A Different Kind Of Dark Side (OHSHC - All)

[Not_Telling]

IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! THE FINALE IS HERE! And took freakin' forever to write...but nevertheless HERE!

So, a few things to address before posting this for you all to see. I mentioned this briefly on my drabble thread, but just in case you didn't get the memo, this will probably be the last story I'm posting for a little while. I have so many things going on right now and I simply won't have the time for it, but never fear! As soon as I clear some things off my plate, I'll come back with more stories! Pinky-pie-promise!

Now, two: I must tell you. This story will at some point be continued. I love this concept and there are so many twists and turns this kind of story can take with one like this. So of course, I can't just end it here! Besides, it would be a pretty crappy ending if that's really where I chose to cut it off...

And, three! I have another little tidbit for you guys that I'll post tomorrow. It's just a short, drabble-length kind of thing, but a little idea that I got that I'd still like to share with you~

ALRIGHT! Here we go. And tell me what you think!

***

Another day, another Host Club meeting.

Everyone sat around the table, the Hitachiin twins slightly further away from the others. They’d each caught a bit of a cold and didn’t want to pass it onto anyone else. It wasn’t anything serious, just an annoying cough and the occasional sneeze. Besides that, they mostly felt fine.

Kyoya opened his notebook while Hikaru was in the midst of a small coughing fit. The Shadow King pushed up his glasses. “Hikaru, would you mind keeping your ill-induced noises to a minimum? We’re trying to run a host club here.”

The redhead took a drink a water as Kaoru’s breath began to hitch.

“Hihh...heh...Haktchu!”

“Gesundheit.” Kyoya sighed, offering him a handkerchief. “Just try not to infect anyone else.”

Tamaki scratched his head in thought. “Yes, we certainly don’t want to disgust our guests with sick hosts…”

Honey raised his hand. “I think there’s some medicine in the closet, Tama-chan!”

“Ah, we’re fine.” Hikaru and Kaoru chorused.

Kyoya pushed up his glasses again. “That may be so, but I don’t suppose your distasteful coughing will at all be attractive to our guests.”

Tamaki got to his feet, raising a finger to the sky.

“I agree! Honey-senpai, you and Mori-senpai go get the cold medicine from the closet!”

“Okay, Tama-chan~” Honey giggled.

“Whatever you say, boss.” The twins shrugged indifferently.

“No, no, no! You’re doing it all wrong!”

**Powerful motor**

Suddenly, a platform from underneath the ground spiraled up into the room, carrying an excitable, cackling otaku on its surface.

“A-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!”

The otaku donned a fabulous pink bow on her head and a twisted smile to which some might refer to as ‘evil’, though in reality it was only the grin of an overly obsessive fangirl.

“Surprise! Your punctual and always-on-top-of-things Host Club manager Renge is here!” She twirled.

Kyoya wrote something down in his notebook.

“Actually, the meeting began fifteen minutes ago.”

Renge ignored him and hopped down from the platform. “Thank goodness I’m so responsible! You could have missed a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to really woo the ladies.”

“Woo?” Honey cocked his head to the side.

Mori shrugged.

The otaku paced around the room as she lectured them. “Really, you’d think that by now you would all know that girls are vulnerable to men with underlying weaknesses. If you keep going on like this, it’s only a matter of time before the girls get tired of you and stop coming altogether. That’s why you really need to play up your illnesses, do you understand?” She closed her eyes. “Because what better way to display weakness…”

- Pause for dramatic effect -

“...than by SNEEZING!!”

An awkward, confused silence followed.

“Sneezing?” Haruhi repeated.

“Sneezing?!” The twins exclaimed in unison.

“Did you say...sneezing?” Tamaki questioned.

“Why sneezing?” Honey pondered aloud.

Mori shrugged.

“An interesting notion.” Kyoya took notes. “Please continue.”

Renge clasped her hands together, her eyes sparkling as she fantasized.

“Oh, sneezing! The loss of control against a man’s will, the one force powerful enough that it can’t be held back, can’t be stopped, no! The only force that can effectively build up an immaculate storage of energy and release it all in one effortless, involuntary technique! Plus, bonus: it comes with a cute sound!”

“Sounds like you’ve got a thing for sneezing.” Haruhi winked.

Renge smiled cheerfully. “Well, maybe just a little. BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT!”

“Any chance we’ll be hearing the point anytime soon?” Hikaru mumbled.

“Yeah, seriously.” Kaoru assented.

The twins jumped back when Renge popped up directly in front of them.

“The point is…” She pressed a finger against Hikaru’s chest. “If you want to grab the attention of the ladies, each of you needs some sort of dark side.”

“But you already gave us dark sides…” Hikaru groaned.

“NOT THOSE DARK SIDES, YOU TWIT! Those are old and boring, and way past their time. You need a fresh dark side! A different kind of dark side! Each and every one of you!”

She peered around the room like a hawk before finally pointing at Honey.

“Let’s start with you!”

“UWAAA!”

“Do you deny that you have allergies?”

The loli-shota shook his head nervously. “They can get really bad sometimes...but only when I’m around puppies...I wish they weren’t so cute…” He hung his head.

Renge scoffed. “Ha! Well, you may have a cute face, but if you’re gonna go around complaining about your allergies, you’re no different than a baby. Therefore...you are now the cute-face who refuses to admit to his weakness!”

Cute-face In Denial!

“Mori, you’re embarrassed because of your unusually loud sneezes and always try to hold them back!”

Embarrassed Stifler!

“The twins both suffer from the same terrible cold and the only thing keeping them going is their own love for each other!”

Misery Loves Company!

“Haruhi tries to take care of everyone but since he’s a commoner he’s always dusty which only makes matters worse!”

Dusty Caretaker!

“And Tamaki, you pretend to be unphased by all this, but you actually have a secret fetish for sneezing that you’re hiding from the world!”

- Dramatic Pause -

“The Sternutophile!”

Sternutophile!

“T-The Sternutophile?” Tamaki stammered.

Renge giggled, turning to Kyoya.

“And Kyoya, you get to offer everyone fresh handkerchiefs! You can be...the Hanky Master!”

Hanky Master!

“Alright, then.” Kyoya pushed up his glasses. “Though I suppose ‘Handker-Chief’ may be a more appropriate title.”

Tamaki stumbled in the background. He sunk down to his knees, a spotlight shining on him.

“The ‘Sternutophile’...it’s so abstract...so intimate...so taboo...it’s perfect for me!”

“Oh, brother.” The twins rolled their eyes.

