If You're Thinking Of Telling But Aren't Sure, Read This

[Celeb Obsessed]

You know how you sometimes want to tell someone about the fetish, but are afraid to find out their reaction? I have two sisters: one who knows about the fetish and is totally cool with it and one who doesn't know. Today we were all talking about gays and gay marriages and the conversation turned into something like this:

R (sister who doesn't know): I think if you're gay, then that means there's something wrong with you. It doesn't make you a bad person and it's not your fault, but I still think it's weird.

Me: Well, yeah, cause you like guys, so you don't know how it feels to like a girl.

T (sister who knows): I can kinda imagine what it feels like. [she's straight]

Me: Do you think it's weird to have a fetish?

R: What's a fetish?

Me: Some people just get sexually aroused by neutral stimuli, such as feet or leather or something.

R: That's weird.

T: Wait, was it a dream that you told me you read some fanfiction, where Sirius has a coughing or sneezing fetish?

Me: Do you think that's weird?

R: Yeah!

Well, that showed me that I can't trust R with this secret. So the next time you want to tell someone, but don't know if you should, try having this type of conversation in order to test them.

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

It works the other way too, though, Fifi: my mother is fairly open-minded about sexual stuff...until it comes to me. She thinks porn is stupid (well, some of it is!), but respects people's right to watch and get off on it. Gay people? Who cares?! BDSM folks? She can't understand it, but that's ok. Transgender people? Hey, if it's that important to them, it must be real. She's ok with all of it. Even furries, her response was "Um, ok...they're not really having sex with animals, right? So I guess it's ok." Granted, she thinks some of it is a little weird, but hell, there are things my friends do that I think is weird! But I--and she--understand the right of individual people to d whatever they want in the bedroom, assuming they're doing it only with consenting adults (or, y'know, themselves).

Until it comes to me.

I did, on one particular occasion, attempt to broach personal sexual subjects with her. Her disapproval radiated so strongly from the get-go that I decided never to tell her anything personal about my sex life. How could I think porn was sexy? It's stupid. I have fetishes? What are they? I decided to start slow, going with the ones that I don't see as being too out there: watching two men together, watching a guy...um...do something by himself that is suitable only for the adult board , etc. She flipped out so much, calling those weird, that I didn't even consider going into the others. It just made me feel lousy all around. (For the record, this started because I'd called "Guys Gone Wild" to find out how much their shipping was--I was planning on buying a friend a tape as a birthday present--and when they saw on their little chart that I'd called without buying anything, they called me to offer me three tapes for $9.99, including shipping. Unfotunately, they called me when I was in the car with my mother, so a) I had to turn down the tapes, and b ) when they asked me why, I had to say, in front of my mother, "Uh, because I live with my mother?" At which point she wanted to know who I was talking to...yeah.)

My dad, on the other hand, is great. I don't think we're close enough for me to ever tell him about my fetishes, but just in general, he's very into "Whatever makes you happy." He's even told me, even though I consider myself straight, that while a part of him really wants me to be straight, it's only because he thinks it would be easier for me, and that the rest of him doesn't care either way. And I believe him.

But yeah, sometimes the personal thing can be even worse.

Abyssinia,

Barrie

[Trillium]

Hmm, I was just thinking about posting on this issue when I got home from my date.

Tonight (or maybe it was this morning, earlier) I told a guy I'm dating that I have a sexual fetish, as we were sharing various secrets with each other. I've been on 3 dates with him, and I know he's very openminded and accepting about people. I didn't tell him precisely what my fetish was, but I did say that it didn't involve hurting people, or breaking any laws, or something that he would find weird or disgusting. He said, but you haven't told me what it is. I told him that I'd tell him next time I saw him. Then we had a very interesting discussion about what a fetish is (his question) and whether it developed in a person due to nature or nurture (which he, as a biologist, thinks is a false dichotomy). We then talked about whether certain traits or behaviors are genetic or learned behavior, and the discussion veered off to garter snakes in California that either do or do not eat leeches. (Apparently by cross-breeding the 2 types of snakes, scientists found that leech-eating is actually a genetic trait passed down to offspring, and this was the first time that behavior was found to be genetic.)

