HP: You Don't Love Me Anymore

September 7, 2007

Title: You Don’t Love Me Anymore

Author: Unicornpearlz

Pairings: Remus/Sirius

Warnings: Filled with lots of angst.

Summary: Set over a decade after the 2nd war, Sirius and Remus hit some bumps – or more appropriately, some bumps hit them.

1

Remus sniffed and a lone tear slide down his cheek. He quickly brushed it away. He sprayed a bit of musk on himself and took a deep breath. He and Sirius were growing apart. They had seen the rise and fall of Voldemort, twice. They had seen James and Lily date, marry, bore a child and die. They had seen Harry grow up and marry. They had gotten comfortable. And, now, it was ending.

“Oy, Remus hurry up will ya?”

Not that Sirius noticed. And, to Remus, that hurt even more.

He emerged in khaki slacks and a green jumper. He felt presentable, but he wasn’t mentally up for a party. Especially not people he didn’t know. These were Sirius’ new friends.

Sirius always loved the night life. For the past few months, he had been working hard during the day and playing hard during the night. Remus had tried to keep up, but didn’t have the stamina that he used to. Besides, his research often kept him late at work. And, he couldn’t bring himself to insist that Sirius stay home and wait for him. So, Sirius found friends in his absence.

Sirius was dressed in black slacks and a black satin shirt. His soft black hair fell in loose curls at his shoulders, and highlights of grey hair contrasted deeply.

Remus couldn’t recall him being grey before and his wondered when that happened.

“You look so handsome,” Remus told him, giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks, “ Sirius answered, absent-mindedly. “I hope they like you. Come on let’s go.”

Remus sighed. He remembered a time when Sirius would have said that he hoped Remus liked them. Not the other way around.

2

They were at the party less than three minutes before Sirius got pulled away. To his credit, he tried to introduce Remus around, but the crowd was more interested in Sirius.

Remus smiled as he sat down on an overstuffed couch. Sirius always had such a good way with people. Even in Hogwarts he was friendly and outgoing. Everybody – boy or girl, straight or otherwise, wanted to be around him. Remus usually was okay with crowds, but the only person he knew here was Sirius, and Sirius wasn’t paying him any mind.

He sniffed again. He heard Sirius’ laughter over the rest of the chatter in the room. He smiled. That made it all worth it. Sirius was whole again, and happy for the first time in, what seemed like, forever.

A burly man with a handle bar mustache sat down next to him.

“Hey there. I’m Frank. You look lonely. You’re not from the club are you?”

“Nah, I’m a date. My name is Remus.”

“Who would leave a fine thing like you alone?” the man asked, putting an arm around Remus.

“Huh? Nobody. I told you I’m a date.”

Frank retracted his arm. “Okay. Then who?”

“Him,” Remus said pointing to Sirius.

Frank chuckled loudly. His breath smelled like stale beer. “Sirius? Sirius Black? You must be joking!”

“No, I’m not,” Remus stated plainly. He was already in a lousy mood, and this man wasn’t helping any.

“You must be new to the crowd. Sirius doesn’t like older men. He’s made that perfectly clear. He’s got a puppy at home and that’s all that he wants.”

“Heskiff!” Remus sneezed. He pulled out his handkerchief and rubbed his nose through it. ‘Well apparently Sirius isn’t the only one who’s aged,’ he thought to himself.

“Bless you. So, do you want to try again?”

“No.” He paused. “What’s a puppy?”

“What’s a? Okay, you’re a party crasher. Don’t worry I won’t tell. But, you have to stop pretending you’re with Sirius. Ain’t anybody ever gonna believe that.” He got up to leave. “A puppy is a cute young thing that waits at home.” He paused before adding, “You, my friend, haven’t been a puppy in a long time.” And, with that, he walked away.

