Nonbinary Genders + PSA: The pronoun field of your forum profile is not for decoration

[bloom]

Sorry, I've been having a really hard time holding my tongue about this. I've noticed that a lot of people on the forum have been putting nonsense in their pronoun fields instead of using it as intended and I need to clarify what it is and why it's there, because people seem to be very confused.

Firstly, a pronoun is a noun that takes the place of a person, place, or thing. They are used as linguistic lubricant so we don't end up with sentences like "Anna put on Anna's shoes and got into Anna's car so Anna could go to the store to buy Anna's favorite candy." That is very cumbersome, as you can see. Examples of pronouns are as follows:

Ralee loves bees. That's why she has one as her avatar.
Today was Icarus Rex's birthday. I hope he had a good one.
Quing Nerd has no idea that I'm using hir pronouns as an example here. Hopefully xe won't mind.
This is an issue very close to Junia's heart; that's why they started this thread.

Why is this important? And why should you not joke around in the pronoun field?

Basically what it boils down to is that there are people of nonbinary gender on the forum. This would take a long time for me to explain and this post will already be quite long, but the long and short of it is that there are people whose gender is not 'woman' or 'man.' Many of them (myself included) use pronouns other than 'he' or 'she' because we feel that those pronouns don't encapsulate our gender identities adequately. It really hurts to be misgendered. (Aside: some nonbinary people are comfortable with binary pronouns, but this is about the nonbinary ones.) Some pronouns, like xe/hir, can be tricky to wrap your head around at first, but it's always okay to ask for clarification. Most people who use alternative pronouns are happy to explain them in order to be gendered correctly.

A lot of people see nonbinary genders as a joke or a symptom of Special Snowflake Disorder. This is difficult for me to address, because as a nonbinary person, obviously that is very personal to me. But it's really offensive, dehumanizing, disrespectful, and invalidating to treat it as a joke. People don't choose to be trans or nonbinary.

I don't think that everybody who was misusing these fields was setting out to cause offense on purpose, but I wanted to make it clear that by putting jokes in the pronoun field, you are, intentionally or not, furthering the idea that nonbinary genders and the idea of alternative pronouns  are jokes. And that's something that really stings for a lot of the nonbinary people on the forum. So if you have a joke in there, I and many other nonbinary people would really appreciate it if you would take the time to correct it. Thank you.

Another thing I wanted to mention is that even if you're cis, putting your pronouns in the pronoun field goes a long way to help normalize the concept of preferred pronouns, so don't feel as if you should leave that to trans and nonbinary people! If you don't want to, that's absolutely fine, of course, but it might be helpful to us if you did, too.

If anybody has questions about pronouns or about nonbinary genders, please feel free to ask them. There are quite a few of us here who I'm sure would be happy to field questions!

[Arty]

I actually want to know what is xe/hir? Is it a mixture of the pronoun he and her? 

[bloom]

Just now, Artygirl22 said:

I actually want to know what is xe/hir? Is it a mixture of the pronoun he and her? 

No, not really, it's just a nonbinary pronoun and not related to the other binary sets. 'xe' is pronounced like 'zee' and 'hir' is pronounced roughly like 'heer.'

[Arty]

Oh ok. Thank you. I know the other pronouns but never heard of those two.

Edit: I looked them up and basically it's gender neutral pronouns. Ah ok! 

[Dusty15]

This is a good basic outline of some of the more commonly used non-binary pronouns.

https://uwm.edu/lgbtrc/support/gender-pronouns/

People have proposed different ones over the years, but zie/zir, xe/xyr, and sie/hir are some of the more common.

[murphy dee]

22 minutes ago, Junia said:

Another thing I wanted to mention is that even if you're cis, putting your pronouns in the pronoun field goes a long way to help normalize the concept of preferred pronouns, so don't feel as if you should leave that to trans and nonbinary people!

Good to know!  I felt sort of awkward putting my pronouns up because it felt a little to me as if I was like...co-opting something for trans/nb people??  Didn't want to step on anyone's toes.  But you're right, if everyone starts to do it then it'll hopefully start getting seen as more of a normal thing to not assume someone's pronouns before being made aware of them.

[Cutelittlenose]

How do I get used to seeing or using nonbinary pronouns? To all of the sudden see "Xir" or something similar feels jarring in text. I've never met someone in real life that uses such pronouns openly either.

