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again, telling someone (so, so hard)


Guest Leonard Fairbanks

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Guest Leonard Fairbanks

I know that I'm young, but I'm already thinking about my future and marriage and all that great crap that we commit ourselves to in life. I consider myself heterosexual, but my fetish is for MALE sneezing.

How do I tell my future wife that I have a fetish with something of my same sex?

- "Leonard"

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First of all, I think if a person really likes you and cares for you, they'll understand. Secondly, I've told various people ranging from close friend to my parents to only semi close friends. A few times I was so nervous that I actually couldn't verbalize the word "sneeze" out loud so I decided on writing it down (I usually out of fear of people listening would make the person immediately trash that paper haha).

On a more odd note. and maybe too subjective and from my point of view, I would find that really interesting and probably hot. Maybe it might take a while to get used to, I mean for your SO, but if it were me (which is not a fair example since obviously I can already admit I find that hot but I like both male and female sneezing (which I have admitted to some of my girl friends but not all since your correct that the situation is very ood).

It pretty much comes down to you feeling ready and finding someone thats both caring, understanding and has a relatively open mind.

This I would also have to assume would pretty much depend on how much the fetish has to do with you sexuality. Whether you can, for instance, participate in the relationship without the a ton of male sneezing.... You and your partner may have to both be willing to compromise and feel comfortable talking about each others needs

So after thinking through this while I wrote it pretty messily like I do most replies. I think that you just have to find, which I believe you probably will, the right person who just finds the spice to live about your quirks and just enjoys everything about you; therefore even if you are male and you enjoy male sneezing, it'll just make your nighttime fun more .....Fun. :rolleyes: And most people that I've told either are jealous that they don't have a fetish if they don't have one or think its cute in some odd fashion .....I've had quite the number of people ask me more questions and even had one recently (a girl who still sneezes infront of me ) want to listen to my wav's on bondi's page.

hope you can understand some of the jumbled answer. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk :rolleyes: Good luck

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Guest Leonard Fairbanks

Thank you. I understand what you're saying, it's just hard to take it all in and think that someday, I'm actually going to have to say it. Out loud. To an actual person. That happens to be my wife.

How the hell am I supposed to explain to her too, that I'm not gay, when my fetish is for MALE sneezing?

BUT nonetheless, that was a lot of help and hope and reassurance. So thanks! :bounce:

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I'm curious: Why do you think you'd have to tell your wife? Isn't that just a choice you need to make for yourself? In other words, I think it's optional, not a requirement of having a serious relationship with another person, be that a friend or a spouse.

Personally, I don't believe that a partner needs to know every secret or private thought that you have. For example, I'd bet that most couples don't share absolutely every detail of their prior sexual encounters, whether they were one night stands, longstanding relationships, or prior marriages. I know my husband and I didn't. Telling those secrets -- even in the name of full and complete disclosure, trust and honesty between us -- would have been hurtful, and speaking for myself, I didn't want to know all the details. And no doubt many people have shameful secrets that they haven't shared with anyone on the planet. (I'm not saying that the fetish is a shameful secret, BTW; I don't think it is.)

I never told my husband about my fetish, despite the fact that we were married 20 years and were together a couple of years before that. In fact, the only people I've ever discussed it with are on this forum. That's my personal choice, and I'm comfortable with that. I'm not saying that it's the right choice for anyone else, because I wouldn't want to impose my view upon others; they have the right to make the choice that works for them.

You have some time yet before you meet that special woman who you want to marry. Whether or not you tell your wife about your fetish (and whether your further share that you favor male sneezing, which is a separate choice) is something to think about between now and then. I'm sure you'll get to the point where you're comfortable with your choice. But you need not make that choice right now.

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Guest Leonard Fairbanks

While I know that it is not mandatory to decide those things now, or even worry about them, I still do. It would be uncomfortable personally for me to be in a relationship with somebody if I had to hide that from them. Otherwise, I feel like there'd be a brick wall between us.

Thanks, though!

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I don't know. I see Trillium's point, but my partner knows about my past. He knows EVERYTHING about my past that I could possibly think of to tell him and I know about his. He let me read all of his journals and everything. Therefore, we have no secrets from each other, past or present. But that is how *I* am. That isn't how YOU have to be. I believe in complete honesty and if asked, I shall tell.

I say you cross this bridge when you come to it. You're very young and have plenty of time! :yes:

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Trillium and Akutenshi have made the point about telling not being an absolute necessity. Most people like to have their secret garden, which may be big or small, it's up to every individual to decide.

The point I would like to make is that you are not alone. While it's quite common for straight women to be interested in female sneezing, it's pretty rare for men to like other men's sneezes and there have been many discussions over this. It seems to fit in to male and female sexuality in different ways. But as one of the moderators of the males for males sneezing site, I can say that I 've had conversations over the years with straight men who are turned on in different ways and in different degrees by male sneezing. One of the first I took to be gay and it was only in the course of a conversation years later that I realised he was completely straight. Over say seven or eight years there would have been four or five men in that situation. So it's uncommon, but not unknown. Perhaps, if one reads your thread, he'll contact you directly and explain exactly how it works, though I wouldn't be surprised if every man has a different story to tell.

So that's it, you are an individual, unique, so make the most of it.

