Blah!? Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Or When I Died I Got A Second Chance At Life But The Goddess Accidentally Killed Me Again So I Got A Third Chance At Life And It’s Okay I Guess Adding all the tags cuz a lot of stuff is about to go down. Hello again, everyone. It's time for my next big thing. So, I've done stories that parody slice of life anime, and stories that parody super serious card game anime. Recently I figured the next logical step would be none other than good old isekai anime. Basically, that oversaturated subgenre of becoming trapped in another world, like getting sent to a fantasy universe when you die, or getting stuck in a video game. That kind of thing. I've wanted to do a lot of the stuff in this story for a long time now, and I'm really glad I had an idea that let me pretty much do all of it at once. I've been having a ton of fun writing this, and I've totally fallen in love with the characters. I made real Dungeons and Dragons character sheets for them, and after that I decided to stick to a lot of actual D&D mechanics. Naturally I did fudge things a bit, but for the most part, all the classes, equipment and spells are directly from there. If nothing else, I hope you enjoy the characters as much as I have. I'm seriously considering commissioning some art of them and such. Anyway, I'll try not to waste too much more of your time. Chapters 1 and 2 are kind of an extended introduction, though I think it really picks up as it goes along. Not to toot my own horn, but I feel like chapter 4 of this story is one of the best things I've ever written. Hope you enjoy! ----- Chapter 1 A tall lady in a slim business suit sat behind a desk in a plain, square room. She adjusted her glasses as she picked up a stack of papers, and then she slowly rubbed her fingers back and forth under her long, pronounced nose as she read the cover page. The woman blinked, took a deep breath, and then closed her eyes again for a brief moment before looking up at the room’s only other occupant. A handsome young man stood in the center of the floor, glancing back and forth between the lady and her papers. Yep, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation. Well. I’d certainly like to know too! “Jim Graves,” the woman began, tapping her papers on the surface of the desk. “I am Eshena, Goddess of Life, and I regret to inform you that you have passed away.” Man, what a way to wake up in the morning. First I’m already standing up, not to mention dressed, and then I find out I’m dead? “Wait, really?” I asked before I could stop myself. Eshena nodded solemnly. “I’m afraid so.” “How… How did I die?” “Let’s see,” Eshena replied, managing a faint smile. She turned to the second page of her stack of papers, and I watched her eyes scan from side to side as she read. “Ah, here we are. It seems you… You… Oh. Oh. You’re one of those.” Uh, what? “Excuse me?” I stammered, feeling preemptively insulted. Eshena looked up from her papers once more and stared into my very soul. Where her eyes had previously been stern but compassionate, now I saw only contempt. “You spent your entire life playing video games,” the goddess grumbled, rubbing under her nose again. “Nuh-uh! I didn’t get my first Gameboy until I was eight! So I only spent…” I trailed off, struggling to remember how old I actually was, “sixteen years of my life playing video games! And I still had a job! Not a very fulfilling one, but it’s not like I literally wasn’t doing anything! Besides, that’s not a crime, is it? I didn’t hurt anybody!” “Oh, this isn’t about punishment,” said Eshena, continuing her unimpressed stare. “Let’s skip the formalities. This is the part where I tell you you can go to your average, run-o-the-mill afterlife, but you’ll say you want to go to the other afterlife that’s more like a role-playing game where you can live out all your shut-in fantasies.” My heart skipped a beat. “Seriously? I can do that?” I asked, excitedly pumping my fists up and down. Eshena sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose and nudging her glasses up onto her forehead. “Yes.” “Okay, sweet. Yeah, I’ll do that.” The goddess rolled her eyes and grabbed a large stamp from the corner of her desk. “Of course you will.” “Hey! I didn’t die just to come up here and take your sass! Come on! Fantasy world! Let’s go!” Eshena held the stamp over the cover page of what were presumably my papers, but before she could press down, I held out a hand. “Hold it! You still didn’t tell me how I died.” I stared intently at the goddess, but my resolve melted away as her gaze slowly lifted to meet mine. Eshena glared at me over the rims of her glasses, more disappointed than angry. This went on for far longer than was comfortable, though eventually she finally set the stamp aside and opened my packet again. The goddess leafed through a few pages, rubbed her nose again, and then turned one more page. “Have you ever heard of ‘fan death’?” she asked, flicking her long nostrils upward with the side of her finger. “Wait, that’s real!?” I spat, slapping a palm to my forehead. “But I don’t even have a fan!” “No, I’m just trying to figure out how to explain it to my supervisor,” Eshena muttered, not even bothering to look up at me. I dragged my hand down over my face and groaned audibly. “Look, would you just tell me how I died? Or do I not have a right to know?” “Don’t rush me, mortal!” the goddess suddenly bellowed, her voice filling the entire room. I felt my teeth rattle in my head and I continued wobbling for a few seconds after Eshena finished. She turned one more page, and then she finally sat up straight and began to read aloud. “Alright, it seems you were… Y-you were… W-were…” Eshena trailed off, and I couldn’t help but watch as her face contorted. Her eyelids fluttered and the bridge of her large nose slowly crinkled up. She weakly shook her head once, and then she limply fanned her face with one hand. The goddess’s head reared back little by little with a series of near-silent hitching breaths, and then… “Heiigh-SHOOH!!!” The moment Eshena sneezed, I felt myself begin to fall. It wasn’t like her sneeze was powerful enough to blow me away or anything, or at least I don’t think so, but rather it was as if the floor had suddenly been pulled out from under me. The little blank room was gone, and there was no trace of it above me either. I stole a glance downward, and the ground was so far away that I hardly felt like it was getting any closer. Looking around, all I could see was blue skies and green trees. I’d never been much of an outdoorsman, but I had to admit it was a pretty sight. Holy shit, is that a dragon!? There, right over there! Crap, it’s gone now. But hey, that must mean I’m in the right place. So is this some kind of loading screen or something? “Hey!” I shouted to no one in particular. “When do I get to pick my class and shit? This is taking forev- Oh frak I’m actually falling!” Air resistance sent me spiraling through the sky and I screamed bloody murder as I tried to right myself. Eventually I managed to get into that skydiving pose, you know the one, but as fate would have it, I didn’t have a parachute. By now the ground had gotten scarily close, and I barely had time to think of some dignified last words. “OH SHIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!” The instant I should have gone ker-splat, I found myself standing in the middle of Eshena’s office again. I held my arms straight down at my sides and trembled uncontrollably. It was all I could do not to pee my pants. Meanwhile, the goddess was blowing her big, stupid nose into a handkerchief, and she didn’t even bother to acknowledge me until she’d finished. “I’m terribly sorry about that. Allergies. Please accept my humblest-” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaa...!!!!!” I shrieked, letting out every last drop of my pent-up adrenaline. After I finished, I continued to pant heavily as Eshena stared at me, her eyes wide in shock behind her glasses. “Did I just die again!?” I rasped, lifting my hands and then thrusting them down at the floor. Eshena held up a finger, her cheeks flushing in embarrassment. “Hold on! It was an accident! I’m just… Not going to count that one. Right! I’ll send you back again, and this time you’ll be on the ground, and you won’t fall, and you won’t die! Doesn’t that sound nice?” I nodded cautiously. “Yes. Very nice. Take your time.” My heart leapt up into my throat as Eshena rubbed her nose again, but she quickly stopped and calmly retrieved a new stack of papers from the pile. After skimming through them to make sure she had the correct set, she set the packet down in the middle of her desk, picked up the stamp, and pressed it into the center of the cover page. “Have a nice life, Mister Graves.” And with that, Eshena was gone. I felt the sensation of falling again, but this time it vanished just as soon as it had appeared, and I found myself plopped down in the middle of a dirt road. Overwhelmed with a certain je ne sais quoi, I unceremoniously began to flail my limbs around just to feel something, and then I frantically patted myself down. My hair seemed the same, though my clothes were different. I was dressed like a quintessential peasant, complete with one of those raggy shirts with the strings through the collar. I clapped my hands to my cheeks, and then I began to laugh uncontrollably. It started off slow and understated, but before long I was chillin’ like a villain, bending over backwards as I cackled up at the sky. “I’m alive! Holy shit! I’m ALIVE!” “Excuse me, sir?” The sound of an unfamiliar voice made me scream and hop up on one leg. I whirled around to find myself face to face with a young woman, though something was off. She seemed remarkably similar to a human, but her gray skin looked like finely carved stone, almost as if she was a living statue. A white tiara was nestled in her sparkly green hair, which also resembled stone, but it moved and flowed like you’d expect hair to. Otherwise, she was clad in a white robe with blue and gold trim, and a mace hung at her hip. “Are you alright?” the statue-like woman asked, her eyes widening as she brought her fingertips up to her mouth. I continued to stare in silence, unable to bring words to my lips. After a moment, the young lady giggled and smiled. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I apologize if my appearance is a bit frightening. You see, I’m a-” “Wait, I know this!” I interrupted, earning a surprised squeak from my companion. Finally recalling the correct geek lore, I snapped my fingers with a smirk. “You’re an earth genasi!” The woman smiled, and I could see the relief in her eyes. “I am!” she said, nodding emphatically. I nodded back, my smile widening. “And your name is…!” We stared at each other in silence for a moment. The genasi smiled timidly, clasping her hands in front of her waist. “I… Don’t think we’ve ever met before.” “We’ve never met before!” I repeated, triumphantly snapping my fingers again. “Well, in any case, my name is Jade. Jade Cobble.” said the genasi with a gracious nod. “What’s your name?” I placed my hands on my hips, staring intensely into the distance. “There are those who call me… Jim.” Jade giggled, her shoulders swaying lightly from side to side. “Alright. Nice to meet you, Jim.” “You too.” “Anyway, um… I’m just heading to town, nothing special. But, it’s dangerous to go alone, so… Would you like to come with me?” “A town? Yes! Town! Yes. I need to go to town. First thing you gotta do is go to town. Let’s go to town!” I began to stride triumphantly down the road, but I quickly realized Jade wasn’t following me. Continuing to march in place, I turned my head back to her and watched as she sheepishly pointed the other way. “Town’s actually that way. I just turned around when I heard you.” “Right! I knew that!” Jade and I walked for a while, largely in silence. I know it was a total waste not to talk to the super cool genasi girl, but I was just feeling super overwhelmed. It’s just a lot to take in, you know? First I died, then I met a goddess, then I died again, and now I get to live in a fantasy RPG world? I have to be dreaming. There’s no way. And when do I pick my class and stuff? Still haven’t done that. Is there magic in this universe? If there’s genasi and dragons, there has to be. I really ought to pick something with magic, given that there, you know, wasn’t any in my past life. I guess I should- “Eh’Cheew!” The sound of a high-pitched sneeze started me out of my trance. I supposed it could have only come from Jade, so I glanced over at her to find her building up for another one. Her eyes were clenched shut, and her shoulders were tense and squeezed together as she struggled not to sneeze again, but it was clear she wasn’t going to last much longer. “Ih… Hihh… Hih-! Ih’CHEEW!” Cupping both hands over her nose, Jade thrust forward with a powerful, squeaky sneeze that was much louder than her last. I watched with mild concern as she straightened up, sniffed harshly and began to rub a finger back and forth under her upturned nose, slowly but firmly. “Are you okay?” I asked, not quite sure what else to say. Jade sighed, but she put on a smile and nodded. “I’m alright. The flowers are just starting to bloom. They look so pretty, but they tickle my nose!” Huh. I never would have guessed an earth genasi even could be allergic to flowers. Eh, whatever. You win some, you lose some. Besides, I had to admit Jade was pretty cute either way. Even if I didn’t get to become some kind of heroic adventurer, maybe life would be alright if I could just- “Hold on, do you hear that?” Jade suddenly asked, her voice low but firm. I froze in place, straining my ears. For a moment I could only hear the wind, but a moment later, I picked up the sound of rustling along with some kind of throaty grumbling. “Goblins,” said Jade, reaching for the handle of her mace. Before drawing her weapon, she turned to me and gave a heartfelt smile. “Battle can be scary, but with your help, I’m sure we can prevail!” Yeah, about that… “Um… I don’t actually have a weapon,” I confessed, scratching the back of my head. Jade’s smile faltered, but she tried to remain positive. “So… You’re a monk, right?” I looked down at my hands, clenched them into fists, and then let them limply fall to my sides. “No.” Jade’s left eyebrow twitched. “A wizard?” I shrugged. “Nope. I’m not... Anything. I kinda just got here.” The genasi’s smile widened for a second and then abruptly disappeared entirely. Before I knew it, she’d grabbed me by the wrist and hauled me off the side of the road, dragging me to who knows where. “What the-!? Hey! Where are we going?” I stammered, bouncing up and down as I struggled to keep my footing. “Anywhere but here!” Jade answered, keeping up her pace. “Wait! Can’t you fight them?” I asked, gesturing to the weapon at Jade’s hip. She violently shook her head as she ran. “No! Goblins are icky!” Jade dove headfirst into a large bush, pulling me in along after her. Once we were properly hidden, we quickly turned around to look back at the road. Mere moments later, a pack of six goblins came into view. They looked exactly how you’d expect goblins to look: green skin, with little round bodies but long, muscular arms and legs. Five of them carried improvised clubs, one even dragging its weapon on the ground, but the sixth had a torch and an actual sword, albeit a decrepit-looking one. “You mean you couldn’t even beat those things?” I scoffed, my voice firm despite my attempt to keep the volume down. Turning to Jade, I discovered she had curled up on the ground and was covering her face with both hands. As I watched the genasi tremble, I wondered if goblins were tougher than they looked. “Agh, shit. This place better not be balanced like frakkin’ Two Worlds.” Fortunately, the goblins didn’t linger long, and they seemed to have no idea where we’d gone. I watched them start off down the road once more, and then I turned back to Jade to give her the good news. “Hey, the goblins are-” “Ah… Ahh-Ahhh…” She was still huddled on the ground, but Jade’s face was scrunched up in ticklish agony, and her head tipped backward with each weak breath she took. My eyes went wide, but before I could stop her, the genasi heaved out a loud, squeaky “AAH-CHYEEEEW!!!” I only had time to swallow nervously before the goblins were upon us. They dragged Jade and I out of the bush, and I was dismayed to discover they were stronger than they appeared. Three of them managed to restrain me rather handily, but Jade seemed to be having more luck. With only two goblins tending to her, she actually managed to shove one of them away and draw her mace. Instead of assuming a fighting stance, however, Jade simply shrieked at the top of her lungs and spun around in a circle with her weapon held at arm’s length. She caught one of the goblins squarely in the stomach with the head of her mace, and the force of her spin sent it flying off into the distance. Then, Jade took off running as the rest of the goblins leapt away from her. “Hey, wait! Come back!” I cried, reaching a hand after Jade before one of the goblins grabbed my arm. Jade ignored me, sobbing uncontrollably as she ran away. So much for my divine savior. “Alright, that’s it!” I shouted, thrashing against my captors. “There may be five of you and only one of me, but I’m so gonna take that ‘lone wanderer’ perk if there is one! You guys are so screwed now!” And then I woke up. First thing I noticed was the back of my head hurt like hell. As my senses returned, I discovered I had been completely tied up in a thick, rough rope, and I appeared to be in some kind of cave. Fortunately I wasn’t being roasted over a fire, but I’m sure that’s in the cards somewhere. It seemed as though the goblins had tied me to a large stick, carried me into this cave, and then just thrown me into the corner to save for later. I could see the five of them sitting around a fire in the center, clearly partaking of some sort of meat off the bone. No clue what it was, but as long as it wasn’t part of me, that was fine. Rather than get the goblins’ attention, I kept to myself and tried to struggle against the ropes. There had to be some kind of weak point I could work out. Eventually I managed to get one of my ankles to slip past the other, and I smiled triumphantly at my success. “Ha, yes! ...Oh. Agh, shit.” All five of the goblins stared at me, half of them with food hanging out of their mouths. The closest one stood up, retrieved its club, and slowly but surely began to lumber toward me. “Oh, come on!” I groaned, thrashing about as best I could. I hadn’t made any progress as the goblin was just about to reach me, but then something happened that I never could have predicted. The deafening blast of a warhorn tore through the cave, causing the goblins as well as myself to jump in surprise. While the sound was still ringing in my ears, a figure clad in leather armor rushed in through the tunnel opposite me, holding a dagger in one hand and the unmistakable warhorn in the other. The goblins turned to face the intruder, and a fight broke out so quickly that I could barely keep track of it. One of the goblins charged forward, but it was rewarded with a dagger in its forehead. The creature began to keel over, and before its body even hit the ground, it broke apart into a cloud of glowing gold particles that quickly dissipated and vanished. With a flurry of kicks, a second goblin was thrown against the wall to my right, and it to burst into a shimmering cloud. By now I could finally make out the interloper’s appearance. It was a young woman, a human this time, or at least human as far as I could tell. Jade had been a bit taller, though admittedly the fighting stance made it hard to tell. Her auburn hair was shaved short on the right side of her head, and her fluffy unstyled mohawk fell gently to the left. Her light blue eyes darted from goblin to goblin to keep track of them all, doing her best not to let any of them get behind her. The last detail I could make out from my position was a thin, smooth scar running horizontally across the bridge of her nose. Suddenly, the goblin that had been approaching me lunged forward and managed to swing its club into the small of the woman’s back. She gave an undignified gasp as the strike knocked the wind out of her, and she fell headfirst into a pile of hay up against the wall to my left. To my surprise, the goblins seemed to ignore her at this point. At least the ones with the clubs did, as they menacingly turned to face me. I grinned sheepishly before resuming my struggle against the ropes, and just as the goblins were about to reach me… “HeyeSHOO!” The green-skinned creatures froze and turned back to face the pile of hay. The woman was still on her hands and knees, but she was clearly still able to move. She pushed herself up, removing her head from the hay, and then she faceplanted back into it with another powerful “HeyeeeSHOOOO!!!” Finally, she rolled sideways, landed uncomfortably on her bottom, and sat still with her face scrunched up and her arms on the ground at her sides. “Heh-Hehh-Hehhh! HEYESHOOO!!!” The lady sneezed once more and immediately took a deep breath afterward. I thought she was about to sneeze a fourth time, but instead she frantically lifted her warhorn and blew into it, shaking the cave with a disorienting torrent of noise. With the goblins on the back foot, the woman leapt up, tossed her dagger at the third goblin, drew a second dagger and threw it at the fourth, and then she unceremoniously punted the fifth into the firepit in the middle of the cave. “Hey, that was amazing!” I cheered, continuing to struggle against the ropes, albeit less vigorously now. To my surprise, the woman ignored me and simply sat in front of the fire. “Oh, hey, that’s cool. Take a rest, you’ve earned it.” The woman lifted a waterskin from her belt and took a sip, all the while refusing to even make eye contact with me. I blinked and glanced around the cave, not sure what to do at this point. “So, uh, no rush, but when you get a chance, do you think you could, uh, maybe come over here and untie me?” A tiny squeak escaped my throat as the woman’s gaze suddenly jerked up to me. One of her eyes seemed to bulge as she glowered at me, and I found myself wondering if I hadn’t just gone from the frying pan and into the fire. The woman stood up, slowly lumbered over to me, and then she squatted down, letting her hands hang limply between her knees as her lips curled in a twisted sneer. “You talkin’ to me?” she asked in a boyish, nasally voice. I smiled and glanced around nervously. “Well, there’s nobody else-” “You talkin’ to me?” she repeated, giving a quick snuffle as she roughly pushed her index finger across the underside of her nose. “Um… Yes. Do you think you could-” Before I knew it, there was a dagger at my throat. The woman’s weird stink-eye face had settled into a more neutral glare, but that only made her seem even more intimidating. “Gimme your money.” “What!? But I-” “Gimme your money, and I’ll untie you. That sounds fair, don’tcha think?” “I, uh… I don’t know if I have any money.” The stink-eye face was back and the dagger slid ever closer to my bare skin. “You don’t know?” “Look, I haven’t exactly had a chance to check my pockets, okay!? So go ahead and stab the crap out of me, but you’re probably not gonna get anything other than the rags I’m wearing!” The woman sank back on her heels, her face returning to the disappointed glare. “Are you funnin’ me, son?” I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that. Fortunately, I didn’t have to. A moment later, the woman spluttered with laughter and fell back on her butt. She continued to laugh heartily for a minute until she snorted, at which point she wiped a tear from her eye and sat up. “Man, you’re really something else,” she said, sheathing her dagger and giving my pathetic form a once-over. “What’s your name?” “Uh, Jim,” I said, still trying to wriggle out of the ropes. “What’s yours?” The lady grinned, closed her eyes and slowly rubbed a finger back and forth under her nose. “Call me ‘Penny Pincher’ Schwartz!” “I take it you’re a thief or something?” I asked, my eyes drifting down to her warhorn. “Or are you some kind of bard?” “I ain’t a bard, ya hear!?” bellowed Penny, shooting back up to her feet. “Just for that, I’m gonna leave you tied up.” “Wait! Wait! Okay! You’re a thief! You’re a thief. Now can you please get me out of this?” Penny rolled her eyes, but eventually she drew her dagger again and cut away the ropes holding me to the branch at my back. My hands and feet were bound separately, so Penny knelt down to cut away the remaining ropes. After freeing my legs, however, she left my hands tied and firmly pushed me over. “Wha-? Hey!” I cried as I fell to the ground. Penny put on a smug grin, and after chuckling for a second, she gave herself a pig nose and stuck her tongue out at me. “Can’t have you following me, can I? And next time I see you, I’m gettin’ your money! Ta-ta!” I struggled to stand as Penny took off, and another blast from her warhorn collapsed me back to my hands and knees. Momentarily giving up, I simply laid on the ground for a minute until I finally decided to get on with it. Man, this life in another world was not going the way I thought it would. By the time I managed to drag myself out of the cave, I had completely lost track of time. The sun was setting, and while the purple and orange sky certainly looked pretty, it was quickly starting to get dark. Still, I could barely summon the willpower to walk faster than a lopsided hobble. Looking down to my hands, I slowed to a stop as I stared at the ropes still binding my wrists. I took a long, deep breath, and then… “Agh, FRAK! I could have cut this off on that goblin’s sword! And then I would have had a sword! Son of a brrrughhh!” I jumped around on one foot, waving my tied hands in the air, but the sound of approaching footsteps got me to stop. This time it wasn’t a cute girl, though I hadn’t exactly had the best luck with the cute girls so far, so maybe this burly bald dude with the beard would be better. “‘Sup?” I asked, turning my shoulders to the side as I tried to regain some of my composure. The man stared at me incredulously for a second, and then he lifted his crossbow and pointed it squarely at my chest. “I think I’ll be taking your belongings now-” “Oh, really!? You too!?” I spat, waving my arms in the air again. “Well guess what!? You’re late to the party, buddy! I already got captured by goblins, then I got tied up, then I got mugged by somebody else, while I was still tied up! And now, here I am! And I don’t have dog diddle on me! You want this rope? You can have it!” The man almost looked like he took pity on me. But before he could fully lower his weapon, a beam of crackling red and black energy suddenly hit him squarely in the chest. As the bandit staggered back, a shadowy figure leapt past me, thrusting an ornate rapier forward. The man was able to avoid the attack, but he fumbled slinging his crossbow and failed to draw his knife in time to stop a second stab. The rapier plunged into his stomach, and just like the goblins, his body burst into a cloud of the same glowy stuff before he could hit the ground. Before I knew it, my so-called savior was upon me. The black coat with purple trim was a cool look, but with the hood drawn up, it was impossible to see their face. Unable to take my eyes off their sword, I tried to take a step back, but I was too slow. Just as I fell into stabbing distance, the figure lifted their hood. I screamed as a pale, purple-haired woman stared at me with an evil grin. Her violet eyes widened for an instant as the sound escaped me, but neither her expression nor her gait changed. “Don’t kill me! Please! I’m too young to die a third time today!” The woman stopped, though her freaky face remained the same. “I’m not going to kill you,” she stated, her voice flat and emotionless. I took a deep breath, placing my hands over my chest. “Then why’re you starin’ at me like that!?” “I’m smiling so that you will not be afraid.” “Okay, well, it is not working!” The woman’s grimace disappeared. Instead her face became nearly expressionless, with her lips pulled almost perfectly straight and her sharp eyes partly closed. “Oh,” she said, sounding almost dismayed. “I will have to work on my smile.” “Yeah, I don’t know if that really counts as a smile-” I yelped as the woman quickly swiped her rapier between my hands, finally cutting away the ropes. Thrusting my hands into the air, I smiled and hopped once. “Yes! Thank you! By the way, uh… I’m Jim. Jim Graves.” “It is pleasing to make your acquaintance, Jim Jim Graves.” “Oh, uh, it’s just Jim.” “Just Jim.” “Jim.” “Jim.” “Right… So… What’s your name?” “Komithe,” replied my savior, looking down at her rapier. She slowly opened her hand, and the sword disappeared in a cloud of purple sparkles. Then, she tossed her head back and gathered her shoulder-length hair into a ponytail, revealing her pointed ears. Komithe must have been an elf, or at least a half-elf. “We should be able to reach town before the sun has fully set,” she said, taking off down the road. I followed along, wishing I could come up with anything to talk about, but I was too tired to think. Eventually we passed the same spot where Jade and I had run into the goblins, and I realized I’d started going the wrong way after getting out of the cave. I felt a spark of rage well up inside me, but I was ultimately too exhausted to do anything other than sigh heavily. Komithe and I crested a hill, and I was overjoyed to discover that the town was just on the other side. It didn’t look especially large or luxurious, but after today, it might as well have been a palace. A stone and wood wall ran around its perimeter, with a gate ahead of us and another leading out of the far side. Also, a river snaked through perpendicular to the road, winding its way between simple but cozy-looking buildings that glowed with their evening lamps lit. As we started to make our way down the slope, a chilly breeze blew right through me. With little more than my ragged shirt and pants, I couldn’t help but throw my arms around myself and shiver. “Man, it’s cold. Are you-” “Ah-knxt!” I looked over at Komithe just in time to see her bob forward with a sneeze that almost sounded more like a little snort. She delicately lifted her index finger and placed it under her nose, and then she gave another equally small “Ha-Knt!” “You okay?” I asked, feeling my own teeth start to chatter a bit. “I’m fine,” Komithe answered, her normally calm voice ever so slightly strained. “I am certainly n… Nuh… Not... Eh’knnxt! Cold.” The air seemed to grow warmer the moment we stepped through the town gate. It was probably just because we were safe from the wind, but the whole place’s atmosphere just felt a lot more welcoming. Komithe immediately split off from the main road and headed to the left. I certainly didn’t have any idea where I was going, so I continued to follow. After taking another turn, however, Komithe suddenly stopped and whirled around to face me. “Why are you following me?” she asked, her flat voice making her seem much more intimidating than I would have expected. I held up my hands defensively and took a step back. “A-aren’t we… Walking together?” Komithe looked past my shoulder and gazed back in the direction we had come from, and then she settled back on her feet and stared blankly at me. “I’m going home. Are you going to my home?” I nearly jumped out of my skin. “I- Er… Probably not? Er, no. I guess… No.” “Very well.” Komithe turned away once more, and I couldn’t bring myself to say anything as she disappeared into the night. I dejectedly turned back toward the gate: I’d seen a guard there, so hopefully he could at least tell me where to find an inn or something. Before getting underway, I clenched up for a second and then thrust my hands in the air. “Why is everyone in this place so WEIRD!?” The town guard directed me to an inn, but go figure, I didn’t have any money. The innkeeper took pity on my battered appearance though, so she let me sleep in the stable for free. After a restless night, I managed to drag my stiff, dirty ass to the adventurer’s guild. Despite my earlier enthusiasm for magic, I hardly wanted to bother with it anymore. Danger lurked around every corner, and I needed to be ready to punch it in the face. In the end, I decided to go with a variation of the oft-joked about Gandalf build: a fighter with, well, reasonably high intelligence, if I do say so myself. They even gave me a bunch of stuff to get me started. Hopefully that would make up for my, er, rough start, as it were. Spoiler Jim Graves Human 1st Level Fighter 11 Hit Points +2 Initiative 12 Armor Class Abilities Strength: 13 (+1) Dexterity: 14 (+2) Constitution: 12 (+1) Intelligence: 14 (+2) Wisdom: 14 (+2) Charisma: 14 (+2) Proficiencies Insight +4 Perception +4 Survival +4 Equipment Longsword: 1d8+1 Leather Armor: Armor Class 11 Shield: Armor Class +2 Fully decked out in my fighter gear, I hit the town. And promptly realized I still had no idea where or what anything was. At least I could find the tavern, and I figured that was as good a place as any to get started with the quest life that had chosen me. As I stepped onto the threshold, however, I realized I might have been in over my head. The tavern was full of huge dudes in plate armor, and even the average ones were twice the size of the guy who’d tried to mug me the night before. I could hardly see the bar through the mass of muscle and facial hair, and as I pushed my way closer to it, I caught sight of some familiar faces. For better or for worse. Jade sat at a small table to my left, reading a book with a smile on her face that said “I totally didn’t leave somebody to die at the hands of vicious goblins last night.” Penny was a bit to my right, arm-wrestling barbarians three times her size. Amazingly she was actually winning, mostly. The one time she lost, she viciously stabbed a dagger into the table and kept her money as her challenger slunk away. Komithe, finally, was far off to the side at another table by herself. Unlike Jade, she wasn’t reading a book: she was simply staring out the window off into space. They might have been a bunch of weirdos, but maybe they’d be my best shot at not getting killed. ----- And so it begins. The ending here is actually a vestigial remnant of when I was considering making this interactive like I did with The Adventure Club, but eventually I decided to come up with a plan and stick to it instead. As always, any and all feedback is much appreciated, and again, I really hope you like this one. Link to comment