“Um, Renge-chan?” Honey hugged his stuffed bunny tight to his chest. “I know you said we’re supposed to be sneezing and stuff, but what if we don’t have to sneeze?”

Renge winked. “Don’t worry, I gotcha covered.” She snapped her fingers.

In an instant, a group of delivery men rushed in, carrying baskets of flowers, buckets of dust, a few tins of peacock feathers, packages of handkerchiefs, and a large cage.

“I took the liberty of going through all your medical records.”

The men began setting the baskets on the tables.

“The baskets are filled with daisies, dandelions, and chrysanthemums...I know the twins are pretty allergic to some of those. They might already be sick, but there’s no reason why we can’t amp it up a little! Plus, since Kyoya’s pretty much allergic to every flower besides roses and carnations, especially daisies, it’s a win-win!”

They unlocked the cage and opened it up, revealing a large, fluffy, old-looking dog.

“The dog is for Honey. I read that he suffers from ‘long, difficult-to-control sneezing fits when coming into contact with dog fur’.” Renge turned to the men holding the buckets of dust, her hair morphing into Medusa snakes. “START DUSTING HARUHI, MEN! AND THE ROOM!”

The dustmen frantically complied, dumping buckets of dust on Haruhi against her will. “You know,” she choked. “Usually when you dust something, you try to get the dust OFF the object!” A few of the dustmen began dusting furniture as well, ignoring Haruhi’s complaints.

Renge gave a delighted chuckle.

“I know you’re allergic to dust, Mori! That’s why I imported this dust from India, just for you! OPEN THE CURTAINS!!”

Sunshine fled into the room as the men obeyed her command.

“And that’s for you, Haruhi! I didn’t find anything under allergies for you, but I did discover that you’re a photic sneezer! Also, I think there may have been a mistake. Yeah, the system said you were a girl...”

“R-Renge…” Haruhi’s eyes squinted in reaction to the sudden light change. “Heh...Hik’shii! Hik’shew!” She squeaked. Tamaki scooped her up in a much too tight, over-excitable hug.

“HARUHITHATWASSOCUTEYOURSNEEZEISSOADORABLEITWASSOCUTEVERYCUTEAMAZINGLYCUUUTE!!”

Renge scratched her chin thoughtfully.

“Not bad, Tamaki. But you need to be a bit more subtle.”

Honey clung to Mori, the dog making him nervous. “R-Renge-chan...where did you get all this information anyway?”

Renge kicked a leg up behind her cheerfully as she threw her arms into the air.

“Kyoyapedia!”

Kaoru coughed. The rest of the hosts just stared at her.

“Wait a minute…Kyoyapedia?” Hikaru asked.

“How the hell did you get in?!” Kaoru exclaimed bewilderedly.

“Wait, the reader is confused.” Mori turned towards you, the reader. “Allow me to explain.”

He cleared his throat before continuing.

“Kyoyapedia is an online community with a stable member/visitor average of one user(s). Founded in 2002 by Kyoya Ootori, Kyoyapedia contains information on those whom Kyoya has been acquainted with as well as those whom he has not been acquainted with. This information includes: Birthdates, deathdates (if applicable), age, gender, height, weight, class, current living status, past living status, future living status, occupation, location of birth, average daily income (rounded to the nearest hundredth of a cent), address, contact information, relationships, connections with family, personality traits, personal accomplishments and failures, goals and objectives, medical records, criminal/disciplinary records, and academic records, to name a few. Each article contains the person’s full name along with a profile picture showing the person’s appearance from all angles. It is one of the most reliable sources for obtaining information about any and every human being, as it is constantly being updated. However, logging into Kyoyapedia is no easy task, unless one is the third son of the Ootori family. A user is not permitted to enter Kyoyapedia unless they know the password, which is changed daily at precisely 12:00 AM UTC. If the correct password is entered, the user must then enter the exact word-for-word dictionary definition of said password as defined by Kyoya. The user must be careful not to make any typing, spelling, or grammatical errors, because Kyoyapedia has access to the user’s computer webcam. If a mistake is made, the webcam will snap a picture of the user and a memo will be sent to Kyoya Ootori’s inbox, identifying them as the perpetrator. Kyoyapedia.org. An all-profit organization where the above average stalker can do his research.”

Mori turned back to the stunned hosts.

“I need water.”

“WATER! GET HIM WATER!”

“His voice must be killing him!”

“He’s never talked so much in his life!”

“Good job Takashi! You said your first paragraph! Uh, you’re okay, right?”

“Mori! How many times do we have to tell you not to strain yourself?”

“Please tell me someone got that on video!”

“WHERE IS THE WATER?!”

Finally, one of the remaining delivery men supplied Mori with a glass of water, to which he nodded his thanks. The rest of the hosts breathed a sigh of relief.

After the commotion had been settled and the reader was no longer confused about Kyoyapedia, Renge took a good look around the room, pleased with her work. “Take a nice, deep breath everyone!” She giggled. “I’m gonna go get something. Practice while I’m gone!”

And with that, the otaku skipped merrily out of the room.

When Renge returned, the hosts were hard at work, practicing their acts. She decided to check up and see how each of them were doing.

Nose twitching, Kaoru reared his head back, gradually taking in short, shallow breaths.

“Heh...he’hihh...hihh…”

“H’ktsh!” Hikaru sneezed.

“Hikaruuu.” Kaoru whined. “You stole my sneeze.”

Renge skipped over to the twins.

“And how are my ‘Misery Loves Company’ brothers doing?”

Hikaru rubbed Kaoru’s back as he coughed softly. “How’s this?”

“NO! NO! NO!” Renge shouted. “YOU HAVE TO MILK IT MORE!”

The coughing increased in intensity.

“NOT GOOD ENOUGH! MILK IT MORE!”

Kaoru hacked loudly. Hikaru chimed in with an equally overexaggerated coughing fit.

“Ew, okay. Not that much.” Renge took a step back. “You don’t want to gross them out.”

“We’ll work on it.” The twins said harmoniously.

Honey forced a smile as he gingerly pet the large dog. His taller cousin leaned in.

“Mitsukuni...you shouldn’t be so close to him.”

“W-Why? I-It’s not l-like I’m al-allergic to him...or anything...ha ha…” The loli-shota tried to look as fearless as possible; needless to say, it wasn’t working well.

Renge towered over him disapprovingly.

“What are you doing?!”

“AH! RENGE-CHAN!” Honey squealed. “I’m sorry, Renge-chan! This part is really scary! I can’t help it!”

