"You're SOOO good-looking!"

[Guest nosey]

This has been bothering me. My husband, who is by no means fanatical about blessing people, INSISTS on saying "You're SOOOO good-looking" every time our year-old daughter sneezes. (For those who don't know, it's from a Seinfeld episode.) Anyway, I am very, very shy about all things sneeze-related, and any talk of sneezing is MORTIFYING! One of these days my parents are going to ask my husband what the hell he means with the whole "good-looking" thing and it's going to start a conversation that I'd rather avoid. "Geez, come to think of it, we haven't heard our own daughter sneeze in, like, decades!" (Yes, I know they PROBABLY haven't noticed.) (And yes, my husband knows about my fetish and my sneezing shyness, and he has not asked me if his unique blessing style bothers me.) Should I just let it go?

On that note, how do I get over my own blessing shyness with my daughter? I usually acknowledge her sneezing in some way (usually by smiling or saying

"ohhh" in a sing-songy voice), but I hate saying "bless you," esp. around others. Any thoughts?

[Dawnie]

Well first off I would tell you're husband to cut it the hell out. Just flat out tell him not to say that anymore. If he knows about the fetish, then just honestly tell him that it botheres you a great deal when he does it. That it's really not cute anymore.

[shy_obsession]

I agree with Dawnie. If he knows about the fetish and about your shyness, there's nothing weird about you telling him to knock it off. I find it disturbing that he says that-I've never seen that show, but to say that to his daughter? It just seems weird.

[Sapphire]

Why stop now when I can reply to both of nosey's interesting topics?

I have to wonder how old your child is because perhaps when she gets a little older, she'll tell him herself that that's annoying. Unless she somehow finds it endearing ... But I imagine since she herself probably has not watched that episode, she's going to grow up wondering what that response is all about. Or has she watched the episode?

Anyway, I'm confusing myself.

I'd be reluctant to be anything but kind if I were to talk to my husband about an issue like this. I would tell him in the nicest way that it made me uncomfortable and could he stop. The reason that I would be nice about it is that it's my fetish, and I wouldn't expect him to understand that something like that is going to bother me. I don't think that he would have any basis for knowing that, so it can't be held against him.

Also, to be honest, I don't really think that it will bother your daughter if you don't say bless you to her. I don't think that it's a big deal really. And right now, your daughter is already getting an inordinate amount of attention for sneezing from her dad. How much more does she really need?

[JellyBelly]

I'd definately say something. If he knows about your fetish then he's someone you can definately talk to!

Speaking up probably will make everything better if you're nice about it.

[Guest nosey]

Thanks for the responses. To Shy Obsession: In the episode (which I have never seen), someone sneezes, someone blesses, and Jerry (or maybe it's Elaine) starts a rant: "Why do people say 'bless you?' Why can't they say something different, such as 'you're so good-looking.' " It's typical Seinfeld inanity. I don't find it inappropriate thay my husband says it to our 1-year-old. In fact, an acquaintance with a similar-aged daughter says it to her, which gave my husband the idea. just wanted to explain.

Anyway, it's not so much his saying it that drives me nuts, it's the fear that it will spark conversation/questioning from those who may hear him say it. In my husband's mind, he probably thinks I appreciate it as an alternative to "bless you," which he's no doubt observed that I hate!

[Geist]

Communication seems to be the key regarding this issue. I think he will definitely understand if you explain why it bothers you, especially since he knows about your fetish.

[Professor_s]

How about this...if he know's it's from a Seinfeld episode then say the next time it happens, "Alright stop saying that! If you think for one second I'm going to have my child be a Seindfeld fan you've got another thing coming! She is going to like Sesame Street just like every other respectable child in this country!"

*shrug* who knows...could work...unless you're both die hard Seinfeld fans...then it kinda won't..

[count tiszula]

It certainly seems a good idea to talk to him about it; thwere's no reason for him to have to say it every time; you could even just say that you don't want attention drawn to sneezing, so could he not say it in public or especially in front of your family?

But in reality is it likely that your parents will ever comment on it, and if so surely they will speak to him, not you and you can sit by smiling inanely; even if they ever did , they will have forgotten all about it in a second, unless of course you respond so oddly that they remember for two seconds. If you just nod or agree, they won't notice at all.

Having a small child seems an ideal opportunity for you to get over your blessing fears; she is one person who s never going to be critical of you; you could try just the occasional bless you when alone with her; not every time, but once you get used to the idea you may find yourself less spooked by the thing in general, and you might even get used to blessing and be able to bless other people as well. If you just get used to the occasional blessing notregard it as a horrific duty/ impossible task, you may even get to like it in the end, odd though it seems now.