Usagi Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 This was petty interesting! I enjoyed it and you wrote it pretty well! Link to comment
Oolia Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Oh my goodness this was so much fun already! I love the quick pacing and how poor Jim is just thrown in there without much warning. The adventure is off to a wonderfully weird start I also noticed some easter eggs scattered throughout, like The Legend of Zelda and Fallout, although I'm sure there were more that I didn't catch... You're so good at creating unique concepts that are super entertaining! I'm just as invested in Jim's overall D&D quest (and what it will turn out to be) than in the sneezing itself Can't wait to see what's next!! Link to comment
Captain Carol Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 BLAH YOUR WRITING IS STILL!! SO!!! GOOOOOOOD!!!! Link to comment
Blah!? Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 I ended up not wanting to wait a full week to post the next chapter, so here we are. @TsundereKushami Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it! @Oolia I'm really happy you're having fun too. Constant inane references are practically my trademark at this point, so there'll be even more to come. Although I think this may not play out quite how you're expecting it to... @Captain Carol Thanks again, and I hope I can continue to live up to that. Anyway, here comes chapter 2. This'll be the end of the aforementioned 'extended intro,' and hopefully it'll help the world fall into place. Have fun! ----- Chapter 2 Well, I guess I have to start somewhere. Komithe might have been strange, but she was also the only one who hadn’t left me for dead. I carefully maneuvered my way through the crowd, but she didn’t seem to notice me even when I arrived at her table. Not quite sure what to say, I positioned myself within her line of sight and waved. Komithe simply blinked and continued staring wistfully up at the sky. After awkwardly glancing to the side, I tugged at my collar and spoke up. “Uh, hey there, Komithe.” Finally the half-elf’s sleepy eyes found their way to mine. “It is agreeable to see you again…” she said, her mouth hanging open after the last word. After a brief pause, she closed her lips and tried to act like she wasn’t about to say more. Yep, she already forgot my name. “So, uh… I’m kind of new around here, so… Do you maybe want to, er… Go on a quest?” I asked, twiddling my fingers. As Komithe stared at me in silence, I felt myself start to sweat. Crap. Do people even just go on quests here? Or is that just a stereotype I brought here with my own RPG prejudices!? I bet she thinks I’m even weirder than I think she is! “Very well,” Komithe replied with a slight nod. Nailed it. Komithe stood from her table and headed toward the tavern’s entrance to take a look at the job board. It was actually a bit of a challenge keeping up with her: she was clearly much more experienced in shoving past giant beard-growing stacks of muscle. I’m just glad none of them had tried to randomly challenge me to a fight yet. Hopefully that was just another RPG stereotype that would prove to be untrue. I read the job board along with Komithe, but I didn’t even know what to look for. There was a lot of stuff that sounded cool, but the days of respawning or loading an old save were over. If I got in over my head, I’d have to find some way to make due. Eshena probably wouldn’t let me come back this time unless she accidentally killed me herself again. “This one should be suitable for a novice,” said Komithe, pointing to a page hanging from the board. “Hey! Who’re you calling a novice?” I stammered, trying to salvage my damaged pride. “You,” Komithe answered bluntly, giving me her usual blank stare. “Are you not a first level fighter?” “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I replied, hanging my head. “Let’s take a look.” Quote The Little Gold Hen Escort Farmer Martin and his prized hen to his house in the woods. Bandits are expected to come for the hen. Reward: 500 gold Bonus: 1 golden egg per adventurer if Martin and the hen are both unharmed. “Well, I guess you can’t fight the final boss first,” I sighed, shrugging my shoulders. “But this is as decent a place to start as any.” Spoiler Komithe Half-Elf 3rd Level Warlock 23 Hit Points +2 Initiative 12 Armor Class Abilities Strength: 12 (+1) Dexterity: 14 (+2) Constitution: 12 (+1) Intelligence: 14 (+2) Wisdom: 16 (+3) Charisma: 8 (-1) Proficiencies Acrobatics +4 Arcana +4 Investigation +4 Equipment Pact Weapon (Rapier): 1d8+2 Crystal Focus Cantrips Eldritch Blast 1d10 Mage Hand Spells Detect Magic Mage Armor: Armor Class 13 + Dex (15) Hellish Rebuke 2d10 Misty Step Witch Bolt 1d12 I took the quest page from the board, and then Komithe and I headed out of the tavern. Just as I was about to ask where we’d find the farmer, we rounded a corner toward the town’s front gate and there he was, standing on the side of the road with a chicken pecking around at his feet. “Why, hello there,” said the old farmer, his voice so weak it almost hurt to listen to. “Hey,” I replied. “We’re here about your, uh, hen.” Komithe nodded silently, and the farmer closed his eyes and smiled. “It’s so nice that you young folks are eager to help the elderly. I’m afraid one of you will have to carry her, though. My old back isn’t what it used to be.” No kidding. The man looked like he could be killed by a stiff breeze, let alone bandits. Without a word to me, Komithe immediately knelt down to pick up the hen, and then she stood with the chicken held out awkwardly at arm’s length. Martin didn’t much care how his hen was being carried, and he immediately set out. He was hunched over so far that his torso was practically parallel with the ground, and yet he somehow managed to walk at a decent pace. Whatever, I certainly wasn’t about to complain. I couldn’t help but stare at Komithe as she continued to hold the hen out in front of her like an armed bomb rather than a living creature. The hen clucked calmly, and Komithe relaxed her arms ever so slightly. It almost looked like she was smiling, and not her weird psycho smile from yesterday either. I chuckled and scratched the back of my head. “Don’t you think I should carry it? I mean, if we get into trouble, you’re probably the better fighter.” Her smile gone, Komithe turned to me with her sleepy violet eyes. “But I’m not a fighter at all. You’re a fighter. I’m a warlock-” “Okay, okay. You’re probably better at fighting.” Komithe blinked. “I see. No. I like the chicken.” Strange as she was, Komithe definitely had a certain charm about her. I just chuckled again as she brought the hen to her chest and gently hugged it, and then we continued on our way. The chicken clucked again, and this time I swear I heard Komithe give an almost silent giggle. Maybe that was just wishful thinking, but she was definitely smiling. She removed a hand from the hen and slowly rubbed back and forth under her long nose, and then she giggled to herself again as she scratched the animal’s neck. Unfortunately, Komithe’s bliss was short-lived. First, her long, slit-like nostrils flared. Then her eyes fluttered briefly, and after attempting to catch her breath, she desperately scrunched up her face. Puckering her lips, Komithe wrinkled the base of her nose around in a circle once, twice, and then one more time in the opposite direction. She placed her free hand back on the hen to hold it steady, and then… “Ah-knnxt!” Komithe’s sneeze was quiet, but her body thrust forward enough to jostle the chicken into a panic. It furiously fluttered its wings, spraying tiny feathers every which way. Clenching her eyes shut and wrinkling her nose, Komithe removed a hand from the hen and tried to wave the feathers away from her face, but this only startled the creature further. Just as I was about to offer my assistance, Komithe unconsciously took a deep breath. A stray feather was sucked straight into her left nostril, and I could only brace myself for the inevitable. “Hhh-! He’Knff!” Unaware of what she had just done to herself, Komithe pinched her nostrils between her thumb and forefinger. She succeeded in stifling her sneeze, but doing so also trapped the feather inside. I took a step toward her, but I wasn’t sure what I could actually do to help. “Hih… Hih! Hih-knx! Eghh… Knxx! Ahh-AH-knxxt!” Before I could stop her, Komithe held the chicken in both hands and raised it above her head. Then, after a sudden “Ha-Knx!”, she hurled the hen straight down at the ground. “Komithe, what the hell!?” I gasped, barely able to believe what she’d done. Our prized chicken gave a mortified “B’GAWK!” as it frantically beat its wings, and after a rough landing it promptly tore off toward the nearest treeline. “No! Come back!” wailed the farmer, running to catch his hen with surprising speed. Too mortified to go after him, I slowly turned my head to Komithe. I was further shocked to find her with a finger shoved up her left nostril in a desperate attempt to excise the feather that still tormented her. “I don’t like the chicken anymore!” she cried in by far her most emotive tone of voice so far. The warlock quickly gave up, and then she unleashed an uncharacteristically harsh “Ah-KNSshoo!” into the palm of her hand. I could only watch as Komithe awkwardly flapped her arm up and down until the slimy feather finally came loose and drifted away. The two of us stared at each other in silence. How could this happen? We didn’t even make it to the first bandit attack! Eventually Komithe broke eye contact and began to blush ever so subtly. Before I could say a word, she promptly flipped up her hood and fled back to town. After taking a quick look around for the farmer and his hen, I sighed heavily and made my own retreat. Back at the tavern, the flier for the quest Komithe and I had taken had somehow reappeared on the board. This time, however, its previously dark ink was a faded gray, and my attempts to remove it again out of curiosity yielded no results. I turned my attention to the other quests instead, but again I realized I didn’t even know what to look for. No level requirements, no difficulty indicators. Having to actually read the flavor text to gauge them was going to take forever... “Um, excuse me?” A sweet, familiar voice caught my attention. Turning to my left, I saw none other than Jade, gazing at me with a look of determination. “Jim, is that really you?” she asked, hunching her shoulders and holding her fists up on either side of her head. “Uh, yeah, it’s me.” Jade suddenly hit me like a sack of bricks. She threw her arms around me and sobbed, though none of the other tavern goers around us seemed to care. “You’re alive!” Jade wailed, peeling her face off my chest and staring up at me. “I’m so, so sorry! I never should have left you!” Yeah. You probably shouldn’t have. “What happened with the goblins? Did you get away?” “Yeah, no. They tied me up and took me to their cave.” Yeah. Jerk. Jade shrieked and buried her face in my chest again. Okay now I feel bad. Not sure what else to do, I awkwardly lifted a hand and patted the top of her head. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m still alive, aren’t I? Plus, I’m actually a fighter now! If goblins show up again, I bet I could handle them.” “Y-you mean it?” stammered Jade, looking up at me again. She closed her eyes and sniffed harshly, and then she wiped her nose on the sleeve of her robe. I shrugged. “Yeah. Sure. Probably.” “Then, do you… Do you think you could help me?” Jade asked, holding up a crumpled quest flier. “I can f-fight, and I promise I w-won’t run away from the sc-scary monsters this time if I have someone else w-with me.” I don’t think I could look into Jade’s streaming puppy dog eyes for a second longer. “...Alright, I’ll see what I can do.” Spoiler Jade Cobble Earth Genasi 3rd Level Cleric 30 Hit Points +1 Initiative 11 Armor Class Abilities Strength: 14 (+2) Dexterity: 12 (+1) Constitution: 16 (+3) Intelligence: 13 (+1) Wisdom: 12 (+1) Charisma: 10 (+0) Proficiencies History +3 Religion +3 Medicine +3 Equipment Mace: 1d6+2 Chain Mail: Armor Class 16, Stealth Disadvantage Shield: Armor Class +2 Cantrips Mending Preserve Life Resistance Sacred Flame 1d8 Spells Bless Cure Wounds 1d8 Lesser Restoration Sanctuary Turn Undead Jade hugged me again, simultaneously relinquishing her quest flier. Quote All That Glitters Retrieve the Crystal Bloom from Glistering Cave. Warning: The Crystal Bloom is extremely fragile. Handle with care. Reward: 400 gold Once again I tried to think of something to talk about as Jade and I made our way out of town. However, since she was still busy trying to get her residual sobbing and sniffling under control, I decided to just leave her alone. She also seemed to have developed a case of the hiccups since we left the tavern, but they went away as the mouth of a cave came into view. Packs of other adventurers had been engaged in the wholesale slaughter of the local wildlife along the way, so at least our journey had been peaceful. As we stepped into the cave, the sounds of fighting outside quickly disappeared. I had a strange sense that we were truly alone, despite seeing at least a couple other people mere seconds ago. On the positive side, the cave was actually pretty nice. Every surface seemed to glitter, and the whole place was well illuminated by glowing crystal formations protruding from the walls and ceiling. Still, I’d rather be safe than sorry. I preemptively drew my sword and retrieved my shield from my back, and Jade swallowed nervously as she did the same. “Alright, we got this,” I said with a grin, trying to sound encouraging. Jade smiled back and sniffled one last time before we headed deeper into the cave. The entrance led to a winding corridor that seemed to stretch on for just a bit too long. No monsters to speak of yet, though that wasn’t exactly comforting. Then again, this cave was pretty close to town, and given the dumb quest Komithe and I had tried to do, this place couldn’t be that high level, could it? “Hih… Aah… Ha-Cheeew!” Jade awkwardly raised her shield hand up to her face to cover a sneeze. She tried to rub her nose afterward, but she had to settle for dejectedly smudging her nostrils on the edge of her shield instead. “Oh, why am I sneezing now?” Jade lamented, letting her shield fall to her side. “There aren’t any flowers in here.” “Maybe it was just random,” I guessed just before peeking around a corner. “...Oh.” The tunnel gave way to a larger room, and three big, sunflower-like creatures lazily bounced around inside. They seemed like pretty dopey monsters, but unfortunately for Jade, their heads gave off small clouds of pollen every time they did just about anything. Jade peeked around my shoulder to take a look of her own, and she immediately gave a yelp and pressed her back up against the wall on my other side. “Hey, it’s fine!” I whispered. “Look at those dumb things. We’re just gonna go in there, and we’re gonna beat the shit out of ‘em. It’ll be easy.” Jade nodded nervously, clutching the grip of her mace in both hands. I nodded back, and then I practiced a fighting stance, letting my sword and shield hang loose. “Alright… It’s time to take CHAAARGE!” I bellowed, running full tilt into the next room. Jade gave a terrified scream, but I could hear her boots clomping along behind me all the same. Two of the Sunglowers were- Wait, how did I know they’re called that? Ergh, whatever. Two of them were grouped closer together, so I tried to get their attention and leave Jade with just one. I brought up my shield and held my sword at the ready as the creatures approached. They were still slow, but they moved with a purpose. The closer of the two monsters leapt slightly higher into the air and lashed out with its large, sharp-edged leaves. The attack rebounded harmlessly off my shield, and then I gave an utterly unspellable battle cry as I brought down my sword. My blade cut clean through the Sunglower, sending half of its leaves falling to the floor. My attack had been off-center, however, so the creature’s body was still alive. Trying to keep up my momentum, I stepped forward and swung again, this time horizontally. The monster’s body split in half, and the pieces quickly disappeared. With one enemy down, I turned my head to the right to get a bead on Jade. She was swinging her mace around with both hands again, seemingly forgetting she had a shield. If nothing else, her wild attacks managed to keep the Sunglower from getting in a strike of its own. Eventually Jade raised her weapon over her head and managed to land a blow on her opponent, and amazingly she was strong enough to kill it in a single hit. “Hey, you did it!” I cheered, raising my sword. Jade glanced over at me, but her expression became distant and I realized her head was in the middle of a cloud of pollen left by the defeated Sunglower. The earth genasi’s arms fell to her sides as her face scrunched up, and then… “Ah-Ahh-Ahhh! AH-CHEEW!!!” Jade was so off-balance from her attack that her loud sneeze made her stumble and fall flat on her butt. Still awkwardly holding her mace, she brought her right hand up and rubbed her nose back and forth on her wrist. The head of her weapon hit to the ground with a clank, and then Jade managed to give me a thumbs-up and a big smile. “Yeah! I did ihh- Hih! Ha-Cheew!” Unable to stop myself from smiling after Jade’s success, I turned back to the remaining Sunglower and- AGH! Not the face! The impact from the hit sent me staggering back, and I could feel blood start to trickle down my left cheek. With a perfectly dignified scream, I regained my footing and lunged toward the monster. I smashed my shield into its dumb, flowery head, and then I swung my sword diagonally through its body. As the Sunglower’s corpse vanished, I triumphantly slammed my sword into its sheath and pumped a fist. “Alright! How’s that for a first battle won?” Jade clumsily tried to stand up, but another squeaky “Aah-Cheew!” made her fall over again. I couldn’t help but laugh as I made my way over to help her, but once Jade got another look at me, she suddenly gasped and sprang to her feet. “Jim, are you okay!?” she stammered, stumbling toward me. Jade reached out a hand, but she stopped short. “Can I… Touch you?” My eyes flicked to Jade’s hand before settling back on her worried face. “Yeah, uh, sure. Go ahead.” Closing her eyes, Jade touched her fingertips to the gash on my cheek. It stung, but I didn’t flinch. Much. Then, Jade took a deep breath and- “Ah-Chyeew!” She turned her head to the side to keep from sneezing on me, and then she straightened up, frowning as she tried not to blush. Hoping to ignore what just happened, Jade closed her eyes once more, took another deep breath, and began to channel mana through her fingertips. “Cure Wounds!” she spoke, her voice soft but commanding. My face felt all tingly, and I could see a greenish-white glow coming from Jade’s hand, and before I knew it, any trace of pain was gone. I couldn’t even feel the blood anymore. “Is that better?” Jade asked, taking a step back. I felt around on my left cheek and smiled. “I feel like a million bucks.” Jade bit her bottom lip and grinned shyly. “I… Don’t know what that means.” After our encounter with the Sunglowers, Jade and I found ourselves heading down another long, winding tunnel. When we finally reached the end, I carefully peeked into the next room again, but unlike last time, there didn’t appear to be any monsters. I quickly tiptoed out of the tunnel, but no traps sprang either. The room appeared to be a dead end, and next to a large glittering rock formation in the center, I spotted what I hoped was our prize. A jagged flower made of translucent green crystal sat plainly on the ground. And for some reason it was already in a little pot. Whatever, works for me. “Is that the Crystal Bloom?” I asked, turning to Jade. She peeked around my shoulder, and then she gave an excited squeal. “That’s it! We did it!” “Wait, hang on. The quest said it’s extremely fragile, right?” Jade gasped, took a step back, and nodded emphatically. After slinging my shield over my back, I wrung out my hands and knelt down in front of the flower. “Ain’t even a boss fight? Fine. This damn thing better not turn out to be that fragile. Just… Just let me pick it up.” My fingers closed around the flowerpot, and then I slowly, carefully straightened my legs. Jade beamed as I rose back up, and once I was fully standing, she thrust a fist in the air and jumped for joy. With an excited squeak, Jade shook out her hands to calm herself, and then she leaned carefully toward the Crystal Bloom. “It’s so pretty,” she whispered, cocking her head to the side. Man, it would totally suck if Jade sneezed right now. But she seemed fine, so no harm in letting her look- “Ack-CHYEEEW!!!” The cave hung in silence for a painful few seconds. Jade opened her eyes, and the moment she had a chance to look at the Crystal Bloom again, a hundred tiny cracks appeared all over it with a loud crunch! An instant later, the entire thing broke into pieces and clattered on the floor. Even the pot fell apart. I stood rigid as a statue, my hands out as if I were still holding the flower. Then I began trying to gently grab the insides of my cheeks with my teeth as Jade fell to her knees and sobbed. Alright. Only so many hours in the day. Just enough time for one more quest. Penny was the only one left who I hadn’t spoken to yet, so- You know what? Forget it. If Komithe and Jade could mess up our quests that badly by accident, Penny would probably just stab me in the ass on purpose. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Whatever, I can just do a quest by myself. Doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just something quick and easy I can do on my own so I can just get some experience and a little cash. Hey, how about- “Well if it isn’t my best pal, Slim!” Aww shiiiiit… Feeling a firm grip on my shoulder, I turned around to find none other than ‘Penny Pincher’ Schwartz giving me a shit-eating grin with one eye closed. She kept her hand on my shoulder as I turned, and she gave a enthusiastic thumbs-up once I was facing her. “I still don’t have any money, Penny,” I groaned, no longer overly concerned with whether she’d shank me or not. Penny opened both eyes and patted me hard on the shoulder. “Ohh, no, no, no! I’d never steal from a partner, partner! I was just thinking, since we’re such good friends, you could help me out on, ah, this here mark I’m workin’ on.” Turning around, Penny put her hand on my other shoulder and pulled me up against her. With the two of us pressed together in the middle of the tavern, she drew a quest flier from her belt and held it out to me. Quote Dead Men Tell No Tales Infiltrate the hideout of Nasty Nash and kill the bandit leader. Reward: 1200 gold Bonus: 500 gold if you kill Nasty Nash without being detected. I could tell from the reward money alone that this was going to be a lot tougher than the last two quests. But, those had basically been ‘baby’s first fetch quest,’ and we only failed them because I somehow managed to find the two clumsiest adventurers in town. Maybe something harder than those would still be easy. Then again, Penny was insane, so anything could happen. Spoiler Penny Schwartz Human 3rd Level Thief 21 Hit Points +4 Initiative 13 Armor Class Abilities Strength: 14 (+2) Dexterity: 16 (+3) Constitution: 12 (+1) Intelligence: 9 (-1) Wisdom: 14 (+2) Charisma: 14 (+2) Proficiencies Acrobatics +7 Sleight of Hand +7 Stealth +5 Equipment Dagger (2): 1d4+3 Leather Armor: Armor Class 11 Warhorn Cantrips Minor Illusion Vicious Mockery 1d4 Spells Disguise Self Feather Fall Identify Illusory Script Invisibility Locate Object Sure enough, my dumb ass got dragged all over creation, and I didn’t even get to kill random monsters on the road for the experience. I felt like my legs were going to fall off well before we reached the hideout, but since we’d already come all this way… “Alright, we got two guys with axes right in front of the cave, and then there’s a third guy with a bow who patrols around behind them. How’d you want to-” Ducking back into the bush, I glanced over at Penny to find her halfway into a deep breath with her warhorn held in front of her lips. “Hey! Are you nuts!?” I whispered firmly, grabbing Penny’s wrist with one hand and shoving the other over her mouth. She glared and bobbed toward me with a muffled “Yes!” When Penny let go of the warhorn, I let go of her face. “What about the bonus? Do you wanna just give that up right away?” Penny shrugged. “That’s the only way in! How are we gonna get past those guys without nobody seeing us?” I stuck my head up out of the bush again, and I found our salvation looking away from the cave. A horse-drawn cart was slowly coming up the road, flanked on either side by men in uniforms matching the bandits by the cave. We were already in the perfect position to intercept them, so I just had to get Penny to agree to some sort of plan. “Alright, there’s a cart coming, and it looks like they should bring it into the cave. It’s gonna pass right by us, and when it does, we’re gonna jump out of this bush and climb in the back.” Penny folded her arms and stared at me. “And since I have no idea what else we can do, if that doesn’t work, then you can kill everybody. Deal?” I held out a hand. Penny looked down at it, then she pursed her lips and looked back at me. “Fine. Deal.” Before long the sounds of the horse and cart were within earshot. The guards would definitely see me if I peeked out again, so I did my best to watch them through the leaves. Fortunately the cart was pretty easy to spot, and once it had gone just past our bush, Penny and I sprang out and clambered into the back. I knew it would be a long shot, but somehow we managed to climb on without attracting the attention of the guards or the driver. Best of all, the cart was just full of hay. Penny and I quickly buried ourselves in it and waited, hoping the cart wouldn’t stop until it was inside. The cart finally came to a halt somewhere in the cave, far enough that I couldn’t hear the ambient sounds from outside anymore. The driver leapt off almost immediately after we stopped, and it sounded like even the guards were walking away too. Anyone who was still around would spot me instantly if I stood up, so I looked to Penny for suggestions. She was laying flat on her stomach with her eyes closed, and I almost thought she was asleep, until… “Snn,” Penny whispered, her eyebrows arching. “Huh?” I whispered back, not sure what she was getting at. “Sn-nh…” “What’re you saying?” “Sn-sneeze!” My eyes bulged. “Oh, you better not-!” “HeyeeSHOOO!!!” Penny sneezed powerfully, squashing the bulbous tip of her nose into the floor of the cart. I immediately shot up out of the hay, praying I could handle the bandits, but to my relief, there was no one around. Somebody definitely would have noticed that, or at least that’s what I thought, until I heard the sounds of singing, clinking glasses and other forms of merriment coming from a tunnel to my right. Based on the orientation of the cart, that way led back to the entrance, and if I knew my dungeon design, we wouldn’t find our target that way. “Penny,” I called, still trying to keep my voice low. No response. I patted the side of the cart and repeated myself. “Hey! Penny!” “Hehh-! HeyeSHOO!” Sneezing again, Penny sat up. A clump of hay fell from the top of her head, and she stared off into space for a moment before doubling over with another “HeyeSHOOOO!” Then, Penny crawled toward the side of the cart and nearly fell out of it as she ran up against the edge. I offered her a hand, and to my surprise she actually took it. Her breath hitched and her chest heaved all the while as I helped her down, and for a moment I wondered if she might never recover until she gave one last “HEYESHOOO!” right in my face, at which point she seemed to go right back to normal. “Alright, Slim!” said Penny, slapping my arm. “Good thinkin’! Now what?” Penny placed two curled fingers under her nose and rubbed her nostrils around in a series of small circles. She spent so long doing so that I realized she was genuinely waiting for my input. “Oh! Uh… Alright, let’s see…” Turning left to face the same direction as the horse, I crept up to the nearest passageway. It opened into a larger chamber, and I immediately flung myself back around the corner as I spotted someone walking around. After a moment I stole another glance, and I realized the guy I saw was the only one there. The next section of the cave was mostly empty, furnished only with a bed and what appeared to be some kind of freestanding bathroom with no walls. The bandit removed his leather chestpiece and set it on the ground, and when he turned the other way, I noticed a large “NN” tattooed on his back. “That’s our guy,” I whispered, gesturing for Penny to take a look. Already knowing she’d try it, I gently pushed her warhorn back down before she could blow it. I did have to come up with some kind of plan though, otherwise Penny would just charge right in. After a moment I realized what Penny and I were actually hiding behind. I resisted the urge to slap myself as I looked up at a large wooden scaffold running about a quarter of the way around the makeshift bedroom chamber, and the ramp