“STOP BEING SUCH A BABY! YOU’RE THE GREAT MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA! YOU’VE TAKEN DOWN FIFTY GROWN MEN ALL BY YOURSELF AND YOU CAN’T EVEN HANDLE ONE DOG?!”

Honey whimpered. “But...but last time-”

“What’s the worst thing that could possibly happen?” Renge demanded.

The boy-lolita pondered this for a moment. “Well...I’ll sneeze a lot…”

“WELL, IF THAT’S IT, THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GETTING SO WORKED UP OVER! THIS SHOULD BE A PIECE OF CAKE!”

Honey brightened. “I do like cake!”

“That’s the spirit!” Renge’s eyes sparkled in excitement. She shoved Honey into the dog. “Now remember: deny, deny, deny!”

The otaku cackled and skipped away.

Haruhi weaved her way through the tables towards the Hitachiin twins, a tray of tea held carefully in both hands. Suddenly, Renge popped up in front of her.

“Flashlight!”

A bright light shone in the commoner’s eyes. Haruhi stumbled back in surprise.

“H-Hey...heh - Hik’shii!”

The tray slipped from her hands and it clattered on the ground, spilling tea everywhere. Haruhi shot Renge a glare. “Well, I guess I’ll clean this up, now.”

“You do that.”

“Heh’IKGSHH! H’KGSHU!”

The hosts turned their heads at the sound of Mori’s sneeze.

“Bless you, Mori-senpai!” The room chorused.

“Mori!” Renge berated. “The blush is good but you need to work on stifling your sneezes, sheesh!”

As she marched over to him and away from her, Haruhi breathed a sigh of relief.

Kyoya Ootori, your software has been perpetrated by Renge Houshakuji.

Kyoya Ootori, your software has been perpetrated by Renge Houshakuji.

Kyoya Ootori, your software has been perpetrated by Renge Houshakuji.

“Four hundred and twenty-seven memos,” Kyoya murmured to himself. “And only fifty-nine of them are from Hikaru and Kaoru.”

The Shadow King scrolled through his inbox, deleting all the memos. He opened a new tab and logged into Kyoyapedia so as to enhance security measures once again. Just as he was typing the password, that unmistakable tickle made a sudden entrance into his nose, sneaking up on him completely by surprise. He had no time to prepare and sneezed openly on his computer screen.

“Hitschuh!” Kyoya’s finger slipped during the sneeze and he typed the wrong letter. After wiping the spray off the screen, he checked his inbox. “Oh look, I have a new memo.”

Kyoya Ootori, your software has been perpetrated by Kyoya Ootori.

The screen showed a picture of Kyoya mid-sneeze, with a few small droplets dotting the camera lens. He began to delete it, but Renge shouted in his ear before he could.

“KYOYA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! THAT PICTURE IS PERFECT, DON’T DELETE IT!”

“It’s disgusting and I have no reason to keep it.”

“I’ll keep it, Kyoya! You should send it to me!”

“Too late, I already deleted it.”

“WHAT?!”

“Such a shame, too. If I hadn’t been so busy deleting all these memos, I may have actually considered diverting the direction of the sneeze to your lovely face.”

“My - My lovely...HUH? WHAT? SERIOUSLY, YOU’D DO THAT?!”

“Oh, well. I suppose it serves you right, for intruding upon my personal software.”

“BUT KYOYAAAA!”

“Please stop screeching in my ear, my eyes have already suffered enough, having to delete all these pictures of you.”

“Aw Kyoya, you don’t have to delete them if you really think I’m that pretty, teehee~”

“No no, my eyes inflict pain upon seeing your face.”

“But...but you said it was lovely!”

“I lied.”

Renge seethed in anger. Steam erupted from her ears. She took a deep breath and spoke calmly. “Fine then. Kyoya.”

“Yes, Renge?”

“Would you - please - practice your dark side act like the other hosts?”

Kyoya clicked away on his computer. “I don’t see how such a simple task as offering handkerchiefs would require practice.”

Renge ruffled his hair. “Oh, Kyoya, you’re so cute when you’re pretending to be oblivious! But seriously, cut it out. It’s not just the simple act of offering the handkerchief that makes it special, no! It’s the artform! Like in music or theatre or any other artform, handkerchief offering is a skill that requires precise technique and delicate handling. Every move must be carefully thought out! There’s the retrieval, grace and elegance is crucial here, not to mention wherever the handkerchief is stored, that’s a biggie...and then there’s the proposal! The way you present it, the way you enclose it within your grasp, the way you extend your arm out for them to take is all crucial! Let’s not forget the line, word choice is important when offering handkerchiefs, although sometimes saying nothing at all can be just as effective! And then...then there’s the final move...the acceptance! How you finally transfer the handkerchief from your possession to theirs is a wide category and there are all sorts of techniques you can try. Now, you could perform the classic hand-to-hand handkerchief transfer, but that’s pretty basic. If you want to be more advanced, you can always try the daring catch-it-yourself technique, although that requires lots of practice to be really effective. I myself am only a level fourteen handkerchief offerer, but with your refinement, Kyoya, I bet you could get all the way up to level twenty-seven! Now…”

Renge snapped her fingers and the delivery men dumped the packages of handkerchiefs onto the Shadow King’s lap.

“Start practicing!”

And once again, she skipped away. Kyoya sighed.

“Well, I suppose no harm can come in perfecting my skill.”

Tamaki paced back and forth around his own little section of the room, improvising a monologue of some sort.

“It’s always been confusing, hasn’t it? I never have understood why. Why they affect me the way they do. Why I have always found them to be so...intriguing. All I know is that they do affect me, in ways I could never find the words to describe. I can never tell anyone, never let anyone find out, for if even I can’t understand it, how should I believe that anyone else would? My worst fear is that not only will they not understand, but they will not accept. It is my darkest secret.”

Tamaki hung his head in dramatical remorse.

Renge applauded the prince’s performance. “Excellent work, Tamaki! You’re a lot better than I expected.” She placed a hand under her chin. “But it still needs something.” The otaku pondered this for a moment before it finally clicked and she pressed her fist against her palm. “Aha! I’ve got it!”

“The brush of a delicate rose under sensitive nostrils, perhaps?” Tamaki suggested.

“No, none of the hosts are allergic to roses. Speaking of allergies, I checked your medical records and you don’t seem to have any. However, we do have...these!” Renge pulled out a package of fancy toothpicks and handed it to Tamaki.

“What are these for?”