I don't have my pronouns up, but I guess I should. I always felt it was a little useless if gender was displayed as well.

I wonder why people are comfortable using/creating made-up words to feel comfortable? And how's the decision made to figure out like: "I want to be called by the pronoun zer." or something.

I understand why not many people would be out yet in real life to never hear it [alternate pronouns], but I wonder why use it online? Why type of outlet do the pronouns give?

Although, I must admit I do feel angry when people announce their pronouns as "potato" because its silly and insulting.

I'm just having a hard time understanding a lot. Like, generally do one set of people lean towards pronoun "x" because they feel more feminine while other prefer pronoun "Y" and yet another take pronoun "n". Or merely personal preference?

Like, I know as a physically disabled person the challenges of fighting against names/name-calling and people claiming you're something you're not.

I wonder why this feels like "othering" for the purpose of safety or identity. But its not really.

Sorry, I'm confused and I didn't mean to offend anyone. But if someone could help me understand "why" behind several points that would be great. This took a while to write because one of my keys are stuck and keep going off.

Can one of the mods mind putting my pronouns (she/her) in my profile if I can't do so?

 

Staff note -  ^ done! (Joal)

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

Well, I imagine the same way you'd get used to seeing any other new vocabulary words. Here, have another one! Lugubrious. Congratulations on learning three new words today.

Also, i mean, it depends on what you consider "real life" but hi, hello, nice to meet you! I am a real person and my life is pretty real! I use these pronouns.

Also oooooh buddy, my guy, my fella, oh man oh boy do i have some startling news to tell you about words. You may want to sit down. Are. Are you sitting down? All of the words are made up. All of them. This one. These ones. None of them are found growing naturally in the wild. Don't tell anyone.  

Ok but slight levels of sassiness aside, on a serious few notes: 

Literally, people make up words in order to convey meaning as accurately as possible. When words we have already made up do not do the job well enough, we as a society create new ones. Just last year, in fact, ALL THESE WORDS were added to the English Oxford Dictionary. Brand new words! Language is constantly evolving. 

As far as why people like pronouns.... well... i mean for the same reason that anyone likes "she" or "he". It accurately describes them. If someone uses "she" and she has her entire life, if someone is talking about her and says "he" it's insulting! It's just as insulting if someone uses "they" and someone calls them a "he". It's the same exact thing.

The internet does provide a much needed safe space for moral support and acceptance that many people do not find in their outside life, and this applies to many more issues than gender as i am certain you are aware. It's important to have somewhere that you can be yourself, even if it is only online. It is important to have people who accept you as you are, without pretending to be who they think you 'should' be. As this applies to all other aspects of a person's life, it applies with matters of gender as well.

Generally, it's best to ask someone what pronouns they use if you aren't sure! There's no set "groups". That's kind of the whole reason we have a pronouns field in the first place

 

[truth]

thank you for making this post! i think it really needed to be said

for anyone who's reading this and is like 'no!! new pronouns are too confusing!' i have to say that they reaallly aren't. from what i've seen, people who say nonbinary pronouns are confusing or 'weird' haven't tried using them for someone yet. of course, learning something new takes time, so if you find yourself tripping over someone's pronouns at first, that's perfectly okay (in my book), as long as you make an effort to get them right. doing this is quite simple and shows a basic level of respect for the person you're addressing. even if you don't like this person, or you're mad, still use the correct pronouns for them

gosh i feel like a dork writing this i never contribute to threads but i hope this makes sense/is useful

[Cutelittlenose]

24 minutes ago, Quing Nerd said:

Well, I imagine the same way you'd get used to seeing any other new vocabulary words. Here, have another one! Lugubrious. Congratulations on learning three new words today.

Also, i mean, it depends on what you consider "real life" but hi, hello, nice to meet you! I am a real person and my life is pretty real! I use these pronouns.

Also oooooh buddy, my guy, my fella, oh man oh boy do i have some startling news to tell you about words. You may want to sit down. Are. Are you sitting down? All of the words are made up. All of them. This one. These ones. None of them are found growing naturally in the wild. Don't tell anyone.  

Ok but slight levels of sassiness aside, on a serious few notes: 

Literally, people make up words in order to convey meaning as accurately as possible. When words we have already made up do not do the job well enough, we as a society create new ones. Just last year, in fact, ALL THESE WORDS were added to the English Oxford Dictionary. Brand new words! Language is constantly evolving. 