leading up started right next to us. Holding a finger vertically over my lips, I looked at Penny and pointed up the scaffold. She rolled her eyes, but she shrugged and followed. I tried my best to keep quiet, but as a fighter there was only so much I could do. Fortunately, the sounds of party continued to echo through the cave, and they were enough to drown out my footsteps and the creaking boards. Once we arrived at the top of the scaffold, I discovered there wasn’t another way down on the other side. Penny was sure to love that. “Alright, look,” I whispered, gesturing behind my back. “He’s not at that party, and he was just getting undressed. I bet he’s gonna go to friggin’ sleep soon, and then you can just sneak down there and gank him.” “Sounds boring,” Penny yawned, laying down and staring up at the cave’s ceiling. “But it sounds like it’ll work. Be a dear and tell me when he conks out, okay?” I gave Penny an unimpressed stare as she rubbed her nose, but all I could do was sigh and get back to watching. Better this than her getting us both killed. Although, I started to reconsider that after I watched this guy shave for what felt like an entire frakkin’ day. Just for the sake of variety, I glanced back at Penny to find she had fallen asleep. I don’t know what I was expecting. Luckily she wasn’t snoring, but every now and then she’d rub her nose with a series of snorts and snuffles. As if on cue, the next time I looked back at our target, he had gotten into bed and was already asleep. I placed a hand on Penny’s shoulder and gently shook her awake. She gave a single louder snort and sat up, glancing around to reorient herself. The party was still going on in the other part of the cave, but I kept up my effort to communicate verbally. Before I could gesture back down the scaffold, however, Penny placed a hand on my shoulder, whispered “Feather Fall,” and then she shoved me off the edge. “Aaigh-!” A tiny scream escaped my throat before I realized I was falling incredibly slowly. With no change in noise level from the party, they still must not have heard me. Penny soon joined me, and the two of us touched down silently on the cave floor. I gave her a thumbs-up, but she held up her index finger in return. My eyes widened as Penny’s small, oval-shaped nostrils flared, and with no other warning, she reared back her head. “HEYEESHHOOOO!!!” Penny doubled over with her loudest sneeze yet. Even the party seemed silent by comparison. I squeezed my eyes shut, expecting to be instantly killed by some kind of bandit retribution, but nothing seemed to happen. I opened my eyes to find myself still alive and Penny helplessly rubbing her nose. If Nasty Nash could sleep through that, I might have guessed he was already dead. Still, I couldn’t resist the urge to smack Penny on the back of the head for scaring the crap out of me. She glared at me as she rubbed her nose one more time, but she said nothing and started to creep forward. I figured I would let Penny handle the assassination stuff. For one, obnoxious as she was, she had to have a better stealth skill than I did. And on top of that… I could probably kill a bandit in a straight up fight, but I couldn’t wrap my head around killing someone in their sleep. I simply turned away and kept watch. A moment later I heard a quiet shnk! and it was all ov- “Alright! Another one gone!” I whirled around to find Penny holding both fists in the air, and I could only stare in disbelief as she finally gave her warhorn a deafening blow. Once my ears stopped ringing, I could tell the party had fallen silent. I drew my sword, but nothing could have prepared me for the sight of twelve men made of beards, tattoos and steel charging straight at me. If I died again, there’d be hell to pay. I felt like I lost twenty years off my life in as many minutes. Covered in about seven different people’s blood (plus my own), I staggered out of the mouth of the cave, the tip of my sword dragging on the ground. I came to a stop and gazed out at the sunset, blinking so slowly that eons seemed to pass before my eyes opened again. Then, the author of all my pain strode up beside me, fists proudly glued to her hips. Penny threw back her head and took a deep breath, sniffing so hard that her nostrils gave a snort. “Aah! How’s that for a job well done!?” Penny slapped me on the back, and the next thing I knew, I woke up at the temple back in town. That must have been enough to shave off the rest of my remaining hit points and knock me out. My entire body felt like a giant bruise. Even as the priestess started talking to me, I just laid there and hoped she’d think I was actually dead so she’d leave me alone for a little longer. Oh what a day. What a lovely day. ----- And that's chapter 2. Hopefully you guys had fun with this one too, and I think things really start to pick up in the next one. Thanks again for any and all feedback, and most of all I just hope you enjoyed reading! Link to comment
Blah!? Posted February 3, 2019 Author Share Posted February 3, 2019 Alright, this is where I think things really start to pick up. Again, the first two chapters are kind of an extended introduction, but now that that's all out of the way, we can have some fun. I hope you like it! ----- Chapter 3 After those first two days of insanity, I decided to take some time just for myself. Did some quests, hunted some monsters, all that jazz. I gotta say, it actually wasn’t so bad. Although after the bandit debacle, I wasn’t sure if anything would ever really measure up. At the end of the day, I made some decent money, and I even managed to level up. Then again, second level doesn’t really do a whole lot for you, although I guess I can’t complain about more hit points. And you know what? I thought I was making decent money until I tried to actually, you know, buy stuff. A room at the inn was only ten gold a night, and I could make enough money for that and a day’s worth of food in like an hour. The problem arose the first time I strolled into the weapon shop and found that anything better than the stuff I already had cost so much I don’t even want to say. Thus, even after a week I was still using the same boring starter sword and shield. It wasn’t all bad, though. I did manage to find some scale mail as a random drop, so I was able to ditch my junky leather armor. Spoiler Jim Graves Human 2nd Level Fighter 18 Hit Points +2 Initiative 12 Armor Class Abilities Strength: 13 (+1) Dexterity: 14 (+2) Constitution: 12 (+1) Intelligence: 14 (+2) Wisdom: 14 (+2) Charisma: 14 (+2) Proficiencies Insight +4 Perception +4 Survival +4 Equipment Longsword: 1d8+1 Scale Mail: Armor Class 14, Stealth Disadvantage Shield: Armor Class +2 Eventually I started to hear whispers of a place called ‘Glacier Gulch.’ I wasn’t sure what it was, but people were talking about how much money you could make there. At first that made me wary: anything with a big payout had to be dangerous, but after a couple days, I realized nobody had mentioned anything about so much as being injured there. It was all about how much money they were making, and how much fun it was. Figuring I might as well roll the dice, I packed up some things for the road and set out for Glacier Gulch. It was farther from town than I’d ever been before, and I needed to make camp along the way. Luckily I came across a guard tower just off the side of the road, and the area around it seemed pretty safe. Plus, there were at least a few other adventurers resting there too. We all ignored each other like any good neighbor would, and the next day I managed to arrive at my destination before noon. I still wasn’t quite sure what this place was, but it certainly seemed popular. What must have been hundreds of adventurers were gathered around the entrance to a snowy canyon pass, and there was a miniature town built into the cliffside right next to it. Following the mob of people, I eventually found myself myself standing in front of what I could best describe as a ticket booth. I had no idea if this was the right place, but I might as well find out. “Hello!” greeted the young woman behind the counter. She was dressed almost like a stereotypical carnie from the real world, and I couldn’t help but notice that the ladies staffing the other booths were virtually identical to her. Maybe they were all sisters or something. “Are you here for the Challenge of Glacier Gulch?” “Yes. Yes I am. Also, what is it?” “Two opposing teams face off in the canyon, each with their own keep to defend. If you manage to claim the prize from your enemy’s keep, your team will be victorious!” I nodded, placing a hand on my chin. “So it’s capture the flag, huh?” The woman in the booth stared at me, seemingly unable to process what I’d said. “If I take the thing from their castle and bring it back to my castle, I win?” “Yes!” “Alright. Let’s do it.” “The Challenge of Glacier Gulch requires a party of four. Would you like to be matched with a random group?” I shrugged. “Well, I didn’t come all this way for nothing. Sure.” The woman in the booth directed me to a waiting room. It nearly gave me flashbacks to Eshena’s office, but this one at least had chairs for me to sit in. Plus there was a small fireplace set into one wall, making the little room comparatively cozy. “Wow! Hi, Jim!” After waiting for a minute or two, none other than Jade Cobble stepped into the room. We exchanged a smile, and I stood up to greet her. “Yeah, what are the odds?” I mumbled, scratching the back of my head. This whole Glacier Gulch affair didn’t sound terribly scary, so Jade was probably a good team mate to have. Spoiler Jade Cobble Earth Genasi 4th Level Cleric 46 Hit Points +1 Initiative 11 Armor Class Abilities Strength: 14 (+2) Dexterity: 12 (+1) Constitution: 16 (+3) Intelligence: 14 (+2) Wisdom: 13 (+1) Charisma: 10 (+0) Proficiencies History +4 Religion +3 Medicine +3 Equipment Mace: 1d6+2 Chain Mail: Armor Class 16, Stealth Disadvantage Shield: Armor Class +2 Cantrips Mending Preserve Life Resistance Sacred Flame 1d8 Spare the Dying Spells Bless Cure Wounds 1d8 Lesser Restoration Sanctuary Turn Undead “Have you ever done this before?” I asked, resting my hands on my hips. Jade shook her head. “No, but I’ve heard a lot of people talking about it. And I’m trying to be more brave, so here I am!” I certainly had to admire her enthusiasm. “So, how have you-” Before I could finish my sentence, the door to the waiting room creaked open once more. Jade and I glanced over at it, and I nearly jumped when I spotted Komithe. “Uh… Hey there, Komithe,” I greeted, giving an awkward wave. The half-elf rigidly turned to me and nodded. “Hello again.” “Jade, this is, uh, Komithe.” “Hi! Nice to meet you!” Spoiler Komithe Half-Elf 4th Level Warlock 29 Hit Points +2 Initiative 12 Armor Class Abilities Strength: 12 (+1) Dexterity: 15 (+2) Constitution: 12 (+1) Intelligence: 14 (+2) Wisdom: 16 (+3) Charisma: 9 (-1) Proficiencies Acrobatics +4 Arcana +4 Investigation +4 Equipment Pact Weapon (Rapier +1): 1d8+3 Crystal Focus Cantrips Eldritch Blast 1d10 Mage Hand Minor Illusion Spells Detect Magic Mage Armor: Armor Class 13 + Dex (15) Hellish Rebuke 2d10 Hex 1d6 Invisibility Misty Step Witch Bolt 1d12 Jade extended a hand and Komithe cordially accepted the gesture. It was almost a nice moment, but Komithe put on her crazy sneering ‘smile’. Calmly closing her eyes, Jade tried to keep up her own smile as she spoke to me out of the corner of her mouth. “Um… Why is she looking at me like that?” “Don’t worry about it, she’s trying to be polite. I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to be a smile.” “Oh. Well, that’s nice.” Man, what are the odds I’d end up with these two again? Small world, huh? We still had one more slot to fill in our team, I wonder who it could- Wait. No. I just managed to pick up the sound of footsteps approaching outside. A chill ran up my spine as I felt a bad omen. No. Jade yelped and Komithe whirled around as a rough leather boot suddenly kicked the door in. It can’t be. “Alright everybody, listen up. I’m in charge here, and we’re gonna do this my way.” Penny Schwartz strutted into the waiting room in exactly the manner I’d come to expect. Her thumbs were tucked into her pockets with her elbows slightly out to the sides, and for whatever reason she was a bit hunched over. She was doing that freaky raised-brow bulging-eye frown again, carefully scanning the room as she approached. Once she caught sight of me, however, she immediately stood up straight and put on a perfectly normal smile. “Hey! Slim! It’s you! What are the odds?” Not very good, apparently! “...Hey. Everyone, this is Pen-” “‘Penny Pincher’ Schwartz, at your service! Slim can be in charge.” Spoiler Penny Schwartz Human 4th Level Thief 30 Hit Points +4 Initiative 13 Armor Class Abilities Strength: 14 (+2) Dexterity: 16 (+3) Constitution: 12 (+1) Intelligence: 10 (+0) Wisdom: 14 (+2) Charisma: 15 (+2) Proficiencies Acrobatics +7 Sleight of Hand +7 Stealth +5 Equipment Dagger (2): 1d4+3 Leather Armor: Armor Class 11 Warhorn Cantrips Mending Minor Illusion Vicious Mockery 1d4 Spells Disguise Self Feather Fall Identify Illusory Script Invisibility Locate Object See Invisibility “His name is Jim,” said Jade, taking a step forward. “Huh?” Penny spat, tipping her head back and curling her upper lip. “That’s what I said.” “O-oh,” Jade whimpered, staring down at the floor. “I’m… Jade.” “And what’s your name, fancy pants?” Penny asked as she sauntered over to our warlock. “Komithe,” she replied, bowing her head. I’m gonna have to babysit these three, aren’t I? I didn’t have long to worry though, since as soon as we’d all introduced ourselves, the door opposite the one we’d entered from swung open. All four of us flinched as freezing cold air and a few snow flurries were blasted into the room, though the outside was too bright to make out any details. Well, that’s it then. Drawing my sword, I was the first to step through the door. The area on the other side was so captivating that I almost forgot about how cold it was. We were standing at the end of an icy canyon, with walls so high we’d never be able to climb them even with a levitation spell. The sky was clear, but there was already enough snow on the ground that my boots sank about three inches into it. “Ha-CHEEW! Ih-t’s so c-c-cold!” Jade complained, throwing her arms around herself as she began to shiver furiously. I took a look behind us, and now that we’d all stepped out of the waiting room, the door had vanished without a trace, leaving us with no way out. “Alright, let’s get inside.” A small, circular castle stood dead ahead, made mostly of dark gray stone with a few metal and wooden reinforcements. The heavy wooden door facing us was unlocked, and it opened into a narrow corridor that wrapped around symmetrically on either side. Both paths eventually gave way to a large room, where a large blue flag stood in the center of the floor. That must be the ‘prize,’ as it were. To the left, facing toward the dead end of the canyon, there was a staircase that presumably led up to the roof. Given that none of us were particularly interested in heading back out into the cold, we instead went the other way and took another staircase that led into the basement. Four simple beds were set up inside, and there was even a small fireplace built into the left wall. “It’s so cozy!” Jade moaned, placing her hands on her cheeks. I smiled and looked back at the beds. “You wanna stay in here?” At first, Jade closed her eyes and gave a contented sigh, but she quickly straightened up and shook her head. “No! We need to keep an eye out for our opponents!” Penny and Komithe had already left the bedroom, so Jade and I headed back upstairs. I took a quick peek up at the roof, but given that there was no one there and there didn’t seem to be much to look at, I led Jade back out the way we’d came. Komithe stood by herself in front of our castle, gazing out farther into the canyon. “Hey. Where’s Penny?” I asked, stepping up beside her. “I am unaware of her current whereabouts,” Komithe replied, continuing to look straight ahead. Most of the canyon appeared relatively flat, but it also seemed to twist and turn a bit. If nothing else, I couldn’t see our enemy’s castle, and I couldn’t tell where the far end was either. There were smaller paths on either side, however, both leading higher up along the canyon walls. We’d have to keep an eye on those too. “HeyeeSHOOO!!!” Hearing one of Penny’s distinctive sneezes from behind, I turned to look back at the castle. I still didn’t see any sign of her, that is until she suddenly pulled herself up out of the chimney on the roof. Giving a defeated sigh, I slapped a palm to my forehead. “Did you really just climb all the way up through there?” “You bet I did! Whoo!” Penny dropped down onto the castle’s roof, and then she hopped down to the ground where she gave another “HeyeSHOO!” shortly after landing. She was covered in blotches of soot all over, and the underside of her nose was completely blackened. Penny put her hands on her hips and grinned proudly, and I decided not to give her the satisfaction of further questioning. “S-see anything, K-Komithe?” chattered Jade, rubbing her arms up and down. The half-elf shook her head slightly and remained silent. “Hey, Jim! Heads up!” I knew Penny was up to something stupid, but before I could decide whether I wanted to deal with it or not, a snowball hit me in the back of the head. Sighing heavily, I reached a hand up to my hair to brush away the snow, hoping to get most of it before it started dripping down my neck. Meanwhile, Penny laughed uproariously, pausing to snort every now and then. “Stop it! We need to concentrate!” scolded Jade, turning to face Penny. She tried to take a step toward the thief, but she stumbled in the heavy snow and tumbled to the ground. Penny fell silent for a second before exploding with renewed laughter. Jade pushed herself up, scowling with tears in her eyes, and in a move I didn’t quite expect, she packed a snowball of her own and hurled it at Penny. She missed by a mile, but A for effort. “Oh, it’s on!” Penny shouted, throwing her fists in the air. I simply stepped off to the side as she and Jade chucked snowballs at each other, but they went on for quite a while. Eventually they were making such a commotion that even Komithe turned to watch. Just as she did, however, one of Penny’s stray throws hit her squarely in the nose. Komithe flapped her arms up and down as she tried to maintain her balance, and a moment later she fell flat on her back. “Hey! Are you okay?” cackled Penny, hobbling over to the fallen warlock. At first she seemed genuinely concerned, but when Komithe sat up, Penny simply threw a fresh snowball right at her forehead. Komithe fell back into the snow as Penny howled with laughter. When she pushed herself up again, however, she was only using her right hand, and I quickly spotted something clutched in her left. Komithe had removed a pendant from her pocket, wrapping the chain around her middle finger and holding the crystal in her palm. Jade and I jumped in shock as Komithe suddenly fired an eldritch blast directly into Penny’s chest, knocking her down in turn. “Alright! That’s what I’m talking about!” Penny bellowed, leaping up to her feet and drawing her daggers. Knowing I’d already let things go too far, I rushed in between the two warring parties and held up my shield to stop Penny in her tracks. “That’s enough!” I commanded, secretly relieved that Penny didn’t simply plow right through me. “Let’s not kill each other before the other team gets a chance, okay?” A quick glance over my shoulder told me Jade had simultaneously taken to restraining Komithe, with similar success. After a tense moment, Penny sheathed her daggers and shrugged dramatically, avoiding eye contact with any of us. “Okay, fine. But what the heck are we gonna do instead?” “Well, uh…” I trailed off, trying to think of a plan. “Komithe and I will scout out the enemy castle, and you two stand guard here.” Penny put her hands on her hips and gave an annoyed “tch,” but she raised no complaint. After getting a nod from Komithe, I headed out with her in tow before she and Penny had a chance to go at it again. I figured we’d be sitting ducks if we went straight up the middle, so I took Komithe along the raised path farthest to our right. There wasn’t even a guarantee that it actually led to the other castle, but at least it would be nice to know where it went. “You could have really hurt Penny, you know?” I said, continuing to trudge forward. When Komithe didn’t respond, I looked back to find her stopped a few feet behind me, her head cocked to one side. “But we were fighting.” My jaw dropped. “People aren’t supposed to kill each other in a snowball fight.” “I will keep that in mind.” “Okay. Okay, good.” We continued on, and after a minute, Komithe spoke up once more. “I’ve never had a snowball fight before. I would like to try again.” “Well, I’m sure you’ll-” I flinched as something softly hit me between the shoulders. Turning around, I found Komithe staring blankly straight ahead. “I didn’t throw that snowball that just hit you in the back,” she mumbled, reaching a hand up to her face to gently rub under her nose. This probably wasn’t the best time, but I couldn’t help but smile. “Alright, I see how it is,” I replied, bending over to make a snowball of my own. Not wanting to provoke another eldritch blast, I lightly tossed the snowball at Komithe’s stomach. She calmly looked down at the point of impact, and then she suddenly dropped to her knees. “Oh no, I’m hurt,” she said flatly. “I will now fall down on the ground in agony.” Giving a quiet chuckle, I stepped toward Komithe and knelt down to help her up. Then- WAAGH! A fireball exploded against the cliff face beside me, whizzing through the spot where my head had just been. I stood up and turned just as a deep gnome wielding a staff leapt all the way up to our raised path. He was already in the process of working on another spell, but I had just enough time to ready my sword and shield. “Okay, this is it!” I said through gritted teeth, admittedly more scared than excited for my first battle against another adventurer. “Magic Missile!” shouted the gnome, sending three glowing darts flying toward me. I managed to catch two of them with my shield, but the third embedded itself in my right thigh. Letting out a startled scream, I momentarily dropped to one knee before forcing myself up again. I lunged forward and swung my sword, but the gnome managed to leap right over me, putting himself between me and Komithe. I noticed a faint blue aura shimmering all around his body: that must have been mage armor. “Ice Knife!” A large shard of ice embedded itself in my shield with a thud! Before I could react, the gnome hooked his staff under my shield and ripped it away from me, sending it flying down to the canyon floor below. He then jabbed me in the stomach with his weapon, but just as he was about to strike again, a crackling eldritch blast caught him in the shoulder and shoved him away from me. Komithe rushed past me, summoning her rapier and casting her own mage armor. She and the gnome traded blows, and the warlock rather handily managed to slip through his defenses and stab him in the leg. The gnome fell to one knee, but he gritted his teeth and held up a hand. “Frostbite!” A thin layer of ice formed all over Komithe, covering her clothes, her weapon, and even her skin. She gave an agonized yelp and fell to her knees, but much like her opponent, she held up a hand and cast a spell of her own. “Hellish Rebuke!” growled Komithe, firmly clenching her fist. The gnome screamed as his body was wreathed in black and red fire, and for a moment I hoped that would be the end of it. Komithe collapsed onto her back, but when the flames dissipated, the gnome was still standing. Surging up to my feet, I held my sword in both hands and charged. “Eat this!” I bellowed, swinging my blade upward through the gnome wizard. The attack simultaneously robbed him of his final hit points and flung him off the edge of the path. I planted my sword in the ground and watched him fall, his body vanishing into golden sparkles before he hit the ground. I then fell back on my ass and breathed a sigh of relief, but I realized Komithe still hadn’t gotten up. “Komithe! Hey, Komithe! Are you okay?” I wheezed, dragging myself over to her. Her rapier and mage armor disappeared, but she was fortunately still alive. However, her breathing was heavy and ragged, and she didn’t respond to me at all. This would have been a perfect opportunity for the other team to come and finish us off, but I tried not to think about it as I slid my arms under Komithe and lifted her out of the snow. The sky grew dark as I trudged back to our castle. My heart skipped a beat every time I looked over my shoulder to see if we were being followed, but nothing scared me more than not spotting Jade or Penny once the keep came into view. Snow began to fall, and I quickened my pace. In the final minute before I got inside, a raging blizzard began to assault the canyon, and it took some doing to force the door shut behind me. “Jade!” I called out, heading for the stairs down to the bedroom. “Jade, I need your help!” “Oh no! What’s wrong!?” Jade sounded so worried she might die, but it was great to hear her voice. She ran out of the flag room to join me and Komithe, and she tenderly held the half-elf’s hand as we descended the stairs. Fortunately there was already a fire going, and after Jade pulled one of the bed closer to the facade, I set Komithe down on it. Before bundling her up, Jade placed her hands on Komithe’s belly and closed her eyes. “Lesser Restoration!” Jade’s hands began to glow, and after a moment, Komithe’s breathing returned to normal. The cleric then pulled the covers up over her and sat back. “What happened?” Jade asked. I leaned up against the wall next to the fireplace and folded my arms. “Got ambushed by some wizard-ass gnome. At least he’s dead now. Not sure if he’ll be back, though. And we didn’t even get to see the other castle- Wait, where’s Penny?” Jade covered her face with her hands and sighed. “She stuck around for a while after you two left, but then she said she was going to try to get the enemy flag herself. I haven’t seen her since.” “Well, that’s great. Agh, whatever. I’ll go on watch for now.” “Oh! I’ll come with you,” said Jade, standing up as I pushed myself off the wall. We made our way upstairs, through the flag room, and then out onto the roof of the keep. The blizzard was still going strong, reducing our visibility fairly significantly. Still, the castle didn’t have any windows at all, so if we all just waited inside, we’d have no warning if we were attacked. “Ihh… Hih! Hih-CHEEW!” Jade gave a squeaky sneeze and wrapped her arms around herself. She shivered for a minute before doubling over with another “Ah-CHYEEW!”, and she blushed when she saw me looking in her direction. “S-sorry. I sneeze when I’m chilly.” “Yeah, I noticed.” Jade smiled shyly and rubbed her nose. Looking out into the storm again, I took a deep breath and put my hands on my hips. “Hey, how about we switch off? You can go back inside for now if you want.” “I think I will,” Jade sighed, placing a hand on her chest. She gently rubbed my shoulder, and then she headed back to the flag room. After one more “He’Cheew!”, she disappeared down the staircase, leaving me by my lonesome. I paced back and forth on the castle roof to keep the blood flowing, and to cover a larger area. The blizzard seemed to calm somewhat, but the sky was still gray and the heavy snowfall continued. At least the wind wasn’t so bad. Eventually I realized I had no way to properly keep track of time, so I decided to take laps around the top of the castle and count them up. One, two, three, four… Okay, yeah, no. That would drive me insane. Luckily it wasn’t too much longer before the snow stopped, and I figured that would be as good a time as any to switch out with Jade. Once I was able to see a bit farther, I scanned the horizon one last time and then headed back inside. The flag room was empty, so I could only assume Jade had gone down to the bedroom. Just as I reached the staircase, I heard someone forcefully blowing their nose. “There we go, good girl. Let it all out.” I walked down the stairs with an amused smile that only grew when I spotted Jade holding a handkerchief to Komithe’s nostrils. The half-elf was sitting up in bed, but she was still wrapped tight in the blankets. Komithe took the handkerchief in her own hand, and then the two ladies turned to me. “Welcome back!” Jade greeted. “As far as I can tell, Komithe should be alright. She just has the sniffles now.” As if on cue, Komithe sniffed twice and wiggled her nose. Jade smiled and gave her a reassuring rub on the leg. “Good job, Jade. Oh, also, the snow stopped,” I said, gesturing upward. Jade stood and returned my smile. “Okay! I’ll go on watch now.” Jade stepped around me and skipped up the stairs, making her way to the roof. “Ah-Cheeew! Brrr!” Chuckling to myself, I pulled one of the other beds closer to Komithe and laid down on it, keeping my companion in my peripheral vision. She said nothing as she wiped her handkerchief back and forth under her nose, but afterward she finally spoke up. “Thank you,” said Komithe, her flat voice sounding a bit thick with congestion. I sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed and resting my elbows on my thighs. “Hey, no problem. How’re you feeling?” “I’m combat ready,” she answered confidently. I could tell by the following psycho-smile that she was lying. “Yeah, you sure look it.” The warlock frowned at me, but before long, her thin nostrils flared and she brought her handkerchief back up to her face. “Ah-knxxt!” Komithe sneezed softly into the handkerchief, and I took the opportunity to squat down in front of her. While she cradled her long nose, I slipped a hand in under her bangs and felt her forehead. Komithe immediately lurched away from me with an uncharacteristic squeal. “Your hand is cold,” she complained, glaring at me over her handkerchief. I held up my arms and retreated back to my bed. “Sorry. I guess I should leave you alone for now. Get some rest.” Komithe watched silently as I headed back up to the flag room. I barely made it halfway before I heard a shriek from the roof, so I drew my sword and sprinted up the stairs. Ohh, this is gonna be fun. Standing opposite Jade was a fire genasi sorcerer, and beside him was a half-orc barbarian wielding an axe roughly the size of a tree. I stepped up next to Jade and lifted my left arm to protect myself, but I then realized I never picked up my shield after I lost it in the fight with the gnome. “Well shit.” The barbarian let out a guttural roar and charged right at me. I gripped my sword with both hands and took a step back, and in doing so I stepped into the open staircase and fell halfway down. Somehow that actually worked in my favor, as I managed to avoid that giant axe, and the half-orc’s attention span was short enough that he immediately turned his attention to Jade. The moment I regained my footing, I ran back up the stairs and swung my sword across the barbarian’s back. He howled in pain and rage, probably more rage than pain, and he set upon me once again. This time I carefully backed up away from the staircase, hoping to give both myself and Jade some more room. The half-orc raised his axe overhead and brought it down at me, but I managed to sidestep the vertical swing and slash at his arm. I barely grazed him with the tip of my sword, and he didn’t even seem to notice. “Magic Missile!” Jade yelped and held up her shield, managing to block all three darts from the sorcerer’s attack. Then, she jabbed her hand toward the fire genasi. “Sacred Flame!” Blue and white fire swirled around the sorcerer, staggering him. Jade seized the opportunity and charged forward, winding up with her mace, but the sorcerer quickly regained his footing. “Gust!” he commanded, producing a blast of wind from his fingertips. Not backing down, Jade closed her eyes and shrieked at the top of her lungs. She ran straight through the sorcerer’s spell, catching him in the chest with her shield. And she didn’t stop there: continuing to scream, Jade kept running until both she and the fire genasi sailed right over the edge of the roof. After avoiding another blow from the barbarian, I ran to where Jade had fallen off, praying she was alright. