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Guilt and feeling dirty


katia

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I don't know how spiritual people are around here, if anyone else has ever even considered this.

I am very much undecided on the subject of whether or not there is a god or an afterlife.

But I can't help but feel scared and guilty that there is a life after death, and that my grandmother, who passed away a couple of years ago, might be out there somewhere, watching me.

I loved my grandmother like my best friend, but to have her know about this fetish is appalling. For a long time after she died I tried my best not to even think about sneezing, just to be sure that her spirit, out there somewhere, couldn't listen in on my thoughts and discover my secret.

Often when I'm on this forum, I feel as though somebody is watching me in disgust. I feel immense guilt and find myself minimizing the screen at random, hiding it, even when I know I'm the only one in the house.

I just wonder, if she's watching me, and she sees this, sees my obsession and my fetish, how I could bear to ever be with her again, should I die too and join her in the afterlife. I can't stand the thought of the shame.

Has anyone else ever had similar thoughts? Can anyone else understand this fear?

For those of you who might be religous, do you ever feel guilt that your God might dissaprove and you might be going to hell for this?

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oh sweetie....im so tired right now, that ill have to return to this when im awake, but i want you to know that you are not alone in your thoughts. many of us here have at one point in time thought of how others would respond were they to know...and many people here are very shy or ashamed about the fetish, feeling that it is something to be hidden away, or something dirty almost. but this fetish is a part of who you are. it is something you were born with, unless you are one of the rare individuals who caught it, and is beyond your control. it is not something to be ashamed of, or to feel guilt over. it is just a human reaction to a pleasurable stimulus. it may not seem like it, but it is perfectly natural. please, for your own sake, dont get drawn into the web of feeling like you must hate yourself, or hide this away to be "normal".

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aarrgh! thank god! the same thought HAS crossed my mind- i always hear spiritualists or psychics or religious leaders saying "your loved ones can see everything you do.." the thought of my gran or dad being able to see this!! or anything sexual! hahaha! it makes me feel sick..! i dont know- its always been a question i'd like to be able to ask to understand better, but yeah- does the omniscience of passing to the other side mean that they can see EVERYTHING? *gulp!*

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Often when I'm on this forum, I feel as though somebody is watching me in disgust. I feel immense guilt and find myself minimizing the screen at random, hiding it, even when I know I'm the only one in the house.

I just wonder, if she's watching me, and she sees this, sees my obsession and my fetish, how I could bear to ever be with her again, should I die too and join her in the afterlife. I can't stand the thought of the shame.

There are just some things not everyone needs to know. It's important to be who YOU are and to be happy. If you're not being true to yourself will you really be happy?

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

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I wasn't sure whether or not to answer this because my spiritual path is not and has never been (except for a couple months of curiousity in my teens) Christianity. I don't exactly believe in a creator god, and things are not "forbidden" to me as long as I don't hurt others, or crave them. So I might not be so much help in the "going to hell" department.

But I have some thoughts that are sort of related.

Spirits, ghosts, whatever...I think they are words for something that I might just have a different concept of.

After my mother died, her consciousness did come to visit me a couple times, before she moved on to her next life. She's long since moved on now, so I wouldn't really expect to feel her presence again. But, I never felt her at a time when it would have been uncomfortable for me to feel her there. I mean, there are certain things she had no desire to watch me do while she had a body, so it was no different after she left it! :dead:

I think if the person is someone who was respectful to your wishes in LIFE, they will be respectful to your wishes after death. If she knew you value your privacy, I'm sure she'd continue to respect that, even after she has left her body.

Also...I communicate with beings that a person might call "spirits" even though I don't call them that. And, although they COULD watch me doing everything, they respect the boundaries I set for them. If they know I don't want them watching me going to the toilet, they won't watch me doing that. (I must sound like the weirdest person EVER right now...) If you do feel her as a presence, and it seems like it's going to be an ongoing presence, you might want to set some ground rules like that with her! Beings without bodies really aren't that different than beings WITH them!

Is there anyone I haven't managed to freak out yet?

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I think I have had some feelings of guilt over it. However, it's not so much what other people would think of my fetish. I just always worried that if I did let people know about it, they'd be all scared about what I thought when they sneezed. But, it really hasn't been an issue for me. Everyone has their turn-ons. The one main thing I get from people I do tell is that this one is unique and basically harmless.

