First hayfever fit of the season

[atchoum]

I’m lucky enough to go to Lisbon for work once a year and I always have a Saturday to soak up the wonderful atmosphere there, and every time I seem to see some good sneezes.

This time they were almost all male (I have a better eye…and ear… for them anyway), and one was quite spectacular. At first I thought the sneezers were all tourists. In the arthritic 28 tram coming down from the hills I was standing right next to a tourist couple in their early forties (couldnt hear them speaking so I dont know what language) when I saw the man gearing up for a sneeze, and I wondered – with all the people arround (sorry this isn’t a woman, Haeshoo !) – if he was going to stifle. Well he didn’t : it came out a fairly low keyed full sneeze, immediately followed by one of those catlike sneezes that is more typical of a longer series : sort of “ CHOO ! Kuh ! ” - he drew breath and sneezed a third CHOO ! ” Meanwhile his wife/girlfriend was rummaging for a tissue, which he took without thanks and gave a blow. It was as if they were used to this routine.

Later on I was crossing a large square, when I heard a loud “ HAAA RAASSSH oooo ! ” from my right. It was the man of a couple – also in their mid thirties - coming in my direction and I could see him puckering up for a second one, an identical “ HAAA RAASSSH oooo ! ”. The then stopped and his wife rummaged for a tissue (there is a pettern here !) but his third “ HAAA RAASSSH oooo ! ” was upon him before he could give a blow. I think I caught them speaking English, but in the middle of the square I didnt see how I could keep close without obviously being seen to stalk them, so I’m afraid I didn’t stay to see if there were any more, though they were loud enough to be heard from afar.

Apart from odd singles during the day, there had been nothing noteworthy, until in the early evening I was justing coming to the crest of a hill where two streets meet when I saw a man sneeze twice just as he came into view. The most striking thing was seeing the phlegm fly in the setting sun ! The sneezes were completely monosyllabic and just TSCHHHHHHHH ! Very often monosyllabic sneezes are the hallmark of the shudderer sneezer, but this man was définitely a thruster – he bent at the waist with each sneeze… and it was not finished - a third was upon him within a few seconds of the first two, and he blew his nose violently into what looked like green toilet paper. He was also about 30, medium height, doormat sort of dark hair, and carrying a plastic bag, so he didnt really look like a tourist. I lost him for a while, as he was walking quite quickly, and I was on the opposite pavement with cars in between us and cars passing on the street, but I was determined not to lose him. I think I probably missed some sneezes, and I remained 50 meters behind him most of the time, so from behind, I would see him pause and then sneeze out this single TSCHHHHHHH, generally thrusting his head to one size. Eventually he disappeared into one of the houses, and that was it, but I must have seen about a dozen of this completely helpless sneezes, and I’m sure there must have been more of them that I missed !