Female Blah's unfinished story landfill

[Blah!?]

So. Things are happening. I've gone through phases like this before, but I've been unable to finish any fetish stories for such a long time now that I'm generally feeling pretty dismayed about the whole business. I'm not saying this with any finality, but I think my days of writing stories here may be coming to an end. I decided that if that is the case, I have so much crap that I've poured my heart and soul into for this place that will never get shared. After going through my archive, I've pulled up a bunch of unfinished stories that, at this point, I'll probably never get around to completing. I'm just going to dump them all here in case people wanted to read them. Maybe I'll go back to some of them someday, but that's really based more on whether I think I can than how much people here like them.

For now I'm going to post a list of titles and synopses, and then I'll start adding the stories in replies to this post. I'll try to go back and add links to where each story starts, but I'm feeling pretty lazy so I make no promises. Finally, I may eventually add a few paragraphs on what I ultimately planned to do with the rest of these stories, but I'm going to leave that off for now. I'll go back and add those if people want me to, but just in case you prefer to imagine your own endings or whatever, I'm leaving that out.

Anyway, these stories have waited long enough, so let's not waste any more time.

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1. Urban Reclamation - A freelance photographer and urban explorer visits an abandoned, overgrown factory. There, she has an encounter with a nature spirit that aggravates her allergies...

2. Slice of Death - A little episodic series I started in an attempt to fill the void left by my inability to continue The Adventure Club. It follows the (un)lives of a variety of pop-culture monsters as they attend a university for the dark arts.

3. Secret Service with a Smile - Inspired by Kingsman: The Secret Service, this was going to be a short series that followed a super spy as she went undercover as a maid to protect a VIP family. I will say my initial plans for this story were Kentucky Church Scene levels of violent to the point where I may not have posted it at all, but I never got that far.

4. The Princess, the Witch and the Nose-job - Self-indulgence at its best, this is was a short-ish series about a princess in a fantasy kingdom. She wakes up the morning after her 21st birthday to discover a strange (and oddly specific) curse has been placed on her...

5. Do Androids Contemplate Murder Like Electric Sheep? - A more serious and down-to-earth story about a detective in the near future who struggles to investigate the murder of an android after catching a bad cold. Just typing that out makes me kind of mad that I never finished this one...

6. Sweethearts! - A pair of high school friends become magical girls. Because why not. There's also cute stupid mascot animals. And sneezing. I was actually fairly close to finishing this one, but I could never figure out an ending that I liked.

7. Triumph of the Stars - Another Adventure Club hole-filler, I planned for this to be my sci-fi epic magnum opus. It stars a pair of high school friends living on a giant space station, which has been humanity's home for as long as anyone can remember. After doing some research for a school project, the friends decide to dive deeper than anyone else ever has and discover the true history of the space station. I only finished one chapter, but I had big plans for this one.

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And that's all, for now at least. I'm keeping one or two more stories up my sleeve just in case I manage to finish them, and something about them feels different enough that I think I might actually be able to do it. In the meantime, put the lack of closure aside and enjoy.

[Blah!?]

1. Urban Reclamation

A lone industrial complex stood abandoned in rural Ohio, undisturbed for over fifty years. There had been no documented visits to the plant since the 1960s, but Fern Bellafiore was about to change that. The young lady put on a subtle smile as she rode her bike down an uneven dirt road, weeds and roots encroaching over more and more of the path the farther she traveled from civilization. Eventually the road became too jagged for Fern's bike to navigate, forcing her to continue on foot.

"Ahh... HAA'tshiew!"

Fern sneezed after dismounting, but she thought little of it as she guided her bike off the side of the road. All the various forest weeds were tickling Fern's nostrils with their pollen, but she had come prepared. She was well stocked with pills and tissues, and having already taken a dose of medication, her seasonal allergies would do little more than cause a few isolated sneezes.

After traveling a few feet away from the edge of the road, Fern laid her bike down in a patch of tall grass, hiding it from view. She made a mental note of where she had left it, taking in trees and unique plants as landmarks, and then she resumed her journey. The walk to the complex's perimeter fence was relatively short, and Fern stopped to take her first photograph. She removed her digital camera from her backpack, focused it down the tunnel created by the trees on either side of the road, and then she snapped a lush, green and yellow picture.

Carefully packing her camera away, Fern made sure her backpack was secure before attempting to climb over the fence. Fern was short, but she had a stocky build, and scaling the industrial plant's fence proved a simple task. When she dropped to the ground on the far side, however, she remained hunched over for a few seconds as she felt a sneeze coming on.

"Hih... Ah'kCH!"

Folding her left arm in front of her face, Fern haphazardly covered her sneeze as her head bobbed forward. She sniffed harshly, and then she gave her freckled nose a slow, vertical rub with the palm of her hand. Her allergies were acting up a little more than she had hoped, but she had been through much worse before. Sniffing again, Fern scrunched her nose around in a small circle as she continued on, eager to take some interior shots.

The closest building to the fence appeared to be a delivery center. Rusted train tracks cut through the ground beside it, and Fern followed them to an entrance. She was sure the actual doors were chained shut, and she wasn't interested in causing any sort of property damage. Luckily the loading area was wide open, and Fern was able to simply walk inside.

The entire first floor of the building was almost completely empty. Nothing remained but load-bearing pillars and a rickety metal staircase leading up to a second floor. It was most likely an administration office and therefore one of the less exciting locations Fern would visit, but she made a point to leave no stone unturned. She cautiously climbed the stairs, pleased to find that they were sturdier than they looked.

"Ha'tCHiew!"

Fern sneezed again as she reached the top of the stairs. Her small nostrils filled with a sweet scent, tickling her nasal passages so fiercely that her eyes began to water. Fern blinked rapidly to clear her vision and she shook her head, refusing to be deterred. As she paused, she did finally notice how overgrown the place had become. Weeds were sprouting from every nook and cranny, and looking at the for only a few seconds made Fern close her eyes and wrinkle her turned-up nose. Sure that progressing forward would take her mind off the pollen, Fern continued on.

Stepping into an office at the corner of the building, Fern came across something she didn't expect. A woman in peculiar clothes stood opposite the door, facing out through the large, tarnished windows. Fern was startled, but she simply wrinkled her nose and narrowed her eyes, trying to take a closer look without approaching. The sugary aroma in the air intensified, but Fern ignored it as she examined the woman before her. Her actual clothing was sparse, and it appeared to be made from leaves and flower petals laid over a sparkling tint of faded green makeup that completely covered the woman's skin. Of most interest to Fern, however, was the woman's hair. As far as Fern could tell, it was composed entire of grass, vines and small flowers, and it appeared to sway and flow on an invisible breeze that Fern couldn't sense.

"Hello," said Fern, announcing her presence. She held her camera over her chest as the woman turned around, revealing more green makeup covering her face, along with mossy brown lipstick and grassy eyebrows. The woman approached slowly and Fern wanted to back away, but she found herself frozen on the spot. The sweet scent tickling her nose was more distracting than ever, and while Fern could tell it wasn't about to make her sneeze, it felt as if it was sapping away all of her energy. As the woman drew closer, Fern was unsure whether she couldn't move or if she simply didn't want to.

"Good afternoon," greeted the woman, her voice low, almost sensual. Her movements were slow but fluid. Fern found herself mesmerized by the way the woman's arms gently swayed as she walked, curling her wrists and fingers like a dancer.

"That's... That's quite a costume you have," continued Fern, forced to interrupt herself with a moist sniff. The woman let out a smooth, breathy chuckle, twirling in a slow circle to let Fern examine her again.

"Take a closer look, Miss Fern Bellafiore."

This woman knew her name. Perhaps she was familiar with Fern's work, but that did little to comfort the young photographer. Fern felt her eyelids growing exceptionally heavy, and before long they began to sink against her will. Her eyes closed for five torturous seconds, and when Fern finally managed to open them again, the mysterious woman was barely two feet away.

"I don't remember scheduling a model," muttered Fern, her previously strong voice weakening. Her small nostrils flared wide open; she could feel the sweet scent in the air forcing its way up her nose even when she exhaled, painting the deepest reaches of her nasal passages with a feathery tickle. By now it was obvious that this strange woman was the source of the aroma.

"That's one hell of a perfume," Fern grunted, her eyes narrowing again. "Wh-who are you?"

"My name is Striga," said the woman, unfurling a hand toward Fern's face. "Perhaps you know of me? Witchweed?"

Fern shook her head subtly. Striga suddenly snapped her hand back in a quick but fluid motion, swirling her arm to face her palm toward the floor.

"No matter," she continued, "no more questions, dear Wehrii. But I have another for you."

Fern's heavy eyelids sank once more, and then she felt Striga begin to gently caress her cheek. The young woman mentally pulled herself away, but her body refused to follow. No harm came to her, and Fern resolved that there was nothing she could do but wait for Striga's question.

"Are you... Allergic?"

"To... To what?" asked Fern, opening her eyes. As Striga came into view again, Fern realized that it was the woman's vine-like hair that stroked her face, not her hands. Her eyes crossed and she broke out in a cold sweat as a long, slender green finger drew closer and closer to her face. Striga touched Fern between her eyes, and then she slowly, teasingly slid her fingertip down the freckled slope of Fern's nose. She felt a tickle at the tips of her nostrils as Striga's finger crested over the end of her nose, lightly pushing it up.

"Oh, you are," cooed Striga, watching with a patronizing smile as the base of Fern's nose quivered. Fern felt the tip of Striga's finger slide torturously down her septum, blazing a trail of tickling along the edges of her nostrils. By the time Fern felt the finger touch her philtrum, she couldn't resist any longer.

"Ahh... Haah... Ah'kshIEW!"

Fern sneezed on Striga's hand, prompting her to draw back. The strange woman chuckled, sending a shiver up Fern's spine. She found herself unable to lift her head after the sneeze had thrown it forward, but Striga gently hooked the side of one finger under the tip of Fern's nose and slowly pulled it upward.

"Fern, Wehrii," Striga moaned, a disingenuous grin spreading across her face. "You are so dreadfully allergic."

Fern merely blinked before Striga took action once more. She uncurled two fingers toward Fern's face and slowly, torturously dragged them diagonally across her nostrils, stroking the underside of her nose. A ticklish sensation unlike anything Fern had ever felt before suddenly rushed through her nasal passages, dredging up an irresistible urge to sneeze. Fern's head tipped back slowly as she drew a long, shrill gasp, leaving her frozen with her nose pointed up at the ceiling.

"Hah'kCHHiew! Ah... Ahhh... Ih'tshhIEW! Hhhh... Haahhh... Ah-Ahh-Ahhh-! HAAA'chhieew!"

Fern's mobility returned as she launched into a trio of sneezes. She felt as though each one blew a torrent of grainy pollen from her nostrils, and she was sure she would see a cloud of it floating in front of her face when she opened her eyes. Nevertheless, Fern sniffed hard once the final sneeze had escaped, the suction closing her nostrils for a second. She pressed her palm to the underside of her nose and rubbed upward as hard as she could, repeating the motion half a dozen times.

Striga was nowhere to be found. In fact, aside from her tickly nose, every strange sensation Fern had been feeling over the past several minutes had vanished entirely. She had no trouble moving or keeping her eyes open, and her vision was as clear as she could hope for. Shaking her head, Fern refused to believe that she hadn't simply imagined everything that just transpired. In an attempt to take her mind off the confusion, she raised her camera and took a picture of the overgrown office, sharp sun beams contrasting against the filthy environment.

Letting her camera hang around her neck, Fern departed the office and descended the staircase. Once she was firmly back on the ground floor, she dug her phone out of her pocket and was pleased to discover she had a weak signal even out in the middle of nowhere. Fern attempted to search for that name Striga had called her. 'Wary.' 'Wary plant.' 'Wari.' Finally, 'Weri' returned a related result: osmunda wehrii, an extinct type of fern. Letting out an amused snort, Fern rolled her eyes and put her phone away.

[Blah!?]

2. Slice of Death

1. Moving In

An entire weekend remained before the first day of classes at The Underworld Institute, but Frankie Dalca had already completely settled into her dorm room. The young vampire's two suitemates had yet to arrive, but Frankie was excited to meet them. Hoping that at least one of them would arrive today, Frankie showered and dressed herself as quickly as she could. She returned to her bedroom as she pulled her damp black hair up into a high ponytail, and then she sat down on her bed to relax for a few minutes.

Sunlight cut through the closed blinds. Frankie's skin itched gently as the light touched it, but it had been years since such a subtle reaction bothered her. Besides, none of it compared to the tickle Frankie felt in her nose as the light fell across her eyes. She squinted, her crimson irises enlarging to contract her pupils. Frankie pushed a folded knuckle against her septum and rubbed, but she already knew a sneeze was inevitable. The vampire's triangular nostrils flared and her tapered eyebrows arched as she drew a series of quick breaths.

"Ihh... Haah... HAAAkshh!"

Holding her forearm in front of her pale face, Frankie let out a loud sneeze. Her head only bobbed lightly in contrast to the sound, and she might have been a little embarrassed if anyone was around to hear her. Clenching her eyes shut and wrinkling her upturned nose, Frankie vigorously rubbed her knuckle against her nostrils and septum, willing the rest of the tickle to leave her alone. As she pushed herself up from her bed, however, she could feel another sneeze coming on.

"HaaaKSHooh!"

Stumbling back toward the common room, Frankie pinched her soft nose between her thumb and forefinger to stop a sniffle. Finally, she pushed two outstretched fingers across her nostrils and opened her eyes, giving a bit of a start at what she saw.

"Hello!" Frankie greeted enthusiastically, beaming at the new arrival. A short girl wearing a plain white gown stood before her, with long, stringy black hair that completely obscured her head from all sides. She was hunched over slightly, but Frankie could detect a pleasant aura.

"You must be one of my suitemates," continued Frankie, giving a wave. "I'm Francesca Dalca, but you can call me Frankie. What's your name?"

The mysterious girl stood still and silent as the grave.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Yoko Kurosawa. Are you a onryo? I'm a vampire myself," Frankie said, proudly flashing her fangs for a second. Yoko gave a slow, gentle nod. Frankie smiled warmly, debating whether she should give her new friend a hug. Before she could make up her mind, however, another beam of sunlight snuck in through the common room window. It caught the corner of Frankie's eye, and before she could stop herself she had reflexively turned to look, if only for a split second.

"Ehhh... Hehhh..." the vampire breathed, fanning her face with one hand. Her wrist went limp and she raised her forearm to block the sneeze. Yoko seemed unfazed, even as Frankie bellowed out a harsh "HaaksCHOO!"

The onryo tilted her head gently to the side as Frankie recovered. Forcing her eyes open as she rubbed her nose, the vampire sighed and shrugged her shoulders.

"Ugh, excuse me," she groaned, flicking the tip of her nose up with a knuckle. "This isn't as bad as being outdoors, at least. Indirect sunlight just makes me sneeze, even if the only barrier is something like a window. It really only bothers me in the morning, until the sun gets higher up. Anyway, do you need any help moving in? I'm already all set, so I'm happy to lend a hand."

Yoko shook her head, indicating that she didn't have many possessions to deal with. Frankie smiled again, and she was about to offer a tour of the suite when the common room door suddenly burst open to reveal the third and final tenant. Frankie and Yoko turned to face the tall young woman standing in the doorway, both silently mesmerized by her classically attractive features. Most notably a small pair of wings were visible over her shoulders, and two tiny horns protruded through her luscious blonde hair.

"H-hello," greeted Frankie, shaking her head to clear her mind. She could already tell the new arrival was a succubus: her wings and horns were a perfect match, and her unnatural allure was a dead giveaway. Her only unusual feature was the pair of rectangular-lensed glasses perched on her nose, not typically associated with a succubus's brand of attractiveness.

"Hey, you two," she said in a sultry voice, uncurling her fingers in the direction of her suitemates. Frankie swallowed and stole a glance at Yoko, and she had to force a tiny squeal back down her throat when she realized she could very nearly see the onryo blushing despite the curtain of hair covering her face.

"I'm Mina Lebeau," the succubus cooed, bowing her head. "Nice to make your acquaintance."

"M-my name's Frankie, but you can call me Frankie... Er, Francesca... Frankie. A-and this is Y-Yoko," stammered the young vampire. She could only hope Mina was accustomed to this kind of reaction, and she hoped she wasn't being rude. The succubus chuckled and glanced around at the three doors flanking the common room.

"Frankie, sugar, can you help me set up my computer?" asked Mina, placing one hand on her bosom and gesturing to her bags with the other. "I'm late for a raid."

"R-raid?"

Frankie glanced past Mina, and the steamy feeling in her head and chest instantly drained away when she saw a bag full of video games and strategy guides. Pulling her lips tight into an awkward smile, Frankie nodded and led Mina to her room. Their suite was shaping up to be a bastion of nerds, and the succubus was the nerdiest of them all.

2. P.E. Orientation

"Come on, Mina! We're going to be late!" Frankie groaned, knocking on her suitemate's door. A few seconds passed in silence, prompting her to knock again.

"Oh, Frankie, sugar," came Mina's seductive voice from the other side of the door. "Can't I have just a few more minutes?"

"We don't have a few more minutes!" stammered the vampire, throwing her arms up in the air.

"But why doesn't Yoko have to go?"

Frankie turned to her other new friend with a concerned expression. After staring at the silent onryo for a few seconds, she put her hands on her hips and grumbled to herself before answering Mina's question.

"She says she's exempt because she can't run!" Frankie explained. She turned to Yoko once more and watched her silently float across the floor as she returned to her room. A lock of the onryo's hair lifted itself up and waved.

"Alright, I'll see you later," Frankie replied in a friendly tone. Mina's bedroom door opened before the vampire could turn to face it again, and Frankie found herself half pleased, half confused. The succubus wore nothing but her glasses, a t-shirt and a pair of underwear covered with cute characters Frankie could only assume were from a video game. Frankie's nostrils flared in frustration but she kept the rest of her expression calm.

"Nevermind, I'll just go by myself..."

After a subtle guilt trip, Frankie finally managed to convince Mina to clothe herself and come along. It was only a short walk to the gymnasium, but neither suitemate fared particularly well. Even with a large, dark umbrella to shield herself from the sun, Frankie was sluggish and sweaty. Mina was in no danger of bursting into flames, but she began sniffing almost constantly the instant she stepped outside.

"Hey... Are you doing okay?" panted Frankie, weakly glancing up at the succubus. Mina gently rubbed a long, slender finger under her sharp nose, but she managed a smile.

"Quite alright, darling," she cooed, scrunching her nose to the left with a light sniff. "It's just my... Ooh... My hay fever."

The rest of the walk continued in silence. Frankie had never heard of a succubus being allergic to anything but cheap, counterfeit perfumes before. Still, she wasn't one to judge. Maybe glasses and pollen allergies were big in the human world these days. As the suitemates arrived in the gymnasium, they discovered that most of the other students had already formed various groups. Frankie and Mina tried to find their way into one, but the succubus suddenly stopped in her tracks and began to daintily fan her face with one hand.

"Aahhh..."

Mina drew a deep, almost sensual breath. Frankie and a few other students couldn't help but turn and stare. The succubus slowly reared back her head, simultaneously squeezing her thighs together, and once her face was pointing directly up at the ceiling, she delicately placed a finger under her nostrils. Each of Mina's inhalations was more labored and passionate than the last, and after just a few Frankie was unsure whether she was about to sneeze or be suspended for public indecency.

"Aaaahhhhh... Aaaaaahhhhhhh... Aaaaahhhhh-! Aaahhh'CHii!"

Mina's enormous buildup gave way to a tiny squeak of a sneeze, but it still managed to throw her so far forward at the waist that she nearly fell over. The succubus stumbled toward Frankie and leaned against her friend for stability, letting out a series of weakening moans as she calmed down.

"Oh, I love to sneeze! It feels so wonderful!" Mina proclaimed, draping her arms over Frankie's shoulders. The vampire blushed and turned her eyes to the ceiling to avoid looking at anyone. She could hear more than a few students snickering, but the sound was quickly drowned out by the approach of heavy, metallic footfalls.

"You lot!" called a commanding voice with a thick Irish accent. "Are you two taking the piss?"

Frankie and Mina turned toward the voice to find a decapitated woman in a black suit of armor marching toward them, her severed head tucked under her left arm. A column of thin black smoke rose from the woman's neck, but her head seemed to behave perfectly normally as though it were still attached.

"N-no, ma'am," said Frankie, gently lifting Mina off of her. The succubus rubbed her nose with a smile and bowed her head respectfully.

"It was only a sneeze," she explained, sniffing lightly. "You know, hay fever."

Mina's perpetual bedroom voice made her sound less than serious, but the P.E. coach seemed to believe her. She reached her right arm around to her head and pinched the bridge of her nose, letting out a sigh.

"Aye, hay fever," she groaned. "Be wide about that, eh? There'll be plenty of plonkers about looking to get your hole if that's how you sneeze."

Frankie tried to piece together what the teacher had said, but Mina nodded immediately. The dullahan nodded back as well as she could with no head on her shoulders, and then she took her place before the group of students.

"Good morning! My name is Colleen O'Meara, and I'll be your head physical education instructor. Before we get started, why don't we head outside? This place is jammers!"

3. Fallen

Once classes were over for the day, Frankie enjoyed a calm walk back to her dorm. The weather was pleasantly cloudy, so the young vampire left her umbrella closed to enjoy the gray sky to the fullest. Frankie came to a stop in the center of the quad when she noticed it was surprisingly empty, and she simply tipped her head back and stared up at the clouds. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath through her nose and savored the moist, pre-rain scent. As her eyes opened again, Frankie caught sight of a tiny speck of white floating downward toward her face.

It was obviously far too warm for snow, but Frankie didn't question it. She was too happy to be out during the day to worry about something small. Closing her eyes again, Frankie smiled as the white speck landed gently on the upturned tip of her nose. Realizing it was a tiny feather, she let out a quiet giggle that sent the fluff floating away. It was drawn back in by her breath, however, and it flitted across the underside of Frankie's nose before finally blowing away.

The vampire's triangular nostrils flared. Just enough of the feather had reached inside them to send a tickle shooting up Frankie's nasal passages, and she was already sure she was about to sneeze. She barely managed a single limp wave at her face with her right hand before she lost herself completely, and then she threw back her head and held up her forearm.

"Ehhh... Ihhhh... HeeKCH!"

As Frankie bobbed forward with the force of her sneeze, she felt and heard what could have only been an explosion. She gasped and jumped back the instant she regained her senses, thinking that she must have caused some kind of catastrophe. When she opened her eyes, however, Frankie discovered that she had narrowly avoided being crushed by someone falling out of the sky.

A young woman around Frankie's age in appearance lay motionless in a crater in the center of the quad. Frankie couldn't help but stare for a moment at the woman's inconsistent appearance. The dull, shattered remains of a halo floated above her head, and a pair of feathered white wings protruded from two holes in the back of her black t-shirt. Finally motivating herself to help, Frankie slid down into the crater and rolled the girl onto her back.

Despite falling into the ground at full speed, the would-be angel's freckled face was completely untarnished. Her skin was smooth and soft, and not a strand of her obviously-dyed inky-black hair was out of place, gently falling across her face to cover her left eye. Frankie propped the girl's back up against her knee, and she finally began to show signs of life. Her eyelids parted slowly and her long nostrils twitched, and then she suddenly drew a deep breath and sneezed.

"HaaaCHEEW!"

Tiny feathers sprayed out of the fallen angel's nose, and even more shook loose from her messy wings. Frankie waved a hand in front of her face to keep herself from inhaling any of the plumage, and she quickly returned to cradling the angel as she began to cough.

"Hey! Are you okay?" the vampire called out, lightly shaking the girl. The angel's one visible eye snapped open and fixed on Frankie's.

"I am so very miserable," she groaned, her voice low and flat. "But it would appear I've been accepted into the Underworld Institute. This is the only happy thing that's ever happened to me."

"Okay, well, congratulations," said Frankie, unable to hide her concern. "But you just fell out of the sky. You need to go to the doctor."

The fallen angel ignored Frankie's words. Her eye seemed to flick down to the vampire's mouth for a second, and then she rolled onto her knees and clawed at Frankie's shirt.

"Teach me your ways," she pleaded. Frankie tried to escape, but the angel managed to cling to her as she scooted away.

"But... I'm a vampire, not an angel. Or even a fallen one..."

"You exist in shadow," the angel elaborated, drawing herself up to Frankie's face. "My soul is blackened. I can no longer live in the light."

Frankie's eyes darted left and right, desperately looking for a way out. She noticed the angel's nose begin to crinkle at the bridge, and Frankie placed her hands on the young woman's shoulders to push her away just as she sneezed again.

"IhhCHHeew!"

Frankie scampered back up to the edge of the crater as the angel tumbled down into the center. She curled into a ball, wrapping her wings around herself.

"Even the darkness has forsaken me," she moaned, rolling onto her other side. "Truly I shall only ever know despair. Haahh... AAAHHcheeew!"

Tiny feathers burst from the angel's wings as she sneezed a third time. Frankie rubbed a finger under her own nostrils as some of the plumage nearly reached her face. After flicking the tip of her nose up with a knuckle, she leaned a bit closer to the fallen angel to offer her sympathies.

"Er, are you okay?"

The winged woman said nothing.

"My name's Frankie Dalca. What's yours?"