“ISN’T IT OBVIOUS?!” Renge shouted in aggravation. “IF YOU DON’T HAVE A STIMULUS, YOU MAKE A STIMULUS! YOUR DARKEST SECRET IS THAT YOU HAVE A FETISH FOR SNEEZING, BUT IF YOU DON’T EXPLORE THAT FETISH, YOU’LL NEVER BE A BELIEVABLE CHARACTER, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! Jeez, why are the handsome ones (besides Kyoya) always so stupid?”

Tamaki hadn’t heard her last comment as he was busily studying the toothpick he’d plucked from the package. “What am I supposed to do with this?”

The otaku’s hair turned back into Medusa snakes. “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO MAKE PEOPLE SNEEZE, YOU IDIOT!!”

“Fascinating.” He continued to study it. “Can I...make myself sneeze?”

Renge tapped his nose. “But of course you can! Increasing the feeling of mystery, what with you not just getting off on other people’s sneezes, but your own, will be MIND-BLOWING!!”

The prince brushed back his soft, golden hair. “Hm, alright. I’ll give it a try!” He inserted the toothpick into his right nostril. “Like this?”

“NO! NO! NO! YOU HAVE TO DELVE DEEPER!”

He jabbed it in deeper and instantly recoiled in the pain. “Yoww, that hurts!”

“NOT THAT DEEP! YOU CAN’T SNEEZE WITH A NOSEBLEED, THAT’S JUST UNSANITARY!”

Tamaki rubbed at his nose in pain before slipping the toothpick back into his nostril. Suddenly, his breath caught. “Luhh...like this?”

Renge clasped her hands together. “Yes, perfect! Now wiggle it around a little!”

The blonde complied, his nostrils flaring at the enhanced ticklish effect. “Hehh…hah...ATSCHUUU!”

“Perfect!” Renge dumped the rest of the toothpicks into his arms. “Now, keep practicing, and when you think you’re ready, you can start trying to make other people sneeze!”

“O...kay…”

Renge hopped up onto her platform, megaphone in hand.

“LISTEN UP, SNEEZERS!! The Host Club will be opening in about fifteen minutes. We have to make sure we’re ready for when the girls arrive! So, for our final preparations, I had my delivery men bring in...this!”

The curtain behind her lowered to reveal a large machine of some sort, with the words ‘Host Club Simulator’ engraved on the front. Kyoya pushed up his glasses. “Intriguing. May I ask what it’s for?”

“It’s a Live-Action Ouran Host Club Simulation Game!” Renge twirled. “Well, it was a game, at least when I played it at home. But this, my fellow hosts, is for training purposes only! It’s designed to simulate Host Club interactions between hosts and guests, equipped with every kind of scenario imaginable, from bulldozers falling from the sky to real-life gender-benders! You can even set it to Real-Time Mode and react to events happening within the Host Club as they occur in real time!”

“Where does she come up with this stuff?” Hikaru and Kaoru shrugged.

“I set the machine to Sneeze Mode. Each of you will go in one at a time and simulate a two-minute Host Club session with a group of CPU fangirls selected at random. You have two minutes and two minutes only to show off your new dark sides and make them squeal in delight. The more delightful squeals you get, the more your score goes up! The higher your score, the more in touch you are with your dark sides! I even have a special prize for the host who gets the highest score.” The illustrious manager checked her clipboard. “Let’s see...who’s up first...oh, yes! Mori!”

She opened the door to the machine and beckoned Mori to go inside. Honey began to follow him in, but Renge slammed the door shut before he could.

“But...but I wanna go with Takashi…”

“YOU’LL GET YOUR TURN!”

She pressed a button on her remote. As the simulator powered up, the inside of the machine around Mori transformed into the abandoned Music Room. The Host Club was currently open for business, and there were two girls sitting in front of him. A small box popped up on the bottom corner of the screen, beholding Renge with a headset and clipboard. On the outside, another screen had swung out from the side, showing the simulation from the inside so the other hosts could see.

“Mori! Your job is to make these girls happy using your underlying weakness. Your time starts...now!” Renge started the time. On the upper righthand corner of the screen, a timer began ticking down. The other hosts held their eyes glued to the screen and cheered for their strong and silent host.

“Go, Mori! You can do it!”

One of the girls sitting across the table from Mori giggled. “I’m so glad we got to spend this time together, Mori!”

“I agree!” The other girl nodded. “But I have to ask...where’s Honey?”

Mori shrugged, trying to ignore the burning tickle that had taken leisure in his nose. The first girl frowned. “Are you alright?”

Mori nodded quickly to assure her he was fine, but a sudden gust of wind blew that dreaded dust straight into his nose. His nostrils flared wildly, and he leaned his head back, preparing for the sneeze.

“DON’T FORGET, MORI!” Renge shouted. “YOU HAVE TO STIFLE IT!”

He nodded, tears streaming down his eyes. The host quickly turned away from the girls and pitched into the crook of his elbow, convulsing with the impact of a completely silently stifled sneeze.

The hosts on the outside cheered. “Way to go, Mori!”

But stifling the sneeze had done nothing to relieve it of the dust that continued to linger inside. Mori continued to sneeze, stifling them silently as much as he could, though it was getting more painful and more difficult with every sneeze. Finally, he lifted his head up to face the girls. Forty seconds remained.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Mori?” The first girl asked again.

“Your nose is all red.” The second girl blushed.

Mori gave an embarrassed blush of his own, but nodded nonetheless.

“You know…” The first girl pondered. “It almost looked like you were…”

“Sneezing~” The second girl giggled. “Is that true?”

Much as he tried, he couldn’t hold it back anymore and an enormous sneeze released itself from its constraints.

“Hih...IKGSHH!”

The force of the sneeze blew the girls away from the table and out the window. Mori’s blush grew deeper. “Sorry,” He mumbled sheepishly.

The Host Club turned red and the words ‘SIMULATION FAILED’ appeared on the screen in big letters. Mori stood as the side door opened. As he exited the machine, the other hosts applauded him encouragingly, patting him on the back as he rejoined him.

“Don’t worry, Mori. You did a great job!”

“You almost had ‘em!”

“To be fair, that definitely wouldn’t happen in real life.”

“Yeah, your sneezes are strong, but not that strong!”

“You did great, Takashi!”

“That first stifle was perfect!”

“Mori…” Renge tsked. “You gotta work on that stifle of yours.” She wrote his score on her clipboard, shaking her head disapprovingly. “Next up is...Honey!”

