Immediate Expulsion

[Blah!?]

Alright, before I begin, just a few little things:

Yes, I am aware that Violet's slang is beyond over the top, and I probably didn't use half of it properly. That being said, used correctly or not, I feel it still gave her the texture I was aiming for, so it's all good, capisce?

If at any point I promise a sequel, immediately assume I'm lying.

And without further ado:

"The nose, huh? This is where cops go to live out the remainders of their lives doin' absolutely nothing. Don't get me wrong, Melody's a great place to be, but still, the nose? I always figured my skills would be needed somewhere more important, ya' know?"

A young detective pulled the brim of her brown fedora low over her eyes. Sure, dressing like an old fashioned gumshoe was no way to be sneaky, but it was stylish. On top of that, Melody's nose was never an eventful place. Given its nature as a part of the body, the detective hesitated to call it clean, but there was next to no criminal activity that took place in such a location. It simply wasn't a good outlet for smugglers and thieves. However, as if to spite her statement about the lack of excitement, the detective's radio started to crackle with static.

"Hey, Violet? You there?" said a voice on the other end of the line. The young detective would have recognized the dispatcher any day. However, the two of them typically didn't speak to each other much over the radio. This must be about something specific.

"Yeah, what can I do ya' for?" Violet replied, holding the radio up to her face at an angle.

"We've been getting reports of whipped cream, in places where it shouldn't be."

"Whipped cream? That's all? Whadaya need me for then?"

"It's in the nose, right around where you are. We already spoke with the mayor, and she assures us Melody hasn't taken up eating nasally, so something's fishy."

"Still. So what?"

"Well, in case you forgot, Melody's asleep. We sure didn't put it there. Could you just check it out?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine. But ya' owe me some cherry lemon ice, capisce?"

---

By falling asleep on the couch Melody had walked right into a trap. Even worse, one arm was sticking off to the side, over the side of the couch. She was just begging to be pranked in some way or another. Naturally, her friend Nora caught on to this in a jiffy, and she was off to the kitchen to retrieve the proper materials. She returned with a bottle of whipped cream and a long, fluffy feather.

"Sleep tight, Mel," Nora whispered with a giggle as she knelt down in front of her sleeping friend. She filled Melody's outstretched hand with the soft, white cream and headed around to the back of the couch. From there, Nora leaned out over her friend's body and reached the feather down toward her face. Pausing to giggle once more, Nora started to gently tickle the underside of Melody's freckled nose.

The turned-up tip of Melody's nose twitched once as the feather brushed across it, but she produced no other reaction. Nora frowned, not wanting her already-primed prank to go to waste. She started tickling more vigorously, gently inserting the tip of the feather into Melody's long nostrils, alternating between the left and the right. Melody snuffled and moved her head as if she was about to roll over. In a last-ditch effort to get the proper result, Nora gave the underside of her friend's nose one last flick with the tip of the feather. Without knowing what she was doing, Melody swung her hand up to her face, splattering whipped cream all over it. Nora yipped with delight and ran away, not knowing that her friend was somehow still asleep.

---

Violet pulled her brown trench coat tight around her body as she approached the entrance to the nostrils. It could get quite windy inside, and by extension quite chilly. However, that was only half the reason nobody ever went into the nostrils. Something about the long, dark hairs protruding all over the place just didn't appeal to most people. On top of that, in the event of a sneeze, anyone inside would almost surely be catapulted out into open air. Back in the sinuses, such a force would be nothing more than an earthquake. Potentially dangerous, yes, but nowhere near fatal.

At first, there was no sign of irregularity. As far as Violet could see, Melody's right nostril was full of nothing but her nose hair. When she neared the opening to the outside world, however, the extent of the damage became obvious. Damage wasn't really the right word, but there wasn't a good way to describe what Violet was seeing. The edges of the nostril were completely caked with fluffy cream, and a few spots dotted the sides, floor and ceiling here and there. Violet sighed and raised her radio back up to her face.

"Dispatch, you there? It's a joke, capisce? Nothing fancy."

"Oh, I see. How much is there?"

"More of it than I have hairs on my head, but nothing serious. Just have Melody wash her face and blow her nose when she wakes up."

"Alright, sounds like a plan. Should be waking up any second now, it looks like her whole face is covered with the stuff. Any ideas on how it got there?"

Violet tossed her radio up slightly, spinning it around before catching it again. She thought the dispatcher would have been able to figure this out for herself, but that didn't make much difference.