"I am Seraphina Enepsigos," the angel replied after a defeated groan. She rose to her feet and spread her wings, which continued to shed feathers like rain. After taking a moment to survey her surroundings, Seraphina located the nearest dorm building and turned to face it.

"May your days be brighter than mine, vampire. Now I must take up my new residence." she said, furiously beating her molting wings as they struggled to generate any lift. Eventually the angel managed to take off, but she only flew for a moment before a falling black suitcase smacked her out of the sky, slamming her into a fresh crater just a few yards away.

[Blah!?]

3. Secret Service with a Smile

Penny Parker had been housekeeper to the Delavan family for nearly two years. Even after such a short time they had already come to trust her completely, and they very nearly treated her like family. Penny suspected they missed having their own children around the mansion, now graduated and out in the working world. The maid always kept her side of the relationship completely professional, but at heart she didn't mind being thought of as a daughter.

Still, the heads of the Delavan household traveled for work and vacation as much as any other wealthy family might, leaving Penny to tend to their estate on her own. This was one such occasion, with husband and wife leaving the country to celebrate a major breakthrough in their work. They had been prestigious medical researchers for over twenty years, and their astounding success was a large part of why Penny wanted to become their housekeeper in the first place.

Careful to always keep a smile on her face, Penny approached the first window in the Delavan mansion's entryway. She spread a cloth in front of the door and set her cleaning supplies down, and then she selected an elegant feather duster as she returned to her feet. Discreetly holding her breath, Penny dusted around the windowsill, dispersing a barely visible layer of gray.

Even without the help of her breath, dust floated freely into Penny's teardrop-shaped nostrils as she cleaned. Her soft nose crinkled subtly at the bridge, and she extended the index finger of her free hand to rub underneath. Penny continued to dust diligently even as she daintily rubbed her nose, but before long she was forced to come to a stop. Her nostrils flared open for a second and her eyes narrowed behind the large, oval-shaped lenses of her glasses. Penny stood frozen in place for a split second, her finger still held against her nostrils, and then her head quickly bobbed forward.

“He'KNT-chooh...”

Keeping her finger pressed firmly to the underside of her nose, Penny stifled a dusty sneeze and let out a delicate breath in the aftermath. She would have excused herself politely if she hadn't already known she was alone, and she nearly did so anyway out of habit. Then, giving her tickly nostrils one last rub left and right, Penny returned to her dusting. The housekeeper's smile disappeared only for a second as she wrinkled her nose again, but she finished her first round of cleaning an instant later and she took a breath of fresh air as she walked to the next window.

Just as Penny finished dusting the entryway, a knock came at the front door. She was already on her way to retrieve her supplies, so all she had to do was slide her cloth out of the way. After taking a second to tuck the sides of her bobbed hair behind her ears, Penny put on a big smile and pulled the door open. A woman dressed in a spotless business suit stood outside, with a young man, presumably her assistant, just a few steps behind.

“Good morning! May I help you?” Penny greeted in a friendly voice, moving her eyes up the woman's body until their gazes met. She instantly recognized this visitor as Allison Grey, the young new executive at Apex Pharmaceuticals. Allison met Penny's smile with one of her own, but the housekeeper could tell there was an ulterior motive behind this unexpected visit.

“Hey there!” Allison replied, giving Penny a little wave. “As you probably already guessed, I'm Allison Grey, CEO, Apex Pharmaceuticals. Would you happen to know if, like, the doctors Delavan are here right now?”

“Unfortunately I'm afraid they're currently unavailable. Would you like me to convey a message?” answered the housekeeper, lightly shaking her head. Allison's smile remained as bright as ever, and she clasped her hands in front of her chest.

“They must still be away on vacation. Darn it, I keep missing them,” Allison giggled. Penny kept up her smile, but she was starting to feel a bit uneasy. The fact that the Delavans were on vacation wasn't exactly a secret, but it just rubbed her the wrong way that Allison already knew without being told.

“Anyway, I guess I don't really have, like, a message for them. You can just tell them they'll be hearing from me very soon, miss, er...”

“Parker,” the housekeeper said, graciously bowing her head. “Penny Parker. I... Ah...”

Penny's introduction slowed to a halt as she felt a sneeze coming on. Her head tipped back as her outstretched index finger found its way up to her nostrils. She didn't have time to rub, but she made sure to press her finger to the underside of her nose before sneezing.

“Ha'KNN-chooh...”

“Gesundheit!” Allison cooed as she watched Penny's head dip with a stifled sneeze. The housekeeper quickly lifted her gaze and delicately rubbed her finger under her nose, adjusting her slipped glasses by the corner with her free hand.

“Excuse me,” Penny apologized, forcing herself not to rub her nose while speaking. “I have a bit of a dust allergy.”

“Ohmigod, no way!” exclaimed Allison with a hearty laugh. “The maid's allergic to dust? That is too funny! You're just the best, Penny.”

“Thank you, Miss Grey,” said Penny, bowing her head once more. “I'll let the Delavans know you wish to speak with them when they return.”

“Thank you, Penny!” Allison replied, raising up one finger. She held her hand horizontally and then slowly moved it toward the housekeeper's face. Penny's eyes crossed as she watched Allison's hand draw ever closer. The spirited visitor didn't seem particularly threatening, but her mannerisms had been making Penny uncomfortable ever since she arrived.

“Boop!” Allsion chirped, squishing Penny's nose with the tip of her finger. She laughed, letting her hand fall back to her side, and Penny forced a quiet chuckle to match. Finally, the visitor took a step away from the door, lifting her hand again to wave.

“Nice to meet you, Penny. Buh-bye!”

“Have a nice day, ma'am.”

Penny shut the door the instant Allison's back was turned. It didn't take a genius to know that the young executive was up to something, and the presence of her ominous assistant certainly didn't help her image. Penny made a mental note about him in particular. Throughout the entirety of Allison's visit, the young man never once made eye contact with the housekeeper. Instead, Penny noticed he was looking past her, at the inside of the mansion. Even still, there was nothing she could do but return to her duties.

After taking a lunch break at noon, Penny headed upstairs to begin work on the second floor. Aside from the master bedroom, most of the second floor had seen very little use ever since the Delavan children left home. While Penny never looked for any excuse to be lazy, the second floor was simply a lower priority, and thus it always tended to be slightly dustier. The housekeeper gently rubbed her nose as she moved from room to room, and her stifled sneezes became more frequent.

“Heh... Eh'KNT-chooh...”

Penny stopped in the doorway of the second floor guest bedroom, her head snapping downward with a sneeze. The maid allowed herself a moment of indulgence, firmly scrubbing her finger back and forth under her tickly nose for just a few seconds before she shook her head, cleared her throat and returned to her work. She finished dusting around the windowsills, gently setting her cleaning implement down before stepping over to a decorative wooden wall. Grabbing a concealed handle, Penny pulled the side of the wall down toward the floor, revealing the room's queen-size bed. Just as she began to check the sheets, however, she became vaguely aware that something was amiss.

-----

Six large computer monitors sat before Allison Grey in her private office, each showing its own view of the Delavan mansion. The cameras jostled lightly as they approached the estate, and once they reached the walls they found their way inside as discreetly as possible. Allison feigned apathy by filing her fingernails, silently waiting for something interesting to happen. Each of the six cameras entered the manor in different ways, but before long they all displayed a similar image: a group of masked men standing in the estate's entryway. The group stood in rough circle, half wearing hidden cameras and half without. After delegating responsibilities, three crept quietly up the master staircase while the other nine began to scour the ground floor.

“Luckily the floor plans are in the public domain,” said Tina, Allison's secretary. Allison scoffed, still tending to her fingernails.

“Oh, don't be silly Tina. Nothing this important is going to be in anybody's blueprints,” Allison giggled, stealing a glance up at the monitors. Of the six, only one had headed upstairs.

“But what if it's like, just a hard drive or something?” postulated Tina, turning around to make eye contact with her employer.

“Oh, there may also be a hard drive, but it's not going to just be a hard drive. Let's say we, like, find the hard drive and smash it, and then we go home. When the Delevans come back, they're going to be all 'What the eff!? Some jerkface broke our backup hard drive! But at least they didn't get this other thing we hid someplace else!' That's why we have to be very, very careful.”

“If this is such an important job then, maybe we shouldn't have just hired a bunch of goons in ski masks,” Tina groaned, massaging her temples as she stared up at the screens. Allison chuckled, finally looking up from her nails.

“Twelve goons in ski masks, if you please,” she elaborated, weaving her fingers together. “Besides, we still have the commandos in reserve. Right, Godfrey?”

“Of course, madame,” replied Allison's young butler. He took a step toward her chair from behind and placed a hand on the executive's shoulder. Allison covered it with a hand of her own, smiling up at him for a second before looking back at the monitors. The camera on the second floor turned down a hallway and slowly approached an open door on the left side, careful not to make a sound.

“Hhhh-! Ha'KNT-chooh...”

The camera froze as the quiet sound of a stifled sneeze came from inside the open room. After glancing back at the other two burglars for a second, the leader of the trio silently peered around the door frame. A maid stood by the window of the guest bedroom, her back turned. She sharply blew her nose into a handkerchief, seemingly oblivious to her onlookers.

---

“Excuse me,” Penny apologized, alerted to the intruders' presence without so much as turning her head. The leader looked to his companions once more, and then he approached.

“We ain't here to hurt nobody,” he said, placing a hand on Penny's shoulder. She quickly turned away from him, escaping his grasp without lifting a finger. “If you walk down the stairs and out the door without making a peep, you're free to go.”

Penny stared up at the man, neither fear nor anger in her eyes. Her gaze turned to the other two intruders for a second, and then back to the leader. All three of the masked men had entered the guest bedroom, and even the one closest to the door was a good five steps away from it. Knowing better than to put up a fuss, Penny stepped toward the door. She touched the left arm of her glasses as she passed the lead burglar. The lenses of her spectacles seemed to flash for an instant, but the glow vanished so quickly that even a watchful eye might have missed it.

“Be sure to hurry back once we're done,” quipped one of the other men as Penny arrived at the door. “We might make a bit of a mess.”

Penny froze just short of the doorway, her arms calmly at her sides. Her used handkerchief hung loosely from her left hand, and she quickly glanced down at it before turning her eyes to the door handle. The housekeeper reached for the door, quadrupling the already high tension in the guest bedroom.

“Cleanliness,” Penny, wrapping her fingers around the handle.

“Is next,” she continued, closing the door.

“To godliness,” the maid concluded, flipping the lock. The intruders drew in behind her, carefully reaching for the knifes tucked into their belts. Keeping her back turned, Penny tightened her grip on her handkerchief.

“Why tidy a mess when you could have avoided it altogether?”

The three burglars sheepishly glanced back and forth between each other, none of them sure how to respond. The possibility of simply apprehending the maid with no questions asked seemed to have vacated their minds. Before they could fully grasp what Penny had said, she suddenly spun to face them, simultaneously releasing her handkerchief toward the lead intruder.

By the time the man even had time to notice the silk square settling over his face, Penny's clenched fist punched straight through it. The hit was hard enough to bruise the housekeeper's knuckles, but it also knocked the intruder out cold in a single blow. He keeled over and fell to the floor between his comrades, who could only gawk at the maid in disbelief.

“Now, this is private property and your visit was unannounced, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave,” said Penny, gently holding her hands behind her back. The intruders looked to each other for a second, and then they launched a strike of their own.

The first attacker pulled his knife from his belt and hastily thrust it toward Penny. She sidestepped the weapon, placing her hands on the man's back. Once she was safely out of the way, the housekeeper shoved her aggressor toward the door, the extra momentum causing him to embed his blade in the wood.

A second knife shot toward Penny, but she grabbed the man firmly by the arm with both hands. Turning around to face the bed, Penny heaved her attacker up over her back, flipping him onto the mattress. Before the man could right himself, the housekeeper grabbed the base of the bed and shoved it upward, folding it back up into the wall and trapping the intruder inside.

The last remaining burglar was still struggling to pull his knife free from the door when Penny approached and stood behind him. He jumped up and down in frustration, trying to jiggle the blade free, and once he stopped the maid reached a hand toward him and unlocked the door. The man was frozen in place by surprise for a moment, but a second was all Penny needed. She tapped the door handle to release it from the wall, and then she grabbed the edge of the door and flung it into the intruder's head, knocking him out with an almost comical thud.

With all three burglars felled, Penny smoothed down the front of her apron and retrieved her feather duster from the windowsill. She was about to step over the fallen intruder and exit the room, but she stopped short and lifted an outstretched finger to the underside of her nose. The maid's head tipped back and then quickly thrust forward as she politely stifled a sneeze.

“Ih'KNN-chooh.”

After giving her nose a quick, dainty rub, Penny departed the bedroom and headed to the master staircase, eager to greet the rest of her uninvited guests.

---

“What the eff!?” Allison exclaimed, thrusting her hands toward the leftmost monitor. The cameraman had been laying on the floor in the Delavan's guest bedroom for the past minute, giving the Apex executive a stimulating bug's eye view of Penny as she made short work of his companions. Allison might have been speechless were she capable of holding her tongue for any length of time.

“No fair! Penny Parker is like, an effin' ninja or something!?” she continued, grabbing the sides of her head and thrashing around in her chair. Godfrey frowned sympathetically at his employer's discomfort, and Tina simply shook her head.

“First she was like 'Ha-PFF! Excuse me,'” Allison yelled, even mimicking Penny's stifled sneeze with a finger under her nose. “But now she's all 'Heee yoooo waaaahhhh hoooooo!'”

Tina's face fell into her palms as Allison leapt out of her chair and began miming martial arts poses to the best of her ability. The young executive swung an arm toward Godfrey who gently blocked it with his own, giving Allison's explosive reaction whole new meaning. She proceeded to spar with him for around ten seconds before finally running out of steam and falling back into her chair.

“Okay, that was actually like, super cool, just sayin',” Allison giggled, earning a groan from Tina. The secretary took a deep breath to calm herself, and then she turned to face her employer with a scowl.

“That maid just took out three of our guys, and you're rooting for her?” balked Tina.

“Eh, those guys are like a dime a dozen,” Allison replied dismissively. “You said it yourself: they're goons! Besides, commandos.”

Allison simultaneously snapped her fingers and pointed at Godfrey, who smiled down at her and nodded. Rolling her eyes, Tina turned back to the monitors and let out a quiet sigh.

“Should I send them in now?” she asked, already knowing how Allison would respond.

“No way, this is just getting good.”

---

Penny was sure her three attackers hadn't come alone, but their comrades were nowhere to be seen as she neared the top of the master staircase. The housekeeper looked over the entryway as she descended, and aside from a conspicuously open window, the space was just as immaculate as Penny had left it earlier. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she heard a crash from the manor's west wing, alerting her to her visitors' whereabouts. Making sure to keep her composure and never step too quickly, Penny took a detour to the nearest supply closet to retrieve some crucial cleaning implements.

The housekeeper stepped into the Delavans' home theater carrying her feather duster in her right hand and a mop in her left. Nine men dressed similarly to the three Penny had already dispatched were scattered about the room. Although the maid didn't know their exact motives, it was clear they were searching for something. Despite that, they seemed far more preoccupied with admiring the estate's entertainment system than with actually stealing any of it.

"Good afternoon," Penny greeted, turning every head in the room. The intruders immediately began to approach, far more aggressively than the previous three had. They drew their knives and moved with a purpose, quickly surrounding the maid.

[Blah!?]

4. The Princess, the Witch and the Nose-job Chapter 1

The Kingdom of Sevedalin had always been a strange place. Its people were often boisterous and friendly, but the city streets always felt somewhat gloomy due to the cold climate and perpetually gray skies. Still, it was a popular destination for people of all sorts. Sevedalin was a peaceful kingdom, and its plethora of skilled magicians always made for glorious festivals and celebrations of every kind.

The latest celebration of the day was that of Princess Tanya's twenty-first birthday. People from all across the land gathered to throw one of the most extravagant parties in Sevedalin's history. Tanya always seemed apprehensive regarding her duties as a member of the royal family, but as the eldest child she knew she was a role model whether she wanted to be or not. She was popular with the younger generations due to her informal nature, and while this did serve to alienate some of Sevedalin's elder citizens, most of them still respected Tanya's mother enough to be cordial.

Despite the grand scale of the party, Princess Tanya herself was perhaps the only person attending who was not in high spirits. Everyone she met claimed to know her, but she found that she knew none of them. She smiled and laughed as she sipped glass after glass of wine, but every gesture felt empty. Before long Tanya's will to maintain appearances had dwindled, so she wove her way through the crowd in search of her mother.

"Tanya!" called a familiar voice. The princess felt a small hand grab her wrist, and she looked down to find that her younger sister Olya had latched onto her. Olya was accompanied by a young woman Tanya could not recall. She appeared to be roughly the same age as Tanya herself, and while she smiled pleasantly, she said nothing.

"Come and play with us!" Olya demanded jovially. Tanya smiled, but she shook her head and gently pulled her wrist away.

"Not right now, Ly," she said softly, the party bustle nearly drowning her out. Olya pouted, her cheeks puffing out.

"I'm telling mother!" she yelped, thrusting her fists down toward the floor. Tanya smiled again and giggled.

"Good! I need to find her!"

Olya stormed off into the crowd, and Tanya temporarily forgot all about her sister's new friend as she followed. Surely enough, Olya swiftly made her way to Queen Maryana, sovereign ruler of Sevedalin. Tanya bowed her head as she approached, but Olya stormed straight up to her mother and tugged on her dress.

"What is it, darling?" asked Maryana, scooping Olya up in her arms. Olya flailed for a moment, but being rocked back and forth by her mother calmed her quickly. Still, she jabbed a finger at her sister and whined.

"Tanya won't play with me!"

Maryana sighed, firmly poking Olya's forehead. The young girl whined again, waving her hands at her mother. Then, the queen turned to her eldest daughter and smiled. Tanya smiled back, averting her eyes bashfully.

"Mother, I-"

"You're exhausted and you wish to retire for the evening?" Maryana asked, completing her daughter's thought. Tanya blushed subtly and nodded, weaving her fingers together in front of her waist.

"Yes, mother."

"Go ahead, run along then," replied Maryana, giving Tanya a loving smile. Tanya bowed her head respectfully, and then she made her way to the rear of the great hall, quickly but not too quickly. Just as she was about to escape into a secluded corridor, however, someone suddenly stepped in front of her. Tanya barely had time to look up before the person blocking her path suddenly flung a handful of glittering dust into the air. Blinking rapidly and wrinkling her nose as the powder tickled her face, Tanya was unable to determine the other person's identity. She thought it might have been the young woman she had seen with Olya earlier, but she had no way to be sure.

"A... Ah... AESCHH!"

Tanya sneezed loudly, clearing the dust out of her nostrils. She touched her right index finger to the underside of her nose and pushed firmly to the left, forcing any leftover tickling out of her nasal passages. Having a handful of dust thrown at her face was somewhat bothersome, but Tanya assumed it was only a harmless bit of party magic as she stepped through the ornate doors at the end of the great hall and left the celebration behind.

The princess gingerly rubbed her finger under her nose as she skipped up the stairs toward her bedroom. Her nostrils were still tickling ever so slightly; not enough to truly annoy her, but enough for her to wish it away when she could spare the effort. In fact, the tingling in her nasal passages was so faint that she forgot all about it once she arrived in her room. Tanya shed her formal dress, draping it over a chair, and then she promptly collapsed on her bed.

Although the sun had set, it was still too early for sleep. Tanya laid on top of her covers for a few minutes, only retreating underneath once the evening air cooled enough to be uncomfortable. Pulling her warm quilt up to her chin, Tanya closed her eyes. Her triangular nostrils twitched as something tickled them again, but the princess quickly swiped a finger across the underside of her nose, driving the irritation away. After taking a deep breath, Tanya sank down into her bed and finally drifted off to sleep.

The next day, things had changed in ways Tanya could not even begin to imagine. She breathed in the chilly morning air through her nose, hitching slightly as the low temperature began to tickle her.

"AESHHOO!!!"

For reasons unknown to the princess, her sudden sneeze was so enormously powerful that it blew her blankets over the foot of her bed. Still too sleepy to realize what she had just done, Tanya curled up tightly and wondered why she suddenly felt so cold. After shivering for a few minutes, the princess eventually sat up and got out of bed. She stepped into her already-open closet and retrieved a soft, fuzzy bathrobe. Tanya immediately felt warmer after slipping it on, but she could sense another sneeze coming on as she turned to close the door.

"Ah... Ahhh... AESCHHOOO!!!"

The force of Tanya's thunderous sneeze caught the side of the closet door, flinging it shut. While the sneeze itself left her unfazed, the sound of the slamming door snapped her back to her senses. Tanya stared unblinking at her reflection in the mirror on the closet door, equally mesmerized and terrified by what she saw.

Sometime in the night, Tanya's nose had grown to nearly five times its normal size. It still retained the same shape as before: long and with a regal high bridge, but it was simply so large that the rest of her features seemed tiny by comparison. The base of Tanya's nose had expanded to nearly four inches across, and the rest of the slope had widened accordingly. The princess reached a hand up in disbelief, and she gasped in shock as her fingertips brushed across the fleshy mass that dominated her face.

Still unable to fully process what had happened to her, Tanya lightly probed her nose with her fingers. It squished and distorted at the slightest touch, not unlike she was used to, and it quickly sprang back into place when released, wobbling gently under its own weight. Tanya touched her right index finger to her nose and pushed as far to the left as she could. It squished and bent so far that the tip touched her cheek with room to spare.

Letting go of her nose for a moment, Tanya took a few steps toward the mirror. She then placed the side of her finger under the tip of her nose and lifted gently. The princess managed to push the tip of her nose up so far that it nearly touched her forehead without any discomfort. She stopped when she felt a light strain on her septum, and then she peered up at her reflection in the mirror. Tanya's triangular nostrils had enlarged to match the rest of her nose. They were still the same shape she was familiar with, and they were proportionally correct relative to her nose, but at their enormous size, Tanya could easily see inside. The princess frowned and blushed subtly at the messy sight of tangled hairs in both nostrils.

Not wanting to look anymore, Tanya removed her finger and allowed her nose to fall back into place. The tip lightly bounced up and down for a second, settling as Tanya approached the mirror again. She stared intently at her reflection, still deeply confused. Before she knew it, the tip of the princess's enlarged nose pressed against the cold surface of the mirror. Finally, reality hit Tanya like a punch to the stomach. She staggered backward so frantically that she fell to the floor, barely sticking her hands out in time to steady herself. Starting to hyperventilate in a mixture of confusion and fear, Tanya reached one hand up to her face and grabbed her nose, clinging to one last sliver of hope that this was somehow an illusion.

"Mother!" the princess shrieked, unable to deny reality any longer. Too weak to stand, Tanya huddled her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs, tears welling at the corners of her eyes.

"Mother..." Tanya sobbed, her tears beginning to fall. She felt the insides of her nose starting to moisten, and she sniffled reflexively to keep any potential dripping at bay. The powerful suction created by the princess's large nostrils tugged at her bathrobe, causing it to flutter lightly.

Tanya let her forehead fall against her knees as she waited for her mother, or anyone for that matter, to come to her aid. Surely enough, the door to her bedroom opened a moment later. Maryana quickly stepped inside, accompanied by one of her handmaidens. The queen looked around the room for her daughter, stepping around to the far side of the bed when she saw the top of Tanya's head. The princess lifted her face as her mother approached, and Maryana was unable to stop a gasp when she saw what had become of Tanya's nose.

"Fetch Venera at once!" commanded the queen as she knelt beside her daughter. The handmaiden bowed her head for a second before running out of the room to retrieve the court witch. Maryana turned back to Tanya and smiled, but the princess could tell it was bittersweet.

"Oh, Tanya," cooed Maryana, wrapping her arms around her daughter. Still sniffling and spluttering, the princess hugged her back. Tanya squeezed as tightly as she could, but her strength quickly gave out and she slumped against her mother and bawled. Maryana ran a hand through Tanya's hair with one hand and rubbed her back with the other, and a moment later they finally separated.

"Does it hurt?" Maryana asked in a concerned tone, tentatively reaching a hand toward her daughter's face. Tanya shook her head, and when she gave no further protest, the queen lightly touched a few fingers to the princess's nose. Maryana carefully probed Tanya's nose, gently pressing it left, right and upward in search of any sign of injury. After a moment of inspection, the queen concluded that her daughter had come to no physical harm. On one hand she was relieved, but on the other she still felt bewildered and confused. At the very least, Tanya had gotten her crying under control.

"Here, let's freshen you up," Maryana offered, hoping a routine task would bring her daughter some comfort. She pulled a silk handkerchief from her pocket and wiped away Tanya's remaining tears. The handkerchief was almost too small to accommodate the princess's enormous nose, but after a bit of struggling, Maryana managed to carefully cover Tanya's damp nostrils.

"This should clear your head," the queen murmured in a soothing voice. Despite the focus on her nose, Tanya agreed. She nodded in acknowledgement, and then she tried to sniff lightly before blowing her nose. Unfortunately, the increased strength of the princess's breath caused her to accidentally inhale the handkerchief almost all the way into her left nostril, leaving only a small tuft protruding below her nose.

"Ahhh..." Tanya wheezed, the edges of the soft handkerchief tickling the deepest reaches of her nasal passages. Her head tipped back as she drew in a deep gasp of air, and Maryana simply smiled as comfortingly as she could.