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw her stand up, leaving the sorcerer in a person-shaped hole in the snow. Jade placed a hand on her chest and tried to calm down, and she gave a terrified yelp when the sorcerer suddenly sat up. Closing her eyes in fear, Jade screamed and swung her mace like a baseball bat. My eyebrows popped up as she cracked the fire genasi right in the back of the head, causing him to burst into a sparkling cloud. “Hey! Good job, JaAAAAAA!” The barbarian swung his battleaxe horizontally into my chest. I flew backward away from Jade, and before I knew it I found myself falling down the stairs into the flag room. Hearing a roar from above, I rolled away from the staircase just as the barbarian landed right were I’d been a second ago. To make matters worse, I no longer had my sword, and I didn’t see it anywhere in the room. Out of ideas, I crawled away on my back as the half-orc chased me down. He raised his axe for a killing blow, but before he could end me, an eldritch blast hit him in the shoulder, staggering him enough for me to roll away again. Komithe stood at the top of the stairs leading up from the bedroom. She had put on her coat, but while her crystal pendant was held at the ready in her left hand, she still had her handkerchief in her right. Her violet eyes briefly flicked to me, and then she tossed the thoroughly used handkerchief aside as the half-orc charged forward. Glowing purple energy formed the shape of a rapier in Komithe’s right hand, but before it could finish… “Ah-Knxt!” As Komithe sneezed, her pact weapon vanished into thin air, leaving her defenseless. She barely had time to look up before the barbarian body-slammed her into the castle wall. The half-orc kept her pinned in place, sneering as she struggled to free herself. I tried to return to my feet as well, but before I could, the door beside me burst open, hitting me right in the forehead. I fell back to the floor as none other than Penny Schwartz stepped in from the cold, carrying a stack of neatly chopped logs in her arms. “Huh?” she said flatly, giving the barbarian her classic stink-eye. She dropped her firewood right on my chest, forcing a flattering “OO!!!” out of my throat. Then, she picked up a log and began to fling them at the half-orc one after the other. “Don’t! Touch! My! Friends!!!” The barbarian didn’t seem hurt, but he still took a step back, allowing Komithe to fall to the floor. By the time the last piece of firewood was in the air, Penny had grabbed her warhorn from her belt. I moved to cover my ears, and right on cue, the whole castle shook with an inescapable blast of sound. That was enough to get the half-orc on the back foot, and the next thing I knew, Penny was flying through the air with both daggers drawn. And so ended the barbarian. After wiping the blades of her daggers down, Penny leaned against the wall above me and folded her arms. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, and then she looked down at me with a proud grin. “Now that’s what I call a close encounter,” she said, slowly rubbing a finger back and forth under her nose. “Yeah,” I replied, patting her nearest shin. “Where the heck did you go, anyway?” Penny prodded the side of my head with the toe of her boot. “Where’d you think I got all the firewood, genius? Jade was so cold she couldn’t stop sneezin’, so I went to go get her some. I just told her I was gonna do somethin’ dumb so she wouldn’t think I was being nice. Gotta protect my reputation.” “That’s… Actually rather thoughtful.” “I know, I’m a good samaritan at heart. Now, tell her and I’ll stab you in the butt!” Penny grinned and gave me a thumbs-up. I just closed my eyes and sighed. Moments later, Jade burst in through the side door, followed by the woman from the booth. I was surprised to see her, though not surprised enough to actually get up off the floor. “Hey everyone! We won!” Jade cheered, waving her hands in the air. “Wait, we did?”I asked, twisting my neck around to look up at her. Jade nodded enthusiastically, and the carnie lady stepped in to explain. “The final member of the opposing team has decided to forfeit the match! The blue team is victorious!” Wow, win by a rage quit. Perhaps not the most honorable victory, but who cares? We won! I weakly threw up my arms to celebrate. “Alright, good job guys. Let’s just not come in tomorrow. Let’s just… Take a day.” The four of us were led through the same strange little floating door we used to enter the canyon. When I stepped back into the waiting room, I noticed that my sword was at my hip and my shield was slung over my back once again, and this time the room was different. The fire was still going, but the chairs had been removed and replaced by a row of four wooden chests. Booth lady instructed us to each take one, and I certainly wasn’t about to say no. Inside was a sack of- Holy crap, five hundred thousand gold!? Man, Glacier Gulch is the shiznit! “You know what, guys? I think we make a pretty good team.” ----- And that's chapter 3. This one was a lot of fun to write, and I like to think I didn't stretch the D&D rules too much. Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed, feedback is always appreciated and all that. See you next time! Link to comment
47Bears Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 Have you watched Konosuba? Cause this feels very Konosuba-y. It’s really cute and delightful. And I really love the spin you’re giving it Link to comment
mysterysneeze Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 There is so many really enjoyable scenes you wrote on the characters themselves that help me imagine how each individual is like. I honestly would really like to see an anime episode like your story! ^^ this genre of anime has some of my favorite shows of all time. Do you have any shows of this genre that you like? I am curious what shows inspired you to make this story. I can easily see this story in my head as I read what is going on. the characters themselves are likeable. The fact the goddess herself sneezes and causes an accidental death is really a fun idea. The situations feel like real quests, and I like how the sneezes in the story are handled in different ways. I also think the character sheets were a smart idea to include! You did a very nice job with them. Link to comment
Blah!? Posted February 8, 2019 Author Share Posted February 8, 2019 @Yamiterasu Yep, Konosuba was probably the biggest singular influence on this story. I've wanted to write an isekai/"trapped in another world" story for a long time, but Konosuba gave me that final push I needed to actually do it. Glad you're enjoying it! @mysterysneeze I suspect it's not a secret that I watch a lot of anime, though as I said above, Konosuba was probably the primary influence here. That said, I did take some elements from other stories. For example, Penny's personality was inspired by that "anime delinquent girl" archetype, and Komithe's personality and particularly her tendency to smile really weirdly if she's forcing herself to were partly inspired by Chizuru from ReLife. It would probably take all day if I tried to list everything that inspired me here. I'm glad you like the characters, they're probably my favorite part of all this. Anyway, here's chapter 4. If I'm being perfectly honest, I think this is one of my favorite things that I've ever written. I don't want to take too much more of your time, so let's get right into it. ----- Chapter 4 And so, the four of us decided to permanently team up. We were rough around the edges, sure, but we could actually get things done. Also, I did kinda get the sense that none of us really had other adventuring buddies. We did some quests, made some money, and generally had a pretty alright time. Got this neat ‘ring of mind shielding’ as a drop, and I bought myself a crossbow so I wouldn’t be useless at range. So that’s cool. Spoiler Jim Graves Human 3rd Level Fighter 25 Hit Points +2 Initiative 12 Armor Class Abilities Strength: 13 (+1) Dexterity: 14 (+2) Constitution: 12 (+1) Intelligence: 14 (+2) Wisdom: 14 (+2) Charisma: 14 (+2) Proficiencies Insight +4 Perception +4 Survival +4 Equipment Longsword: 1d8+1 Crossbow, Light: 1d8+2 20 Crossbow Bolts Scale Mail: Armor Class 14, Stealth Disadvantage Shield: Armor Class +2 Ring of Mind Shielding In spite of our success, however, I was still living out of the inn. Houses are expensive, yo! Jade got to have a room in the temple for free by virtue of being a cleric, and that small amount of exclusivity at least made it cooler than the frakkin’ inn. Penny… Come to think of it, I had no idea where Penny lived. Knowing her, she was probably breaking into a different home every night, but at least it wasn’t the inn. Komithe was the only one of us with a house, tiny as it was. And even then, I had no idea how she managed to afford the damn thing. After doing a quest to cover my expenses for the day, I decided to call it early and hit the tavern. So I’m lazy, sue me. I didn’t spot any of my party members on the way in, so I just sat at the bar and ordered a tankard of mead. Once I was halfway through my drink, Jade took a seat beside me and beamed with excitement. “Hey Jade, what’s up?” I asked, bringing my tankard to my lips. “I have a super neat quest for us to do!” Jade replied, holding up a roll of paper. I took a sip of mead and set it down on the counter. “Oh? What is it?” Jade handed me the quest flier and I quickly read it over. Quote The Triplets of Bell End Investigate the Bell End Estate and find a way to remove the three ghosts that haunt it. You may stay as long as it takes to complete the request. Reward: 10,000 gold “You sure you want to do a quest with ghosts?” I asked, polishing off my mead. Jade smiled shyly and glanced off to the side. “Well, if we bring everyone, I don’t think it’ll be too scary. Besides, I know you’re still sleeping at the inn. Wouldn’t it be cool to live in a big house, even if it’s just for a little while?” Turning away from the bar, I leaned back against the counter. “Yeah, I guess,” I sighed, gazing up at the ceiling. Then, I couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks, Jade.” “No problem!” After informing Penny and Komithe of the plan, we went our separate ways and gathered up a couple days worth of stuff. Then, we reconvened at the intersection of Bell End and Main Street, where we met our benefactor. He was a human man who looked to be about my age, with green eyes and silvery hair. His clothes weren’t quite noble, but he was still dressed a fair bit better than your average townsperson. “Good evening! My name is Lewis Sascadh, and thank you so much for responding to my request so swiftly.” We shook hands, and then Lewis turned his attention to Komithe. He gently lifted her wrist and kissed the back of her hand. I raised an eyebrow as he didn’t extend the same courtesy to either Penny or Jade before turning to lead the way to his estate. “Now, if you’ll please follow me. Oh, and I must say, I love your fragrance, milady.” Komithe gave her forced psycho smile, and it took every last drop of my willpower not to burst out laughing. Meanwhile, Penny wasted no time invading Komithe’s personal space. She crept up right behind the half-elf and tenderly sniffed Komithe’s neck. “Ooh, lavender,” said Penny, licking her lips. Komithe didn’t seem to care. Penny leaned forward and sniffed again, this time getting so close that the underside of her nose gently grazed Komithe’s bare skin. The warlock’s eyes widened for a split second, and then she quickened her pace and pulled away. Penny raised her hands after Komithe, but she didn’t pursue. “No, come back! I wanna sniff you!” The houses that lined either side of the street grew larger and more lavish as we walked. Before long, they were all at least two stories tall, complete with gated lawns and a fair amount of decorative vegetation. We still hadn’t reached our destination yet, so I could only wonder just how big the estate would be. “Ah… Acheew!” Jade suddenly sneezed, covering her mouth and nose with both hands. She barely had time to open her eyes before another “Ha-CHEEW!” bent her over and slowed her pace. “Gesundheit,” said Penny, clasping her hands behind her head and looking up at the sky. “Thanks, I think?” Jade replied, slowly rubbing a finger back and forth under her nose. “There are so many flowers here. I… Ah… Ah-Ahh-Ahhh-! Hoooh… It went away. No, wait- Ack-CHYEEW! Ohh…” Still staring off into space, Penny reached her left hand over to Jade and patted her on the head. Jade quietly sniffed and blushed as she rubbed her nose. I smiled as the two of them slid closer and closer together, and before long, Penny was giving Jade a one-armed hug as they walked. After a surprisingly long walk, Lewis came to a stop at the very last house at the end of the street. You know what? Given the name of the estate, I really shouldn’t have been surprised. It wasn’t quite what I’d call a mansion, but it was a large, two-story house with room for an attic, and it even had a small tower attached to the side that reached a floor higher. The wall around the lawn was a bit overgrown, but otherwise the place was in great shape. “Pretty well maintained for a haunted house,” I said to no one in particular. Lewis smiled and shrugged. “Well, I do still live here.” “What, are you a lich or something?” I asked rather flatly. “Ha, you’re quite the comedian. Now, please, right this way.” The five of us headed inside, and already the place felt cozy as could be. There was a small stone section of the floor just inside the door, surrounded by a step up to the rest of the entryway. Plenty of room for shoes and coats. There was another door straight ahead and a staircase leading up on the left, but first Lewis took us to the right. “Here you’ll find the kitchen, and the dining room is right on the other side of that half wall. Then, if you keep going, the den will be on your left.” Lewis then led us back to the entryway, and after ditching our stuff for the time being, we headed up the stairs. Another set of steps led up from the second floor, but we momentarily stopped on the landing. A hallway lined with doors stretched all the way to the other end of the house, where it was capped with an ornate window. “Here you’ll find three bedrooms, the study, and two washrooms, all fully stocked. Feel free to choose any bedroom you like.” We went up the stairs again to another landing, and this one only had room for a doorway before continuing onward one more time. “There’s a fourth bedroom up in the tower, and this doorway leads to the attic. “Ooh, yes!” Penny said with a grin, immediately flinging the door open and slipping through. “Penny, don’t steal anything,” I groaned as I watched her. Penny held up her hands and frowned. “Oh, please. I’m just taking a look aroun- Heh… Ehhh… HeyeSHOO!” Penny doubled over with a loud sneeze. She coughed lightly as she straightened up, and then she gave an annoyed “gnuh…” as she began to vigorously rub her fingers back and forth under her nose. Jade giggled softly as Penny continued rubbing her nose after a few seconds too many. “You okay, Penny?” “Heiii’Kk!” This time Penny stifled her sneeze by grabbing her bulbous nose between her thumb and forefinger. Doing so clearly left her out of breath though, earning another chuckle from Jade. “Too dusty for you?” “Heh-! Hhheeiii’KK!” “Alright, come on out of there.” Penny took a step toward the door, but another “HeyeeSHOOO!” stopped her in her tracks. While we waited, Komithe decided to have her own look around the attic. At first she hardly seemed to notice the dust, but eventually her long nose crinkled up and she gave a tiny “Ha-knxxt!” of her own. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry, milady,” Lewis spoke up, taking Komithe’s hand and guiding her back out through the door. “I keep the rest of the house cleaned to the nines, but I must confess it’s been a while since I gave the attic a good dusting.” He and Komithe headed back down the stairs just as Penny flung herself through the doorway. She glared at me with a look that said something in between “can you believe this guy?” and “I really need to sneeze.” After another bout of furious nose-rubbing, Penny seemed to get a hold of herself, and then she began to defiantly stomp up the stairwell into the tower bedroom. She barely made it halfway before… “HEYEESHOOO!!!” Thrown off-balance by her big sneeze, Penny slipped and tumbled out of the stairwell, landing on her back. Jade gasped and immediately rushed to her side. “Penny, are you okay!?” “Yeah,” said Penny through gritted teeth. “I’m fine. I meant to do that.” After helping Penny up, the three of us returned to the ground floor just as Lewis and Komithe gone through the other door across from the entryway. I quickened my pace to catch up with them, and then we found ourselves in the house’s basement. Wooden boxes and barrels were stacked up all around, and the entire far wall was a wine rack. Finally, another unassuming door led off to the right. “And this, of course, is the cellar. That door there leads to the servant’s quarters, though I haven’t had a live-in housekeeper in ages. Oh, please help yourselves to any of my wine. Consider it an advance payment.” Penny began to lumber toward the wine rack as everyone else headed back upstairs. I grabbed the back of her shirt collar and hauled her away. Once I reached the landing, Lewis took a step toward the front door. “And with that, I bid you good evening. I’ve left a spare key for you on the kitchen counter should you need to go out.” “You’re not gonna stay?” I asked, keeping a firm grip on Penny. Lewis smiled and shook his head. “Oh, no. I wouldn’t want to get in your way.” “Can you tell us anything about the, you know, ghosts?” Lewis’s brows popped up in surprise for a moment, and then the closed his eyes and placed his fingertips on his forehead. “Ah yes, of course. They have yet to cause any real harm, I can tell you that much. The worst I’ve seen them do is open or close doors, and sometimes they can levitate objects. More bothersome than anything, really.” “Right,” I said, placing my hands on my hips. “Good evening, then.” Lewis waved and I returned the gesture, and then he gave Komithe a not so subtle wink. I rolled my eyes as he departed, and all four of us stood still as statues until almost a full minute had passed. Once I was confident that Lewis was gone, I turned to the others. “Okay, well, he’s up to something.” “Ya’ think?” Penny replied, placing one hand on her hip while she rubbed the other back and forth under her nose. “He’s probably a frakkin’ lich.” “I dunno about that, but I do know he’s got a pretty big crush on our pretty little warlock,” Penny continued, putting an arm around Komithe. The half-elf blinked. “I hadn’t noticed,” she said. That was definitely her “I’m serious” flat tone as opposed to her “I’m totally not lying” flat tone. Penny rolled her eyes and recoiled away. “This bitch. You wouldn’t know if someone had the hots for you if you honeymooned together.” Jade sighed, hanging her head. “Penny, be nice.” After dressing down to our casual clothes, we relocated to the den and got a fire going. A pair of couches diagonally faced toward the fireplace, each with a coffee table in front. Jade and I shared one while Penny and Komithe took the other. Our various methods of sitting couldn’t have been more archetypal: Penny slouched aggressively, with one foot up on the couch while the other dangled off the side, Komithe sat rigidly upright with her hands in her lap, and Jade smiled down at the carpet. “Aren’t we going to look for the ghosts?” asked the cleric, looking over at me. I shrugged and scratched my head. “Nah. I want to savor this. It’s only a matter of time before Lewis comes back and tries to kill us. Hell, there might not even be any ghosts in the first place.” “You really think he’ll do that?” “I’m tellin’ you, he’s a lich.” Jade said nothing, though she was clearly still distressed. I let my head fall back and I stared up at the ceiling for a moment. Nice crown moulding. As I looked back at the others, I noticed Penny slowly closing her eyes as her nostrils began to flare, and then… “HEYESHOO!” Penny doubled over with a loud sneeze, kicking her feet up slightly. Jade yelped in surprise, and even Komithe jumped a little. “Sorry,” groaned Penny as she rubbed her nose. Jade smiled and leaned forward. “Are you allergic to dust, Penny?” she asked, clasping her hands together. “What makes you say that?” Penny replied, continuing to scrub back and forth under her nostrils. “Well, the attic…” “Huh? So? Dust makes me sneeze. Doesn’t mean I’m allergic.” “Okay, if you say so…” “Hey, Penny,” I spoke up, leaning forward myself. “I’ve been meaning to ask you. Jade lives at the temple, and Komithe has a house. Where do you live?” Penny suddenly covered her breasts with her hands and gave an offended gasp. “Why, I never. One does not simply ask a lady where she lives!” “Well, I just did.” “I’ve seen you coming out of the bard’s college a couple times,” Jade interjected. “Are you taking classes there?” Penny’s face tensed for a split second before she put on a smug smile. “Why in the world would I be taking classes there?” “Well, what else would you be doing?” “Uh, ransacking the place, duh.” “Penny! That’s mean! You need to take back whatever you’ve stolen.” “Alright, mom. Sheesh. Komithe, how do you afford that house of yours?” Komithe shifted and crossed her legs, glancing around at all of us before beginning. “My family were nobles who live in a city far from here,” she said, starting to avoid eye contact. “My mother passed away when I was a child, and seven months later, I embarrassed my father at a formal court dinner. He stripped me of the family name, and when he sent me away, he left me with enough money that I would never need to contact him, and thus he would never have to see me again.” I noticed my mouth was hanging open a moment after I realized I’d been staring for far too long. I desperately wanted to say something, and I could tell Penny did too as we shared an awkward glance, but nothing sufficient came to my mind. Jade, however, seemed to be on top of things. She’d started tearing up the moment Komithe mentioned her mother, and by the time the half-elf finished her story, she was struggling to keep her sobbing quiet. “Komithe, I love you!” Jade wailed, throwing herself from one couch to the other and wrapping her arms around our warlock. Komithe’s violet eyes remained distant at first, but after a moment of Jade crying into her chest, she looked down and returned the hug. “Hey, uh, sorry for bringing it up,” said Penny, putting on a surprisingly genuine smile. She then leaned over the side of her couch and produced a large brown bottle. After removing the cork, she handed the bottle out to Komithe. “Here, that deserves a drink. My lucky sauce.” It was subtle, but the corners of Komithe’s lips twitched in a smile of her own. She accepted the bottle, and as Penny gave her a salute with two fingers, she took a sip. Barely half a second after she started, Komithe’s eyes bulged and she doubled over in a coughing fit. Jade released her and leaned away, and Penny took the bottle back as Komithe nearly dropped it. “Strong stuff, isn’t it?” said Penny, suppressing a giggle. “Very,” Komithe replied, blushing and covering her mouth with the back of her hand. Penny grinned and took a swig of her own, violently twisting her head to one side after she swallowed. “Guh! Whew, my sinuses!” Penny wheezed, wrinkling her nose. She offered the bottle to Jade, who frantically waved her hands in refusal. Then, Komithe suddenly twitched with a near-silent hiccup. The three of us stared at her, none quite sure if our ears were deceiving us. When Komithe placed a hand on her collar and hiccuped again, we all leaned in a bit closer. “Uh oh,” chuckled Jade, covering her mouth with her fingertips. “I can’t seem-” Komithe paused to hiccup a third time. “To stop.” “Oh! I know!” said Penny, digging around in her bag again. I placed a palm on my forehead with an utter lack of surprise as she emerged with a large gray and white feather. “Penny, come on,” I groaned, rolling my head back to stare up at the ceiling again. “What?” she asked defensively, scooting toward Komithe. “This’ll work and you know it.” Aside from her continued hiccups, Komithe sat still as Penny reached the feather toward her face. In fact, she hardly reacted even when Penny began to stroke the underside of her nose. First Penny touched the tip of the feather to Komithe’s philtrum and pulled it forward along her wide septum, then after a few repetitions, she started waving the feather back and forth horizontally under Komithe’s long, thin nostrils. Komithe simply hiccuped again, otherwise unfazed. “Aww, come on!” Penny lamented, tracing a circle on Komithe’s septum with the tip of the feather. “You gotta sneeze, Komithe!” The half-elf blinked and continued to stare blankly at Penny. “But I don’t have to… I d-don’t… H-have to…” “A-Ha!” Penny cheered as Komithe’s eyes began to flutter. She tickled even more vigorously while Komithe continued to deny the obvious, even as her breath hitched with increasing urgency. As awkward an experience as this was, I had to admit it was at least a little amusing to watch. “Tickle, tickle, tickle!” Penny teased, stroking the feather up Komithe’s right nostril and then down the left. “I don’t… Hih… H-have… Haah-ave to… I don’t… Have… To sneee-!” Komithe’s listless expression suddenly tensed all at once. With her teeth clenched and her long nose scrunched up tight, she doubled over toward Penny and gave an enormous “HAA-KNXT!” Even Penny herself seemed impressed. “Whoa! Good one, Komithe!” “Ah-knxxt! Ahh… Ha’knx! Hih-knxt! Hih… Heh! Eh’knnxxt!” Unsurprisingly, Komithe continued to sneeze. Jade smiled and rubbed her back, and then she gave Penny an accusing stare. “Penny, look what you did!” “Sorry,” the thief replied, smiling awkwardly. “Alright, come on,” said Jade, helping Komithe to her feet. “Let’s get you freshened up.” “Ah-knxt!” Jade led the sneezing Komithe to one of the washrooms upstairs, leaving me alone with Penny. We made eye contact for a brief second, and she quickly looked away and began to whistle. “Penny, you’re such a…” I trailed off, rubbing my eyes with both hands. When I looked back at her, she simply corked her bottle and tossed it to me. I caught it and took a sip, and- Damn! Yeah, that stuff stings. Not bad, though. Penny and I wordlessly shared her ‘lucky sauce’ for a few minutes until the others returned. Jade and Komithe had changed into their nightgowns, and they’d both done their hair up into casual ponytails. “I’ve managed to stop sneezing,” declared Komithe, gently rubbing back and forth under her nose. “And I bet you stopped hiccuping too!” said Penny, waggling a pair of finger guns toward the warlock. She quickly ceased as Jade scowled at her. “...Sorry.” Komithe closed her eyes and shook her head. “I don’t mind. It’s nice to have... Friends.” Penny, Jade and I all began to smile. