Female I Wish (F)

[Blah!?]

Well hello again, everyone. I was feeling inspired, and so here I am with another story. This is actually inspired by a plot hook that my friends and I came up with about a week ago, though naturally when I was talking with them it was in a completely non-fetishy sense. At the time I didn't even think I'd make this into a fetish story, or even write it at all, and yet here we are. And if any of you are reading this now, consider me outed, I guess.

Basically the prompt was "what if there was a law firm for lawyers who help people write genie wishes in such a way that they don't have any ironic loopholes?" That's not exactly what this ended up being, but that was the starting point and I'm reasonably happy with how this turned out. I hope you all enjoy!

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After making sure her headphones were placed comfortably over her long, pointed ears, Vanessa smiled subtly and cracked open her copy of 24 Hours with 24 Lawyers. At times the book painted a bleak picture of the field, but Vanessa remained unshaken in her commitment to the pre-law program. Her classes didn’t scare her nearly as much as most of the people who attended school with her.

 

“Ahh… Ahhh… AeeSHHUH!”

 

Vanessa’s elven ears perked up; she knew that sneeze. She ducked down behind her book and table, hoping she hadn’t been spotted yet. After living with her roommate Ashleigh for almost a year, Vanessa had gotten to know her quite well. If Ashleigh was in the library, that meant Vanessa was being hunted. The law student peered over the top of her book, and after a second she caught sight of the black and white letterman jacket that Ashleigh never seemed to take off. Unfortunately she stared for just a moment too long, and as a result she found herself locking eyes with her roommate. Vanessa practically dove under the table, but it was already too late.

 

“Vahh… Hahhh… AEET’Shuuh! Vanessa!” shouted Ashleigh as she ran across the otherwise quiet room. A few other students glared at her, but no one was brave enough to silence her. Knowing that she had no chance for escape, Vanessa shut her book and sat up properly. Closing her eyes, she let out a long sigh as Ashleigh approached.

 

“Vanessa!” called the human girl, nearly bouncing with excitement. Ashleigh pouted when her roommate continued to ignore her.

 

“Va-!”

 

Without opening her eyes, Vanessa suddenly held up a hand to silence Ashleigh. She stuck out her fingers and then slowly lowered them toward her thumb, and Ashleigh finally seemed to understand.

 

“Vanessa?” Ashleigh whispered, not realizing that her roommate couldn’t actually hear her through her headphones. After appreciating a few seconds of silence, Vanessa’s face slowly broke into a smile. Finally, she removed her headphones and stood up.

 

“Vanessa!” Ashleigh shouted again, too excited at her friend’s acknowledgement of her. Vanessa twitched, struggling to control herself, and then she threw up her hands and began to stomp out of the library. Ashleigh followed close behind, still intermittently calling her roommate’s name.

 

After stepping outside, one final “Vanessa!” set the law student off. She spun around and raised herself up on her toes, still falling woefully short of her roommate’s height.

 

“YES? WHAT IS IT, ASHLEIGH?” bellowed Vanessa, thrusting her fists down toward the ground. A few passing students turned to stare, but Vanessa was beyond caring at this point. Feeling guilty, Ashleigh looked away and sheepishly pushed the tips of her index fingers together.

 

“S-suhh… Huhhh… AeSHHUUH!”

 

Helpless to stop herself, Ashleigh sneezed powerfully at her roommate, coating Vanessa’s glasses in mist. She blinked, standing still and silent as a statue.

 

“Sorry…” whimpered Ashleigh, wrinkling her large nose as she slowly rubbed a finger back and forth underneath it. Vanessa’s ears twitched and she turned away as calmly as she could, resuming her walk back to her apartment. Ashleigh raised a hand after her, but she knew better than to follow again. Still, there was one last thing she could try.

 

“I, um… I got a wish.”

 

Vanessa stopped in her tracks just a few steps away. As sweet as Ashleigh could be, Vanessa knew she was just too airheaded to handle a wish on her own. Without proper help, she’d probably end up turning herself inside out rather than, well, whatever she actually wanted to do. After cleaning her still-foggy glasses, Vanessa finally turned around to hear her roommate out.

