Allergic to Christmas? (James McAvoy, Allergies, Secret Santa for PurpleRawrz)

[Dusty15]

Alright, alright....I was trying to hold off a bit because I didn't want anyone to feel pressured, but I can't wait!! Here's my SECRET SANTA for the lovely lovely PurpleRawrz, who requested a James McAvoy allergy fic. Now, I must say this was an incredibly difficult request for me

So, without further ado, here you go! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I really enjoyed writing it!

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ALLERGIC TO CHRISTMAS

A Secret Santa fic for PurpleRawrz

by Dusty15

Happy holidays!

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As a child, James hadn’t particularly liked Christmas. His family was not terribly well-off and when he did ask Santa for the expensive toys he admired in all the adverts, he never received them. And it wasn’t just the gifts that disappointed him about the season; he didn’t even really admire the décor. His grandparents always put up a fake tinsel tree that he hated and his stocking was a ratty old thing that perpetually tore at the heel each year.

But this year was different; he had his son and his lovely wife and a bright future for his career. And to top it off, he had a Christmas movie coming out that made things all the merrier. Yes, it looked like this Christmas might be the first he’d looked forward to in a long while.

He straightened his bowtie in the reflection of the limousine window and ran a hand through his thick hair, mussing it up a little. It was the night of the New York premiere of Arthur Christmas and he was about to go do the press line and join the rest of the cast and crew for a little gala to celebrate the film’s opening. Anne-Marie had stayed in London with their son, as James was only in the States for a brief period before he was to return home for the holidays.

Stepping out of the limo to a blinding display of camera flashes, he made his way down the line, guided by his press agent, Pam. After a dozen or so brief interviews, he joined the other actors for a series of group photos before heading into the gala. The room had tables dressed with green table cloths and large centerpieces with oversized candy canes. Promotional images from the film were printed on banners suspended from above and between every few tables or so, a fresh Christmas stood, decorated with sparkling ornaments and fake snow. The smell of fresh pine was overwhelming, far overpowering the hors d'oeuvres being passed around by waiters costumed as elves.

He paused to admire the décor, looking closely at one of the trees and laughing at the ornaments with his character’s grinning face emblazoned on all sides. Several animators stopped to say hello as he made his way to the dinner table where he was seated with the other stars of the film.

As he unbuttoned his suit jacket and accepted a glass of wine from a waiter, he felt a strange tickle in his nose. Wrinkling it in irritation, he attempted to quell the itch. It felt bizarrely like the beginning of an allergic reaction, but he had no major allergies other than to horses, and there were certainly no horses in the ballroom. He’d occasionally had a few sneezes from mold while shooting on location for ‘Atonement’, but it didn’t seem like there’d be any of that around either.

Brushing it off as a result of going from the chilly press line outdoors to the warm ballroom, he sat down at his place and made idle chit-chat with Bill Nighy, who was seated to his right. A soup course came around and still the itch in his nose would not abate. Casually, he pressed a knuckle to one side, pushing in his nostril to scratch at the irritation.

“Fresh parmesan?” a voice asked. He looked up to see a waiter holding a cheese grater over his soup bowl.

“Err, sure, thanks,” he stuttered distractedly, his Scottish brogue slightly higher than usual as he struggled against the itch.

“And how’s the little one?” someone across the table asked him. The film’s director looked at him expectantly.

“Oh, he’s lovely, thanks,” James replied, pushing a knuckle to his nose once more. His eyes were beginning to feel equally bothered and he blinked twice, feeling tears gathering at the edges. “We’re excited to celebrate the holiday with him.”

A small cough caught in his throat as he spoke and he cleared his throat.

“Pardon me,” he said, sniffling a bit. His nose was now beginning to run. Shit.

“Are you okay, James?” Imelda Staunton asked from across the table. “Your eyes look a bit red.”

“Aye,” he replied, blinking again. “Something in the air’s got to me; must be the weather or something. Or too much taxi smog outside.”