I think, if you choose not to tell anyone about it, why can't you enjoy this place, the people and discussions here, just so you know you aren't alone? I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I don't know if thei helps you feel less guilty.

Honestly, this place has made me feel a lot less guilty about this fetish, knowing Im not alone. I spent years and years thinking I was some sort of real deviant, getting turned on when guys sneezed, and had a lot of guilt issues over that. But, not anymore.

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I just wonder, if she's watching me, and she sees this, sees my obsession and my fetish, how I could bear to ever be with her again, should I die too and join her in the afterlife. I can't stand the thought of the shame.

Has anyone else ever had similar thoughts? Can anyone else understand this fear?

i really have been looking for the most polite way of phrasing this...but nothing seems to come to mind, so firgive me if this sounds a bit crass. your grandmother was once a young woman, and as she is your grandmother, it would be safe to say that she has uhm....had her share of physical experiences. she, in life, and in spirit, knows what it is like to have desires, and given that she acted upon hers, i dont think she would blame you for feeling some of the same.

i would tend to agree with KK that ther are some things you just dont watch people doing, and as close as you were to her, im sure she respected your boundaries when she was alive, and if she is watching over you, that she continues to.

my father died when i was younger, and there are times when i feel as though he is with me, watching over me and guiding me, but i dont see him as watching me non-stop. he guides me when i need guidance, he supports me when i need support, but he doesnt just watch my every move. at least that is how ive always felt about him. which is one reason why i do not fear him watching me, or feeling any disappointment/disgust over my fetish. the other is that i know he loved me, and that he of all the people i have ever known, accepted me unconditionally. i know he loved me enough that he would not look down upon me for this, even were he to not agree with it, or not understand it. so often i see people look down upon and disparage those things which they do not understand, when it would take very little to find out about it, and accept others for it. i did not know your grandmother, but you did, and i think you would be able to say whether she would accept you the way you are. my intuition says she would, and that she does.

For those of you who might be religous, do you ever feel guilt that your God might dissaprove and you might be going to hell for this?

i do happen to be a Christian, not that i would say i am extremely religious. i do not think that God would look down upon any of us for how we are made, especially as He made us this way. i believe that we are all given desires and such, otherwise we would not be inclined to "be fruitful and multiply" and a fetish such as this one accentuates those desires. having a reaction to a sneeze is not a sin, nor is it anything that should be frowned upon. there are things that can be done, actions taken based upon that desire which could be less than....uhm...sunday school worthy.... but they are not part of the actual fetish. there are many things in my life which could or should make me worthy of going to hell, but i truly do not think this is one of them. especially as 99.9% of fetishists are BORN with this, and have no choice in whether they experience it or not. my God is love and acceptance, not condemnation and guilt.

these are only my opinions and beliefs, but i feel very strongly towards people who are guilty regarding the fetish. there is nothing wrong with this. while this may be a very private matter, no one should ba ashamed of it. it makes me sad to see people who live in fear over this, as it could be something that brings a lot of pleasure, and not only the physical kind. there is a whole community of people here who interact with each other in many ways, many of us are just happy to have found friends here, people to relate to, and discuss things with. but that is just how i see it. few people see thinsg the same way i do, that doesnt make me right, nor does it make them wrong, it is just another way to think about it. i hope that somehow your fears will be alleviated, and that you will find peace.

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Soooooooooooo... people in the afterlife can see EVERYTHING we do?!?!? :dead:

Sounds like a bunch of pervs, to me. I'll fit in nicely! :lol:

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I didn't see anything mentioning that Nifflerbite was Christian. Did I miss something? ^_^

Now, what I'm going to say DOES have to do with Christianity, but let me preface it with something. Not all Christians are like this by a long shot. It's merely something I've noticed, so no one get all pissy. :innocent:

Some religions are fear-based and this is a device that is often used to make people "behave" in this life. I notice some facets of Christianity do this quite a bit. "If you do this, you're going to HELL! If you don't do this, you're going to HELL! God is watching you! Big Brother is watching you! EVERYONE is watching you!"

