A Bride's Nightmare

[gonnasneeze]

. . . . . . . . .

Tim and Tina planned to wed one June day.

Tina was stressed out about a dream she had a month before her wedding. In

the dream she was walking down the aisle at her wedding when suddenly she felt a tickle in her nose. She knew she was going to sneeze by the time she stood at the

altar. How could such a dreadful thing happen on her wedding day,? she wanted

to know. She always sneezed in fours and her

sneezes were loud enough to rattle the guests in the pews. In desperation,

she tried pinching her nose, but from past experience she knew it was

hopeless. A sneeze was racing down the express lanes of her nostrils,

followed in hot pursuit by three more and they wouldn't be stopped until

they exited her nose with four mighty "ACHOO's!!" She was desperate enough

to try the pinch, but sure enough, it didn't work.

She arrived at the altar where Tim stood with the minister. The minister

began, "Dearly gathered. . ."

"I . . .ah . . .hafta. . .ah . . .ahh. . .sneeze,!" Tina gasped with hitched breaths, interrupting the minister. At that moment, her eyebrows and nose wrinkled and her eyes shut. A buildup of more AH AHH AHHH's began as she put her right index finger under her nose and tilted her head back slightly. Finally she launched a resounding "CHOOO!!" that reverberated through the chapel, as her head lurched violently forward. The minister thought it was safe to begin again, but he didn't know she always sneezed in fours. When he looked her way, she had assumed another pre-sneeze pose just as before. There was another AH AHH AHHH series, a few seconds delay and then another blast of a sneeze just like the first. Ditto for the third and fourth sneezes. Right before the fourth sneeze, the minister tucked a fresh soft white handkerchief into her hand. She guided her fourth sneeze dead-on bull’s eye into the handkerchief. She messaged her nose with the handkerchief

for a few seconds after the fourth sneeze, both for comfort and to be sure

she had no more sneezes lurking.

Just as the minister asked her if she was ok, she awakened in a cold sweat

and realized she had been dreaming.

Now Tina was paranoid about her upcoming June wedding day. Would she have a

sneezing fit during the actual ceremony, just like she did in the dream? She

canceled her floral order and purchased three air purifiers for the chapel.

"I'm going to make a sneezing fool of myself at my wedding," she sobbed to

her therapist. She tried vainly to find a way to be hypnotized so as to be

sneeze free during the ceremony.

Tim tried to reassure Tina that he would love her just as much whether or not

she sneezed during their wedding. He tried to humor her by saying they would

laugh about it years later if she had a sneezing fit that was captured on

their wedding video.

Later she would decide to tuck a hanky in the sleeve of her wedding dress.

Tim told her, "If you sneeze in church, God will bless you."

As they wrapped up one of their pre-wedding planning meetings, Tim presented

his bride-to-be with a sign that said "I DO." She asked what it was for. He

explained that if she was heading (no pun intended) into a sneeze when the

minister asked "Do you take this man, Tim, to be your lawfully wedded

husband,? "she could simply hold up the sign.

Tina instantly decided to get even with Tim. She began twitching her nose and wrinkling her eyebrows. What

are you doing,? Tim asked. "I'm ah. . .ahh. . ..ahhh. . ..ahaa. . .going to sneeze,"

she stammered!! After Tim took cover under the table, she laughed and said

"Ha, I fooled ya." He said that little prank was not amusing. "Behave

yourself," she admonished "or I will add the word `NOT' to your

sign." "Besides," she continued, "you must agree that I gave a convincing

performance." Tim answered sarcastically, "Yeah, let's call your agent to

see if they need an actress to perform an almost-sneeze in a movie or TV

commercial. You would definitely be `a-choo-in' (pun intended) for the

part," he quipped.

As he headed for the door, Tina warned Tim not to "even think about" getting

his pals to form a betting pool on whether or not she would sneeze during their

wedding. He said he "wouldn't think of it." He wouldn't dare tell Tina he

had already decided it would be fun and he was going to do it. He had

already called his buddies and told them to bring their wagers to the bachelor

party.

