Clueless - (2 Parts)

[matilda3948]

Title: Clueless Part 1 (I could write more if people like)

Fandom: Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows

Rating: G

Spoilers: I don't think so but don't read if you haven't finished the book just in case.

Characters: Hermione, Ron and Harry

**I own nothing Harry Potter related...sigh...**

They’d been at Grimmauld Place for less than a week now and Hermione was already climbing the walls. She was nervous about how the rest of the wedding party made out, confused about what she, Ron and Harry were supposed to be doing, and she was really, really tired of, “hatchew!” sneezing. She leaned against the kitchen counter and wiped her nose on her handkerchief. She didn’t remember there being this much dust in the house the last time they were here. Of course last time Mrs. Weasley was here too and she would never approve of an unkempt house. Thinking of Mrs. Weasley made tears spring to Hermione’s eyes. Ron’s family had become as close to her as her own over the years and now they were all in danger. It seemed like she was all nerves and tears lately. “Hatcheew!” And allergies. The dust had been driving her crazy since they arrived at the house but with everything else Ron and Harry had to deal with she didn’t feel like adding to their worries with something as silly as her allergies. “HatCheew!” They were wearing her out, though. When she was around the boys she stifled her sneezes and they were too preoccupied, or dense, to notice how her eyes had grown red and water-rimmed. Occasionally, she would seclude herself in an area of the house she knew the boys wouldn’t go near so she could let some of the sneezes out without them noticing.

“HatChew! HatCHEEW! Uhg,” she sighed and pushed her long hair out of her face. It seemed like no matter how many charms or enchantments she cast she just couldn’t get rid of all the dust. The sneezing made her so tired; maybe she could just slip upstairs and grab a small nap. Just a half hour to help clear her head.

“Hermione? Hey, Hermione, you okay?” The voice was familiar...and annoying. All she wanted was to sleep. She knew it was Ron and she knew she was going to have to open her eyes and admit she was awake before he started to shake her.

“You’ve been asleep for, like, two hours,” he said. That got her attention. Hermione opened her eyes to find Ron’s face a mere three inches from her own. She gasped in surprise.

“Ahh! Ron! I’m awake! I’m awa...haa...hahhChew! HatCHEW!”

“Eww, Hermione. Gross!” Ron said. She hadn’t had time to turn her head before she sneezed and accidentally sprayed Ron.

“I’m sorry, Ron, but really, if you weren’t practically on top of me I wouldn’t have sneezed on you.” He wiped his hand down his face and then across his pant leg.

“I just came to see why you were still sleeping.”

“It could be because I was tired, Ronald,” she said sitting up and throwing the blanket off the bed. She immediately felt her nose start to tickle. Could there even be dust in her blankets? “Okay, well, shall I meet you guys downstairs for dinner in a few minutes?” She desperately wanted Ron out of the room before she sneezed again but he wasn’t catching on.

“You know, Hermione, I was thinking about something Harry said before we--”

“hhngkt! Ngkt!”

“What was that?” Ron asked.

“Ngkcheew!” The third one was too big but at least she was able to duck her head away from Ron.

“Bless you,” he said. He looked at her like she had suddenly turned into a hippogriff. “What’s the matter with you?”

She glared at him. “Nothing Ron, I just sneezed that’s all.”

“You don’t sneeze.”

“Of course I do. Everyone sneezes.”

“HARRY!” Ron bellowed. “Come up here.” Harry’s steps could almost immediately be heard pounding up the stairs.

“What’s up?” Harry asked walking into the room.

“Have you ever seen Hermione sneeze?” Ron asked. Harry looked appropriately confused.

“Now that you mention it, I don’t think I ever have. Why?”

“Haatchhew!”

“Because that’s like the twentieth time she’s done that since I’ve been up here,” Ron said.

“Oh it is not. That’s only like the third one.”

“It is not! There were at least four that you sneezed right in my face--”

“Ronald Weasley, that is not the truth and you know it!”

“So I’m assuming the truth is somewhere in between,” Harry said as he edged his way in between his two friends.

“Harry, Ron’s just being over protective,” Hermione said. “If he hadn’t come into my room and interrupted my naaahh...hahhh...HAPTCHHEW! Hatcheeew!...Hehh...heh...huhhhTCHEEW!”

“Bless you,” both boys said in unison. Her fit seemed to make Ron temporarily forget the inane argument he was trying to win. He looked concerned as he watched Hermione pull a handkerchief out of her pocket and blow her nose. He extended a hand and placed it on her forehead perhaps a bit too emphatically.

