]

2 hours ago, haymaker said:

Re Accidentally Outed my Wife and Chiguy's post - both very similar to my situation: I think it was 22 Years ago, I stupidly printed out some stuff and left it lying around 🙄 My wife's reaction on finding it was to shake her head and mumble something under her breath (I think it was 'what's this crap'), but nothing more, and to her credit she has never mentioned it again, even when we've had a major row. 

I too have never wanted her to indulge me, I just wanted to enjoy her fabulous sneezes...surreptitiously. 

I really wish I'd not been so careless, because her sneezes are more inhibited now, but alas, the cat is well and truly out of the proverbial bag 😐

Printing! 🤣

We’re old timers now, my man. When I first found this site and others like Tarotogal in the late ‘90s, I used to print stories, too. What were we thinking?!

Such a different time. I couldn’t believe I wasn’t the only one like me. 

Yes, after that, even if they “officially” don’t know — they know. Never the same, is it?

Edited June 18, 2022 by Chiguy13

[RB]

Happened to me too. Twice, sort of. First time, she went looking for a floppy disk (yes that old) and managed to find one I thought I’d hidden with the old newsletter on it.  She was laughing at it, so I laughed along and said I didn’t remember it, so I must have seen it somewhere and saved it for later but forgotten about it. She believed that until she saw something else (I forget what now) on the computer. I couldn’t laugh it off this time. It was a thing. We don’t talk about it. We’re still together for 30+ years, so it’s possible to survive it without it becoming something you have to share. I sympathize with the feeling ill part. Probably happened to me too at the time. My sympathies. 

[starstorm00]

wow. you have guts, I give you that. I’m a closeted gay so I can’t relate to having a wife but if that were me in that situation, I probably would have shot myself in the head right then and there. I’m sorry to be crass but I cannot have anybody know about this, I just can’t. It’s amazing to me that you are okay with it, and I’m happy for you.

 

What happens if I’m hanging out with a friend who knows? They’ll be afraid to sneeze in front of me or smirk when someone sneezes around me. Nobody even knows I’m gay. No. I can’t do it. It’s a beautiful thing we share, all of us here, but if anybody knew, especially my best friend I’ve been crushing on for the longest time. I’d honestly rather have people find out I’m gay than know about this.

[haymaker]

On 6/18/2022 at 1:36 AM, Chiguy13 said:

Printing! 🤣

We’re old timers now, my man. When I first found this site and others like Tarotogal in the late ‘90s, I used to print stories, too. What were we thinking?!

Such a different time. I couldn’t believe I wasn’t the only one like me. 

Yes, after that, even if they “officially” don’t know — they know. Never the same, is it?

Indeed Sir - all true.

The excitement of discovering that you're not the only one can be highly intoxicating.  

This, understandably, may not be fully appreciated by those who have grown up with the internet. But for most folk born in the 50's, 60's and early '70's, who have endured that feeling of confusion right through the most active period of their sexuality, it has been a revelation.            

I remember reading 'Diary of a Sneeze Fetishist' over and over and it was the printing of selected pages that got me busted. 

So, in an attempt to excuse and forgive us all, it is almost inevitable that either sooner or later a mistake will be made that will lead to our 'downfall'

What is perhaps more scary to contemplate, is that our subconscious minds may have been responsible for this 'error' in judgement.

Edited June 22, 2022 by haymaker

[SFDON]

A similar situation happened to me a couple of months ago. I think my Fiancée may have been using my phone and saw this website opened. She never questioned me about it, but started to mention her allergies more and will actually send me videos of her sneezing, which I love. She has a good sense of humor and is easy going, so I never was worried about telling her and didn’t really feel the need to tell her. I don’t mention it an neither does she, besides sending me videos and I like it that way. Guess I got lucky in this situation.

[CheekyGuy]

Ultimately, while one should not necessarily expect a partner to participate in a fetish, if they can’t accept you for having it, then they don’t really accept you as a person. 

[Chiguy]

On 6/22/2022 at 4:56 AM, PepperDrew said:

Wow, so sorry this happened to you...it's my absolute worst nightmare to have my husband find out that I like sneezing lol. About 10 years ago I had a casual bf sleeping over after hooking up. It was 4am and I still couldn't sleep so I started watching vids in the other room and one thing lead to another as they say. Well I was in the middle of, um, "polishing the pearl" to a sneeze vid, headphones on, eyes closed. I was right on the edge, looked up and suddenly in the mirror next to the computer screen there was my hookup standing there in the open doorway, watching me flick it, eyes daring from me to the sneeze vid I was finishing to. Then he ran back to bed with it saying anything. I was mortified. He left that morning without saying anything and of course we never called each other again haha 😕 

Whereas you would have been my dream woman. 😂

The universe has a random sense of humor. 

 

[Chiguy]

On 6/18/2022 at 2:53 PM, haymaker said:

Indeed Sir - all true.

