Something's Fishy (f, Doctor Who)

[Blah!?]

This story was written as a request from Pseudo for a story featuring Amy Pond, the companion in the latest season of Doctor Who.

I never thought I was any good at fanfiction, but seeing as this is one of the only TV shows I actually follow, I figured I would give it a shot. I tried to fit the story in with the existing continuity, as well as give it the feel of a short episode. Most importantly, however, I hope I portrayed the characters like they are in the actual TV series. It's up to you to decide whether or not I did a good job with that.

Anyway, on with the show.

A brief summary: The Doctor and his companion find themselves on a shiny, intriguing, and seemingly empty ship. Amy accidentally inhales a colony of microscopic organisms that have escaped from their holding area, and everything goes downhill from there.

---

With the sound of an indescribable whirring, a blue police box gradually faded into view. It situated itself at the end of a shiny, chrome corridor with a thud. The door creaked open and out stepped a man clad in a brown tweed jacket and an ocean-blue bowtie. He swung his head from side to side to survey the location, his flop of brown hair flailing about. Putting his hands on his hips, the man let out a content sigh. After a moment, a feminine Scottish voice emanated out of the police box's open door.

"Doctor? Doctor, where are we?" asked Amy Pond, the Doctor's young, redheaded companion as she stepped out of the TARDIS. The Doctor raised an eyebrow without a word and reached into his jacket. He removed his sonic screwdriver and waved it slowly around the chrome corridor. After letting the device buzz for a moment, the Doctor snapped his wrist, opening the top end of the device, and held it up to his face. He examined it, reading whatever data it was displaying in a manner unintelligible to human eyes.

"I conclude that this place is… Shiny," the Doctor said in a deadpan tone. Amy grunted and threw up her arms in a mix of frustration and confusion. She approached the Doctor from behind and leaned around his shoulder.

"Great, but I was asking where we are, not what it looks like. I can tell that just fine."

The Doctor closed the top of his screwdriver and inserted it back into his jacket, giving Amy an irritated glance.

"Don't talk back to me. I've got the sonic, and it says 'shiny!'" The Doctor's companion rolled her eyes again and crossed her arms.

"Yes, it's shiny. I know. But is it dangerous? At least tell me that much," Amy grumbled, looking around the corridor for herself. The Doctor's expression suddenly morphed into a stupidly gleeful smile.

"Who cares? It's shiny!" he exclaimed as he started to prance down the hallway toward the nearest door. "Coming, Amy?"

"Yes, I'll be right with you, Doctor," Amy replied, noticing that a panel had come loose on the wall next to her. She leaned in close to examine it, but as she approached it broke loose completely and clattered to the floor. Letting out a quiet yelp, Amy jumped back, but she quickly regained her composure and bent down to pick up the panel. Before placing it back into the wall, she leaned in close and peered into the hole. Closing one eye and opening the other wide, Amy moved her head slightly into the gap. At first, nothing appeared out of the ordinary, but as luck would have it, Amy chose just the wrong moment to inhale. Something unseen flooded into both of her nostrils, causing an overwhelming itch to fill her nose.

"Ack!" Amy spluttered, jumping back from the wall and dropping the panel to the floor again. This time, she left it there and jogged along after the Doctor, the itch in her nose continuing to bother her. When she caught up with him, Amy touched the palm of her hand to the tip of her nose and rubbed it vigorously up and down. Otherwise, she continued on as if nothing had happened, but suddenly she stopped.

Amy wiggled her nose from side to side and sniffed. A new sensation had crept into her nostrils, but this one seemed even more out of place than the itch.

"Doctor? Do you smell that? It's almost like fish," Amy asked, getting the Timelord's attention. The Doctor turned around to face his companion and took a few steps toward her.

"Smell what? I can't smell anything, though I do agree something's a bit off around here" he replied, sniffing the air a few times himself.

"It's strange. Is this place some sort of shiny restaurant or something? I can actually smell fish."

"No idea. Heard shiny, though. Okay? Okay. Let's go."

But Amy didn't follow. Instead, she tilted her head back slowly, her nostrils flaring widely every few seconds. Her breath started to hitch, and before long, her body snapped forward again.

"Hah… HaaaSHHOO!" Amy bent at the waist with the force of a desperate yet dainty sneeze. Her arms flew out to the side, away from her face, allowing a thin mist to spray out in front of her. The Doctor stopped in his tracks at the sound and turned around to face Amy again.

"You said you could smell fish. Tell me, was it like shrimp, specifically?" he asked, reaching into his jacket again.

"Yeah, I guess. Why?" Amy replied, rubbing her nose with her palm again. Without a word, the Doctor drew his sonic screwdriver and nearly lunged toward Amy. He grabbed her head with his free hand and held the tip of her nose up with his thumb. Pointing the tip of the screwdriver up one of Amy's nostrils, the Doctor began another exposition.