It was a really awesome discussion, and he also volunteered without my prompting him that he would not share my secret with anyone else.

Then he asked me, how did it feel to me that I told? I said: I feel brave, honest, true to myself, free. It felt great. It was very empowering.

[Geist]

I've told probably a hundred people in my life and I've never had a bad experience. Ever.

Please do not make your post sound like a dire warning to those who may be considering telling.

Just because someone has a bad experience does not mean you "shouldn't tell." You'll have to forgive me, but this logic irritates me. Not everyone views the fetish as a deep, dark secret. I realize that the reasoning behind telling/not telling is different for everyone and my experiences are unique to me.

But honestly....I've told so many people (including my ENTIRE family) and no one gives a rat's tush. If someone goes JFLSDKFJSDKFJ at you, it's THEIR problem. Do not choose to make it yours.

~Aku

[S_L]

Please do not make your post sound like a dire warning to those who may be considering telling.

Just because someone has a bad experience does not mean you "shouldn't tell." You'll have to forgive me, but this logic irritates me. Not everyone views the fetish as a deep, dark secret.

Equally, not everyone views the fetish as something they want to spread to the world and place a front page ad about it in their local paper. Please do not make your post read like an admonishment to people that choose not to tell.

My sex life is personal to me and I happen to like to keep it that way. I could tell a bunch of people, I'm not ashamed of the fetish, but I really don't see the point. Similarly I'm not that desperate to know how my friends, family and work colleagues get their kicks in the bedroom either.

I really don't see what the big deal about telling is - it sometimes seems this board is clogged up with people agonising over who they should tell, when they should tell them and how they should tell them. Aside from telling someone who you're in a relationship with, what do you really gain by telling anyone else? (And did you ever stop to consider whether the person you told really wanted to know that about you?)

Hey, but whatever people want to do is fine by me. We're all different. But I think it's only natural that the "I've told a bunch of people" members on this board have a louder voice, because "I prefer to keep this as personal to me" doesn't make for a very interesting post. Thus forum watchers probably have a skewed view and start to think everyone else out there is walking around with SF t-shirts, SF bumper stickers and that they have regular conversations with their mates about how hot Fred from accounts is when he has his allergies.

[Geist]

Equally, not everyone views the fetish as something they want to spread to the world and place a front page ad about it in their local paper. Please do not make your post read like an admonishment to people that choose not to tell.

I did no such thing. You are attempting to twist my words via a mismatching of reverse psychological sequencing. Do not do that because I realize what you are doing.

My sex life is personal to me and I happen to like to keep it that way. I could tell a bunch of people, I'm not ashamed of the fetish, but I really don't see the point. Similarly I'm not that desperate to know how my friends, family and work colleagues get their kicks in the bedroom either.

No one is suggesting that a sex life should be "front page news." Some people are more open, some are not. As a society, most are raised to be sexually repressed or at least "quiet" about it. Those who choose to be otherwise are often shunned for it and labeled accordingly. The other side of the fence may appear unappealing, but that does not make it wrong. I never suggested that this was the case with the fetish.

I really don't see what the big deal about telling is - it sometimes seems this board is clogged up with people agonising over who they should tell, when they should tell them and how they should tell them. Aside from telling someone who you're in a relationship with, what do you really gain by telling anyone else? (And did you ever stop to consider whether the person you told really wanted to know that about you?)

There's a little thing called "trust" between close friends that people sometimes utilize. Sharing any facet of yourself with a willing and trusted ear is NOTHING to be ashamed of and to suggest otherwise is illogical. My friends and I know many things FAR more important than a fetish about each other. Most people who are close do.