"Ahhhh... Ah-hhh.... Haaahhhhh..."

The princess's triangular nostrils flared massively as she drew the final breath of her buildup. This allowed some of the handkerchief to slip back out of her nose, but it was already much too late for a recovery.

"AAEESCHHHOOOOO!!!"

Unable to stop herself, Tanya sent her mother tumbling head over heels with a great sneeze. Luckily the handkerchief was also cleared from her nostril, fluttering through the air before landing on the floor in a damp heap. Keeping her eyes gently closed, Tanya reached an outstretched finger to the underside of her nose and daintily rubbed left and right, surprising herself with how comforting the gesture felt. Taking a moment to savor the relief, Tanya only opened her eyes when she heard the sound of Maryana's groaning.

"Mother!" Tanya gasped, springing to her feet. She jogged across the room and helped her mother sit up, and then immediately bowed her head in shame.

"I'm so sorry! I couldn't help it..."

"I know, Tanya," absolved Maryana, placing a hand on her daughter's shoulder. They embraced again for a moment before the handmaiden returned with Venera.

Venera was Maryana's appointed court witch. She was more experienced in the ways of magic than anyone in the royal family, and as such she was significantly less surprised by the princess's appearance. She sat Tanya down on the foot of her bed and pulled up a chair to sit across from her patient. While Venera was skilled, her bedside manner left something to be desired. She remained completely silent as she inspected Tanya's nose, doing little to comfort the young princess.

"This doesn't cause you any discomfort of any kind?" asked the witch, gently lifting the tip of the princess's nose. "And I don't just mean pain. Any discomfort at all?"

"No, ma'am," Tanya responded diligently, resisting the urge to shake her head. Venera nodded silently and peered up her patient's right nostril. Tanya frowned self-consciously, putting every last ounce of her concentration into avoiding eye contact as the witch searched the insides of her nasal passages. Then, without a single word of warning, Venera drew a wand from her pocket and inserted it into Tanya's left nostril. The princess snorted helplessly as the tip of the wand penetrated into her nasal cavity. It tickled horribly, but luckily Venera removed the wand before Tanya could sneeze.

"My diagnosis is as follows," Venera announced, wiping her wand clean with a handkerchief. Tanya gently rubbed her nose with one finger, once again enjoying the relaxing sensation of it squishing left and right.

"The princess has been cursed, how and by whom I am not sure. However, the curse is meant to cause humiliation rather than harm. She will suffer no adverse physical effects."

"What about the sneezes?" asked Tanya, lightly flicking the tip of her nose up with the side of her finger.

"That is a separate ailment," Venera continued, fishing a small pouch out of her pocket. She left it in her lap for a moment while she finished her explanation. The witch turned to the queen and frowned, betraying the oncoming bad news.

"Unfortunately, the enlargement of Tanya's nose appears to be permanent. The curse will not expire, and I know not how to cure it."

Tanya felt more tears threaten to well up, but she managed to summon enough willpower to suppress them. She turned to her mother for comfort, but the best Maryana could manage was a bittersweet smile. The princess faced the witch once again, who had opened her pouch to reveal a small mound of sparkling powder.

"On a more positive note, curing the princess's powerful sneezes will be easy, if time consuming. Those are the result of a much weaker curse that will dissipate on its own, but the process can be accelerated with a simple curse-purging remedy."

Venera reached her thumb and forefinger into the pouch, drawing out a small pinch of the dust. She held it up for both Tanya and Maryana to hear.

"Inhale two doses of this medicine daily, one in your left nostril, and one in your right nostril. This will expedite your relief from the sneezing curse. We'll begin now."

The princess had no opportunity to protest. Venera held the powder under Tanya's right nostril, gently pressing the left shut with one finger.

"Sniff," she instructed, and the princess did as she was told. Tanya lightly wrinkled her nose as the powder filtered through her nostril. It felt less like inhaling dust and more as though someone had sharply blown into her nose. Before the princess could fully recover from the mild irritation, Venera held up a second dose of medicine and closed her patient's right nostril.

"And again, sniff."

After administering the medicine, Venera pulled the pouch's drawstring tight and placed it in Tanya's lap. The princess accepted it gratefully, but she wrinkled her large nose again, tighter than before. Venera watched as Tanya scrubbed a finger back and forth under her flaring nostrils, and then she offered a word of parting advice.

"The medicine will take some getting used to," the witch explained. "It can be uncomfortable at first. Are you feeling alri-"

"AEESCHHOO!!!"

Tanya sneezed massively, simultaneously shaking her bed and blowing Venera backward in her chair. The witch yelped in surprise as she fell to the floor, but she appeared no worse for wear. Venera stood without a complaint, simultaneously using a flick of magic to right the chair as well. She nodded to Tanya and then bowed to Maryana as she approached the door.

"I've done all I can," the witch said, sounding as gruff as always but also genuinely regretful. Maryana nodded and remained still as Venera departed, and then she made her way toward the bed. The queen hugged her daughter again, gently stroking her cheek.

"It's okay, Tanya," Maryana whispered, though the princess felt far less distressed than she had earlier. She returned her mother's hug, but she frowned apprehensively at the same time.

"Is that it, then? That's all?" Tanya groaned, dissatisfied with Venera's diagnosis. Her mother held her at arm's length, smiling and shaking her head.

"Not at all!" the queen reassured. "We have much to do!"

For a moment Tanya was excited, but her enthusiasm vanished when Maryana suddenly called for her personal stylist. The princess could only guess what her mother planned to do with a hairdresser, but whatever she expected still managed to outshine reality. Before Tanya could protest, she found herself sat down in a large armchair, her mother's stylist kneeling before her. Tanya glanced nervously at her mother, who simply smiled and nodded enthusiastically. Letting out an audible groan, the princess rolled her eyes as Maryana's stylist began to trim her nose hair.

Tanya scrunched up one side of her face as the stylist finished with the hairs in her right nostril. She rubbed a finger under her wide nose for as long as she could, both for the relief and to delay the next trimming session. The princess only stopped rubbing when her mother suddenly slapped her hand away so that the stylist might continue.

"You're tickling my nose," Tanya complained flatly, staring cross-eyed down at the hairdresser.

"Oh hush, Tanya," Maryana scolded lightly.

"I'm serious!" protested Tanya, resisting the urge to move her head. "I'm going to sneeze!"

"You're not going to sneeze," her mother stated as though it were a fact.

"How do you know?"

"Because I said so, Tanya. Now behave."

The princess frowned, staring down at the floor between her chair and the stylist.

"Yes ma'am."

The hairdresser finished a minute later, and Tanya once again set about rubbing a finger under her nose. Her mother had always scolded her in the past if she did this too much at once, but today it would seem the queen decided to be lenient. Tanya took a break from rubbing for a few seconds, but this quickly proved to be a mistake. The stylist lifted a soft-bristled brush and mopped at the expansive underside of the princess's nose ever so gently. This served to clear away any stray hairs, but it also drew out Tanya's predicted sneeze.

"Ahh... Ahhhh..."

"No, Tanya! Don't snee-"

"AEESHHOOOO!!!"

Before Maryana could finish her sentence, her daughter bellowed out a mighty sneeze. It blew the hairdresser off her feet, but she appeared relatively unharmed as she landed on her back. Tanya apologized bashfully and helped the stylist back to her feet, and luckily neither she nor Maryana seemed terribly upset. The queen called to her handmaiden who had been patiently waiting out in the hall and ordered two glasses of wine, and then she had her daughter were alone once more. Maryana handed one of the glasses to Tanya and then she sat down on the bed.

"I think you're handling this very well," said the queen, giving a genuine smile. Tanya shrugged and tried to take a sip of her wine. However, the far edge of the glass bumped against her enlarged septum before she could tip the glass far enough for any of the liquid to pour. Letting out a quiet grunt of annoyance, Tanya lifted the tip of her nose with one finger and finally managed to sip her drink once her septum was out of the way. Afterward, she released her nose and twitched in light surprise as the underside flopped against the top of the wineglass before settling back into place.

"I don't want to be like this forever," Tanya moaned, setting her glass down on the table beside her chair. "What will people say when they see me?"

"I wouldn't worry about that too much," responded Maryana. This brought Tanya a small comfort for a moment, but she soon realized she had misinterpreted her mother's words. The queen sipped her wine and then stood up from the bed. Leaving her glass behind, she retrieved an ornate powder puff from her daughter's dresser.

"You never listen when I tell you how useful makeup can be," Maryana began, gathering up some of the powder. "Women have been using it to slim down their noses for generations. Yours is no different, Tanya."

"Mother, I-"

Before the princess could protest, her mother suddenly planted the powder puff right in the middle of her face. Tanya blinked rapidly and wrinkled her nose as the powder filled the air around her, knowing she would choke if she opened her mouth to speak. Maryana continued dabbing the powder all over her daughter's nose, saturating it with a thick layer.

"Mother-!" Tanya wheezed, starting to cough the instant she parted her lips. The queen paid no heed to her daughter's complaints, continuing to smother her large nose with powder. Tanya's nostrils flared massively, only causing her to inhale more of the substance. A moment later, Maryana was satisfied with her application and moved to retrieve another makeup implement before the princess could sneeze.

"M-mother, I... Ahhh... Aahhhh... AEESHHOOOOOO!!!"

Tanya released an immense sneeze, and fortunately there was no one in front of her to be toppled by the force. The curtains at the far side of the room fluttered, but no damage was caused. Tanya coughed repeatedly for a moment as her mother returned with a makeup brush, and she began to apply it to her daughter's face before she could fully recover.

"Almost done," Maryana reassured, dipping the brush in the palette. "Just another minute."

Tanya struggled to contain her coughs and suppress further sneezes as her mother swept the brush back and forth across the top of her nose, dabbing thick makeup into every nook and cranny. She was holding her ground until Maryana began to vigorously brush makeup onto the underside of her nose. The princess's eyes fluttered as the brush's gentle bristles teased the insides of her nostrils.

"M-mother... Y-you're..." The princess tried to warn, but she could barely summon the strength to speak as her jaw loosened. Her nostrils opened wide, so wide in fact that the whole head of the makeup brush managed to slip inside.

"Aahhhhh..." Tanya gasped as the brush tickled the inside of her right nostril. Then, Maryana's attempt to remove the brush finally sent the princess over the edge. Her chest heaved desperately as her head helplessly bobbed up and down. Tanya found herself feeling conflicted. She never wanted to hurt her mother, but at the same time, knocking her down with a sneeze would put a stop to this madness.

"AEECHHOOOOO!!!"

No longer trying to stop herself, the princess propelled a massive sneeze toward her mother. Maryana yelped as she fell to the floor, dropping her makeup supplies. Tanya furiously rubbed a finger under her enlarged nose as quickly as she could, determined to rise to her feet before her mother could. Ignoring the makeup and powder smeared across her hand, the princess gave her nose one last rub left and right before standing.

"Mother, stop!" bellowed Tanya, thrusting her clenched fists at the floor.

"But I haven't finished applying your makeup..." whimpered the queen, unfazed by being blown off her feet by a sneeze. The princess quickly rubbed a finger under her nose again and took a step forward.

"I don't just want to look normal! I want to be normal! Makeup isn't going to fix this!"

"But you heard what Venera said," Maryana replied, slowly returning to her feet. "Don't worry, Tanya! Even if she can't cure you, you can still be beautiful like a princess should."

Tanya frowned deeply, her nostrils flaring immensely in anger. She clenched her fists as tightly as she could, ignoring the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. Finally, the princess leaned forward and confessed her true feelings as loudly and clearly as she could.

"I don't want to be a princess at all!" screamed Tanya, her voice tearing at her throat. "I never wanted to! Even if it means not having all this money and power. I want to have friends! I want to have fun! Don't you ever want to have fun in your life!?"

The princess's bedroom hung in silence for a moment. The only sounds were occasional bouts of emotional sniffling from both mother and daughter. Eventually, Tanya summoned the willpower to speak again.

"If having this big nose means I can't be a princess, then I guess I won't anymore."

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Maryana spread her arms and approached her daughter. She sniffled sorrowfully when Tanya unexpectedly refused the hug, pushing the queen away and turning her back. At a loss for words, Maryana hung her head and stepped over to the door.

"Tanya, I love you. You will always be my beautiful daughter, no matter what happens. But, you will always be a princess too, until you become queen yourself. We don't have to talk about it anymore if you don't want to. I'll just give you some time to yourself."

The princess retained her composure until her mother closed the door. Then, Tanya sank to her knees and began to sob, unable to stop her tears. She had never felt so helpless before. This was not simply a problem she could solve with her own strength or intellect. The court witch failed to offer a solution, and Tanya had no friends of her own to call on. Her crying grew more desperate as she realized there might not be a way out at all.

Eventually, Tanya slowly regained her composure. Tears streaked her face and snot hung from her expansive nostrils. The princess frowned at her revolting appearance in the mirror. She snuffled raggedly and wiped her nose, smearing makeup and mucus on her forearm. With nothing better to do, Tanya then dragged herself into her bathroom and took a shower, if only to cleanse her muddled nose.

After exiting the shower and drying herself, Tanya stared at her reflection in the steamy bathroom mirror. Even if she did find a solution on her own, she was going to have to get used to looking at her new nose in the meantime. She gently massaged the sides, just above her nostrils. Tanya had very few positive thoughts about her huge nose, but at least it was pleasantly soft. Closing her eyes, the princess took a deep breath and returned to her bedroom.

Without a second thought, Tanya pulled on warm clothes. Long pants, heavy boots and a thick wool overcoat. Then, she approached one of the dressers beside her bed. A ceremonial sword sat elegantly atop a display stand. It was a family heirloom, passed along to the eldest child of each generation. Tanya gathered up her hair with one hand and drew the sword with the other. In one swift motion, she sliced off her collected hair, leaving the rest to fall back down short and unkempt. This spur of the moment decision was less to be rebellious and more to keep people from recognizing her.

Sheathing the sword, Tanya buckled the scabbard around her waist and approached the door. She quickly realized she had forgotten something, however, and she returned to her closet before departing. The princess selected a thick gray scarf and coiled it around her neck and the lower half of her head. After concealing her large nose, Tanya nodded confidently to herself and stepped out into the hall. As long as her mother made no attempt to stop her, she was set in her plan. Tanya knew her mother meant the best, but if there was a solution to this problem, the princess was going to find it her own way.

[Blah!?]

4. The Princess, the Witch and the Nose-job Chapter 2

With a bit of luck on her side, Princess Tanya managed to leave the palace without drawing any unwanted attention. She noticed a few people looking her way as she stepped through the square, but their gazes never lingered. Though her mouth was concealed behind her scarf, Tanya smiled. This was the first time had been out in public in which she was not the center of attention. In a bizarre and unexpected way, it was just what she had always wanted.

Given magic's intimate ties to Sevedalin culture, the kingdom's multitude of magic shops had an entire region of their own, adjacent to but separate from the commercial district. Naturally Tanya had been there before, but this was her first chance to visit all on her own. The colorful spells and glowing summoned creatures seemed more than enough to penetrate the eternal gloom of the cloudy skies overhead. Taking a moment to pause in the magic district's central square, Tanya looked out at the spectacle and spun in a mesmerized circle.

Giggling with childlike bliss, Tanya skipped up to the nearest magic shop, deciding she had to start somewhere. Noticing a sign hanging beside the door, Tanya stopped in front of it and leaned in close to read. In that moment, the princess realized she had made a grave mistake. Being a member of the royal family, she had never once had to carry any money. For all of her preparations for a day out on her own, Tanya had completely forgotten to bring so much as a single coin. She sheepishly backed away from the sign, at a loss for what to do next.

Perhaps some of the local magicians would still recognize her if she revealed her face, but Tanya knew that would cause a commotion for the ages. A strained rumbling in her stomach reminded the princess that no money also meant no food. She placed a hand on her belly and slunk over to a stone bench at the side of the square. Sitting down and hanging her head, Tanya gently tugged her scarf upward to make sure her large nose was still covered.

"I can't just go back," the princess whispered to herself. She rested her chin in one hand and sighed. The breath through her nose threatened to blow her scarf away, but Tanya quickly realized what was about to happen and scrambled to hold it in place. Lifting her weary gaze, Tanya looked out at the crowds of people passing by as she tried to formulate a new plan. The city's hustle and bustle steadily faded away into background noise, but then the princess suddenly heard a distinctive voice shout out above the crowd.

"Come one, come all! Today is the grand opening of Lyuba's Magic Emporium!"

Looking toward the source of the voice, Tanya noticed a young witch emerging from an alleyway on her right. The witch appeared to be roughly Tanya's age, wearing simple clothes and holding a large sign advertising her shop. The princess smiled at the young witch's enthusiasm, but she devoted her full attention after what the witch said next.

"As part of our grand opening event, your first consultation is free!"

Tanya was suddenly so overwhelmed by excitement that she thought she might cry. She leapt to her feet and ran toward the witch, lightly bouncing up and down with energy. The witch smiled and waved, bowing her head graciously.

"Good day, miss! How would you like to be my first customer?"

"Yes!" Tanya squealed, snatching the witch's free hand. She stared eagerly into the witch's eyes, still barely able to contain herself.

"I'd like a consultation, please!"

The witch jumped for joy, ecstatic to have finally found a customer. She eagerly led Tanya down the alley from whence she came and invited the princess into her shop. It was a small and modest building, dusty but not messy. Try as she might to stop herself, Tanya coughed once as she stepped inside, and then the witch promptly sat her down in a large armchair. The cushions were comfortable, but Tanya's weight on top of them only released more dust into the air.

"Now that we're here, I should probably introduce myself properly, huh?" said the witch, setting a kettle on the stove at the far side of the room. "I'm Lyuba, but my friends call me Lyu. Or, they would, if I had any friends."

Lyuba giggled, indicating she was either exaggerating or content with her solitude, but this only made Tanya feel more depressed. She let her chin sink into her palm again as she watched the young witch prepare some tea.

"Tanya," the princess murmured. "My friends just call me, well, Tanya. Except I don't have any friends either."

"Oh! I am so sorry!" gasped Lyu, placing a hand over her mouth. Her distraction caused her to miss her teacup and she poured a stream of hot water onto the floor for a second. "I do have some friends. I didn't mean to tease you if you really are all on your own."

"It's okay," sighed Tanya, staring at a random spot on the floor. "I'm starting to get used to it after all these years."

"Well, I may be a witch and not a therapist," said Lyu, cheerfully handing a cup of tea to her customer, "but part of our consultation today can be me helping you cheer up! Now, how about you pull that scarf down, and then we can drink some tea together."

"Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about," Tanya explained, starting to feel nervous. Lyu cocked her head to the side and smiled.

"Your scarf?"

"No, my... Hang on."

Setting her teacup down on the table beside her chair, Tanya began to unwrap her scarf. Her cheeks flushed as she revealed more and more of her face. Once she finished, the princess draped her scarf around her shoulders and avoided eye contact for as long as she could. Lyu said nothing, and Tanya's blush increased when she assumed the witch must have been shocked beyond words. Eventually she looked up to find Lyu's expression virtually unchanged. Their eyes met for a split second, but Tanya immediately looked away and frowned in embarrassment.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked Lyu, her tone innocent and genuine. The princess felt a fluttering in her chest and she finally summoned the willpower to look at the witch.

"It's... My nose," she confessed, hanging her head in shame. Lyu cocked her head to the other side.

"It looks fine to me."

"But it... It's not supposed to be this way," Tanya explained, leaning forward in her chair. "This only happened last night."

"Growth spurt?" the witch wondered, tilting her head yet again.

"In my nose!?"

Lyu shrugged. Tanya's nostrils flared hugely in a mixture of embarrassment and frustration. She became vaguely aware of a dusty tickle creeping into the back of her nasal passages, but she felt too self-conscious about her enormous nose to rub it in front of someone she had only just met.

"Well, I suppose I can take a look," said Lyu, pulling up a stool to sit in front of Tanya. "This is just a consultation, after all."

"Thank you," the princess whispered bashfully, averting her eyes again. She raised her teacup and tried to take a sip, but her septum again prevented her from tipping the cup enough. The witch smiled sympathetically as she watched her customer lift the tip of her large nose to make room for the teacup.

"It gets in the way, huh?" Lyu asked, leaning toward Tanya. The princess nodded, starting to blush again. She flared her nostrils and wrinkled her nose, knowing that each and every breath was slowly bringing her closer to a disastrous sneeze. Starting to lose control, Tanya gently waved a hand toward Lyu to shoo her away.

"L-Lyu... I h-have to..." Tanya warned, but the witch remained oblivious. She stared intently at her customer's nose even as it prepared to expel a sneeze.

"It looks so s-"

"AEESHHOOOOO!!!"

Tanya's enormous sneeze knocked Lyu off her stool and simultaneously sent a tremor through her small magic shop. The witch landed face down on the floor, though being relatively unharmed did nothing to stop her from groaning in pain. She pushed herself up to a sitting position to find Tanya with her eyes gently closed and a single outstretched finger held firmly to her flaring nostrils.

"Bless you," said Lyu, more concerned than annoyed. She righted her stool in front of Tanya again and sat down. The princess gently rubbed her nose for a few seconds before finally opening her eyes and looking back at the witch.

"Sorry!" whined Tanya, flicking her finger under her nostrils one last time. Lyu smiled and shook her head.

"It's alright, don't worry about it," said the witch, scooting a bit closer. "I can understand wanting to get rid of those sneezes, though. You wouldn't want to have one at the wrong time."

"Well, I..." Tanya began, fidgeting lightly. "I actually don't mind the sneezes as much as the nose. I already met another witch earlier, and she told me the sneezes would go away on their own. She also gave me some medicine to-"

Tanya stopped, her eyes going wide. She quickly patted herself down in search of the pouch Venera had given her, but she realized she must have left that behind as well. The princess hung her head and sighed, feeling humiliated.

"I forgot my medicine," groaned Tanya. She tried to let her face fall into her hands, but her enlarged nose pressed into her palms before the rest of her head could fit. The princess sat up and sighed, earning another sympathetic smile from Lyu.

"Are you going to be alright without it?" asked the witch, running a hand through her hair. Tanya shrugged.

"It's not important. That part of the curse is supposed to go away on its own eventually."

"So this is a curse?" Lyu asked, just to confirm her suspicions. Tanya nodded, and then the witch rubbed her hands together in preparation.

"Alright, let's take a look, shall we?"

The princess stared cross-eyed at Lyuba as she leaned in close. Letting out a quiet hum of concentration, the witch raised a finger and gently pressed on the tip of Tanya's large nose. It compressed inward as Lyu continued to push it, and she stopped when the princess scrunched up her face as she started to feel the strain. Lyu released the nose, smiling as it bounced back into place.

"Squishy," she giggled, looking up at her customer. Tanya smiled timidly and looked away. Then, in a procedure the princess had become all too familiar with, Lyu slid the side of her finger under the tip of her nose and gently pressed upward.

"A lot of people have been doing this," Tanya moaned nervously, starting to blush. "What's the significance of it?"

"Oh, I'm just looking," explained Lyu, lifting the tip of Tanya's nose a little higher. She peered into the left nostril, squinting to look as deep inside as she could.

"Yes, but..." Tanya trailed off for a second, unsure of how to phrase her question. "What do you expect to find?"

"Nose gremlins," Lyu answered, sounding completely serious. Tanya gasped, giving enough of a start for the witch to release her nose.

"I beg your pardon!?" stammered the princess.

"You've never heard of those?" asked Lyu, raising an eyebrow at her customer. "Sometimes they crop up in peoples' noses if they get too slimy. Luckily your nostrils look pretty clean, but you can never be too careful..."

Tanya sank back into her chair. She carefully covered her large, triangular nostrils with the back of her hand and stared at Lyu, her eyes silently begging the witch for help. The princess and the witch stared at each other in silence for a moment, but eventually Lyu burst out laughing.

"I just made all that up!" she cackled, slapping her knee as she leaned back on her stool. "Your face! You looked so scared!"

Tanya stared down at the floor and frowned in embarrassment. She blushed for a moment, and then she took a deep breath and looked back up at Lyu with a determined stare.

"Lyu, I was hoping you could take this seriously," Tanya said, a rare touch of authority in her voice. The witch's giggling quickly died down and she nodded respectfully.

"Yes, of course," she said, standing up from her stool. She returned with a pair of long tweezers and sat down again.

"I thought I saw a pretty long nose hair, way up in your left nostril," explained Lyu, tapping the side of Tanya's nose to indicate the spot. The princess blushed, but the witch's continued explanation brought her some comfort.

"Curses often have an anchor point, and destroying or removing it can reverse the spell. In your case, if I just pluck that nose hair, hopefully it'll do the trick."

Lyu lifted the tip of Tanya's nose with one hand, revealing the spacious nostrils underneath. She looked back into the left side and sighted in on her target. Tanya simply assumed her mother's hairdresser had missed a spot, but she was willing to trust Lyu's second opinion as a witch. The princess cringed as Lyu slowly, carefully inserted the tweezers into her nostril. It was a ticklish sensation, but Tanya managed to resist the urge to react, if only just barely.

"Almost got it," Lyu announced, pushing the tip of the princess's nose up just a bit higher, giving herself a better view of the inside. Tanya felt a light pinch as Lyu closed the tweezers on the offending nose hair. She almost felt like she was going to sneeze, but the quick, sharp sting of the hair being pulled free distracted her, if only momentarily.

