Welcome to Night Vale: Cold and/or Flu Season (M)

[Mercury]

A/N: I've only recently got into Welcome to Night Vale thanks to Nova's adorable artwork, but I had to write something because the idea wouldn't get out of my head. I had it half done, ready to move onto more important writing with deadlines and such, then I read Spoo's awesome story and this thing wouldn't let me move on until I finished and posted it.

It's most likely not accurate. I normally wouldn't write for a fandom I'm not 100% familiar with, but I kinda had to here. I've only listened to about half of the podcasts because I can't multitask while I listen to them (his voice is too hypnotic, i just end up staring blankly and listening) so I hope they're okay.

Either way, please enjoy.

Cold and/or Flu Season

'The Night Vale health department would like to remind citizens that cold and/or flu season has arrived again. Please check your mailboxes regularly for your cold and/or flu assignments and bodily secretion colour charts. Those who fail to turn up for their mandatory cold and/or flu shot will be taken to the abandoned mind-shaft for indefinite ‘quarantine’.

Now; the weather.'

...

Even though Cecil was usually at work every day, as the news waited for no man, the radio station was still being decontaminated after Terrence the intern had experienced a particularly bad reaction to his flu-shot. No one was allowed in the building, but it had coincided nicely with Cecil’s scheduled cold, and he would make a point to thank Terrence on-air for his consideration for his fellow co-worker.

Terrence’s horrific reaction to their virus injection, the council had reassured the radio host over the phone, was not a deliberate move on their part to shut down the radio for a few days. And, if it was, it was to gift Cecil with time to nurture his cold and participate in the appropriate rituals, and not, in any way, to prevent any broadcasts about the Councils actions that will, or won’t, occur over the next few days.

Cecil, with a handkerchief clamped around his dripping nose and the pride of a third and a half generation Night Vale resident, ignored the implication and, instead, accepted the reward with a practiced ignorance.

He would mention the Council’s generosity when he got back to the station, and allow the people of Night Vale to draw their own conclusions.

Until then, Cecil planned to spend the day curled up under the scaled sheets of his bed, blowing his nose as he burred himself deep under his duvet. The darkness there reminded him of the creeping shadow that used to lurk in his bedroom when he was young, and tucked him into bed when his parents worked late. It was comfortable and familiar.

He buried his nose in his handkerchief.

“Ehk’Tisshhh! Heh... Kh’ITCHHH!”

There were no medications in his cabinets, as everything bought during previous cold and/or flu seasons ended up confiscated by the Health Department. Personally, Cecil thought it was just a ploy to guarantee that the community had to continuously buy the expensive medication.

But it was good for the economy, and consuming expired medication was never a good idea.

Cecil slowly crawled from his cocoon of softness to jot down the thought on a small, illegal, memo pad. It would be a good thing to mention when he got back on the air.

“Hehhh...” Half flopped off the bed, Cecil felt a moment of panic at the rising nasal sensation when failed to find his handkerchief. He had paid a lot for his bedding, the scales and feathers having come from the same animal, one that was killed during a particularly sleep-inducing ritual sacrifice, and he didn’t want to get snot over its shiny surface.

“Hehhh...” He sat up quickly and cupped his hands to his face. “Eh’Kitttchh! Hut’Tishhh! Heh... Heh’ETCHHHOO!”

He sniffled thickly and lowered his hands, leaving the mess on his face and nose for a disappointed moment.

He had always prided himself on having a sneeze that was not loud or quiet, not stifled or uncontrolled, but these were not measured with his usual balance, because they were wet.

It was slightly worrying, and he hoped the council had added a little something extra to the cold shot and it was not the start of a trend.

He gave his nose another blow, softer this time as he tried to coax the congestion from its depths with a calm yet firm hand.

Cecil believed he was close to succeeding in dislodging whatever demon spirit had been assigned to his nasal cavity, when there was a sharp knock at the door. It was not tapped in the familiar code of the Sheriff’s Secret Police, which caused another jolt of worry to creep through him.

He shook it off as he crawled from the bed. It was probably just someone else from the apartment building.

Mrs Gretsky’s son was a precocious scamp who often disappeared only to be found having removed and eaten all the light globes from the hallways and stairwells. He had taken on a light incandescent glow, which made him relatively easy to find, but it still always sent the boy’s mother into a worried frenzy, knocking on all the doors to see of anyone had seen him.

With a hand on the doorknob, Cecil gave another tired and curiously wet sneeze into the cloth folds, moped up the mess and congestedly mumbled the standard protection chant before opening the apartment door.