"It's a prank. Melody clocks out for a wink, her friend fills her hand with whipped cream, and then she-"

Violet froze, realizing what must have happened. She started to sprint back up the nostril as fast as she could. Something less than desirable was about to happen. Unfortunately, Violet feared that it would be more than just a quick, one-time incident. Her radio crackled as she ran, the dispatcher still trying to speak with her.

"And then she what? What happens after that?"

"Fuggedaboudit. I have a theory to test."

---

Melody slowly opened her eyes to find her face caked with whipped cream. She screamed and shot up on the couch, still a little dazed and confused from her nap. Wiping off her face, Melody stood up and started to run around frantically in search of a mirror. She sprinted into the bathroom and flicked on the lights. As annoying as the feeling of a whipped cream-covered face was, Melody had to chuckle at her absurd appearance. She turned on the sink and bent down toward the water, splashing some onto her face.

When Melody stood up straight again, her face was mostly clean. She saw Nora's reflection laughing maniacally behind her. Grabbing a tissue, Melody spun around and faced her friend.

"Oh, thanks so much, Nora. I really needed that," Melody said, holding the tissue up to her long nostrils.

"No problem, Mel," Nora replied, still laughing but starting to regain her composure. "Hey, you okay?" she asked, noticing her friend's tissue. Melody nodded and wiped her nose gently.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I got some up my nose, though."

Nora once again roared with laughter, clutching her side and nearly keeling over. Melody smiled, then frowned slightly as she blew her nose. Having whipped cream filled nostrils was hardly a pleasant feeling. She wiped her nose once more and threw the tissue away. However, something inside Melody's nose tickled a little. She brought her outstretched pointer finger up to her nostrils and rubbed gently, sniffing quietly as she did.

"You… You sure you're okay?" Nora asked, still trying to get her laughter under control. Melody frowned and flicked the tip of her nose up with her finger after rubbing some more.

"It's weird," she said, her nostrils flaring wide, "I feel like something else went up my nose, too."

---

Violet emerged from the nostril to find the rest of the nose just as she had left it. Nothing was out of the ordinary, or so it seemed. The detective began to wander around, pulling the brim of her hat low over her eyes again. She felt a subtle rumbling as Melody blew her nose, but that was to be expected and it was completely without consequence. However, as Violet rounded a corner, her suspicions were confirmed.

A completely normal woman walked along not more than twenty paces in front of Violet. Most people wouldn't suspect a thing, and it was likely that the woman herself didn't know how much trouble she was causing. She was wearing an obnoxiously complicated hat, but Violet didn't care about most of it. The detail that caught her eye was a long, fluffy feather sticking up from the hat's brim. Pushing her own hat up slightly, Violet swiftly approached the woman and confronted her.

"Hey, skinny! Hayadooin?" Violet greeted, reaching a hand toward the woman. She hesitated to make contact, as that always led to more trouble. The woman turned around and was visibly frightened by the young detective's appearance, but she made no move to flee.

"Y-yes? Can I help you?"

"Cool off, missus. This is serious business," Violet continued, digging her badge out of her coat. When she showed it to the woman, she seemed to calm down.

"I just gotta axeya' something. Ya' know possession of feathers is illegal in Melody, don'tya'?"

The woman looked up at the feather in her hat. After a second she turned her gaze back to Violet, looking a little bit panicked. She grabbed the feather from the hat and handed it to the detective.

"I'm so sorry, I completely forgot. I just picked it up from a vendor down the street, I wasn't thinking."

With that, the woman ran off, leaving Violet standing around with the feather. She wanted to question the woman further, especially about that vendor of hers, but now she would have to investigate that on her own.

"What kind'a weasel deal's she going for? Bo-nasty really thinks who she is…"

Violet once again drew her radio and contacted the dispatcher.

"Dig this. Got a lead on some feathers. I've got my mits on one right now," she declared, waiting for the inevitable overreaction from the other end of the line. Right on cue, the dispatcher gasped.

"You've got one? Be careful with it! Melody's so allergic…"

"Yeah, tell me something I don't know. Anyway, one of the local vendors is supposedly selling the things, so I'm gonna check it out."

Just as Violet was about to set off toward the nearest shop, she felt the ground shake. Naturally, she also knew exactly what was about to happen.

"Madone…"

---

After cleaning some stray whipped cream off of the couch, Melody and Nora sat down to watch some random television and gossip. Everything was perfectly normal until Melody felt that peculiar tickle return. She rubbed her nose slowly with her index finger, but the irritation continued. Next, Melody tried wrinkling her nose and sniffing in hard, but all that did was attract Nora's attention.