"Fascinating," muttered Lyu, holding up the hair. It was long and scraggly, much more so than any nose hair she had ever seen before, but given the massive size of the particular nose it had been retrieved from, the witch supposed that made sense. However, a quick glance past the hair told Lyu that Tanya's nose was still enlarged.

"I suppose that wasn't it after all," she mused, returning her focus to the hair. "Do you feel any different, Miss Tanya?"

Lowering the nose hair, the witch looked back at her customer. Tanya's mouth hung wide open and her head was tipped back as far as the chair would allow. The princess's nose pointed almost directly up at the ceiling, giving Lyu a perfect view of Tanya's nostrils as they flared enormously. The witch stared inquisitively, oblivious to her impending doom.

"Miss Tanya?"

"AEECHHOOOOO!!!"

Powerless to control herself, Tanya sneezed Lyu off of her stool for the second time that day. This time the witch was slightly more prepared, and she managed to catch herself on her back and quickly stand again. Instead of sitting down again right away, Lyu retreated to the back of the room to deposit Tanya's nose hair into storage and retrieve a few other supplies.

"Sorry," the princess apologized, gently rubbing a finger back and forth under her nostrils. "You tickled my nose."

"Aw, sorry," Lyu apologized, scratching the back of her head. "I guess that probably would have tickled you pretty badly. Are you feeling okay now?"

"Yes, I think I'm alright," Tanya answered, rubbing her nose a bit more. She sniffed, the suction pulling her nostrils shut for half a second. Smiling comfortingly, Lyu stood and held up a vial of glittering red powder.

"Alright, let's try a little of this next," the witch proposed, uncorking the vial. "Just a bit of dispelling powder."

Tanya nodded in acknowledgement. She was skeptical that this simple powder would have any effect if Venera was powerless against the curse, but the princess was willing to try anything at this point. Leaning over Tanya's head, Lyu tipped the vial on its side and gently poured a small dose of the powder on top of her customer's large nose. The princess scrunched up her face as she felt a potent tingling sensation both on and inside of her nose.

"Ahh..." Tanya breathed, her nostrils flaring open wide. Her eyes fluttered lightly, but Lyu remained oblivious as she settled back down on her stool. A few seconds passed and Tanya's nose remained the same. The witch leaned forward, letting out a low hum of concentration. She then held the uncorked vial underneath the princess's nostrils and slowly waved it around, wafting some of the powder up Tanya's nose.

"Aaahhhhh..."

As the princess drew another deep breath, Lyu finally noticed the effect she was having on her patron. She quickly shoved the cork back into the vial and tried in vain to talk Tanya down from her building sneeze. The princess gave no response to Lyu's efforts, too preoccupied with the tickling in her nostrils to notice.

"Miss Tanya, I'm so sorry! I didn't realize what I was doing! Just try really hard, okay? No sneezing!"

Unsure of what she hoped to accomplish, Lyu extended her index finger and held it horizontally under Tanya's contorting nose. The witch succeeded in slightly lifting the tip of the princess's nose, but she ultimately did nothing to help stave off the building sneeze.

"Don't sneeze!" pleaded Lyu, squeezing her eyes shut and looking away. Keeping her finger under Tanya's nose, she leaned back as far as her arm would allow, but such a short distance would offer her no protection.

"AEESHHOOOOO!!!"

Tanya's sneeze flung Lyu over the stool once more. This time, the young witch managed to catch herself on her forearms, stopping her fall before her head collided with the floor. Before returning to her feet, she glanced back at Tanya to make sure she was finished sneezing. Once the coast was clear, Lyu stood up and brushed herself of.

"Alright, that was my fault too," Lyu confessed, putting away the rest of her supplies. "It would seem you're a rather sneezy woman. I should have asked you first. For now, let's not try anything else that might tickle that nose of yours."

"That sounds fine to me," sighed Tanya, rubbing her finger under her nose. Under other circumstances she might have said more, and while she was still not angry with Lyuba, her energy was waning. She stopped rubbing, her finger placed firmly under the center of her nose, and then she clenched her eyes shut and pressed her hand upward as hard as she could. The princess compressed her large nose as tightly as it would go, and then she let it wobble back into place. This seemed to cure the tickling inside, if only for the moment.

"How about a little shrinking spell?" suggested Lyu, twirling her fingers in the air. "Sometimes the simplest solution is the best."

Tanya shrugged in approval. She was willing to try anything the young witch could think of, but her capacity to give input of her own was at a minimum. Lyu smiled confidently and drew a wand from her pocket. She began to gather a small orb of red magical energy in the palm of her free hand, carefully stirring it with the tip of her wand. Then, once the orb had grown to roughly the size of a grape, she flung it toward the princess's nose.

Lyu made her mark, but the spell unexpectedly ricocheted off of Tanya's nose. The young witch stared in disbelief as the red orb flew into the princess's teacup instead, causing it to start expanding. Both Lyu and Tanya remained oblivious to the growing teacup as the witch ran up to her customer and reached a hand toward her nose.

"Goodness, I've never seen anything like that before!" exclaimed Lyu, gently touching the slope of Tanya's nose. The nose still squished and distorted under the witch's fingers just as it had before, piquing Lyu's curiosity. She knelt down and continued to knead the princess's nose as she pondered the possibilities.

"Whoever placed this curse on you must have really known what they were doing," said Lyu, pressing Tanya's nose to one side. "It seems to be impervious to other spells. Very thorough."

"Maybe it's a good thing that didn't work," blurted Tanya, finally noticing the teacup. It had expanded to roughly the same size as the armchair the princess was currently sitting in, and its handle was starting to knock books off of the shelves on the far wall. Whipping her head to stare at the teacup, Lyu screamed. She ran up to the expanding ceramic and pounded her fists on it, hoping to break it before it caused any further damage. The surface cracked ever so slightly, but it was clear that the witch's strength was insufficient.

"Oh no!" she wailed, slumping up against the teacup as her energy ran out. "This is bad!"

Tanya stood up and backed away as the cup began to bump against her chair. Putting her hands on her hips, she tried to think of a plan. The princess sniffed lightly, the suction closing her nostrils again for a second. She stared down at her feet as she thought, and then she noticed the hilt of her sword.

Suddenly, Tanya had an idea. She closed her fingers around the grip of her sword and drew it from its sheathe, and then she gently pushed Lyuba out of the way with her free hand. After drawing her sword back, the princess thrust it into the largest crack she could find.

"Stay back!" she commanded, quickly glancing at Lyu. The witch backed away, and then Tanya turned her sword to the side and threw all of her weight against it. Slowly but surely the surface of the teacup began to split apart, and then it shattered into tiny pieces, quickly returning to its original size. Letting out a sigh to calm her nerves, Tanya closed her eyes and sheathed her sword. She took a deep breath, hoping to clear her head, but this unfortunately caused her to inhale several shards of broken ceramic, the strength of her enlarged nose more than enough to lift them from the floor.

"Ahhh..." Tanya gasped, daintily waving a hand up and down in front of her face. Lyu remained oblivious, too happy with the fact that her bookshelf had survived the teacup fiasco. The princess wrinkled her nose and placed a finger under her nostrils, hoping to control her building sneeze, but subconsciously she already knew it was too late.

"Ahh-Ahhh-Ahhhh! AEESCHHOOOO!!!"

Tanya made sure to face away from Lyu, but she accidentally directed the force of her sneeze at the shelves along the far wall. Books and shredded paper flew through the air, making the princess cringe when she realized what she had done.

"Sorry," she muttered, gently scrubbing a finger against the underside of her nose. Lyu sank to her knees, starting to sniffle. Tanya opened her mouth to apologize more thoroughly, but the witch suddenly crawled toward her and began to grovel at the princess's feet.

"It was all my fault!" she wailed, clutching at the bottom of Tanya's coat. "I'm a terrible witch! I'm so clumsy and I can't do anything right!"

"Don't be too hard on yourself," murmured the princess, not sure what more she could say. She returned to the chair and retrieved her scarf, but then Lyu suddenly noticed something that instantly lifted her spirits.

"That sword!" she gasped, pointing at Tanya's scabbard. "And your name! Are you... Are you Princess Tanya?"

Coiling her scarf around her neck, Tanya blushed lightly. Lyu leapt back to her feet, starting to bounce up and down with excitement. She already knew it was true before the princess could answer, so the young witch ran up to her customer and began fawning over her.

"Princess Tanya, Princess Tanya, Princess Tanya!" repeated Lyu over and over, jumping for joy. She ran around Tanya in a circle, her arms out to the sides like a child at play. Tanya blushed and frowned nervously, pulling her scarf up to conceal her enlarged nose.

"Well, um, I should probably be going now."

Tanya took a step toward the door, but Lyu suddenly grabbed her wrist with both hands. She squeezed as tightly as she could while still being gentle. The princess turned to face her, and then Lyu suddenly threw her arms around her and gave her a smothering hug.

"Please don't go!" begged the witch, snuggling her face into the shoulder of Tanya's coat. "Princess Tanya, you're my hero!"

"Y-your hero?" Tanya stuttered, her face turning bright red. Lyu nodded, smiling warmly.

"I've listened to all your addresses on the radio. You're so kind and genuine. But you seem really lonely sometimes, too."

Letting out a relaxing sigh, Tanya gently closed her eyes and put her arms around the young witch. She rubbed Lyu's back for a moment, and then she pulled down her scarf so she could speak more clearly. Her nose tickled ever so slightly and she sniffed once, the powerful suction lifting some of Lyu's hair. Flaring her nostrils, Tanya rubbed a finger underneath for a second and then returned to cradling her companion.

"I guess I am a little lonely," she responded, leaning her head against Lyu's. They embraced for a moment more, and then they separated and held each other at arm's length. Tanya was still feeling short on expression, but Lyu knew just what to say.

"Princess Tanya, can I be your friend?"

[Blah!?]

4. The Princess, the Witch and the Nose-job Chapter 3

After tidying up Lyu's magic shop, she and Tanya were too exhausted to do any more work. Rather than sneaking back into the palace, the princess decided to spend the night with her new friend. It seemed simpler, as her mother had no doubt noticed her absence. Leaving the palace a second time would be prohibitively difficult. Despite Tanya's repeated attempts to refuse, Lyu offered the princess her bed while she slept on the sofa.

Dust collected in Tanya's spacious nostrils during the night. The princess was awoken early the next morning by a dry tickling in her nose. She sniffed hard, her triangular nostrils closing for a second until the suction abated. Rubbing a finger under her nose, Tanya tried with all her might not to sneeze, but her efforts quickly proved to be in vain.

"Ahh... Ahhh..."

At the last moment, the princess attempted to pinch her nose to stifle the sneeze. However, in her groggy state she could barely spread her thumb and forefinger far enough to reach around the base of her nose, and the sneeze burst out of her before she could squeeze her nostrils.

"AESHHOOOO!!!"

Just like the previous morning, Tanya's powerful sneeze carried her blankets over the foot of the bed and deposited them in a pile on the floor. She shivered for a moment, but today she was quicker to rise. Wrapping her arms around herself, Tanya quickly skipped over to where she had left her clothes draped over a chair. After pulling on her shirt and pants, the princess stepped out of the bedroom to greet her host.

"Good morning, Lyu," Tanya said, cupping a hand in front of her mouth. She yawned, her head tipping back and her nostrils flaring massively. Opening her eyes, she noticed the young witch standing in front of the stove at the far side of the room, the sound of sizzling filling the air.

"Good morning, Princess Tanya!" greeted Lyu, waving a spatula in the air. "I'm making breakfast!"

"Yes, I can see that," Tanya giggled, stepping up next to the young witch. She peered over Lyu's shoulder and watched her prepare her frying pan.

"I might be lousy with magic, but I am a good cook! Do you like eggs, Princess Tanya?"

"I do," answered Tanya in a soft, friendly voice. "And you don't have to call me princess. Please, just call me Tanya."

"Okay, I'll try!" chirped Lyu, cracking a pair of eggs into her pan. "But still, please let me be your host. You can go ahead and sit down at the table. I'll be there in a minute."

Tanya nodded happily and headed to Lyu's small table. She pulled out the chair farthest from the stove and sat down, eagerly awaiting her new friend's cooking. Just a few minutes later, Lyu approached the table, expertly carrying a pair of trays laden with food and drink. Tanya smiled warmly as the fragrance of scrambled eggs filled her nostrils. She resisted the urge to sniff, worried that she might accidentally inhale something, but she still hovered her large nose over her plate to take in the aroma.

"I got you a straw," Lyu pointed out, gesturing to the glass of orange juice on Tanya's tray. "So you can drink without your nose getting in the way."

"Thank you so much," Tanya murmured, feeling grateful but timid. She looked down toward her drink to discover that there was in fact a long tube of wax-coated paper protruding from the liquid. The princess took a sip of the tangy beverage as Lyu picked up the peppermill from the center of the table.

"Pepper?" she offered, holding the end of the grinder above Tanya's eggs. Unfortunately, this also positioned the peppermill directly below the princess's nose. Tanya flared her nostrils and narrowed her eyes, prompting Lyu to immediately set the grinder back down.

"On second thought, let's not give you any pepper," she mumbled, watching hopefully as Tanya struggled not to sneeze. The princess rubbed a finger back and forth under her nose, slowly but firmly. The base of her nose contorted left and right, stretching gently just before Tanya changed directions. When she finally did give in to the urge to sneeze, she was luckily able to turn to the side and let it out harmlessly.

"AECHHOOOO!!!"

"Bless you. Sorry," Lyu apologized, smiling nervously as Tanya rubbed her nose once more.

"Don't worry about it," chuckled Tanya, flicking her nose upward gently, creating a crease just above the tip. "Thank you for offering, at least."

The next several minutes passed in silence as Tanya and Lyu ate their breakfast. Then, they washed their dishes and returned to the table to relax for a moment. Letting out a gentle sigh, Lyu sat up straight and explained her plan for the day.

"It makes me sad that I might not be able to give you any more help," she began, smiling nervously, "but I think I know someone else who can."

"Another witch?" asked Tanya, tilting her head slightly to the side. Lyu nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes. Her name is Faina, and she knows a lot about the body and spirit. That curse won't stand a chance against her!"

"Thanks a lot, Lyu," said Tanya, smiling appreciatively. The young witch smiled back. She reached across the table and gently took one of Tanya's hands in both of her own. The princess blushed lightly, making eye contact for a split second before looking away.

"Of course! That's what friends are for!"

"Lyu, you're... My first real friend," Tanya mumbled weakly, staring down at the floor. The princess's nose closed briefly as she sniffed hard, starting to feel a bit emotional.

"Are you alright, Tanya?" asked Lyu, noticing her friend's nostrils twitch vigorously. Tanya nearly jumped in her seat, blushing more intensely.

"What? Of course I'm alright. Why wouldn't I be alright?" she stammered, unknowingly sniffing a second time immediately afterward. Lyu pointed a finger at her and giggled.

"There, you did it again!" chuckled the witch. "You keep sniffing."

"Oh, um... I guess I just have the sniffles or something," Tanya mumbled, starting to rub her nose in an attempt to deflect. At that, Lyu seemed to completely forget what she had originally asked about and she sprang up out of her seat. She ran over to where Tanya had left her coat, and then she pulled the princess up to her feet after retrieving the garment.

"Lyu, what are you-" Tanya stammered as the witch suddenly threw her coat over her shoulders.

"Bundle up!" ordered Lyu. "The palace must be so much warmer than my little shop. You'll catch a chill!"

"I'm fine, Lyu," Tanya giggled, but she obliged and put on her coat. However, before she even finished buttoning up, Lyu suddenly threw her scarf around her neck and began to coil it.

"Lyu!" the princess laughed, waving her arms up and down. "You're squishing my nose!"

The witch let out a gasp and released the scarf. Tanya quickly pulled it down and took a deep breath, flaring her nostrils open wide. Then, she lifted the scarf once more and gently wrapped it around her neck and the lower half of her face. Once her nose was properly and comfortable concealed, Tanya turned to Lyu to find her bashfully kicking at the floor.

"Sorry," she mumbled, "I just wanted to help."

Letting out a quiet giggle, Tanya gave Lyu a hug, nearly lifting the shorter witch up off her feet. Lyu put her arms around the princess in return, and after embracing for a moment, they departed the magic shop and made their way across the district to find Lyu's fellow witch.

Tanya giggled quietly as Lyu skipped down the street ahead of her. She felt like a mother looking after a child, despite the fact that she was the one being led. Then, a pleasant fragrance wafted into the princess's nostrils before she even saw Faina's magic shop. When it did finally come into view, Tanya was mesmerized. The building was only marginally larger than Lyu's, but Tanya had to admit to herself that this one was much better maintained and decorated.

Vines ran up and down the walls of the modest but cozy building. Many of them ended in small blue flowers that emitted a gentle glow. As she approached, Tanya realized that these flowers were the source of the local aroma as well. After carefully glancing around to make sure no one was watching, the princess pulled down her scarf. She hovered her nose over one of the flowers and sniffed as lightly as she could. The flower's petals were drawn upward toward Tanya's nostrils, and then they gently sank back to their natural position as the princess stopped inhaling to savor the scent.

"Good day."

Tanya jumped at the sound of an unfamiliar voice. Backing away from the flowers, the princess grabbed her scarf and haphazardly pulled it up in front of her nose. She stole a glance at Lyu, who seemed as far from startled as could be. Allowing herself to relax, Tanya turned her gaze to the woman standing in the doorway. She appeared to be the same age as the queen, perhaps a few years older, and she wore a warm, welcoming smile.

"Hello, Faina!" greeted Lyu, waving energetically.

"And to you too, Lyuba. Who is your friend?"

"Oh, this is-" Lyu began to explain, but she suddenly stopped herself. She skipped up the steps toward Faina and whispered in her ear. Tanya frowned down at her feet as Lyu revealed her identity, but Faina remained as welcoming as ever. The elder witch took a step toward the princess, and then she slid the side of one finger under the tip of Tanya's nose, lifting her face gently. Once their eyes were level, Tanya finally began to relax.

"Don't worry, dear," Faina cooed in a soft, silky voice. "I believe I can help you. And I won't tell your mother."

"Thank you," whispered Tanya, smiling back. Without another word, Faina beckoned the others into her shop and locked the door behind them.

"Are you cold?" asked Faina, sitting cross-legged in the center of the floor. Lyu shook her head, but Tanya felt herself shiver subtly as she heard the question. She sniffed, thinning her nostrils, and then she touched two fingers to the underside of her nose to make sure it was still dry.

"J-just a little," the princess answered, sniffing again.

"Come, sit down with me," Faina beckoned. Tanya nodded and did as she was told, sitting in front of the witch. Faina raised her hands and gently touched her fingertips to the sides of the princess's nose. She blushed lightly, but by now this was a procedure she was all too familiar with.

"I've been feeling a little chilly all day," said Tanya, closing her eyes. Faina began to massage her nose, and the princess had to admit it was strangely relaxing.

"I thought you might," whispered the witch as she continued to stroke Tanya's nose.

"Am I getting sick?" asked the princess.

"I don't believe so, no," answered Faina. "Your body is attempting to reject the curse. Using all that energy leaves less of it to keep you warm. You'll return to normal soon, and this massage should expedite your recovery."

"Thank you," murmured Tanya, smiling gratefully. "Is that why I've had the sniffles today?"

"Most likely," said Faina, pausing the massage. "But I can fix that right now."

Tanya opened her eyes, watching as the witch drew a handkerchief from her pocket. Using both hands, Faina gently held the silk square around the princess's nose. Tanya sniffed unconsciously, the corners of the handkerchief fluttering toward her nostrils, but she managed to keep from inhaling it. She smiled nostalgically, recalling the time when her mother would hold her handkerchiefs for her.

"Go ahead," said Faina. Tanya nodded, and then she took a deep breath through her mouth. The princess's enlarged nostrils trumpeted loudly into the handkerchief. She blushed as Faina tenderly wiped the underside of her nose, and then her lingering need to sniffle was gone.

"Thank you!" cooed Tanya, feeling warmer already. "What did you do?"

"What did I do?" chuckled Faina. "I didn't do anything. You just needed to blow your nose."

"Oh," the princess acknowledged timidly. Her face suddenly turned bright red as she felt Lyu ruffle her messy hair. The young witch only giggled as Tanya glared at her in embarrassment.

"Silly," mumbled Lyu, sitting down beside her friend. She smiled teasingly at Tanya, who rolled her eyes and shoved Lyu onto her side. By the time Lyu sat up again, Faina had retrieved a bottle containing a translucent pink liquid.

"We'll start simple," she said, offering the bottle to the princess. Tanya accepted it quietly and held it to her chest while Faina explained.

"This potion will not cure you, but it will help me ascertain the nature of the curse. You may drink it whenever you are ready."

The princess nodded to Faina and uncorked the bottle. The liquid inside began to bubble lightly, but Tanya swallowed it quickly without a worry. She wrinkled her nose with a smile as the potion fizzed in her mouth, but she relaxed as she downed the last drop. Then, Tanya suddenly burped softly. She covered her mouth with one hand, her face turning red.

"Excuse me!" she whimpered, hanging her head in shame. Faina smiled and Lyu began to laugh, at least until her giggling made her snort.

"It may take a minute," said Faina, but as soon as the words left her mouth, Tanya suddenly wrinkled her nose again. Before either witch could ask her if she was feeling alright, the princess coughed. A trio of pink bubbles drifted out of her nostrils, and one or two more followed each time she exhaled.

"Curious," muttered Faina, drawing a few of the bubbles closer with a bit of magic. Tanya opened her mouth to ask the witch to explain, but she coughed again before she could vocalize. When she was able to speak again, however, she had something else to say.

"It's tickling my nose!" Tanya whined, scrunching up her face. She rubbed a finger under her nostrils, more bubbles escaping around her hand. Faina quickly scooted toward the princess and reached out her hands. She carefully tipped Tanya's head back and then lifted the tip of her nose with one finger, peering inside.

"I hope you'll forgive me, Tanya," said the witch, "I just need to take a peek. This will only be a moment."

"Ahhh..." gasped the princess, feeling a sneeze coming on. Faina knew she had to hurry, and she examined the bubbles emanating from Tanya's nostrils as quickly as she could. Then, she backed away and allowed the princess to relieve her irritation.

"Ah... AEESHOOOO!!!"

Tanya reflexively turned away from Faina, but as a result she sneezed toward Lyu instead. Miraculously this sneeze was too weak to blow the young witch away. It did, however, cover her in a layer of pink bubbles. Lyu spluttered and waved the bubbles away. She was tempted to scold Tanya, but she stopped when she saw how helpless the princess looked, delicately rubbing a finger back and forth under her large nose.

"Sorry," apologized Tanya. She exhaled the last of the bubbles, shooed them away with one hand, and then she sniffed tentatively to make sure she was finished. Her frustration already dissipating, Lyu smiled at her friend and squeezed one of her hands. Tanya smiled back, and then they both turned their attention to Faina as she stood up once more.

"Alright, that was all the information I needed," she said, retrieving a jar from her collection of supplies. The elder witch sat down in front of Tanya again, placing the jar on the floor between them. The princess daintily rubbed her nose once more, and then she sat at attention and waited for Faina to explain.

"As I believe Lyuba has already discovered, your curse cannot be affected by other spells," the witch began. "Because of that, I would like to try some more natural remedies. Since there is no magic involved, they might be more effective."

Tanya watched as Faina picked up the jar once more and removed the lid. Inside was a thick, pale green substance which Tanya had never seen before. Even before Faina explained what it was, the princess was fairly sure she knew what it was for. The witch dipped two fingers into the jar and held up some of the ointment for Tanya to inspect.

"This is a topical cream that I often use for curse relief," she said, confirming Tanya's guess. "Would you like to help me apply it, Lyuba?"

"Of course, Faina," the younger witch replied, scooting closer to her companions. Feeling hopeful, Tanya closed her eyes and tried not to move as Faina and Lyu began to spread the cream on her nose. It was a strange feeling at first, but before long the princess actually came to enjoy it. The cream left a cool, soothing sensation on her skin, and Tanya could feel some of her stress finally fading away.

"Almost finished," Faina said a moment later. Tanya opened her eyes and smiled. The elder witch's fingertips gently pressed the princess's nose upward as she applied the cream around the nostrils. Then, once the underside of Tanya's nose was covered, her whole nose was frosted with the pale green ointment.

"How do you feel?" asked Faina, cleaning her hands. Tanya happily closed her eyes, letting out a content sigh.

"It's very relaxing, actually," she said, lightly wiggling her nose.

"The next part may be a bit difficult," Faina warned. Tanya's eyes shot open, and she gazed anxiously at the witch. Faina smiled comfortingly as she dipped a cotton swab into the jar. Tanya swallowed nervously, quickly glancing at Lyu before turning back to Faina.

"I wish there were an easier way, but the cream also needs to be applied inside of your nose," the witch explained. Tanya frowned, but she raised no objection. She closed her eyes as Faina gently lifted her chin with her free hand.

"Be gentle," pleaded Tanya. The elder witch nodded, and then she carefully reached her cotton swab into the princess's right nostril. Tanya twitched as Faina began to spread a layer of the cream on the insides of her nasal passages.