I do not agree with this, nor do I think that your gran is looking down on you. Personally, I believe you may have some guilt over this fetish and that is how it is choosing to manifest. Perhaps you are looking for a REASON to feel this way? I know it may sound nuts, but it CAN happen. :)

I am a very spiritual person, but I study an earth-based spiritual path with heavy Celtic/Native American emphasis. I do not believe that loved ones would do something like that so try not to worry. It is probably nothing more than your own mind. :hug:

~Aku

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I have no knowledge of non-Christian faiths, so this will probably be of no use; however...

If there is no God or afterlife it seems you hav nothing to worry about; by contrast, if there is, things are even better. The afterlife is a mystery, but we do know that we shall be changed; unless you feel that you have been directly contacted by your grandmother, there seems nothing to suggest that any of the faithful departed have any particular interest in matters here below; indeed , are they capable of doing so, their situation being so diffeent from anytheing we can imagine.

We may even imagine that their interst, if any, is benevolent; if your grandmother got on well with you, why should she, now in a happier place, not be happy that you are able to derive pleasure from such a simple thing; she might envy you, given that she has clearly experienced sexuality herself, were she not too busy being happy herself. Why would she think that the human condition, with all its oddities that she has experienced, is so horrible? Are you somehow to stop all bodily functions in case she, who has done them all more than you ever have, shoud be watching?

Perhaps the afterlife is just one enormous sneezing-fit, only even better, if tht were possible.

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If you do feel her as a presence, and it seems like it's going to be an ongoing presence, you might want to set some ground rules like that with her!

I feel a presense with me almost all the time, but whether or not its paranoia or actually a being or spirit with me, I cannot decide. To set ground rules seems a bit too ridiculous to me, not meaning to offend you, as I can respect your beliefs. I feel that if she's really out there watching me and has seen this, there isn't much point stopping her now, right?

I do not agree with this, nor do I think that your gran is looking down on you. Personally, I believe you may have some guilt over this fetish and that is how it is choosing to manifest. Perhaps you are looking for a REASON to feel this way? I know it may sound nuts, but it CAN happen. :)

I honestly cannot say that there would be any other reason for any guilt. I'm a pretty firm believer in being my own person, and really don't personally see anything inherently bad about this fetish, personally, its merely the opinion of others that scares me. Not because I give a hoot what they'll think of me, but because of how they might behave toward me. I'm not sure exactly how to word what I'm thinking right now.

If anything, this (somewhat irrational) fear of being watched from above, is an extension of the paranioa that my family here amongst the living, or my friends will find out. I have intense insecurity about the whole thing, because I have good relationships with my family and friends, and don't want anything to stand in the way of that, to make them think differently of me. It sounds a bit vain, and you might think that I should be able to be who I am, if they don't like it, they don't deserve me or something, but its more complicated than that.

.

We may even imagine that their interst, if any, is benevolent; if your grandmother got on well with you, why should she, now in a happier place, not be happy that you are able to derive pleasure from such a simple thing; she might envy you, given that she has clearly experienced sexuality herself, were she not too busy being happy herself. Why would she think that the human condition, with all its oddities that she has experienced, is so horrible? Are you somehow to stop all bodily functions in case she, who has done them all more than you ever have, shoud be watching?

Perhaps the afterlife is just one enormous sneezing-fit, only even better, if tht were possible.

I think that probably you're right. I shouldn't, and clearly, as I'm here posting, I haven't, stopped this form of pleasure because of fear that my grandmother is watching. This guilt and fear I have, it isn't a horrible fear. It's a little nervousness at the back of my mind, that I tend to ignore. I do not act on the fear anymore. I am still here, after all.

I am not Christian, though I attend a christian church. THat is more the work of my parents than myself, though. I do not believe in a single, self-knowing entity that is the Lord Almighty, but I do believe in a higher power, that exists to connect people and evoke emotion and bind relationships. This power may just be the power of the human soul, or it may be something larger out there. As far as afterlife goes, I can't really see the spirits sticking around on earth for long once their gone. I think it would be too painful for them to watch their loved ones and not be able to be there with them.

