Being who you are

[starpollen]

So, a few days ago I posted a "Hi" in the "Comings and Goings" board. Some of you probably remember me from YEARS back... god, at least 4 or 5 years?... sheesh...

In any case, I've had this fetish practically forever: I used to get sent to the prinicipal's office in kindergarten and first grade for touching myself when someone around me sneezed. As the years went by I learned to hide it. Then I got into the online community when I was in college - 98 or 99 - and was a heavy writer for those 4 years. Once I graduated life sort of got in the way: a near marriage, three new jobs, an actual marriage, buying a house, etc...

Anyway, I've only ever told one person about my fetish: a good girl friend of mine in college. She and I have since drifted apart, and its seems really weird to me for someone to be out there in the world with intimate knowledge of me but who is no longer connected to me. I've not told anyone else, and I don't really have the desire to, though it crosses my mind from time to time...

Yes, I now have a husband, but he doesn't know. Unfortunately his sneezes are not sexy, sort of BAAAH explosions without any build up. (I've always found that female sneezes do more for me anyway...)

But back to the point. Is there anyone you've told who is no longer a part of your life? Does it bother anyone else?

And

Is there anyone else who really has no desire to share this fetish with their significant other? I read all the time about people wanting to tell... I feel like there's something wrong with me for not really feeling like I want to. Like it's private. Something MINE.

Just something to toss out there.

[Sneesee]

Anyway, I've only ever told one person about my fetish: a good girl friend of mine in college. She and I have since drifted apart, and its seems really weird to me for someone to be out there in the world with intimate knowledge of me but who is no longer connected to me. I've not told anyone else, and I don't really have the desire to, though it crosses my mind from time to time...

Yes, I now have a husband, but he doesn't know. Unfortunately his sneezes are not sexy, sort of BAAAH explosions without any build up. (I've always found that female sneezes do more for me anyway...)

But back to the point. Is there anyone you've told who is no longer a part of your life? Does it bother anyone else?

Um, well, after telling my husband, I have told quite a few of my friends. And some of them I no longer speak to. I was kind of upset, because I mostly tole my male friends, and the first female friend I told I no longer speak to. It does sort of make me feel wierd to know that she and her significant other both know that about me. And I sometimes wonder when someone sneezes whether or not they think of me and joke about it or not.

And it's probably a good thing you didn't tell your husband, since his sneezes don't do much for you. I have a hubby who gets frustrated with this fetish sometimes and I adore his sneezes! I could only imagine what your husband might think if he knew that his sneezing didn't turn you on, but that it was a pretty huge fetish for you. He might feel very inadequate.

It's amazing to me to see how many of us have had this since childhood. I never touched myself when it happened in school, but I would always cross and re-cross my legs if it did happen, and I could never control that when I was younger. Luckily for me, no one ever noticed.

But, thank goodness for this forum and all of the people here. I no longer hide it, and am having fun with telling certain people. To me, it's the best fetish in the whole wide world! And only special people get to have it!

[Dawnie]

Is there anyone else who really has no desire to share this fetish with their significant other? I read all the time about people wanting to tell... I feel like there's something wrong with me for not really feeling like I want to. Like it's private. Something MINE.

There's nothing wrong with you at all. There are many, many people that have no desire to tell their partner. And then there are many who do. I'm one that did, and I wish I hadn't. It came out gradually and alcohol was involved. I do wish that it was still my private thing. Other than that, I told my best friend that lives in Maryland. We are still close, but it's just not something that comes up and it's probably cuz we don't get to see eachother that often. Last time I saw her was when she was visiting me here in MassACHOOsetts and that was two years ago. She's coming here again next month, so I'm VERY excited about that. I did tell one other person and I kind of wish I hadn't told her, but I don't even think it's something that ever crosses her mind when she thinks of me. I made a comment once when she was going to be going to a flower show in Boston and she was scratching her head because she had forgotten all about it.

Well enough of my rambling. The point I'm trying to make is don't feel odd at all about not wanting to tell your spouse. And as far as your friend that you're no longer close with, I'm not sure what to tell you about that. I suppose I can understand the discomfort of someone knowing something so personal and private that you're no longer friends with. I guess all I can say is that she's probably long forgot it. One can hope anyway, right.

[Geist]

I guess I'm a bit opposite in this respect. I tell just about everyone who is close to me and if they drift away, it makes me smile to think that whenever they sneeze, they will probably think of me.

However, I've actually gotten selective about who I will tell simply because not everyone's sneezes do it for me. I've found it to be annoying when I tell certain people and they feel the need to sneeze for me or point out (usually subtly) when someone else does it. A fetish doesn't mean EVERY person EVERY TIME will turn you on. Some people just do not get that.