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my legs. “I think I speak for all of us when I say we’re glad to have you.” Komithe’s violet eyes sparkled, and she gave me the most adorable smile I’d seen since arriving in this new world. “Thank you.” “Alright. Now, you tell us about yourself,” said Penny, pointing at me with the neck of her bottle. “What? I-” Jade gasped, clapping her hands and bouncing up and down. “Ooh! Yes! What were you like before you were an adventurer?” I waved a hand at her. “Oh, come on. You don’t want to hear it.” “Nope, this is now officially a slumber party,” said Penny, taking another swig from her bottle. “Truth or dare, asshole.” “Alright! Fine... “ I realized I’d never told any of them about what really happened to me. Was I even allowed to? Maybe this was the right time, but I just had this sense of dread about the whole thing, like it was some taboo I was never meant to touch. I don’t know why, Eshena never said anything about that. Then again, there was quite a bit she didn’t tell me about. Perhaps best to play it safe. “Man, where do you even start? I dunno. I feel like I just spent all my time playing games, watching movies…” “What are movies?” asked Komithe, tilting her head to the side. “They’re like… Plays, I guess? Went to see a lot of those. I did have a job, but I never really felt like I was doing anything, you know?” “Ooh! What was your job?” asked Jade. Crap. Uh… Whatever, not like it made sense to me either. “I was a… Data analyst?” “Sounds boring,” Penny interjected, her little nostrils flaring into a pair of large ovals as she yawned. “Yeah, it was,” I chuckled, letting my head fall back. “But that was a long time ago…” “And far, far away…” said Penny. I sat up, and my eyes grew distant. For the first time since I got here, I actually missed my old life. After what felt like an eternity, I finally realized all three of my party members and leaned in closer to me. “Are you crying?” Penny asked, wrinkling her nose. I brought a hand up to my face and realized that I did in fact have tears in my eyes. “Ha, I guess I am.” “What’s wrong?” inquired Komithe. “I just realized I missed Episode Nine,” I choked out as my throat started to tighten. “I didn’t even get to find out what the real title was.” “Is that a ‘movie’?” asked Jade, scooting a bit closer to me. I nodded, making a fist and weakly bringing it up to my mouth. “I left to come here before it got finished, and now I’m never gonna know what happens.” Suddenly, Komithe took my free hand and held it tight. “I’m certain that someday, we’ll all find a way to watch Episode Nine together!” I stared into Komithe’s eyes for as long as I could, and then I covered my face with both hands and began to sob. Jade gave me a soft hug, Komithe patted my head, and Penny… “Holy shit. Okay, that’s it. I’m done. Goodnight, bunch’a saps.” I looked up to find Penny walking toward the stairs with her bag over her shoulder, but she was smiling all the same. Jade glared after her, but I gave her a pat on the back and shook my head. “Nah, she’s right. We should get some sleep. How about you guys take the bathrooms first.” We all gathered up our things and picked out bedrooms with surprisingly little squabble. Penny took the one closest to the stairs, and after undressing down to her shirt, she threw herself onto the bed and began to snore almost immediately. Meanwhile, I claimed the bedroom at the end of the hall while I waited for the others to freshen up. It was a pretty nice room: big bed, plus a nice desk and a comfy chair. I kicked my feet back and forth over the end of the bed while I listened to the sound of running water, and once it stopped, I waited another couple minutes to give the ladies time to get back to their rooms. Stepping out into the hall, I made my way to the nearest bathroom. I snorted with laughter when I noticed a line of salt drawn on the floor in front the bedroom next to mine: that must have been Jade’s. I guess Komithe ended up taking the tower. Upon entering the bathroom, it finally dawned on me just how much I’d been taking for granted. Despite this world’s pre-industrial level of technology, they had mastered indoor plumbing. Sinks, showers, toilets, the works. I don’t think I would have lasted one day here if I hadn’t been able to pull the ol’ flush lever. Once I finished freshening up, I returned to my bedroom and pulled on a plain shirt and boxer shorts. I turned out the lights and laid down on the bed, but before I could even close my eyes, I heard a thud through the wall. It wasn’t coming from Jade’s room, but rather the study, across the hall from her. It was probably nothing, but I picked up my sword just in case, holding it by the scabbard as I left my room. Upon entering the study, I recognized Penny’ silhouette almost immediately. Rolling my eyes, I leaned against the door frame and tapped the wall with the pommel of my sword. “Penny, what did I say about stealing? And I thought you were tired! Come on- GAH!” Penny swung around to face me, and her eyes glowed a bright, sickly green. I couldn’t bring myself to draw my sword against her, but I held it up defensively, sheath and all. “Penny?” Her head wobbling limply from side to side, she began to lumber toward me. “Penny, come on. Stop it. Penny, stop-!” Letting out a hollow groan, Penny reached out her arms. I lightly swatted at her with my sword, but she grabbed it and tore it out of my hands with a surprising degree of strength. Then, she quickened her pace and lunged forward, barely giving me time to back out into the corridor. “Jade! Jade, get up!” I cried, pounding on her door. I heard her scream from the other side, and she opened up just in time for me to tear into the room with Penny in hot pursuit. Jade shrieked and ran out into the hall as soon as Penny was out of the way. At least that gave me more room to maneuver. I leapt over the bed, and as soon as Penny tried to do the same, I ran back around to the other side and flipped the mattress on top of her. That would probably only hold her for a few seconds, but anything to gain some distance. “What’s going on!? Was that Penny!?” yelped Jade as I leapt back into the corridor. “I don’t know! And yes! No, I don’t know what to do next!” I explained as I grabbed her hand and ran toward the stairs. I held on tight as we jumped up the steps three at a time, and I finally let go once we reached the attic landing. “Komithe! You better not have slept through all that-!” My words were lost to the void when I emerged into the tower bedroom. A cloud of glowing green smoke hovered a foot above the bed, bathing the room in its light. Komithe laid almost perfectly still as two gaseous tendrils wormed their way into her flaring nostrils, though I could see her facial muscles twitch intermittently. “Hey! Stop it! Piece’a shit!” I grumbled, climbing onto the bed and wildly waving my arms through the smoke. Try as I might, the cloud always managed to reform itself as more and more of it continued flowing into Komithe’s nose. I began to jump up and down, my feet on either side of her body, hoping that would finally be enough to wake her. “Come! On! Get! Up!” Komithe lurched, but to my dismay I could tell it was only the motion of the mattress shaking her. Before I could come up with another plan, something grabbed me from behind and hurled me through the air. As I tumbled to the floor, I saw Penny standing over me, and there was no sign of Jade. “Agh, shit!” I grumbled, rolling away as Penny tried to grapple me. There was nothing I could do for Komithe with her around, so I ran back down the stairs and flung the door to the attic open, hoping to find Jade again. Penny struggled with the descent, but that just gave me plenty of time to realize I’d trapped myself at a dead end. As Penny stumbled through the doorway, I noticed a large sheet draped over a mannequin to my right. Penny lunged forward, and I pulled the sheet off the mannequin and threw it over her. While she struggled to free herself, I noticed the mannequin had an absolutely horrifying face, with realistic eyes and lips. I yelped and pushed it over, just so I wouldn’t have to look at it anymore. Unfortunately, that took just long enough that Penny managed to hurl the sheet away, leaving me trapped once again. Or at least, that’s what I thought… “Heh-Hehh-Hehhh-!” A haze of dust lingered in place of the sheet, and Penny’s breath began to heave as the tiny particles tickled her nostrils. Her head reared back and her eyes clenched shut, obscuring the green glow. Then, after an agonizing few seconds… “HEYEESHOOOOO!!!” A mass of green smoke sprayed out of Penny’s nose as she gave an enormous sneeze. She doubled over so far that when she tried to right herself, she stumbled back and fell right on her ass. Fortunately the smoke dissipated quickly, leaving no trace after just a few seconds. Placing her hands on the floor on either side of herself, Penny sat up and coughed once. “Oh man. What the hell?” Penny moaned, keeping her eyes clenched shut. “Penny! You’re back!” I exclaimed, rushing to her side. She began to furiously rub her nose, but she stopped after only a few repetitions and made a disgusted face. “Guh! I feel like I just sneezed out a ghost.” I blinked. “Wow, I… Wow. I think that’s actually what you just did.” Penny stared at me incredulously, but she quickly scrunched up her face again and resumed rubbing her nose. “Ugh. Stupid ghost. Tickly nose. Frickin’- Huh… Heh! HeyeeSHOO!” Once Penny was back on her feet, we heard the sound of footsteps coming down from above. Sure enough, Komithe emerged from the stairwell, her eyes glowing the same green as Penny’s had before. I had a feeling the two of us could restrain her without too much difficulty, but I wasn’t sure how we could get the ghost out of her this time. Then, I noticed Penny looking back over her shoulder at something to my right. A big hat was placed on top of a crate, and as luck would have it, a long, sharp feather was nestled in the band. Penny and I shared a nod, and then we sprang into action. I skipped toward the hat and awkwardly leaned over the piles of knick-knacks in the way. Once I had a grip on it, I plucked the feather out and tossed the hat away. At the same time, Penny let Komithe get a little closer, and when the half-elf swung at her, she deftly slid underneath and grabbed her from behind. Komithe struggled to break free, but in her current state she was too clumsy to do any more than throw her weight around. “Sorry Komithe!” I said, cringing as I reached the feather toward her face. It was hard to stay on target as she kept moving her head around, but eventually I managed to get a good rhythm going. Komithe’s brow knitted, then her long nose slowly began to crinkle up as I tickled her nostrils with the tip of the feather. “Ah…!” she hitched, her glowing eyes falling shut. I kept going, feeling increasingly self-conscious about the whole affair, but fortunately it didn’t take long. “Ihh… Hih! Aht-! AH-KNNSHHOO!!!” Two sheets of smoke billowed out of Komithe’s slit-like nostrils, and once she was finished, she immediately gave another much smaller “Ah-knxxt!” Penny released her, and then we both scrambled to catch her as her knees wobbled. Komithe’s head fell back against Penny’s shoulder and she weakly opened her violet eyes. “Gesundheit,” Penny said with a smile. Komithe tried to smile back, but she almost immediately frowned and scrunched up her face. Penny chuckled sympathetically as Komithe firmly rubbed a finger back and forth across her nostrils, bending the base of her long nose from side to side. “Whew, man. I’m glad you two are okay,” I panted, slapping a palm to my forehead. The three of us smiled at each other for a moment, and then we all went tense with a sudden realization. “Where’s Jade?” Penny, Komithe and I said in unison. We scrambled over each other in an attempt to get out of the attic and down the stairs, and with no sign of Jade in the second floor corridor, we kept going down to the entryway. The moment we hit the ground floor, a shrill scream shot through the house from above us. “Okay, back up! Back up!” I muttered, turning around and lightly pushing Penny and Komithe into the stairway once more. This time we actually checked the second floor, and sure enough, Jade was flat on her back in her bedroom. The last few wisps of green smoke disappeared into her nose just as she came into view, and by now we all knew what that meant. Penny and Komithe carefully restrained Jade on the floor, and I held up a finger as I figured out what to do. “Hang on, I’ll be right back!” I sprinted down to the den, grabbing a chair from the dining room table on my way. I hurled the chair through one of the den’s large windows, though I noticed it was actually a sliding door as I got a bit closer. Shrugging to myself, I leaned outside and grabbed the biggest, most obnoxious flower I could find. I ran back up the stairs as quickly as I could. When I arrived at the bedroom, Jade was struggling rather pathetically against Penny and Komithe. Not wanting to waste any time, I sat on the floor beside Jade’s head, turned the flower upside down, and placed the large blossom over her nose. She continued to writhe around for a moment, but the pollen took hold of her surprisingly quickly. “Ah… Ah-Ahh-Ahhh… Aaahhh-!” Jade’s back arched away from the floor, and Penny and Komithe let go of her out of sympathy. The earth genasi remained frozen in place for a moment, and then she thrust herself all the way up into a sitting position with a high-pitched “ACK-CHHYEEEEW!!!” Once the last of the green smoke had been expelled from Jade’s nose, she slumped back and I placed my hands on her shoulders to catch her. She struggled to open her eyes at first, but she was soon back to normal. “Hey, Jade,” I said softly, massaging her shoulders. She scrunched up her face and lightly shook her head, and then she began to rub a finger back and forth under her nostrils. “Ooh, my nose is itchy!” Jade whined, sounding a bit loopy. Komithe smiled and scooted closer. “Mine too,” said the half-elf, starting to rub under her own nose as well. Penny and I chuckled at them as they carried on for a moment, but eventually our dear thief suffered the same fate. “Ugh! Now mine is too!” Penny complained, scrubbing her nostrils back and forth. I tried to suppress a laugh as my three party members all rubbed her noses simultaneously, but once an audible chuckle escaped me, they stopped. All three of them glared at me, fingers still pressed to their nostrils. “How come all of us got possessed and you didn’t?” demanded Penny, putting on her old stink-eye face that I had once forgotten. “Hey, come on. I-” I held up my hands defensively, and as I did, I spotted a gold ring with a little purple gem on my finger. Guess I’d had it for so long that I already forgot I was wearing it. Focusing in on it, I turned my hand over to examine the ring further. “My ring of mind shielding,” I mumbled to myself as we all stood up. Jade and Komithe seemed to have gotten over their frustration with my good luck, but Penny continued to scowl at me with her left eyebrow raised to high heaven. “You better swallow that thing if you want to keep it,” she growled, blocking me in the doorway after the other two had left. “And even then, that won’t keep it from me for long.” Before turning away, Penny reached behind my back and jabbed me just below the waist and right above my- Okay you know what? Uncalled for. It’s my ring of mind shielding. My precious. We took a few minutes to collect ourselves. It was barely past two in the morning and we’d already had one hell of a night. Remembering my sword was somewhere in the study, I went to find it first thing after taking a rest. The scabbard had been flung to one side of the room while the sword itself was on the other, but all in all, it was still in good shape. Then, moments after I sheathed my sword, I heard a knock at the front door. All four of us simultaneously arrived at the entryway, though no one moved to open the door just yet. I supposed if they really wanted to get in, the window slash door in the den was wide open for them. Eh, whatever. After sharing a nod of agreement with my party, I leaned my sword against the wall and opened the house’s front door to find none other than Lewis, smiling smugly at me with his hands in his pockets. “Sup, d-hole. We found your ghosts.” Lewis closed his eyes and chuckled. “Oh, did you? Or did they find you? In either case, I’m afraid it’s time these monkeyshines came to an end.” When Lewis opened his eyes, the irises glowed yellow and his silvery hair began to billow. Called it. “Your doom is upon you, and none of you were the wiser! I thought it must have been so obvious, but not one of you fools managed to foresee that I am Sascadh, Grand Unholy-” Grabbing Lewis by his cravat, I yanked him forward until he was balancing on his toes. “Lich please.” I hurled Lewis inside, slamming the door shut behind him. Then, the four of us proceeded to beat the shit out of him, all while still wearing our nighties. Once the lich was reduced to a pile of ash on the floor, I grabbed a broom, swept his remains outside, and joined my party back in the den. “So…” I mumbled, feeling like I might nod off at any second. “What was up with those ghosts? And what happens to the house now?” As if on cue, I felt an otherworldly presence behind me. Jade, Penny, Komithe and I rose to our feet and turned to find three nearly-identical ghostly women standing behind us. They glowed the same green as the smoke from earlier, and while I had no doubt that these were the same entities we had encountered, I sensed that they meant us no harm. The ghosts clasped their hands in front of their waists and bowed. “Thank you,” they said in unison, and then the center figure stepped forward. “This house has been our family’s home for generations, but regrettably, we can no longer make it such. Since you have freed us from the lich’s grasp, we believe it would be just to leave it in your care.” I felt something in my hand that hadn’t been there before. Looking down, I found myself grasping a roll of paper. I had a feeling I knew what it was, but first thing’s first. “Hey, thanks-” When I looked back up at the ghosts, they had vanished without a trace. Unable to stop myself from smiling, I took a deep breath and held the paper to my chest. Then, I finally unrolled it to take a look. Just as I suspected, it was the deed to the Bell End Estate, signed over to me in green ink by Meredith, Vivian and Alyssa Bell. “Wow,” I breathed, holding the paper to my chest again. I turned to my party to find them all smiling in kind. “You know what that means?” Penny immediately stepped up onto one of the couches, one foot on the cushions and the other on top of the backrest. Holding up her bottle of lucky sauce, she turned her face to the ceiling. “Animal House!” A book suddenly flew in through the broken sliding door, hitting Penny in the side and knocking her off the couch. “Would you people SHUT UP!?” ----- Thanks for reading, everyone! I really hope you enjoyed this one. As always any feedback or criticism is much appreciated, and see you soon for the finale! Link to comment
47Bears Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 This really is giving me my Konosuba fix. You managed to keep the characters all unique but I still get reminded of its inspiration. It’s really nice, lovable and funny. Great story Link to comment
mysterysneeze Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 @Blah!? Thank you for showing your story and taking time replying to the comments! I have been watching more anime lately but still haven't seen too many shows. I haven't seen Konosuba or Relife, but I have seen some clips from both shows and just recently Konosuba got an English dub. If you want to send a note, I'd love to hear some anime shows you enjoy that are from this isekai genre. I want to start watching a few different series but there are a lot more shows than I have time to watch. There are so many anime shows! The part you wrote here has a lot packed into it. Honestly, I love it! There are scenes in this part that remind me a lot of some of my personal favorite stories that are on the forum. Having a sneeze be a solution to a problem is a great idea! I think you did a good job writing different situations for each character. One thing that worked on a character wouldn't automatically work on a different one. He had to figure out what would work best for each individual. I loved that the sneezes were used to help them get out of possession! The smoke reminded me of a few different things. I like that the ghosts themselves talked after they were freed from the lich...speaking of the lich, I think it is hilarious that it was so obvious to the main character who he was, but the rest didn't figure it out or want to believe it until the end. Being destroyed while wearing nightwear XD I love Jade's sweet personality, Komithe's straightforward honesty, and Penny's energy. It startled me when Komithe sneezed so strongly, but I was happy her sneeze happened that way. Her denial about her need to sneeze was a cute detail when Penny tried to help cure her hiccups. Honestly that entire scene was a lot of fun to read! The awesome thing to me about an isekai genre is there is no limit to the variety of different species and characters that could have a sneezy misadventure happen to them. Ghosts, various monsters, elves, oni girl characters, fairies, humans, ninjas, mermaids, genies, thieves, knights, royalty, maids, even goddesses like the beginning of your story here. ^^ Each sneeze scene had detail and was a part of the story. I really like that with this and other stories you have written, the characters and world itself are more important than the sneezes. The sneezes happen because of the characters, not just sneezes happen for the sake of sneezes. Link to comment
Blah!? Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 @Yamiterasu Glad you're still enjoying it! Chapter 4 is probably the closest thing I have to a direct Konosuba reference, given the whole haunted house thing and all that, but this was always meant to be an isekai-type story in general, never anything specific to Konosuba. I'm really happy with the characters, and I'm pleased I managed to keep them from becoming direct references to any particular anime characters in their entirety. A few borrowed elements here and there, yes, but I like to think they're at least kind of their own people. @mysterysneeze Incorporating sneezing into the plot of a story is something I've always kind of struggled with. I think part of the reason chapter 4 is my favorite of them is because I finally found a way to do it that I really enjoyed. Usually it's just something like a regular story and one or two characters have allergies or a cold for totally unrelated reasons. That suits me perfectly fine, but being able to get the right blend is really the ideal. And so we arrive at chapter 5. This is the end of the story for now, though I do hope that I'll be able to come back to this setting eventually. I just need to have the right ideas for a plot and the right direction to take the characters in. Until then, enjoy... ----- Chapter 5 Six months had passed since I arrived in this new world. I’d gotten used to things pretty quickly, though I had to admit I still didn’t actually know the name of the town I’d been living in this whole time. To me it was just ‘Town.’ In any case, while I occasionally reminisced about certain aspects of my old life, I never really felt homesick. I suppose I had my new friends to thank for that. Jade, Penny and Komithe were all excited for the upcoming Summer Festival. It was going to span almost the entire town, filling the streets with games, food and other attractions. I didn’t know much about it beyond that, but it sounded like fun. If nothing else, it had to be better than those damn parking lot carnivals from my old life. In the week leading up to it, we put some extra time into questing so we could just take the whole day off. I didn’t exactly have much of a morning routine, so once the day of the festival rolled around, I just waited in the den while the others scrambled to get ready. The first to join me was Penny. While she’d ditched most of her armor and equipment, I noticed she still had her warhorn and one of her daggers at her hips. By this point I knew better than to try convincing her she wouldn’t need those either. “I’m going to eat everything,” she moaned, stretching out on the couch across from me. I smirked, but before I could challenge Penny to an eating contest, Jade flew down the stairs and slid into the den on her socks. She usually wore her chainmail and robe even on off days, so I was a bit surprised to see her dressed in a plain blouse and skirt instead. “Oh, this is going to be so fun!” she squealed. “This’ll be your first Summer Festival, right Jim?” “Yeah.” “Did you have festivals where you lived before?” “Oh, sure. They kinda sucked, though. Except for the food. You guys have corn dogs here?” Jade cocked her head to the side and smiled awkwardly. “What’s a… Corn dog?” “Shame,” I groaned, letting my head fall over the couch’s backrest. Hearing the sound of footsteps coming from above, I turned to look at the staircase past the entryway. I felt my mouth hang open as Komithe emerged wearing a lavender yukata with a purple flower design. As she drew closer, I noticed her hair was up in a little bun as well. Before she passed the kitchen, however, she stopped and brought a finger up to her nostrils. “Ah-knxt!” Komithe sneezed softly, her head bobbing downward. Her eyes opened weakly, but before she had time to fully recover, her breath hitched and she gave another “Ha-knx!” “Bless you!” cooed Jade. “Are you okay?” “I have a cold,” Komithe replied, gently sliding her index finger across the underside of her nose. Jade gasped, covering her mouth with her hands. “Oh no! You caught a cold for the Summer Festival? Do you need to rest? Would you like me to stay in with you?” Komithe closed her eyes and shook her head. “It isn’t too bad. I’d still like to go out, if that’s alright.” “Of course,” I said with a smile as I stood up from the couch. Penny yawned obnoxiously, but she too returned to her feet and we made our way out the door. Bell End looked pretty much the same, but once Main Street came into view, the town changed before our eyes. Booths and stalls lined both sides of the road, banners and flags hung from every lamp post, and the air seemed to be about three percent confetti wherever you looked. There didn’t appear to be any sort of theme, everything was a mishmash of different styles. Seemed like a perfectly excellent festival to me. A pair of elf girls stood halfway up the lamp posts on either side of Main Street as we turned at the intersection. They reached out toward us as we passed, placing a flower crown on each of our heads. Penny immediately removed hers and flung it off into the sky like a frisbee, and Komithe and I politely deposited ours on an unoccupied table once we were out of sight of the elves. Funnily enough, the only one of us who kept theirs was Jade. “Here, I’ll get that for you,” said Penny, reaching for Jade’s flower crown. The earth genasi immediately brought up her hands to shield her head. “No!” Penny rolled her eyes, leaving her fingertips hovering just short of the crown. “Jade, you know flowers make you sneeze.” “No! It was a gift!” Penny threw up her hands and stepped away. “Fine. But I don’t wanna hear about it when you start-” “Ha-CHEEW!” “...Sneezing.” After a few minutes of walking, the town square came into view. A large circus tent had been set up in the middle of the open area, and it was surrounded by countless smaller ones in varying colors. The edge of the square was lined with food stalls, and a stage had been set up in front of the town hall. “So, what are we gonna do?” I asked, glancing around at the others. Penny smirked, putting her hands on her hips. “The question isn’t what are we going to do, the question is what aren’t we going to do?” Naturally our first order of business was getting something to eat. We all split up and headed to different stalls so we could pick out our preferred breakfast-inappropriate festival food, and then we reconvened at the open seating in front of the stage. They may not have had corn dogs, but they did have fried dough, so I was satisfied. Once I finished, I got up to throw away my paper plate. On the way back, I noticed a small tent tucked away next to the temple. It was made of a white canvas with blue and gold trim, the same color as Jade’s usual robes, as well as the temple itself. Out of curiosity, I walked over to it and read the sign posted outside. It seemed they were holding a raffle, and whoever won could commune directly with a deity and ask any one question. “Oh, yeah, the temple does this every year,” Jade explained, stepping up beside me with the others in tow. “You get tickets from playing games around the festival. I’ve never won.” “Can’t say I have anything that needs answering anyway,” said Penny, clasping her hands behind her head. It was stupid really, but I couldn’t get it off my mind. I don’t know why I even cared at this point. It hadn’t mattered in any way in the past six months, but part of me still wanted to know how I died in my old life. Just for the sake of closure, I suppose. “Do you have something you’d like to ask?” Komithe inquired, cocking her head slightly to the side. I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. It’s not that important, though. We don’t have to-” “Hey,” Penny interrupted, placing a hand on my shoulder. “If you got somethin’, then go for it.” I sighed and hung my head, but I smiled all the same. “Thanks.” “Ooh, I know!” yipped Jade, driving a fist into the palm of her other hand. “We can all help out! We’ll all get tickets, and if any of us win, we’ll give it to you!” I looked around at my party members, feeling a lump in my throat. “You sure?” I asked, scratching the back of my head. Jade gave a toothy smile and thrust a hand in the air. “You bet!” “Alright. Thank you. So, uh… Where do we start?” Aside from the circus and stage, virtually everything around the town square was food. We departed the area in search of games, and after crossing the river that ran through the town, we came across something promising. The buildings thinned out and eventually gave way to a large, grassy field still well within the town’s outer wall. Normally this area was a wide open park, but it had been taken over almost completely by the festival. With nothing else to go on, I approached to the first game I came across. A man in a straw hat sat behind a folding table, topped with a sign that read “Find the beetle in the haystack!” Sure enough, a dozen piles of hay were arranged in rows behind the table, and a trio of carved wooden beetles sat in front of the man, painted gold to fit with the theme. “How about this?” I suggested. “Says it’s fifty tickets if we find the thing.” “It’s not a real beetle, is it?” asked Jade, nervously peeking out from behind Komithe. I shrugged. “Nah, looks like they’re just these little carved things.” “Alright, if you say so…” I tossed five gold to the man at the table, and without even looking up, he gestured to the haystack immediately behind him. Real polite. Whatever, not like it mattered. The four of us stepped around the table, and then we immediately tore into the thing. “Hh-heh… HeyeSHOO!” Penny doubled over with a loud sneeze, but after dragging her nostrils across her left forearm, she quickly returned to digging through the hay. It was almost kind of funny how all of us were concentrating so hard on this inane task that we never spoke to each other throughout the whole thing. Or at least, most of it. “Heh! HeyeeSHOOO!” “Bless you, Penny!” giggled Jade. Penny responded with an annoyed groan. “Where the hell is this stupid thih… Hih! HeyeeSHOO! Heh-Hehh… HEYEESHOOOO!!!” After a particularly big sneeze, Penny growled and jerked her head back over to the table. Her blue eyes went wide and she threw her hands up in the air. “This thing isn’t gold, it’s yellow! It’s the same color as the damn heh… Heh! HEYESHOOOO!!!” Penny stomped around to the other side of the haystack, putting it between her and the man at the table. I followed to see what was up to, and after taking a quick look around to make sure no one else was nearby, Penny hunched over and whispered “Locate Object.” Once again her eyes widened in rage. “Son of a bitch! It does move around!” she said through gritted teeth. “Alright, come here you piece of-!” I tried not to laugh as Penny shoved her whole upper body into the haystack. Eventually Jade and Komithe both joined me behind her as we watched her furiously thrash around. Then, she suddenly stopped. “I got it! Ihh… Hih! HeyeeSHOO! Heh! HeyeeSHOOO! Eh-Hhh… Hehh! HEYEESHOOOO!!!” Penny stumbled out of the haystack and fell back on her butt, continuing to sneeze helplessly. Jade knelt down beside her, placing a comforting hand on the thief’s shoulder. Komithe took the beetle, which as far as I could tell was still an inert piece of painted wood, and exchanged it for our prize. Once she returned with a roll of tickets, Penny finally managed to stop sneezing. “Are you okay, Penny?” asked Jade as they rose to their feet. Penny took a moment to scrunch up her face and rub harshly back and forth under her nose. She paused, gave an irritated “guh…” and resumed rubbing again. Eventually Penny reared up and gave one last powerful “HEYESHOOO!”, which seemed to finally clear her head. “Ugh, stuffy nose. I think all this hay is giving me hay fever,” Penny complained, continuing to rub under her nostrils. Jade smiled sympathetically and patted her on the back, starting to lead her away. “It’s okay, you did a good job. We don’t have to do that one again.” “Though that was a remarkably simple way to get this many tickets,” Komithe observed. I shrugged and grinned awkwardly. “I don’t think we were supposed to actually win. Probably best if we don’t push our luck.” “Why don’t we split up?” suggested Penny. She was still rubbing her nose even though we’d long since left the hay behind. It must have really been getting to her. “Yeah, we might have better luck with a bunch of different smaller games,” Jade agreed. The four of us shared a nod, and then Penny and Komithe went their separate ways. Jade and I took a bit longer to decide where we each wanted to go, and before we parted, I spotted something that made me laugh. “Hey Jade, they got a haunted house,” I chuckled, pointing at a nearby building. Jade clenched her eyes shut and shook her head. “Nooo!” she whined, shaking a few petals loose from her flower crown. She then reared back her head and gave a high-pitched “Ha-Cheew!” I mostly meant the haunted house remark as a joke, but once Jade recovered from her sneeze, she actually took a few steps toward it. I raised my eyebrows in surprise as I followed her, and once I caught up, she turned to me and jabbed a finger at the building. “Look! It says you get ten tickets if you make it through without screaming!” “You wanna do it?” “Yes!” Jade gave me a determined stare, and I briefly glanced back and forth between her and the building. It looked pretty normal from the outside, but I supposed maybe that was the point. “You don’t think I can?” Jade asked pitifully, giving me her big ol’ puppy dog eyes. “Wait, I-” “Well, I’m going to try!” she declared, puffing out her cheeks in a pout. “Whether you come with me or not!” Jade faced the haunted house, took one step toward it, and then she turned back around again. “Please come with me.” Jade and I made our way inside, and at first it seemed to be nothing more than a long, featureless corridor. Even still, once we’d gotten a bit away from the light coming in through the door, Jade drew a startled breath and wrapped her arms around my elbow. I gave her a smile, though she didn’t seem to be paying any attention to me aside from keeping me in her bubble. She was too busy trying to keep her composure, and… “Ah-Cheeew!” Bending at the waist, Jade tugged on my arm gently as she sneezed. As she straightened up, she brought one hand up to her face and gently rubbed a finger back and forth under her upturned nose. “Oh no, not now,” she whined, closing her eyes and sniffing harshly. “Ah… Ah-Ahh-Ahhh… Ha-Chyeew!” “We can get rid of that flower crown if you want,” I suggested. Jade rubbed her nose again and