"I think I know where we are. Symptoms like those of a common allergy, and above all, a smell of shrimp," he said, laying out the last four words slowly and with much emphasis. Amy's eyes darted around nervously.

"What? Where is this place, then? And what's going on?"

"This is hardly what I'd call a restaurant. It's a ship. For humans, at least, it's the ship. You remember the Starship UK? Meant to save England from a dying Earth until it recovered? Didn't work. This is all that's left, and it's looking for a new home. Think of it like the Ark, but every surviving human is aboard, along with every Earth-native species and then some. What we've got on our hands is the 'and then some.'"

"Great, what does any of this have to do with shrimp?" Amy stammered, the tip of her nose still pressed up by the Doctor's thumb.

"Something's broken loose. Pleocymata Bivalai to be precise. Think of them as airborne krill; they microscopically float around in the air, going wherever the wind takes them. And, Miss Pond, you seemed to have inhaled them. I won't ask how you managed that, but I will tell you something else. Once they've settled, they're not really like krill. Now that they've got a perfect habitat, they're more like mussels. They're holding on tight, and unless I can enact my plan quickly enough, they won't be coming out for a long time."

"Excellent. What's your plan?" Amy inquired desperately. She leaned back, escaping the Doctor's grasp on her head. As soon as her nose fell back into place, the intense itch returned.

"My plan is to think of a plan as soon as possible. I'd rather not get involved in the reproductive activity among regional mollusks."

Amy gave the Doctor the thumbs up with both hands, but she was quickly overwhelmed by another waist-bending "HaaaaSHOOO!" She scrunched up her face and rubbed her nose vertically once more. With her eyes closed, Amy didn't notice the flashing red lights.

"ALERT. DISTURBANCE HAS BEEN DETECTED. DEPLOY COUNTERMEASURE A."

Amy snapped back to attention at the sound of the robotic voice blaring through the corridor.

"Whah… Hah-Hahh-Hahhh HaaaaSHHOOO! What was that?"

"This's a sleeper ship. Nobody's awake. Or at least, nobody's supposed to be. In other words, we're not supposed to be here. The only question is what's 'countermeasure a'?"

Amy could only sneeze in response, but the question was answered soon enough. A series of bulkheads began to close along the corridor. The first sealed the duo off from the TARDIS, but the rest of the ship remained open. Without hesitation, the Doctor grabbed Amy's wrist and pulled her off down the hall.

"Doctor!? Where are we going? Ha-Haah HaaaSHOO!"

"The ship's mainframe. The only way we're getting out of here is if I release the quarantine. Plus, we really don't want to find out what countermeasure z is."

Before too long the closing bulkheads came to an end and the duo found themselves in a circular room lined with doors. In the center was an open, round hatch with a ladder extending down into its darkness. The Doctor stood over the hole and pointed his screwdriver at it. He clicked it on for a second, its green light illuminating its depths to an extent, but it revealed much more than could be seen.

"Brilliant. The mainframe is at the bottom of this ladder, all thirty seven decks of it. You wait here, and I'll be right back."

"You always… Ha-Hah-Hahh HaaaSHOOO! HaaaSHOO! HaSHHHOO! You always say that," Amy pouted, crossing her arms and turning away from the Doctor. He turned her around and leaned in close to her face.

"I mean it this time. Trust me, I'm the Doctor."

"DISTURBANCE STATUS ELEVATED. THREAT HAS BEEN DETECTED. BYPASS COUNTERMEASURES B THROUGH F. DEPLOY COUNTERMEASURE G."

Both the Doctor and Amy looked up at the loudspeakers on the room's ceiling. A hissing sound dully reached the circular room, followed by what sounded like the clomping of heavy boots. This time, they were fairly certain what the countermeasure was.

"As I said, I'll be right back," the Doctor continued, his tone remaining steady as if nothing had changed. "You can't just stand around, however. Too exposed, especially with this." With his last word, the Doctor started to tap Amy's nose with his screwdriver.

"Now, where's a nice place for you to lay low?"

"Doctor?"

"I can't bring you down there with me. Thirty seven decks was meant for an elevator. Ladder's only there for emergencies."

"Doctor."

"And I'm here for emergencies, so naturally, I should take the ladder, and you should stay right-"

"Doctor!"

The Doctor silently returned his gaze to Amy and saw that he was still absently tapping her nose with the sonic screwdriver.

"Could you stop?"

"You could have moved. Anyway, you need to stay right…" The Doctor spun around the room in a slow circle, clicking his screwdriver on and off. "Here." He came to a stop pointing at the door directly behind Amy after making about three full rotations. The door unlocked and swung open, revealing what appeared to be nothing more than a normal closet. Amy rolled her eyes once again.