Honey gulped. “Yay…”

Renge reopened the door and Honey stepped inside, yelping when the door slammed shut behind him. It was a similar scenario; he was in the Music Room, and the Host Club was currently open for business. He was sitting on the floor, right next to the large fluffy dog, with two other girls simply fawning over him. Renge’s head once again appeared in the bottom corner of the screen.

“Honey! Your task is the same as Mori’s. Make these girls happy with your underlying weakness, while at the same time refusing to admit you have one! Your time starts...now!”

The timer began to tick once again.

Good luck, Mitsukuni. Mori thought to himself.

The girl on Honey’s left played with his hair. “I never knew you were into animals, Honey! That’s so cute!”

“You think so?” Honey beamed. “I think puppies are cute, too!”

“Awww~” The girls crooned.

Honey’s nose began to twitch in irritation.

“It’s strange, though.” The girl on his right patted the dog’s head. “I always thought you’d be allergic to dogs.”

Honey giggled. “Me? Allergic? No, that’s...that’s sihh...silly.”

“What’s wrong, Honey?” The girls tilted their heads.

“Nuhh...Nothing! I’m fine! I...hihh...H’tchi! Kshi! A’ksh!”

“Bless you Honey!” The girls chorused.

“Oh, you are allergic!” The one on the right put her hand against his back to support him.

Honey shook his head furiously. “N-No...Kshi! H’tchx!...I don’t...don’t...A’tch! ‘Kshx! Tshu!...don’t have...Ap’shi!...any...’Kshx!...any allergies...Ha’tchi! ‘Tchu! ‘Tchu!” Honey laid his head miserably on the dog’s fur. “Can...Kshi! Can we stop...Apshi! Hi’tch! Please?! K’tchu! Tshu!”

“NO! KEEP GOING!” Renge roared.

“Stop what, Honey?” The girl on the left asked.

“I’m confused…”

“TAKASHI!!! H’tchx! A’tchi! HELP ME!”

Mori hurried over to the simulator and swung the door open. The Host Club turned red and the words ‘SIMULATION FAILED’ appeared on the screen in big letters. Mori carried his cousin out bridal-style. “You did good, Mitsukuni.”

“I don’t like it…” Honey whimpered.

“Really, Honey. You have to learn to stay in character.” Renge sighed and took note of his score. “Haruhi! You’re next!”

Haruhi took a deep breath and nervously stepped up to the machine. She stumbled as Renge shoved her inside and closed the door behind her. As with the other two hosts, the inside of the machine transformed into the Host Club. Haruhi was standing in front of the coffee table in between two sofas. Three girls were sitting atop the first sofa, and Kaoru lay ill on the second, with a warm blanket covering his shivering form and a cool cloth resting against his forehead. He was asleep. As the girls chattered excitedly, Haruhi realized that she was covered in dust from head to toe, and that the light fixtures seemed to be flickering. Renge popped up in the bottom corner of the screen.

“Haruhi! Same basic concept. Make these girls happy utilizing the weaknesses of not only yourself, but of the other hosts. In this simulation, the lighting is currently under repair, so expect them to turn on and off at random intervals. Take note of your primary objective as a caretaker, but make sure not to do too good of a job. That’ll ruin the fun! Your time starts...now!”

The timer appeared and began ticking.

“You go, Haruhi!” Tamaki pressed his face against the screen on the outside. “Daddy believes in you!”

Hikaru gestured to the Kaoru in the simulation. “Aw Kaoru, why do you get to have all the fun?”

Kaoru chuckled. “Yeah, ‘cuz laying couch-ridden with a fever sure looks like fun to me.”

“Ah, you probably don’t have a fever.” Hikaru disregarded with a wave of his hand.

Haruhi gently approached the girls. “Excuse me.”

They turned to face her, smiling. “Yes, Haruhi? What is it?”

“I don’t mean to intrude, but would you mind keeping it down a little?” She glanced nervously towards Kaoru. “I don’t want to wake him up.”

One of the girls nodded. “Oh, certainly, Haruhi. Sorry for making so much noise.”

Haruhi smiled. “It’s alright.”

Another girl giggled. “I think it’s really sweet how you’re taking such good care of him!”

“HARUHI! STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH, YOU DON’T HAVE ALL DAY!!” Renge berated.

Haruhi smiled warmly in response to the girl. “No problem.” She began to make her way back over to the couch, but just as she made it halfway there, the lights flickered brightly. The commoner stumbled back.

“Heh...Hik’shii!” She squeaked.

“Bless you, Haruhi!” The girls squealed. “That was such a cute sneeze!”

Haruhi blushed a bit as she lifted the cloth off Kaoru’s forehead and replaced it with her own hand, frowning in concern. “Your fever’s gone up.”

“Aha!” Outside the simulation, Kaoru pumped a fist into the air. “Hikaru, you owe me five hundred yen!”

“Aw, darn…” Hikaru grumbled, giving him the money.

Tamaki pouted. “Haruhi never took care of me like that…”

CPU Kaoru opened his eyes at the sound of Haruhi’s voice. “Haru…”

“Shh.” Haruhi pressed a finger against his lips. The girls on the sofa scooted closer, their heads about to burst with the suspense. Kaoru’s nose twitched at the contact between the dust on Haruhi’s finger and his nose. “H-Haruhi...b-back uhh...huhh…” He quickly turned his head to the side facing away from her. “Haktchu!”

“Oh, sorry Kaoru! I should get off-” The lights flashed in her eyes again. “Hik’shii!”

The girls’ heart-shaped eyes pumped wildly, ready to explode off their chairs as they waited to see what would happen next. Suddenly, the Host Club turned red and the words ‘SIMULATION FAILED’ appeared on the screen in big letters.

“WHAT?! I DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING WRONG!” Haruhi shouted angrily.

Renge opened the door for the commoner. “You ran out of time. I told you to stop beating around the bush.”

“BUT THAT’S NOT FAIR! I GOT PLENTY OF SQUEALS!!”

“Yes, but you never reached the climax. How can you determine a performance successful if there is no definable climax? You do get points for implied KaoHaru shipping, though.”

Haruhi stomped out of the simulator. “I was just trying to be polite to the guests…” She grumbled under her breath. Tamaki squeezed her in a tight hug and ruffled her hair.

“Don’t worry, Haruhi! You did a great job! You don’t have to listen to mean old Renge, Daddy is still proud of you!”

“TAMAKI, YOU’RE UP!” Renge shouted.

