Secret Santa: for Blah-San (F)

[Sawyer]

Oh man, oh man. I haven’t written (or read) anything Fullmetal Alchemist in SO LONG. But! I still love it. Still, though, I might be a little rusty… forgive me if there’s a hint of OOCness! Regardless, though, I’M SUPER EXCITED.

Here you are, Blah-san! Since it is technically Sunday over here now!

-

Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye was tough; strong; independent. Self-reliant. Unmovable, with the most iron of iron fists when it came to discipline. She kept everyone in line without even a hair out of place, and her immense skills made her seem almost inhuman at times. Not to say that she didn’t have a soft side, or was unable to show emotion entirely – she just chose to keep a particularly hard exterior, especially considering the bias toward women in the military that was not dwindling nearly as fast as she would have liked.

However, Riza Hawkeye’s regularly cool composure didn’t keep her from slipping now and again.

“Ha’AETschtt!”

On clear and crisp Monday morning in the dawn of spring, Colonel Roy Mustang had been receiving the beginnings of many bouquets from one of his plethora of adoring young women. He was young, he was powerful, he was striking – why wouldn’t he wind up with an admirer or twenty?

The bouquet was sitting comfortably atop his desk, a striking assortment of roses and tulips and daisies and the like. Flowers were only just beginning to bloom, but it didn’t mean girls wouldn’t use what they had sprouting in their gardens to express their unrequited affection.

Not like it wasn’t appreciated. Mondays were boring anyhow.

“Huh! Hp’CHSHHhah!”

This time, he’d had enough warning to sneak a glance at the flaxen-haired lieutenant, whose head snapped up just as quickly as it had bent down, and in an instant she appeared as composed as she would have been otherwise.

Not a hair out of place.

“Gesundheit,” he remarked.

“Sir,” she acknowledged, but gave no further response. The colonel might have suspected embarrassment on her part – that or he was just imagining the subtle pink color staining her cheeks.

And they’d begun to work. Mustang filing his reports and Hawkeye supervising. He could see, peripherally, that she would wrinkle her nose on occasion or hold a bothered expression, but not once did she sneeze again. Or sniffle, for that matter. Which was really a shame when he thought about it, because seeing such a normally rigid woman lose control was beyond alluring.

“NNtschh!”

Spoke too soon.

“Excuse be,”

“Feeling alright, Hawkeye?”

“Fide, sir.” A relatively liquid sniff followed, and the ebony-haired alchemist raised his eyebrows skeptically.

“You sure?”

“I’b p… positive –huh’STCHHieh! Aht-SCHtt!”

Both sneezes seemed almost bitten off in an attempt to suppress them. Then again, that was Hawkeye; always yearning for control. One shouldn’t expect anything less.

“You’re staridg, sir.”

“It wouldn’t happen to be this delivery, would it?” Roy inquired, gesturing to the vibrant bundle of flowers.

“Pardod?”

“That’s making you sneeze,” he clarified.

She furrowed her eyebrows. “Just sobethidg id the air,” she insisted.

As if.

Regardless, he allowed her to continue feigning health and comfort for a while longer. She fished a handkerchief out of her pocket and used it as quietly as she was able, although Roy was long aware of her transparency

“HddtSCHHuu!”

That one seemed to get away more easily than the others had, followed by a slight, relieved and unmistakably feminine squeak hitched to the end of it. Roy saw her cheeks redden.

“Bless you,”

-

And! That one’s done. Pointless and plotless but… well, it’s enough, isn’t it? And since it was only about five-hundred words, here’s the second half of my gift!

-

“Aaaaaah-SCHTIEW!”

The explosive eruption rang throughout the tower, and each titan was easily able to pinpoint the source.

Sniff! “Ah! …CHIEWWWW! I seeb to be allergic to sobethidg.”

“That’s for sure,” Raven commented dryly as Starfire entered the living room, charred tissue in hand.

“It’s not metallic chromium again, is it?” asked Robin with a twinge of panic in his tone.

“Doe,” Starfire assured him, her voice weary. “It bight… bight be… ah!”

Raven and Robin, the room’s other two occupants, shared an alarmed glance. It was evident that the Tamaranian girl was gearing up for another destructive sneeze. Immediately, Raven created a small force field around Starfire’s head as she winced into the sneeze, bending at the waist as she did so.

“Aaht-SHIEW!”

Her crimson hair became immensely frazzled, but no further damage was done. Raven dissipated the force field.

“We should probably locate the allergen,” Robin reasoned, “otherwise Star’s going to destroy the entire floor.”

Starfire sniffled an apology before her breath hitched audibly again. Luckily, Raven was quick enough to generate another force field before Starfire could launch into another fit of unmistakably girly sneezes.

“Ah, ah! Ah… uh… ah-TCHIEW! ChhhIEW! Aaaah… aht’SCHUU!”

One explosion after another left Starfire once again bent at the waist. Robin lamented that although Starfire was strong and skilled in battle, her personality was very sweet and gentle. Despite this, she let her sneezes go unrestrained, loud and harsh, almost like her powers. Still, the vocal aspect of each sneeze was entirely feminine, much like Starfire herself.

“Aaaah…CHIEW! Uhhh.”

Raven took the relieved sigh as her cue to disperse the force field, and Starfire sniffed liquidly. Her ruby-red locks were in a state of chaos, an effect of each disastrous sneeze.

“We did get a new sofa the other day…” Robin mused. “It’s leather. You aren’t allergic to that, are you?”

“Leather’s made from cows, isn’t it?” Raven cut in. “How did you get Beast Boy to agree to that?”

“He doesn’t have to know,”

Starfire blinked and sniffled again. “Leather…?”

Robin patted the seat next to him, prompting the sneezy Tamaranian to sit. Immediately, she exploded into a massive fit of loud, combusting sneezes.

“Guess Beast Boy’s not the only one opposed to animal skin,”

-

LOL BAD JOKES AND BAD ENDINGS I’m so terrible at endings. And at… plots. At all. Still, though! I had fun writing these. I hope you liked them!

[Blah!?]

Aw, thanks so much! Both endings are brilliant, and your characterization was spot-on! More than I ever could have hoped for.

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Hmmm.... the flowers our dashing Colonel receives bother Hawkeye? What a fortunate bonus!

Why didn't the writers of the series think of that?

And our dear allergic Starfire. Hmmmm....

Brilliant fics! I love them.

[LeapYearKisses]

Ooh, both of these are awesome, but I particularly liked the FMA one.

[ooo]

I don't know anything much at all about Fullmetal Alchemist but I thought these two ficlets were super-cute! I really like the way you spell your sneezes

[Demosthenes]

Yes, very well characterized. You basically pulled out the reasons why people like these characters so much. Thanks!

[Sawyer]

AAAAHH! You guys are SO NICE. I wasn't particularly proud of either of these but SERIOUSLY thank you for making my day. Blah-san, I'm so glad you liked them! I'm always super anxious before posting stuff. XD

You all rock SO HARD.