"Hiding in a closet. How… Hah… HaaaSHOO! How original!" She stepped into the small enclosure and shut the door. Amy heard the sonic screwdriver buzz followed by the sound of the door relocking. The Doctor tapped on it twice quickly as if to say goodbye and then returned to the ladder.

"Geronimo!" he called out as he slid down toward the mainframe, the sound fading away as he disappeared into the depths.

"HaaaSHHHOOOOO!" Amy let out one last sneeze, hoping it would make it easier to control herself later if she needed to. For the time being, she tried to be quiet, rubbing her nose vigorously with her palm again. At last, everything was silent. However, just as Amy was starting to get comfortable, the sound of the heavy footsteps returned, much closer this time around. It sounded like they were right outside the door, prowling around the circular room. Amy held her breath, but naturally this level of suspense meant another sneeze was creeping up on her.

When Amy felt the urge to sneeze return, she clapped a hand over her mouth and nose, but not before letting out a soft gasp. The footsteps immediately halted, and Amy knew she had been found. The sound resumed, heading directly toward her hiding place. Whatever it was began to pound on the door, shaking Amy's comparatively small body with each impact. Just before it broke through, however, the computer's voice rang out one last time.

"THREAT HAS BEEN CATALOGED. RETRACT ALL COUNTERMEASURES."

The drone began to slowly lumber away the instant the announcement ended. Amy let out a sigh of relief that gave way to another "HaaaSHHOO!" Standing up, she tried to open the door, but it was still locked.

"Doctor? Hello, Doctor? You can let me out… Hah-Hahh-Hahhh HaaSHOO!"

Before she knew it, the sonic screwdriver buzzed and opened the closet, and Amy was free. She immediately leaped out of the closet and gave the Doctor a 'we're still alive' hug.

"A bit faster than twelve years, no?" he teased with a smile. Amy slapped his shoulder playfully and followed him out of the room and back down the corridor.

"Good job, what with turning off the defenses and all, but there's still the problem of my little nose-krill," Amy complained, leaning against the Doctor as they walked. They reached the TARDIS in no time and stepped inside.

"We'll get that sorted out in no time. If we return them to their natural habitat, they'll willingly leave you be. It'll just be a minute."

Amy smiled and leaned against the TARDIS's center console. "You always… HaaaSHOOO! You always say that."

The Doctor chuckled in response as he began to tinker with an assortment of dials and knobs. The whirring sound commenced again as the police box disappeared from the corridor, leaving the chrome ship behind. Amy cocked her head and stared off into space, taking a moment to rub her nose up and down with her palm.

"Now that it's over, what do you suppose countermeasure z was?"

---

"DISTURBANCE STATUS ELEVATED. THREAT STATUS ELEVATED. MORTAL DANGER TO HUMAN RACE HAS BEEN DETECTED. INITIATE WAKEUP SEQUENCE. DEPLOY COUNTERMEASURE Z. BEGIN MAINFRAME PURGE."

The ship's loudspeaker system blared out its final warning, rousing what remained of the humans from their sleep. Once the computer's ultimatums had been fully processed, the mainframe began to open trillions of redundant programs. The six-deck tall tower began to overheat for the purpose of self-destruction. However, its grinding and whirring faded into nothingness as a glowing, smile-like crack appeared along its side.

[count tiszula]

A terrific story! The essence of the characters and the current plot lines is fully captured [after all, Amy has already admitted to being fed up with running along corridors] and the idea of sneezy molluscs multiplying in her lovely redhead's nose is perfect! [and could lead to wonderful things].

I'm just a bit disappointed that the inevitable SwH scene was curtailed before its inevitable climax; but that's just me......

[Blah!?]

Thanks for the comments!

As far as the SwH scene goes, I originally intended to play it straight, but as I was writing I led myself to make it an intentional subversion. As much as I love moments like those, I feel like I've used them in practically all of my stories already. I'll be sure to work one into my next story, though.

[Pseudosneeze]

Nicely done. Thanks for writing this.

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Wonderful story.

And you definitely got the characters right!

I could totally picture them while reading the story.

[swann_ee_song]

Um, wow.

The ending was amazing! You even integrated the cracks in the wall!

Plus, a lovely Scottish redhead sneezing? And the Doctor to the rescue. You had it all.

[Vetinari]

Wow! Both delicious and perfectly in character. Thanks for writing this and please do continue!

[Giant Steps]

That was awsome! I don't even watch the show that much but Karen Gillan is lurrrvely. As far as I can tell it was very convincing and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Bravo!!

[zneeze]

I don't know Doctor Who all too well, but I like Amy so far Good work as always Blah!

[SneezeloveronGirls]

This is a Awesome story.Are you going to make a sequel?It would be awesome if the inside of Amy's Nose became like a planet for those krill and impossible for Amy to get rid of them.

[djcatdj]

i do happen to watch doctor who and i think you have done a great job