The wedding was held on a lovely June day that happened to be sunny and

comfortable. Tina awoke about 8AM. She tried to put her fears of sneezing during

her wedding to rest. She had visited a gypsy fortune teller, who said her

only sneezes of the day would begin precisely 4:30PM on her wedding day. She

could live with that, because the wedding ceremony would be completed well

before 4:30. Nevertheless, she repeated about 500 times during the morning

"I will not sneeze! I will not sneeze! I will not sneeze!"

When Tina arrived at the church about 1:30, her bridesmaids were there to

help her get dressed. Gretchen, the quipster in the group said: "I hear you'

re afraid you will have a huge sneezing fit at the altar today." She pulled

a clothespin from her purse and snapped it a few times in front of Tina's

nose. "Not amusing," said Tina.

By 3PM Tina was standing at the entry to the chapel and the processional

began. Halfway down the aisle, no sneeze on the radar screen. At the altar,

through the vows and ring ceremony, she remained sneeze free. The

recessional began with still no sign of a sneeze.

With about ten feet to go to the "finish line," Tina saw Gretchen

(clothespin girl) out of the corner of her eye. Gretchen's nose was

twitching and her eyes were squinting. "Oh no," Tina thought. "Gretchen is

going to sneeze." Gretchen, sensing Tina's fear, pinched her nose and gave

the thumbs up sign. It meant Gretchen had corralled the sneeze and put it on

hold for a more appropriate time. "Phew, close call," thought Tina. A moment

later, the wedding party crossed the "finish line" into the foyer. No

sneezes had interrupted the ceremony.

"Nice save," said Tina as Gretchen emerged from the ladies' room. "Thanks,"

replied Gretchen. "If you had sneezed before we got to the foyer, I would

have died," Tina joked.

Outside the church Tina and her bridesmaids clowned around, each posing for

a picture with the clothespin on the end of her nose. "If any of us sneezes

with this clothespin on our nose, we'll blow our brains right out of our ears,"

said Cindy. "Has that ever happened to any of you,?" queried Gretchen. More

uproarious laughter ensued.

Next came the limo ride to the reception. Tim and Tina cuddled in the back

seat and began rubbing noses. Suddenly Tina pulled back. "What's wrong,?"

asked Tim. "I feel a tickle," she replied. "I know I'm going to start

sneezing any minute." Tina had been too caught up in the euphoria of love

and marriage to remember the gypsy fortune teller's words: "You will begin

the first of four magnificent sneezes at exactly 4:30PM on your wedding

day." It was 4:29 and her first sneeze was set to make its grand entrance

in one minute. "Pull over, Max," Tim instructed the driver. "My wife has to

sneeze!" The astonished driver complied. Tina hurried out of the car to the

sidewalk. She tilted her head back so that the sun shone directly on her

face. Tim watched Tina's head rock back and forth four times and

heard her emit four mammoth sneezes that echoed among the buildings on the

block.

When she finished sneezing, Tina re-entered the limo. "I feel great,"

she enthused. “Now I love to sneeze."

"Easy for you to say, now that our wedding ceremony is history," replied

Tim. "No, seriously Tim," insisted Tina. "I really do love to sneeze.”

"Tina," said Tim, "I love your sneezes because they are just so majestic."

"That's so sweet," said Tina. "Since we're married now, I 'm going to

dedicate all my future sneezes to you, my love. When I give you a greeting

card, it will say `To my loving Timmy with all my love and kisses and sealed

with a sneeze.'"

"That's nothing to sneeze at," mused Tim.

. . . . . . . . .

[Sneesee]

Wow! That was too funny and too cute! I loved it!!!! Are you going to write any other stories?

Sneesee

[gonnasneeze]

Wow!  That was too funny and too cute!  I loved it!!!!  Are you going to write any other stories?

Sneesee

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sneesee. . .

I'm glad you liked "A Bride's Nightmare." I just posted a story about a sneeze that stopped a dog show (LOL). Hope you like that one too.

Regards,

gonnasneeze

[Daphine]

What a cute story .

Thank you so much for sharing it with all of us. and as a side note that is probably my biggest fear . If I'm ever to get married I would hate to sneeze during the ceremony