Hey, but whatever people want to do is fine by me. We're all different. But I think it's only natural that the "I've told a bunch of people" members on this board have a louder voice, because "I prefer to keep this as personal to me" doesn't make for a very interesting post. Thus forum watchers probably have a skewed view and start to think everyone else out there is walking around with SF t-shirts, SF bumper stickers and that they have regular conversations with their mates about how hot Fred from accounts is when he has his allergies.

It is unfair to make such a generalization regarding the "voices" on this forum. Each person's level of interest is unique. It is unfair to assume what the majority thinks, for you do not really know any better than I do.

Neener.

~Aku

[S_L]

Maybe someone should do a poll - then it won't be me guessing at what people think, it will be me accurately interpreting what people think. Look, I've been in this community for 7 years now and have read forums, chatted perosnally with people and even met one or two face to face. I'm not just whistling in the dark on this.

As for being sexually repressed - obviously I can only talk for myself - but keeping my sexual interests within the boundaries of myself and my partner is what I choose to do. That doesn't mean I'm repressed, it just means I choose to keep quiet about what I get up to. I have plenty of fun, trust me.

I'm not knocking anyone who feels it's important to share this stuff with their friends or family, but I do also read people on this forum who are really questioning how and where are the best ways to share stuff and to me it doesn't always seem like they have that much to gain from doing it.

Once told, you can't untell and even if chances are that reactions will be good, you should still balance that factor in there and give it sufficient weighting.

And again, I have to repeat: does the person you're choosing to tell want you to tell them? Do people even think about this aspect? I would in no way judge a member of my family if they had a fetish, but I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable with them sharing the details with me. Of course if it was important to them to share it and it meant a huge deal to them, then I'd be there for them, but still. Sometimes when people agonise over telling it seems to me the only thing they think about is themselves.

And finally:

Some people are more open, some are not. As a society, most are raised to be sexually repressed or at least "quiet" about it. Those who choose to be otherwise are often shunned for it and labeled accordingly. The other side of the fence may appear unappealing, but that does not make it wrong.

Huh? I never said it was wrong. I'm merely putting forward a different alternative. Aren't we having a discussion here? Isn't this the basis on which forums work?

[Bondi]

I personally think that with this type of thing, getting as many perspectives as possible on it would be a good thing as it balances things out. Yeah, all these possible outcomes might be confusing and everything as to which result to expect, but at the same time, that's kind of reflective of reality in that you really don't know what to expect. Because there really are all different kinds of reactions you can get, such as someone thinking its really cool, really interesting, indifference, or being freaked out, to someone who won't sneeze around you anymore, or someone who thinks you're completely fucked up and weird. And it does depend on the person you tell. I personally think that the opening post is actually pretty useful and well done. No, its not going to tell you 100% exactly what to expect when you tell someone, but at the same time it might give you at least some idea of how it would go after you tell them, depending on how the person's mind works. And yeah, telling everyone you know that you have a sneeze fetish won't be a huge deal after the 100th time, but for the first time, it really is a huge deal and can be very scary. In general, while we do get a lot of these kinds of "advice on telling" people threads, they're still informative in that the person posting them is explaining their own results, which you can take into consideration or not.

[Geist]

I believe the issue that the "tellers" seem to have is facing the adject mortification of those who do not choose to tell. It is far more common to see, "OMG, I would DIE!" or "You have a LOT of balls" or "you are SO brave!" than, "why don't you tell? It's just a FETISH." Therefore, this whole business of "telling makes for a more exciting post" is illogical to me. It seems to absolutely shock and mortify some people to read such a thing.

I do not go around saying, "you should totally tell everyone you know. It's no big deal!" I relay my personal experience only. My words are not "how it is." My words are merely "how it is for ME." Period. The end. Understand?

However, I do not appreciate the implication that speaking of sexual fetishes or acts to others is an infringement on their mental purity and selfish act on the part of the teller. Malarkey. One need only have common sense in matters like this. If you cannot judge what you should and should not say to a person based on their personality and morals, that is your own problem.

I realize that not everyone is open to telling such things. I have certain aspects of my life that I keep extremely private just like everyone else, although the things I choose to keep private are more often because I do not feel like explaining things to someone who won't understand (or try to) anyway. Perhaps this is the reasoning with some fetishists. Perhaps not.