What I'm trying to basically say is that I don't neccessarily belive that my grandmother or anybody else is out there watching me, not at all. It's just a thought that I've had, and I wondered if anyone else had ever wondered the same. I do feel guilt and fear, maybe just in the knowledge that what this forum essentially is is porn, though I know there is much more to it than that.

I think I will stop blabbering now, because I'm fairly certain that I am not making any sense whatsoever. What people have said here have helped me get more perspective on this. Thanks.

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I don't know how spiritual people are around here, if anyone else has ever even considered this.

I am very much undecided on the subject of whether or not there is a god or an afterlife.

But I can't help but feel scared and guilty that there is a life after death, and that my grandmother, who passed away a couple of years ago, might be out there somewhere, watching me.

I loved my grandmother like my best friend, but to have her know about this fetish is appalling. For a long time after she died I tried my best not to even think about sneezing, just to be sure that her spirit, out there somewhere, couldn't listen in on my thoughts and discover my secret.

Often when I'm on this forum, I feel as though somebody is watching me in disgust. I feel immense guilt and find myself minimizing the screen at random, hiding it, even when I know I'm the only one in the house.

I just wonder, if she's watching me, and she sees this, sees my obsession and my fetish, how I could bear to ever be with her again, should I die too and join her in the afterlife. I can't stand the thought of the shame.

Has anyone else ever had similar thoughts? Can anyone else understand this fear?

For those of you who might be religous, do you ever feel guilt that your God might dissaprove and you might be going to hell for this?

OK - putting aside for the moment the whole notion that spirits or sould would concern themselves in the least with the goings on in the physical world, there is something to consider...

While it may not be a pleasant image, and certainly not one to dwell on, I can guarentee you that your grandmother was young once, and the she did in fact have sex at some point in her life. (If it makes you feel any better, so did mine.)

So why exactly would she be so judgemental of you? Without sex... let's face it: without LUST, the human race would not exsist. In and of itself sex is not imorral. Even within the confines of religious life, THINKING about sex is not in and of itself a sin. (Temptation is not a sin, it's life. GIVING IN to temptation might be - depending on your religious persuation and the nature of your action.)

But every last person on this earth including our priests, pastors and dear sweet little grandparents have had both thoughs and acts of a sexual nature. That being the case, for the life of me I'll never understand what everyone's hang up is all about.

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I'm religious, but I just never saw this as something I'm doing wrong. We're all humans, we're all sexual, we all have things that get us going. The only reason I feel guilty sometimes is because I enjoy seeing people have colds! Otherwise, I don't think we're makng anyone-dead or alive-ashamed of us. I really hope you can get past that guilt because I want you to be able to embrace this without feeling bad about it.

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Disclaimer, these are my thoughts and opinions. Please, I don't mean to offend anyone.

I am proud to call myself Catholic, and yes, I have thought a lot about this fetish and whether or not it is sinful. But I mean, I've logically analyzed it, and it's easy to compare it to like, say, a picture of a bikini model for a guy. He can look at the picture and proceed to act on the pleasure he gets from looking at it, but the picture itself was not the cause of his sin, it just lead him into temptation and he chose to go through with it and act upon it. When guys sneeze, it gives me a feeling of pleasure, but I don't act upon it and consciously choose not to do so, therefore I think that it's not a sinful fetish if you exercise caution. In my opinion, God sees everything we do, and He knows our thoughts even before we think them. If He created us to be this way, He might have given us the fetish, but He also gave us the gift of free will to choose not to sin when it comes to acting on this fetish. At least, that's what I think.

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I do not agree with this, nor do I think that your gran is looking down on you. Personally, I believe you may have some guilt over this fetish and that is how it is choosing to manifest. Perhaps you are looking for a REASON to feel this way? I know it may sound nuts, but it CAN happen. :wub:

I honestly cannot say that there would be any other reason for any guilt. I'm a pretty firm believer in being my own person, and really don't personally see anything inherently bad about this fetish, personally, its merely the opinion of others that scares me. Not because I give a hoot what they'll think of me, but because of how they might behave toward me. I'm not sure exactly how to word what I'm thinking right now.

If anything, this (somewhat irrational) fear of being watched from above, is an extension of the paranioa that my family here amongst the living, or my friends will find out. I have intense insecurity about the whole thing, because I have good relationships with my family and friends, and don't want anything to stand in the way of that, to make them think differently of me. It sounds a bit vain, and you might think that I should be able to be who I am, if they don't like it, they don't deserve me or something, but its more complicated than that.