 

“Okay,” Vanessa began, drawing her lips tight in a near-pout. “How did you get it?”

 

“I found a lamp,” answered Ashleigh, looking away again as she rubbed her nose.

 

“Where did you find the lamp?”

 

“In the trash in the locker room.”

 

“Have you talked to the genie yet?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Did they specify how many wishes you get?”

 

“Just one.”

 

Vanessa raised her eyebrows. Sometimes Ashleigh wasn’t as dumb as she looked. Unless she was just there to brag, she hadn’t wasted the wish on something pointless or ironic yet.

 

“And what did you want to wish for?” asked Vanessa, hoping Ashleigh wouldn’t say she’d already used it. At first Ashleigh shrugged, and then she wrinkled her nose and placed a finger underneath her nostrils, clearly trying not to sneeze again.

 

“I wanted to… Wuh-wanted to… Get rid of my ahh… Ahhh… AHHEE-CHUUH! Allergies…”

 

Vanessa bit back a hundred sarcastic remarks, and she even began to feel a bit of pity as she watched Ashleigh snuffle and frantically scrub a finger back and forth under her big, ticklish nose. Ashleigh’s allergies could be quite spectacular in the spring and fall: nearly every type of pollen seemed to set her off. On top of that, she was already self-conscious about her grades, and having allergies as a threat to her athletic scholarship couldn’t have been easy. Vanessa smiled reluctantly and sighed, shrugging her shoulders.

 

“Alright, let’s go back. I’d like to meet this genie of yours someplace private.”

 

After returning to their apartment, Ashleigh removed an antique gold oil lamp from her pocket and placed it on the living room table. Vanessa stood beside her and nodded, and then the tall girl began to rub the lamp. Before she could call for what dwelled inside, however, another sneeze demanded her attention.

 

“Ahh… Ah-Ahh-Ahhh! Ahh-CHUUH!”

 

“Bless you,” Vanessa said in a soft voice. Ashleigh gave an embarrassed nod in thanks, and then she sniffed deeply and wiped her nose on her forearm. Smiling in sympathy, Vanessa retrieved a box of tissues from the kitchen counter and placed them on the table beside her roommate.

 

“Here, use these,” she instructed, taking a step back. Ashleigh plucked a tissue from the box, but Vanessa was taken aback when her roommate used it to rub the lamp rather than blow her nose. Vanessa lifted her glasses and rubbed her eyes in exasperation, holding back a sigh. Luckily for her sanity, the mouth of the lamp began to emit wisps of purple smoke. Vanessa and Ashleigh took a step back as the smoke formed a cloud around the table, and a figure appeared standing atop it as the smoke began to dissipate.

 

The figure stepped down from the table and emerged from the smoke as a young woman wearing a confident smile. She walked right up to Ashleigh, ignoring Vanessa for the moment. The law student stepped to the side, watching the genie approach her roommate.

 

“Hello again, Ashleigh,” said the genie in a sultry voice. Ashleigh smiled and timidly waved a hand, but another sneeze gripped her before she could return the greeting.

 

“Hi Sahh… Haahh… Hee-SHUH!”

 

Vanessa winced as Ashleigh sneezed in the genie’s face, causing her to recoil slightly. Still, she remained in good humor, smiling as she slowly wagged a finger at her ward. Then, the genie suddenly threw back her head and unleashed a loud “BWAAH-CHOOO!” right back at Ashleigh. The force of the genie’s exaggerated sneeze sent Vanessa’s hair billowing, and it even made Ashleigh stagger back a few steps.

 

“Now, now, Ashleigh. That’s why you should always cover your nose when you’re about to sneeze at somebody.”

 

“Sorry, Safiyyah,” Ashleigh replied, gently rubbing a finger under her nostrils. “Excuse me.”

 

“You are most excused, Ashleigh,” Safiyyah replied with a nod. Then, the genie placed her hands on her hips and finally turned to Vanessa.

 

“Now, who’s this? Is she your friend?”