"Hey, what's up Mel? You're kind of wigging out there," Nora said, leaning over toward her friend. Melody tried to smile as she rubbed her nose again. Whatever was tickling her nose was really getting to her now, and she knew a sneeze was inevitable.

"Nothing," she tried to say, "I think I have to… Have… Ihh… Hihh… Hehhh…"

Melody's head reared back and she held her wrist up in front of her face to contain her upcoming sneeze.

"HEYECHHOO!"

Some of Melody's blond hair fell onto her face as she sneezed hard, squishing her nose into the back of her wrist. She straightened up and rubbed her nose again, still feeling tickly.

"Bless you," Nora chirped, putting her head playfully on Melody's shoulder. Melody flicked the tip of her nose up with her outstretched finger and tried hard to smile, but her nose was tickling too much.

"Ugh, thanks." Melody's frown intensified. She kept rubbing and flicking her nose with her finger, but none of it helped in the least. All she could manage was to helplessly flare her long nostrils and hope whatever was bothering her would stop soon.

---

"Your mother's ass…" Violet grumbled to herself as she stood up. She picked up her hat and set it back on her head, tilted slightly to the left like always. Once she was properly situated, the detective broke into a brisk walk toward the nearest clothing outlet. If Melody was already sneezing, she would have to act quickly to find the supposed source of these feathers.

Progress was slow, but Violet was steadily whittling down her suspects. Most of the shopkeepers were more shocked by the recent sneeze than anything else, and even more were ignorant to the presence of even one feather. In all of her years as a detective, Violet always saw the culprit panic in some way or another. Finally, there was only one place left to check. As Violet stepped into the shop, a miniature earthquake once again warned of impending danger.

---

"Heh… Hihh… HEYECHOO! HECHOO! HEYECHOO! Heh… Hihhh… HEH! HEYEEECHOOO!"

Melody's petite body was overwhelmed by her forceful sneezes. She held up her wrist again to block whatever she may have expelled, but each consecutive sneeze squished her nose harder and harder against her hand until it couldn't be compressed any further. Melody shook her head, then pressed her index finger back under her long, slender nostrils. She rubbed slowly but vigorously as Nora watched her with a worried expression.

"You sure are sneezy, Mel. Could you be coming down with something?"

Melody sniffed in hard, flaring her nostrils wildly. Her nose was nearly tickling too much to allow her to respond. All she could do was rub it hopelessly, afraid that she'd have another sneezing fit if she stopped.

---

During the sneezing fit, Violet grabbed onto a pole by the store's entrance to steady herself. A few of the hats on display fell to the floor, as did the shopkeeper himself. Violet adjusted her own hat again and approached the man.

"Well, given what just went down, I bet dollars to doughnuts you know what I'm here for," she declared, looming over him like the empowered figure she believed herself to be. The stocky man stood and shrugged.

"Oh, um, that? Well, I know it's a big problem and all, but I promise I don't know anything about it."

"Is that so? Look, pal, I've had this same discussion with every other illiewhacker in the nose, and not so luckily for ya' they all snitched on this joint here." Violet pulled the brim of her fedora down and smirked as she saw the shopkeeper start to panic.

"I… I've got nothing to do with this!"

Violet raised an eyebrow. That was exactly the response she was expecting. What she didn't expect, however, was another voice to say exactly the same thing.

"Shakespeare, kick in the rear," she mumbled, looking around for the second speaker. Her gaze snapped to the door leading into the backroom as the voice sounded again.

"I knew you'd say that, detective. Let's just say I've been informed of your… Idiosyncrasies."

A sharply dressed man stepped into the front room of the shop. He had one hand in his jacket pocket while the other stroked his thin mustache.

"You're not from around here, are ya', face fins?" Violet sneered, crossing her arms.

"No, no I'm not. I thought that was obvious enough. Now, as someone of your sort might say, 'what can I do ya' for?'"

"Yeah, ya' can give me the skinny on why feathers are suddenly rearin' their ugly heads around here."

"And what makes you think I have anything to do with that?"

"Intuition, ya' gavoon. Now, don't go nowhere. I've got some snoopin' around to do."

Violet pushed past the man and stepped into the shop's back room. Just as the display room disappeared from view, she heard the front door open, accompanied by the sound of rapid footsteps. Violet was a bit surprised that the man had fallen for this trick. Somehow, she just figured him to be smarter than that. The young detective whirled around and sprinted back into the front room to see the mustached man sprinting away. However, the shopkeeper was standing right in front of the door.