His fellow actors laughed at the idea as James turned his head away. The itch was now unbearable and he shut his eyes tight, raising his arm to shield his prominent nose with the sleeve of his tuxedo.

Urhhh’tsgffftt!

A tickly, throaty sneeze burst out, muffled by his arm.

“Bless you!” several people exclaimed.

“Thanks,” he said, embarrassed. Keeping his head turned, he tried to sniffle quietly while pawing at his prickly nose, but the sneezes were not finished.

Hurhh’tsgffft!

The second sneeze is more insistent, tearing out of him with a loud and wet explosion.

More blessings were offered around as he fumbled in his jacket pocket for a tissue, coming up empty handed.

“Here, mate,” Hugh Laurie said, handing over a fresh handkerchief. James took it with an embarrassed flush and wiped his nose, wriggling the cloth with a grip on his nostrils, trying to finish off the itchy assault.

Ehhh…hehht’sghtttt!

The handkerchief didn’t help matters as he sneezed once more, his eyes watering at the edges. The last time he’d suffered allergies like this was during a particularly lengthy scene on a horse for ‘The Conspirator’.

“Could it be the trees?” Hugh asked sympathetically. “My wife can’t be within a few meters of one without it setting her off. We’ve always had fake trees.”

“But I’m not allergic to them outdoors,” James said wearily, wiping his beleaguered nose with a more gentle touch. His nostrils were beginning to ache from the irritation.

“Doesn’t matter,” Hugh said. “It’s the mold, apparently.”

“The mo-” James began before his breath caught and he turned away, succumbing to another onslaught of sneezing.

Heh…ehh…et’sghtt! T’shghfttt! Eh’tsgh-KSGHTT!

The last sneeze left him drained and he leaned back in the ballroom chair.

“I’ve been around them back home though,” he said, nose wriggling rapidly as he sniffled back congestion that now clogged his sinuses.

“Could be something only in the States,” Hugh said.

“Or the candles,” Imelda added, gesturing to the pine-scented pillars that burned around the table’s centerpiece.

James knew from his experience with allergic reactions to horses that these few sneezes were only the beginning. A generally private person, he didn’t relish the thought of having a full-out allergy attack in the middle of a premiere gala, especially with photographers milling about and the inevitable chit-chat he’d be forced to endure with guests after dinner.

“If you’ll all excuse me, I’m going to pop out to the washroom and see if I can get this under control,” he said with a liquidy sniffle.

Pushing back his chair, he made a fast bee-line for the men’s room, clutching the handkerchief to his face in a desperate attempt to stop any more sneezes from slipping out publically. A photographer tried to stop him for a snapshot on the way but he managed to excuse himself in a congested voice, pushing past a crowd of minglers waiting for cocktails at the bar.

Thankfully there was a few private washrooms in addition to the larger public ones, and James slipped behind an open door, shutting it and moving to the sink where he turned on the cold water and tried to splash some in his eyes to relieve the irritation.

Breath coming in ragged gasps, he scrubbed furiously at his large nose, cursing it aloud as he saw his reflection in the mirror. Both nostrils were pink and wet-looking, and his eyes were bloodshot. Unlike his wife who always seemed prepared for these unexpected emergencies, he had no antihistamines or tissues with him, so he settled for discarding Hugh’s sodden handkerchief in favor of a roll of toilet tissue, pressing a wad to his face as a sneeze built up.

Huhhh’tgh’KSGHTT! Ehh’tsGHKT!

The spasms were increasing in force and he leaned heavily against the bathroom wall, bracing himself for the full attack.

Blinking away tears, he reached in his pocket for his mobile and punched buttons to scan through the menu, looking for his publicist’s number. She’d be nearby, having just guided him through the press line, and he desperately needed someone to come to his rescue.

PAM- HAVING ALLERGIC ATTACK TO TREES AT PREMIERE (I KNOW, I KNOW- RIDICULOUS). CAN U BRING MEDS AND CALL DRIVER FOR PICK UP? XX- JAMES

He hit send as another onslaught of sneezes built up, causing him to bend fully at the waist as he burst out.