 

“That’s Vanessa. She’s my… Muh-my… Ahh… Hh-hah… HEEH-CHHSHHH!”

 

Ashleigh curled an arm around her face to smother a powerful sneeze, but holding it in even a little seemed to leave her out of breath. Vanessa’s ears wobbled as she watched Ashleigh over Safiyyah’s shoulder, and then she turned her eyes back to the genie.

 

“I’m Ashleigh’s roommate, and her…” Vanessa hesitated, tilting her head to the side and staring off into space for a second. “Her legal counsel.”

 

“Ooh, how fancy,” cooed Safiyyah, clearly not terribly interested. “So, are you ready to make your wish?”

 

“Yes!” yelped Ashleigh, bouncing with excitement. Vanessa held up a finger.

 

“No.”

 

“But I-”

 

“No. Shush. Nobody’s ready to wish for anything,” said Vanessa, briefly folding her arms. Then, she began to wave her hands at Safiyyah, directing her back toward her lamp.

 

“I just wanted to get a read on you. My client and I need to discuss. Now go. Shoo.”

 

Safiyyah took a few steps back toward the living room table, and then she turned to Ashleigh and leaned toward her, holding up a hand to hide her mouth from Vanessa.

 

“You know what they say about lawyers, am I right?” she whispered, still loudly enough for Vanessa to easily hear. The young elf scowled at the genie, her ears drooping in annoyance. Ashleigh giggled quietly as she rubbed the underside of her nose.

 

“Be nice, Safiyyah,” she said, pressing her nostrils upward with the side of her finger.

 

“Is that your wish?” teased the genie, tilting her head with a grin.

 

“No!” shouted Vanessa. She jabbed a finger at the lamp and Safiyyah finally obliged.

 

“Oh, very well. You know where to find me,” groaned the genie, lifting her arms and then letting them fall limply to her sides. Her body faded into a wisp of purple smoke, but before retreating she took the opportunity to swirl around Vanessa’s head, making her cough and splutter. As the elf wrinkled her nose and waved a hand in front of her face, Safiyyah was sucked back into the golden lamp.

 

“Do you have to be so rude, Vanessa?” asked Ashleigh, holding a finger across her nostrils. Vanessa threw up her hands and then turned back to her roommate.

 

“I’m not being rude. I’m not giving her an opportunity to grant a wish you’ll regret.”

 

“Aw, come on. Can’t I just wish flowers didn’t make me sneeze?”

 

“Ashleigh, I can point out at least three reasons why you don’t want to wish for that, just off the top of my head.”

 

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

 

“One, you’re also allergic to grass and ragweed. Two, you’ll still be allergic to flowers, they just won’t make you sneeze anymore. And three, technically you’re allergic to flower pollen, not just flowers, so that wish might not even do anything at all!”

 

Ashleigh seemed ready for a confrontation at first, but each of Vanessa’s words deflated her. By the end of her roommate’s tirade, Ashleigh let her arms hang limply and she simply stared off into space as if her entire world had just been shattered.

 

“You’re so smart, Vanessa.”

 

“I know. Now let’s come up with a foolproof wish.”

 

Picking up the box of tissues from the table, Ashleigh dragged herself over to the couch and sat down. Vanessa followed, though she elected to remain standing beside her roommate. Letting out a pensive sigh, Ashleigh drew a tissue from the box, held it to her nostrils with one hand and then blew forcefully, producing a loud sound that made Vanessa grit her teeth. Afterward, Ashleigh began to sniff intermittently, wiping the tissue back and forth under her nose with each one.

 

“Okay, what if I wished pollen from flowers, grass and ragweed didn’t make me sneeze?” proposed Ashleigh, looking up at her friend. Vanessa pursed her lips.

 

“You have to be more specific in your wording. If Safiyyah’s feeling particularly mischievous, she might consider that more than one wish. Then, she’d either refuse, or if not, I really have no idea what she’d do. Also, it doesn’t solve the problem of your other symptoms. You’d still get all stuffed up, you just wouldn’t sneeze.”

 

“I guess you’re… You’re… Ah-Ahhh… AHEESHUUH! Right…” groaned Ashleigh, interrupting herself with a loud sneeze.