“Ow,” Hermione said.

“Sorry,” Ron mumbled. “I’ve just seen my mum do it before.”

Hermione smiled a bit. “Ron, I’m fine. It’s just ahhh...allahhh...HaatCheew!”

“You know, Harry, we could try and send an owl to Madame Pomfry.”

“HATCHHEW! No, guys--”

“No, she’s right, Ron. They’d intercept an owl.”

“HaaatCHHEWW! Harry, I fi--”

“We could try and sneak her into St. Mungo’s.”

“Listen to me, both of you!” a rather sniffly Hermione managed. “I am fine. I’m just cheeew! allergic to the dust.”

“Oh, so that’s what’s wrong with you. Why didn’t you just say so?” Ron said with a smirk.

“Shut up,” she said and punched him in the arm.

[Fantasneezer]

That was great! I love how you made her stifle some of her sneezes!

[sneezelover]

...... OMG that was awesome!!! You're such a great story teller! I loved her allergies and sneezy perdicament. Nice build ups too!! I felt like I was reading a part of the harry potter books. You really have a knack for writing with a similar vioce. And the conversation and monolog of the characters is right on cue as well!! I'm definately impressed. That was more than I expected! I'm dying to see what happens in the next parts. Please, continue the story!! Thank you soooo so much for this!

[sneezy]

I would love to read more. Please continue. Maybe a little hayfever in the next one?

[Niceguy]

OMG! That was fantastic! You really captured the way those three relate to each other perfectly! I was totally buying it, start to finish! Well done!

[Sneeze999]

Absolutely fantastic!!!! Please, Please, Please keep them coming.

[count tiszula]

Brilliant! The characters are just right, and the lovely Hermione is divinely sneezy. With HP the flavour of the year, I shall have to bag a muse before they're all taken.

And admit it everyone, which of us didn't wonder about the dust at HQ. And who didn't notice the scene where Ron OFFERS HIS HANKIE to Hermione, after of course having cleaned it with his wand, and a proper Latin spell.?

[Guest Forsaken]

AMAZING, id been wanting to read a F harry potter fic for quite a while now, and this is juts amazing.

[Guest]

Hot. Nice job.

[girl_in_love]

That was cool, I hope you write more if there is more?

[matilda3948]

That was cool, I hope you write more if there is more?

I am actually going to write more and THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed the story. I just haven't had time yet but I will, I promise.

[sneezelover]

Any chance of a part 2? We all love your writing!! No pressure though. I totally understand about being busy! Just wondering if you would still be willing. Again, I love this story! Thanks again for writing this first part!

[matilda3948]

Thanks to everyone who encouraged me to keep writing this story. Sorry my interest sort of died for a while but it's back. Here is part 2 (set in a world where I still own nothing Harry Potter).

The three sat around the wooden kitchen table discussing the same bad ideas they had been discussing all week.

“I’m just saying that I think the right place to start ihhh...ihhChteww!”

“Bless you,” the boy s said in unison.

“Thank you. I was saying that I think the right place to start is ihh...iihh...CHTEEW! Cheeew! hhngkt! Ngkt! EhhhNGkttcheww! Uhh, this is absurd!” Hermione huffed. “I can’t complete a sentence without sneezing.”

“There--you just finished one.”

“Oh shut up, Ron!” she snapped.

“Just saying,” he mumbled. Hermione blew her nose and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, Ron. I didn’t mean to yell at you. I’m just so frustrated because my head is so fuzzy and I can’t think straight and I am so, so tired of sneezing.”

“It’s all right. I just wish there was something I could do.”

“HeeCHeeW! sniff Uhg, me too,” she said. “I’m going to go take a shower.”

“You’ve already took one this morning,” Harry said.

“I know but it’s one of the only plaahhh...ahh...sniff. It’s one of the only places where the dust doesn’t drive my nose crazy. I’ll be back in a littleahhcheww! CHeew! In a little while.”

As Hermione climbed up the stairs, Ron turned to Harry and said,

“There’s got to be something we can do to make her feel better.”

“I know, but we can’t open the windows and when we tried to dust it just stirred everything up in the air and made her worse.”

“Maybe there’s a book in the study that has a cleaning charm or a potion or something.”