Still, although some may feel that the post is welll-written and justifiable, I am entitled to disagree. This IS a discussion, right? As one of those "tellers" who was not always as such, I see these types of posts differently than you do. Any post that has a title stating, "this may help you if you're thinking about telling" and then goes on to present one point of view only is not thorough, complete, or unbiased. Expect those who have a different opinion to disagree. As Bondi pointed out, different perspectives are often helpful. Therefore, I will agree that reading a thread with a healthy, thorough discussion of both sides is, indeed, helpful.

Agreement with my opinions is not necessary, but do not read into things that are not there. I find it difficult to believe that the general public would be absolutely horrified by the confession of a sneeze fetish simply based on the sheer number of people that myself and others have told who have had little to no reaction at all. They seem to forget about it as quickly as they are told. Most of the people I have told have become very curious, if not indulgent and seem to enjoy telling me what they see or even sneezing for me. That is MY personal benefit to telling. It need not be yours.

~Aku

[count tiszula]

I know I'm in the minority here, but once again we seem to be ina situation where it is quite possible for two apparently contradictory threads to coexist, both attracting largely agreeing posts on one side or the other of an issue. I assume it is because people who disagree with an initial post are less likely to add to that thread. This also suggests that a poll would not necessarily clear up the matter,as it would all depend on the form of the question asked; I suppose one could have two different polls, asking different sides of the same question.

I strongly suspectthat people who are shy about the fetish for whatever reason are less likely to post in any case.

I have told several people and been found out and outed once, and I would never in a million years tell a family member; in fact all this talk of telling mothers and siblings makes me cringe. My personal view is that one should be very careful indeed about telling anyone; in fact only tell people you are in bed with, and not all of those. Several people have been badly hurt by people they have told, posibly unwisely, and although I think it is a good thing to tell someone, I also feel that the present thread does illustrate the dangers of being too trusting; I think the balance should be redressed a bit.

It is indeed an issue of trust; I certainly don't trust friends of mine and I have good reason to know that I am wise not too. Not all people one deals with are saints of amicality; some are downright nasty.

Now, Tenshi, I know it is my failure , but I am not clear about all your points; I also know that you are admirably keen to defend people you see as under attack; but I got the impression on another thread that you were defending the, to me, odd opinion, obviously widely held, that one would not even reveal one's fetish to another fetishist with whom one was closely involved. But this is besie the point. Anyway, I don't think you realise just how lucky you are in your freinds and relations, and the fact that you have never had a bad reaction. I read your account of telling your father, and your elationship is enviably easy and humorous; sadly , not all of us are happy enough to have family like that.

I do agree that telling gets esier, up to a point, once you get used to it.

[liricospinto]

I think there are certainly valid points on both sides of this argument; to me, one deciding factor would be: What is the motivation in telling someone?

Because I think that determines, to a great extent, whether it is appropriate.

If the motivation is to share something extremely personal in the interests of being vulnerable and honest, then I would say it behooves the teller to be extremely careful regarding to whom the information is revealed.

Clearly, for some people, the fetish is not a vulnerable point. For others, it's the most vulnerable point they have. I don't think the same "rules" can apply to both sets of fetishists. The vulnerable fetishist needs to be careful. The non-vulnerable fetishist, who may take active pleasure in discussing the fetish, has a different comfort level.

As I think someone else mentioned earlier in the thread, along with one's own safety, I think it is courteous to consider the safety of the person to whom one is speaking. Some people are shy about other people's sexuality, and I feel it's delicate to honor that. If I wouldn't talk to my friend about my sexual preferences and responses in general, then I wouldn't talk to him or her about the fetish, either.

[Trillium]

I have told several people and been found out and outed once, and I would never in a million years tell a family member; in fact all this talk of telling mothers and siblings makes me cringe. My personal view is that one should be very careful indeed about telling anyone; in fact only tell people you are in bed with, and not all of those. Several people have been badly hurt by people they have told, posibly unwisely, and although I think it is a good thing to tell someone, I also feel that the present thread does illustrate the dangers of being too trusting; I think the balance should be redressed a bit.