“Excuse me a moment.” He flipped his luscious hair back and spun around gracefully. “The ‘Sternutophile’...is ready.” After a few deep breaths, he strolled confidently past Renge and into the simulator.

“Should I be worried?” Haruhi asked.

Kyoya pushed up his glasses. “Yes.”

Tamaki watched in awe as the inside of the simulator transformed into the Host Club. He was sitting on one of the sofas, a lovely girl seated next to him. Feeling the inside of his shirt pocket, Tamaki discovered that it was filled with those fancy toothpicks Renge had given him earlier. There was a plate of hor d’oeuvres on the table in front of them, along with a pepper shaker. Renge appeared in the little box on the bottom corner of the screen.

“Tamaki! I shouldn’t have to tell you what to do, but since you’re an idiot, I’ll make it simple.”

At the word ‘idiot’, an arrow jabbed through Tamaki’s chest.

“You have a few options for stimulus in this environment. Indulge in your secret desires without making them known. And if they do become known, tug on her heartstrings with the most painstakingly adorable story you can come up with. You only have one girl, so this should be easy. Just romanticize her with your underlying weakness! Got it? Good! Time begins now!”

And with that, the timer began to tick down the seconds.

Tamaki found himself a little dazed at this sudden rush of information, but just put on a warm princely smile and commenced his entertainment. He lifted the girl’s chin delicately. “Might I say, princess, that you are looking rather lovely this afternoon?”

The girl’s cheeks tinged pink. “Really? You mean that?”

“But of course, I wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true.” The prince gestured to the plate on the table. “Could I interest you in some hor d’oeuvres, princess?”

She giggled shyly. “No thanks, I’m actually not that hungry.”

Tamaki leaned in close to her. “What if I fed it to you from my mouth?”

“O-Okay then...maybe just a little.” The girl nearly swooned at his princely charm.

The blonde host picked up the plate from the table as well as the pepper shaker. He shook a great deal of pepper onto the hor d’eouvres, paying no mind when his guest started to protest. “Um, excuse me, Master Tamaki...I think that’s enough pepper…oh, my...you really like pepper, don’t you?”

It was then that Tamaki ‘accidentally’ sent a cloud of pepper in his guest’s way. The girl wrinkled her nose uncomfortably at the impact the pepper flakes made. Tamaki batted his long eyelashes. “Something wrong, princess?”

She shook her head, her eyes squeezing shut. “No, nothing really, just have to...hihh...Hitshiew!” The sneeze was directed towards her lap, as she didn’t think to cover with her hands. Immediately, her cheeks flushed an even darker shade of pink. “Pardon me, Master Tamaki. That was very impolite.”

Tamaki’s smile only grew wider. “No, not at all, my dear. In fact…” He trailed off as Renge shouted at him.

“TAMAKI! THIS IS YOUR DEEPEST, DARKEST SECRET! DON’T GIVE IT AWAY SO EASILY! AND YOU ONLY HAVE THIRTY-FIVE SECONDS LEFT!”

“Tamaki? You were going to say something?” The girl looked up at him worriedly.

Tamaki gave her a nervous, yet still charming, smile. “Oh, it was nothing.”

[

[VividBubbles!]

*melts from the overwhelming amount of adorableness*

I seriously have no idea how to put into words how much I love this, N_T. It was hilarious and cute and overdramatic and in every sense just like the anime, even the small details like Mori explaining Kyoyapedia to us and Tamaki's mushroom growing. I'm just speechless. Amazing job, and I'm super excited for when you can get around to continuing it.

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

O.o Oh...my...jesus...the intensity is just overwhelming. *bows to your perfection of writing level*

[Cocobalt]

Well,VividBubbles has so eloquently lain everything out which makes this fic out of this world,but I'll try to put it in my own words. This fic is over 7,000 words(yes,I counted) of pure joy,hilarity and fandom feels. All the details from the character reactions to the simulator to Kyoya's deadpan snark is done exceptionally well. The sneeze spellings were on the nose(PUN INTENDED). Even though Renge was really running the show,all the characters carried the story wonderfully. The short is that I love this. Truly fitting for the title for finale. I'll miss your writing.

[KazeNoUirusu]

I agree with the others - this is fantastic. You really make it feel like an episode, I can absolutely see it all happening. cx

If I was one of the girls sitting across from Hikaru and Kaoru I just wouldn't even know what to do oh my god, the beauty

[Kushami Suki Da!]

I love this storyyyyy! It is a great idea and really cuuuuute! You write everyone so in character, I can practially see the animation and hear the voice actors! Kyaa so cute! ^^

[Natto]

That was an absolute delight! It read just like an episode of the show, only specifically tailored for us. XD; Each of the character roles worked perfectly, and the way each of them failed the simulators was completely in character. There were a ton of laugh-out-loud moments, especially from Renge. I love how incredibly specific she is about what each of them should do to be attractive, and how she's able to convince them that other people will share her enthusiasm. I'm looking forward to eventually seeing the continuation--will their guests be as charmed by sneezing as Renge is? Or will it be a disaster? Will Tamaki develop a sneeze fetish for real? Will other people catch the twin's cold? Speculating is fun, and easy since like I said, this reads just like a real episode. You did an excellent job, congratulations!!

[Bobsuperawesome]

Omgomgomg!!! I love this so freaking much I can't even breath right now, aughhxhdhdixbdbdtxtsgdbxhjxhdvxbsgheb you must have spent forever writing this!

[daystar428]

omg soooo perfect!!! You are the best!!

[Not_Telling]

Wow, what a reaction!

*melts from the overwhelming amount of adorablness*

I seriously have no idea how to put into words how much I love this, N_T. It was hilarious and cute and overdramatic and in every sense just like the anime, even the small details like Mori explaining Kyoyapedia to us and Tamaki's mushroom growing. I'm just speechless. Amazing job, and I'm super excited for when you can get around to continuing it.

Oh goodness. I don't even know what to say except thank you. Thank you! (See, now I'm speechless) I'm excited, too. Can't wait 'till I get a chance to do it, it's a really fun story to write!

O.o Oh...my...jesus...the intensity is just overwhelming. *bows to your perfection of writing level*

Ohhhh, fang. I don't even know how to respond to all these nice comments anymore, since I can't say much else than thank you so superduper much for all this support!!

Well,VividBubbles has so eloquently lain everything out which makes this fic out of this world,but I'll try to put it in my own words. This fic is over 7,000 words(yes,I counted) of pure joy,hilarity and fandom feels. All the details from the character reactions to the simulator to Kyoya's deadpan snark is done exceptionally well. The sneeze spellings were on the nose(PUN INTENDED). Even though Renge was really running the show,all the characters carried the story wonderfully. The short is that I love this. Truly fitting for the title for finale. I'll miss your writing.