Harry shrugged and the two boys went off in search of something to aid their friend. Meanwhile, Hermione stood underneath the shower head and let the hot water rush over her. The bathroom filled with steam and it helped clear her aching sinuses. The shower was the only place where she could escape the dust and find some relief for her allergies. Only when the water started to turn cold did she finally decide to get out. She wrapped herself in a thick towel and wrapped a second one around her damp hair. She wiped her hand across the bathroom mirror and took a look at herself. Her eyes were still a little watery and her skin was flushed from the heat but she did look considerably better. She walked down the hall to her room and tossed on jeans and her favorite sweater. As she brought the sweater down over her head she could feel her nose begin to itch. She took a couple steps towards her bedside table where her tissues sat but didn’t make it before, “Ahhchssshew! Chiishhhew!” They were strong wet sneezes that bent her over at the waist. The towel that was pulled up around her hair flew off and landed in a heap at her feet. The shower had loosened up her congestion so her nose was running furiously. Hermione snatched up a few tissues and gave her nose a satisfying, wet blow. Then she popped back into the bathroom to put up her towels and dry her hair before walking back downstairs to find the boys.

As she reached the landing the first thing Hermione noticed was an odd smell coming from the first floor. It smelled like an odd mix of fresh bread and rotten fruit. “I do hope they’re not trying to cook something,” she said to herself but she found the kitchen empty. In fact, she found the kitchen, living room and dining room all empty. “Ron? Harry? Where are you guys?” she called.

“In here,” came Ron’s voice.

“In here does not help me, Ronald.”

“We’re in the study, Hermione,” Harry said.

She pushed open the door and immediately saw that the boys were indeed responsible for the offending smell that was spreading through the house.

“What on earth?”

“It’s for you,” Ron said beaming.

“But what is it?” she asked.

“It’s an allergy potion,” Harry said. “We found this book of home remedies in the study and found a recipe for an allergy potion.”

“Then we brewed it,” Ron said.

“You read a book? You read a book and made a potion for me?” Hermione said. “You guys, that’s so sweet. To be honest, I wasn’t sure either of you could even read.”

“Hey, lay off! We go and do something nice for you and you’re making fun of us,” Harry said.

“Yeah. Plus, we can read,” Ron chimed in.

“Oh I know you can. Thank you both,” she said and gave each a quick hug.

“So?” said Ron. She raised her eyebrows in question. “So are you going to try it or not?”

Hermione peered into the cauldron resting in the study fireplace. The potion was thick and purple and still giving off the questionable smell.

“Uh, guys, is it supposed to be all...well...all gloppy and stinky?”

“Of course it’s supposed to be all gloppy and stinky,” Ron said.

“Ron, is it supposed to be?” asked Harry. “I mean the directions don’t really say what it should look like when it’s done.”

“Honestly, Harry, I expect a little more loyalty from you. I mean, sure Hermione’s going to doubt our ability to make a simple potion; she doesn’t even think we can read. But, Harry, you helped me make the potion. Didn’t we measure all the ingredients exactly right?”

“Yeah,” Harry replied.

“And didn’t we follow all the directions exactly the way they were written?” Ron asked.

“Yeah.”

“Then why on earth would you doubt us?”

In the face of Ron’s compelling argument Harry conceded and they both turned to Hermione. She looked in their expectant eyes and said,

“So...I am going to try the potion. The potion that the two of you made, special, just for me.”

“Cheers,” Ron said and handed her a glass. She held it up to her lips but jerked it away as soon as the smell hit her full in the face.

“Oh come on, Hermione. It can’t be that bad,” Ron said. She took one last wary look at the glass and then pinched her nose and gulped down the potion. She put the empty glass down on the table with a shiver. Ron and Harry stared at her.

“What are you expecting to happen?” she asked.

“Don’t know,” Ron said.

“Do you feel any different?” Harry asked.

Hermione was about to explain that she didn’t feel any different when she a felt her nose itch so intensely that she brought a hand up to scrub at it.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asked.

“My nose...ahhh...it tickles so bad. Ahhh...it’s the most aweful tiiihhh...ahhhh...AHHCHHEWW!! AhhhCHEEW!”

“Guess, it didn’t work,” Ron said. But what the allergic tickle that was building in Hermione’s nose was no ordinary tickle.

“AhhhCHEEW!! CHEEEW! Ehhh...ehhhYiiCHEW!”

“Merlin’s beard, Hermione! Are you okay?” Ron asked.

“I caahhh...I can’t staaahhCHEEW! Ahhcheww! Can’t stop. Are you hhngkt! CHngk! Ngkt!! sure you made the potion right?”

Harry pulled the book out and spread it on the coffee table. The three of them sat down on the sofa as Hermione continued to sneeze.