Huhh’tsss’GKSHTTT! Hehh’TSGHT!

Tears streamed from his eyes as he soaked the toilet tissue, tossing it blindly aside and unfurling another wad.

Huhhrr’tsh’SGHTT!

His mobile buzzed and he squinted through blurred eyes to read it.

J- OF COURSE. BE THERE AS QUICK AS I CAN. HANG IN THERE MATE. – P

Darling Pam, he thought. She could always be counted on to come to his rescue.

Sitting on the edge of the closed toilet seat, he blew his nose wetly as tossed another sodden tissue into the rubbish bin just as another sneeze came-

Ehh’tsght’ghkk!

He pinched his nose, managing to stifle the end, hearing the congestion squelch in his sinuses with a thick gurgle.

A knock on the washroom door interrupted his allergic misery and he looked up, cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

“Someone’s in here,” he replied hoarsely.

“You okay in there?” a voice called. “Sounds like a lot of sneezing.”

“Um, fine,” he replied. “Sorry, can you use another washroom?”

“Yeah, no problem. Just checking; sounded bad in there,” the voice replied before disappearing.

James shook his head, feeling very silly in his current state. He hoped the passerby hadn’t recognized his voice; the last thing he needed was some rumor about doing cocaine in the washroom of a premiere or something.

His mobile buzzed again and he glanced down at it, sniffling back more congestion that pooled in his nose.

HEY MATE- HOW GOES THE PARTY? RAN INTO MATTHEW IN LONDON- SAYS HELLO. WILL I SEE U OVER THE HOLS?

Michael Fassbender’s cell number was displayed over the text. James punched in a reply, hitting send.

NOT TERRIBLY WELL - ALLERGIES! WHO KNEW I WAS ALLERGIC TO MOLDY AMERICAN XMAS TREES?!

A minute and three sneezes later, the phone buzzed a reply.

ALLERGIC TO CHRISTMAS TREES? U REALLY ARE A FRAGILE LITTLE BUGGER EH? JK- HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER. CATCH U WHEN U R BACK IN UK. –M

Rolling his eyes, James buried his nose in another bunch of toilet tissue, catching another ticklish sneeze.

Uhh’tsghkt!

Keeping his hands steepled over his nose, he bent forward in another mini-attack, his body shuddering with each throaty outburst.

Uhhh..huhh’tshh’TSGKTT! Ehh’tsGHKT! Ehh….hehhh’tSGHTTTT!

His phone buzzed one more as the fit subsided and he checked his texts, finding a new one from Pam flashing on the screen.

IM HERE- WHERE R U?

He texted his reply-

IN THE LOO IN THE HALL BEHIND THE BAR AREA. SECOND DOOR ON LEFT. THX.

A moment later, a soft knock echoed on the door.

“James? It’s Pam.”

He stood up, wiping his scarlet nose and quickly checking his reflection to make sure he didn’t have any lingering congestion on his face. He opened the door to allow his publicist to enter. She was carrying a plastic bag from a local pharmacy.

“Oy, you look awful,” she said with a small laugh as she handed over a box of allergy medication and a pocket pack of tissues.

“Thanks,” he drawled, opening the blister pack of medicine and popping two pills into his mouth, cupping his hands under the faucet to get some water to swallow them.

“The driver’s bringing the car out front. I’ve made your excuses to the event coordinator and Sarah,” Pam said, referencing the film’s director. “Your cast mates said to pass on their good wishes.”

“I’m not dying,” he teased, opening the packet of tissues and blowing his nose with the softer cloth.

“Hugh said to drop of the handkerchief before you leave though,” Pam said with a grin. “He wants to auction it on eBay.”

James groaned and shook his head.

“He’s nuts,” he said, raising a fresh tissue to his nose as he felt another tickle build.

Huhrr’tsghkttt!