I see nothing wrong with you keeping your fetish to yourself, especially if your husband's sneezes do nothing for you. Like Sneesee said, it would be quite difficult to say to him, "oh, I have this fetish, but I don't like it when you do it." *cringe*

There really are some times when it's better to say nothing at all.

~Aku

[count tiszula]

It doesn't really occur to me that people I've told are out there in the universe, because I'm reasonab;y cetrain that almost all have forgotten all about it. Or if they haven't it hardly makes any difference if they tell other people in that other world.

But my enemy who outed me, or tried to, has long forgotten; and former girlfriends I'm still in touch with a bit have never mentioned it again, so either have forgotten or never realised the importance in the first place.

By the by, this is another instance of the "I know I'm in the minority" syndrome; there have been some wanting-to-tell posts, but I feel that a huge number of people never want to. In fact on another recent thread the majority of posters were saying how wonderful it was to keep the fetish as secret as possible, and how awful for anyone else to know. I conclude that it always depends on the thread.

[Trillium]

Yes, I now have a husband, but he doesn't know. Unfortunately his sneezes are not sexy, sort of BAAAH explosions without any build up. (I've always found that female sneezes do more for me anyway...)

But back to the point. Is there anyone you've told who is no longer a part of your life? Does it bother anyone else?

And

Is there anyone else who really has no desire to share this fetish with their significant other? I read all the time about people wanting to tell... I feel like there's something wrong with me for not really feeling like I want to. Like it's private. Something MINE.

Just something to toss out there.

I didn't have any desire to share the fetish with my soon to be ex husband, and after the first couple years of marriage, his sneezes no longer did it for me, either. I think I had some of the same "private" feelings you do, but there was also a lack of trust there that permeated the entire relationship. Which is why he's my "soon to be ex" husband. (I'm not at all implying that in your situation; just explaining my case.)

However, I really would like to share the fetish with whatever partner I have in the future. To me, that would be part of having a truly intimate relationship, to share this part of myself freely and safely. It would help me feel more authentic.

I haven't told anyone else about my fetish except my forum friends. And you know, in a way that really makes me feel closer to my forum friends than my friends in real life. Probably because I feel that I can be my real self here, without being judged for having the fetish.

[Guest Three for a girl]

I'm married (yes, I married really young) and I have absolutely no desire to tell my husband about it either. It's almost like, a personal thing. Like peeing in front of him or something. I was raised to be meek and mild, but I hate being vulnerable emotionally. Funny thing too, my husbands sneezes do nothing for me.

[JellyBelly]

I've never had a desire to tell anyone full stop. I can't imagine ever telling my boyfriends or friends. I'm paranoid if we have a falling out or split up they'll use it against me or something.

Some things are best enjoyed on your own I think!

[Secret98]

I have a couple of friends out there who I have drifted from and they "know to much." I feel better knowign that we drifted because now they can't give me looks when people or they sneeze.

I regret telling everyone I ever told..

I have a problem I am obvious about this fetish, I react in ways that makes people ask me (only when I have a crush on someone and they sneeze). I shake and start messing up, and there alot more things that are obvious, I said what they are in the adult board (in case anyone wanted to know). When I get a SO I don't want to tell them, but I have no choice because I'm so obvious, I wish I weren't, and every time I try to hide my fetish "symptoms" it doesn't work and people ask me.

If I get a SO they will know about my anxiety and my fetish symptoms are similar. Although I have anxiety around my fetish I won't have anxiety symptoms unless someone sneezes more than 3 times. So if I don't tell a SO about the fetish they will probably asume that they scared me and then try not to sneeze in front of me. So I have to tell them

[ellwren]

Hello! I remember your stories; it's good to see you back in the community.

Is there anyone else who really has no desire to share this fetish with their significant other? I read all the time about people wanting to tell... I feel like there's something wrong with me for not really feeling like I want to. Like it's private. Something MINE.

Just something to toss out there.

I don't think it's that strange.

Personally, I have told my S.O. about it, but he is the only person I've ever told, or have any desire to tell. However, despite the fact that he knows and doesn't think it's weird and is willing to oblige me, I really have no desire to actually share it with him in any practical way. For me, I guess, the fetish is more about fantasy and imagination than it is about actual physical activities, and I'd much rather read and write and fantasize to my heart's content than to incorporate sneeze-related activities into my, um, physical routine with my boyfriend. Oh, goodness, I just made it sound like sex is the most unappealing thing ever, which was totally not what I meant. Really it's just that I find sneezy fantasies to be very hot, whereas I have no desire for any actual sneezing in my real-life bedroom. My boyfriend's sneezes don't do much for me. Real life sneezes in general don't do much for me, in fact. Real life can't hold a candle to my imagination.

I never much thought about this, but perhaps it is very strange.