“Chhishhew! Show me Chhsheww! the spell UhhAHHCHOO!”

“It’s right here,” Harry pointed to the potion they had used.

“IhhCHoo! EhhCHOO! This isn’t a speehhh...spell to Ahhchoo! to get rid of allergihhhCHHHEW! allergies. It’s a spell to give someone allergies! YehhCHHEW!”

“What?” the boys cried.

“Cheeew! CHOO! AhhhCHOO!”

“Harry, what are we going to do?” Ron asked.

“I don’t know,” Harry said. “Hermione do you think you can reverse--”

But Hermione was too consumed by her awful sneezing fit to be of help. She took a handkerchief from Harry and kept it clamped to her her nose as she rocked back and forth in rhythm with the sneezing. “HeehCHMP! EhhhCHEMMPF! AhhCHhoomf!”

“We have to figure something out,” Ron said. “She can’t keep on like this. She’ll pass out.”

“Chheempf! AhhIHHCHEW!

“I know that but I don’t know what to--did you hear something?”

They all three turned and looked at the door. Hermione tried her best to stifle her sneezes. They heard the rustling of a cloak in the hall. Ron and Harry pulled out their wands and blocked the allergic Hermione behind them. “Huhngkt! NGXT!” The door to the study creaked open and Ron and Harry raised their wands to jinx whoever walked through.

“Harry? Ron?” came the familiar voice of Remus Lupin. They boys breathed a collective sigh of relief and lowered their wands.

“Lupin, it’s only you,” Harry said. “I didn’t think anyone could come into Grimmauld Place right now.”

“It’s all right. I wasn’t followed.”

“Heeptcheew! HehhhCHHHEW! AhhhCHOO!” The sneezes Hermione had been trying to hold back now came back with a vengance. “ahhh...AHhCHHHEW! AhhhCHOO! Haptchooo!”

“Hermione?” Lupin asked as she came out from behind the boys. “Are you sick?” She shook her head no. “Come on, sit down,” he said. She felt his hand on the small of her back as Lupin guided her towards the sofa. His tired, worried eyes took in the sniffling, sneezing young woman next to him. Lupin handed her a clean handkerchief and turned to Ron and Harry. “What is the matter with her?”

“Well, she was really allergic to the dust in the house,” Harry said.

“But we couldn’t clean because we couldn’t open the windows,” Ron added.

“So we made this potion that we thought would get rid of her allergies,”

“But all it did was make it worse.”

“And now she can’t stop sneezing.”

Lupin turned back to Hermione and pulled out his wand. “Histimio,” he whispered and flicked his wand at her. A stream of blue sparks shot out of the end of his wand and disappeared as they hit Hermione.

“Chhheeew! HaaptCHHEW! Ahh...ahhh...ehhh...ahh...” when she stopped. She blew her nose and wiped her streaming eyes. After she’d taken a moment to dry her nose and eyes she looked up over the folds of the handkerchief. Tears sprung to her eyes that had nothing to do with her allergies. “Oh, Professor Lupin, I’m so glad you’re here!” she cried as she threw her arms around his neck. He laughed a little as she eased back into the sofa.

“It’s good to see you too, Hermione. Now let me take a look at you. That was a really bad allergy attack you were having. How do you feel now?”

“Still sniffly and I don’t think I’m quite done sneezing yet, but better. The boys were being so sweet and trying to help but the potion didn’t work.”

“That’s an understatement,” Lupin said. “Are you having any trouble breathing or swallowing?”

“No. No, I’m fine.” He nodded that he was satisfied and the two of them looked at Harry and Ron.

“Hermione, we’re so sorry,” Harry said.

“Oh, Harry, you didn’t know. And the good news is that you made the potion perfectly. It was just the wrong one, that’s all.”

“Right, then,” said Ron. “Now that that’s all settled. Who’s ready for supper?”

[Guest mindy]

Hi,

That was very sweet. I think you did the trio perfect. Especially the way Hermoine calls Ron-RONALD! I can hear her voice in her english accent saying it as i read!!

love,

Mindy

[sneezelover]

Wow!!! Another awesome story!! I loved her sneezes and the allergy attack was great! I also liked the way she tried to talk during her sneezing. And your story telling ability it right on! I feel like you got the chemistry of these three just right. Thanks so much for continuing! And please keep the story going! Beautiful work!

[Jemmabean]

Beautiful! Thank you!

[stargazer]

That was great!!

[count tiszula]

Magic sneezes! Hooray! Sneezy spells; even hoorayer! More, more...