sighed. “I guess maybe I should. I’ll take it off once we get through, I don’t want to just leave it in here. And it’s so cute, though! Ah-Ahh-! Ah-CHEEW!” “It does look pretty cuAAGH!” Something suddenly shot out of the wall to my left and hit me squarely in the forehead. Jade’s throat made a noise, but she refused to let herself scream. I stumbled back, covering my forehead with my left hand, and my jaw dropped once I got a look at what had hit me. It was just a stupid drawing of a ghost on a spring-loaded arm! What the hell!? “Stupid frakkin’! Gah! Frrrerrrghh!” I slapped the ghost in the face, causing it to violently swing back and forth on its hinge. Jade giggled at me until she sneezed another “Aah-Cheew!”, and then we continued on our way. I was tempted to move farther away from the wall in case anything popped out again, but I realized that would just put Jade in danger of being hit from the right-side wall. While I was thinking of her, I noticed she hadn’t sneezed in a while, but I could clearly hear her sniffing and snuffling. I glanced over at her to find her alternating between rubbing back and forth under her nostrils and scrunching them up and down. “You okay?” “Stuffy nose,” Jade replied, breathing through her mouth. “I love flowers. Why can’t they just love me back? Ah… Ahh-haah… Aaahhh-!” I gave an amused smile as Jade reared up for a sneeze, but something from the end of the corridor caught my eye. There was a brief white flash in the darkness, and then a skeletal figure wearing a ragged cloak appeared. I was sure it was an illusion, especially given how it stood perfectly still, but I nearly jumped out of my skin when it suddenly careened toward us. My eyes widened and I recoiled, but I managed to keep myself from screaming outright. Jade, on the other hand… “Ah-Ahh-Ahhh-! Ack-CHYEEEEW!!!” Just as the illusion passed through us, Jade doubled over with a big sneeze. I hate to admit it, but that was probably for the best. There’s a good chance she would have screamed if she actually saw what just happened. But, luck was on our side, and Jade managed to sneeze herself to the finish line with nary a scream to be heard. We turned left at the end of the hall, and we found ourselves in a small room with a door that led back outside. A half-orc girl sat on a stool in the corner, reading a book and ignoring us. “Hey,” I said, holding up a hand. The half-orc’s eyes flicked to me for a second before returning to her book. “We hope you enjoyed your stay, please come again,” she said flatly, turning the page. Wow, rude. “We’d like our tickets, please,” I continued, taking a step toward her. “Sorry, but you screamed.” A vein popped in my forehead, which still hurt, by the way. “You hit me in the face with a wooden board!” I exclaimed, jabbing a finger at my hairline. “There’s nothing in the rules that says we can’t hit you in the face with a wooden board.” I threw up my hands and stormed off toward the door, but the sound of Jade’s voice stopped me in my tracks. “Well, I’d like my tickets, please,” she said, courteous as ever. The half-orc blinked. “You screamed too.” “I… I did?” asked Jade, absently scratching at the side of her chin. “Just then at the end. You went ‘eeeeeee.’” Jade glanced off to the side, then she suddenly gave a start and began to blush. “Oh! That wasn’t a scream, I actually just… Sneezed.” “Sounded like a scream to me.” When the half-orc dismissed her, I was ready to comfort Jade if she decided to drop it. Turns out I had nothing to worry about. “Well, it wasn’t,” said Jade, putting her foot down. “I would like my tickets, please, because the only time I screamed is right now!” Wow, way to go Jade. That still wasn’t really much of a scream, though. More of a mild scolding. Still, it seemed to have the desired effect. The half-orc was startled at first, but in the end she set down her book and tore ten tickets off the roll in her lap. “Fine. Here you go, crazy lady.” Jade took the high road and ignored her, but I decided to have some fun. I carefully plucked the flower crown from Jade’s head, and then I snapped my wrist toward the half-orc and flung the thing right into her face. She spluttered and nearly fell off her stool, and at the same time I did a half squat and jabbed both pointer fingers at her. “Twenty points!” I declared before grabbing Jade’s hand and sprinting out of the building. I looked back to find her pouting at me as we ran. “Jim, that was mean!” “Yeah! It was! But it was fun!” We kept running until we were back at the town square. Jade and I stopped to catch our breath, and we shortly began to laugh at each other. “Man, that was the stupidest haunted house I’ve ever seen,” I said, stretching my arms out above my head. “It was like one damn hallway.” “I thought it was scary!” Jade protested between giggles. “Thanks for doing it with me.” “No problem-” A firework shot up from the stage behind the circus tent, and it went off surprisingly low to the ground. The loud crack! made me jump, but Jade simply couldn’t contain herself anymore. She shrieked and took off running again, waving her arms up and down. “Jade, wait! Come back!” I called, trying to keep up with her, but Jade’s fight or flight response knew no equal. I quickly lost her in the crowd and I came to a stop, not sure where to go. The tavern wasn’t too far away, maybe she went there. As I stepped through the door, there seemed to be even more hullabaloo than usual. I suppose that was to be expected given the festival, but as I approached the bar, I quickly discovered exactly why. Just like the day of our first quest together, Penny was arm-wrestling a man three times her size. This wasn’t just a usual match for pride and drinks, however. A sandwich board was stood up beside the table, proclaiming anyone who could defeat the tavern’s champion would win a whole hundred tickets. “Alright, Penny!” I cheered, nudging my way through the crowd until I was as close as I could get. Penny looked up and gave me a wink, and then she turned all her attention back to the task at hand. The audience gasped as the scales tipped against Penny, and then people gradually began to cheer as she took back her lost ground. Just as she was about to claim victory, however, her eyes grew distant and her nostrils flared. “Hh-heh…” Penny’s grip almost faltered as her breath hitched, and she only lasted a few more seconds before unleashing a loud “HeyeeSHOOO!” that cost her the match. The man sitting opposite her immediately released his grip when the back of Penny’s hand touched the table, and then he triumphantly threw up his arms and stomped over to the bar. “Oh, come on! That’s a do-over!” I shouted, a few of the other patrons echoing my sentiment. “I lost fair and square,” said Penny as she stood up and walked over to me. “In arm wrestling, your opponent is your own body.” I blinked. “I’m… Pretty sure your opponent is your opponent. Though honestly, I expected to find you having a drinking contest here anyway.” Penny’s eyes widened at my suggestion, and then an evil smirk fell across her face. She wagged a finger at me, and then she made her way over to the bar. Slipping in beside the man who had just bested her, she laid a hand on the counter and leaned in close. “So, you beat me at the table. Keep your hundred tickets. But, I bet you two hundred tickets that I can beat you at the bar!” The massive bearded man glared at Penny, but he soon began to smile. The two of them shook hands, and once Penny was seated, a new challenge began. The bartender poured out two glasses of beer, and after clinking them together, Penny and her opponent began to chug. I- Wait. We didn’t even have two hundred tickets. Empty glasses stacked up toward the ceiling, and I found myself questioning how the tavern had this many of them. Maybe this sort of thing happened a lot. This went on for so long that even some of the most enthusiastic patrons were getting board and leaving. I’d completely lost track of time, and I couldn’t even begin to count how many drinks they’d gone through. Fortunately, I turned out to have nothing to worry about. Penny’s opponent swallowed another beer in what seemed like a single gulp, but instead of placing the empty glass on the bar, he continued to slowly tip back. He tumbled off his barstool, and after staring at him on the floor for a few seconds, the audience cheered wildly. The bartender slid a fat wad of tickets across the counter, and Penny promptly slapped her hand down on top of them and stood up. She brought her warhorn up to her lips, but it slipped through her fingers at the last moment, leaving her blowing into the air. “I’m th’best! Around!” she slurred, her voice cracking. Penny very nearly fell over as she stepped away from the bar, so I took her hand, picked up her warhorn and helped her outside. The sky was getting dark, and while the festival was still going, things were starting to quiet down just a bit. Penny and I sat down on a bench in front of a fountain, and she promptly snuggled up against me. “Here’s your money, sir,” blurted Penny, shoving the pile of tickets onto my lap. I picked them up and began to organize them into something easier to carry. Penny hiccuped, and then despite her inebriation, she began to whistle a catchy little tune. “Hey, you’re pretty good at that.” Penny hiccuped again and twisted her head around to glare at me. “S’cuz I’m a bard, dipshit. Thought you were mah’ friend…” I raised an eyebrow at her. “When we first met, you threatened to leave me tied up in a goblin cave if I called you a bard.” Penny scowled and slapped me on the shoulder. “Who you callin’ bard? No. No. Wait. Hang on. M’not a bard. Okay I’m a bard, but I’m not. Yes. No. Why- I just- Okay, I’m a bard, but I’m a thief. Hey. Hey! Shut up! Can’t we just agree… Can’t we just agree, that I, am a thief. Who likes. Music?” Penny hadn’t quite crawled on top of me, but she gradually leaned closer and closer during that whole little rant. Unable to avoid eye contact with her, I smiled awkwardly. “Yes?” “Mmmgood! Now, I… Hehh… Eh-hhh-! HeyeeSHOOO!” Penny sneezed in my face and immediately began to laugh. She snorted once, sat up, pointed at me as she continued to laugh, and then she slowly laid down on the bench, placing her head on the armrest opposite me with a throaty “Urrgh…” As Penny giggled quietly, the town’s clocktower began to ring out the hour. It fell silent after the ninth chime, and a smile immediately spread across my face. I was never much of a singer, but I just couldn’t help myself. “It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday…” “The regular crowd shuffles in.” Wait, hang on. “There’s an old man sittin’ next to me, makin’ love to his tonic and gin.” “Penny, how do you...?” By the time the words left my mouth, Penny had fallen asleep. I took a deep breath and sighed, gently patting Penny on the leg after I finished organizing the tickets. It wasn’t long before Jade and Komithe found us. After casting Lesser Restoration on her to take the edge off her drunkenness, Jade helped Penny up and took her back to the house. Meanwhile, Komithe and I decided to stay out for a bit. A lot of the noise had died down, and the town took on a completely different vibe. The regular street lamps were lit up, but chains of paper lanterns were strung between many of the buildings too, and colorful magelights danced to and fro. “Know anything cool to do after dark?” I asked. Komithe shook her head and sniffed softly. “This is my first time being out this late for the festival.” “Alright. Well, let’s just explore.” We headed away from the tavern, and I was hoping to get at some of the more remote parts of town. Komithe continued to sniffle intermittently as we walked, but for the most part she seemed to be doing alright. Still, I didn’t want to keep her out too late if she was sick. “Ah-knxxt!” Right on cue, Komithe gave a little sneeze. I turned to find her gently pressing a handkerchief to the underside of her nose, and then she wiped it back and forth under her nostrils. As she put her handkerchief away, I spotted a refreshment stall behind her that was still open, and it looked like they sold coffee. I led Komithe over to it and ordered two cups. “Here, this should warm you right up,” I said, holding out one of the drinks. Komithe brought it up to her lips, and she immediately wrinkled her long nose after taking only a tiny sip. “Don’t like coffee?” I asked with a chuckle. Komithe shook her head. “Too hot.” I smiled and took a sip of my own, and then I noticed something on the food stall. There was a box filled with ice cubes, clearly meant for other beverages, but it gave me an idea. I scooped out some ice, and with Komithe’s permission, I gently poured it into her coffee cup. “Here’s a little trick back from where I grew up. It’s called ‘iced coffee’.” Komithe stared down at her cup as the ice rapidly melted. “Okay, it doesn’t work exactly like that,” I backpedaled. “But you get the idea. Give that a few minutes, and it shouldn’t be too hot.” We continued on through the winding streets, and sure enough, Komithe eventually began to drink her coffee. Lukewarm coffee probably wouldn’t be as good for her as I’d hoped, but hey, it was something. At some point we managed to find our way to another densely-packed area, this one lined with stuff that gave me flashbacks to the very same parking lot carnivals I’d been dreading. All kinds of games that would inevitably be hopelessly rigged. However, eventually even I broke down and figured I’d have to try one. Komithe and I stepped up to a booth that looked like any typical shooting range. Twenty tickets if you could land three bullseyes in a row. Bring it on. I was proficient with my crossbow, and these things were meant to steal money from children. I could handle it. Right? The carnie in the booth gave me a hand crossbow. Of course I wasn’t allowed to use my own. He then gave one to Komithe, but she managed to sneakily swap it out with her pact weapon. I’d only ever seen her summon it as a rapier before, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I aimed my crossbow and pulled the trigger. I half expected the thing to explode in my hand, but amazingly enough, the bolt flew true and embedded itself in the center of the target. Yes! I am a man! Komithe scored a bullseye of her own, and we both reloaded our crossbows and took aim again. Both of our second shots also went off without a hitch, though that only put the pressure on as I lined up for the final round. I took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and squeezed the trigger. This time, the dart popped flaccidly out of the end of the crossbow and fell straight down onto the counter. “Better luck next time, kiddo,” said the carnie as he immediately plucked the crossbow from my hand. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, but I couldn’t stay mad as he produced a stuffed animal from behind the targets and handed it to me. “Here’s your consolation prize.” This was already infinitely better than any stupid parking lot carnival. The stuffed animal was a bit strange, but I had to admit it was kind of cute. About the size of a soccer ball, it was fluffy, white and had a face like a regular old teddy bear, and its body was completely spherical aside from its rounded stubby arms, legs and ears. I call it my Ball Bear-ing. Tucking the stuffed animal under my arm, I turned to Komithe to find her still aiming her final shot. Her hand trembled subtly, and every now and then her long, thin nostrils would flare and slowly relax. Eventually she took a harsh sniff and gently slid the index finger of her free hand across the underside of her nose. Her aim steadied, but just as she was about to pull the trigger… “Ah-knxt! Ihh… Hih-knxx!” Komithe sneezed twice, holding her left arm in front of her face and pressing her nostrils down onto her forearm. Miraculously, she managed to avoid firing her crossbow accidentally, and once she recovered, she quickly took aim again and fired. Successfully hitting her third bullseye in a row, the carnie approached and held out a roll of tickets. “Here you go, little lady,” he said, despite the fact that Komithe was noticeably taller than him. She exchanged the hand crossbow for the tickets, and then she quietly dispelled her pact weapon once the man was no longer paying attention. “Hey, good job!” I said, giving a thumbs up. Komithe turned to me, but she didn’t even make eye contact before all of her attention was drawn to the stuffed animal under my arm. It took me a moment to figure out what she was looking at. Once I did, I laughed and held up the plush toy, watching as Komithe’s violet eyes followed it around. “Here, let’s trade.” Komithe nodded and I swapped the stuffed animal for her tickets. She held the bear out in front of her, staring into its inanimate eyes, and then she gently brought it closer and hugged it. After slipping the tickets into my pocket, I looked back at Komithe to find her still snuggling the stuffed animal, her nose creased up on top of its round body. “You wanted that all along, didn’t you?” I asked with a chuckle. Komithe blushed, turning her shoulders away from me. “I like it,” she replied, her voice muffled by the plush toy. “Well, if you like it so much, it’s yours.” “Thank you.” Once Komithe got tired of holding the stuffed bear to her face, she lowered it to her chest and we resumed our trek across the town. Most of the area inside the wall was fairly flat, but eventually we found our way to another park, this one dominated by a large, grassy hill. There were significantly fewer lamp posts, but they were more than made up for by an abundance of magelights floating a few meters in the air. We stepped off the main road and followed a gravel path through the park. The gravel made a pleasant crunching sound, but eventually I realized I could hear Komithe sniffing even over the noise. Her pace slowed and she retrieved her handkerchief once more. At first she only pressed it against the underside of her nose, but it wasn’t long before she gave in, cradled her nostrils with one hand, and blew forcefully. “You feeling alright?” I asked. Komithe sniffed, wiped the handkerchief back and forth under her nose, and then she gave a casual nod. “Stuffy nose,” she explained, not sounding terribly bothered. “But I feel fine.” Not buying it, I took a step toward her and reached a hand up under her bangs. Komithe blushed as I felt her forehead, but she kept still until I finished. She was a little warm, but fortunately not too bad. Once I removed my hand, Komithe held her wadded handkerchief against her nostrils and gazed up at me. She was starting to look pretty sleepy. “Want to go home?” Komithe shook her head and sniffled. “Alright. Let’s sit for a little while.” I stepped off the gravel path and sat down on the side grass. The town sprawled out before us, with only the clocktower higher than our spot on the hill. Placing my hands behind me on either side, I leaned back and looked up at the sky. The magelights mostly stuck to the path, so fortunately I was able to see the stars. I guess I didn’t even know about the old stars I used to look at to be sure, but these seemed different somehow. “Ah-knxxt!” Hearing Komithe sneeze, I looked up to find her sitting a good ten feet away from me. Giving an amused chuckle, I stood halfway and crawled over to her. “What’re you doing all the way over here?” I asked, plopping myself down next to her. Komithe lowered her handkerchief and looked down at the ground between us. “I don’t want you to catch my cold,” she said, rubbing her index finger back and forth under her nose. I rolled my eyes and waved a hand at her. “Bah, don’t worry about it, I won’t,” I reassured. Komithe gazed out over the town, and then she took a deep breath and turned to me. “Thank you,” she said, her tone bittersweet. I tilted my head slightly, raising an eyebrow. “For what?” “For… Introducing me to Jade, and Penny. And for allowing me to join your party.” Initially not sure how to respond, my mouth flapped open and shut until I finally found the words. “You know, all of you introduced me to a lot of new things too,” I said, leaning back against the hill. “Besides, you didn’t need me to introduce you. That was luck for all of us. And, either way… We’re all happy to have you in our party.” Komithe looked back toward the town, snuggling her stuffed animal. “I know I am.” I gave Komithe a smile, and she finally turned to me again. The moment we made eye contact, however, she threw back her head with a shrill gasp and then bobbed forward with an unexpectedly harsh “Ha-Knxt!” Komithe immediately retrieved her handkerchief, held it with both hands, and powerfully blew her nose. As she finished up, I stood and brushed myself off. “Alright, it’s getting pretty late. How about we head home?” Once Komithe put away her handkerchief, I extended a hand to help her up. She looked at it for a moment, then she turned her gaze up to me and slowly slid her index finger across the underside of her sniffly nose. Komithe smiled warmly, and I smiled back as she took my hand. The next morning, I got up early. I hadn’t planned to or even wanted to, but I was restless. I thought I’d accepted the fact that the raffle thing didn’t really matter, and that there was no way I’d actually win, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Before the others even woke up, I took a shower, got dressed, and made my way into town with the mass of tickets we’d collected. A lot of people were busy cleaning up after the festival, but the town was quiet. A few people had gathered around the raffle tent to check the winning number, but so far no one had claimed it. There was no crier or anything of the sort, simply a large sign erected next to the tent with the number “74656” scrawled in black paint. Giving a resigned sigh, I sat at a public table near the temple and began to peruse my tickets. Seven five six three three... Seven four two zero five... I swear it had taken me twenty minutes to go through them all. But, once I was about halfway in… Seven four six five six… I went numb. I actually had the winning number. There was no screaming or jumping around or any other sort of celebrating. I simply stood up and hobbled over to the tent. The priestess inside immediately looked up as I stuck my head in, giving me a pleasant smile. “Hey, uh,” I mumbled, holding up my ticket. “I got this.” The priestess gasped excitedly, clapping her hands to her cheeks. She stood up and took the ticket from me, and after verifying its authenticity, she handed it back and led me toward the temple proper. Some of the crowd outside began to follow, but their whispers were all just noise to me. “Congratulations!” the priestess cheered once we were safely inside the temple. “Have you decided which deity you’d like to commune with?” I blinked slowly, still in shock. “Eshena. Goddess of life.” The priestess nodded, and she led me over to a small, unassuming doorway off of the temple’s central chamber. After giving me a nod, she gestured to the door and stepped to the side. “Right this way. Good luck!” I stepped through the door and found myself in a small, dimly lit room. It was completely unfurnished aside from a small candle in each corner. I questioned how I was going to meet a goddess in such a place, but it wasn’t like I knew anything about the pantheon in this place anyway. The candles slowly grew brighter and brighter, and eventually they gave a flash that forced me to shield my eyes. Once I opened them again, the room was fully illuminated with a warm light, and a familiar goddess stood before me. “Greetings,” said Eshena, her eyes closed behind her glasses. When she looked upon me, she immediately wrinkled her nose. “Oh. It’s you.” Eshena’s sass immediately boiled the numbness right out of my blood. “Yeah, it’s me!” I proclaimed, holding up my winning ticket and waving it in her face. “I got your number, I got your ass!” The goddess recoiled with a startled expression, and then she closed her eyes and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “F-fine! Have you been making the most of your new life?” “Hey, I’m askin’ the questions here, Your Worship! But yes, yes I have.” “Well, I hope you have! Now, what did you want to… W-want to… Hih… Hehhh… Heiishhooo!” Eshena’s head thrust downward with a breathy sneeze, and then she reared up again as she felt another one coming on. She froze in place for a moment, her long nostrils flared into a pair of large ovals, and then she doubled over with a much stronger “Heiighh-SHOOH!” I tapped my foot impatiently as Eshena sniffed harshly and rubbed her fingers back and forth under her big nose. She shook her head, gave an annoyed groan, and finally straightened up. “Goodness, my allergies…” she complained, kneading the sides of her nose with her fingertips. I slapped a palm to my forehead and dragged my hand down over my face. “Holy shhh… You’re a goddess! What in the world could you possibly be allergic to!?” “Dust!” Eshena coughed, pitifully fanning her face with one hand. “Dust in my office, dust in this awful, awful little room! Heh! Hehht-SHOOH!” I rolled my eyes, smushing my jaw between my thumb and fingers. “You have my condolences. Now… Could you please tell me how I died? In my old life, before I came here.” Eshena tenderly rubbed her nose once more, and then her eyes went wide. I felt a twinge of unease as her face settled into a smug smile. Baring her teeth in a frightening grin, she clasped her hands over her chest. “I’m sorry, but you may ask but only one question.” “What? I didn’t…” No. No, no, no, that’s not possible. Closing one eye, Eshena smiled and wagged a finger from side to side. “Thank you for being so concerned for my health,” she taunted, her body becoming transparent. This cannot be! “No! You can’t be serious! I don’t give a shit about your relationship with dust!” Eshena blew me a kiss, and with that, she was gone. “Get back here! Just tell me how I died!” The room was silent, and the candles began to darken until they were as dim as when I’d arrived. I stood still as a statue for what felt like an entire year. Eventually the priestess came to check on me, and with the door open, I wordlessly lumbered out of the room. I ignored the priestess as she tried to console me, and I sullenly dragged myself back to the house. I carelessly kicked off my shoes once I was inside, and then I dropped onto one of the couches by the fireplace. “Ah-knxt!” “Ha-Cheeew!” “HeyeeSHOO!” I sat bolt upright as three simultaneous sneezes startled me back to my senses. My eyes widened as I spotted Jade, Penny and Komithe sitting on the floor in front of the fire. No idea how I’d missed them on the way in. All three of them were bundled up in fuzzy bathrobes and surrounded by piles of crumpled tissues. Jade and Penny must have caught Komithe’s cold, and now all three of them were suffering through it. “Tell me,” Penny croaked, scrunching up her nose with a snort. “Was it worth it?” Resting my elbows against my legs, I leaned forward and let my face fall into my hands. “...Not remotely.” I immediately regretted saying that. I took a moment to gather my thoughts, and after sighing heavily, I stood up and took a step toward the kitchen. “Sorry, I… You guys really helped me out a lot yesterday. I appreciate it. How about this? Today, you three just relax so you can get better, and I’ll do whatever you want. Now, who wants some chicken soup?” Jade, Komithe, and even Penny managed a smile. “Me.” “Me too. “Yeah, me too, ya’ jerk.” “You got it.” I smiled as I headed for the kitchen, and I gave a laugh as I heard all three ladies gasp in preparation for another round of sneezes. Today probably wouldn’t be easy for me, but what the hey, they’d earned it. “Ack-CHYEEW!” “HEYESHOOO!” “Ha-knxxt!” ----- And that's all, folks. Thanks so much for reading, and I hope you all had a good time. Feedback and general comments are always welcome, and I hope I'll come up with more to share soon. Link to comment
Oolia Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 On 2/8/2019 at 6:02 AM, Blah!? said: “Guh! I feel like I just sneezed out a ghost.” I blinked. “Wow, I… Wow. I think that’s actually what you just did.” LMAO! That was a really cool way to integrate sneezing with the plot, and each with their own personal allergen! And I loved the moment of intimacy they all had right before, and how Jim realized he missed his old life. It was nice to see them bond even more. On 2/8/2019 at 6:02 AM, Blah!? said: “Lich please.” 🤣🤣🤣 GOLD! On 2/17/2019 at 4:24 PM, Blah!? said: Booths and stalls lined both sides of the road, banners and flags hung from every lamp post, and the air seemed to be about three percent confetti wherever you looked. There didn’t appear to be any sort of theme, everything was a mishmash of different styles. It's crazy how two sentences can draw a whole scene so perfectly. This calls up the perfect anime festival in my head and it's lovely. I especially like the 3% confetti remark. On 2/17/2019 at 4:24 PM, Blah!? said: “You hit me in the face with a wooden board!” I exclaimed, jabbing a finger at my hairline. “There’s nothing in the rules that says we can’t hit you in the face with a wooden board.” LOL, oh man... On 2/17/2019 at 4:24 PM, Blah!? said: Wait, hang on. “There’s an old man sittin’ next to me, makin’ love to his tonic and gin.” “Penny, how do you...?” Oh my god are they all real people that also died but they eventually forget their old life?? 😱 On 2/17/2019 at 4:24 PM, Blah!? said: Not buying it, I took a step toward her and reached a hand up under her bangs. Komithe blushed as I felt her forehead, but she kept still until I finished. She was a little warm, but fortunately not too bad. Oh my gosh TWO forehead feels in one story? YESSS! Jim is being so tender and attentive with Komithe, it's adorable to see and such a nice, relaxing pace after the other two more action-based scenes with Jade and Penny. Perfect way to end the night. On 2/17/2019 at 4:24 PM, Blah!? said: “I’m sorry, but you may ask but only one question.” OH. MY. GOD(DESS). 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 Aaah this was so good. I'm sorry it took so long for me to find the time to read it, but I'm kind of glad I did because I got to read it all in one go. It was a lot of fun and I found myself smiling and chuckling a lot. I love that you also built some mystery into it; I hope we'll get to find out more about it in the future! I really grew to love these mismatched character. Thank you for writing this story <3 Link to comment
Oolia Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 Oh my god I just realize I accidentally overwrote a bunch of quotes and comments... UUUGHH!! I can't remember exactly where the quotes were, but essentially, I really loved how there were multiple instances where Jim would mention something about the real world and everyone would be like "wha?!". And how likeable Jim is with his clumsy, socially awkward mannerisms, and how he actually gets better as he grows more comfortable with the other characters. Also, you did a superb job at dividing each chapter and creating a story for each of them. They all started with a quest and a specific goal, each had their own obstacles that created action, and ended with a nice resolution. Every time I read the first few lines of a new chapter, I was excited to see what would happen next. I loved how you integrated the sneezing in the "haunted" mansion, too, with each character needing their own particular allergen to solve the problem. That was super cool and clever! And of course, all the cute, adorable moments, like when Jade sneezes because she's cold, and whenever Jim is super sweet with Kormithe when she's sick (including the two cute forehead feels). You've made me want to watch that anime you got inspired by 😊 Link to comment