‘About twenty years,’ Remus thought to himself. He knew that he was nothing special to look at, but it still hurt when it got pointed out. “Hek-ashiff! Shiff!” he sneezed a little harder. There was a time when Sirius could tell when he was sick, even before he could. Those days seemed to have passed though. “Keshoo!” The last one was louder, wetter, and followed by a strong bout of nose blowing.

“Bless you, darling,” a tall man with long blond hair said as he sat in Frank’s abandoned spot. “You alright?”

“Yea. Just an allergy.”

“Don’t I know it,” Dale said. “They’ve’ got a bunch of different flowers and herbs in here. You know, to keep the vampires and werewolves away.”

Remus went pale. “Werewolves and vampires?”

“Yea, you know, the dark creatures of the night who want to harm others. Not that I think those things really exist, but it’s the theme of the club – the pure dark souls keeping the evil ones out. I mean, I’m sure you’ve seen it. What with the heavy music and the anti-dark creature posters.”

Remus was shocked, and hurt. He could feel his heart physically breaking inside of him. “But to go so far as to – heshiff! hang herbs? Excuse me.”

“No problem. Yea. But, at least it’s not wolfsbane this time. Last time the wild spores on the wolfsbane made just about everyone ill. Thank goodness Sirius was there. It didn’t seem to bother him much. He just gathered it all and threw it right out. But, I think it gave him a skin rash because he needed to take like four showers before he left the party.”

Remus bit his lip. Puppies, anti-dark creatures, this wasn’t like Sirius at all. Or maybe it was. Maybe Sirius was trying to tell him something.

Sirius looked across the room. Remus’ nose was getting pink and his eyes were getting red. ‘Great, he’s sick again,’ he thought to himself. ‘At least Dale is there, and Frank was hitting on him before. I knew they would like him.’

Remus looked at Dale. “What herbs do they have here? Garlic?”

Dale nodded. “But mostly aconite.”

Remus gasped. No wonder he was sneezing! Aconite was so closely related to wolfsbane it was potentially poisonous. “Heskichff! Isschiff! Hasshiff!”

“Bless you. You okay mate? You look a little pale.”

Remus nodded. He looked up and saw some big burly guy with long black hair and a full beard nibbling behind Sirus’ ear. He saw Sirius’ knees tremble, and a wave of territorialness came over him. That was his spot. How dare that man touch Sirius like that. And how dare Sirius let him.

Dale noticed. “Yea, Sirius is the gang pet. He loves the attention just as much as people love giving it.”

Remus was madder than he could remember ever being before. If Sirius wanted to dump him, this was certainly the most painful way he could do it.

“Hey Rem.” It was Sirius.

Remus looked up. Sirius had his arm around the man who had been nibbling behind his ear. “How do you like my new friends?”

“They’re very nice,” Remus forced himself to say.

A small cute goth chick moved herself in front of Sirius and started playing with his chest hair. Sirius growled at her, and Remus could smell her enjoyment.

“Aren’t they? Kind of like when we went to school. He paused. Remus’ cheeks were getting flushed. “Remus, why don’t you pull off your jumper. You look hot.

“I’m not going topless. Much as I’m sure you’d like that.”

“Remus, I’m shocked,” Sirius said sarcastically. “To think that I would want o get you out of your clothes.”

He smiled. The pain in his heart almost released when he heard. “Tough break mate. I think he’s ditching his puppy for me tonight.” It was the man Sirius had his arm around.

He felt his heart break again, and he couldn’t handle it anymore. “I have to go,” he said, as he b-lined for the door. He left even before Sirius could reply.

3

Tears brimmed in his eyes as he turned the corner. They had taken the bike there, but he didn’t want to strand Sirius, just get away from him. Just when he started to get panicky, there was a loud pop and a gust of wind as the night bus came into view.

“Where are ye goin’ govna?” he was asked as he stepped on. He thought of going home. Then he thought of going to Harry’s. Then he knew where he had to go.

“Looking Glass Cemetery,” he answered. He sat heavily on one of the beds, and a cloud of dust rose into the air. “Issht! Hissht! Issh! HeptChoo!” The sneezes were increasing in strength, though he wasn’t. In fact, he felt tired, and his head hurt.