"Hey! Was your father a glacier!?" Violet shouted, running up to him and motioning for him to move. The most important part of this trick was speed, so she couldn't afford to waste time. The man was too panicked to do much of anything, so Violet had no choice but to move him herself.

"Go see where ya' gotta go!"

She shoved him out of the way and ran through the door, doing her best to keep up with the running man. He appeared to have grabbed a large suitcase on his way out, and it was rather obvious what was inside.

---

"Oh… Ihh… Hehh… Hehhhh… HEYECHOO! CHHOO! HEYECHOO!"

Melody tried to recover from her sneezes by giving the underside of her nose a vigorous rub, but once again it did nothing to help. Massive tickles pulsated up and down both of her nostrils, making her gasp and splutter. Her entire nose felt like one massive itch that she wanted to rub right off of her face, but still nothing happened each time her index finger slid across her nostrils.

Nora watched worriedly as her friend sneezed herself silly, unsure of what to do. Finally thinking of something to do, she shot up from the couch and ran off to the bathroom. She returned with a box of tissues and sat down next to Melody again. Setting the box in her lap, Nora grabbed two tissues, laid them on top of each other, and handed them to her friend. Melody accepted them with a shaky hand and shoved them under her tickled nostrils. The tissues helped to muffle her sneezes, but they still didn't stop.

---

Both Violet and the feather smuggler somehow managed to stay on their feet as Melody sneezed helplessly. The detective smiled as she started to gain on the man. That meant her plan was working, at least for now. 'Hang in there, old girl. This is almost over,' Violet thought to herself, smiling slightly. If she kept up her current pace, she would have easily been able to catch the man, but she didn't want to do that just yet, especially since he was heading exactly where she wanted him to go.

Before long, Violet found herself dodging nose hairs instead of pedestrians to keep up with the running man. For all of his suave attitude, he wasn't very bright. This meant he would be cornered in no time, and from there, Violet could make sure his allergen trafficking was put on hold indefinitely. Almost as soon as that thought entered the detective's mind, the two found themselves at the edge of Melody's left nostril. The young lady could have sneezed them out into open air at any time, but miraculously she didn't.

"Gates are closed, chief. The gig's up. Fork over the suitcase and this'll all be over nice and peachy."

"Hey, listen up, you! It's just good business! Do you have any idea how much these go for around here?"

"Good business? That's what they all say, weisenheimer. Do you have any idea why they fetch so much 'round here?"

"Because they're illegal…"

"Because Melody's allergic, bub. They're a threat to the whole system, and nobody's gonna stand for it. Now, suitcase, if ya'd be so kind."

Violet hadn't expected this to be so easy, but she wasn't about to complain. Once the suitcase was in her hands, the popped open the locks and looked inside. Of course, it was filled to the bursting point with fluffy white feathers. This was quite the motherload, and anyone selling them underground could easily make a killing. Still, allergens weren't items that could be confiscated. They had to be disposed of, much like a certain something else. Leaving the suitcase unlocked, Violet turned back to the mustached man, grinning smugly.

"Hey, ya' got any idea what the punishment is for willing importation of allergens?"

"What? Prison for… How many years?"

"Immediate expulsion."

The man blanched while Violet's smirk widened. She tossed the suitcase into the air, giving it a firm kick. It burst open, spilling hundreds of feathers all around the nostril. Violet wrapped her arms around a nearby nose hair and held on for dear life.

"Not for nothin', but ya' better hold on to your knickers. This one's goin' yard."

---

Just as the irritation in Melody's nose was beginning to die down, she was overwhelmed by a massive tickle in her left nostril. She brought her pointer finger up to her nose to rub it again, but before she could even start, her pre-sneeze spasms took full control. Melody's long, slender nostrils flared as widely as they could as her head reared back. Her usual breathy intakes were replaced by a single high-pitched behemoth of a gasp. Melody found herself stuck in this position for an instant, unable to feel anything but the massive tickle that dominated her nose. Then, just as quickly as it had started, it all came to an end. Melody's head shot forward as a gale-force gust of wind blasted through her nostrils.

"HEEYEEECHHHHHOOOOO!!!"

---

Violet's hat was torn from her head, but the detective wasn't paying any attention to it. Instead, she simply watched in awe as the hundreds of feathers were catapulted from Melody's nose with the force of her enormous sneeze. Once the wind storm had died down, Violet released her grip on the nose hair and brushed herself off. Well, that was that. The dealer was gone, and the majority of his stash along with it. Hunting down the rest of the allergens would be child's play, and they wouldn't require such a display of force to get rid of. Finally realizing that she had lost her fedora, Violet frowned and kicked the hair.