 

“Bless you,” Vanessa said reflexively, earning a stuffy “Thanks” from Ashleigh.

 

“What about wishing I wasn’t allergic to any kind of pollen?”

 

“That’s better, but again if Safiyyah wants to mess with you, she could just pick any kind of pollen and leave you allergic to the other kinds.”

 

“Ugh, Vanessa!” groaned Ashleigh, slumping into the couch and throwing her head over the backrest. “Why does this have to be so hard? I… I… Heee-CHHUUUH!”

 

Ashleigh let out an enormous sneeze that bent her all the way forward at the waist. Vanessa even winced a little, unsure of how else she could help. The elf’s ears twitched in protest as Ashleigh loudly blew her nose again, but Vanessa knew better than to complain at a time like this.

 

“Can’t I just wish I didn’t have any allergies at all?” whimpered Ashleigh, her nose still buried in the depleted tissue. Vanessa placed one hand on her chin, resting the other on her hip.

 

“Sometimes the simplest solution is the best,” mumbled Vanessa. “But it’s just… It’s so simple I feel like there has to be some kind of loophole.”

 

With a frustrated groan, Ashleigh forced herself up from the couch and knelt next to the table again.

 

“If you don’t have any other ideas, I’m going to try it,” she said in a surprisingly serious tone. Vanessa’s ears drooped dejectedly, and she stared down at her feet for a second before looking back up at her roommate and raising a hand.

 

“Ashleigh, I…” she began, not sure what to say. “Just… Be careful.”

 

Ashleigh smiled up at Vanessa, and then she retrieved the golden lamp and began to rub it until purple smoke poured from the opening. Just as before, Safiyyah emerged from the cloud, looking as smug as ever.

 

“Well, hello again!” she greeted, giving a bow. “Are you ready to make your wish, Ashleigh?”

 

“I am,” said the human girl, standing up straight. Safiyyah smiled and raised a hand, but she quickly stopped herself and turned to Vanessa.

 

“Does she have your permission?”

 

Vanessa slouched with a pout, her ears drooping even lower than before.

 

“Yes,” she grumbled, giving the genie an unamused scowl.

 

“Wonderful,” replied Safiyyah, flicking the tip of the elf’s pointy nose. Vanessa recoiled, scrunching up her face and rubbing her nose for a few seconds. Once she regained her composure, she quickly shook her head and fixed her glasses before folding her arms and standing back to observe.

 

“Safiyyah,” Ashleigh began, taking a second to sniff and wipe her nose on a fresh tissue. “I wish I didn’t suffer from any allergies!”

 

The apartment hung in silence for a few seconds. Ashleigh had scrunched up her face and reflexively taken a step back as if she expected to spontaneously combust, and Vanessa swallowed nervously as her eyes darted back and forth between her roommate and the genie. Safiyyah smiled, and then she took a step toward Ashleigh and held out a finger. She touched Ashleigh between the eyes, and then she slowly stroked her finger down the slope of the human girl’s nose until she reached the tip. Finally, Safiyyah giggled and squished the tip of Ashleigh’s nose, which nearly knocked the poor girl over in her nervous state. After staggering back, Ashleigh cautiously opened her eyes and looked herself over.

 

“Did it work?” Vanessa wondered aloud, oblivious to her glasses slipping all the way down her nose. Safiyyah shrugged with a smile, and then she produced an enormous bouquet of colorful flowers from thin air.

 

“Let’s find out!”

 

Safiyyah thrust the bouquet at Ashleigh’s head, burying her face in the flowers. After a few seconds passed without incident, even Vanessa managed a smile. But then…

 

“Ah-Ahh-Ahhh-! AAHH-SHHUUUH!!!”

 

Flower petals flew every which way as Ashleigh unleashed a massive sneeze directly into the bouquet. As she furiously rubbed a finger back and forth under her nose, Vanessa stomped up to Safiyyah and grabbed the genie by her shoulders.