Instead of the quaint seven-eyed lady he had been expecting, Cecil saw perfection standing on his doorstep.

“Carlos!”

“May I come in, Cecil.”

“Always. I-I mean, of course. Come in.

The scientist executed a perfect wince as he stepped around the sickly man and into the apartment.

“You sound terrible, Cecil.”

“I-I...” The radio voice stuttered as his brain came to a stop. Never had anyone said something like that to him before. His voice had been described as many things, but never, ever had anyone said he sounded terrible.

His perfect Carlos thought he sounded terrible.

Cecil wanted to cry.

Then he realized he was still holding the door open to an empty hallway.

He blinked and turned to look at perfect Carlos who was now standing in Cecil’s kitchen fussing with the appliances.

“Why are you hehhh...” He turned away from Carlos, and his perfection, feeling an overwhelming embarrassment about the recent development with his sneezes, “Heh’Titchhhoo! Aktchhh!”

“’Scuse be.” He managed to mumble from behind the handkerchief as he turned back around.

Carlos was staring at him with perfect, sympathetic eyes. He crossed from the now operating and de-spidered kettle to rub his perfectly formed hand up and down Cecil’s arm.

“What were you assigned?” He asked in his beautiful ‘scientist’ tone of voice.

“I got a dub’er eighty-three.” He ducked his head away to give his nose a quick, unsatisfying blow, embarrassed about how his voice sounded now that it had been pointed out to him. He felt hesitant to show such imperfection in front of someone so perfect. The odd addition of wetness to his cold had kicked his Carlo’s induced self-conscious into overdrive.

“Good,” Carlos frowned, perfectly. “I mean, probably not good for you, you seem miserable, but I got an assignment that said I had to share from someone who had an assignment between seventy-two to eighty-nine.”

Cecil nodded in understanding, a bubble of hope fluttering in his chest like so many tentacles.

“You’re the only person I really know in this town, so it’s good that you’re available... to share, I mean.”

“Uhhh...” Cecil found he couldn’t quite form coherence. So he did something he never thought he would do with his sweet Carlos, and took a step away from the other man. He turned and pinched the bridge of his noise as his nostrils faired. “I... Ummm...”

“I’m not quite sure why the Council does this, but I don’t want to get them angry.”

Cecil rubbed his knuckles against his nose in what he was sure was an unattractive look. “Budget cuts.”

He kicked himself. He had written notes on the subject, surely he could have come up with something better. “Errr... the shahhh... sharing is because of budget cuhhh... cuts.” He gave his nose a desperate wiggle, which seemed to draw Carlos’s beautiful attention.

“You should be in bed.”

“It’s nuhhh... nod really thad bad. I had a dub’er one-oh-eighd lasd year and it wahHa’Dittchhhh!” he quickly brought his handkerchief up to his face, flushing with embarrassment at the unrestrained spray of his first sneeze, “Titchhhh! Hih’Atchhhisshh!” He sniffled thickly “I’b sooo sorry.”

“Bless you.”

Cecil glanced at Carlos, confused about the strange words that had expressed themselves so perfectly from Carlos’s mouth and what that could have possibly meant. He was about to ask when the kettle let itself be known.

“I was going to make tea,” Carlos started, and Cecil felt a thrill that the other man was so comfortable in his apartment, “do you wan- is that normal?!”

Carlos was staring with wide, perfectly concerned eyes at the handkerchief that was clasped loosely in Cecil’s hand.

It was wet, which was disgusting, and glowing a faint purple-orange colour, which the government issued colour chart said was ‘probably normal and most likely nothing to worry too much about.’

“Id’s fide.” A small smile spread across his face as he watched beautiful Carlos’s curious, yet slightly scared, expression.

“Maybe I should run some tests.” He mumbled, more to himself than anything else.

Cecil melted. ‘That’s so sweet!’ he thought.

“Ubbb... I’b sorry aboud by sdeezi’g.” He curled his hand to try and hide the soaked state of the handkerchief. “I probise they’re dorbally buch dicer thad this.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Cecil. People can’t choose how they sneeze.”

It was so adorable how the scientist still didn’t know anything about Night Vale, and Cecil found himself smiling goofily. “That’s a lovely thing to say. Thank you!”

“You’re welcome?” he reached up and ran a hand through his perfect locks, which caused the radio presenter to almost go faint. “You shouldn’t feel like you had to apologize; I know my sneezes are terrible.”

“I’m sure they’re perfect.” Cecil said, perhaps a touch too fast. He flushed.

Carlos looked down and shuffled his feet, “I suppose you’ll find that out soon enough. Would you mind my spending the day here with you so I can.” He gestured, “Catch a number eighty-three?”