"I should'a stood in bed today…"

The young detective looked back out of the opening to the nostril to see Melody's pointer finger rising up toward her. She didn't think anything of this at first, but as the finger drew closer, Violet saw something sitting on top of it. It appeared to be her hat of all things. She jogged up to the edge of the nostril and grabbed the brown fedora as Melody started to rub her nose for the umpteenth time. Placing the hat back on her head, Violet smiled. She removed her radio from her coat pocket and flicked it on.

"Now, about that cherry lemon ice ya' owe me…"

---

Melody rubbed her nose slowly but firmly, sniffing every few seconds. She expected to start sneezing again any second, but beyond all belief that impossible tickle in her nose was finally dissipating. Punctuating her nose rubbing with a flick of the tip, she smiled and turned to Nora. Her friend raised an eyebrow and giggled, bemused by Melody's incredible final sneeze.

"Okay, I'll ask you one more time. You alright, Mel?" Nora inquired, tilting her head to one side. Melody flicked the tip of her nose up again and broadened her smile.

"Now I am. I think I'm all sneezed-out."

[wishiwassneezy]

Great story! Really Clever, I thoroughly enjoyed it

[Kiwifruit]

That was AWESOME! Very creative, a new, fresh idea, I really enjoyed reading it

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Very interesting approach.

I could totally picture this in black-and-white, which was kind of awesome.

Really enjoyed reading this!

[Ciuty80]

that was soooo awesome!!!!!

[NoV]

What can I say! Your descriptions of sneezing are fantastic, coupled with a compelling narrative! Love it.

[Sneeze999]

Fantastic story! Really gripping, would absolutely LOVE to see more.

[zneeze]

Uh...

I think it's safe to say that this was the best female sneezefic of all time.

That is all.

Wait no -

That is all.

[obsessed]

Violet is amazing. Nice idea!

I LIKE YOUR USE OF SLANG.

[Demosthenes]

Woot! Love it!

I anyone liked this story, I'd recommend Blah's "Lucid Sneezing" as well. You won't be disappointed.

http://www.sneezefetishforum.org/forums/in...05&hl=lucid

[Raining Strawberry]

Whooa, awesome! I also love this.

Good god, this is super tasty. It's really creative- I love both perspectives. Honestly, in the past I've thought that a story of a character inside of the nose would be awesome, but I'd never been able to figure out a way to make it work. So, kudos!! And I also like the slang. Nothing like a good old-fashioned detective story.

[LeapYearKisses]

Wow! This was so interesting, and coupled with excellent sneezes. Great job! I hope you DO write a sequel... XD

[Pearlised]

I know this is an old thread, but when i came across it at first i wasnt' signed up yet and couldn't comment.

This story is absolute genous! I fantised so much about this idea (of little people in the nose) at the begining of my fetish!

Legendary Blah-san!!!!

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

Oh, this was just awesome. Very original, and very cool.

And, thanks to Bobbletop: somehow, I seem to have missed this story the first time around, only to get to read it now.

[ichixshiro14]

That story idea was ingenious!! However did you come up with such an awesome idea? Oooh I loved it, I'm not usually an allergy girl, but that was great!! Thanks for sharing!!

[BananaTree]

OMG, I loved Osmosis Jones and this idea is brilliant. I loved it. Excellent detail.

[Blah!?]

Thanks for all the comments, everyone! I'm surprised to see this story get so popular.

I did actually have an idea for a sequel, but as many of you already know, my sequels take forever to show up if they do at all. I may still write it, but no promises.

Then again, if anyone has any ideas, or anything they'd like to see, drop me a line. It may just give me that extra inspiration to actually do a sequel for sure.

[lalaland~]

woah this is possibly the most unique story I've ever read and it was fantastic! Loved it!

[YouAreHawTCHEW!]

I think this is the very first sneeze fic that can be related to Osmosis Jones. And it was also a great fic!

[SneezeloveronGirls]

If u plan to do a sequel maybe have Melody discover the existence of the tiny civilization that lives inside of her.

[JadeStone]

This was a really clever concept. Well done!

[Dynein]

This is a great take on an interesting concept. Personally, I think Violet's slang is juuust right. She mentions at the beginning that dressing like a gumshoe is a bit over the top but fun, which means she would totally be the type to steal (and misuse) classic noir terminology. Thank you for posting this, Blah.

[Turtles]

That was really creative! I loved every bit of it! Good job!