Blah!? Posted February 2, 2020 Author Share Posted February 2, 2020 Whew, so I finally found it in me to write some more of this series. It's been almost an entire year, but here we are again. I don't want to give too much of an elongated run up to the story itself, but I do feel like I should say this chapter is a bit more sentimental and personal than the first five. I still wanted to keep things relatively light and fun, but I also felt like the next step forward involved putting a bit more of myself into it and touching on some slightly more serious topics. There's nothing too extreme in this chapter, but if I write any more after this, I may go farther into that. But for now, I hope you enjoy! ----- Chapter 6 Life went on after the Summer Festival, and despite the odd feeling of finality, not all that much really changed. If anything, I found myself caring less and less about how I died. Somehow, leaving that question unanswered actually gave me a weird sort of closure and left me feeling more able to move ahead with my new life. Eat your heart out, Eshena. Anyway, the crew and I decided to leave town for a couple months. We didn’t take any quests aside from little odd jobs to help pay for lodging and food, and we basically just traveled the world for a while. It was nice to get a taste of what else is out there to explore, but eventually we started to feel a bit homesick and made our way back. I think that was my other big sign that I’m ready to move on: I missed my bed at Bell End more than I miss the one from my old life. Most of the quests around town are pretty below our level at this point, so we usually only sign up for the big ones that no one else is really prepared for. This time though, we decided to take it easy. A farm outside of town had been losing a lot of their livestock overnight for the past week, to the point where they no longer felt comfortable in their own home. Our job was pretty simple: stay at the farmhouse for a few days, protect the animals, and find the source of the danger. I thought the change of pace sounded nice, so I was all for it. Jade likewise took a shine to the idea of living in the countryside for a while. Komithe didn’t say much, but I could tell she was excited to meet some cute animals. We were all feeling pretty into it. Well, everyone except for… “Heh… Hehhh! HEYEESHHOOO!” Penny doubled over with a big sneeze and slumped on top of the picnic table next to me. She laid there motionless for just long enough to make me start to worry, so I reached a hand out and began to gently rub her back. “Don’t touch me,” she growled, her voice muffled as she rested her face on her folded arms. “Okay,” I said with half a chuckle, pulling my hand back. Leaning my elbows against the table, I quietly surveyed the landscape. To my left, Jade picked berries from a row of neatly trimmed bushes, depositing them in a basket that hung from her arm. To the right, Komithe was squatting in front of a chicken coop, where she’d spent the last half an hour waving to the birds whenever one of them happened to look at her. Straight ahead, the path leading up to the farm from the road was peaceful and empty. Beside me, Penny snuffled. She sat up and began to furiously rub her fingers under her nose, intermittently giving a quiet snort. “Can we go now?” she pleaded, her voice weak and congested. I leaned back and looked over at her, placing my hands on the bench beside me to steady myself. “I think we kind of need to spend the night.” Throwing her hands in the air, Penny once again collapsed on the table. “Ugh! This sucks…” “Aww! What’s wrong, Penny?” Jade cooed, looking over from the berry bushes. She let her basket hang by her side and she began to walk over to us. Once she arrived at the table, she too tried to give Penny a backrub, which prompted her to sit up and flail her arms defensively. “Sorry!” Jade yelped, jumping back a step. “What’s got you so mopey today?” Penny covered her face with her hands and groaned into them before folding her arms over her chest with a pout. “Ugh, just… You guys know I get hay fever, and you dragged us to this farm! I… I… Heh! HeyeeSHOO!” Smiling sympathetically, Jade sat down beside Penny and scooted as close to her as she could. “I guess it really is allergy season, huh?” she said in an almost whimsical voice. Penny stared at me and rolled her eyes before turning back to Jade. “Don’t you have allergies too?” Jade smiled and shrugged. “Just flowers. Here it’s mostly just the hay, trees, and grass though.” “Grass,” Penny moaned, her face falling into her hands. “Who the hell’s allergic to grass?” Jade giggled. “I think you are.” Penny gave a defeated groan and fell face-first onto the picnic table once more. Jade tried to rub her back again, and this time Penny let her. Deciding to check on Komithe, I excused myself and made my way over to her. The warlock hadn’t moved an inch since the last time I looked in her direction. “Hey,” I said as I arrived next to her. Komithe briefly glanced over at me before turning her attention back to the chickens. One of them happened to turn its head past her and she quickly waved at it. “You look like you’ve all gotten to know each other,” I said, earning another quick glance from Komithe. Resting her left hand on her knee, she turned slightly toward one of the chickens and pointed. “This one’s Welloo.” She pointed to another. “And this one’s Nona.” I smiled a rather confused smile. “Right.” “Or maybe that one’s Koko.” “So, did the farmers tell you their names, or…?” Komithe gave no response, continuing to intermittently wave at the chickens. Yeah, she totally just made up names for them. Still, I wasn’t about to ruin the moment for her. A few times in the past Komithe had suggested that we get a couple chickens to keep at the house, but whenever she tried to buy any, she always wound up getting a noseful of feathers and sneezing herself silly. Keeping her on the other side of a fence from them was probably good for her. “Hih… Ah’knnxt!” Or, at least it had been for a little while. I glanced over at Komithe to find her gently flicking the tip of her nose up with a finger, and then she bobbed forward with a harsher “Ha-KNSHoo!” “Alright, time to take a break from the chickens,” I suggested, watching her rear up for another sneeze. “Ah’Knnt! Okay,” Komithe replied, reluctantly nodding her head. I took her hand and calmly led her away from the coop. She managed to keep her composure until we arrived at the picnic table, at which point she doubled over with a powerful “Ah-KnshHOOO!” To my amazement, this actually sent a tiny feather spiraling out of her right nostril. Jade and I briefly glanced at each other, wide-eyed in disbelief. “Gesundheit,” Penny groaned, resting her chin in her palm. “See? Komithe’s allergic to farms too. Can we just go home?” “We’re only going to be here for the night,” said Jade, starting to massage Penny’s shoulders. “I’m going to make dinner soon, and I’ll let you have a grilled cheese if you cheer up a little.” Penny perked up a little at the thought, but she tried not to show it. Eventually she sniffed harshly and pressed her nose upward with the palm of her hand before glancing back at Jade. “You mean it?” “Yep! In fact, why don’t you help me cook? Come on.” “Alright, fiihh… Heh! HeyeeSHOO!” And so Jade and Penny set about preparing our evening meal. Komithe and I kept watch, though that consisted largely of me daydreaming and Komithe attempting to hug every animal on the farm. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, though I was starting to wonder if whatever was attacking the livestock knew we were here and had decided to lay low. Just to be safe, we ate dinner outside at the picnic table. Penny got her grilled cheese, and even a second one after some truly pitiful begging. Night fell shortly after, at which point we started taking sequential watches. Jade and Penny were up first, and we’d trade off one at a time every few hours. I was supposed to be getting some rest, but I had a hard time falling asleep. Hearing Penny’s loud sneezes from outside didn’t help, though I think it was mostly because I just felt nervous about something. I don’t even know what, just something elusive. Whatever was attacking the farm would probably turn out to just be wolves or bandits, but there was always that chance it could be some unspeakable horror. Maybe it didn’t have anything to do with our quest at all, and I was just feeling weird for no reason I could figure out. Nevertheless I eventually managed to doze off. If I dreamt about anything, I don’t remember what it was. I woke up a few hours later to find Jade standing above me, one hand on my shoulder. “Hey,” she said in a voice so soft it almost made me fall asleep again. “Time to get up.” I moaned and hugged an armful of blanket to my chest. “Five more minutes.” Jade giggled and gently shook me, prompting me to finally open my eyes. “Nope,” she insisted. “You have a job to do!” I sat up in bed and yawned, glancing over at her before getting out of bed. “How’s Penny doing?” Before Jade could answer, the sound of desperate “HyeeSHOO!” forced its way through the closed window. Placing her fingers over her mouth, Jade giggled and shrugged. “She’s fine. Just grumpy.” “She’s always grumpy,” I said with a chuckle, feeling myself trail off unexpectedly. I glanced at the window, then over at the bedroom door, and then back at Jade. After taking a breath, I wordlessly opened my mouth for a second before finally managing to speak. “Can I have a hug?” I asked, hoping I didn’t sound too sullen. Jade smiled. There was just a hint of concern in her eyes, but she didn’t hesitate. “Of course,” she replied, gently putting her arms around me. I hugged her back, casually leaning the side of my head against hers. Jade’s body might have looked like stone, but she was as soft and warm as ever. So kind, more than I felt like I could ever be. I was glad she didn’t ask me why I wanted a hug; it was like she could just tell I needed one. Jade began to lightly rub my back through my shirt, but only a moment later, Penny gave another “HeyeeSHOOO!” from outside. “Alright,” said Jade, taking a step back and patting me on the shoulder. “Don’t leave Penny alone out there for too long.” Jade helped me get my armor in place, and then she settled down to rest while I went outside in her stead. The muffled sounds of crickets intensified as I stepped through the door, though they were still pleasantly distant and atmospheric. Penny sat on the far side of the picnic table, facing away from me. A small fire crackled in a pit beside her, and I couldn’t help but smile when I saw her toss a crumpled tissue into it. “Evening, Miss Schwartz,” I said, pushing down on the pommel of my sword so I could sit next to her. “Hey,” Penny mumbled, briefly glancing over at me before grabbing a fresh tissue from the box in her lap. Holding the soft paper square with both hands, she took a deep breath and powerfully blew her nose. “Doing alright?” I asked, putting on a faint smile. I figured she’d say something quippy, but she did seem more downtrodden than usual. Penny shrugged, wiping the tissue back and forth under her nose. “I mean, aside from how everything around here’s still giving me hay fever, I’m peachy.” “You gonna be okay?” Penny blew her nose again and sighed, balling up her tissue before chucking it into the campfire. “Yeah. I just never even knew I had it until I… Came here.” Penny’s gaze grew distant, the light from the flames lapping at her blank eyes. I gave a sigh of my own, then glanced over at her when I noticed her cross her arms in my peripheral vision. “Sorry,” she sniffed, wiping her nose on her forearm. I shrugged and smiled. “If you ever want to talk about that, we can,” I said, leaning one arm back against the table behind us. Penny rubbed her nose and sniffed again before running a hand through her unstyled mohawk. “Maybe someday,” she said, looking up at the starry sky. “I trust you, I just… I haven’t really felt like talking about it in a long time.” “Alright,” I replied with a nod. I took a second to gaze up at the stars too, but after a moment I suddenly turned back to Penny. “Just one thing though. Are we like, allowed to talk about it? Like if we say anything about it, do we just spontaneously explode or something?” Regaining some of her usual energy, Penny turned and pointed at me. “You know, I’ve been wondering the same thing! Maybe that bitchy goddess’ll descend from the heavens and smite me.” “You met her too?” I asked, shifting on the bench seat to better face toward Penny. She turned further toward me too, grabbing a fresh tissue but simply holding it off to the side. “She was such a dick!” “She actually killed me a second time right after I got there.” “That’s friggin’ nuts. I mean, I might have killed you too though, so I get it.” “Well, you almost did.” We laughed briefly, but my current train of thought seemed to suck the wind out of my sails. For the first time in a long time, I started to wonder about how I died in my old life. Our smiles slowly faded, both of us sensing that we didn’t really want to continue the conversation, but they didn’t vanish completely. At least, not until Penny gasped for breath and sneezed a harsh “HEYEESHOO!” into her tissue. “Bless you.” “Ugh, thanks. How long do you think until somebody invents antihistamines here?” “I think you’ve probably got a couple centuries.” Penny groaned, letting her head fall back so far that she nearly hit the table. “At least I might actually be able to afford the stuff then.” “Yeah,” I mumbled with half a laugh. That was definitely not something I missed about my old life. I mean, a plus one sword might cost an arm and a leg, but then I could just hop to the nearest temple or apothecary and get that arm and leg popped back on practically for free. “HYEESHHH!” Penny sneezed harshly into her tissue, though even with the muffled sound it was still sudden enough to startle me. She glanced bashfully in my direction as she massaged the underside of her nose. “Sorry,” she groaned. “Ugh, this hay fever stuff sucks.” “Have you talked to Jade about it? She’s gotta know something that could help.” Penny shrugged and sighed, continuing to cradle her nose through a tissue. “Yeah. There’s no miracle allergy relief spell, but she gives a nice sinus massage. That was good. Until I sneezed in her face, anyway.” We laughed again, though it was clear Penny was getting tired. Couldn’t say I blamed her, especially since she hadn’t gotten any rest beforehand. The rest of our watch passed largely in silence. Even Penny’s sneezing grew progressively less frequent. I caught her dozing off a couple times, but I let her have it. Otherwise I spent most of my time looking up at the stars again. I couldn’t remember enough about the old world to tell if they were different. I just kind of assumed they were. In hindsight I didn’t really do a whole lot of watching the, you know, farm... “Huh… Heh! HeyeeSHOO!” After what must have been at least an hour of quiet, Penny sneezed herself awake beside me. She flailed a bit as she lost her balance, nearly falling right off the bench when she gave another “HyeeSHOOO!” Clearly feeling a third sneeze coming on, Penny scrambled for a tissue and just managed to pull one free from the box in her lap. “Heh-Hehh-Hehhh-! HEYEESHOOOO!!! Gnuh…” I gave Penny a sympathetic smile as she blew her nose, and once she finished, I gestured back at the farm house. “Hey, why don’t you go get Komithe? It’s about that time anyway.” “Yeah,” Penny mumbled, rubbing her nose through her tissue. She stood up and took the box with her, softly blowing her nose as she walked around the picnic table. “Goodnight, slim,” she said with a faint smile. I gave her a casual salute as she walked away, and then I took a moment to add another log or two to the fire. A couple minutes later, Komithe emerged from the house. She was fully dressed in her black coat, but she was also hugging a pillow to her chest. “Hey,” I greeted, glancing back and forth between her eyes and the pillow. Komithe continued to approach and sat beside me. “Hello.” “You sleep okay?” I asked. Komithe nodded. “I hope the chickens are sleeping restfully as well.” Oh, Komithe… “Want to check up on them?” Komithe said nothing, but her violet eyes sparkled in the starlight. I would have been more than willing to walk her over to the coop, but she immediately stood and began to march over to it herself, leaving me to catch up. The chickens had all retreated into their little house, hutch, whatever it’s called thing for the night. A couple of them were still visible from the outside, so Komithe squatted down and did her best to observe them. She smiled contently, and to my surprise she actually straightened up on her own without me having to pull her away. Just as she turned to me, however, her eyes grew distant and her mouth hung open. “Hih…” Unable to stop myself from smiling, I carefully reached my thumb and forefinger around the base of Komithe’s nose. Her long, slender nostrils flared for a second before I gently squeezed them shut, causing Komithe to knit her eyebrows. “Shh! Don’t wake them up!” I teased. Komithe surely didn’t need my help, but she agreed and I led her away from the chicken coop. Once we were nearly back at the picnic table, I let go of her nose and… “KnnshHOO!” A little scrap of feather fluff swirled out of Komithe’s left nostril. How does she always manage to-? “Maybe Penny was right,” she mumbled, dejectedly rubbing an outstretched finger under the tip of her nose. “Maybe I am allergic to farms.” Even after spending nearly a year with her, I still was never fully prepared for the strange things that came out of her mouth. Clapping a hand over my own, I did my best not to laugh as Komithe stared at me in confusion, continuing to rub her nose. “I’m sure you’re just chilly,” I said once I got myself under control. “Let’s sit closer to the fire.” I took a step toward the table, but Komithe didn’t follow. When she stopped rubbing under her nose, her expression was unexpectedly stern. Not angry, but serious and determined. “Jim, there’s… Something I would like to do this evening,” she said, further catching me off guard. “I’ll stay if you ask me to, but otherwise…” “It’s okay,” I replied almost instinctively. I had no idea what she was talking about, but it was clearly important to her. What right do I have to get in her way? “Go ahead. You don’t have to tell me what it is or anything, just… Be safe.” Komithe smiled, her eyes sparkling again. I love it when she does that. It’s not often, but it’s so heartwarming when she smiles. I still don’t know if she tries to hide her feelings or if it’s just her way not to be very expressive, but when something makes her really happy, she just can’t help it. “Thank you,” said Komithe, closing her eyes and bowing her head. “I’ll be back before morning.” With that, she began to jog quickly but quietly down the path leading away from the house. I waved briefly, but she never turned back to look before disappearing around the corner. It was none of my business, but I did start to wonder what she could be up to. She didn’t seem afraid of it, whatever it was, so I did my best not to worry. I probably should have gone to get Jade up early, but I decided not to. If Komithe decided she wanted to tell the others about this, that was up to her. Deciding to pass the rest of my watch by myself, I prodded at the fire, walked around the yard, did some stretching… The works. Just as I was in the middle of some jumping jacks, I heard footsteps coming up the path toward the farm. Even without looking, I could tell it wasn’t Komithe. These sounded louder, and there appeared to be more than one set. Once I’d taken a second to calm down, I turned to find three people walking nonchalantly toward me. None of them seemed to actually be looking at me, but it was hard to tell at first with the helmets. Shiny red helmets atop shiny silver plate armor. Between how immaculate their armor looked and how they carried themselves, these guys didn’t actually look ready for a fight. Hoping to give them the benefit of the doubt, I stepped forward without drawing my weapon. “Evening,” I greeted, waving a hand in the air. “You guys need something?” The armored figures didn’t respond, silently walking right past the chicken coop. Still a good few yards away from me, they started to turn to my right, heading toward the fence that enclosed the sheep pen. I’ve got a baaad feeling about this. “Hey. Hey!” I repeated, raising my voice as I moved to intercept the intruders. They continued to ignore me until I was fully between them and the fence, at which point they finally came to a stop. “Can I help you with something or what?” I demanded, caring less about decorum with each passing second. Who the heck were these guys? They didn’t look like any bandits I’d ever seen, but damn if they weren’t acting shifty as all hell. “Stand aside, civilian.” Uff, the condescension in his voice hit like a brick to my stomach. All I could do was furrow my brow incredulously. I still couldn’t see any of their faces, but this guy sounded like he could have been half my age. “Who’re you calling ‘civilian’?” I spat, my fingers curling in disgust. The lead soldier took a step toward me, the moonlight glinting off his crimson helmet as he moved. “You will not impede the greatness of Ensorcell. Stand aside, civilian.” Alright, if that’s how you want to play it... I drew myself up, squaring my shoulders and clasping my hands in front of my waist. “None shall pass.” “What?” the guy stammered, taking half a step back. Right where I want him. “None shall pass.” “It is foolish of you to make an enemy of Ensorcell, civilian.” Can’t really reply to that with ‘then you shall die,’ skip to the next one… “I move… For no man.” “Look! Can you just-” His voice cracked. He yanked open the front of his helmet in a huff, exposing the most boring face I think I’ve ever seen on a guy. “Can you just leave us alone?” Me? Leave you alone? “Fine. Just tell me your business. If you’re looking for a place to stay, I’m sure we can figure something out. What do you want?” “Who’s asking?” Rolling my eyes, I slapped my palm to my forehead and slowly dragged my hand down over my face. “Me. I literally just… Whatever. Look, somebody’s been stealing animals, so the farmers here asked us to keep an eye on things overnight. You know anything about that?” A brief second of panic flashed across the guy’s face. Even if it wasn’t them doing the deed, clearly they knew something about it. Just a matter of how badly this guy would hang himself. “You don’t have any proof.” Wow. That bad, huh? “Well how about it?” I pressed. “What the hell else could you be doing here?” “I don’t know if you noticed,” armored dude continued, reaching a hand up and closing his helmet, “but there are three of us and one of you.” I flashed a grin that I’d probably come to regret, but I just couldn’t help myself. “So get some more guys, and then it’ll be an even fight.” All four of us reached for our weapons, but before any of us could draw, a sharp rustle came from the bushes between us and the farm house. We all turned to look, not quite sure what we expected to find. Nothing looked out of the ordinary at first, but after a second one of the larger shrubs shook again. “Hhh-! Hh-heh!” “Penny, shhh! Don’t sneeze!” I guess I was happy to know they were there, but at the same time, damn. The armored guys and I awkwardly glanced back and forth between each other and the bushes. “Do they know we can hear them?” the leader asked. I shrugged. “Hey!” he suddenly shouted, earning a squeak of surprise from Jade. “We can hear you!” While he was looking away from me, I took the initiative and quickly drew my sword. I left my shield back at the table, but I still clung to some scrap of hope that we could resolve this without the need for bloodshed. Predictably the three intruders drew their weapons as well, assuming an aggressive position around me. Jade and Penny emerged from behind the shrub, though their presence seemed to go ignored. “Ready for your even fight?” the leader asked, tipping his sword toward me. Looking past him into the trees, I spotted something moving in the darkness. Once again unable to resist a smile, I drew myself into a defensive stance and calmly gestured over his shoulder. “Are you sure about that?” The two flanking soldiers kept their attention on me, but the leader immediately whirled around to see Komithe standing across from me. She summoned her rapier to her right hand, simultaneously holding her left hand at the ready to fire an eldritch blast. “Actually, we’re above such barbarism, are we not?” armored dude suggested, relaxing his stance. “Why don’t we settle this the old fashioned way?” “What did you have in mind?” I asked, sticking the tip of my sword into the dirt and lightly leaning against it. “Glacier Gulch, one week from today.” I shrugged and gave a faint grin. “Sounds perfect, see you there.” And with that, the three shambling suits of armor began to make their way out of the yard, back down the path and out of sight. I continued to lean against my sword until they were gone, at which point I gave a sigh of relief and put my weapon away. The four of us convened by the campfire, collectively letting out another sigh. “Are we really going back to Glacier Gulch?” asked Jade, nervously pressing her index fingers together. I smirked. “Pfft, no way. Not worth wasting any more time on those guys. We’ll just tell the town guard tomorrow and be done with it. They’ll be out of our hair for a week anyway.” Placing a hand on her chest, Jade closed her eyes and smiled. “What a relief. I don’t like that place. But, who were they?” “No idea,” I replied, glancing down the path just to make sure they were gone. “They said something about ‘Ensorcell.’ Sounds like a guild or something. Never heard of it before though.” “Me neither,” interjected Penny, her nostrils flaring. “But I guess that solves our little quest, doesn’t it? Can we go home now? I really have to… R-really have to… Heh… Hehh! HEYEEESHOOO!!!” ----- And that's all for now. Thanks for reading, and I hope this one was still enjoyable despite the change of tone. Any feedback or constructive criticism is always welcome, and I hope I'll have some more in the relatively near future. Link to comment
NickG1998 Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 Please continue this awesome story and keep up the amazing work Link to comment
Curiosity234 Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 This is funny and charming. Great work. Link to comment
Blah!? Posted February 24, 2020 Author Share Posted February 24, 2020 I'm still working on the next full chapter, but I also just wrote a little fluff piece based on a prompt on my tumblr page. I figured I should share it here too, so here goes... ----- After another mysterious evening in the woods around town, Komithe began to make her way home. The sky was eerily dark: the sun had long since set, and the moon was obscured by heavy clouds overhead. As Komithe emerged from the trees, a single raindrop landed on the bridge of her long nose. She scrunched up her face and frowned slightly, but the warlock continued undeterred. Just a few steps later, another raindrop connected with the very tip of Komithe’s nose and began to trickle across the underside between her nostrils. With a gentle sniff, Komithe wiped her nose with an outstretched finger and picked up her pace. A steady drizzle fell across the town by the time Komithe passed through the gate. She could feel it lightly pattering on top of her hair, but not once did she think to put up her hood. Fortunately the rain wasn’t heavy enough to soak her through, but by the time Komithe arrived at Bell End, her hair was unpleasantly damp and she had unconsciously put her arms around herself. “Hih… K’Shhoo!” Komithe sneezed as she turned off of Main Street, some of her wet hair falling in front of her face. After fixing her hair, Komithe pressed on, starting to sniffle every few steps. Seeing the lights on inside the Bell End Estate made her feel a bit more comfortable, but even as she stepped through the door, she was still wet and chilly. “Hey Komithe,” Penny greeted through a mouthful of peanuts, standing in the entry to the kitchen. Komithe sniffed. “Jim and Jade are still out, so I guess it’s just the two of us tonight.” Komithe sniffed again. “It’s starting to rain a bit, huh?” Komithe nodded and sniffed a third time. Penny set her bowl of peanuts down on the counter and took a step closer, noticing a few spots of water on the floor. As she drew closer, she couldn’t have missed that it was dripping from Komithe’s clothes and hair. Starting to frown, Penny put her hands on her hips. “You, uh, know you have a hood and stuff, right?” Gently rubbing a finger under her nose, Komithe sniffed once again. “It’s your own fault if you get the sniffles,” Penny scolded. Komithe blinked and looked away, finally remembering that she did indeed have a hood, and that she could have buttoned up her coat. Penny sighed impatiently, but before either of them could say another word, Komithe drew a slow, deep breath and held two fingers under her flaring nostrils. “Ah’Knnxt!” Squishing her nose down onto her fingers, Komithe stifled a sneeze. She gave a harsh sniff, and then two more softer sniffles as she began to gently rub under her nose. Rolling her eyes, Penny let her hands fall to her sides before waving Komithe toward the stairs behind her. “Gesundheit. Go change out of those wet clothes. I’ll make you some soup.” Komithe and Penny went their separate ways, the latter taking a step back into the kitchen. She reached toward a random cupboard and stopped short. Scowling at herself, Penny realized she had no idea where anything was aside from the snacks. With an annoyed grumble, she began to turn the kitchen inside out in search of anything that could plausibly be made into soup. “Where’s the br- Why can’t this stuff still come in cans!?” Penny eventually found a suitable pot, but in her attempt to pull it off the shelf, she wound up dropping it on her foot. “Shit!” Penny yelped, hopping up and down on her uninjured leg. Flailing an arm in the air, she hopped out of the kitchen and very nearly ran into Komithe. The half-elf had changed into her nightgown, though her hair still looked a bit damp and she was still sniffling regularly. “Are you alright, Penny?” Komithe asked, glancing at the fallen pot on the floor. Still hopping in place, Penny began to blush and frown. “Okay, I don’t know how to make soup,” she confessed. “Want some peanuts? Are you even hungry?” Komithe shook her head, lightly wrapping her arms around herself. “I may just go to bed.” Her voice was a bit scratchy, and Penny felt a deeper pang of concern. Feeling guilty about her quality as a caretaker, Penny’s blush intensified. Stubbornly avoiding eye contact, she ran a hand up the back of her head and sighed. “Alright, uh… I’ll come tuck you in.” The duo ascended the stairs all the way up to Komithe’s bedroom at the top of the tower. Just walking past the dusty attic made Penny want to sneeze, but she managed to hold it in for Komithe’s sake. Once they arrived, Komithe slipped into bed quite gracefully, somehow managing to get under the covers without disturbing the plethora of stuffed animals gathered around her pillow. She then chose one from the pile and hugged it to her chest, gazing up at Penny with another sniffle. Despite Penny’s previous claim, she did not in fact tuck Komithe in. Instead, she knelt down beside the bed, leaning against it with a bashful sigh. Komithe blinked and sniffled again, removing one hand from her stuffed animal to slowly rub her nose. “So, uh… There’s this thing people do where I come from, when we want to help each other fall asleep. Would… You like that?” Komithe nodded. “Yes.” Penny leaned back and shook her head loosely. “Okay… Okay. Whew. Haven’t done this in a while…” After taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, Penny closed her eyes and nodded gently in time with an internal rhythm. Then, she began to sing softly. “Call me, irresponsible. Call me, unreliable…” Komithe frowned. “But you aren’t either of those things.” Penny’s eyes shot open and her face turned bright red. “Komithe just let me sing!” Komithe sheepishly pulled her blanket up over her mouth. “Okay. I’m sorry.” Penny closed her eyes and took another deep breath, and this time she managed to sing uninterrupted. When she finished the song, she opened her eyes to find Komithe fast asleep, just like she’d hoped. Unconsciously giving a quiet sniff of her own, Penny yawned and rested her head on the side of Komithe’s bed. Between Komithe’s soft breathing and the gentle rain on the roof above, Penny soon found herself dozing off too. “Hey, Penny.” Jade’s soft voice greeted Penny’s ears as she was gently shaken awake. Turning her head to the side, Penny groggily looked up at the cleric and sniffed. Somehow, just seeing Jade made her feel even less confident in her ability to take care of anyone. “I see you made a mess in the kitchen,” Jade teased. Penny frowned and stared over Komithe at the wall. “I can’t even make soup,” she mumbled, lightly blowing a raspberry against her forearm. Jade giggled and knelt down beside her. “Well, I’ll teach you. Anyway, is everything okay?” Penny and Jade both glanced over at Komithe, watching the half-elf snuffle and rub her nose in her sleep. Turning back to Jade, Penny sniffed and shrugged. “Komithe has the sniffles, so I was trying to… T-trying to… Heh…! HyeeSHH!” Ducking her head between her folded arms, Penny sneezed. She quickly looked up at Komithe in a panic, but fortunately she managed to muffle the sound enough to keep from waking her. Feeling Jade’s hand on her shoulder, Penny blushed and scowled. “Sounds like you need to get some rest too!” ----- And that's all for now! The next main installment is still on the way, but I hope this was still fun to read. Link to comment