‘Sirius had a puppy at home – a cute young thing. Sirius doesn’t like older men. You’re not his type. You must be dreaming, ain’t nobody gonna ever believe you’re with him. Garlic and aconite keeps the dark creatures away. He’s replacing his puppy with me. Every thing he heard that night swirled around his brain. He saw everyone hitting on Sirius, and just kept hearing the words, ‘Sirius has a cute young thing at home. Sirius doesn’t like older men. He’d never want an old decrepit thing like me. Sirius hates dark creatures, like werewolves. He hates me. He doesn’t love me. He hasn’t loved me for a long time. How could I have been so blind?’ He sniffed heavily as a few tears dropped from his eyes.

“Looking Glass Cemetery.”

Remus got up quietly and exited the bus. Although he hadn’t been there in almost three years he found what he was looking for immediately. “Oh James!” he sobbed as he fell to his knees. “He doesn’t love me anymore. Where do I go from here? He doesn’t love me James! He’s moved past me… to younger things… not as broken… not as old.” His chest heaved as repressed sobs came tumbling out. “Kill me James. I want to be with you. I’ve got nobody here.”

As if in response he heard a pop behind him.

“Remus?” It was Harry.

“Leave me be, Harry,” Remus answered darkly.

“Remus, let me take you home. Harry put his hand on Remus’ shoulder.

“I have no home. Sirius has found another.”

Harry was shocked. He had just spent half an hour with Sirius, who was horrified that Remus has walked out and not returned home. “No, Remus. It’s not like that. It must be a misunderstanding.”

“It’s always a misunderstanding,” Remus shot back hotly. “And I’m always forgiving. Well not this time. If he doesn’t love me… want to be with me… then I don’t need –heh- heh- eh him ATCHOO! ISsstishh! Exatch! Heptissh!” His body shook violently with each sneeze and silvering hair fell into his eyes. Suddenly, he felt both of Harry’s hands on him and with a quick pop he was back at Harry’s home.

“Remus?” This time, it was Sirius.

When Remus opened his eyes, he saw Sirius frozen where he stood.

“Cho, set up the guest bed. We’ll put Remus in there. Sirius, stay where you are. We have to talk first.

**

“What do you mean he thinks I don’t love him,” Sirius asked, bewildered. His head hung limply and his elbows rested on his knees. He felt like he was going to cry. What happened? He thought everything had been going so well.

“He thinks you’ve found someone else.”

“How could I have found someone else? He’s the only one I want.”

“He doesn’t know that. Or someone he’s forgotten. Whatever it is, you have to talk to him about it.

Sirius nodded and headed back to the guest bedroom.

4

“HA-ekashoo!” Remus sneezed wetly. He sniffed heavily, but his nose was having none of that. “EkASHoo! Essh! Itcahtcho!” He covered his nose with his hand, embarrassed to show it running. His handkerchief disappeared at some point during the night.

“Here,” Cho said, coming into the room with a spare blanket and a few handkerchiefs. She handed one to Remus, who turned away as he cleaned himself up.

“Are you cold?” she asked tenderly.

“No. Thank you,” he responded quietly. He looked at her and forced a smile. But, she saw right through it. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

“No.” He took a quivering breath.

“Remus, you know Harry and I are here for you. For anything.” She sat on the edge of the bed, and brushed some of his silvering hair behind his ear, and smiled sympathetically.

He smiled. He remembered getting a similar speech from Lily just after she and James got married. He recalled her telling him that just because James was married didn’t mean that he wasn’t a friend. And it didn’t mean that she didn’t expect to be there for him, if there was something he couldn’t discuss with James. He got the same feeling of acceptance from Cho.

He put his hand on hers and smiled. “Yes. Thank you. Both.” Quickly, he turned away, “Hekessha!” He winced against the pain in his head.

Cho noticed. “I know you can’t take muggle meds. And I know you can’t take most potions, but can I get you something for your headache?”