"It tih... It t-tickles!" the princess complained, wrinkling her nose. She struggled against the urge to move her head, knowing it would be for the best if she allowed Faina to finish. Tanya's nostrils flared massively, but luckily this made it easier for Faina to reach her cotton swab inside. After a minute more, Tanya's nostrils were still flaring and her breath shuddered desperately, but Faina managed to steadily line the right side of the princess's nose with cream.

"One side done," said the witch, placing a comforting hand on Tanya's shoulder. The princess nodded, keeping her eyes squeezed shut. As Faina disposed of her cotton swab and produced a new one, Lyu slid up next to Tanya and held her hand. Tanya squeezed tight, fighting as hard as she could to ignore the agonizing tickle in her nose as Faina started on her the left nostril.

"You can do it, Tanya," encouraged Lyu. She squeezed the princess's hand in return, and then she gave Tanya a relaxing backrub. Her breath still wavering, Tanya's nostrils relaxed and then flared wide open again. A tear formed at the corner of her left eye and rolled down her cheek as she fought not to sneeze. Lyu quickly reached up a hand and wiped it away, the friendly gesture allowing Tanya to smile for the first time during the application.

"There, all done," Faina announced a moment later. "Good girl."

Letting out an enormous sigh of relief, Tanya finally managed to open her watery eyes. She began to laugh as she felt her stress fading away, once again pleased by the cool sensation afforded by the cream. Tanya leaned against Lyu, who gave her a congratulatory hug. They embraced for a moment, but the princess suddenly perked up, a look of fear in her eyes.

"Uh oh," she breathed, leaning back out of the hug. Her eyes fluttered and her nostrils flared forebodingly, prompting Lyu to jump and sit at attention.

"Tanya, it's okay," she said, watching her friend wrinkle her nose. "You're not going to sneeze."

"Y-yes, I... I ahh..." Tanya breathed, her head tipping back.

"No you're not! I know you can hold it in!"

"Ahhhh..."

"Come on, Tanya!"

"Ahhhhhhh..."

"Don't sneeze!"

"Ahhhhh-!"

Tanya froze at the peak the buildup to her sneeze. Her head was reared so far back that the tip of her nose was pointing straight up at the ceiling, nostrils open as wide as they would go. Then, Tanya's nostrils suddenly relaxed, returning to their normal triangular shape. She waved a hand up and down below her face, and then she finally slumped forward, successfully fighting off her sneeze.

"Whew!" she sighed, leaning against Lyu once more. "That was a close one!"

"Very good, Tanya," praised Faina, placing a hand on the princess's shoulder once more. "You might not know it, but you have a strong spirit."

"Thanks," Tanya breathed, taking one of the elder witch's hands. "It still tickles, though."

"I'm sure it does," said Faina, smiling sympathetically as Tanya wiggled her nose. "Just hold on for a couple more minutes, and then we can remove the cream."

"I'll do my best," said the princess, releasing the witch's hand. She carefully leaned back and laid down on the floor to relax, and a moment later Lyu laid down next to her. The young witch wanted to talk, but when she noticed Tanya close her eyes, she decided it would be just as nice to rest quietly.

Just as Tanya was about to doze off, Faina returned and sat down beside her. The witch's hand on her shoulder caused her to calmly open her eyes, though she felt somewhat less calm when she noticed Faina's somber expression. Sitting up, Tanya wiggled her nose and then gazed curiously at the elder witch.

"What's wrong, Faina?" she asked, tilting her head to one side. Flaring her nostrils, she reached a finger up to her face to rub her nose, but she quickly remembered the cream and put her hand down again. Faina managed to smile, but Tanya could clearly see the sorrow behind it.

"I'm so sorry, dear," the witch began, placing a hand on the princess's shoulder again. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. It would seem that I too am powerless against your curse."

Tanya felt tears gather at the corners of her eyes the instant she heard the words. Still, she managed a genuine smile. The princess took Faina's hand in hers and squeezed, lightly shaking her head.

"Thank you so much for trying," Tanya choked, swallowing her wave of emotions. Faina gently pulled her closer and gave the princess a hug, and they were both joined by Lyu a moment later.

"I can at least tell you what happened," Faina continued once the embrace ended. Tanya nodded, lifting a finger to wipe the tears from one eye. She sat back and waited patiently, slowly regaining her composure.

"I hope you don't mind that I observed you rather intently while you were resting," the witch began, prompting Tanya to shake her head with a smile. "There are some forms of magic that you will not find in the shops around the city, at least not legally. One such art is a forbidden school of curses. In the past, this magic was only ever used to maim soldiers during the wars of sorcery. I've never before seen it used for something so childish as enlarging a princess's nose."

Despite the morbid nature of Faina's tale, Tanya giggled lightly. The witch smiled back, and then she resumed her explanation after clearing her throat.

"The simplest way I can explain your case is this. The reason your curse can't be cured is because you aren't actually cursed anymore. Your nose isn't just a magic trick that can be undone. The spell that was cast on you fundamentally changed the way you are, and as a result there simply isn't a counterspell."

"I understand," Tanya said with a solemn nod. She had hoped for a more optimistic explanation, but at least Faina was honest. The princess smiled after taking a moment to think, and then the witch smiled in return.

"Alright, let's clean off that cream," suggested Faina, revealing another new jar. This one appeared to contain dandelion seeds, making Tanya raise an eyebrow.

"What are those for?" she asked, pointing at the jar. Faina chuckled and removed a pinch of fluffy seeds.

"I thought it might be too messy if the ointment had to be removed by hand," she said, reaching toward the princess. "So I designed it to do this..."

Faina sprinkled a pinch of dandelion seeds on top of Tanya's nose. She scrunched up her face, but she opened her eyes in time to see the cream on the surface of her nose starting to evaporate. The princess watched in quiet awe as the seeds took to the air and floated away once they had done their job. Then, she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"Hey, Tanya," giggled Lyu. The princess turned to face her, and then the young witch blew a handful of fluffy seeds in her face. Lyu cackled as Faina shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. Several of the seeds collected around Tanya's nostrils, evaporating the cream on the underside of her nose. Most of them, however, floated inside. Faina had a more elegant method to accomplish the same goal, but at least Lyu found away to remove the ointment from Tanya's nasal passages.

"Ahhh... Ahhhhh... Ahhhhhhh..."

Lyu's laughter instantly ceased. She gasped in terror and held up her hands, immediately regretting her foolish decision. Tanya paid her no heed, tipping her head back as her nostrils began to flare. The fluffy seeds tickled her horribly, and her attempt at stopping her building sneeze was appropriately short-lived.

"Tanya, no!" cried Lyu, squeezing her eyes shut in anticipation.

"AEESHHOOOOO!!!"

A mixture of cream and dandelion seeds sprayed from Tanya's expansive nostrils, coating Lyu's face and sending her tumbling head over heels. The princess delicately rubbed her nose for a moment, but when she opened her eyes she immediately began to laugh at her friend. Lyu sighed in resignation, accepting that she got what she was asking for.

"Sorry, my fault," she groaned, wiping off her face. Luckily, the cream quickly evaporated and the last of the seeds floated away. The princess and the witches returned to their feet, preparing to say their farewells. Tanya began to coil her scarf around her neck, but Lyu suddenly poked the tip of her large nose before she could cover it.

"AESHOO!!!"

The princess blew the young witch back to the floor with a comparatively small sneeze. Tanya rubbed her nose with a smile, and she and Faina shared a good-natured laugh at Lyu's expense as she returned to her feet.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't be of more help, Princess Tanya," Faina apologized once more, bowing her head. Tanya smiled, extending a hand to the witch. Faina shook it and smiled back.

"Don't worry," said Tanya, shaking her head. "I'm just grateful that you tried."

"I do have one last piece of parting advice," Faina added as the princess concealed her nose with her scarf. "A good teacher would never tell her students not to take risks, and thus I will not discourage you from exploring your options. However, I ask that you refrain from doing anything foolish."

Tanya nodded again in thanks, and then she and Lyu departed Faina's magic shop. They stood silently on the steps outside for a moment, and then they made their way down the street deeper into the magic district. Lyu happily followed along, but she paused when Tanya suddenly turned into a back alleyway.

"What's next, Tanya?" she asked, cocking her head. The princess paused, finalizing her decision. She turned back to Lyu with a determined look in her eyes.

"Something foolish."

[Blah!?]

5. Do Androids Contemplate Murder like Electric Sheep?

Chapter 1

As a child, old police movies had taught Detective Kari Church that crime scenes were supposed to be bathed in red and blue lights from half a dozen cars as twice as many officers milled about. Outside the Astromation warehouse, Kari was greeted only by darkness and silence. A single police security drone was posted outside the open shutter leading into the warehouse, and it seemed not even an official from the manufacturing company that owned the building could be bothered to make an appearance. The detective had a feeling she would be the only human on site.

Kari's skin prickled for a second as she stepped out of her car and into the chilly air. The rain was still a few hours off, but she knew she was going to end up stuck in it regardless. Keeping her hands in her pockets, she approached the security drone and made eye contact. The imposing robot stared down at her for a second, passively scanning her retinas, and then it gave a minimalistic nod.

"Good evening, Detective Church," the drone greeted in a surprisingly natural voice. "The forensic unit arrived at 8:24pm, approximately eight minutes ago."

Nodding back in silent thanks, Kari stepped past the robot and made her way into the warehouse. She had to duck under a line of glowing police tape, but she was certain nobody was about to accidentally wander into this crime scene. Before her were rows upon rows of deactivated androids, all pitch black due to the building's lack proper illumination. After drawing her flashlight from her belt and switching it on, Kari pressed forward. Rounding the corner and heading down one of the aisles, she found her way to the victim's body and the lone robot that made up the forensic unit.

"Good evening, Detective Church," said Mack, the 7th precinct's local forensic investigation android. Mack found herself on the lucky side of the uncanny valley, though her narrow eyes and her too-perfect pageboy hairstyle gave her a constant impatient air. Her choice of words was identical to that of the security drone, but Kari had come to expect nothing less.

"Hey, Mack," replied the detective, approaching what appeared to be a ravaged pile of machinery and synthetic skin. After staring down at the remains of the slaughtered android for a moment, Kari turned her head up to Mack.

"Any idea who this is? I assume he passed his TVK test?"

"Yes," answered Mack with a requisite nod. "You would not have been summoned for a property damage case. There was an outage in the on-site security grid, but when it resumed service it detected that the victim was recognized as a citizen. This was likely a murder."

"I doubt he would have ended up like this if it was a suicide," Kari mumbled to herself, placing a hand on her chin. "Besides, how many robots have ever killed themselves after passing the TVK?"

"Fourteen since the inception of the test, all under duress. No robotic citizen has ever self-terminated of its own volition," answered Mack, kneeling on the other side of the mechanical corpse. "I would like to determine the victim's identity, but I require your authorization to access its memory drive."

"Go ahead," granted the detective, watching the forensic android produce a wire from her arm and connect it to the remains of a solid state drive. Mack's eyes flashed a pixelated blue for a second and then she disconnected herself from the destroyed robot.

"The victim is a Unico D-series generalist android, serial number 144973. He identified himself as Nathaniel West, and he attained citizenship in 2081 via the Turing Voight Kampff test. He lived alone in an apartment in the Chrome Quarter where he also worked as a scrap dealer. The cause of termination appears to be catastrophic data corruption due to extensive hardware failure, which was in turn caused by repeated blunt force trauma."

"He's a long way from home," said Kari, glancing up at Mack for a moment. "Anything on what he was doing all the way out in the corporate industrial sector? It's not exactly a tourist trap."

"West's memories show no signs of being tampered with, but they are too corrupted for me to access here. They may be impossible to recover even with the full laboratory. The only anomaly I can find here are his update logs. West appears to have downloaded and installed a software update unsanctioned by Unico earlier this morning, but I cannot identify it at the present."

"Well, that can't be a coincidence," Kari mused, straightening up and turning away from West's remains. Even after years of being primarily assigned to robot crimes, she still wasn't sure how to feel about murder cases. Any robot that could pass the TVK test was officially recognized as a person and would be given all the same basic human rights. As West had passed the Turing Voight Kampff test, he must have been capable of integrating into society. Kari couldn't tell if he used to look like a real human, but he at least must have been able to act like one. At the end of the day, however, Nathaniel West had no relatives of any kind. Once Mack was finished with her investigation, the android's body would become the property of his manufacturers, and he'd be returned to them for recycling.

"You said there was an interruption in the security system, right?" asked Kari, turning back to the police android. Mack nodded and stood up, being careful not to disturb West's remains further. She then indicated to a control booth hanging from the ceiling in the corner of the warehouse, only visible to Kari once she had turned her shoulder light to face it.

"Correct. All surveillance equipment was offline for a period of four minutes and thirteen seconds. I can access all records from before and after the interruption, but I require your authorization."

"Let's do it," said Kari, giving a nod. Mack turned and led the detective along the most efficient path to the control booth. After climbing a set of stairs and traversing a catwalk, Mack stepped aside to allow Kari to open the door to the booth. After taking one last glance down at the rows of inactive robots, the detective wrapped her hand around the doorknob and pulled.

"Ehh... HehTSHH!"

Kari sneezed immediately as a wave of dust filled her nostrils. She vaguely noticed Mack step past her and access the control booth's computer as she prepared to sneeze again, her left hand waving limply up and down in front of her face.

"HAAHkshhh!"

"Bless you, detective," said Mack, her attention still focused on the computer. Kari squinted through the dusty air, but she could barely make out more than the glow of the computer screen. She slid an index finger back and forth under her upturned nose, doing her best to suppress a building third sneeze. The edges of her triangular nostrils quivered, and then they flared massively to make way for the inevitable.

"HESHH-hooh!"

"Bless you," Mack repeated, sounding almost annoyed despite her lack of emotion. Kari sniffed as silently as she could as she reached into her jacket for a tissue.

"Excuse me," the detective coughed, slipping the wide, flat tip of her nose into the folded paper square clutched in her left hand. "It's the dust."

"Your medical records do not indicate that you are allergic," droned Mack as she typed with astonishing speed and dexterity. Kari rolled her eyes as she gently wiped her nose with the tissue.

"I'm... I'm not. There's just so... So muhh... Ihh... HEksh! So much of it."

The detective forced a dry, scratchy blow into her tissue, ignoring Mack as she explained that this terminal or even the control booth in general hadn't been accessed in over three years. Eventually her rapid typing came to an abrupt halt, and Kari leaned in to watch the playback. Mack started the recording at an hour before the interruption and played it at triple speed, her mechanical eyes scanning for anything that the detective might miss. Kari managed to keep from sneezing up until the end of the recording, when she drew a deep breath and doubled over into Mack's shoulder just as the video stopped.

"AESHooh! Ugh, did I miss anything? I sneezed."

"You did not," replied Mack, typing in a string of commands to transmit a copy of the recording to the precinct database for further review.

"I doubt we'll see anything after surveillance resumed, but let's take a look just to be safe," Kari instructed, gently rubbing a finger under her nose. Mack nodded and queued up the next recording. Just as the detective predicted, the warehouse's cameras and speakers picked up nothing but darkness and silence. Even the infrared videos were completely cold.

"Alright, I think that's all we can do from here," Kari sighed, producing a fresh tissue to protect her nostrils from the dusty air. Running a hand through her short, dark ponytail, the detective backed up to allow Mack to stand, and then the both of them exited the control booth. They made their way back down to the ground floor, with Kari pausing halfway down the stairs to sneeze the last of the dust back out of her nose.

"Eh... AhTSHH! I-I assume you already made a full sweep of the building?"

"I did," answered Mack. "There were no signs of forced entry, and no points of interest aside from the victim."

"Then whoever did this must either have had access to the building, or a very light touch," Kari speculated, rubbing her nose with her tissue. She gave her nostrils a firm, twisting squeeze between her thumb and forefinger before balling up the tissue and tucking it into her pocket.

"Let's get Mr. West packed up, and then you can run your autopsy. I want to take one last look around, and then I'll check in with you at the precinct tomorrow," said Kari, coming to a stop beside the security drone.

"Understood, Detective Church," both robots said in unison, and then they both headed back into the warehouse to attend to the victim. Mack and the drone loaded Nathaniel West's remains into their vehicle and departed for the 7th precinct, leaving Kari alone at the scene of the crime. Despite the recent violence, the gentle patter of rain on the roof helped the detective relax. Holding up her flashlight, she began to make the rounds. Kari had no reason to believe Mack had missed anything, but she still felt compelled to give her crime scene the human touch.

The gentle rain intensified to a torrential downpour in less than an hour. Deciding it would be best to head home before it became too late and too wet, Kari resolved to depart. Just as she was about to exit the building, however, she heard the warehouse's metal ceiling give a low, protracted groan. The detective closed her eyes and sighed. Aside from the sound of the rain, the building had been completely silent all night. Feeling compelled to leave no stone unturned, Kari turned around and headed back toward the staircase.

The stairs emitted a creak of their own as soon as Kari took the first step. The rainy thunder above was suddenly pockmarked with heavy footfalls across the roof, the telltale sound of someone making their escape. Feeling an immediate surge of adrenaline, Kari leaped up the steps and sprinted along the catwalk until she reached a ladder leading to the ceiling. She flung the trap door open and was nearly pushed back down the ladder by the downpour, but she soldiered on.

Hoisting herself up onto the warehouse's slippery roof, Kari quickly caught sight of her suspect. A nondescript figure was running lengthwise across the building, making use of the flat area at the peak of the roof. Kari tore after it, carefully dividing her attention between maintaining her footing on the wet metal and drawing her tazer from its holster. Just as the runaway was about to reach the end of the roof, the detective dropped to one knee and leveled her weapon. She slicked her drenched bangs back to keep them out of her eyes, and then she gave a single warning.

"Stop!" Kari commanded, doing her best to raise her voice above the storm. The suspect turned to look back at her: that was all the proof Kari needed that her order had been ignored. Knowing she had no time to lose, Kari lined up her shot and fired. A wireless dart flew through the air, ready to deliver 50,000 volts on impact. The detective made her mark, but to her surprise her target seemed only mildly agitated. He turned around in his attempt to remove the dart from his back, revealing nondescript masculine features. After a bit of struggle the man pulled the dart from his back and dropped it on the roof, but the detective was already back on her feet.

Kari had nearly caught up with the man when he suddenly sprinted back up to full speed and leaped from the roof toward the next building. He landed on his feet and quickly resumed running. The detective didn't slow down; the man's jump didn't appear to have been an amazing feat of strength, and by her judgment the distance between the buildings was within her limits. Propelling herself as fast as she could, Kari holstered her tazer and jumped.

The detective's feet landed squarely on the ledge of the next building's roof, but she accidentally threw her weight backwards as she attempted to steady herself. Just as she was sure she would fall, Kari felt someone grab her left arm. She had been staring straight ahead the whole time, but her eyes finally focused on the man she had just shot. His upper body was covered by nothing more than a plain t-shirt and a cardigan: it seemed unlikely that he was wearing any sort of body armor. As the detective stared into the man's unblinking eyes, she realized her suspect had to be a robot too.

"I didn't kill anyone!" the android shouted, breaking Kari's train of thought. She regained her composure as best she could while leaning over the edge of the roof, glaring at the man holding her up.

"Then why did you run?" demanded the detective, grabbing the robot's arm to steady herself. The android broke eye contact, staring down and to the side.

"I... I was afraid."

A hundred thoughts coursed through Kari's mind, but for a moment she couldn't bring herself to vocalize any of them. After a second of stammering, she finally managed to speak.

"What? That's impossible! You're a robot!"

"I don't understand it either, but it is what it is! I was afraid then, and I'm still afraid now!"

"Yeah, well, me too!"

Kari found herself grinning inexplicably as she looked down at the drop below. The android was still gripping her tightly, but his expression had softened somewhat when the detective looked back up at him. Keeping her uncomfortable smirk, Kari turned her eyes to the side and shouted over the storm once more.

"Look, you're going to have to either pull me up or let me fall sooner or later. I'm getting tired of hanging here."

Half expecting the android to hoist her onto the roof, Kari was somewhat surprised when he suddenly gripped the edge of the roof with his free hand and lowered both their bodies down toward the ground. The detective narrowed her eyes at him in frustration, but she gave no objection. Once both the android's arms were fully extended, leaving Kari roughly eight feet above the ground, he let go.

After devoting her attention to proper falling technique, Kari expected the robot to be long gone once she recovered. To her surprise she managed to glimpse him as he flung himself effortlessly onto the roof, and he even looked back down to make sure she had landed safely. Kari thought to ask him his name, but she already knew he wouldn't answer. They stared into each other's eyes for a brief moment before the android turned and disappeared.

Kari scooted up against the warehouse's wall and sighed. Now that her adrenaline was wearing off, she was becoming painfully aware of how wet and cold she was. All of her clothes were completely soaked through, and as she slipped her hands into her pockets she discovered all of her tissues had been turned to a slimy pulp. Her expensive equipment may have been waterproof, but she certainly wasn't. The detective let her head hang back as she tried to relax, but she found it suddenly difficult to draw breath through her nose. Feeling immeasurably frustrated, Kari scrunched up her face and snorted in through her nostrils. She only managed a single inhalation before she blew it all back out with a sneeze.

"Hih... HAAkshh! Ugh..."

The rain was still going strong when Kari returned home. She dragged herself sloppily through the parking garage to the elevator, and then she nearly fell asleep against the wall as she ascended to the twenty-eighth floor. After a few attempts to unlock her door, Kari finally slipped into her apartment. Despite her exhaustion, she couldn't help but smile at the telltale snoring of her husband Frank on the couch. Kari debated whether she should let him sleep or tell him she was home, but a sudden urge to sneeze made the decision for her.

"AhTSH!"

Knowing her soaked tissues were useless, Kari cupped a hand over her nose to cover the sneeze. Keeping her hand in place, she stared weakly over the back of the couch as Frank stirred and sat up. He lazily turned to face his dripping wife, and he became wide awake once he realized it was her.

"Kari?" Frank stammered, nearly falling off the couch as he tried to stand. Kari groaned pitifully, wordlessly beckoning him over to give her a hug. She lowered her hand away from her nose as her husband approached, and then they shared the warmest embrace they could.

"You're soaking! And freezing!" observed Frank, backing up and placing a hand on his forehead. Kari sniffed and shrugged.

"Oh really?" she grumbled, staring at her husband as she wiped her nose on her forearm. Frank reached around her head and removed the scrunchie from her ponytail. Kari's drenched hair fell to her neck and shoulders with a wet splat, nearly making her giggle. She began to shed her clothes on the floor, prompting her husband to run to the nearest bathroom and bring her a towel.

"Are you alright?" asked Frank as he draped the towel around his wife's shoulders. Kari stared at him with hazy eyes for a second, her mouth drooping open as she searched for the words.

"Eh... HESHHH!"

A harsh sneeze was her only response. Frank bit his lip in concern as his wife rubbed her nose and breathed an inelegant snort to open her nostrils. Realizing that Kari's tissues must have been reduced to mush, Frank quickly retrieved a fresh box. Kari immediately tore out a paper square as soon as they were within reach.

"AeKSHH!"

Kari sneezed once more, this time directing it into her tissue. Keeping it planted over her nose with one hand, she drew a deep breath and blew. Normally Kari would have been appalled by the sloppy, wet sound, but she was simply too tired to care.

"Thanks," she finally managed to mumble, avoiding eye contact with Frank as she massaged her nostrils through the tissue. "It's just a little case of the sniffles. I'll be better in the morning, and then I'll go to work. I'm fine. Yeah."

Frank put his hands on his hips and smiled. He knew better to argue with her, so he simply put an arm around his wife and guided her to the bedroom. Kari instinctively sat down on her side of the bed, lazily watching Frank as he walked around to his spot. Taking a deep breath, Kari blew her nose one more time, saturating her tissue. She tossed it weakly toward the nearest waste basket, not terribly bothered that she missed by several inches.

Finally out of energy, Kari was asleep before she even laid down. She keeled over just as Frank sat on his side of the bed, but even in her unconscious state she was able to tuck herself under the covers. After getting into bed himself, Frank smiled and braced himself for the inevitable. It was less than a minute before Kari began to scoot toward him. Frank jumped as their backsides touched: Kari was freezing, and brushing against her had shocked him wide awake. Still, as he weighed his own discomfort against Kari's content moan, he decided it was worth it.

Chapter 2

"Wake up, Kari!"

Letting out a groan evenly between exhausted and irritated, Kari rolled over and tried to pretend she was still asleep. She had been roused by a voice other than her husband's: it was Bobbie, the housekeeping robot. Unlike the androids the detective had dealt with the previous evening, Bobbie wasn't meant to resemble a person. Instead she was simply a hovering sphere with an animated screen for a face and a set of retractable arms. Kari typically found her happy nature charming, but today she only wanted silence and slumber.

"Wake up!" Bobbie repeated, gently prodding her owner's back through the covers. Kari kept her face planted in her pillow for as long as she could, but before long her stuffy nose made it difficult to breathe. Lifting her head, Kari sniffed so hard it became a snort, and then she began to cough lightly.

"Aww! Did you catch a cold, Kari?" asked Bobbie, a tinge of concern in her peppy voice. Kari ignored the robot and reached for a tissue from the bedside table. Rolling over onto her back, she held the tissue against the underside of her nose and sighed.

"Ugh, I think I'm coming down with something," the detective groaned, gently rubbing her tissue against her nostrils. She took a deep breath in preparation for a blow, but a sneeze forced its way out first.

