Story research: need help from people familiar with dating apps

[RedVelvetHeart]

Hi everyone! I'm starting to write up a story that formed in my head ages (like 20 years) ago. There's a key part in the beginning where the main characters meet on a dating app but I have never used one!! I need some input on the mechanics of it so it makes sense.

It's based on something I actually did way back in the day when craigslist was a local site in the Bay Area and was actually a fine way to meet non-sketchy people. I created a post in the personals casual connections section titled "Got a cold?" And I explained I had this harmless little kink, and if they had a cold they should reach out to me and tell me all about it, and I would offer them sympathy (maybe more). I actually had some really sweet online interactions this way. It was a nice bit of fun before craigslist started going rapidly downhill.

So in the story as originally written, the main couple meets up this way. She has the fetish and does this same type of post. He has been widowed for a year and he's not ready for a relationship (specifically his kids are not ready to see dad with someone new) but he's lonely, not to mention wants sex. One night he has a cold and is just kind of scrolling through out of boredom and loneliness, not really thinking he's going to do anything about it, and he sees the "Got a Cold?" post. That's how it begins.

So I could place the story in the past but I'd rather bring it up to date. A big reason this story has come up for me again is the topic of widowhood since I just lost my husband (to cancer, same as the wife in the story). It's so strange to feel like I can empathize with this character i invented 20 years ago all over again. So while I could create a dating profile to do my own research, I'm not about to do anything like that yet.  Soooo my main questions are:

• Which dating app could work best for the story? My thought is that my character's friend convinces him to set up a profile and look for someone to hook up with, no strings attached. Which is not really him, but...
• Dating apps are based on profiles, not posts, right? So is there any way someone could do something like this? How would it work? Something that's an essential part of the profile? Please feel free to get creative with any suggestions.
• When people connect on dating apps, is all of the messaging in-app texting? Are there options for audio or video chatting in-app? or do people trade phone numbers at some point?
• How do kinky people looking for casual connections keep their activities private? Like, the profile has a name and photo, right? Which is visible to anyone with the app including employers? I don't super need to solve this one, we can suspend disbelief I think....but my female character is career oriented and I would like it to make sense if I could.

If there is a better part of the forum to post this in, please let me know. Thanks in advance for any help or input!!

[Sneeze-aholic]

On 5/29/2023 at 4:18 PM, superimmunegirl said:

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I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. 

Sounds like an intriguing idea for a story. I've only used Bumble so I can tell you how that works, but there are probably other platforms that would work better or create your own with what you need on it. 

On 5/29/2023 at 4:18 PM, superimmunegirl said:

• Dating apps are based on profiles, not posts, right? So is there any way someone could do something like this? How would it work? Something that's an essential part of the profile? Please feel free to get creative with any suggestions.

On Bumble you have space for a few photos, a name and a 'tag line' for want of a better word. You also have a choice of tags. Such as looking for a relationship/fun etc.   Your character could use the text to spell out what they're looking for. 

 

 

 

On 5/29/2023 at 4:18 PM, superimmunegirl said:

• When people connect on dating apps, is all of the messaging in-app texting? Are there options for audio or video chatting in-app? or do people trade phone numbers at some point?

On bumble once there's been a match the woman has to message first and the man has 24h to reply or the match vanishes.  There's text, add attachments such as photo/video files and once both sides has messaged there's also a video call function within the app.  For safety, I never traded phone numbers until after an in person meet-but was often offered a WhatsApp number within a few messages. 

 

On 5/29/2023 at 4:18 PM, superimmunegirl said:

• How do kinky people looking for casual connections keep their activities private? Like, the profile has a name and photo, right? Which is visible to anyone with the app including employers?

I guess if the profile is semi innocuous then what happens after a match is between the two who matched. Someone from work would also need to browsing profiles to see it.   If you reject their profile when you see someone you know them they wouldn't match with you to start a conversation. I guess those wishing to be overt on their kinks would be on a specialist platform. Name can be a first name only and the photos could be cartoon/avatar /somehow disguised. Though I wouldn't have swiped on these personally, I reverse image searched everyone I met to check out what they'd told me. 

 

 

[RedVelvetHeart]

Thank you @Sneeze-aholic! That's really helpful. I have been checking out youtube videos on how the different apps work but hadn't looked at Bumble. The tag line feature could be helpful. I think I have figured out good ways to adapt and modernize the story. I appreciate the info!

[Sneeze-aholic]

Glad you've found what you needed! 

It really does sound intriguing where you could go with this.