OK, here's the scoop!

[Guest nosey]

I recently posted that I'm convinced I work with a fetishist. I figured I'd wait a few days to see if he responded to my post. He hasn't. (That doesn't mean I'm wrong. Maybe he doesn't know about the forum ... though I think any fetishist would find it sooner or later. Or maybe he did see my post, but is too shy or freaked out to respond.) In any case, here's why I suspect him:

1) I've worked with him for 3.5 years and never seen him sneeze. This is most significant. I am a "never sneeze at work person," so I've always been on the hunt for someone like me. I've never found one. Everyone sneezes sooner or or later. This guy hasn't. And not only doesn't he sneeze, but I have frequently observed him trying very hard not to (at least that's what I think he's doing): He puts his hands over his face, inhales heavily, seems to get annoyed ... but never sneezes. One might argue he is trying to sneeze, but can't, but that's not how I see it.

2) HOWEVER, a few weeks ago he was in a room by himself adjacent to where I work. At one point, I heard sneezing coming from that room, and since he was the only one in there as far as I know, and since it sounded like it would be his based on the sound of his voice, I'm pretty darn sure it was him. So the way I see it (and again, I could be projecting here), he "got up the nerve" to sneeze because he was alone.

3) He has on several occasions opted to sit next to a coworker (we dont' have fixed workstations) who is very sneezy and snorty. I mean, no one wants to sit next to this guy ... why would he if he doesn't have to?

******4) But this is what REALLY got me thinking: Last week he was sitting next to a woman who was coughing and nose-blowing for hours. Now, the two of them were engaged in conversations on various topics throughout the shift. But it wasn't until the very end of the shift, when the woman was blowing her nose, that he abruptly turned to her and asked: "Do you have a cold or allergies?" This was very telling to me. Most anyone would have asked this right off the bat, or during one of the many chit-chats they had. Why did he wait so long, when it almost seemed like 'why bother asking now?' To me, this was him trying to muster up the nerve to initiate a conversation about colds/allergies/sneezing.

Imagine that she'd had a new hairdo -- something people would be apt to notice/comment on. Sometimes you can't put your finger on it right away, so it's conceivable that after several hours you might say, "Did you get your haircut? You did? Ah! I couldn't figure out what was different about you!" But the cold is something different. It's not like it takes any amount of time to figure out if someone is sick or allergic. There just doesn't seem to be any other explanation as to why he waited so long to ask. Again, why did he bother asking after all that time UNLESS it was very personally significant to him?

So what do you think???

[nick]

Hmmmmmmmm.....interesting..........

From what you've said so far in this post, that would certainly make sense. My guess is your suspicions may be right about either not knowing about the forum or maybe being too self conscious to either admit to its existence. The fact that he waited all day before allowing himself to venture out and ask this woman about her condition may well be significant. As you also correctly mention, the analogy with the hairdo would most likely bring forth an almost immediate response not from one but from several people I would imagine.

I do think you might have hit on something here.

[Sneesee]

I do agree those are pretty good suspiscions you have there. He could be like a few of us, who don't really sneeze all that often, but it does sound like he might be trying to stifle. And I had to admit, I even wondered if the reason you heard him sneezing in that room was because maybe he was inducing? I don't really sneeze all that much, and for some reason, even lately when I feel like I have to, still can't seem to sneeze in front of people at work. I hae gone into the breakroom and induced when no one else is around.

So, perhaps he does have it. I think I would feel the same way you do, if I saw this kind of behavior. But, I do think it still doesn't prove he has it. So, unless you find a way to ask him, no one will no for sure, right?

And how do you approach someone about this fetish? I mean, if you think they have it?

[Guest nosey]

I know! I could say, "Hey, I think we may have a certain website in common," but unless we actually do, he'd probably think I'm talking about porn or something. (Though I suppose some might consider THIS site porn!) I could just say, "I think we might have something in common," but that sounds like I'm hitting on him, and he's older and we're both married ... and then I'd have to follow through with an explanation if he didn't pick up on it.

No, I'm not going there!

[nick]

I think you're probably right to not follow that one up. Could be a little embarassing if it all went horribly bent.

[KawaiiKitty]

I hate to be the one to rain on the parade but all the "evidence" sounds pretty innocent and non-fetishy to me... Sorry!

The only reason I'm butting my probably unwelcome opinion into here is because I wondered if this person is shy in general...being a quite shy person myself I often used to wait until the end of meetings or when most people have left the room in order to try to initiate a conversation, ANY conversation...not necessarily about an embarrassing subject.

And I can imagine shy people might hate sneezing in public too because it's something that calls attention to yourself, fetish or not. It's still a noise that will make people look in your direction.

Now I'm going to run far away before I get things thrown at me for being so negative...

[Sapphire]

It's definitely interesting to speculate.

And the behaviors could have fetish explanations.

Of course, they are equally as likely probably to have non-fetish explanations. Don't you think that we might all be able to brainstorm a list of reasons why someone might do all of these things but still not have the fetish? One issue is that each of these incidents could have a separate perfectly logical explanation that has nothing to do with having a fetish. If we take all of these incidents put together, then the fetish seems like it could be the connection that explains it all. But the fetish is clearly not the only explanation that could unify this series of random incidents.