As far as why people like pronouns.... well... i mean for the same reason that anyone likes "she" or "he". It accurately describes them. If someone uses "she" and she has her entire life, if someone is talking about her and says "he" it's insulting! It's just as insulting if someone uses "they" and someone calls them a "he". It's the same exact thing.

The internet does provide a much needed safe space for moral support and acceptance that many people do not find in their outside life, and this applies to many more issues than gender as i am certain you are aware. It's important to have somewhere that you can be yourself, even if it is only online. It is important to have people who accept you as you are, without pretending to be who they think you 'should' be. As this applies to all other aspects of a person's life, it applies with matters of gender as well.

Generally, it's best to ask someone what pronouns they use if you aren't sure! There's no set "groups". That's kind of the whole reason we have a pronouns field in the first place

 

 

1 minute ago, truth said:

thank you for making this post! i think it really needed to be said

for anyone who's reading this and is like 'no!! new pronouns are too confusing!' i have to say that they reaallly aren't. from what i've seen, people who say nonbinary pronouns are confusing or 'weird' haven't tried using them for someone yet. of course, learning something new takes time, so if you find yourself tripping over someone's pronouns at first, that's perfectly okay (in my book), as long as you make an effort to get them right. doing this is quite simple and shows a basic level of respect for the person you're addressing. even if you don't like this person, or you're mad, still use the correct pronouns for them

gosh i feel like a dork writing this i never contribute to threads but i hope this makes sense/is useful

Oh, okay. Thanks, you two. It makes more sense,

((Made short because of stuck key.))

[Icarus Rex]

Hey, @Cutelittlenose, I'm going to try to address your comment, point-by-point, from my own experience. If anyone else wants to respond, as well, please feel free:
 

Quote

How do I get used to seeing or using nonbinary pronouns? To all of the sudden see "Xir" or something similar feels jarring in text. I've never met someone in real life that uses such pronouns openly either.

Language is constantly changing out of necessity. For instance, "selfies" became such a common concept after smartphones were invented that we all started using that word. It's even been added to the dictionary-- after such a short period of time, too. And, to be frank, being misgendered is more jarring than being confronted with new terms.

I would guess that there are two main reasons you have never met anyone who uses nonbinary pronouns in your daily life: 1. Nonbinary people are a minority, 2. A LOT of nonbinary people are closeted out of fear of ridicule, or fear for their own safety.

 

Quote

I don't have my pronouns up, but I guess I should. I always felt it was a little useless if gender was displayed as well.

True, if you are someone with a binary gender identity, then listing your pronouns is redundant, so it's up to you whether you want to do this. However, as Junia and murphy dee discussed above, it does help normalize the concept of not making assumptions about someone's gender identity based on things like their name, their appearance, etc.

 

Quote

I wonder why people are comfortable using/creating made-up words to feel comfortable? And how's the decision made to figure out like: "I want to be called by the pronoun zer." or something.

A lot of people feel that the existing language isn't adequate to describe their experience. It's a little bit trial-and-error with some of the "new" pronouns, but it's usually a group decision among people who need these words, rather than an individual choice. For instance, a lot of people use the singular "they" because it's an already-familiar word that exists in English, whereas other people might prefer "xe" because it fits them better and they feel there is more clarity in using a new word instead of a pre-existing one.

 

Quote

I understand why not many people would be out yet in real life to never hear it [alternate pronouns], but I wonder why use it online? Why type of outlet do the pronouns give?

The same reason anyone would post anything online that they don't feel comfortable/safe enough to share in person. There's a lot less at stake in coming out to an online audience vs. coming out to your family, for instance.

 

Quote

I'm just having a hard time understanding a lot. Like, generally do one set of people lean towards pronoun "x" because they feel more feminine while other prefer pronoun "Y" and yet another take pronoun "n". Or merely personal preference?

I don't quite understand your question here. Nonbinary pronouns exist to be neutral or apart from "male" and "female" pronouns. Like I said, a lot of the neutral sets are sort of new, so it's true that which set someone uses is a matter of personal preference, at this juncture.
 

Quote

I wonder why this feels like "othering" for the purpose of safety or identity. But its not really.

If someone asks to be called something specific, then you aren't "othering" them by honoring their wishes.


Everyone's personal experience is going to vary, but I've tried to answer your questions as generally as possible.