It is indeed an issue of trust; I certainly don't trust friends of mine and I have good reason to know that I am wise not too. Not all people one deals with are saints of amicality; some are downright nasty.

I agree with what you said, Count. Since the fetish is sexual, I wouldn't discuss it with anyone with whom I would not discuss the intimate details of my sex life. That includes my mother and siblings. (I wouldn't want to know about their sex lives, either! ) For most of my friends it would be TMI, too.

But that's just me. Everyone's different. Whatever flips your switch . . . . .

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

I've told probably a hundred people in my life and I've never had a bad experience. Ever.

I may be wrong, as I haven't ever counted, but I'm fairly certain you're in the minority there. I'm not saying that's a reason to not tell; I'm just saying that it's one of those "Your mileage may vary" things, same as the "Wow, what an awful experience" stories.

But honestly....I've told so many people (including my ENTIRE family) and no one gives a rat's tush. If someone goes JFLSDKFJSDKFJ at you, it's THEIR problem. Do not choose to make it yours.

Ok, I think I've pointed this out before: Aku, I respect you in a way that I don't really respect any others. You have taken the idea of not caring what others think, or at least not allowing their feelings to affect you, to new heights. I only wish that I could be the same way. HOWEVER. I'm not. Nor is anyone I know. It's all very nice for you to say that you don't care what anyone thinks, so that means that you can say whatever you want without fear of their response, but it's not like that for most of us. We DO care what people think. Especially when it's people whose opinions we respect (which, I think, is why a lot of people here--me included--seem to be very flattered when you respond positively to their posts), or when it's people we have no choice but to be with. And, a lot of us are embarrassed, not about having the fetish itself, but about being seen as "weird" by people we care about, especially people who have somewhat of a vested interest in us (like our parents; I mentioned that my mother has a need to see me as sexually "normal" and I have a need to not destroy that view of hers, because I hate the way she looks at me when she thinks there's something odd going on). Saying "It's their problem, not yours" is like saying "It's irrelevant if you're gay and your parents are homophobes, as long as you believe that what you're doing is ok." It's not ok. It's hurtful, and scary, and makes you feel ashamed because you have this secret that you're too scared to tell, lest they look at you with disgust and lack of respect. Of course we'd all like to hold our heads up high, and say "I don't care what they think, because they're just narrow-minded." But unless whoever the person is that you're talking about is like that in all areas (in which case maybe you really don't care what they think), you may very well care what they think. And if that makes me, and the other people on this Forum who I KNOW feel the same way, weak, then fine. We're weak. It'll just be another thing for us to feel sad, guilty, and ashamed about. But please don't make it sound as though it's completely easy for the average person to just blurt out whatever they want, completely secure in the knowlege that no one's words can ever hurt them.

Abyssinia,

Barrie, stepping off her soapbox and running behind the nearest rock

[Geist]

I had written quite a long ramble here, buuuuuttt.....I saw something shiny and decided that this meant I needed to lighten up and change my mind.

There was no need for you to make personal assumptions about my character in this manner. If I am reading your intent incorrectly, I am willing to admit my failure to understand and graciously ask for you forgiveness. However, "not giving a damn about what others think" does not mean "I am IMPERVIOUS to what you say!" It means, "I hear what you say, perhaps feel some manner of emotion and then, I choose to discard it, rather than dwell on it." Thusly, I do not KEEP a damn, if you will.

Anyway, I did not use the words "weak" or "wrong." I did not make the assumptions about "non-tellers" that you believe that I have made. I have not implied any of those things.

As the Bushido Code demands, I shall now walk away and proceed not to keep a damn. I do not always follow the Code correctly, but I am still learning. I am trying. The honorable and respectful thing to do is respectfully disagree. This is what I shall do you with you regarding your assumptions about my words and opinions. You may have them, of course. But they are not an accurate representation of my character if you do not know me very (and I mean VERY) well.

