The Day before Debut Denial - (2 Parts)

[TheOkashii]

A story request from a fellow fetishist. It's not an observation. It's fiction. They just requested it be in 1st person. This is just Part 1, so I'll be writing and posting the rest over the next week or two. I'd love some feedback since this is really my first story. Thanks and enjoy ^^

The Day before Debut Denial

Part 1

"Ughhh... I'b up, I'b up!" I moaned groggily at my wailing alarm. It was the day before the big concert; a day I'd been wildly anticipating for what now seemed an eternity. At this time tomorrow, I'd be huddled in the red Jeep Wrangler, beside my boyfriend, Mike, heading to watch our friend Liz's big vocal debut. She'd been prepping for years with voice lessons, a choreographer, and a talent scout, and all her hard work was leading up to this one single event. I couldn't wait.

I gave the top of the clock a quick tap, signaling its shrill calls to cease. I sniffled a bit, in attempt to relieve the gentle agitation I discovered, rooted deep within my nostrils. I got to my feet, quickly, throwing a fuzzy, light pink bathrobe over my own sloping, bronzed, shoulders, in hopes of protecting myself from winter's chill. Stretching lazily backwards, I suddenly noticed the severe tickle, tantalizing both my throat and nose. I coughed, loud and deep, cringing at the strain it put on my own vocal chords. I had almost forgotten about the equally irritated sensation in my nose. Now it returned, with a vengance. I felt my whole body freeze up as the tickle grew into a desperate need to sneeze. I pinched my nostrils shut, begging myself not to sneeze, fully aware of how greatly it would sting my aching throat.

This wasn't happening. I couldn't be sick today. We were heading out to Kentucky (a five hour drive from our house) tomorrow for Liz's big show and I knew, neither Mike nor my father would let me go if they had even a notion that I may be ill. My heightened breath punctured my thoughts. Ah - ehhhhhh - ehh..... my grip on my nose has loosed during my moments of thought, and now, the sneeze I'd been trying so hard to hold back appeared inevitable.

Ahh-Schooo! Eh-Schoooo! Ehhh... Ahh... Heh-Schoo! Tschooo! I grabbed the side of my bed for support as the powerful sneezes escaped me, one by one, uncovered. Finally I let go, steadying my weakened body, and clearing my nose in the folds of a nearby tissue.

I wasn't sick. I just couldn't be. It was just something in the room, that my respiratory tract wasn't agreeing with. I ran this thought through my head a few times, mainly trying to assure myself. Sick or not, I knew I couldn't dare let my father or boyfriend pick up on my condition. Perhaps I could just stay in my room most of the day and... a knock on the door reminded me that this would not be possible. Mike had been invited to breakfast, before helping my dad finish up with the painting and remodeling of our porch. Worst of all, I'd promised to go out to dinner with them both, once all the painting was done.

"I'll be out soob," I sniffed through a stuffed nose, trying to subdue a much-needed sneeze.

"Okay, Mike should be here soon, so hurry up!" I heard my father reply, only half listening through deepened inhalations.

"Don't worry d-dad. I w-w-will," I stammered between breaths. Holding a finger delicately below my twitching nos, I held it off until I heard him descending the stairs. Then I released. Eh-Schoooo! Ah-Ah-Schoo! A powerful double that left my head spinning. Still rubbing furiously at my nose, I dropped the robe from my slim body, stripping my pajamas. I slipped dizzily into a satin, lilac C-cup, and matching bottoms. Overtop, I pulled on a white denim mini-skirt, a lavendart tank top, and a denim jacket. Finally, I topped the outfit off with a quick brush of my hair, and a tilted plum beret. Before leaving the room I gave myself one final look-over, blew my nose again, and silently headed down the steps, just in tim to hear the ring of our doorbell. I crossed my fingers as I reached the landing of the steps. I'd need all the luck I could get.

[Gallatea]

Post another part soon! I loved the sneezing and how the main character was trying to hide that she was sick from her father. Purely yummy!

[Ram]

Beautiful, beautiful

I can´t wait for part 2.

[TheOkashii]

Glad you liked it ; As I said, was my first attempt at a story, so I was worried about how it would come out. I'll be out all day today and have to do HW most of tomorrow but I may be able to write Part 2 during class at some point and have it up by Tuesday or Wednesday =) The plot line is actual my own little fantasy so I figured I could use it for a nice story as well. So far I like the results. We'll see what becomes of the next parts ^^ Thanks again, bye bye.

PS- If anyone has a little constructive criticism, please post that as well. I'd love to know what I can improve on.

[shy guy]

This is really very good so far. The plot is interesting, and the first person narrative is perfect for this story. I can't wait for part two!

[Pilgrim]

First-rate work! I can't wait for the next installment!

[TheOkashii]

In case you missed Part 1, click here.

I finished sooner than I expected ; This one I didn't do a rough copy of first, so I hope it's still up to paar. Enjoy and please give feedback!

The Day before Debut Denial

Part 2 (Breakfast)

"Mornin' Sunshine!" Mike greeted me, embracing be with a strong, bold bearhug.

"Mording, hun," I replied, in as normal a voice I could manage.