Remus moaned in spite of himself. “I don’t want to be a bother.”

“No bother, what is it?”

“If you could infuse a hot washcloth with clove oil, that would be divine.”

She smiled. “I’ll be right back.”

Sirius was standing in the hallway when she came out. Seriously, she pointed at him and said, “You’d better be nice to him,” and walked down the hall.

Sirius swallowed his fear. Something major was going on, and somehow he’d missed all of it. Tentatively, he walked into the guest room. Remus was pale, and there was a slight tinge of green around his mouth. His eyes were tired and red and his nose a bit pink. He looked exhausted. Sirius was confused, ‘If he was getting sick, why didn’t he let me know?’ “Hey Rem,” he said quietly.

Remus looked at him, with a vacant stare. Sirius thought he was in trouble. That’s the only time he was quiet. Even when Remus was sick as a plague victim Sirius was loud and animated. Remus took a deep breath and prepared for the worst conversation of his life. “You’re not in trouble, Sirius, sit down.”

“Rem, I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened,” Sirius apologized, before he even approached the foot of the bed.

“It’s … okay, Sirius.” It wasn’t okay. It wasn’t going to be okay. This was as far from okay as it could get. But, Remus was insistent that he hold his resolve to get through this without a meltdown or – worse yet – a break down. “I understand. You’re point tonight was…” Hurtful. Vindictive. Painful. Heart-wrenching. But, he said none of them. “…clear,” he finished.

‘Great,’ though Sirius. ‘He liked my friends.’ He smiled. “Good. I mean, I got really nervous when you went running out like that. But, now that I know that you like them, that’s all that matters isn’t it?”

Remus’ heart wrenched. He wished Sirius looked even a little bit remorseful for the loss of such a long and wonderful relationship. “Yes well…” he cleared his throat. “You enjoy them. I don’t think I’ll be coming around much. I’m sure you understand – what with me being a dark creature near your pure soul.” He meant to say it smoothly, with a smile. But, the came out bitter and sharp.

Sirius’ eyebrows knit together in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“I was told about the anti-dark creatures feeling around the group – you know vampires and werewolves.”

A light went off in Sirius’ mind, and for the first time all night he really saw his lover. “Rem…what point did you get from the party? Was it that I’ve found friends we can hide and play muggle in, or was it something else?”

Now it was Remus’ turn to be confused. “No. Hekshh!” He quickly tended to his nose.

“Bless you, hon.”

“It’s nothing, but thank you. Just a residual allergy.”

“An allergy?”

“Yes. To the aconite they hung up.”

“Aconite? The wolfsbane derivative?” Sirius looked outwardly upset. “Oh, Rem. I didn’t know…”

“Of course you didn’t,” Remus said skeptically.

“Of course I didn’t!” Sirius nearly shouted. “What do you think? I want you dead? Remus, what point do you think I was trying to make tonight?”

Remus stayed quiet. If he said what he was feeling, he would never be able to finish this conversation without crying. If he stayed quiet he might be able to – but even that would be pushing it.

“Remus,” Sirius’ voice got threatening.

Just then Cho came back with the wash cloth. “Here you go. I’ll leave you two again, I just wanted to get that to you.”

Remus smiled, the tears just barely staying under control. “Thank you, Cho,” he said as he put the washcloth on his forehead and laid back.

When she left the room, Sirius tried again, but more gently. “Rem, please. I don’t think you got the same point I was trying to make.”

“I did.”

“I know that you don’t like older men. I know that you only like cute young things. I know that you get the touch and love you don’t get at home. I know that your friends hate werewolves and vampires and other dark creatures of the night.” He took a deep breath. It was time to say it. “Sirius, I know you don’t love me anymore. I know this was you showing me your new life. And, I know I’m not a part of it.” A few quick tears dripped down his face, but nothing like he was expecting.

Now it was Sirius’ turn to be shocked. “Rem, no.”