ETA: I know this may be redundant, because other people have responded in the time it took me to type this, but still.

[Cutelittlenose]

1 hour ago, Icarus Rex said:

Hey, @Cutelittlenose, I'm going to try to address your comment, point-by-point, from my own experience. If anyone else wants to respond, as well, please feel free:
 

Language is constantly changing out of necessity. For instance, "selfies" became such a common concept after smartphones were invented that we all started using that word. It's even been added to the dictionary-- after such a short period of time, too. And, to be frank, being misgendered is more jarring than being confronted with new terms.

I would guess that there are two main reasons you have never met anyone who uses nonbinary pronouns in your daily life: 1. Nonbinary people are a minority, 2. A LOT of nonbinary people are closeted out of fear of ridicule, or fear for their own safety.

 

True, if you are someone with a binary gender identity, then listing your pronouns is redundant, so it's up to you whether you want to do this. However, as Junia and murphy dee discussed above, it does help normalize the concept of not making assumptions about someone's gender identity based on things like their name, their appearance, etc.

 

A lot of people feel that the existing language isn't adequate to describe their experience. It's a little bit trial-and-error with some of the "new" pronouns, but it's usually a group decision among people who need these words, rather than an individual choice. For instance, a lot of people use the singular "they" because it's an already-familiar word that exists in English, whereas other people might prefer "xe" because it fits them better and they feel there is more clarity in using a new word instead of a pre-existing one.

 

The same reason anyone would post anything online that they don't feel comfortable/safe enough to share in person. There's a lot less at stake in coming out to an online audience vs. coming out to your family, for instance.

 

I don't quite understand your question here. Nonbinary pronouns exist to be neutral or apart from "male" and "female" pronouns. Like I said, a lot of the neutral sets are sort of new, so it's true that which set someone uses is a matter of personal preference, at this juncture.
 

If someone asks to be called something specific, then you aren't "othering" them by honoring their wishes.


Everyone's personal experience is going to vary, but I've tried to answer your questions as generally as possible.

ETA: I know this may be redundant, because other people have responded in the time it took me to type this, but still.

Oh, okay. Thank makes sense. I appreciate it.  Thanks for taking the time to explain everything. I read what @Dusty15 linked to as well. And, yeah, my question about masculine or feminine concerning gender neutral pronouns, now that I look back on it, makes little sense.

Yeah, I guess its hard to make generalizations when literally everyone has a different experience.

Thanks again so much.

[Sitruuna]

I'm actually a littke sad I don't see all the joke "pronouns" because I'm on mobile and would need to check every profile to see people's pronouns...

 

Anyway. To all you who are like "but learning new pronouns is hard and it's weird to see all these pronouns that aren't he or she": Please note that there are people on this forum who have learned a whole new language to be able to communicate with, among other people, you all here. My native language doesn't even have different pronouns for men and women. It might take some time for you to get used to the new words but you can do it.

Also sorry for everyone who I might call "they" instead of what they have listed. The mobile theme doesn't show your pronouns with every post (you have to go to the member's profile to see them).

[Heathcliff]

This is an interesting topic. I hadn't realised some people had been putting stupid things in their pronoun field, and I do hope people will stop doing that. I, like Murphy Dee, felt like it would be weird for me to use the pronoun field because they're the obvious ones for me... but after reading the posts in this thread, I have added mine.

I'd also like to say, in defence of what CuteLittleNose posted- hey, I feel uncomfortable about using very non-standard pronouns too, I don't think there should be any shame in that, as long as you're trying to be accepting to people. Talking to people on this forum has taught me a lot, and I sometimes feel my age (not that 33 is 'old' but a lot of our membership is younger than that). I still struggle with 'they/their' and I really struggle with 'xe/hir'.

Sure, language is always evolving (and anyone who says it isn't is flat-out wrong) but I think this is a special case of people wanting language to evolve quickly, on demand, at a very fundamental level (pronouns). I understand why and I think it's right, but I hope you guys also understand why older people like me will struggle with it at first.

I think the key thing here is respect on both sides- respect for people who want to be called by non-standard pronouns, and also respect for people who may get them wrong because they are getting used to a change in language that goes to the heart of someone's identity.

[bloom]

8 hours ago, Sitruuna said:

My native language doesn't even have different pronouns for men and women.

I am like, sighing dreamily and gazing wistfully into the sunset at this concept.