"Heh! HESH-hooh!"

Kari sneezed powerfully into the tissue, and she kept it pressed to her nostrils as she felt another tickle creeping in. She tried to sit up, but her muscles gave out and she flopped back down onto her pillow just in time for two more sneezes.

"Ahh... HaahTCHH! Eh? Eshh-HOOoo!"

"Gesundheit, Kari!" giggled Bobbie, clasping her circular hands together. "Those were some big ones! Would you like me to call the precinct and tell them you need to stay home?"

"What? No," muttered the detective, finally sitting up. She retrieved a fresh tissue and blew her nose loudly. It was an unflattering sound, but at least it helped her feel better.

"I need to go to work today. Can you get me a bathrobe?"

"Sure thing!"

Kari blew her nose again as Bobbie retrieved a plush robe from the closet. She draped it around her owner's shoulders and then placed a pair of fuzzy slippers at the edge of the bed. Giving the robot a nod of thanks, Kari slunk out of the bedroom to get some coffee.

"Morning, Kari," greeted Frank, startling the detective. In her groggy state she hadn't even noticed that he wasn't in bed when she awoke. Kari wiped her nose and threw her tissue away, trying not to look helpless.

"Good morning," she croaked, sliding up to the kitchen counter. Frank smiled and slid her a mug of coffee. Kari's eyes twinkled as she picked it up and immediately began sniffing it to unclog her nostrils.

"Thanks, you're a lifesaver," she moaned after taking a sip. She gave her husband a smile and he mirrored it with one of his own, though he couldn't hide the concern in his eyes.

"Feeling any better?" Frank asked, immediately earning a pout from his wife. Kari set her mug back down on the counter and rubbed her nose, refusing to make eye contact.

"I'm fine," she grunted, pressing her finger to her nostrils for a second before sliding it away. "I told you, it's just the sniffles. I'm ah... HACHH-hooh!"

"Hey," said Frank in a soft voice, standing up from his stool. "I won't tell you what to do, but can you try to take it easy?"

"No promises," Kari choked, dragging her nostrils along her forearm. She sniffed and daintily rubbed her nose with an outstretched finger, and then she spread her arms to give her husband a hug. They embraced for a minute, gently rocking back and forth before separating and smiling at each other.

"How about that you'll be all better by the time I get back from Berlin?" asked Frank with a smirk. Kari grinned back and shook her head.

"That's a bit more realistic."

"Oh, one last thing before I leave," Frank continued, turning his head toward the bathroom. "I know if I ask you to take a rest and go to work late, you're still going to leave the second I do. But I thought maybe if I made you a nice bubble bath..."

"B-bubble bath?"

Kari's face lit up and she breathed an excited gasp. With no concern for her own wellbeing she immediately ran to the bathroom and flung the door open. To her delight the tub was filled with pink bubbles and suds, and even in the hall she could feel the pleasant warmth from the hot water. Kari kicked off her slippers and stepped into the bathroom, and she already felt as though she could melt into a puddle of happiness. With an amused smile she dropped her bathrobe to the floor and turned to give Frank a good look, but the moment was quickly spoiled by an untimely sneeze.

"Hah... AHHkshhooh! Ugh..."

Frank broke out in hysterical laughter as Kari rubbed her nose with one hand and covered herself with the other. She slunk over to the tub and carefully lowered herself into the bubbly water. The comfortable warmth immediately washed her embarrassment away, and then she turned to smile lovingly at her husband.

"Stay over there, I'll get you wet!" Kari commanded, jabbing a finger at Frank. "I love you."

"I love you too," Frank replied. "I'll see you in a couple of days."

He blew Kari a kiss from the doorway, prompting her to simultaneously smile and roll her eyes. She stared after Frank as he closed the door, and then she shut her eyes and sank into the tub to relax. Kari nearly felt calm enough to fall asleep again, but she quickly became agitated as the stuffiness began creeping back into her nostrils. Keeping her eyes peacefully closed, she sniffed, wiggled her nose, and rubbed underneath it with a wet finger.

"Kari! Phone call!"

Bobbie's voice shattered the detective's trance nearly half an hour later. Pinching the bridge of her nose, Kari groaned audibly and hung her head. She knew she could have asked Bobbie who was calling, but in the moment she assumed it must have been from the precinct.

"I'll take it in here," said Kari, turning her head to the door. "And can you bring me a handkerchief?"

A moment later the spherical robot floated into the steamy room, holding Kari's phone in one hand and a silk handkerchief in the other. Bobbie handed both of them to her owner before retreating to just outside the bathroom door.

"Thanks," Kari acknowledged, quickly positioning the handkerchief under her nose. She answered her phone, still without checking who was calling, and the voice that came through nearly made her drop the device into the tub.

"Kari! Sweetie!"

Letting out another groan, the detective pinched the bridge of her nose once more.

"Hi, mom."

"It's been so long! I didn't think you'd answer at this time of day, but I decided to take a chance. How have you been?"

"I'm..." Kari began, pausing to sniff and wipe her nose with her handkerchief. "I'm alright."

She made no attempt to engage, knowing her mother wouldn't require any stimuli. Most of all, she certainly didn't want to bring up her cold.

"That's wonderful! You know, I was watching the news last night and they were running another report about that Flesh and Blood movement."

"How nice," droned Kari, gently squeezing her nose through her handkerchief.

"I don't really like how the media keeps portraying them as these terrible people. If I was your age, maybe I'd be out there with them."

"Mom..."

"I just don't trust all these robots these days."

"Robots have been around since before you were born. Plus, you like Bobbie, don't you?"

Kari turned to the little robot to find her smiling and nodding enthusiastically. That was almost enough to cheer her up.

"Ooh, I love Bobbie! But I'm not paying taxes so Bobbie can have her own house and eat her own food that she doesn't even need."

Without a word, Kari muted her end of the call. She set her phone down on the edge of the bathtub, far enough from the water that she wouldn't accidentally knock it in. Then, after folding her handkerchief over, she held it to the underside of her nose and let off a long-needed flurry of sneezes.

"Eh... Hahh... HAAkchh! Hih! HAHSHH-hooh! Ah-Hah-Haah-! Aaaahhh... Haah."

Kari's third sneeze vanished after an extensive buildup, leaving her with nothing more than a tickly nose. Squeezing her eyes shut, she furiously scrubbed her handkerchief back and forth against her nostrils, willing the tickle to disappear. Once the irritation finally stopped, Kari sniffed, blew her nose, and decided she probably shouldn't ignore her mother any longer.

"...What's next? Are robots going to start having children too? Oh! Speaking of which, when in the world are you and Frank going to make me a grandmother?"

"Mom..." Kari sighed, immediately regretting resuming the call.

"Just because you got married before your brother doesn't mean you get to slack off, you know!"

"Mom! Oh my god!"

Without another word, Kari ended the call and dropped her phone over the side of the bathtub. Letting her head hang back, she took a deep breath and sighed as Bobbie hovered over to retrieve the phone. The little robot picked up the device with both hands and then turned to Kari with her perpetual smile.

"You have prematurely ended thirty eight calls from that number. Would you like me to block it?"

Kari blew bubbles with a snort of laughter. Unable to stop herself from giggling, she sat up in the tub, rubbed her nose, and turned to her robot with an amused grin.

"No, Bobbie. Don't block my mom."

[Blah!?]

6. Sweethearts! Chapter 1

As the last class of the day drew to a close, Autumn packed her bag and made her way to the music department. Vanilla Valley High School had a fairly large campus, but this was a walk Autumn was used to. Her best friend Valerie often asked her to come see her in one of the practice rooms at the end of the day. Now that Autumn was in her junior year, almost everything felt routine.

"Aht'CHH!"

Even sneezing, it seemed. Autumn covered her long, freckled nose with one hand as she stepped outside and caught a soft but strained sneeze. A group of other students stepped around her as she threw back her head and prepared for another one.

"Aht'CH!"

Keeping her eyes closed for a moment, Autumn resumed her walk. She knew the path by heart, so she barely had to look to know where she was going. Eventually, Autumn managed to force her eyes open in time to see another group of students step around her. Feeling a bit self-conscious, Autumn held her fingers flat and rubbed them under her long nostrils.

"Darn allergies," Autumn mumbled, wrinkling her nose. Hearing the distant sound of a lawn mower made her rub her nostrils even harder as she quickened her pace to the music department. Autumn's tickly nose ached for air conditioning, but there was nothing she could do until she got inside again.

"Ahh... Aht'CHH!"

Autumn managed to keep herself from sneezing again until she reached the next building. Just as before, she cupped a hand over the bottom of her nose to catch the sneeze. This time, there was no one around to witness it, so Autumn managed to keep from feeling embarrassed.

The inside of the music department was almost completely dark, but the one lit room guided Autumn to the right place. Only one practice room was occupied; Valerie was sure to be inside. Autumn smiled when she heard the muffled sounds of a guitar as she approached. She rubbed her fingers under her nostrils for a second, and then she raised a fist and knocked on the door.

The guitar playing suddenly stopped and the building fell eerily silent. Still, Autumn knew to expect this at the end of the day. She waited a few seconds more before opening the door to the practice room, knowing Valerie would be alright with it.

"Hi, Val," said Autumn as she stepped inside.

"Hey, Autumn," Valerie responded, waving one had at her friend. She was perched atop a small stool and hunched over her electric guitar, quietly plucking a few strings as she twisted the tuning heads. Once she was finished, Valerie sat up straight and played the first few bars from Rebel Rebel, earning a smile from Autumn. Then, she set the guitar down on a nearby stand and turned to her friend, simultaneously removing her glasses to clean them.

"So, what's up?" Autumn asked, rubbing her nose.

"There's something I wanted to ask you," Valerie said as she wiped the lenses of her glasses. Her voice was as husky as always, but it sounded weaker than Autumn was used to. "It's kind of important."

"You know you can ask me anything, Val."

"I know, but..." Valerie paused, slipping her glasses back on., "you're probably going to think I'm crazy."

"Well, now you just have to tell me."

Hanging her head, Valerie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She stood up from her stool and paced back and forth across the practice room. Then, Valerie came to a sudden stop and started cleaning her glasses again. Autumn smiled; Val always cleaned her glasses before saying something she thought was embarrassing. Once she put her glasses back on, Valerie took another deep breath and held it for a second before beginning.

"Okay, I'm just going to get it all out at once," she said, starting to blush. Autumn's smile widened and she tried to keep herself from giggling. Every time Valerie had given a flustered confession in the past, it never ended up being as bad as she thought it would. After pausing for a second, Valerie clenched her fists and squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to look at her friend as she spoke.

"Autumn, I'm a magical girl and I want you to become one with me!"

The practice room hung in silent limbo for a moment, Valerie's blush growing more intense with each passing second. Just as Val was starting to sweat, Autumn laughed and shrugged her shoulders.

"Magical girl? You mean like those cartoons we used to watch?" Autumn asked, giving her nose another rub. Valerie could only clench her fists and eyes tighter.

"Those weren't cartoons, Autumn! They were anim- Yes! Yes, like those cartoons we used to watch!"

Autumn shrugged again.

"Well, okay, sure. But Halloween isn't for another few months."

"It's not a Halloween costume!" Valerie stammered, trembling with sheer embarrassment. Autumn frowned, furrowing her brow. She pondered for a moment, but her train of thought was interrupted by a sudden sneeze.

"Aht'CHih!"

"B-bless you."

"Ugh, thanks," Autumn groaned, rubbing the underside of her freckled nose with her outstretched fingers. "Val, I think you're just going to have to take it slow and explain what you mean, because I don't really get it."

"Just show her, boing!"

The practice room fell silent once again. Valerie looked like she was about to explode, but Autumn could only stare past her as a small fuzzy creature popped its head out of her friend's bag. It appeared to be some sort of caricaturized rabbit; its round head was even larger than its equally round body, and it had long ears that reached almost all the way down to its feet. Its body was mostly white, but it had rings of pastel green and yellow all over its fur. What interested Autumn most, however, was that it appeared to be alive.

"Wow," Autumn beamed, leaning toward the soft creature, "it's so lifelike! I bet it must have cost a fortune. I didn't know you liked stuffed animals that much, Val!"

"I... I don't!" Valerie stammered, stomping a foot on the floor as her voice cracked. Tears suddenly welled at the corners of the plush animal's eyes and it reached its stubby arms up toward its mouth.

"Y-you don't like me?" it whimpered, starting to tremble. Valerie went weak at the knees, nearly falling over before running over to her bag and kneeling down next to the animal. She scooped it up in her arms and began to stroke the back of its head.

"No, that's not what I meant! You know I like you, Jellybean."

"Oh my god!" Autumn shouted, her voice squeaking with surprise. "Is it actually alive?"

Valerie ignored her friend for a moment, continuing to stroke the animal. Jellybean, as Valerie had called it, purred and began to wiggle with delight. Autumn could only stare in bewilderment as a second fuzzy creature emerged from her friend's bag. This one was almost identical to Jellybean, albeit with a different color scheme: orange in place of the green and yellow.

"V-Val..." Autumn stuttered, shakily raising a hand to point at the second animal, "w-why do you have two? Ah... Aht'CHH!"

Valerie ignored Autumn's sneeze and glanced at her bag. Tucking Jellybean under her arm, she grabbed the other creature by the fuzz on its back and held it up.

"Oh, um, this one's yours," Val said unceremoniously. "Her name's Gingerbread, and they're what let us turn into magical girls."

Without any further warning, Valerie tossed Gingerbread at her friend. Autumn was still too stunned to react, but Gingerbread was able to guide herself safely into the young woman's lap.

"Hey! Don't throw me, boing!" Gingerbread yelped, sticking her tongue out at Valerie. Then, she sat up and gazed at Autumn with a huge, beaming smile. Autumn stared down at her in silence, her long nostrils flaring intermittently.

"Gin... Gingerbreahh... Hah... Aht'CHH! Ha'CH!"

Cupping a hand over her nose, Autumn sneezed twice in a row. Her eyes were starting to water, so she blinked away her tears before glancing back up at Valerie. Before she could utter a word, Autumn squeezed her eyes shut again and began to rub her hand back and forth under her nose slowly but firmly.

"Val, I'm still really confused," Autumn admitted, still rubbing her nostrils. "Plus my nose is getting stuffy and I need to go home and take my allergy medicine. Can we maybe talk about this tomorrow?"

Valerie hesitated, and before she could open her mouth, the two fuzzy creatures perked up and glared at her. Their long, fluffy ears pointed straight up at the ceiling and they suddenly shouted "just show her, boing!"

Closing her eyes, Valerie hung her head and sighed. She set Jellybean down on the stool she had been sitting on earlier, and then she gazed back up at Autumn with a determined expression. Pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose, Valerie took a deep breath and tried to appear more confident.

"Alright, just watch this," she instructed, running a hand through her short blonde hair. "I think you'll understand what I mean after you see what I'm talking about."

Autumn nodded slowly, her mouth agape. Valerie took a step back into the most open area of the room, and then she clasped her hands over her chest. A bright yellow-green light began to shine from between Valerie's fingers, and then she let one hand fall to her side while thrusting the other up toward the ceiling.

"Sugar rush!" shouted Valerie, the light growing to envelop her whole body. She levitated a few inches above the ground and her raised hand gradually fell back toward her waist as she began to spin in a slow circle. For a moment her body appeared to be nothing more than the yellow-green light, bright enough to make Autumn cover her eyes. Valerie's blonde hair billowed upward for a second, and when it settled, flecks and streaks of green were visible among the yellow.

After a few seconds, a set of silver chainmail appeared on Valerie's body, extending outward from her chest until it covered her arms and hung down to her thighs. Then, a pair of rugged lime-green boots slid onto her feet and white cloth swirled around her legs, forming a waistband somewhere under the chainmail. Similarly, lemon-yellow gloves fit snugly onto her hands, and as Valerie clenched them into fists, the first two fingers turned the same lime-green as her boots.

To complete Valerie's clothing, more white cloth swirled around her upper body to form an elegant cape that fluttered out behind her shoulders and a frilly and feminine tunic. It had long sleeves and a flared waist, though it left some of the chainmail exposed at her wrists and hips. Once the tunic was fully constructed, more yellow-green light flashed along it, leaving behind ornate trim of the same colors and creating a complex emblem over her chest. Finally, Valerie's glasses floated away from her face, transforming into a pair of silver goggles that rested on her forehead.

With Valerie's outfit finished, her equipment began to appear. A yellow belt flashed into existence just under her chainmail skirt and left a dagger hanging at each thigh. Then, a thin band of light flashed diagonally across her chest and an elegant longbow appeared on her back, held in place by the string. Its body was the same white color as Valerie's tunic, and it featured its own green and yellow trim.

Finally, Valerie began to slowly sink back toward the ground. She removed her bow from her back, twirling it in the air above her head before catching it in her left hand and drawing the string taut with her right. An arrow with a large and ornate head appeared between Valerie's hands, already nocked against the bowstring. After striking a heroic pose with her weapon, Valerie's feet touched the floor once more.

"Citrus Sorbet!" she announced, the last traces of the colored light disappearing. Putting on a goofy smile, Citrus Sorbet turned her gaze to Autumn. Autumn's eyes rolled back into her head and she fell out of her chair, unconscious.

When Autumn came to, Valerie was still Citrus Sorbet, and the sight of her caused Autumn to immediately pass out a second time. Once Autumn awoke again, she was more receptive of the truth and managed to stay conscious. After letting her friend absorb what she had seen, Valerie changed back to her normal self and sent Autumn home with Gingerbread to sleep on it. The walk home was the same as always, but Autumn was in a trance the whole way. Valerie had told her that if she decided to join her as a magical girl, she would have to choose a name for herself, not that Autumn knew what that meant.

"Aht'CHH!"

A sneeze finally snapped Autumn back to reality as she arrived at the Vanilla Valley Bakery. Her home was located on the second floor; the bakery was run by her parents and they found it simplest to live on the same property. A bell jingled lightly as Autumn pushed the front door open, but the sound was quickly drowned out by another sneeze.

"Aht'CHihh!"

"Gesundheit, honey," said Autumn's mother from behind the counter. Autumn could barely summon the energy to glance at her as she rubbed her fingers under her nose. Her mother frowned sympathetically and stepped around the counter to comfort her daughter.

"You feeling alright?"

"Yeah," Autumn groaned, wrinkling her freckly nose up tight as she continued to rub it. "It's just my allergies."

"Well then I have good news for you," her mother chirped, gesturing to the staircase at the rear of the bakery, "I picked up your new prescription today, and I got a whole bunch of tissue boxes."

"Ah... Ahh... Aht'CHH! Ah... Aht'CHHH!"

Autumn sneezed before she could respond, covering her nose with one hand and then lowering it to rub under her nostrils. Her mother's frown became a knowing smile, and she waited a few seconds for her daughter to finish rubbing her nose before giving Autumn a gentle, loving hug. After snuffling and wrinkling her nose for a second, Autumn let out a relaxed sigh and returned the hug.

"Thanks, mom," she whispered, resting her head on her mother's shoulder. After embracing for a moment more, they separated and Autumn's mother returned to her place behind the counter. Autumn followed for a few steps, but she stopped short and plucked a tissue from the box her mother had retrieved from a shelf underneath. After folding the tissue over her freckled nose, Autumn drew a sharp breath and sneezed suddenly.

"Ha'CHHih!"

"Gesundheit," Autumn's mother cooed.

"Ugh, stuffy nose," groaned Autumn, holding the tissue with one hand as she gently pinched her nostrils. She took a deep breath, but before she could blow her nose, her mother suddenly gasped and jabbed a finger at her bag.

"Oh my goodness!" Autumn's mother breathed, her hand trembling, "what is that?"

Autumn jumped in shock, and then she glanced down at her bag, still holding her tissue to her nose. Gingerbread's head was protruding from the top of the bag. Autumn raised an eyebrow, sure she had properly tucked the small creature away and zipped the bag up after her. Assuming Gingerbread must have wiggled free at some point, Autumn glanced back at her mother and shrugged.

"It's so cute!" her mother squealed, placing her hands on her cheeks. Autumn rolled her eyes while her mother's were closed and she fished Gingerbread out of her bag with her free hand.

"Want to hug her?" Autumn offered, already knowing the answer. Her mother nodded emphatically and Autumn held out the plush animal. A split second later, Autumn's mother snatched Gingerbread out of her daughter's hands and held the fuzzy creature to her chest, squeezing her gently and rocking back and forth. Autumn took the time to give her nose a damp, stuffy blow, but when she glanced back up at her mother she was still in a hug-induced trance.

"Mom?" Autumn murmured, wiping her nose with the tissue before throwing it away. Her mother remained oblivious.

"Mom," Autumn repeated, taking a step toward the counter. Still her mother said nothing.

"Mom!"

This time, Autumn firmly placed her hands on the counter and leaned toward her mother, raising her voice almost to a shout. Her mother's eyes snapped open and she frantically glanced around to see if anything had happened.

"What? What is it, honey?" she asked, glancing at her daughter. Autumn rolled her eyes and snatched Gingerbread away from her mother before she could notice the soft animal again. Her mother reached after Gingerbread for a moment, but she quickly gave up on trying to get her back.

"So, how was work today?" Autumn asked, tucking Gingerbread under her arm. Her mother shrugged, leaning against the counter after putting the tissue box away.

"I wanted to try something new, so I took a shot at making a pumpkin parfait."

"A pumpkin parfait?" Autumn echoed, squeezing her eyes shut and rubbing her fingers under her nose. "I like the sound of that."

[Blah!?]

6. Sweethearts! Chapter 2

The next day began much like the last. Autumn drifted from class to class, though she had trouble concentrating after what Valerie had shown her yesterday. Still, the end of the day came soon enough, and Autumn packed her bag and headed across campus to meet her friend. Now that school was over for the weekend, Autumn was sure she and Valerie were the only students left at Vanilla Valley High. If they were going to do any more magical girl work, that would be perfect.

As usual, Autumn fought against the urge to sneeze as she made her way to the music department. The scent of freshly cut grass was still heavy in the air; if anything it was even worse than the day before. Firmly rubbing one hand under her nose, Autumn struggled to open the door into the building with her eyes squeezed shut. The cool air conditioning inside immediately began to soothe her nasal passages, but she could already tell her allergies would be bothering her for a while.

"Aht'CHH!"

Autumn sneezed as she approached the practice rooms. Judging by the lights, Valerie appeared to be in the same one as last time. Giving her nose another rub, Autumn waited outside the door for a moment, trying to guess what her friend was playing this time. She quickly recognized the song as Walk This Way, and then she decided to let herself in. Valerie was too embarrassed to sing, but she always enjoyed having any audience for her guitar playing.

"Hi, Vah... Ahh... Aht'CHih!" Autumn sneezed as she attempted to greet her friend. She raised a hand to wave, but she immediately lowered it and clapped it over her nose just in time to catch the outburst. Valerie finished playing the verse she was on, and then she smiled at Autumn as she set her guitar down on its stand.

"Bless you," said Valerie, giggling to herself as she watched Autumn nod in thanks and then sneeze again.

"Aht'CHH!"

"I know you wanted to talk," Valerie began, removing Jellybean from her bag and placing the fuzzy animal on her lap, "so let's talk. Ask me anything."

"Okay, I guess, first of all..." said Autumn, pausing to rub the tickling out of her nose. She snuffled helplessly, but after dragging her fingers across the underside of her nose one more time, she was able to get herself under control. Putting on a determined expression, Autumn gazed back up at Valerie and nodded.

"You've been my best friend since middle school and I trust you. But I really just don't understand how any of this works."

Valerie nodded, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. She glanced down at Jellybean and scratched him behind his fluffy ears. The soft creature stretched out on Valerie's lap, wiggling his arms and legs up and down. Autumn smiled and placed Gingerbread down on her own lap, patting her on the head before looking back up at Valerie.

"To be honest, I don't totally understand all of it myself," Valerie explained in her usual husky voice. "But I'll tell you what I know. We call these little guys Sugarplum Fairies, though that's mostly a nickname."

"I don't think a human could pronounce our real name," said Jellybean.

"Boing!" agreed Gingerbread, bouncing up and down.

"Ah... Aht'CHih!" Autumn sneezed, lightly covering her nose to keep from spraying the animal in her lap. She scrunched up her face, rubbing her fingers under her nose for a moment before managing to unclench her eyes.

"Sorry, allergies," she apologized, pressing the back of her hand to her nostrils.

"That's alright," Valerie reassured, idly playing with Jellybean's ears. "Do you guys want to explain it from here?"

"Boing!" the fuzzy creatures chirped in unison. They both turned to Autumn with enormous smiles on their faces, but she held up a finger before they could utter a word. Autumn drew a sharp breath, waving her finger weakly as a plea for the Sugarplum Fairies to wait.

"Ah... Ahhh... Aht'CHH! Ha'CHH! Ah... Aht'CHih!"

Cupping both hands over her nose, Autumn pitched forward with three sneezes in a row. Then, keeping her watery eyes closed, she reached into her pocket and drew out a small packet of tissues. Once the tissue was securely held to her nostrils, Autumn gasped as if she was about to sneeze again, but she managed to hold it in. She took a deeper, gentler breath and then blew her nose, shaking her head to alternate nostrils.