Blah!? Posted February 26, 2020 Author Share Posted February 26, 2020 Here's another prompt quickie, about Jade and another character that I honestly didn't think anyone would care about lol This one fits in somewhere between chapters 5 and 6. ----- The Seat of Divinity was thought by most mortals to be a tranquil place. Poised gods and goddesses going about their business running the universe. Nothing could have been further from the truth, and only a select few would ever glimpse how truly chaotic the pantheon could be. “Hih… Hehhh… HeiiShhooo!” Goddess Eshena bobbed forward and sneezed powerfully into a tissue. She took a deep breath and loudly blew her nose, and then she sank back into her office chair with an inelegant snuffle. Pinching the bridge of her nose, Eshena nudged her glasses up onto her forehead and groaned before slumping forward and laying on top of her desk. “I’m a goddess, dammit!” she moaned, her voice muffled by her folded forearms. “Why do I have to have a cold!?” A sudden thud on her desk snapped her out of her moping, but what she saw when she looked up only made her feel worse. A fresh stack of prayers had been delivered right to her. Eshena nearly began to weep. She cupped her hands over her face and let out an agonized but muffled scream. Finally, the goddess pulled the first prayer from the stack with her left hand and simultaneously plucked a new tissue from the box on her desk with her right. Eshena’s eyes glazed over as she read, focusing more on sniffling and sneezing her way through her supply of tissues. Eventually a particularly strong “HeiiSHOOOH!!!” made her head swim, and she let herself fall back into her chair for a moment to recuperate. Once Eshena regained her composure, she straightened up and took a moment to actually read the prayer in her hand, whispering it aloud as she scanned the contents. “Greetings Goddess Eshena, my name is Jade Cobble.” Eshena paused to sniff and wipe her nose on the back of her hand before continuing. “I am a humble cleric of Ophine, but I believe a certain Jim Graves is a mutual acquaintance of ours, and I know he’s been struggling a bit to find his place. I was hoping that you might be able to help him better understand how he came to be in this world-” Reflexively crumpling the prayer in disgust, Eshena collapsed back into her chair again. “Ugh! Even when I’m sick this infuriating man still finds ways to bother me! If he wants to know how he died so badly, he can figure it out himsehh… Hehh! Hh-hheeh!” Feeling another sneeze coming on, Eshena felt around on her desk for her tissue box. Her hand managed to find it, but to her dismay it was empty. With no other recourse, she grabbed Jade’s prayer with both hands and used it to smother a powerful “HeiighSHOOOO!!!” Before even opening her eyes, Eshena took a deep breath and blew her nose into the paper. She lightly shook her head to alternate nostrils, unknowingly smearing ink all over her nose. Once she stopped and realized what she’d done, however, she felt rather embarrassed. Remorseful even, though she would surely never admit it. Blushing indignantly, Eshena rubbed her nose and tossed the damp prayer into the trash. “Well… Um. N-not like I would have granted it anyway…” — “Ah… Aahh… Aaahh-! Ack-CHYEEEW!!!” Jade’s loud sneeze echoed around the temple, causing the bashful cleric to blush furiously and shrink away. A priestess approached her with a motherly smile and a tissue in hand. “Oh my, Jade. That was quite a sneeze. Here,” she said, holding the tissue out between two fingers. Jade gratefully accepted it, continuing to blush. “Thank you, Sister Priven. Excuse me.” Jade sniffed, frowning at how suddenly congested she felt. Holding the tissue carefully under her nose, she took a deep breath and gave a long but soft blow. “Are you feeling alright, Jade?” asked Sister Priven. “I was a minute ago,” Jade replied, gently wiping her nose with the tissue. “But now I feel like I might be coming down with something…” Link to comment
NickG1998 Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 Please continue this epic story and keep up the amazing work Link to comment
Blah!? Posted March 31, 2020 Author Share Posted March 31, 2020 By some miracle I actually managed to write another chapter. This one is still in the same gloomy realm as chapter 6, but I hope at least someone here will like it. As bittersweet as some of these stories may have seemed, I do still genuinely enjoy writing them. I feel like this might be the shortest chapter so far, but I don't know if I could squeeze more out of it without ruining what I have. Plus, I finally managed to put some focus on a thus far rather neglected character, so I'm definitely pleased with that. ----- Chapter 7 Komithe’s birthday is coming up soon. I completely forgot. And I haven’t gotten her anything yet. What a wonderful goddamn friend I’ve been. To make matters worse, I want to get her something special. Not just some random novelty, but something she’d really like. Problem is, I wasn’t sure what that would actually be. I felt kind of guilty for not being able to figure it out, like a real friend would just know. Still, doing something nice for her was ultimately more important than feeling sorry for myself, so I pressed on. Sometimes Komithe went out by herself. She’d tell us when she was leaving, but rarely what she was going to do. No one really seemed bothered by it: if she wanted some time to herself, that was perfectly fine with us. I decided to take advantage of one such moment, and after waiting a few minutes to make sure she wouldn’t suddenly come back to the house, I climbed the stairs to the top of the tower and stepped into her bedroom. Even before we’d decorated our living spaces, the tower bedroom was already the coolest place in the house. Now that Komithe had made it her own, it had an almost magical quality to it. The lighting was a bit dimmer than most of the other rooms, and the air smelled faintly of lavender. I couldn’t help but smile as I glanced at her bed: half of it was covered in stuffed animals, from the one that I got at the Summer Festival to a dozen others that I didn’t recognize. “Hello?” came Jade’s voice from below. “Komithe, is that you?” “It’s me, Jade,” I replied, starting to feel a pit in my stomach. “Sorry.” “Oh. What’s going on?” Jade asked, starting to emerge from the staircase. I scratched the back of my head and shrugged. “I’m just… Trying to figure out what to get Komithe for her birthday. I feel bad sneaking around in her room like this…” Jade giggled softly as she approached. “I don’t think she’ll mind,” she said, “I’m sure you’ll get her something nice.” “I hope so. But I don’t know what. Mind if I ask if you got her anything?” Jade smiled and nodded. “A stuffed animal,” she said, nodding toward Komithe’s bed. “I think we all know how much she loves them. It’s so sweet how she has a whole stuffed animal family up here. I just hope she likes the one I got her.” I chuckled and glanced at the strange spherical bear that I’d given to Komithe a few months ago. “I’m pretty sure Komithe loves every stuffed animal ever made. You could give her one that’s been ripped in half and she’d still want to give it a hug.” “Well, there you go,” Jade chirped, lightly tapping my forearm. “You don’t have to do anything too crazy. She’ll appreciate any gift more just knowing you chose it for her.” “You’re probably right,” I replied, running my hand up the back of my head. I knew I shouldn’t be getting so hung up on it, but at the same time, there was still just nothing coming to me. I turned to Jade to see if she had any other ideas, but to my surprise I found her frozen in place, one hand dangling limply in front of her. “Jade?” “Ack-CHYEEEW!!!” Jade doubled over with a huge sneeze, so loud and sudden that I jumped back half a step. She cupped her hands over her nose and started to blush as she straightened up, and then she moved one hand under her nostrils to cover them with her outstretched fingers. “Sorry!” Jade said with a shy smile. “I just really had to sneeze! I think it’s all of Komithe’s perfumes. They’re tickling my nose!” Following Jade’s gaze, I looked over my shoulder at the set of shelves Komithe had mounted on the wall. They were lined from end to end with dozens of different perfumes: many were variations on some kind of lavender fragrance, but there were tons of others I couldn’t even begin to place. Turning back to Jade, I walked up to her and teasingly ruffled her green hair. “Well, I’ll take it as a sign to stop snooping around in her room,” I said, bringing my hand down to Jade’s shoulder. She blew a lock of hair away from her face and smiled. “Alright,” Jade replied, briefly placing a hand on mine before heading back down the stairs. Once we arrived at the entryway, both of us took a deep breath and sighed. Before we could truly relax, however, the unmistakable sound of cursing filtered in through the far side of the house. Jade and I turned to look out the sliding door at the end of the living room, and who did we find but Penny in the middle of climbing down the wall between us and the next house over, one foot caught in the hedges. “You, uh, need some help there?” I asked, opening the door and poking my head outside. Penny shook her head, scowling and thrashing her leg up and down. “No, no, everything’s fine!” she grumbled, pulling at the branches. I glanced over at Jade to find her covering her mouth with one hand and trying not to laugh. Penny shortly gave up and drew one of her knives, furiously hacking at the hedges until she finally came free. I stepped out of the way just in time for her to come tumbling through the door, landing on her back. “Hey guys,” she said, breathing heavily and smiling up at us. I glanced back and forth between her and the mangled branches by the wall. “Never took you for a gardener.” Penny shrugged. “It’s experimental.” Penny pulled her legs back and then leapt up to her feet as Jade closed the sliding door. “Thinking of trying out a sword?” she asked, looking down at Penny’s hip. I don’t know how I didn’t notice if before, but she had a fancy basket-hilted rapier hanging from her belt. Penny grinned and swiftly drew the weapon, swiping it back and forth through the air. “Check it out! I got it for Komithe, for her birthday.” “Hih… Ah-CHEEW!” Suddenly, Jade buried her face in her elbow and sneezed. Penny stopped flailing the sword around and pointed it down at the floor. “Gesundheit.” “Whew… Excuse me…” “Anyway, Komithe can use it for her poof-poof thing-” Jade and I both gave a sudden snort of laughter. “Her poof-poof thing?” I asked, resting a hand on my hip. Penny shrugged. “Yeah, you know. The thing where she goes poof! And then wh’shaaa!” Penny mimed Komithe summoning her weapon. Jade and I snickered again. This time, Penny scowled and started to blush angrily. “Look, I don’t know what it’s called! I try to do something nice and you two just standing here judgin’ me!” “And where, exactly, did you get this thing, anyway?” Penny’s mouth fell agape, her scowl continuing. “I didn’t steal it, okay!? I don’t steal everything!” “Ah-Ahh… Ack-CHEEEW!” Jade interrupted us with another sneeze, this one louder and more desperate. Penny and I watched her as she rubbed gently back and forth under her nose, looking like she wasn’t quite finished. “Gesundheit,” Penny repeated. Jade sighed, staring down the bridge of her nose with a hint of worry. “Thanks. I don’t know what’s come over me, I-” Still holding a finger under her nostrils, Jade narrowed her eyes. “Penny, you’re covered in pollen!” Looking at her again, she did indeed have a faint layer of yellow all over her clothes and hair. Penny chuckled, checking herself over. “Ha, I guess I am. Neighbor’s flowers are blooming.” Penny began to brush herself off, causing Jade to recoil away from the clouds of pollen she kicked up. “Penny! Ahh… Ha-CHYEEW!” Jade rubbed her nose again after another sneeze, and the instant she stopped, Penny was upon her. Throwing one arm around the cleric’s shoulders, Penny leaned her face in close to Jade’s and began to tickle the underside of her nose with a fingertip. “Aw, Jade. I’m so sorry!” she teased, making a kissy face. Jade weakly tried to push her back, but she was too distracted by another building sneeze to muster any strength. “Ah… Ahhh… Aaahhh…! Ahh-CHYEEEEW!!!” Jade’s next sneeze was strong enough that she managed to jolt herself free. She shoved Penny away, and she immediately took off running for the front door. Penny succumbed to a fit of snorting laughter, pointing at Jade as she fled. She could be rude, but this seemed more mean-spirited than usual. After giving Penny a confused frown, I followed Jade outside to find her leaning up against one of the pillars by the door and blowing her nose into a tissue. “You okay?” Jade sniffed and nodded, gently wiping her nostrils with the tissue. “I’m fine. Penny just… Really gets up my nose sometimes.” I smirked, but Jade didn’t seem to notice her own turn of phrase. I decided not to point it out. “I don’t think she means it. Mostly…” I offered. Jade sighed, but she smiled. “I know… Anyway, I, um… I need to do some shopping. Want to come with me?” she asked, rubbing under her nose a bit more. “Maybe you’ll find something nice for Komithe.” And so Jade and I set off into town. I pondered Penny’s behavior a bit more, and fortunately Jade seemed to get some of her usual spirit back. She hummed to herself happily as we walked, but eventually we passed by a stall selling various colorful flowers. Jade sniffed and scrunched up her face, stepping around behind me to put some distance between herself and the flowers. She didn’t sneeze, but she did start to furiously rub two fingers back and forth under her nose. “Goodness, my allergies today…” Jade sighed, gently holding her nostrils shut until we’d gotten away from the flowers. “I think they’re worse than normal, but I don’t know why. Maybe it’s… Seasonal?” Jade rubbed her nose again and placed her hand on her chin as she pondered. Drawing a blank, she let her face fall into her palms as she gave a defeated groan. I reached a hand toward her to give her a pat on the back, but before I could… “Ha-CHHH!!!” Jade gave a strong but muffled sneeze into her hands, managing to suppress the usual squeaky sound. She started to tremble, and I relaxed immensely once I realized she was laughing. Still covering her nose and mouth, she turned to look at me. “What’s so funny?” I asked, starting to chuckle a bit myself. Jade blushed and shook her head. “I don’t know!” she giggled, continuing to smile even as she rubbed at the lingering tickle in her nose. “Well, bless you-” A sudden firm hand on my shoulder broke my train of thought. Startled, I whirled around to find some guy in silver armor standing right behind me. I opened my mouth and my throat made a noise, but again he cut me off. “Good day, civilian!” ‘Civilian’? What the hell is he- ...Oh. Shit. “You look like a strapping, capable young man! How would you like to join a guild that can put your talents to good use?” he asked, holding up a sheet of paper in his other hand. I didn’t read the whole thing, but my suspicions were confirmed when I saw “Ensorcell” and “application” printed across the top. “I mean, I already got a team,” I replied, nodding to Jade. Still rubbing her nose, she waved and smiled bashfully. To my surprise, the dude didn’t so much as glance at her. Didn’t even blink. His smile did take on a disappointed tinge, however. “Well, if you ever start to feel like life’s not as rewarding as it could be, you know where to go!” Giving the guy a suspicious stare, I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and started to walk away. “Yeah. Sure.” Jade quickly followed alongside me, occasionally looking back at the recruiter. “Who was that?” she asked with a soft sniff. “No idea. Somebody from that Ensorcell guild. I don’t know what they’re up to, but I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” Jade and I arrived at the market square, and it felt like everybody from the entire town was there. We had to squeeze our way through the crowd just to get to the first stall, though along the way I noticed something that put me on edge. Groups of three or four bright red helmets peeking out above everyone else. As I waited for Jade to buy her first few things, I thought back on if I’d ever seen Ensorcell around before. That night at the farm was definitely the first time I’d heard the name, but were these red helmet guys always around and I just never noticed them before? They couldn’t have only just shown up in town in the past couple weeks. Maybe they were always here, and just the uniforms are new… “Ah… Ha-CHH!” Jade sneezed again, muffling it into a tissue. For better or worse, her apparent discomfort managed to pull me back to reality. “Doing alright?” I asked. Jade nodded, gently wiping her nose. “Yeah, just allergies… I should get tissues!” There was, in fact, a vendor selling tissues. I still didn’t quite get how this place managed to have a bunch of implausible things from my world but be completely clueless about others. But whatever, we already had a bunch of tissues at home, and they must’ve come from somewhere. Jade grabbed three boxes, immediately tearing one open to blow her nose again, and then she carried on with a spring in her step. I was the pack mule, but honestly I didn’t mind. It was just nice to see her in a good mood- “Hey there.” Another hand on my shoulder. Jade didn’t seem to notice, so I tried to keep walking before she disappeared into the crowd. The hand gripped tighter, and I had no choice but to stop. Another guy about my age, this one with a different make of armor but with the same obnoxious silver sheen. “I bet I could help you with that,” he said, nodding to my grocery bag. “I kinda doubt that,” I replied, moving the bag slightly away from him. He held up a hand and smiled smugly. “Well, at Ensorcell, everyone carries their own weight. No one needs to worry about… Favors going unrewarded.” “Have a nice day, sir,” I said through a scowl, taking a step forward. The guy still didn’t let go of me. Just as I was about to wrench myself away, Jade stepped back through the crowd, apparently noticing I’d stopped following her. “Jim? Is everything okay?” she asked, briefly glancing at the Ensorcell recruiter. He immediately took his hand off my shoulder, and as he turned away, I swear I noticed a sudden look of disgust on his face. Looking back at Jade, I sighed and resumed following. “I… Don’t know.” After just short of two hours of shopping, Jade and I were fully loaded with grocery bags. We probably picked up a bit too much stuff. Jade had to stop and set everything down just so she could sneeze and blow her nose on the way home. Still, things at least got a little more comfortable once we got away from the crowded market. “Do you mind if we stop at the temple?” Jade asked, smiling timidly. “You don’t have to wait for me if you don’t want to.” I thought for a moment, gazing up at the sky. Feeling the sun on my face and a breeze in my hair, I smiled and turned back to Jade with a nod. “Sure, I’ll go with you.” Honestly I’d never just gone to the temple before. Basically just to meet Jade, or if I needed some healing magic, or that one time when… The priests and clerics were perfectly nice, but so far my only experience with the deities of this world was with Eshena, and she’s… Well… Honestly she kinda sucks, so I was never in much of a hurry to pay the place a visit. But, given the day Jade had been having, I thought it was the least I could do to be supportive. The temple was one of the larger buildings in town, and I supposed that made sense given it was dedicated to basically the entire pantheon. Several smaller chapels branched off from the larger main hall, and Jade led me into one of them toward the back of the building. Our footsteps echoed, and aside from a few whispers from other visitors, the place was pretty much silent. When we arrived at the chapel of Ophine, I sat down to look after our stuff while Jade knelt in front of a statue of the goddess at the far end of the room. She didn’t say anything, but at one point she did stop to blow her nose, clearly trying to be as quiet as she could. Jade whispered an embarrassed apology to the priestess beside her, and I couldn’t help but smile. Ophine was a goddess of the earth and fertility, and I could tell just from her enthusiasm that she was very important to Jade. A few minutes later, Jade returned. With a smile and a nod, we gathered up our groceries and started making our way back toward the entrance. Feeling an unexpected curiosity, I turned to Jade as we walked to ask her how things went. “Did you, uh… Ask for anything?” Jade smiled and shook her head. “When I pray to Ophine, I don’t really ask for things, you know? I just like to tell her about my day, and I let her know about any problems I’m facing, but that’s it, I don’t usually make any requests. Like, I told her I’m a little frustrated that my allergies are acting up, and… I feel like Penny’s being a bit strange around me…” I frowned and glanced off to the side. I’d noticed the same thing, but I didn’t really know why either. Still, Jade recovered quickly and resumed her explanation. “Ophine is… She’s almost like my big sister, in a way. I just like to let her know how I’m doing.” “That’s… Really nice,” I whispered back. Jade’s happiness was infectious. She gave me a big smile, and I couldn’t stop grinning as we walked down the steps outside the temple. Once we reached the bottom, we paused and took a deep breath. The sun wasn’t setting just yet, but I could tell it was starting to get late. If our hands weren’t so full, I’d’ve been thinking about grabbing something for dinner on the way back… “Ah… Ack-CHEEW!” Jade doubled over with a big sneeze, stumbling a bit with the weight of all her groceries. I opened my mouth to bless her, but she suddenly gasped. Thinking she was about to sneeze again, I was a bit shocked when she suddenly turned to stare at me, her mouth agape. “Did you find something for Komithe?” Sand of the beach… “Dammit, I forgot again…” “Well, maybe we’ll find something on the way home!” We didn’t go back to the market square, thank god, but there were plenty of other places to shop. Steering clear of the ones selling flowers, eventually we happened upon one that looked like it could be just what I needed. An elderly, bearded gnome sat behind the counter, and I couldn’t even see his eyes through his bushy eyebrows. He didn’t say anything as we approached, but he did give us a nod and a faint smile. Setting our groceries down on the ground, Jade and I looked over his wares. “Think Komithe needs a boomerang?” “I know I said not to be picky earlier, but… That doesn’t really sound like her.” “Yeah…” “If you really can’t find anything, you could give her your ring of mind shielding…” “Wait, really?” I stammered, taking half a step back. “But isn’t that kind of… Er…” I think my face started to feel a bit warm… Jade smiled awkwardly and held up her hands. “It was a joke! I’m sorry if that was weird- Oh!” Jade gave a start and turned to face away from me. Looking around behind her, I saw a little human boy tugging at the side of her robes. Couldn’t have been more than ten, probably not even. “Hi there!” greeted Jade, kneeling down to roughly his height. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and smiled warmly. “Is everything alright? Are you lost?” The boy shook his head. “I’m okay,” he said, his voice quiet and nervous. He briefly looked up at Jade before averting his eyes, reaching one hand across his chest to grab his opposite elbow. “Just wanted to say hi…” I had a feeling I knew where this was going. I quickly looked around to see if any of the kid’s snickering friends had put him up to this, but aside from another gnome loading some boxes behind the stall, the street was pretty much empty. I couldn’t help but listen in, but I decided to turn my attention back to the merchant, maybe give them a little “privacy.” “You’re… Y-you’re really pretty, lady.” “Aww! That’s so sweet, thank you so much!” “You can have this…” Alright, alright, I looked! The boy was holding out a big blue flower, almost like a rose. Before I could stop her, Jade took it, brought it up to her nose and gave it a good sniff. “Jade! Uh…” Amazingly, she didn’t sneeze. Jade was definitely the type to hold it back for the kid’s sake, but she didn’t even look like she needed to. Letting out a relaxed sigh, she lowered the flower and gave a beaming smile. “I love it!” Good for her. On top of being genuinely grateful, Jade seemed so excited to have finally found a flower that didn’t make her sneeze. But, just as she brought it back up to her nose to sniff it again, I noticed someone quickly approaching out of the corner of my eye. A man wearing silver robes and a red circlet. God dammit. Most of the other Ensorcell guys I’d seen looked to be about my age, though this one seemed a bit older. Right around the age to maybe be… “I thought I told you not to speak to people like that!” He grabbed the boy by the wrist and started dragging him away. His voice was hushed, but I could still hear it perfectly fine, almost like he wanted me to. That said, I’m sure it wasn’t meant for me… By the time Jade returned to her feet, the two of them rounded a corner and disappeared. She didn’t seem visibly upset when she looked back at me, but I swear I could just see something in her eyes. “I tell you, that guild’s getting out of hand,” said the gnome at the stall. I scowled, my shoulders sagging. “Sure seems like it. You know anything about them?” The gnome took a deep breath and sighed. “Not much. Heard some folks they’re trying to muscle out the volunteer guard for town security, and they’re starting to patrol the roads. Don’t know where they’re based, but I don’t see ‘em back where I’m from anyhow.” “You’re not from around here?” asked Jade, cocking her head to one side. The gnome shook his head. “My niece and I are heading home tomorrow. We make the trip out here every few weeks to see what we can sell.” “Got a shop back home?” “You know it. Much bigger selection than what we can bring. Why, you lookin’ for something in particular?” I shrugged and shook my head dejectedly. “I don’t know… I’m trying to find a gift for a friend, but I have no idea what to get her…” To my surprise, the gnome started to laugh. Rather uproariously at that. “Ha! Trying to find the right gift for a lady friend, huh?” “Well-! She’s uh…” “I tell you what. You look like you know your way around a blade.” “Yeah?” “I already hired one guard for the trip home, but if you wanna come along as some extra muscle, I’d be happy to let you pick something from the shop.” I turned to Jade, shrugging and giving a half smile. Jade shrugged back. “Well, I don’t know if you need to go on a whole quest just to get a birthday present,” she said with a friendly giggle, in the process of tucking the flower into her hair. “But if you think that’ll help you decide on something, I’d say it’s worth it. Just make sure you get back in time!” “Bah, it’ll be fine! Alright, let’s do it.” The gnome and I exchanged information, and then Jade and I finally made our way back to the house. I didn’t see Komithe’s boots in the entryway, so I quickly peeked around the corner into the living room. “Hey, did Komithe ever come back?” I asked, raising my voice in case no one was on the first floor. Penny sat up on one of the couches, looking a bit bewildered. “Nah,” she said, rubbing one eye and yawning. I sighed, setting my grocery bags down and starting to untie my shoes. “I hope she’s doing alright,” I mumbled, glancing over at Jade. I felt a pit in my stomach as I caught a brief glimpse of her face. She looked upset, but I didn’t know what to say. I had a feeling I knew why, but just… “Thanks for your help today,” said Jade, pausing next to me before carrying the stuff we’d bought into the kitchen. Her smile seemed simultaneously genuine but also forced. I nodded and tried to smile back, but I’m sure she could tell I’d noticed. As Jade started to organize the kitchen, Penny stood up from the couch and cautiously made her way over. She stood just outside the kitchen, awkwardly shifting her weight. Finally she raised a hand and took another step forward. “Hey, Jade… I, uh… Do you need any help?” The sounds of kitchen work stopped. I heard a few footsteps on the wood floor, followed by a sigh. “If you want to help… You can give me a hug. Please.” Penny immediately put her arms around Jade, partially disappearing behind the wall. That put a proper smile on my face. Deciding to give them a moment, I finished taking off my shoes and started to make my way upstairs. Even still, I couldn’t help but steal another glance from halfway up the steps. Penny and Jade had started to sway gently from side to side, each rubbing the other’s back. Finally I pulled away, heading up to my bedroom. Suddenly feeling rather tired, I immediately laid down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. I was worried about Komithe, about Jade, about Penny… All of them, but I didn’t actually know what to do. What could I do to help any of them? I’m their friend, and as weird as it was at first, they all helped me when I showed up in this unfamiliar world. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to clear my head. I could hear Penny and Jade talking downstairs, though their voices were muffled through the floorboard. I couldn’t make out anything they were saying, at least until… “Hehh! HeyeeSHOOO! Hh-heh! HYEESHHH!!! Heh-Hehh-HEYEEESHHHOOOOO!!!” Well, I guess someone’s allergic to that flower after all… ----- And that's all for chapter 7. I hope you all enjoyed, and as always any feedback or constructive criticism is more than welcome. If everything goes according to plan, chapter 8 will be a bit of a return to form in some ways, but hopefully still something fresh and new. Thanks for reading! Link to comment
47Bears Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 I really liked this latest part. It’s always nice to see more from you and especially this story Link to comment
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