~Aku

[(hippo)]

Hey, but whatever people want to do is fine by me. We're all different. But I think it's only natural that the "I've told a bunch of people" members on this board have a louder voice, because "I prefer to keep this as personal to me" doesn't make for a very interesting post. Thus forum watchers probably have a skewed view and start to think everyone else out there is walking around with SF t-shirts, SF bumper stickers and that they have regular conversations with their mates about how hot Fred from accounts is when he has his allergies.

Im sorry, but this is stupid

From what i've observed in my time here, the lucky FEW that like to stand tall and proud about are fetish are the people that other members here generally goggle at for their confidence in that.

It is CERTAINLY not the case that " forum watchers probably have a skewed view and start to think everyone else out there is walking around with SF t-shirts, SF bumper stickers and that they have regular conversations with their mates about how hot Fred from accounts is when he has his allergies.:".

Members that show their fetish to the world are generally commended for their attitude but most of us make comments in situations and posts such as these like "wow, that's great but im too shy to do that" or something along those lines.

Of the one thousand members or so, there is only a small handful of those who have "bumper stickers" etc. that do that sort of thing in public.

But if these people are not getting their view "skewered" by these confident public fetishists, if they read those posts about these actions they read the comments afterwards, like what i mentioned above.

Now, it's late and im tired and ive probably been repeating myself in this thread

So, nothing against you mate, i just dont like that comment

Goodnight!

[Sternuto]

I found (in my VAST experience ) that it depends more on the tellee, than the teller. Ive told 3 or 4 intimate freinds (all female), and only ONE reacted positively. Of the other 2 or 3.... well.... one NEVER, and I MEAN NEVER sneezed in front of me in the 3 years that I was with her. After she dumped me, she faked a couple (very VERY realistic fakes too ) just to make me look like a fool. (Like THAT takes talent! ) Its OK now, though. 4 years later...... She was a ****! Sorry... what am I saying "WAS"? She still IS!!

Another apologizes profusely anytime she sneezes in front of me. "Oh.... Im so very, VERY sorry. I couldnt help it. GOD, Im sorry!!" Like giving Sternuto wood is a sin. (Like THAT takes talent! ).

Depends on the person told. Not the person telling.

[KawaiiKitty]

Er...

I really don't want to piss off anyone who already posted here, and I debated whether or not to say this but I must be in the mood for punishment because I'm going to say it anyway. And I am NOT agreeing OR disagreeing with anything that any one person said here so PLEASE nobody get mad at me or think I'm taking anyone's side over anyone elses!

But, I just wanted to say, I think the original poster's point was that they used talking about fetishes in general as a way to test the waters to see if they should tell a particular person. If I understand the story properly, the original poster already has a sister who knows and wasn't sure whether to tell the other one.

For what it's worth I think that's a pretty good idea. I think Fifi's point was good too in that somebody might SAY "oh fetishes are weird" but once they KNOW somebody with it they might not think it's that weird after all. But I just wanted to say the "testing the waters" idea sounded pretty good to me, for someone who might be in that situation.

I just kindof thought that the debate might scare people into thinking that nobody wants their "telling people" stories but a discussion board is there for people to share the ideas that are personal to THEM so if 576 people have 576 different opinions we should be happy to listen right? But it's not MY board anyway so it's not really for me to say what's what!

I'll be in the corner, awaiting the pitchforks now.

(For the record, I am a VERY private person. I'm not even inclined to tell people what I had for breakfast yesterday. Major trust issues with, well the human race really. I'm working on changing that. But it wouldn't bother me or offend me if someone chose to confide in me something like that. It does not bother, offend or upset me to hear about people who are open about themselves. That happens to be my personal take on the matter.)