"Ugh! Darn allergies," Autumn whined, wiping the tissue across her nostrils before crumpling it up. Valerie gave her a cheeky smile, causing her to frown and blush, but after a few more seconds Autumn had recovered as fully as she could. Jellybean and Gingerbread began to bounce up and down, eager to tell their story.

"We're not from Earth, but we've been living here for a long time," explained Jellybean. "We were chased here by a race of big, scary creatures that like to eat us!"

Gingerbread gasped, placing her stubby hands over her mouth. Autumn sniffed, rubbed her nose, and then nodded in acknowledgement.

"Our species is skilled in the ways of powerful magic, boing!" Gingerbread took over, sitting up on Autumn's lap. "But we believe the only honorable way to fight is not to defend yourself, but to defend someone else."

Rubbing her nose again, Autumn nodded as she started drawing her own conclusions. Jellybean's ears perked up and he resumed the explanation.

"When we came to earth, we knew humans would fight for us, but you were not strong enough to defeat the monsters that hunted us. In exchange for protection, each of us made a bond with a single person and gave them the power to fight!"

"And that's how magical girls were made," Valerie said, picking up Jellybean under his front arms. The fuzzy creature put on a ridiculous smile and flailed his limbs around as Valerie held him up, earning a giggle from Autumn.

"It's naturally more complicated than that, but that's all you need to know to get started. Now, how about you try a transformation?"

"A..." Autumn trailed off, tilting her head to one side. "A transformation?"

Valerie nodded and Autumn could feel herself starting to sweat. At her friend's beckoning, she set Gingerbread down on the floor and stood up. After walking to the center of the practice room, Autumn took a deep breath and began to concentrate, but then she deflated and hung her head.

"I have no idea what to do," she whimpered, slowly rubbing her hand under her nose. Valerie chuckled, adjusting her glasses. She stood up and gestured for Autumn to watch her.

"It's easy, once you get the hang of it," Valerie explained, "just put your hands over your chest."

Autumn did as Valerie instructed, and she could already feel a strange warmth building up in her core.

"Then, reach one hand up to the sky and say 'sugar rush!'"

Autumn blushed, feeling embarrassed before uttering a word. Still, once she mustered the courage to begin her transformation, an orange light began to glow from between her fingers. Taking a deep breath, Autumn let it out slowly and then thrust her right arm toward the ceiling.

"Sugar rush!"

As soon as the words left Autumn's lips, she felt herself beginning to float up into the air. A pastel orange light washed over her skin until it was covering her entire body. The light then sparkled along her red hair, changing it to a bright, creamy orange and gathering it into a perfectly round bun above her left ear. Spreading her legs a few degrees and holding her arms straight out to the sides, Autumn felt a layer of soft cloth swirling around her body, forming an elegant white dress with orange leggings underneath. A set of padded white boots slipped onto her feet, and a pair of matching gloves with orange styling pulled themselves over her hands.

Once Autumn's dress was complete, several pieces of pearl-white plate armor appeared around her, hovering just above her clothes. Orange light flashed along them, inscribing trim and insignias of the same color. Then, the plates clamped down onto Autumn's body, fastening themselves in place. Once the armor was situated, it covered all of her vital areas while leaving her joints exposed for maximum mobility. To finish Autumn's attire, a white circlet flashed into existence around her head, lifting her bangs slightly and displaying an orange crystal in the center.

A lance of orange light flashed at Autumn's right side. As the light faded, a broadsword appeared in the air beside her, featuring orange gemstones in the hilt and a blade made of the same pearly material as her armor. The weapon clung to her waist without the need for a belt or a sheathe, ready to be drawn at a moment's notice. At the same time, a circle of light spun around the outside of Autumn's left forearm, creating a small shield. A ring of orange trim ran around the edge, and an enormous orange crystal formed the boss in the center.

At long last, Autumn began to sink back toward the ground. She felt her mind filling with knowledge of her equipment; she had never once held a sword before in her life, but her new weapon already felt familiar. As her feet touched the ground, Autumn drew her sword and assumed a fighting stance.

"Pumpkin Parfait!" she declared, her face holding a determined expression for a split second before she began to blush. Not sure what to do with it, she quickly put her sword away and turned to Valerie.

"I feel ridiculous!" Pumpkin Parfait squealed, scrunching up her face.

"You look great, though!" Valerie reassured, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

"It felt like it took so long," mumbled Pumpkin Parfait, rubbing a gloved finger under her freckly nose. Valerie shrugged, letting out a giggle.

"It always does the first time. Once you get used to it, it'll be over like it's nothing."

"Well, that's good. It'll feel less embarrassing that wahhh... Ahhh... Ahhhh... AHT'CHOO!"

Unable to stop herself, Pumpkin Parfait suddenly let out a big sneeze. She fell backward, and in a flash of orange light her armor and equipment disappeared, returning her to her school uniform. Landing hard on her bottom, Autumn let out a yelp and massaged the small of her back. Then, she quickly wrinkled her nose and rubbed her fingers back and forth underneath it.

"Gesundheit," Valerie said weakly, biting her lip in concern. When Autumn opened her eyes, she immediately realized that her transformation had disappeared even more quickly than it had come. Still rubbing her nose as hard as she could, she let out a defeated sigh.

"Oh no..."

Autumn took a moment to blow her nose into another tissue, and then Valerie was able to convince her to come outside for a little practice. At first Autumn was hesitant, both because she was terrified by the thought of being seen during her transformation and because she knew her allergies would act up even more, but she trusted Valerie and she supposed there was nothing else she could do.

Once they were outside, Valerie smiled and took a deep breath of the fragrant air. She heard Autumn cough and turned back to see her fishing a tissue out of her pocket. Valerie smiled sympathetically as she watched Autumn lightly place the tissue over her nose.

"You okay?" Valerie asked, putting her hands on her hips. Autumn sighed, gently pinching her nose with the tissue.

"Come on, Val," she whined, wiping the soft paper across her long nostrils. "You know I have allergies. Ah..."

"Bless you."

"Aht'CHH! Ugh, shut up."

"Hey, it'll be okay," Valerie said in an encouraging tone. Autumn took a deep breath and blew her nose, quickly saturating her tissue. She continued to hold it under her nose, glancing over it at her friend.

"Let's transform together, and then I'll go over the basics with you," Valerie suggested, adjusting her glasses. The Sugarplum Fairies nodded, their heads sticking out of the students' bags. Autumn sighed, wiping her tissue across the underside of her nose once more before crumpling it up.

"Okay, if you say so."

"Sugar rush!" Autumn and Valerie shouted in unison, each reaching a hand up toward the sky. Orange, green and yellow light flashed around them, and after just a moment Valerie had become Citrus Sorbet. Autumn took a few seconds longer, but she quickly joined her friend as Pumpkin Parfait.

"See? You're getting faster already!" said Citrus Sorbet, putting her right hand on her hip and letting her left hand hang down with her bow. Pumpkin Parfait said nothing, but she managed a shy smile as she rubbed a finger under her nose.

"Alright, I'm sure you noticed that when you first transformed, you learned a little bit about how to use your weapon. It's good to have that knowledge, but you won't have the muscle memory or the true skill for it until you practice," Citrus Sorbet explained, starting to walk to the far side of the field. Pumpkin Parfait followed, starting to rub her nose more vigorously.

"Oh, um, stay right here," Citrus Sorbet instructed, holding up a hand. Pumpkin Parfait nodded, but her eyes began to flutter and she waved a gloved hand up and down in front of her face.

"Ahhh... Haah... HA'CHOOO!"

Once again, Pumpkin Parfait blew herself backward with a big sneeze. Autumn landed in the grass on her back, her armor and weapon replaced by her school uniform. She opened her eyes to see Citrus Sorbet standing over her, offering a hand to pull her back to her feet. Autumn rubbed her nose as her friend helped her up, and then she hung her head and sighed.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered, delicately placing her finger under her nostrils. "I can't help it."

"Hey, it's okay," said the magical girl, laying a hand on Autumn's shoulder. "Nobody said this would be easy, and I think you're doing great so far. Chin up, alright?"

Autumn dragged her pointer finger across the underside of her nose, nodding weakly. Citrus Sorbet smiled and then resumed her walk to the far end of the field. After taking a moment to regain her composure, Autumn transformed into Pumpkin Parfait once more and awaited her friend's instructions. She could see Citrus Sorbet's lips moving, but she could barely make out what she was saying.

"What?" Pumpkin Parfait called out, cupping her hands around her mouth. Citrus Sorbet raised her bow, and in a moment of panic, Pumpkin Parfait turned to the Sugarplum Fairies.

"Do you know what she's doing?" she asked, gesturing to her friend and tilting her head to one side. Both of the fuzzy creatures nodded emphatically.

"She's going to shoot an arrow," Jellybean began.

"And then you block it, boing!" Gingerbread finished.

Pumpkin Parfait shrugged, but a second later she realized what this meant. She screamed, starting to bounce from one foot to the other in panic.

"No! Make her stop!"

"She can't hear us, boing!"

"Oh my god! Don't shoot me!"

At just the right moment, Pumpkin Parfait crouched down and held her left arm out in front of her body. The small shield on her forearm suddenly grew to three times its normal size, expanding outward into three segmented rings. A split second later, Citrus Sorbet's arrow was deflected by the shield's second ring, harmlessly spiraling away before disappearing in a flash of yellow-green light.

"That was great!" exclaimed Citrus Sorbet as she jogged up to her friend. Pumpkin Parfait's shield returned to its normal size and she lunged toward the other magical girl, furiously throwing her arms around her.

"You shot at me!" Pumpkin Parfait wailed, squeezing tight. "I was so scared! Why did you do that?"

"Because I knew you could handle it!" Citrus Sorbet answered proudly. "And you did! It was awesome!"

"Don't ever do that again!"

Pumpkin Parfait furiously nuzzled her face into Citrus Sorbet's chest. The more experienced warrior smiled, hanging her bow on one shoulder and returning the hug. The two friends embraced for a moment, but Citrus Sorbet suddenly perked up as she detected the presence of an onlooker. She glanced toward the bags, glad to see that Jellybean and Gingerbread and retreated inside to hide. Looking the other way, she saw their observer sitting on a bench at the edge of the field.

Citrus Sorbet could immediately tell this newcomer was a magical girl herself. Her outfit was somewhat less extravagant than the others, but it was just as iconic. Aware that she had been spotted, the third magical girl gracefully rose to her feet and began to approach. She wore a simple violet dress that thinly covered her upper arms and billowed around her legs, which were bare save for a pair of black high-heeled boots. Her hands and forearms were clad in black opera gloves, leaving her elbows exposed, and that was the extent of her clothing. She only wore one piece of armor: a set of black scale mail that covered her shoulders and upper body with a small skirt hanging underneath to protect her thighs.

"Well, well, well," she said in a deep, almost sensual tone, "the Sweethearts have come out to play."

Pumpkin Parfait's head shot up at the sound of an unfamiliar voice. She removed herself from Citrus Sorbet and backed away cautiously, unsure whether to feel embarrassed or threatened. The other magical girl conveyed an air of calm elegance, but a pair of menacing tomahawks hung at her waist, one on each side.

"Yes, I'm Citrus Sorbet," the archer greeted, bowing her head. Her husky voice was confident, but Pumpkin Parfait could tell her friend felt as unsure as she did.

"And this is Pumpkin Parfait. She's a new recruit. I think I've heard about you. Chocolate Gelato? Or was it Dark Chocolate?"

The shadowy magical girl seemed to change in the blink of an eye. Her calm demeanor was gone, replaced by a sudden and inescapable rage. Pumpkin Parfait could have sworn her long, black hair flew upwards behind her head as she shot forward.

"It's Dark Chocolat! You had best pronounce it correctly henceforth. Sho-co-lah!"

Pumpkin Parfait and Citrus Sorbet barely had time to react before Dark Chocolat was upon them. She tore her tomahawks from their holsters and swung them horizontally into Citrus Sorbet's armored chest, sending her flying nearly twenty feet away. She landed hard on the grass and rolled a few feet farther, and when she came to a stop she appeared to be unconscious.

"Va-!" Pumpkin Parfait tried to scream, but she quickly noticed Dark Chocolat was coming for her next. She raised her expanding shield just in time to deflect a blow from her adversary's left-hand weapon, but Dark Chocolat's right axe connected with her chest plate, staggering her.

"Why!?" was all Pumpkin Parfait managed to blurt out before Dark Chocolat swung at her again. She attempted to parry the attack with her sword, but Dark Chocolat hooked her tomahawks around the blade and tore the weapon out of Pumpkin Parfait's hand. As her adversary bore down on her once again, Pumpkin Parfait raised her shield and prepared to defend herself. Unfortunately, as Dark Chocolat raised one of her axes, the helpless magical girl felt a sharp tickle creeping into her nasal passages.

"Ah-Ahh-Ahhh! Aht'CHOOOO!"

For once, Pumpkin Parfait was thankful for the strength of her magical sneezes. Dark Chocolat's tomahawk missed her by a hairsbreadth as she fell backwards, but as Autumn hit the ground she realized she was now completely defenseless. Holding her arms in front of her head, Autumn cowered in fear for a moment before realizing the attacks had stopped. Opening her eyes, she gazed up to see Dark Chocolat staring down at her, a pensive expression on her face.

"A sneeze?" the shadowy magical girl pondered, slipping her weapons back into their holsters. She knelt down and plucked a single blade of grass from the field, and then she held it up to her face. To Autumn's surprise, Dark Chocolat began to wave the grass against the flat underside of her nose, lightly tickling it. Her long, curved nostrils flared and she quickly threw back her head.

"Hh'CHEEW!"

Dark Chocolat's head bobbed forward with an uncharacteristically squeaky sneeze. She made a fist, extended her index finger, and then gently flicked it upward against the underside of her nose. The shadowy magical girl repeated the gesture, forming a slight crease above the tip of her long nose each time. Then, she glanced down at her hands, and her neutral expression sank when she saw them.

"It's not working," Dark Chocolat murmured under her breath, reaching the blade of grass up to her nostrils. She tickled the underside of her nose until she drew a sharp breath, ready to sneeze again.

"Eh'CHYEEW!!!"

After flicking her finger under her nose a few more times, Dark Chocolat glanced down at herself and nearly screamed. She let the blade of grass fall from her hand as she began to stomp menacingly toward Autumn. The helpless girl backed away, too terrified to transform again.

"It didn't work!" bellowed Dark Chocolat, drawing her right-hand tomahawk. She dropped to one knee once she was on top of her prey, who was now frozen to the spot. Autumn gazed up at her attacker in fear; Dark Chocolat's face was predictably enraged, but in her eyes, Autumn saw nothing but loneliness and despair. She could only watch in silence as Dark Chocolat raised her tomahawk high above her head, but in what Autumn assumed would be her final moment, the magical girl hesitated.

A lance of yellow-green light flashed across Dark Chocolat's face. Autumn let out a startled yelp as her adversary rolled backward and leapt to her feet. She gave Autumn an angry glare, but her eyes were as sorrowful as before. A second arrow flew toward Dark Chocolat, but she swatted it out of the air with her tomahawk and then sprinted off into the woods behind the field.

"Val!" Autumn cried in delighted surprise as Citrus Sorbet ran up next to her. Drawing back her bowstring, the magical girl prepared to fire again, but she stopped as her target disappeared into the trees. Letting out a sigh, Citrus Sorbet slowly relaxed her bowstring, the arrow fading away in a burst of yellow and green. After changing back to her normal form, Valerie extended a hand to Autumn and pulled her back to her feet. The two friends embraced for a moment, slowly but surely calming down until Autumn suddenly sneezed.

"Aht'CHih!"

"Gesundheit."

"Sorry."

Autumn and Valerie separated, holding each other at arm's length for a few seconds. Then, Valerie removed her hands from Autumn's shoulders and sighed. She pinched the bridge of her nose, sliding her glasses up onto her forehead for a moment.

"Who was that?" asked Autumn, rubbing a finger under her nostrils.

"I don't know," Valerie murmured, "just her name. The Sugarplum Fairies might know more. But I think she would be safe for now. She wouldn't have left if she was just going to come back and finish us off."

Autumn and Valerie each took a deep breath and sighed. After standing in silence for a moment, they both drew their phones out of their pockets to check the time. Their eyes went wide simultaneously and they stared up at each other in panic. Never once breaking eye contact, they both uttered the same frantic phrase before going their separate ways.

"I'm late for dinner! Bye!"

[Blah!?]

6. Sweethearts! Chapter 3

After her first day as a magical girl, Autumn was more than ready for the weekend. She slept in for as long as her parents would allow, only waking up when her mother tried to give her breakfast in bed. Living in a bakery certainly had its perks; Autumn was sure she would never get tired of egg and cheese sandwiches. After eating, Autumn took a shower and prepared for a day of laziness and relaxation. She gathered her damp red hair up into a ponytail and sprawled out on her bed, pulling Gingerbread up to sit with her.

"Who was that other magical girl?" asked Autumn, kicking her legs back and forth in the air. Gingerbread yawned and then padded around in a circle on top of the quilt, making herself comfortable.

"I haven't seen her in a long time, boing," the fuzzy creature said, glancing up at Autumn. "But I remember when Mousse recruited her."

"Mousse?" Autumn inquired, wrinkling her freckly nose. She sniffed quietly and rubbed a finger under her nostrils as she waited for Gingerbread to respond.

"She was another Sugarplum Fairy, but I haven't seen her in a while either. I can't even remember how many years ago that was. Anyway, Chocolate Gelato was a very skilled magical girl. The last time I saw her was a couple months after the last time I saw Mousse, and that time she was different. She started calling herself Dark Chocolat, and she seemed so sad and angry. That was the last time I saw her before yesterday, boing."

Autumn let out a sigh, tilting her head and staring off into space. After a moment she noticed her mother passing by her bedroom door, and she stole a quick glance at Gingerbread to make sure she was properly disguised as a plush toy.

"Who're you talking to, Autumn?" Autumn's mother asked.

"Just thinking out loud, mom," the young lady answered, scrunching up her face. She scrubbed her index finger back and forth against the underside of her nose. When her mother suddenly sat down on the bed beside her, Autumn realized she should have just ignored the tickle in her nasal passages for a few seconds more.

"Did you take your allergy pills?" her mother asked, raising one eyebrow with a knowing smirk. Autumn pouted, rubbing her nose again as she ignored the question.

"Autumn?"

"No," Autumn confessed, refusing to make eye contact.

"Do you want your nose to get stuffy?"

"No..."

"Then go take your medicine, young lady."

"Ugh, fine..."

Autumn stood up from her bed and returned to the bathroom across the hall. She swallowed two of her pills, cringing even after downing a glass of water. Then, Autumn plucked a tissue from the box next to the sink and blew her nose. After wiping the soft paper across her nostrils, Autumn tossed it into the waste basket and headed back to her room. Just as she expected, she found her mother in a trance, hugging Gingerbread tightly to her chest.

"Mom," Autumn groaned, sitting down beside her mother.

"Mom!" she shouted, waving her hands frantically in front of her mother's face. Autumn sighed, resting her head in her palms. She leaned behind her mother and grabbed the pillow from the head of her bed, and then she shoved it downward between her mother's arms, steadily forcing Gingerbread out the bottom. After replacing the Sugarplum Fairy with her pillow, Autumn rolled her eyes and gently pushed a finger against her mother's forehead, causing her to keel over backwards onto the bed.

"Alright, I'm going to Val's," Autumn announced, slipping Gingerbread into her bag. Her mother nodded slowly, letting out a light murmur of acknowledgement.

"I don't know if I'll be back for dinner. I'll call you."

"That's nice, honey. Have fun."

Without another word, Autumn's mother rolled over to lay on top of the smothered pillow. Autumn frowned, embarrassed by how silly her mother could be even when no one else was around to see it. She blew a lock of damp hair away from her face and quickly left before her mother could snap out of her hug-trance.

Autumn felt as if the entire neighborhood just finished mowing its lawns the instant she stepped outside. The pungent grassy odor hit her so hard she gave a little snort, immediately starting to rub her nose. Even after taking her pills, Autumn could feel her allergies acting up.

"Ah... Aht'CHH!"

Before she could even reach the end of the block, Autumn sneezed. She stared down at her feet as she walked, feeling embarrassed whenever anyone else seemed to notice her. Luckily for her, the streets were relatively empty. Vanilla Valley was a sleepy little town; at this time of day on the weekends, everyone was either still asleep or already out and about someplace else.

Once she was confident that no one would pay attention her, Autumn dug a small packet of tissues out of her pocket. She plucked a soft paper square from the plastic wrapper and held it to her nose with one hand.

"Aht'CHih! Ugh..."

"Are you alright, boing?"

Autumn looked down at her bag to see that Gingerbread had decided to come out. After looking around to make sure they were still alone, Autumn decided there was no harm in it. She sighed, lightly wiping her nostrils left and right with the tissue.

"I'm fine," Autumn reassured, trying her best to smile down at her fluffy friend. "It's just... I have allergies, so my nose gets all clogged up when I go outside unless it's really cold out."

"You must like winter then, huh?" purred Gingerbread. Autumn smiled.

"I do. I love snow, and the bakery's still always nice and warm. Plus, there's no grass to make me sneeze!"

Gingerbread giggled, earning a quick laugh from Autumn too. Then, she took a deep breath and blew her nose into the tissue. Autumn sniffed as she crumpled up the damp paper, and when she did, she detected a cool, moist scent in the air. Looking up at the sky, she put on a slight frown.

"It's probably going to rain," Autumn mumbled to herself. "We should hurry."

"Don't want to get wet, boing?" asked Gingerbread. Autumn nodded and rubbed her nose, but then she shook her head lightly as she started to jog.

"Well, that and... Val's astraphobic."

"What's that?"

"It means she's really scared of-"

As if on cue, a flash of lightning split the sky, and the rumble of thunder followed a few seconds later. With no time to explain, Autumn picked up the pace and ran down the sidewalk as fast as she could. Valerie's house was still a few minutes away, but luckily there was only one more lightning strike before Autumn arrived. She ran around to the back door and retrieved the spare key hidden in a wind chime bell near the door. After letting herself in, Autumn clumsily kicked off her shoes and leapt up the stairs toward Valerie's bedroom.

"Val?" Autumn called out in a soft voice as she calmly pushed the door open. She noticed Valerie's glasses sitting unworn on the desk, and she decided to retrieve them as she made her way to the bed. Autumn sat down beside the trembling lump of blankets that was Valerie's shelter.

"You okay in there?"

The blankets seemed to nod. Then, the whole pile jumped an inch above the bed as another wave of thunder washed through the house. Autumn frowned sympathetically as she started to hear Valerie's heavy breathing emanating from under the covers. She remembered how Valerie always used to scream and cry during thunderstorms when they were younger. Autumn was impressed with how far her friend had come, but at times like this, Valerie still found herself paralyzed by fear. Not sure what else to do, Autumn put her arms around the blankets and squeezed just enough for Valerie to know she was there.

"Thanks, Autumn," came Valerie's muffled voice. Autumn squeezed tighter for a moment and then nuzzled the side of the blanket mound.

"No problem," she whispered back. Leaning against her friend like this was almost relaxing, but Autumn returned to full attention when she noticed Valerie suddenly tense up.

"Val?"

"Heh-Hehh-Hehhh-!"

"You okay?"

"HEYESHHHOOO!!!"

Valerie's loud sneeze tore apart the top of her blanket fortress, exposing her head. Despite how vulnerable her friend probably felt, Autumn couldn't help but laugh a little. To her delight, Valerie giggled a bit herself.

"Oops, I sneezed," she chuckled, giving Autumn a goofy smile.

"I noticed," Autumn laughed back. "Maybe you caught my allergies."

"Ew, I hope not. That would be gross," Valerie responded, playfully snarling in mock disgust.

"I beg your pardon?"

The two young ladies laughed at each other again, but another thunderclap brought it to a swift end. Letting out a yelp, Valerie squeezed her eyes shut and clamped her hands over her ears. As the rest of the blankets began to fall away, Autumn slid closer to her friend and gave her another hug. At the same time, Gingerbread and Jellybean climbed up onto the bed, sitting on either side of Valerie.

"Hey," they both said in their usual squeaky voices, "it'll be okay, boing."

"I know," Valerie whimpered, still covering her ears. After another moment, she slowly started to calm down. Pulling her knees up to her chin, Valerie leaned against her legs and sighed. She sniffed quickly, and then she mashed her nose upward with the palm of her right hand, stretching her nostrils.

"I want my mom and dad," mumbled Valerie, refusing to make eye contact with any of her companions. Autumn frowned in sympathy and ran a hand through her friend's short blonde hair.

"Another business trip?" asked Autumn, tucking some of Valerie's hair behind her ear.

"They're always on stupid business trips," Valerie pouted, glaring at the wall over her knees. Another lightning flash illuminated the room, and Valerie managed to cover her ears just before the thunder. Still, she trembled in fear, and Autumn thought she saw tears welling at the corner of her friend's eye. Trying her best to smile, she put her arms around Valerie and gave her another hug until she calmed down again.

"Hey, how about we go bake something?" Autumn suggested, holding Valerie at arm's length. Still refusing eye contact, Valerie rubbed her nostrils against her palm again.

"I suck at baking," she grunted with a sniff. Autumn giggled lightly and stood up from the bed, beckoning Valerie to follow her.

"Well, I don't. I'll bake something for you!"