"Guilt" wasn't exactly what I should have said. I really meant any type of "unpleasant" feeling, but I saw something shiny and didn't clarify. ;)

I think I know what you're saying. I tell many people about this fetish because I personally don't care (yeah, yeah....before anyone jumps on me, that's just MY opinion, so get over yourself... :rolleyes:).

HOWEVER!

There are times when my friends who know will look at me if someone sneezes to see what kind of reaction I'm going to have. If I don't react, they often ask why. It can be annoying to explain. Plus, I've heard of people getting "sneeze block" around others once they have been told about the fetish. I've never had this happen to someone I"ve told, but I'm sure it DOES happen. I'd be worried about that if it did.

What I think about you or your situation doesn't matter. It's what YOU think that matters.

And for the record, *points to bolded text* I'm not sure what you meant there. If you're implying that *I* think "if they don't like it, they don't deserve me," that's not correct. But if those are your thoughts about YOURSELF, then ignore me. :lol: I'm careful about who I tell for THEIR benefit, not mine.

Still, I often lock my door when I'm scanning the forum because I feel like it's MY time. I certainly wouldn't want someone looking over my shoulder, spectral or not!

My suggestion would be to burn white sage to purify the room. That's often used for "cleansing" spirits and sending them on their way, if you believe in that sort of thing. It's what I do and it seems to work well.

~Aku

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If it makes you feel any better, I'm an athiest, I don't believe in any religion, and I still feel guilty about the fetish and from time to time worry about what would happen if certain people (mostly family) found out.

This leads me to believe that your guilt has less to do with religion than other aspects of your life and personality, as others have mentioned.

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Am I afraid that my dead family members or metaphysical parent-figure are watching everything I do and disapproving of my liking for sneezing?

Umm... nope. Can't say that I am. That must suck, though. Good luck with that.

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count - you're awesome :)

I have no knowledge of non-Christian faiths, so this will probably be of no use; however...

If there is no God or afterlife it seems you hav nothing to worry about; by contrast, if there is, things are even better. The afterlife is a mystery, but we do know that we shall be changed; unless you feel that you have been directly contacted by your grandmother, there seems nothing to suggest that any of the faithful departed have any particular interest in matters here below; indeed , are they capable of doing so, their situation being so diffeent from anytheing we can imagine.

We may even imagine that their interst, if any, is benevolent; if your grandmother got on well with you, why should she, now in a happier place, not be happy that you are able to derive pleasure from such a simple thing; she might envy you, given that she has clearly experienced sexuality herself, were she not too busy being happy herself. Why would she think that the human condition, with all its oddities that she has experienced, is so horrible? Are you somehow to stop all bodily functions in case she, who has done them all more than you ever have, shoud be watching?

Perhaps the afterlife is just one enormous sneezing-fit, only even better, if tht were possible.

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If my dear-departed mom is watching me, she's seen worse than this :)

Ditto for going to hell [although personally I don't believe in hell]

I'm Jewish, if anybody cares.

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  • 2 weeks later...

oh, sweetie. I almost cried reading your post. I grew up in a strict religion and there was a lot of guilt about having sexual feelings. I left the religion but am still DEEPLY into spirituality. Only now, it brings me joy, and I refuse to follow any path that would lead me back into distrust of myself and SHAME!

This is the way I see it. Sexuality can and SHOULD BE a wonderful part of our lives here on earth. It is a physical need, just like thirst or hunger. Religion puts shame into people and uses shame about sex and the body to control people. Your fetish is a part of your sexuality and sexuality should be celebrated. You arent doing anything wrong, a fetish like this can be harmless and fun. I hate to think of you suffering over it.

I used to have a lot of shame about masturbation and fetishes, etc. My spirit and body told me that it was GOOD but religion told me it was BAD. This battle within me went on for many years. But then, I finally chose to trust myself and my own feelings!! I know I am a good person and that ENJOYING myself in this way is a relaxing thing that actually helps me feel more complete and contented!! I do the best I can to be a kind person and to live a spiritual life and I deserve to enjoy sexuality and my body!