[chui]

Well, that showed me that I can't trust R with this secret. So the next time you want to tell someone, but don't know if you should, try having this type of conversation in order to test them.

i think this is a GREAT idea if you are wondering how a particular person will react. not everyone sees a fetish as a neutral or even good thing, and there is certainly nothing wrong with testing the waters to see how someone will respond. by bringing up the subject in a roundabout way, you have the opportuniy to see how they will take the news, without just jumping out on a limb and blurting it out...

[chui]

Ok, I think I've pointed this out before: Aku, I respect you in a way that I don't really respect any others. You have taken the idea of not caring what others think, or at least not allowing their feelings to affect you, to new heights. I only wish that I could be the same way. HOWEVER. I'm not. Nor is anyone I know. It's all very nice for you to say that you don't care what anyone thinks, so that means that you can say whatever you want without fear of their response, but it's not like that for most of us. We DO care what people think. Especially when it's people whose opinions we respect

Normally I wouldnt step in here, but I think you may have mistaken the meaning behind Aku's words. It isnt that Aku, or any of us who are bold in the telling of the fetish dont care about what anyone else says. It is that we refuse to allow the opinions of other people to dictate to us how we live our lives, in this and any other aspect. There is a world of difference between ignoring the opinions of others or considering their input to being irrelevant, and making the choices that are best for yourself when you know that others may not like them or understand them. That speaks of a level of maturity, not the callousness it is being portrayed as. Of course there will be some insecurity over how people will respond, after all, we are all human. But some people move beyond that. They say what they feel should be said, and do what they feel needs to be done. There is no superhuman ability to this, no added powers behind it, just the decision to do so.

And if that makes me, and the other people on this Forum who I KNOW feel the same way, weak, then fine. We're weak. It'll just be another thing for us to feel sad, guilty, and ashamed about.

Never ever, would Aku or any of the other "teller" members of the forum call someone weak for not telling about the fetish, or anything else in life. It is a personal aspect of someones life, not something that we just blurt out on streetcorners. If a person does not feel inclined to tell, then they are making the decision for themselves, in what they view as their best interest. It is not weak, nor should anyone feel sad, guilty or ashamed because they are doing so. I feel somewhat resentful at the implication that Aku or any of the others of us act this way, and so all others must be weaklings. This is NOT how we feel, nor do we EVER try to make someone feel ashamed for living their life as they see fit! I cannot control whether someone feels ashamed about not telling, I cannot control if they internalize, and build guilt and insecurity. But i will not change my actions, and hide and not tell people when i feel like i should because of it. If that is seeming like i do not care, i apologize, but each of us must live our lives to the fullest. What is best for me may not be best for you, and i will not hold you to my standards. likewise, no one should hold themselves to the standards that Aku or any of the rest of us live by. but please do not suggest that WE are considering anyone else to be weak, ashamed or guilty when we do not. It is a personal choice to feel this way, just as you make the choice not to tell. When a person decides not to allow someone to make them feel inferior or weak, then they will no longer allow the opinions of others to direct their actions. Many people hate to hear that they are feeling this way because they allow themselves to, but never once has Aku, myself or anyone else accused someone of being weak for choosing not to tell. We may wish that they had the inner confidence and security to say that other peoples opinions, while vaild and certainly worthy as external input, will no longer rule their lives, but that is because we know that to be a heathier lifestyle than constant doubt and insecurity.

But please don't make it sound as though it's completely easy for the average person to just blurt out whatever they want, completely secure in the knowlege that no one's words can ever hurt them.

Words will always hurt. words can cut a person deeper than any weapon, and can leave wounds that refuse to heal. this is a lesson that Aku and i both know very well. never have we said that it is easy to tell anyone and everyone about this fetish. just because Aku and I have no qualms about it, doesnt mean that we think no one else should be nervous about it. it means that WE dont. and yes, some people will respond scathingly to the knowledge of the fetish. we accept that fact, and know it is a possiblity when we tell someone. we open ourselves up to the hurt that their words and rejection can cause. but for US there is a greater benefit behind telling people than the risk of being hurt by their reaction. we say the things that we say, in the hopes that those members of the forum who are just too scared to even look at the possibility of telling someone, will realize that there are good results of telling. not everyone will reject you based on it. we are not telling everyone that they should go out and spread the word...but we do not want people to think they should be ashamed, or that they should feel weird, or guilty about this. i personally hope that everyone on this forum reaches a place where they are perfectly happy with themselves and the fetish. be that telling others or not. it is everyones personal choice. and this choice can be very difficult. we are merely presenting the second side of the story. some have bad experiences, some have good. isnt it wise to hear both sides, that way you can make an informed decision on whether you will tell someone or not? we are merely presenting our side.