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Just curious - do you also find female sneezing attractive? or are you indifferent to it? Or does it turn you off?

I grew up in a largely male environment - going to an all boys school - and during adolescence and young adulthood I was interested in certain males, purely from a fetish angle. In later life, as I moved on from that largely male environment, I lost that interest and now only female sneezing does anything for me.

As others have said, telling is not a big thing. If you meet the right person and you reach a level of trust where you feel comfortable sharing stuff, then telling will not be a problem. But there's certainly no imperative to share.

And hey, if and when the situation does arise, there's bound to be a forum full of people ready to offer adivce. :unsure:

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Guest Leonard Fairbanks

Yeah, female sneezing does turn me off quite a bit. Too bad they seem to have fits with a higher amount of sneezes. :unsure:

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I entirely agree with SL. I also went to a boys' school, and when I was 16 I was really only interestd in male sneezing; I would say that in five years the situation entirely reversed itself; well, unless th male sneezes were relly good.

As to telling, I have concluded that it is best to do so with anyone with whom one is having a close relationship, unless of course there is some overriding particular reason for not doing so. Most people are not hostile to these things. Though there will always be some who are.

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How? Simple.

"Honey, I have something to tell you. Yeah, you might want to sit down, depends on how much tolerance for shocking revelations you have. Want some coffee? All right, all right, I'll get to the point. See hon, I have this fetish... A fetish? Oh, it's got a few definitions, but the one in question here would definitely be 'sexual attraction to and/or fascination with an object/action/body part/etc. that is not normally considered to be arousing.' Yeah, I know. Weird, huh? Anyway, the 'object or action' that my fetish is centered around is sneezing. Yeah, I know it's weird... you don't think that's gross, do you? Awww, thanks sweetie, I knew you'd understand. Yeah, really - at least it's not like vomit or child molesting or something like that. Haha! Anyway honey, there's a little more... no, nothing serious. It's a little hard to explain though... don't get me wrong, I'm completely heterosexual, but my fetish is for guys sneezing specifically. I'm really not sure, to be honest... maybe it's because my mother had such terrible allergies when I was younger having to listen to her sneezing fits day in and day out turned me off from them completely. ...What? No! Of course I'd never cheat on you, not even -- oh. You were kidding. Now I remember why I married you. *smooch*"

See? That wasn't so hard! :clapping2:

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Of course I was speaking with my tongue firmly implanted in my cheek, but seriously. Imagine it. It could TOTALLY happen something resembling that way. Might even go better than that - maybe she'll be intrigued by it and want to "watch what they do to you" or something like that. The possibilities are endless - and you never know until you take the leap.

And the leap's a bitch. The first time I ever told anyone was the hardest one, and it's still not exactly easy. There's that lingering moment of anxiety before I add a new person or group of people to the pretty large list of people who know about that particular quirk. :drool:

So - to tell or not to tell? To each their own, and damn the consequences either way! <3

-tys

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Well, since you are not going to like it when she sneezes anyway, there might not be a very good reason to tell her. But if you want to tell her because you don't want any secrets between the two of you, then you could just tell her the truth, in that you generally hate female sneezes and you're only into male sneezes, even though you're not gay. That way at least she won't get jealous, unless she has huge jealousy issues, I don't know.

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I agree with Trillium, and Aku on the points they bring up. My wife asked about past relationships, but not the sexual encounters that happened with them. It wasn't because she was nosy or anything, but she simply wanted to know what not to do that would piss me off :drool:

I agree also with Bondi's point, especially on the jealousy issue. Obviously no one wants someone who is jealous, but some people turn out to be that way after you're with them for a while.

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Trillium and Akutenshi have made the point about telling not being an absolute necessity. Most people like to have their secret garden, which may be big or small, it's up to every individual to decide.

The point I would like to make is that you are not alone. While it's quite common for straight women to be interested in female sneezing, it's pretty rare for men to like other men's sneezes and there have been many discussions over this. It seems to fit in to male and female sexuality in different ways. But as one of the moderators of the males for males sneezing site, I can say that I 've had conversations over the years with straight men who are turned on in different ways and in different degrees by male sneezing. One of the first I took to be gay and it was only in the course of a conversation years later that I realised he was completely straight. Over say seven or eight years there would have been four or five men in that situation. So it's uncommon, but not unknown. Perhaps, if one reads your thread, he'll contact you directly and explain exactly how it works, though I wouldn't be surprised if every man has a different story to tell.

So that's it, you are an individual, unique, so make the most of it.

I think you may have misread what I wrote. :drool: I said that I didn't keep secrets from my partner because I didn't believe in such things. I don't believe this fetish should be treated as a "secret," but hey, that's just me!

You make excellent points about sneezing and sexuality, however! :twisted: I enjoy sneezing from both sexes and I am bisexual. In a way, that fits. However, I know MANY women who are straight and enjoy female sneezing (sometimes more than male sneezing!) As Achoum pointed out, this is not as common in men, but it DOES happen, so you are not alone! :)

~Aku

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I, too have said it before, but I'm reluctant to tell anyone for one reason. I know plenty of people who would be okay with it but I don't want them to feel self concious about sneezing around me. Don't know if that helps or not. :hyp:

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