“Sirius, I can’t be just a friend for a while. You know that. You know that I’ll need a lot of time and space to get over you. I’ll always be there if you need me, but I understand if you don’t.” He sniffed wetly. His heart was breaking. Every muscle in his body burned.

Sirius was feeling the exact same way. This wasn’t what he had meant to do at all. “Rem, don’t leave me.”

“It’s okay, Sirius. You have… your new friends… and,” his voice was cracking. The tears were coming one way or the other, “you don’t love me anymore.” Saying it the second time hurt even more than the first. It was sinking in. He wiped the tears out of his eyes.

‘Remus just broke up with me,’ he thought to himself. ‘Because he thinks that’s what I want.’ “Rem, can we talk about it, please?”

“What’s there to talk about? You brought me to a party with people who called me too old for you, who told me you had a cute young thing at home- which I figure is some boy-toy you neglected to tell me about…though I don’t know how I would have missed his scent…But anyway, I was informed that I wasn’t your type – that you don’t like older guys. If that wasn’t enough, you brought me somewhere flowered with aconite, which from what I recall is poisonous to me – you used to know that too. And then you practically made out with other people in front of me, while ignoring me completely. Oh yes, heh-keissh! and let’s not forget your friend who said you were replacing me with him tonight. I got the point loud and bloody clear.”

“No you didn’t!” Sirius yelled in spite of himself. “I have never cheated on you –never!”

“But, you obviously wanted to. I’m sorry I’m not as handsome as I may have been once. I’m sorry that my body betrays me. I’m sorry that I’m old and weak. I’m sorry that I can’t keep up anymore. But, if you need to be released then go. Your happiness is all that matters to me. If I don’t make you happy…” he took a quivering breath and hid his eyes behind his hand as the tears flowed freely. He sobbed in spite of himself, unable to contain himself.

“You’ve said enough, Remus. You’ve put yourself through bloody Hell for nothing. Now it’s my turn to talk.”

Still sobbing, Remus was unable to object.

“I brought you to the party because I wanted you to meet my new friends. I wanted to give you the gift of what we used to discuss, blending in with muggles just for fun. They don’t understand or believe in dark creatures of the night, it’s just a term they use to explain things that they consider imaginary. I don’t know who told you I don’t like older men because -.”

“Frank,” Remus interjected.

“Yea, well, I’ve told Frank that because he was hitting on me too hard for my liking. And my puppy is you. I have never cheated on you and that’s a fact. I’ll never cheat on you – I love you too much. You are my heart Remus Lupin. You make me happy and I love you.”

“Even though I can’t keep up with you? Even though I’m a decrepit old werewolf? You still love me?”

“Yes. And you’re not decrepit. You’re amazing. And, I’ll take you any way I can get you. Or more appropriately, any way you’ll have me.

“And the man who wants to replace me?”

“He likes to think that.”

Remus gave him a warning glare and growled in spite of himself.

“But, it’ll stop. I’ll explain it’s not cool for us to flirt like that anymore,” Sirius rushed on.

“Heh-kesshoo! Esshh! Heffrrshhoo!”

The washcloth fell into Remus’ lap.

“Bless you, dear one,” Sirius said, sitting next to him and replacing it.

Remus smiled. He was still scared. “So, you love me again?”

“I love you still. I never stopped. And, I’ll try to make an effort to show you that, so you never doubt it again.”

“You love me even though I thought you stopped?”

“I love you more because of your response. Remus, you were willing to break your own heart, for my happiness.”

Remus went to respond, but Sirius gave him an open mouthed kiss instead. Their tongues lashed at each other. When they pulled out of it, Remus went to speak.

“Hush now, love. I’m not angry. I love you too.”

September 7, 2007

OMG!!! You....You...You put my FAVORITE pairing into a story full of ANGST and SNEEZING!! :rolleyes: :innocent: OMG!!! I think i just DIED!! This....this is like HEAVEN!!! I worship you! GAAAAHHHHH!!!! SEITEKI!!! So...hot....