“Sure!” Cecil took a modest step forward, “B-Baybe we should bake sure you’re infegded. You dod’t wadt to ubset the coudcil by bei’g healthy durig cold ad/or flu seasod.”

Carlos looked up and nodded, which caused Cecil’s heart to flutter.

“Best make sure.”

“Exagtly!” he took a step closer to the scientist. “the coudcil recobe’ds...”

He cupped the side of Carlos’s face and ran his thumb gently across the corner of the scientist’s perfect lips, which caused dark eyes to widen and for his to incline his head slightly.

Cecil started to lean in, but then went ridged as his nose started to betray him. “Doe!” he tried to protest through hitching breath, and he leaned to the side, keeping his hand on Carlos’s soft cheek.

“Heh’KITCHHHH! ATCHHHHOO!” he sprayed just right of Carlos’s labcoated shoulder.

Catching his breath quickly, Cecil turned back, ready to apologize.

But was interrupted but a sudden a pair of warm lips pressed against his.

And it was perfect.

[Spoo]

Oh. Ohhhh. There are SO many things I love about this, Mercury. SO MANY THINGS! To start off with, I love the idea of colds being 'issued'. Like, that fits Night Vale so incredibly well. And ajs;dkf;as;f the concept of people having to share their colds? That was a lovely touch! Also:

“You sound terrible, Cecil.”

“I-I...” The radio voice stuttered as his brain came to a stop. Never had anyone said something like that to him before. His voice had been described as many things, but never, ever had anyone said he sounded terrible.

His perfect Carlos thought he sounded terrible.

Cecil wanted to cry.

The poor BABY. That really tugged at my heartstrings.

Another thing I loved was the idea of 'Bless you' being a foreign and unknown phrase. You know, because Night Vale has their own creepy and unconventional policies, even when it comes to sneezing. Buhhh, it was all just so lovely and perfect. Especially Carlos. Always Carlos.

I'm not sure if you intend to leave this as a one-shot, but if not I'd love to see more. Otherwise, it was great. Thanks so much for posting it!

[Dye]

Oh my lord, that was positively, well.. Perfect. <3

[SpookyScarySkeleton]

OH MER GOD<3 that is amazing. I love the whole M/M. mhm hopefully contagion soon ^-^?

[iliketrains]

Nice story. Who knows what's going to happen next.... you know a couple of dates, marriage, honeymoon, boom, they'll probably have kids as well.

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

**squealing, exploding** this was amazing i am so happy right now thank you for posting you've made my night

[The Sneezster]

Fabulous! I crave more.

[SterlingSilver]

Props to Nova for prompting this LOVELY wildfire of Welcome to Night Vale. I still need to check out the fandom, but everything I see with Carlos and Cecil is just-... MMMM~ <3

Mercury, this is PRECIOUS~

Spoo quoted my favorite part <3. I literally cooed for poor Cecil QwQ..

And all the other things she pointed out were things I appreciated as well! Fantastic job here!

[Bruyere]

Oh wow! Council decreed cold sharing?! Absolute genius!

Considering you're only halfway through the podcasts I think you've done a great job nailing their voices and in getting those Night Valian touches down.

He would mention the Council’s generosity when he got back to the station, and allow the people of Night Vale to draw their own conclusions.

Hee!

[Parksborn]

Ahhh oh my god yeeesss. Night Vale has officially made it to the forum~

But ahh goodness this is so good. So good.

And the sharing idea is perfection.

[Sneezermissy]

Continue please!!!

[Glimmer]

This rocks! Please continue

[shingetsu]

This is...just..*drools* beautiful. I'm usually not a fan of the council, but in this case I'd make an exception. Awww, Cecil baby, I'm sure you're voice sounds PERFECT anyway. Like Carlos and his perfect hair and perfect kissing, and hopefully soon to be seen, perfect sneezing! Just imagine how great it would be for Cecil to host the radio with his cold...;P

[LeapYearKisses]

I'm really late in commenting, but I thought I would also tell you that this was amazing. ^^;

[*Dark_Side*]

Omg this story is perfect like Carlos. It should totally continue. I really need more of this story.

[K.Matsuri]

Excuse me as I sit here in a pile of mushy happy hearts...

You've nailed the style perfectly, and the interactions between Carlos and Cecil are just...so sweet (And I'm not one for M/M!) Even if it's not fetishy, I hope you'll continue to dabble in Welcome to Nightvale fan fiction in the future - I'd love to read it!!

[SomeoneRandom]

This is exactly what I've been looking for. The only way it could get any better is if it were 18+. Thank you!!