The excitement of discovering that you're not the only one can be highly intoxicating.  

This, understandably, may not be fully appreciated by those who have grown up with the internet. But for most folk born in the 50's, 60's and early '70's, who have endured that feeling of confusion right through the most active period of their sexuality, it has been a revelation.            

I remember reading 'Diary of a Sneeze Fetishist' over and over and it was the printing of selected pages that got me busted. 

So, in an attempt to excuse and forgive us all, it is almost inevitable that either sooner or later a mistake will be made that will lead to our 'downfall'

What is perhaps more scary to contemplate, is that our subconscious minds may have been responsible for this 'error' in judgement.

 So true. 
It has to be very hard for those born after about 1985 to understand what it was like to have this fetish. 
You just presumed you were warped, and no one else could ever be like you. The Bondis and Tarotogals who put out those early sites were so brave.

I’ve often wondered if they knew there would be others or it was just a personal creative outlet. 

[cjblo]

Interesting topic. I am a gay man from way before 1985 (in fact: that was the year I came out). I wasn't outed as far as my (noseblowing) fetish was concerned, but decided early in my now 28-year relationship that I was not going to secretly enjoy or suffer. There is no choice: what I like is what I like. It may be odd, peculiar, perverse, but then again most sexual preferences are. Who decided what is normal within a relationship of two people? So I thought: if you like me to do this, I like you to do that. And we found a way. I would not be able to continue a relationship with such a vital thing being my secret only. Obviously this is not a topic of conversation with friends and family, why would it be? If someone gets off on huge breasts covered in whipped cream, that is not a topic of conversation either. But within the security of a 

So why not indulge one another a bit? Who else will do it?

Anyway, some thoughts about the matter....

[GeoffreyShawcross]

I finally broached the topic with my wife this evening, and it was enlightening! She was very open and understanding about it all, including me making it clear its not something I expect her to indulge me in.

 

Something yhqy did make me laugh is the revelation that she thought I was solely turned on by my own sneezes, and so had taken to congratulating me on particularly loud or powerful sneezes recently. I'd noticed it occasionally, and thought it a little weird, but hadn't realised my wife was actually making a gentle attempt to engage with what she assumed I enjoyed.

[Chiguy]

On 6/27/2022 at 10:37 PM, PepperDrew said:

Thanks, that's nice to hear haha. At the time I really didn't know I liked sneezing, I would be drawn to watching vids or hearing audio of people sneezing, and next thing I knew I'd be flicking it and I'd always finish so fast, like in just a few minutes, then I'd never think about it and go on with my day. Which is why I think it's so ironic that he caught me, I literally was flicking it for a minute or two before I went over the edge. I vividly remember the look on his face, me wanting to jump up and close the screen sooo bad but I was right in the middle of finishing and just couldn't stop it...I just remember it seeming to go on and on forever and wishing I could make it stop. Then the second I was done and scrambling up he ran away. I still get so embarrassed thinking about it lol. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if it was a different guy who had caught me haha...

He probably had no idea what you were watching. Probably just figured his performance was sorely lacking. 🤣 I bet he's more embarrassed than you.

Part of me thinks I'd be cool about it and offer to "fix the problem," and part of me thinks I'd slink away in embarrassment like him.

 

 

 

[Saimou]

On 6/17/2022 at 4:30 PM, GeoffreyShawcross said:

"Why do you have a sneeze fetish? And why have you never told me?"

Does she seriously expect you to be able to explain the REASON for your fetish ?!

[Saimou]

On 6/18/2022 at 1:02 AM, haymaker said:

I really wish I'd not been so careless, because her sneezes are more inhibited now, but alas, the cat is well and truly out of the proverbial bag 😐

I really don’t get, why she would subdue her sneezes now that she knows. If anything, as your wife (= romantic / sexual partner), she should feel FLATTERED that you find her sneezes hot. 

[haymaker]

2 hours ago, Saimou said:

I really don’t get, why she would subdue her sneezes now that she knows. If anything, as your wife (= romantic / sexual partner), she should feel FLATTERED that you find her sneezes hot. 