Anyway, my point is that you've got some circumstantial evidence, but not enough to win the court case. (Trillium?)

It's a lot of fun to think he might have the fetish though. I'm right with ya on not having the guts to say anything. Looks like this one will continue to be a mystery, right?

[liricospinto]

Totally circumstantial, IMO. I know plenty of non-fetishists who try not to sneeze around other people but who will get up to sneeze in another room or away from people.

As for the last one -- as a germophobic as well as a sneeze fetishist, I can see a very good reason for his behavior. I am often very, very uncomfortable around people who are sneezing/blowing noses, because I'm afraid they're contagious, but I don't want to ask what the problem is for fear of seeming critical. If I am around the person for long enough, I will usually become agitated enough to ask, and I usually do it very abruptly. But my anxiety has to reach an intolerable pitch before I'm willing to ask, because to me, the question sounds rude. If the person has a cold, he or she can't help that, and I've revealed that it makes me nervous, which seems discourteous.

If this fellow were continually looking at/commenting on people who sneeze, I'd be more inclined to think he was a sneeze enthusiast. You know how we are . . . always trying to get an eyeful.

[Geist]

Eh, all of this sounds like "normal" behavior to me. I've said before that we as fetishists tend to see the world through "fetish-colored glasses." I mean, we see things as sneeze fetishists rather than "normal" people. The point that you have outlined do not seem suspicious to me in any way.

In fact, I've actually "accidentally" met one of us outside of this forum. I was in high school and the forum didn't even exist. My "evidence" was VERY firm. What was it?

Well, I heard a guy sneeze and I was sitting next to this girl at the time. She smirked and said, "hot." At first, I thought she was joking, so I said, "yeah, it was a hot sneeze."

We both kind of looked at each other and I said, "hold on...."

Next thing you know, we were comparing notes and giggling about it. She moved away half a year later, but it was nice to have a "buddy" for a while.

Still, unless someone comes out and says something VERY direct, I wouldn't assume that they share this fetish.

~Aku

[Trillium]

I have to agree with KK, Sapphire, liricospinto, and Aku: I think the guy's just shy, perhaps extremely so, and maybe a germophobe, to boot. Maybe he's quite awkward in social situations and doesn't want to call attention to himself. Maybe he's best buds with the guy at work with the nasal problems, and you just don't know it. Or maybe it's just that guys stick together. Who knows?

Not even circumstantial evidence, I'm afraid. Barely a scintilla, and even then, as Aku sez, only because we see it thru "fetish-colored glasses." (Gee, I really love that phrase! )

[Niceguy]

Yeah... I'm with Aku, Kitty and Liricospinto on this. Not all fetishists behave this way (I don't) and I don't think that (nearly) all people who do are fetishists.

Grounds for suspision maybe - don't get me wrong - but consider this:

There are what? 3000 people here? (Maybe less?) If only 1 in 10 fetishists in america was signed up to this forum that would give you 30,000. There are 300 MILLION people in the US. So your odds are 0.01% of finding one at random. It happens, and your evidence would raise those odds - but even if they raised them 100x, you're still talking about a 1% chance. (And lets not forget - this isn't just a US forum! So those estimates are high.)

BTW - In doing this exercise I'm not really trying to convince you. The thing is - I recite these estimates to myself every time I suspect someone. (And there have only been 1 or 2 times that I have.)

Because (1) I don't want to take the chance of "outing" myself to a non-SF and (2) I want to feel pretty comfortable that if I post a story here that I told a bunch of people at the office that no one is going to find it strangely familiar sounding.

But... based on the odds? I feel pretty safe.

(But hey - please do let us know if you find anything else out! I'd be delighted to be proven wrong!)

[Niceguy]

Whoops! Cut my previous estimate in half - there are just over 1500 members here. (Or assume a 1 in 20 representation ratio.)

[Secret98]

*Skipping past everyone else's posts, to lazy to read right now*

I think all of this could easily be explained in another way. The ones of us who don't sneeze in public, probably wouldn't just let ourselves sneeze if were alone in room, knowing that others are around we can still be heard. And probably would only sneeze if we were totally alone, or not even then.

Just because someone asked the question,"Do you have a cold or allergies?" or when they ask it doesn't say whether or not a person has a fetish.

There are many other explanations as to why these kind of things seem to point in that direction. but as far as I'm concerned this guy doesn't sound like a fetishist

I think it's all in your head

[Sapphire]

Actually GS Coyote, I've been reading these forums since 2003, so I am going to have to say that the majority of people would have no trouble sneezing if they were totally alone no matter how much they hated to sneeze in public. Also, it's been reported on here many times that people will sometimes sneeze when they can be heard and not seen, even if they don't like sneezing in public.

The ones of us who don't sneeze in public, probably wouldn't just let ourselves sneeze if were alone in room, knowing that others are around we can still be heard. And probably would only sneeze if we were totally alone, or not even then.