Choosing a partner - what part does the fetish play?

[S_L]

I thought I'd post this to follow up Countless and her topic about cheating.

When you were (or if you are) single, would the fetish play any part in your search for a partner? Either consciously: i.e. you actively looked for a sneezy partner or someone who would press your fetish hot button. Or peripherally: i.e. it wasn't the most important factor, but it was in the mix of things you considered.

Personally, someone who turned me on fetish-wise, would seem worth getting to know better. If something clicked once we got to know each other, then I guess that would be a lucky match. If there was no other spark once I knew the person more closely, then that would be the end of it.

If you think about it, the reasons you first meet up with someone tend to be pretty random anyway, so why not...

Anyway, what are other people's experiences?

[KawaiiKitty]

Well, even though I'm not single, I like answering topics!

For me, when I've met potential partner the fetish did not consciously play any part in it at all. I say "consciously" because it's possible that it played a part that I didn't notice because I wasn't thinking about it that way. I've never fancied someone just because of how they sneeze, never stopped fancying someone because I DIDN'T like their sneeze and on my first dates I was usually thinking about if our personalities went together, rather than wondering if they were a sneezy person.

I might be in the minority though.

I'm not saying "fetishy" things didn't become enjoyable later, but it's not high on my list of things I worry about in a potential partner! Even LOOKS are pretty far down the list. (I'm not saying I'm not shallow. I'm very shallow. "Must be musical" is up there at the top of my list of desirable qualities! )

[Vetinari]

Previously when I was younger it played no part. For me it was all about personality and any sneeziness that went with it was a bonus. However if I were to look now it would definitely be much higher in my list of priorities. It wouldn't be top of my list but I would never again choose to stay with a partner who was uninterested / unwilling to indulge the fetish.

[Geist]

If the partner is unwilling to accept/understand/moderately indulge me in this fetish, then it is the same as rejecting a facet of me. I cannot be with someone like that.

However....

I find that even if I do not like the sneeze intially, if I like the PERSON, the sneeze grows on me. Oddly enough, a sure sign that my relationship is in danger of ending is when the sneeze no longer "does it" for me.

Therefore, I would say the fetish is a somewhat significant factor for me when choosing a partner, but it is certainly not the top priority.

[Sneesee]

Previously when I was younger it played no part. For me it was all about personality and any sneeziness that went with it was a bonus. However if I were to look now it would definitely be much higher in my list of priorities. It wouldn't be top of my list but I would never again choose to stay with a partner who was uninterested / unwilling to indulge the fetish.

Honestly, this is so like me! I actually dated a lot of guys who either never or rarely sneezed in my presence. And to me, back then, it wasn't about their sneezes, although I always hoped for them to sneeze more.

If I had to date now, I'd probably be up front about my fetish, and check to see if the person was willing to indulge me or not, because it has become such a huge part of me and my personality. I would want to make sure that A) They were okay with me having the fetish, and That they would want to play around with it and use it to their fullest advantage. Now, if I met someone that was shy about it, and really had a terrific personality and we got along well, I'd probably not make a huge deal out of it. But, to know me is to know about this fetish now. Back then, when I was dating, it was a totally different story.

And, for the time being, I don't have to date, so I guess I don't have to worry about it just yet.

[Trillium]

I agree with KK, Aku and Sneesee. It's not the first thing I'm looking for; however, I'm going to be up front about it from now on. If a partner didn't accept that part of me, it would pretty much doom the relationship for me, even if everything else was "perfect." (That may be more about accepting me entirely than being willing to indulge me in the fetish.)

But on the other hand, I highly doubt that getting along fetish-wise would be enough to save a floundering relationship, since sex and lust are only parts of a relationship but aren't the only things that a good relationship is based on, as important as they might be.

(I'm not sure I'm making complete sense here, because I haven't had my coffee yet this morning.)

[brownsville]

hmm, although i would say that *consciously* it doesnt play a part in it, i think subconsciously it does- i'm not attracted to quite no nonsense, forthright people, if that makes sense, because (although i'm not a teller) i don't think theyll indulge me. i really cant explain it, but i can think of people that i know for example, that if i said "aww! your sneeze is so cute!" theyd go "what..the..f***? erm, okay...whatever..." and give me a strange look. I'm a bit like that (though i dont sneeze in public) i dont really like accepting sympathy. Whereas somebody like my boyfriend likes a good moan and likes the attention, so if i told (which i wouldn't!) he *would* be probably likely to indulge me. i have a friend who kind of plays up to the whole sneezing thing, because thats part of her personality and she likes the attention. Whereas i have other friends who just talk, sneeze go "yuk! anyway..." then carry on, and are pretty straight about the whole thing. it's difficult to explain, but i've come to be able to "pick" people who i think i'd be able to get a bit of subtle fetish activity out of!

[liricospinto]

While it's a fantasy of mine to have a really sneezy partner, I'd say that a guy's sneezing is a low priority for me -- if I am attracted to the guy, I will be attracted to his sneezing, also. I doubt that I will ever share the fetish with a partner; to me, at least half the pleasure is the sneezer's obliviousness to my enjoyment ... in my own case, I think it would ruin it if my partner knew. So the receptiveness, or lack thereof, of a potential partner isn't on my radar at all.

[shy_obsession]

I find that even if I do not like the sneeze intially, if I like the PERSON, the sneeze grows on me.

That basically sums it up for me.