Hmm... This is not an easy question to answer in a few words.  My wife's reaction to discovering that I am a sneeze fetishist was not particularly 'good'  Lets face it, this fetish is considered by many as being pretty odd, or even extremely weird.  She hasn't rejected me, but she has chosen never to mention the subject again and that is a course of action that totally suits me as well.  However, I think it has made her feel rather self conscious about her sneezes being loud, violent and sometimes wet and so she has, at times, appeared to control them. She is not the kind of woman to ask me if I'd like her to induce.. and thank fuck she isn't, because I really wouldn't want her to. That is not how I want to enjoy her sneezes.  And of course I find her attractive in lots of other ways.  Me being busted has dislodged the very nice 'Cherry-on-top' a bit, but thankfully not all the time😉

[Saimou]

17 hours ago, haymaker said:

Hmm... This is not an easy question to answer in a few words.  My wife's reaction to discovering that I am a sneeze fetishist was not particularly 'good'  Lets face it, this fetish is considered by many as being pretty odd, or even extremely weird.  She hasn't rejected me, but she has chosen never to mention the subject again and that is a course of action that totally suits me as well.  However, I think it has made her feel rather self conscious about her sneezes being loud, violent and sometimes wet and so she has, at times, appeared to control them. She is not the kind of woman to ask me if I'd like her to induce.. and thank fuck she isn't, because I really wouldn't want her to. That is not how I want to enjoy her sneezes.  And of course I find her attractive in lots of other ways.  Me being busted has dislodged the very nice 'Cherry-on-top' a bit, but thankfully not all the time😉

Well, that kind of makes sense. It’s also good that it’s not all the time that she controls her sneezes 😉.

[Saimou]

On 6/18/2022 at 9:53 PM, haymaker said:

Indeed Sir - all true.

The excitement of discovering that you're not the only one can be highly intoxicating.  

This, understandably, may not be fully appreciated by those who have grown up with the internet. But for most folk born in the 50's, 60's and early '70's, who have endured that feeling of confusion right through the most active period of their sexuality, it has been a revelation.            

I remember reading 'Diary of a Sneeze Fetishist' over and over and it was the printing of selected pages that got me busted. 

So, in an attempt to excuse and forgive us all, it is almost inevitable that either sooner or later a mistake will be made that will lead to our 'downfall'

What is perhaps more scary to contemplate, is that our subconscious minds may have been responsible for this 'error' in judgement.

Even though I was born in 1992, and thus, am quite a bit younger, than some of you ”old-timers”, I can still identify with that sentiment better, than well. For one, back in my childhood, in the ’90’s, the Internet was not prevalent, at all. For two, even, when it had become prevalent, I’ve lived most of my life in a system, where even reading the Wikipedia independently was punishable (usually with a corporal punishment), because it was seen as being full of Western propaganda (especially, pages dealing with certain topics and individuals, like Comrades Lenin and Stalin); and thus, my exposure to the Internet has always been pretty limited; not that I really minded too much, because I was always for ”Rahvaus”, and against decadence and Western pop-”culture”; but you can imagine my reaction, when I first discovered my first sneeze video on YouTube (GlassHeart5’s .wav: ”Thirty Sneezes In A Row”), and then, following that rabbit hole, eventually discovered the Sneeze Fetish Forum. Ah! Good times. 

[Tucker]

I hope it brings everything a little closer. I’ve been honest in all relationships about my ‘sneezy thing’ and all of them embraced it. I realised that it’s so much of a bigger deal for us, than it is for them. I’ve never told any of them the degree of how important it is to me, but all well aware of it. As long as it doesn’t just become the only way you can get intimate, all is good. 

[sneezelover(f)]

Something similar happened to me very recently.

I recently moved in with my GF having lived on my own before and I didn't realise I'd left my YouTube account logged into the TV. You can guess what happened the first time she decided to watch YouTube on that TV... I'm just glad I wasn't there when she did! 

 

The first time we spoke after (ie when I came home), she casually told me about some big sneezes she'd done earlier to gauge my reaction, but like you OP, it's not a massive deal to me so I didn't get too excited. After that she began to hide and stifle her sneezes around me like a few other posters have described. That led me to figuring out what had happened. She never confronted me on it directly and after a couple of weeks of me majorly downplaying her sneezing, I think she became more comfortable with the idea of the fetish. I think she was weirded out and self conscious about randomly doing something she thought I'd find sexual at first.

 

We still haven't had a direct discussion about it, but every now and then she'll joke that I like her sneezes and has also indulged me. She's also stopped hiding/stifling around me so I guess I got lucky.

 

Give it time I guess, I hope it all works out. If you're anything like me, hopefully it'll be some small weight off your shoulders as well now that she does know.

[Navair26]

You know you want to please her and make her happy. Do things that turn her on. Maybe she wants to know so she can do stuff to turn you on. Maybe she wants to try something different and wants to learn what about it so she can support your fetish..

[Chiguy]

4 hours ago, PepperDrew said:

Idk, I mean he was fast (like 5 mins) but I definitely finished with him a couple times and he already knew that I need to flick it a lot soo...also I know he was looking right at the screen, and it was just a vid of girls faces, sneezing over and over sooo...yeah lol I think he knew

He probably ran home, Googled it … and ended up here

🤣

[Saimou]

On 8/4/2022 at 12:23 AM, Saimou said:

I’ve lived most of my life in a system, where even reading the Wikipedia independently was punishable (usually with a corporal punishment),

By ”independently”, I mean: ”Without Party surveillance”.