46 minutes ago, Heathcliff said:

and I really struggle with 'xe/hir'.

Even as an nb person I struggle with this set. In fact I kind of hate it because there are multiple ways to decline it and that makes it very confusing. I really wish there was a standardized neutral set because of this. Personally I really like ey/eir/em:

Ey laughed.
I called em,
Eir eyes gleam.
That is eirs.
Ey likes emself. 

They decline very sensibly and also look like an already-existing pronoun. I would use this set for myself but when I picked my pronouns I was too afraid to try and make people use entirely new ones rather than a pre-existing one. [insert sad trombone noises]

49 minutes ago, Heathcliff said:

I think this is a special case of people wanting language to evolve quickly, on demand, at a very fundamental level (pronouns).

I agree with this (although I would quibble with the word 'wanting' and would instead say 'needing,' but I'm being needlessly pedantic, maybe). It's kind of like baby boomers having aneurysms constantly over technology improving at lighting speed all the time, I guess. It needs to happen, but I think most people who are in need of pronouns like this understand that it's kind of an uphill battle.

[Zwee]

Quote

Personally I really like ey/eir/em:

Ey laughed.
I called em,
Eir eyes gleam.
That is eirs.
Ey likes emself.

Wow, I am kind of ashamed to say I've never heard of this set of pronouns, but I love them!! They look familiar yet beautiful, and they decline really naturally! Most of the nb people I know and interact with use they/them, so I haven't really used a lot of the other pronoun sets, but wow some of them are pretty cool!

 

Also, this post is lovely! Thank you! The joke pronouns I saw were really bothering me, but I wasn't sure it was my place to call everyone out on it. I tried to justify it in my head because I'm generally non-confrontational but honestly a lot of us (me especially) need to be more upfront about issues like this. It can't be solely up to nb members to make changes because, as Junia said, it's a way easier normalization process if everyone is involved. Because honestly, inclusion is (and should be) everyone's issue.

[Sophie<3]

15 hours ago, Quing Nerd said:

Also, i mean, it depends on what you consider "real life" but hi, hello, nice to meet you! I am a real person and my life is pretty real! I use these pronouns.

Also oooooh buddy, my guy, my fella, oh man oh boy do i have some startling news to tell you about words. You may want to sit down. Are. Are you sitting down? All of the words are made up. All of them. This one. These ones. None of them are found growing naturally in the wild. Don't tell anyone.  

Omg, Quing, I kind of lost it at this!  In fact, I'm still laughing! The sass was real with this post! But you went on to explain it really well, too.  

Also good thread! My gender and pronouns (female and she/her) are redundant, but I put them in my profile anyway for those reasons mentioned by Junia. And joke pronouns always kind of upset me, too. It's just so disrespectful.

[ICan'tThinkOfAnything]

I don't believe that displaying both gender and pronouns are redundant whether or not you're binary. When I see someone on the forum whose gender is listed as male/female and whose pronouns are not listed, I still default to they. Why? Because gender doesn't equal pronouns, as I'm sure someone has already said. Female does not mean she, and male does not mean he. Not to mention there are male-aligned or female-aligned nonbinary individuals who might label themselves as male or female because it feels right, or for simplicity's sake. Telling me that you're female does not tell me what pronouns you use, just like telling me what pronouns you use doesn't tell me what your gender is. So, yes. Please, if you're cis/binary, list both gender *and* pronouns in their respective fields.

[Cutelittlenose]

Just wanted to apologize for my questions yesterday as I've thought over them and felt they were insulting and may hurt people's feelings. Questioning 'why' is useless because some people can't even place a 'why'. Also, just noticed that someone helped me place my pronouns in my profile and I really appreciate that.   I also realized that my questions might've been seen as confrontational when I had no intention of being hostile at all. I know this doesn't exactly fix the wording of my originally post, but I really don't want anyone to be upset. I'm really sorry.  

[bloom]

@Cutelittlenose, I don't think anybody took offense to your questions! I said in the original post people would probably field them, and if you're not familiar with the terminology of these kinds of things, it's natural that you might phrase them poorly or misunderstand. That's okay, you learned from it and took everybody's explanations gracefully, so there's no harm done.