so please dont put words in our mouths, or say that we are implying things, or making other people feel inferior. for myself, and Aku, we care about the people on this forum. You are part of our family, and we wish only for everyone here to enjoy thier fetish, to embrace it and not let others make them feel weird or strange. if anyone doesnt like that, or sees it as a bad motive, that is their personal right. but i can say, i do not care, in that i will not change my motive or course of action based on someone elses opinion. in that right, yes, i do not care.

[TeaParty]

I showed my mom a topic about fetishes on another community.

He who started the thread was litterally puking over all fetishists, horrified by that people get "turned on by all sort of things; feet, diapers, computers, everything!". (people found his comment so abusive that his thread was locked and he was banned from the forums. ).

I asked mom if she agreed to what he said, and she nodded her head, saying yes. I asked why and she replied with something like: "when you have a fetish, you *blablabla*". I couldn't believe it! She, who is so unprejudiced, goes and says things like this!

I really, really want to tell her about this fetish of mine (I have my reasons)!But I don't think she'll ever see me the same way again (although she'll most likely pretend to), cuz she'll probably feel uneasy when someone (real or in movies) sneezes in my presence. That would feel.....quite like teh wrongness! ...

[Sneesee]

Of the one thousand members or so, there is only a small handful of those who have "bumper stickers" etc. that do that sort of thing in public.

Hey, just who are you referring to with the bumper sticker comment? I'm teasing, of course. I know exactly who you are talking about, and I haven't had one bad experience with that either. My hubby gets a little shy when people ask him what it means, but I sure as hell don't! In fact, even my Head Cashier friend that knows, said a sticker like that still doesn't say, "Hi, I have a sneezing fetish."

Perhaps it is just that I really do not care what other people think of me. But, in the very beginning, I tested the waters with even my own husband, just because I was shy and insecure about being turned on by sneezing. I do think that testing someone out before you tell is a wonderful idea! I mean, why not?

Also, I have only told people who are close to me, that I'm comfortable with, and have discussed other things of a sexual nature with. I do not go around telling just anyone about this. I wouldn't even dream of telling my parents, sister, or in-laws! NEVER! ICK!

I don't see why we all keep picking on each other about this. To tell is a very personal decision, and each person and situation is very different. I don't think we should ever say you should or you shouldn't to somone, based on our actions and reults. Everyone and everthing is unique!

Can't we all just get along and enjoy our fetish, tellers and non-tellers? (Hmmm, just like the Star Belly Sneetches, he he) I mean, we are all here to support each other, not tease each other and get all prickly every time a "telling" thread is posted. I mean, right?

[Rhomberg Rabbit]

I found (in my VAST experience ) that it depends more on the tellee, than the teller. Ive told 3 or 4 intimate freinds (all female), and only ONE reacted positively. Of the other 2 or 3.... well.... one NEVER, and I MEAN NEVER sneezed in front of me in the 3 years that I was with her. After she dumped me, she faked a couple (very VERY realistic fakes too ) just to make me look like a fool. (Like THAT takes talent! ) Its OK now, though. 4 years later...... She was a ****! Sorry... what am I saying "WAS"? She still IS!!

Another apologizes profusely anytime she sneezes in front of me. "Oh.... Im so very, VERY sorry. I couldnt help it. GOD, Im sorry!!" Like giving Sternuto wood is a sin. (Like THAT takes talent! ).

Depends on the person told. Not the person telling.

HELLO!