"Ugh, fine..." Valerie groaned, slowly forcing herself up from the bed. She retrieved her glasses from the bedside table where Autumn had left them, lazily slipping them on as she sifted through the pile of blankets on the floor. Scooping up the softest, fluffiest blanket she could find, Valerie wrapped it around her body and slowly followed Autumn down the stairs.

By the time Valerie arrived in the kitchen, Autumn had already set about gathering supplies. A large plastic bowl sat next to a bag of flour on the kitchen's center island counter, and Autumn was bent over in front of the oven, rummaging around in the metal drawer underneath. Valerie sat down on a stool next to the bowl, idly watching as Autumn straightened.

"What're you in the mood for?" she asked, holding up two different baking trays. "Cookies? Cupcakes?"

Valerie glanced back and forth between the two trays, but she said nothing. She simply sniffed once and then stared blankly down at the bowl. Autumn let the trays fall to her sides, but she still had plenty of patience left for her friend. By now, Valerie looked far more exhausted than scared. The rain outside was still coming down hard, but at least the lightning had been absent for the past few minutes.

"Well, you might not have any icing, so let's just go with cookies," Autumn decided, laying the flat baking sheet out on top of the stove. She recalled a chocolate chip recipe from memory and stepped over to the large bowl.

"How're you holding up, Val?" asked Autumn as she opened the bag of flour. Valerie briefly made eye contact with her friend, but she simply shrugged without a word. Autumn gave her a smile and shoveled a few cups of flour into the bowl. Afterward, she looked back up at her friend to find that Valerie's already distant eyes had completely glazed over.

"Val?"

"Hehh..."

Valerie's eyelids fluttered and her mouth hung open. Autumn giggled and dumped one last cup of flour into the bowl before sealing the bag and putting it away.

"You're making a funny face, Val," laughed Autumn, watching Valerie's nostrils flare.

"Hehh-Hehhhh-!"

As Valerie took in two more gasps of air, Autumn finally realized what was about to happen. Her eyes widened and she tried to move the bowl of flour someplace safe, but by then it was already too late.

"No, Val! Don't sneeze!"

"HEYESHHOOOO!!!"

Unable to stop herself, Valerie sneezed directly into the bowl. The force sent a wave of flour straight at Autumn, caking her face with the white powder. Oblivious to what she had just done, Valerie scrunched up her face and pressed her palm against her nostrils, rubbing and squishing her nose until it no longer tickled. When she finally opened her eyes, she was greeted with Autumn's ghostly-white face, still contorted defensively. Eventually, Autumn relaxed her face and glared across the counter at her friend.

"Look at this mess!" she coughed, jabbing a finger at Valerie. "I hope you're going to help me clean this up!"

Valerie's lips parted, and then they curled upward into the slightest smile. Autumn continued to glare at her friend as she wiped her face with a towel, but before long Valerie was snorting with laughter, barely able to contain herself. The Sugarplum Fairies joined in too, making Autumn frown and blush. She pouted in embarrassment for a few more seconds, but when Valerie suddenly stood up and gave her a hug, Autumn found it impossible to stay mad.

Autumn, Valerie and the Sugarplum Fairies shared a hearty laugh, but their joy was unfortunately short lived. Before long, thunder rumbled through the house once more, bringing back some of Valerie's panic. She clapped her hands over her ears and sank to her knees, trembling with fright. Autumn knelt beside her and gave her friend a hug, but before she could utter a word of comfort, she heard what sounded like someone tapping on glass. Not sure what she expected to see, Autumn turned her head to the window above the kitchen sink.

Dark Chocolat stood menacingly on the other side of the glass, her black hair drenched and matted to the sides of her head. Autumn nearly screamed when she saw the other magical girl, but she swallowed her fear and turned back to Valerie. She hugged her friend as tightly as she could, leaning close to one ear to whisper.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of this. You just stay right here. The Sugarplum Fairies will keep you safe," Autumn reassured, beckoning Gingerbread and Jellybean closer. The two fluffy creatures gently sat in Valerie's lap, giving Autumn a nod of acknowledgement before turning to hug their frightened companion.

When Autumn stood, Dark Chocolat's lips parted into a sinister grin. She beckoned the red-haired girl to her with a curling finger. As much as Autumn wanted to ignore her, she understood that Dark Chocolat was that much more dangerous if she knew where they lived. Clenching her fists in defiant anger, Autumn stepped out into the rain.

"Go away!" she shouted, leaning toward the shadowy magical girl. "We're busy baking cookies!"

"Yes, I can see that," Dark Chocolat murmured, her voice sensual as ever. She stared at Valerie and the Sugarplum Fairies through the window for a moment before turning back to the dampening Autumn.

"I'll tell you what," the magical girl continued, moving her hands to her weapons as nonthreateningly as was possible. "If you can give me a satisfying fight, I will leave you two alone until another day."

"Is that what you do?" Autumn growled, taking a step into Valerie's backyard. "You just fight? Is that it?"

"Sometimes, yes," Dark Chocolat replied, following Autumn into the open space. "When you've been a magical girl for as long as I have, you'll need a way to release your stress."

Autumn parted her drenched bangs and tucked her hair behind her ears. Then, she gently wiped the underside of her nose with the top of her index finger. She was a bit puzzled, as her allergies had never acted up in the rain before, but her nose was still tickling ever so slightly. Ignoring the sensation as best she could, Autumn closed her eyes and began her transformation.

"Sugar rush!" she exclaimed, extending a hand toward the cloudy sky. In a flash of orange Autumn became Pumpkin Parfait, much more quickly than she ever had in the past. She drew her sword and stood at the ready, deciding to let her opponent strike first.

"Oh, that is so cute," Dark Chocolat cooed insincerely, removing her tomahawks from their holsters. She assumed a fighting stance and took a deep breath, smiling menacingly. "Begin."

Pumpkin Parfait barely had time to raise her shield before Dark Chocolat was upon her. She deflected one tomahawk with her left arm and parried the other with her sword, and then she swung her weapon at her opponent. She knew Dark Chocolat would evade the attack, but at least it would give her some breathing room.

"Very good!" Dark Chocolat exclaimed, flipping her weapons around in her hands. "You've learned a lot since yesterday."

"It comes pretty naturally," Pumpkin Parfait shot back, but she quickly felt embarrassed for saying something so cliché, even if it was true. She held her shield forward in a defensive stance, and as she did, she felt a strange but comforting energy building up inside of her. Before Pumpkin Parfait could ponder what purpose it would serve, she found herself distracted by another tickle in her nose. Unconsciously dropping her guard, she sniffed twice and wiggled her freckly nose left and right.

Dark Chocolat struck again before Pumpkin Parfait could figure out what was wrong. She was already so distracted that she barely managed to block the attack. Both tomahawks hit hard against her shield, making her stagger backward across the muddy lawn.

"Better watch out," Dark Chocolat teased, holstering one tomahawk just so she could wag a finger at her foe. Pumpkin Parfait raised her shield and tried to look as imposing as she could, but the tickle in her nose demanded her attention again. She stuck out the gloved index finger of her left hand and gently rubbed it back and forth against her long nostrils. Her shield shrank back to its smallest size as the magical girl completely gave in. Then, Pumpkin Parfait remembered the flour. Some of it must have gotten up her nose when Valerie sneezed, and now it was dangerously close to making her sneeze too.

"Perhaps I should give you a moment," Dark Chocolat groaned, stowing both of her weapons. At the sound of her opponent's voice, Pumpkin Parfait finally regained her concentration. She raised and expanded her shield once more, feeling the same buildup of energy as before. Then, acting purely on instinct, she lunged forward.

A wave of orange light radiated backward from the outer edge of the shield, propelling Pumpkin Parfait forward like a jet engine. Not even Dark Chocolat was quick enough to evade the charge. The gem in the center of the shield struck the shadowy magical girl in the chest, sending her sprawling backward. Pumpkin Parfait stood over her, her sword hanging loosely in her right hand and a deep frown spread across her face.

"Satisfied?" she asked, flipping her sword into an offhand grip and then attaching it to her hip. Dark Chocolat laughed ominously, tucking some of her wet hair behind her ear. She said nothing, simply watching as Pumpkin Parfait's long nostrils expanded and contracted.

"Ahh..." the magical girl breathed, knowing what was about to happen. She reached her right hand up to her face and rubbed a gloved finger under her nose, but she already knew it was too late. Pumpkin Parfait gently closed her nostrils with her thumb and forefinger, hoping that maybe a stifle would allow her to stay in her magical girl form, but unfortunately she had no such luck.

"AHT'CHOOOO!"

Unable to contain the sneeze, Autumn blew herself off her feet and landed on her back in the wet grass, coating the back of her shirt and pants. She rubbed her nose with a muddy finger as Dark Chocolat leapt back to her feet.

"I suppose that was satisfying after all," the shadowy magical girl sneered, crouching down in front of Autumn. "But know that in a real fight, this would be your end. My advice? Try to keep this under control."

Laughing to herself, Dark Chocolat pushed the tip of Autumn's nose up with her index finger and wiggled it slowly from side to side. The back of Autumn's mind screamed for her to pull her head away or at least put on a defiant glare, but without her powers and weapons, she was simply too afraid to react.

Just as Dark Chocolat was about to take her leave, a lance of green and yellow light suddenly surged into her right shoulder. She fell backward, propping herself up with her hands, and then she stared in genuine surprise at the glowing arrow that had penetrated her armor. Autumn and Dark Chocolat both looked back toward the house to see Citrus Sorbet standing just outside the doorway, a fresh arrow already nocked in her bow.

"Now, now," Dark Chocolat laughed, returning to her feet. "I was simply thanking your friend for an exhilarating battle. I leave you in peace, but know that we will meet again."

Barely managing to hide a pained expression, Dark Chocolat pulled the arrow from her shoulder. Then, with seemingly no effort at all, she crushed it into dust with just one hand. After standing silently for a moment, Citrus Sorbet begrudgingly lowered her bow and allowed the shadowy magical girl to depart. Slinging her bow over her shoulder, she extended a hand to Autumn and pulled her back to her feet.

"Jeez, you're soaked. Let's get you dried ohh... Hehhh... HEYESHOOOOOO!"

Citrus Sorbet sneezed so hard that she launched herself nearly all the way back to the door. Valerie landed on her back just short of the porch, and she groaned in defeated annoyance as she pulled her hands out of the muck.

"Oh doe..."

The rain had stopped by the time Autumn and Valerie collected themselves and headed indoors again. They both showered and changed into fresh clothes, but while Autumn seemed to recover immediately, Valerie was still feeling under the weather. She was sniffling and sneezing almost uncontrollably as Autumn wrapped her back up in her fluffy blanket and the two of them sat down on the couch to relax in front of the television.

"This is so dot fair," Valerie complained, shivering under her blanket. She sniffed wetly, earning a smile from Autumn.

"You were out in the raidn for like ten timbes longer thad I wahh... Heh... HEYESHOO! W-why'd I catch a cold?"

"You can't catch a cold just from being in the rain, Val," Autumn giggled, grabbing the tissue box from the coffee table and placing it on her friend's lap. Valerie ignored it and continued to pout. "You must have caught it a while ago, and getting all wet and chilly just brought it out."

"But we wehhh... W-were... HEYESHOOO! We were goig to go to the mball toborrow. This sucks odn ice."

"Well, let's see how you're feeling then. Maybe we can still go."

"Odly if ihh... If ihhh... Heh! Odly if it's dot... Heh-Heh-HEYESHOO! Odly if it's dot raidig."

[Blah!?]

7. Triumph of the Stars

Wake up at seven, the same as every other day. Shower and brush my teeth, the same as every other day. Put on the same immaculate uniform, eat the same boring but admittedly tasty breakfast. The only thing that ever varies is how long I sit on my bed before heading out. Then after that, it's back to the same old routine, which included stopping by Wendy's room on my way to class.

"Wendy? You up?" I asked as I tapped on her door. Wendy never kept to the same tight schedule I did. Sometimes she sleeps in.

"HEE-KTCH!"

She was up.

Wendy Baker had been my best friend since we were little. We may as well have been brother and sister by this point. Neither of us had many other friends, so I think we were especially grateful to have each other. At least, I was especially grateful for her.

I leaned against the wall as I waited for Wendy to get ready. A few other students passed by, all wearing the exact same uniform as I was. None of them paid any attention to me, which was what I had come to expect. Once Wendy's door opened, however, we started getting a few glances here and there.

"Good morning, Wendy."

"Heh-! HEE-KCHH!"

Wendy greeted me back by sneezing in my face. I had come to expect that from time to time too.

"Morning, Sneezer," quipped a faceless student in passing. Neither I nor Wendy looked to see who it was. Such remarks always prodded at me a little, but Wendy never had any trouble ignoring them.

"Sorry, Jake," she apologized, massaging her little teardrop-shaped nostrils with a folded knuckle. Once she finished, she ran a hand through her dark, pixie-cut hair, which was somehow always perfectly groomed despite her disorganized personality. After getting her hair in place, Wendy and I continued on toward the school district.

It was only a short walk to the airlock that led away from the dormitory. Students had already began to queue up in front of it, since it would take a little while to cycle. I noticed Wendy starting to poke at the underside of her nose with a knuckle again, and I did my best not to stare at her.

"Hhhh-!"

"Wait for it..." I heard someone mutter. This time I tried to figure out who it was, but there were just too many of us packed in too tightly.

"HEEA-CHHH!!!"

"Bless you, Sneezer!" rang all around us as nearly every other student shouted it out. I felt humiliated on Wendy's behalf, but it really didn't seem to bother her. She just smiled as she quickly rubbed a finger under her nose, and then she clasped her hands in front of her waist as if nothing had happened.

As much as Wendy told me not to worry, I still did sometimes. She had a bit of a peculiar condition, though that word makes it sound a little too dramatic. Wendy was just especially sensitive to something in the sterilized, recycled air that we all had to breathe, and it always made her sneeze. She'd been like that for as long as I could remember, but at least all the doctors said it was harmless.

It certainly didn't help that the air was otherwise so perfectly clean that almost nobody else ever sneezed. I can't even remember the last time I did, and I bet a lot of our classmates didn't even know what sneezing was before they met Wendy. This, of course, led to her being nicknamed "The Sneezer" both in and out of school. I could tell it hurt her when people first started calling her that, but that was years ago, and now it seemed like it didn't faze her at all. Maybe she'd just gotten good at not showing it.

Wendy sneezed a few more times as we walked to our classroom, but people mostly left her alone. They'd all gotten it out of their system at the airlock, and just as you'd expect from high school students, they didn't like to do stupid things when adults could easily catch them. That said, while the school halls were safe in the morning, they'd be fair game once the teachers were all settled in. Wendy and I stepped into our classroom, the same one we'd be in all day. Once we'd all taken our seats, our teacher stepped up to the head of the room, looking about as interested as we were. Such was life aboard the Triumph of the Stars.

School was never particularly interesting, at least not to me. I mean, I understood why we went, and I got decent enough grades, but very little about it actually stimulated me. There's not much point in going on about it, since it was something we all had to put up with. There weren't a lot of ways to actually get in trouble around here, but skipping school was one of them. The powers that be would notice if you missed even a single day without an excuse. Everybody got the same generic education regardless of what we wanted to do with our lives, so every now and then people would try to rotate skipping days with their friends and catch up with their notes. It never worked out well for them.

The teacher asked a question. Wendy's hand shot up and she answered. It was rare for anyone else to ever volunteer. Still, Wendy's reflexes always seemed to dull over the course of the day. I was never sure if it was because she got tired, or if she just got tired of answering everything.

Group projects were the only things that managed to break up the monotony of the school day. Equal numbers of people looked forward to them and dreaded them for this same reason. I could be either one depending on the day. Wendy, of course, was ever eager. It was basically an unwritten rule that she and I were always in the same group, but today it seemed our teacher had finally grown tired of it.

"Mister Graham," he said, gesturing to me. I nearly jumped in my seat, surprised at being addressed directly. Sitting up straight, I made eye contact and nodded.

"Miss Baker," continue the teacher, gesturing to my friend the same way. Wendy threw back her head and responded with a sudden "HEE-CHHH!"

"Why don't you two join different project groups today?"

Knowing better than to refuse, we both nodded silently. Wendy gave me a big grin and I smiled back. I knew she would be fine with anybody, but I just hoped I'd be alright without her help. At least nobody really teased me about anything most of the time. I had broad shoulders and a bit of a muscular look to me, so I guess that kept would-be bullies off my back. Wendy of course was The Sneezer, but coincidentally people were always nice to her when they wanted her help with school work.

The project was relatively simple. All we had to do for now was interview a few people who worked in different areas of sustainability around the station, like recycling, water purification and so on. Luckily Wendy and I already knew someone who worked on station maintenance. I volunteered to interview her for my group, and I could tell Wendy did the same for hers.

"So, uh, how's your group doing?" I asked Wendy as we were dismissed. She shrugged at me with a smile.

"We just decided on who we're each going to interview for now. I figured I would talk to Juliet since we already know her."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking," I replied, scratching the back of my head. Wendy smiled at me for a moment, but her eyes suddenly glazed over and she slowed to a stop. She waved a hand up and down in front of her face, and then she threw back her head with a shrill gasp.

"EEAH-CHH!!!"

Wendy flung herself forward as she sneezed, bending over at the waist. She gasped for air again as she straightened up, but a few seconds passed without another sneeze. Her head tipped back slightly as she inhaled once more, but then her face relaxed and she let out a shuddery breath.

"Darn, it went away," Wendy muttered as she rubbed a finger back and forth under her nose. She held a subtly distressed expression as she wiggled her nostrils, but she quickly returned to her usual smile. I don't think I'll ever understand how Wendy could be one of the only people on the entire station to actually sneeze, and be disappointed when she didn't sneeze. If she did want to sneeze, though, she got just what she wanted about five times over before we arrived at Juliet's repair shop.

"Well, if it isn't Beefcake and Smiley," Juliet greeted through an insincere grin. Wendy and I bowed our heads as we stepped through her front door, and in spite of her rude hello, Juliet gestured for us to take a seat. We headed to the back of the room and sat down on our host's couch, waiting for her to join us.

Juliet Hansen was one of the premier mechanics aboard the Triumph of the Stars. She could fix nearly any appliance the station residents could bring to her, and for everything else, she was always open to house calls. Despite that, however, neither she nor any other mechanic truly knew what made the Triumph tick. I guess the scary fact was that unless there was some secret government agency that took care of it, nobody really knew how it worked.

"So," Juliet began as she sat down in a chair across from us, "is this one of your 'we need your worldly advice' visits, a 'we just want to talk' visit, or what?"

"Actually, it's for school," I answered, trying to smile. Juliet's already bored expression sank.

"My favorite," she groaned, letting her head hang over the back of her chair.

"It's sort of all of the... Uhh... Th... HEE-KCHH! All of the above," said Wendy, interrupting herself with a sneeze. I wasn't entirely sure what she meant, but Juliet seemed a little less disinterested at least. She sat up straight and ran a hand through her wavy blonde ponytail, appearing vaguely okay with helping us out.

"So, our assignment is to interview people wh... Hehh..."

Noticing that Wendy was about to sneeze, I took over as her voice faded.

"We need to interview people who work on sustainability around the station," I said, pausing to let Wendy sneeze.

"HEAH-CHHH!"

"Wendy and I thought we'd talk to you, since you're in the maintenance business."

Juliet rolled her eyes at the pedestrian nature of our assignment, but she obliged us. She always did, otherwise Wendy and I probably wouldn't keep going back to her whenever we needed, as she put it, worldly advice. We asked our questions; things like 'why did you want to work in this field?' and 'what's the most difficult part of your job?' Juliet kept up her impatient attitude the entire time, but she always gave us more than enough detail to go on.

"So, what's the fun part?" she asked after we finished our round of questioning.

"Huh?" I shrugged.

"The 'not for school' part. I want that part."

"I was talking with my team members," Wendy began, catching me off guard, "and they mentioned something about the exclusion zone."

She didn't even bother lowering her voice. I didn't like where this was going. The exclusion zone was the area at the edge of the Triumph's habitat, and needless to say nobody was allowed in. That didn't stop anybody from trying, of course, especially kids our age. Wendy and I had seen a little bit of it before, but we never went in too deep. It was basically a rite of passage to sneak in, and even the most straight-laced people ended up taking at least a little peek. Naturally, the more worried I became, the more interested Juliet was.

"I know people are always telling stories and making up legends about it, but I think this is the real deal. They said they found a door, one that nobody had ever gone through before. Of course they said they were going to check it out themselves, but they didn't want to be late for school this morning. I think ih... HEE-CHH!"

Juliet and I stole a glance at each other while Wendy recovered from her sneeze. I smiled nervously, and Juliet replied with an enthusiastic grin. Wendy rubbed a finger under her nostrils and continued, her voice sounding a bit nasal through her squished nose.

"I think it's very telling that they were more afraid of getting in trouble for skipping school than for being caught in the exclusion zone-"

"Stop," said Juliet, catching Wendy and I off guard. She closed her eyes and shook her head before slouching back in her chair.

"I did a lot of stupid stuff when I was your age," Juliet continued, "and I'd be lying if I said I never wanted to do it again, so it's not like I'm above it all. But I can't just go ahead and tell you to do this either. There's quite a lot you two have left to lose, and I can't think of very much you stand to gain."

Wendy looked down at the floor, rubbing her nose again. I couldn't help glancing at the brace on Juliet's right leg. She'd already told us the story of how that happened. That was a few years ago, even before we had any crazy fantasies of running off into the exclusion zone. As much as Juliet like to grumble and tease, she was like a second mother to both of us. I could tell she was bothered by the fact that Wendy was even entertaining this idea, and it felt as if I was being scolded by my actual parents.

"But, I know I can't stop you either. I'm not going to make you promise that you'll be careful or that you'll take care of each other, because I already know you will, no matter what. If you do decide to stick your necks out, just make sure you ask yourself this: is it worth it?"

After packing up our notebooks, Wendy and I left Juliet's shop and made our way to the park. Whenever either one of us had to puzzle something out, that's where we always went. The park was artificially maintained, but it was made with real grass, trees and other plant life, back from before everyone lived on the Triumph. Some people said there were supposed to be animals there too, but it was perfectly pleasant without them. Wendy liked the forested area of the park the most. The trees all generated natural oxygen, so she didn't sneeze as much there.

Wendy and I took the path into the woods as soon as we arrived at the park. After walking for a while, we veered off and sat down under a tree just out of sight of the path. We were silent for longer than usual. Wendy didn't even sneeze. I grew very conscious of how much time was passing. We were supposed to be working on our projects, not just sitting here.

"I think I need to do this," Wendy suddenly spoke up. She sounded a lot more serious than usual, though I guess I wasn't that surprised by it. I tried as hard as I could to think of a good reason not to, but I already knew all the obvious excuses wouldn't work this time.

"It's been hundreds of years since humans lived on a planet, but we've been around for thousands. I can't believe we've been on the Triumph for that short a time and we already forgot where it came from. It's not like we just found it either. People built it. All that knowledge has to be somewhere."

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Of course I was curious too, but I'd never been quite so ambitious as Wendy. I still hadn't found my drive. Maybe this was it, but I wasn't sure if it felt right yet.

"I can tell you don't want to," continued Wendy, rising to her feet, "so no hard feelings if you don't come. But if it makes any difference, I could really use your help."

She stepped around the tree to stand in front of me, and then she extended a hand with a smile. I looked up at her, down at her hand, and then I made eye contact again. Wendy cocked her head to the side, staring down at me with her big, hopeful eyes. I felt my mouth twitch into the slightest smile, and from that moment I knew she had me. Wendy nearly jumped for joy when I took her hand, but her eyes glazed over once again as she helped me to my feet.

"Eh... HEEAH-CHHH!!!"

In an awkward turn of events, Wendy sneezed just as she pulled me up. Letting go of my hand, she stumbled backward and eventually fell down, landing on her bottom with her hands at her sides for stability. Unable to keep myself from smiling, I took a step toward her and offered her a hand. After helping Wendy stand I could tell she had to sneeze again, but I wasn't in much danger of being knocked over by her.

"HEE-KCHH!"

Wendy bent over with the force of her sneeze, nearly head butting my chest. Upon realizing how close she had come to hitting me, she smiled apologetically and dusted off my shoulders with her fingertips.

"Sneezer!" shouted an unseen voice from the forest trail. Wendy and I stared after the source of the sound for a second, but it only took us a few seconds to stop caring. We looked back at each other and smiled, though she was still far more enthusiastic than I was.

"Thanks a lot," said Wendy, rubbing her nose. "Now, where should we start?"

[starpollen]

I really enjoyed these!

[SneezeloveronGirls]

The Princess, the Witch and the Nose-job was my favorite story and I hope that you either continue it or write another story like it.

[IamBlessYouBoy]

why you always do the best posts!! T.T

[Graveyard Girl]

This was really, really impressive! I especially enjoyed the first one - Fern is so cute!!!

[MS]

Blah San, you are a legend on this forum. I will be sad if indeed these are some of your last stories  I love what you create. 

Do not feel sorry for not finishing an idea. People love your writing and I hope you enjoy what you write too! 

[mysterysneeze]

*reading these* there are so many ideas!! It is harder to finish something when multiple ideas are in a mind at the same time...

[queenie]

I vote yes to you! These are really fun. The magical girl series was perhaps my favorite, but all of them, really, were so vibrant!