AWWWWWWWW~ And you actually counted All the Ouran characters are really fun to write for since they have such exquisite personalities. That's part of what makes Ouran such a great anime. I think I mentioned this before, but I recently went to Otakon and while I was there I cosplayed/roleplayed as Renge, and actually, I got a lot of ideas when I was writing this story and I think it really improved my roleplay! Vice versa, too. I definitely got some ideas for the story while I was roleplaying...but anyways, enough rambling. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR KIND WORDS!!

I agree with the others - this is fantastic. You really make it feel like an episode, I can absolutely see it all happening. cx

If I was one of the girls sitting across from Hikaru and Kaoru I just wouldn't even know what to do oh my god, the beauty

*giggles maniacally as Happiness and Self-Pride levels up* Thanks, Kaze! Making me feel special~

Also, I didn't see your little comment at the bottom until just now What I would do for a machine like that...

I love this storyyyyy! It is a great idea and really cuuuuute! You write everyone so in character, I can practially see the animation and hear the voice actors! Kyaa so cute! ^^

Thanks so so much! I always picture the events in my stories happening as I write them. Writing for me is like daydreaming on paper (or computer, in this case). Thank you, though! Btw, my drabble thread also has a few Ouran things on it, if you wanted to take a look.

Although honestly, some are better than others...

That was an absolute delight! It read just like an episode of the show, only specifically tailored for us. XD; Each of the character roles worked perfectly, and the way each of them failed the simulators was completely in character. There were a ton of laugh-out-loud moments, especially from Renge. I love how incredibly specific she is about what each of them should do to be attractive, and how she's able to convince them that other people will share her enthusiasm. I'm looking forward to eventually seeing the continuation--will their guests be as charmed by sneezing as Renge is? Or will it be a disaster? Will Tamaki develop a sneeze fetish for real? Will other people catch the twin's cold? Speculating is fun, and easy since like I said, this reads just like a real episode. You did an excellent job, congratulations!!

I guess we'll have to wait and see! Oh gosh, but you just gave me so many ideas. I might have to steal some of those~ Thank you, I'm really glad you enjoyed it!!

Omgomgomg!!! I love this so freaking much I can't even breath right now, aughhxhdhdixbdbdtxtsgdbxhjxhdvxbsgheb you must have spent forever writing this!

Aw, thanks! It actually didn't take too long, I wrote some of it in my journal while I was visiting relatives for a couple weeks and just finished it up here before posting but I'm glad you liked it, and I can't wait to write more for you!

omg soooo perfect!!! You are the best!!

YOU are the best. Thank you!!

[Kaede]

This is definitely by far one of my favourite fanfictions ever. Not just on this website. Out of every fanfiction that I've ever read.

And I don't even watch Ouran High School Host Club.

[A-Place-To-Be-Me]

This... was so perfect... Aaaaaagh...

I was halfway between dying of laughter and dying of cuteness X3 You captured their personalities to perfection, the roles you had Renge cast fit adorably, it was just... I have no words for this piece of amazinness.

[All Time No]

Please continue this when you can!! It's beautiful!!! It's very well written! I just love Ouran! I've got a soft spot for those twins though!

[truth]

OH MY GODS HOW HAVE I NOT DISCOVERED THIS BEFORE.

this is perfection,,,, you've captured the silliness and stupidity of the anime/manga perfectly but still got all the sneezy goodness

[The Master]

Wow!! I have read a ton of OHSHC fanfics,, and NONE of them has ever captured the characters personalities as spot on as you did writing this! You have amazing talent!!

[TheOtaku]

*Gasp* And who's been hiding this beautiful thing from me? Was that you, cat? *runs after my cat*

[Not_Telling]

HANG ON JUST ONE SNEEZE-LOVING SECOND.

Do my eyes deceive me? Did the story really cut off right in the middle of Tamaki's simulation?? Well, this just won't do. I have the rest of the section right in my drive, all I have to do is copy and paste it on here!

If you haven't seen the rest of these... unique scenario situations, I have the rest of the "simulations" right here.

***

“TAMAKI! THIS IS YOUR DEEPEST, DARKEST SECRET! DON’T GIVE IT AWAY SO EASILY! AND YOU ONLY HAVE THIRTY-FIVE SECONDS LEFT!”

 

“Tamaki? You were going to say something?” The girl looked up at him worriedly.

Tamaki gave her a nervous, yet still charming, smile. “Oh, it was nothing.”

“Oh...okay…” The girl looked away sadly. Tamaki put an arm around her. “Whatever is the matter, princess? Was it something I said?”

“No…” Her eyes began to fill with tears. “I just...I just feel so embarrassed that you had to see that. I’m sorry.”

The prince took her hands into his own.

“I apologize for making you feel that way, princess. You know, I cannot bear to see my guests unhappy. But rest assured, I did not find anything displeasing about your sneeze. In fact, I actually found it to be...quite endearing, to say the least.” He drew in a dramatic inhale, ready to begin his theatrical monologue. Suddenly, the Host Club turned red, and the words ‘SIMULATION FAILED’ appeared on the screen in big letters.

 

“WHAAAAT?! WHAT DID I DO WRONG?! EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT PERFORMANCE WAS PERFECT!” Tamaki ran out of the simulator, flailing his arms to and fro in frustration.

 

Renge yelled just as loud, if not louder.

“WHAT DID YOU NOT DO WRONG?! NOT ONLY DID YOU RUN OUT OF TIME, BUT YOU MADE HER CRY! YOU CAN’T MAKE YOUR GUESTS CRY, THAT’S LIKE THE OPPOSITE OF A SATISFIED SQUEAL! NOT TO MENTION, YOU NEVER SNEEZED ONCE! AND ON TOP OF THAT, YOU JUST TOLD HER YOUR DEEPEST DARKEST SECRET, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SUBTLE ABOUT IT! DO YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF PRIVACY, YOU DIM-WITTED NARCISSIST?!”

 

The prince sulked in the corner of the room, white from head to toe and mushrooms growing out around him. Renge tapped her pencil impatiently against her clipboard. “Really, how is it that no one is understanding the purpose of this simulation?” She huffed. “Hikaru and Kaoru, you two are next!”

 

The twins bounded into the room together. “Simulation! Simulation!”