[Daphine]

I posted this reply on your Coming & Going thread but thought I would repost it here

I do know what you are saying about telling someone. I almost told my college boyfriend back in my freshman year. I wanted to tell someone so badly back then. The fetish was still new to me and I wanted to share my discovery with someone. I really wanted to tell him and at the time I thought I could trust him with it. Once again being shy came in handy becouse I never did get up the nerve to tell him and he ended up being a real jerk in the end He was my first, you know what and after he broke up with me he was more than happy to tell his friends all about it . Had I told him about my fetish who knows who he would have told about it

[shy guy]

I would never tell my wife, but my marriage is a nightmare I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I tried to tell my first wife once, but I ended up beating around the bush, and she really didn't get it, so I just dropped the subject.

Since we're talking about this, I must say I'm really surprised, and somewhat taken aback, by how important the whole issue of "telling" seems to be to so many people. For me, the fetish is something to enjoy in private, or with other fetishists. I don't see how a non-fetishist can understand how we feel about sneezing. Maybe I'm just hopelessly repressed, but I don't anticipate ever coming out to anyone outside the community.

[Trillium]

For me, I guess, the fetish is more about fantasy and imagination than it is about actual physical activities, and I'd much rather read and write and fantasize to my heart's content than to incorporate sneeze-related activities into my, um, physical routine with my boyfriend. . . . . Really it's just that I find sneezy fantasies to be very hot, whereas I have no desire for any actual sneezing in my real-life bedroom. My boyfriend's sneezes don't do much for me. Real life sneezes in general don't do much for me, in fact. Real life can't hold a candle to my imagination.

I never much thought about this, but perhaps it is very strange.

This really resonated with me; I feel very much the same. I've always wondered why.

[Rhomberg Rabbit]

But, thank goodness for this forum and all of the people here. I no longer hide it, and am having fun with telling certain people. To me, it's the best fetish in the whole wide world! And only special people get to have it!

Better believe it, bunkie.

I've told my thoughts on telling before so I won't go into it again.

[haymaker]

Since we're talking about this, I must say I'm really surprised, and somewhat taken aback, by how important the whole issue of "telling" seems to be to so many people. For me, the fetish is something to enjoy in private, or with other fetishists. I don't see how a non-fetishist can understand how we feel about sneezing. Maybe I'm just hopelessly repressed, but I don't anticipate ever coming out to anyone outside the community.

I'd just like to say I totally agree with the above comments.

I have never seen any advantage in telling a non-fetishist partner...but I can see many disadvantages: The primary one being that they are likely to become very aware of their own sneezing in your presence and that that wonderfull innocent delivery would be lost.

[baalboda]

The only person I have ever told about this fetish was my ex girlfriend. I do worry because we did have some mutual friends and I'm not sure who she may have told. I also have a foot fetish, and I know she told people about that. What is really weird about that is she told my current sweetie, who already knew (again about the feet thing). MY current sweetie and I dated, broke up, I dated this other girl for a while, and then a few years later my sweetie and I got back together. I am pretty sure she didn't tell anybody about the sneeze thing, and she most certianly didn't tell my current sweetie, who still dosen't know. I don't know if I am going to tell her. I think that one or both of these fetishes may have been what soured the other relationship.

[Guest nosey]

It would kill me to have told someone who is no longer part of my life. I totally understand your feelings on that!!!

I have told two people: A close friend (who happens to be an ex-boyfriend) and my husband. I told the ex as practice for telling my husband. The ex has probably forgotten anyway, and that doesn't bother me. As for my husband, telling had advantages and disadvantages.

On the plus side, I really wanted to be able to sneeze around my husband (I am a shy sneezer and am totally unable to sneeze around others), and in confessing to him about my fetish and the accompanying shyness, I was able to begin sneezing around him. Phew! (Though I probably would have learned to sneeze around him in due time anyway.)

But on the minus side, telling him has caused major resentment on my part. He just didn't "get" it. He was in no way nasty or unreceptive to being told, but he didn't know how to handle the information. He wasn't nearly as curious as I expected him to be, and he has made no attempt in the six years since then to understand it any further beyond a few lame "should I try to sneeze for you's" in the beginning, which no, I didn't want, because I mush prefer spontaneous sneezing in others. When I try to bring it up, he gets mad. "But I tried sneezing for you," he says, defensively.

Anyway, I'm sure he doesn't think of it much, but for me it's a dark cloud hanging over us and our sex life. I've become bitter, and as a result, I no longer find his sneezing enjoyable, and I don't know how to ask for what I want fetish-wise. Maybe I'm just sad to know he'll never feel the way I feel. Before I told him, I could pretend that he was turned on by my sneezing and such; now, I know it's not true. So there's my take!