“Bless,” Pam said. “Let’s go, sneezy. I’ve switched your flight to earlier in the morning so we can get you home faster. I texted Anne-Marie and she’ll call you when you’ve stopped sneezing long enough to chat.”

James sneezed in reply.

Ehh’tgghktt!

“Alright, no more blessings,” Pam said, clapping him on the shoulder good-naturedly. “Let’s go and you can sneeze your way back to the hotel.”

James nodded gratefully.

“You’re a lifesaver, Pammy,” he said, pocketing the packet of tissues and the remaining allergy medication.

“That’s what you pay me the big bucks for,” she said, opening the washroom door for him.

“Remind me to tell Anne-Marie we’re putting up a false tree this year,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “I don’t want to take any chances.”

“Done and done,” Pam said, opening the door of the event hall as they exited into the chilly November air and went to the waiting car, carefully avoiding paparazzi by leaving via a side door.

James settled into the deep leather car seat, succumbing to another sneezing fit as Pam went back inside to retrieve his coat from the event’s coat check.

Ehh’tsghktt! Hehh’tsghkt! Ehhh…ts’ghktt!

His mobile buzzed once more and he glanced down at the screen.

HI LOVE- PAM MESSAGED ME. SORRY YOURE FEELING POORLY. TAKE CARE OF THAT BIG NOSE OF YOURS AND I’LL GIVE IT A KISS WHEN YOURE HOME. XOXO <3 A-M.

He grinned, pinching his nose as congestion flooded his sinuses. The car door opened and Pam slid in with his jacket in hand.

“What are you smiling about, allergic James?” she asked, laughing.

“Oh, nothing,” he said, turning off his mobile and pocketing it. “Happy to be heading home for the holidays.”

[Purple]

Dear Dusty,

I love you.

The end.

<3

[Ciuty80]

that was AWESOME HOT!!!

[DogLover]

Wow, that was awesome. The only problem is now I feel pressure to get on with mine...

Anyway, your James is lovely as always.

[Spoo]

I more or less gave you a personal commentary as I read this, so you already know how I feel. HOWEVER! I'll gladly publicize my feelings:

That's about it. You're amazing, Dusty!

[LeapYearKisses]

Oh man, that was lovely! I don't usually like RPF, but this is a perfect exception to the rule. And you're so fast! ^^;

[Purple]

DUSTY I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF

LOVE SO MUCH LOVE

oh, here's a picture that could go with this story.

[Dusty15]

Oh my god, Purple, it's PERFECT! And I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Thanks to all the others for the sweet comments, too! I don't usually like RPF either, LeapYearKisses, but I make an occasional exception for James

[count tiszula]

Excellent as ever. I love the cameos, especially H Laurie! [Eton and Selwyn]. I expect it was an OE hankie......or a light blue one........same thing really....

[Purple]

Every time I re read this, it gets better.

Allow me to list the things that made me bite my fist in order to keep from screaming.

1. Bloody all of it!

2. An Atonement reference. Oh dear LORD. He never looked as gorgeous as when he was filming that movie.

3. You managed to tie in Anne-Marie and Michael Fassbender! *tears of happiness*

4. Desperate fits. O_O <3

5. YOUR WRITING IS MAGICAL

6. I find it really ironic, as I am allergic to mold and horses as well. Blahaha!

7. DUSTY YOU ARE MY HERO <3

[Spoo]

I have to say, my favorite part was where James was paranoid about cocaine rumors from people passing by, hearing him sneeze in the bathroom! Premiers are breeding grounds for celebrity falsities!

[Purple]

This still makes me as happy as it did the first time I read it.

I just... I can't.

[Purple]

He hit send as another onslaught of sneezes built up, causing him to bend fully at the waist

Keeping his hands steepled over his nose, he bent forward in another mini-attack, his body shuddering with each throaty outburst.

I cannot read this without becoming unusually numb in...places...

I feel like I need to do some art/ illustration to go along with this. May I have the authors permission to do so?

[happybunny]

this is just, literary genius. I enjoyed every bit of this. Can't wait to read more stories from you! your amazing!! <3