The door closed behind them and the inside of the machine transformed back into the Music Room, with the Host Club well into its business sessions. They were sitting side-by-side at one of the tables, right across from three anxious-looking girls. Renge’s head popped up in the bottom corner of the screen.

 

“Hikaru! Kaoru! You two are my Misery Loves Company brothers, do not fail me now! Remember, be super-ultra cute without being gross, and show as much weakness as possible without coming across as whiny. Understand?!”

“Yes, boss!” The twins saluted.

 

“Heyyy!” Tamaki whined from outside the simulator. “Why are you calling her boss?”

 

Renge ignored him and returned her attention to the twins. “Alright, your time begins now!”

The timer appeared in the upper righthand corner of the screen and commenced its ticking.

 

“Good afterdood, ladies.” The twins chorused tiredly.

“Aw, what’s wrong with you guys?”

“Yeah, you don’t look so good.”

Hikaru and Kaoru held each other in a warm embrace, albeit a shaky one. “They’re righd, Higkaru. You dod’t look so good. Baybe you should ged sobe rest.”

Hikaru shook his head. “Ndo, I thidg you’re worse off thad I amb, Kaoru. Really. You soudd awful. You should ged sobe rest.”

“But Hika...Hihh...Hik’tchu!” Kaoru buried his face into his brother’s neck to suppress the sneeze. “Higkaru, we cad’t...Hak’tchu! Leave the girls.” He sniffled.

“You’re righd, Kaoru. We have respodsibilidies as hosds to...to...Hik’shh!”

 

The girls nearly collapsed out of their chairs at the twins’ adorableness. The third girl gave them a sympathetic smile. “You know, if you guys don’t feel well, you don’t have to-” She was cut off when the other two girls clamped their hands over her mouth.

“Don’t ruin the moment!” The first girl hissed.

 

Hikaru and Kaoru simultaneously placed their hands on the other’s forehead.

“You’re burdig up.” The elder twin frowned.

“So are you.” The younger matched his frown of concern.

“Hehh…” Each twin reared his head back and concurrently pitched forward at the exact same time. “Hek’tchu!” They paused. “Bless you.”

“AHHH SO KAWAII!!” The girls exploded.

 

“Excuse be, mbiss…” Hikaru held out a shaky hand towards the teacup on the other side of the table. “Would...would you bide hadding be thad teacup, please?”

The girl he was speaking to nodded excitedly. “Oh, of course!” She picked it up and held it across the table for him to take.

“Thadk you,” Hikaru replied. As he reached for the cup and their hands touched, the redhead’s breath suddenly began hitching. “Hih...he’hih...H’ktsh!” Hikaru blushed bright red. “I’b so sorry. I did’t bead to do thad.”

The girl smiled. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I should have brought my hand back faster, anyway.” Suddenly, her own nose began twitching. “Hih...K’shu!” The girl sneezed. “‘Kshu! H’kshu!”

“Oh, no!” The girl next to her placed a hand on her forehead. “Kinami, you have a fever!”

“I dod’t feel so well all of a sudded…” The first girl sneezed again. “Hih’Kshu! I thig I caughd their cold…”

 

The Host Club turned red and the words ‘SIMULATION FAILED’ appeared on the screen in big letters. Hikaru and Kaoru groaned. “Aw, man. We almost had that one.”

They exited the simulator, only to meet up face-to-face with an angry Medusa-Renge.

“COME ON! HOW COULD YOU HAVE POSSIBLY FAILED THAT ONE?! YOU AREN’T SUPPOSED TO INFECT YOUR GUESTS!!”

“Well, in our defense…” Hikaru began.

“...how does someone catch a cold in five seconds, anyway?” Kaoru finished.

 

Renge raised a finger to the sky. “I guess there’s only one thing left to do…” She pointed at Kyoya. “Hanky Master! You’re our last hope! Do us proud!”

Kyoya pushed up his glasses. “It’s ‘Handker-Chief’.” He walked briskly into the simulator, calling back to the other hosts as he did so. “Remember, the Host Club opens in precisely three minutes! Do be efficient and start getting ready, would you?”

 

The door closed behind him. The interior of the machine around him transformed into the Host Club. He was sitting at a table across from Renge, who he assumed was his guest in this simulation. The real Renge popped up in the bottom corner of the screen.

 

“Kyoya! In this simulation, your guest is me!” He was correct. What a surprise. “You’re really smart, you know what you have to do! Your time starts now!”

 

In an effort to get this done as quickly and easily as possible, the Shadow King bothered not with formalities and instead grabbed a flower from the vase in front of him, sharply inhaling it’s aroma. He retrieved his handkerchief from his pocket in just enough time to catch an efficiently well-timed sneeze, stifled at just the right amount, of course.

 

“H’tch!”

 

“Bless you, Kyoya!” CPU Renge giggled.

“Thank you.” Kyoya responded curtly, before taking that same flower and brushing it against Renge’s nose. Renge’s big brown eyes squinted half-shut at the sudden irritation.

“K-Kyoyahh...w-whuhh...hihh...HETSHIII!”

When the CPU Renge opened her eyes, Kyoya was holding up a fresh, folded handkerchief for her to take, with a warm, charming smile. “Gesundheit.”

 

The Host Club turned green and the words ‘SIMULATION SUCCESS’ appeared on the screen in big letters. The hosts on the outside of the simulator stared at the screen in shock.

“You have got to be kidding me!”

“That’s all he had to do?!”

“But all he did was make himself sneeze and offer her a stupid handkerchief!”

“That only took twenty-eight seconds…”

Kyoya calmly stepped out of the simulator, only to be tackled by the obsessive fangirl. “KYOYA, THAT WAS PERFECT! THE WAY YOU JUST OFFERED THE HANDKERCHIEF WAS SO CUTE, AND YOU BROKE THE RECORD FOR BEST TIME!!”

She raised Kyoya’s hand in the air victoriously.

 

“We have a winner!”

[Hovercuke]

Oh my god, this story was honestly one of my guilty pleasures, but I had always just given up on getting an ending, so I am honestly over the moon that you finished it. Thank you so much! 

[Not_Telling]

4 hours ago, Hovercuke said:

Oh my god, this story was honestly one of my guilty pleasures, but I had always just given up on getting an ending, so I am honestly over the moon that you finished it. Thank you so much! 

Actually it's not even finished, that was just a part that had been inexplicably cut off by the length maximum of the post, and I never noticed until now. But since I've gotten some inspiration recently, I'm going to try to write more as soon as this fever goes away