[Watercolor Daydreams]

With all due respect (and please don't take offense to this Junia, or anyone who may disagree with me, because I'm not attacking you), if I may speak freely, I think it's a person's right to do what they please with their profile, just as it is a right for a nonbinary/trans person to define their preferred pronouns. Like you said, I don't think people who use the pronoun section humorously aren't intending to hurt or invalidate the nonbinary/trans community on the forum (though if they're using the pronouns section for transphobic slurs or insults directed towards the nonbinary/trans community, that's an entirely different issue). I can see why some people would get upset over it, but I don't think it invalidates the idea of preferred pronouns or reinforces the idea that nonbinary and trans people suffer from "Special Snowflake Syndrome". Most, if not all (I hope), people on this website are accepting of the nonbinary and trans community, so I think everyone can discern who is using the pronoun section to define their preferred pronouns and who is not. One example that I can think of is the use of "she when sensible, it when stupid" by one user––obviously it isn't meant to insult the people who use the pronoun box to define their pronouns, it's just that the user wanted to use the pronoun box to make a little joke, and a harmless one at that. I personally have never seen that use of the pronoun box as undermining trans and nonbinary people's gender preferences, and I doubt that anyone else on the forum does either.

Judging from the responses to this thread thus far, this seems to be an unpopular opinion, so I apologize in advance if anybody took offense to it, and hope that you understand that it was not my intent to attack or discredit your opinion; it's just me putting my point of view out there, which you are of course free to disagree or agree with.

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

I feel like, just because they don't MEAN TO hurt or invalidate the nonbinary community, doesn't mean that they still aren't, inadvertantly. I think that's why it's important that this educational and informational thread exists. Because then anyone who did NOT know that such jokes could hurt these people, now can read this thread and know that they DO hurt these people. And anyone who continues to make those kinds of "joke pronouns" after reading, can't claim to not know, and will have to come up with a better reason for knowingly doing a thing that they now know hurts people. 

I think junes actually did a really good job of explaining why joke pronouns are harmful to people who want to be taken seriously about their non-gendered pronouns. I'm not really sure how to re-iterate anything they said more clearly. If anyone wants to have a go?

 

[bloom]

There is an entire blank profile section where someone can put jokes. That would be the appropriate place to put them. I put some in mine, because I'm hilarious.

It absolutely makes fun of and invalidates the idea of nonbinary identities. How could it not? And of all the places to put a joke, why would you ever put one in a place where it's enormously likely to make someone feel uncomfortable or hurt their feelings? Once someone has learned that the behavior is hurtful and they continue to do it anyway, they're... well, this isn't the Snake PIt, but they're behaving in an extremely unkind way, to put it mildly. 

It doesn't matter what your intentions are when you are hurting someone, or especially a group of marginalized someones. The appropriate and mature response is to say "Oh, hey, I didn't realize it could be construed that way - I'm sorry, I'll behave accordingly in the future." This smells to me a lot like white people who say "well, they didn't MEAN to be racist when they said that," which is a load of rubbish. 

Also, the user who has "it when stupid" in her profile has been informed in the past that "it" is a slur that's been levied mainly at trans women and that is inappropriate to refer to people that way in English (and especially if you are not trans yourself) and ignored it when filling out their profile field, so I don't think that's a very good example at all.

Edit: And, honestly... It's not really up for debate, you know? A cis person doesn't get to come in and dictate The Way Things Are about things that pertain exclusively to trans and nonbinary people. Like, it sounds unwelcoming to say, but at the end of the day if your opinion of nonbinary/trans peoples' experiences runs contrary to what those very people say, you kind of need to take a step back and think "Why do I feel this way and why do I feel like I should have a voice in the way that nonbinary and trans people feel about things that only affect them?"

[Watercolor Daydreams]

I wasn't trying to dictate the way things are. And you're right––I probably don't have a say in it because I'm not trans or nonbinary. I was just putting my opinion out there concerning free speech. 

Please know that I, personally, will not be using the pronoun box as a joke after reading this post, and that my point of view was objective (e.g. although I personally wouldn't use the pronoun box as a joke now that I know it hurts others' feelings, if others want to use it how they please there isn't much you can do to control what they do or say because of their right to free speech).
 

[Watercolor Daydreams]

Either way, Junia, I'm sorry for the way my opinion came across. I reread my comment and realized there were some parts of it that were insensitive. I really hope you (or anyone else on this thread) did not see my comment as trying to tell other nonbinary/trans people how to feel regarding this situation, or as trying to hurt or discredit you, but rather as a statement concerning free speech.