 

“What did you do!?” Vanessa demanded, giving Safiyyah a shake. “She still sneezed! If you didn’t get rid of her allergies, then what did you do to her!?”

 

Safiyyah shrugged, smirking and avoiding eye contact with Vanessa even as the elf shook her violently.

 

“I granted her wish,” the genie said dismissively, taking a step back to escape Vanessa’s grasp. The elf simply followed and immediately began shaking her again. Finally showing her first sign of annoyance with Vanessa’s behavior, Safiyyah rolled her eyes and then gestured to Ashleigh.

 

“How do you feel, dear?”

 

Ashleigh suddenly stopped rubbing her nose, giving a sniff as she turned to the genie.

 

“Oh, I’m fine. Just kindahh… Ahhh… Haa-CHUH! Kinda sneezy.”

 

“See?” teased Safiyyah, allowing her head to flop back and forth as Vanessa continued shaking her.

 

“I don’t understand!” Vanessa screamed, squeezing her eyes shut and finally shoving Safiyyah away. The genie brushed herself off and then stood beside Ashleigh, gesturing to her as if she were an item in a display case.

 

“Ashleigh still has allergies. She simply no longer suffers from them. Isn’t that right, dear?”

 

Ashleigh nodded as she pressed another tissue to the underside of her nose. Vanessa blinked.

 

“Ashleigh, are you… Are you okay with that?”

 

“Sure. I don’t really mind sneezing.”

 

Bewildered, Vanessa couldn’t bring herself to react. After happily watching Ashleigh rub her nose for a few more seconds, Safiyyah skipped over to the elf for her parting words.

 

“Looks like she didn’t need your help after all,” said the genie, flicking the tip of Vanessa’s nose again. This time, the elf didn’t react.

 

“Ta-ta!”

 

Safiyyah was sucked back into her lamp once again, and this time the entire lamp disappeared along with her, leaving the roommates with an empty table. After a few more seconds of silence, Vanessa slunk over to the couch and fell onto it face-first. The elf wallowed in her own uselessness for what felt an eternity, and then she finally turned her head to the side to find Ashleigh kneeling in front of her, beaming happily.

 

“Thanks, Vanessa,” she said, putting her arms around her roommate and lifting her up with a hug. At first Vanessa let her arms hang lifelessly at her sides, but eventually she returned the hug and smiled.

 

“You’re wel-”

 

“Heeaa-CHUH!”

 

“Bless you.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

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Hopefully the formatting's okay. It's been kind of annoying since I started writing these in google docs.

 

Anyway, this was a lot of fun to write. God I feel like I say that every time, but it's true. It was nice to do something more humorous again, especially since my next few ideas are much less so. I guess we'll see what happens. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!

Edited March 21, 2017 by Blah!?
Did italics wrong

[Kiaory]

Awesome!  

 

(I'll try to leave a more detailed comment later, I'm kinda in a rush now)

[Sneeze999]

This story was awesome! The premise was also really interesting too! Great job!

[47Bears]

This felt like a slice of life show script rather than a sneeze fic. I really liked it, I mean, I'm a sucker for big noses so I guess I'm biased, but it was a lot of fun to read.

[Sneezingnonstop]

This is an amazing story!!!!!!! I love it!!! Where on earth do you come up with these things? Can't wait to read more from you in the future, great work!

[Oolia]

This is some wonderful "classic" Blah! It was so much fun to read

The concept is unique and very interesting! You could totally start a series or these, even non-fetish related. I love the resolution too... How perfect for a sneeze fetishist  

As always, your characters are well-developed and they each have their own personality. I actually like Safiyyah the best for some reason. Maybe because she's so cunning. I imagine that she's just bored of being stuck in a lamp, granting random people their dumb wishes, so the reason why she's being an asshole is just to make it more fun for herself. Sort of like a revenge. I mean, in the end, if everyone is selfish enough not to wish for Safiyyah to be free, why should she be kind to them?

[SexyGodlikeHair]

AAAAAAAAH this is amazing!!!! Honestly, I might have never thought about something like this, let alone flesh it out as you so spectacularly did. Thank you so much!

[creative_duck]

That was genius!