We walked together into the kitchen, while Mike chatted excitedly about tomorrow's big event. I didn't mind him taking over the conversation. I figured the less I talked the better. My throat was beginning to burn, feeling more and more raw everytime I spoke. My dad had already prepared a king-size feast for the three of us, and the table was adorned with trays full of fruit, pancakes, eggs, sausage, and bacon. He'd even gone out of his way to decorate it with little lacey doileys and a vase, overflowing with flowers. I took a seat across from Mike, and my father pulled out the chair at the head of the table. The second I sat down, I felt my nose twitch. Not a good way to start out. I looked around to find the source of the irritation, my eyes landing directly on the vase. Each bud was open to gaze upon the morning's sunshine, leaving the pollen within exposed to the light breeze flowing through the windows... right in my direction.

Just great. Allergies had never been a big problem for me, but the right amount of pollen streaming from the right arrangement of flowers was sure to set me off when my nose was already weakened by what I begged not to be a cold. I heard a stronger breeze now, penetrating the screened windows, watched as much of the pollen disappeared from the center of the flowers, and felt as the irritants hit my nose, creeping up into my already delicate nostrils. Mike and my dad had said grace and begun eating and they now glanced at me to see what the delay was. I smiled as convincingly as possible, praying that their glances hadn't caught the wild flaring of my nostrils. Eyes shut tight, and one finger - as subtley as I could manage - under my nose, I scooped a few items of food onto my plate, though I couldn't tell you what they were. My eyes were beginning to stream but my finger's presence was helping to lessen the deep tickle. Suddenly Mike glanced at me to strike-up a new conversation and I was forced to quickly slide my finger away. Once again unprotected, I felt each breeze inviting more and more pollen into my nose.

I couldn't take this much longer. I sniffled slightly, only to realize my mistake as more pollen gained entrance. I was surprised Mike hadn't noticed the way my mouth hung open in a desperate need to sneeze, or the way my eyes teared up with self-will. Yet somehow, I had a feeling that if I burst into a fit now, he might catch on that something was up. Suddenly I had an idea.

"Could you p-pass the pepper please?" I asked them, reaching over to take it from Mike's grasp. The sneeze was building rapidly now, I didn't know how much longer I could hold it. Hastily, I shoveled some eggs onto my plate and, purposely leaning forward a bit, shook a bit of the pepper onto them. "Ah, I th-think I breathed in s-s-some of the p-pep..... Ah-Tschooo! Eh... Ah... Schoo! Schoo! Eh.. eh...EhSchoo! I couldn't stop them now. One by on they came, in doubles and triples. The first two I caught in the crook of my elbow, then aiming instead into my cupped palms. Suddenly, I felt pressure a pressure being applied long enough to halt the sneezes. Squinting my eyes open I saw that Mike had pressed a tissue gently up to my nose and now released slowly, leaving the tissue for my use. Silently I sneezed once more into the folds of the tissue, than blew my nose loudly, completely embarrassed by this point, and looked around, to see Mike and my dad staring at me, looking concerned.

"Bless you," they said in unison.

I tried to laugh it off. "Guess I ought to be bore caeful wiff that stuff. It's quite a leaffel weapon," I sniffed, glancing at them relieved to see that they seemed convinced of the reason for the sneeze. My nose felt cleared. For now at least.

We continued on in breakfast, the conversation starting up again. We finished the meal without a hitch. We all stood up to put our plates in the sink, and clear the table of leftovers. I told them not to worry, I would do the dishes. Both thanked me, Mike kissing me gently on the forehead. I watched them both exit, to go begin with the painting, vision warped through a new shroud of tears. As soon as I could no longer see them, I released the breath I'd been involuntarily holding back, letting the sneezes overcome me. Gripping the counter, I felt as new fit take over me. This time I welcomed it, hoping that once it stopped I would finally feel relieved. Eh-Schoo! Ah-Schoo! EhSchoo! Schoo! Schooo! I didn't bother counting. I just sneezed. It felt like mintues before the last one came on, building up slowly and torturously. I felt my forehead prickling with perspiration as my jaw slackened in pre-sneezy anticipation. My eyes shut tight, and my breathing became irregular. I felt every muscle in my body tense, and then... Ahhhhh-E-Eh-Ah-Ehhhhh-ASCHOO!... release.

[TheOkashii]

Part 2 is now up ; Click here.

[Kitty]

very very nice! LOL it is weird as shit with the dad present for me anyhow and makes me groan inwardly for your character - as that would suck!

Can't dad leave? He ruins my arousal -

Kitty

[Ram]

Congratulations !

I really like your stories.

I hope that you write more soon.

[TheOkashii]

Lol, sure. Another member suggested I keep the dad around, but I don't mind having one less character to develop. The next Part will be just her alone and then instead of having all 3 go out to dinner I can change it so it's just her and Mike. Would that be better? Hehe. I doubt I'll have the next part written for quite some time. Busy preparing for finals. Perhaps I'll have a chance over the weekend. Thanks for the feedback. Any more suggestions or comments? =D

[Sneesee]

I really like your story! I am also a writer, and have been doing it since I was about your age. My friends used to get such a kick out of my stories. I even wrote a young adult murder mystery manuscript by the time I was 17. My friends all enjoyed reading that one, and yes, I did include a male who sneezed a lot and was in denial about having a cold. But, really, I can't wait to read the next part. I have a feeling your characters will determine who goes out to dinner and all that!

Sneesee

[tma]

Am not really into female sneezing personally, but I thought that you did a great job of writing.

I like the way that you write the first person p.o.v.- and the story (both parts) seems very believable. I personally like that in a story.

Great job.

[Pilgrim]

As good as the first! Nice work!