[Secret98]

To be honest, I'm afraid that if I ever have to go on a date with someone, they might sneeze If my friend ever hooks me up on a date my first fear is "What if they sneeze?!" then there could be this akward silence, where he might wonder why I didn't bless him and then it goes on with the paranoid thoughts...

when it comes to what I look for in a partner, I don't care how they sneeze, I mean all the fun of when you first start to like someone is the "I wonder what they sneeze like?" and then when they do, it doesn't matter to me what they sneeze like, it has always been this way with me, if they sneeze opposite to my preferred taste and I have feelings for them I still love their sneeze

What really matters to me is certain things in the guy's personality;

he has to be:

kind

loving

caring

puts me others first

a sense of humor to match mine

understands me

is there for me

not a perfectionist

calm (so they can handle my constent anxiety)

honest

emotionally strong

doesn't drink alcohol

doesn't do drugs or smoke cigarettes

responsable

that's all I can think of for now...

[King_of_the_ruins]

i'm on the side with KK, Aku, and Sneesee.

I just got lucky that Jodi has no problem with my fetish, and is willing to indulge. Even though she's not very sneezy, the quality of when she does sneeze more than makes up for quantity

I very easily become a puddle when she does sneeze, and have had enough times that was all it took to make me , and she knows it.

Even when we go through spells where we aren't sexually active, just her as a person turns me on outside of fetishy stuff

then just spending time together makes her happy, doesn't have to be anything sexual.

it all works out for us, and that's all that matters

[KawaiiKitty]

I know I already answered in here but heck, I'm going to go again!

Just because yesterday my husband was sneezing and it made me remember this bit.

When we were first dating I loved his sneezing because...well, when you're first dating even their farts seem like they come from heaven. You just love everything about them. Now, I often find them annoying-they're the kind I have dubbed "Attention Seekers". Vocalised and fake sounding.

Now...given that I'm a fetishist, one would think that would be a really big deal to me. But...it's not, somehow. I wouldn't break up with him or anything just because he can't hit my fetish button. Heck, usually the sneezes I hear inside my head are far better than the ones I hear with my ears!

That could explain why I'm not so pushed to tell him about the fetish. (I tried once but he wasn't interested...that'll teach me to have that conversation when he's watching Battlestar Galactica! ) Imagine telling a man you have a special button that turns you on...and then having to tell him that he just can't push that button. That would just be cruel, I think!

[Scarlett]

Hmm...well....I don't think I have chosen anyone previously because of the fetish. We got together for other reasons and fetish wise, I just enjoyed whatever they had to offer I think only one of them has been seriously sneezy, very bad hayfever and no meds Sadly I didn't really understand my fetish at the time so didn't get to fully appreciate it.

Newly single after a long time now.....I still don't think it would play a serious part in finding someone new. It would be a luxurious extra bonus I think. And as someone above said....when I like someone, I find their sneeze attractive after a while anyway, even if it was a sort I never liked before. And when things start to dwindle, I start to go off the sneeze...although actually that never happened with the ex

I am still not entirely sure on whether their willingness to indulge the fetish is an issue or not, as I am still not entirely decided on whether it's a good thing to share. I shared with my ex. And whilst he didn't take it badly, he never did try and play. And because he knew, some of the innocence was removed anyway so I never got to enjoy them as much after that. I think. So...if I am not going to tell, it doesn't matter whether he'd be willing to play or not

[Lady Tori]

Well, my learning about and acceptance of the fetish happened kind of simultaneously with the beginning of my relationship. I believe that D's acceptance and love for it as a part of me is what helped me to accept and love it myself. If it had bothered him, I probably wouldn't have broken up with him over it, but then again that would depend on the extent to which it bothered him (e.g. did he mind me coming to the forum, listening to wavs, etc).

I remember when I first found out that D had allergies and was generally sneezy, I panicked! This was before I had discovered the forum and found out there were other people like me. Like GS_Coyote, I was afraid of what would happen if he sneezed on a date or something. This was why, once I discovered the forum and had the revelation that I was not alone, that I told him about it. I wanted him to know why I acted so weird sometimes when he had allergy attacks (which he admitted to having noticed!) and I wanted him to know because I was becoming aware that this was a huge part of my sexuality.

If I lost D and had to date now, I would probably be more upfront about it when the relationship became sexual. It would be a gauge for "do they truly accept me for who I am" and their reaction would tell me whether a longer term relationship is worth pursuing.

[countless]

Of course I did not choose my partner just because of his sneezes. It takes more to seduce me .

BUT I have experienced over the years that the fetish is drawing my attention towards certain people

(and giving me feelings of sympathy for them) I maybe would not even have noticed if they hadn't

been sneezing / blowing ...

[Guest]

UMM interesting theory Countless

[Feta Sneeze]

If the partner is unwilling to accept/understand/moderately indulge me in this fetish, then it is the same as rejecting a facet of me. I cannot be with someone like that.

I agree; if someone didn't accept this part of me, it would be devastating to the relationship, and a downright turn-off.

I don't think the fetish actively plays a part in finding the right person, but when I'm "seeing" someone (thinking about dating them) I constantly am thinking "Gee...I wonder how their sneeze sounds..." etc.

So, not a priority, but it is something I contemplate...

[Kitty]

If the partner is unwilling to accept/understand/moderately indulge me in this fetish, then it is the same as rejecting a facet of me. I cannot be with someone like that.

However....

I find that even if I do not like the sneeze intially, if I like the PERSON, the sneeze grows on me. Oddly enough, a sure sign that my relationship is in danger of ending is when the sneeze no longer "does it" for me. Therefore, I would say the fetish is a somewhat significant factor for me when choosing a partner, but it is certainly not the top priority.

I am in complete agrement - with one exception, were the sneeze to repulse me, then I might not ever get to know or continue to be with that person.

[doggo]

Hmmm, yeah, I think it works the negative way around. That means I wouldn't date someone for a wonderful sneeze, but I wouldn't date someone who's sneeze I didn't like, someone who would spit instead of blowing etc either. But I guess that some of my preferences relating to looks stem from the fetish, mainly the importance of a nice, attractive, kind of sensitive-looking nose.