I do take sexuality very seriously and I feel its a very special thing and that you should use good/safe judgement when choosing partners, but as far as this fetish is concerned, you are hurting no one. It is something FUN just for you! Think of it as a gift!

If there is a God, I refuse to believe that HE/SHE would be so petty as to punish us for experiencing pleasure. I believe that spirituality and religion should ENHANCE your life and bring you joy and peae. If its not doing that for you, then its time to let go of those old beliefs and move forward. I did that myself and am so glad I did. I feel that God/Goddess/The Source WANTS us to be complete, filled with joy, and enjoying our bodies and our life on this earth!

I also don't believe that our loved ones are floating around, spying on us and judging us. They probably have better things to do. And even if they were, why would they want you to deny yourself pleasure and feel ashamed. Wouldnt they want the best for you? Wouldnt they want you to express yourself and be fulfilled in every possible way?

Love to you and all the best.

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Kawaii:

I have the same beliefs about the spirit world!! I agree with what you said, i dont believe spirits would violate our privacy like that, especially spirits of loves ones. and to be honest, I am really not that worried about it. because even thought it might be EMBARRASING if my dead relatives spied on me, its not like I am doing anything wrong. enjoying sexuality is not a sin. I would be more concerned about what they might think of me if I killed someone, etc.

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I am very much undecided on the subject of whether or not there is a god or an afterlife.

But I can't help but feel scared and guilty that there is a life after death, and that my grandmother, who passed away a couple of years ago, might be out there somewhere, watching me.

I loved my grandmother like my best friend, but to have her know about this fetish is appalling. For a long time after she died I tried my best not to even think about sneezing, just to be sure that her spirit, out there somewhere, couldn't listen in on my thoughts and discover my secret.

Often when I'm on this forum, I feel as though somebody is watching me in disgust. I feel immense guilt and find myself minimizing the screen at random, hiding it, even when I know I'm the only one in the house.

For those of you who might be religous, do you ever feel guilt that your God might dissaprove and you might be going to hell for this?

Well first off, I'm like you in terms of being undecided on the subject of god and an afterlife. Sadly, I lack in faith a great deal. I'm sort of a "I-need proof" sort of person or I need to see it with my own eyes. I am, however, more afraid that there isn't an after life. As much as I'm unsure, I so want to be wrong. I hate to think that it all ends when you die.

I had the same relationship with my grandfather. He was my bestfriend, father and tower of strength. Next month will be 7 years since he's been gone and there isn't a day I don't still miss him. I couldn't possibly allow myself to worry that he's watching me. Sometimes I pray that he is able to. It's what keeps him connected to me. I have no shame in this fetish. I think it's wonderful. I can't imagine that he would think any less of me cuz of it. Lord knows there are allot worse things that do sometimes that I would be more concerned about him seeing or god dissapproving of than this wonderfully harmless, fun fetish.

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First off, I'm a Christian, but a pretty unorthodox one. I don't believe in hell, I just believe that everyone is shown God when they die, and that this is enough. I'm just saying this because I think it's relevant.

When I started here, I used to be extremely paranoid about the forum. I'd stop, and I'd feel guilty, or I'd be petrified that anyone would find out. To a certain extent, that's still there, and when people use my computer (which has a LOT of SF stuff on it), I still get a bit nervous about it, but it's not as bad as it used to be. But I'm not ashamed of my fetish in itself, and I would definitely NOT rather be without it. It's part of me, and has been forever. I'd just rather that people didn't FIND out about it. If I thought they'd be ok with it, and wouldn't mind knowing, I'd tell them.

As for guilty, I get guilty when I enjoy people (especially people I care about) having colds, and being miserable. But I get round that by just sort of logging the events away until they get better, and then thinking about them as an event, rather than something that's still going on. That's just my technique. I don't think that God, or any members of my family who have passed on (only my grandmother), would judge me for what I find pleasure out of. I think, once you die, a lot of things get revealed to you that you couldn't have learned in life. If you think about the most spiritually wise person you know, I think that souls who have gone to God go on that sort of journey. But that's just me. Basically, if you think that your grandmother's spirit is still as it was when she was alive...she loved you, and I don't think that she'd judge you for what you do.

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