fetish magnifies social awkwardness

[katia]

i am a very socially awkward person, at one point diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, though there was little followup or treatment for it, so i don't relaly know how much truth there is to that.

sp, i started a new part time job, and such things make me very very very nervous. i spent the few days before it feeling nauseous and nervous, because i didn't know what to expect, and didn't want to look stupid and not know what to do. i have trouble talking to people i don't know. it normally takes months for me to actually navigate through a conversation, and several days to ask a simple questions such as 'where do we keep the broom?'. its irrational and stupid, but that's the way I am.

anyway, so of course, my first shift, the girl who was training me started sneezing like crazy, and tried to start a conversation with me about how she thought she might be allergic to one of our coworkers. I was already shaky and tense, not knowing what to say and stuff, and she was already thinking I was a freak.

Female sneezing disgusts me terribly. And I can't actually say the word sneeze out loud without practically having a panic attack. so I just basically ignored her nattering, unable to make myself say anything in return.

And I could barely look at her for the rest of the shift, because what if she'd guessed by my silence that I had a sneeze fetish? or what if she just thought thta i was a freak for not talking?

I know that it's absolutley ridiculous to think that she would have guessed. I tell myself constantly, and believe in my head that i dont actually care what people think of me, and yet i get so freaked out around people i'm not comfortable with, and this maginfies a million times when sneezing is brought into the equation.

I was wondering if anyone else had ever experienced this complete social failure when it came to sneezing coming up in conversation? Is anyone else made so severely uncomfortable by sneeze conversation, particularly from someone of the gender which you do not enjoy sneezing from?

[Lady Tori]

I'm also extremely uncomfortable in situations like that, I'm sorry you had to go through it Personally I haven't been diagnosed with any social anxiety disorder, but I can imagine how such a thing would make it much harder to deal with the every day stress many of us have with dealing with the fetish in real life.

I'm positive that this woman would NEVER guess that you have a sneezing fetish. Most people haven't heard of it, and I'll tell you from personal experience that even those who have, tend to forget about it if they don't have it themselves (even if someone close to them has it). Both D and my sister forget about the existence of the fetish, even at times when I feel it is glaringly obvious to me. So I can't imagine that a co worker, who in all likelihood has never even heard of the fetish, much less in a context that involves you, would jump to the conclusion that "she has a sneezing fetish" just because "she didn't react when I talked about my possible allergies" (BTW - I despise that too and will do everything in my power to ignore such talk!!)

[army-girl]

Mmmm I feel almost sorry to say I haven't been in the same situation of social-meltdown (because your story draws empathy). If it helps, I can add to the reassuring of Lady B. about how it's unlikely, improbable, and impossible for her to even begin to think that you have a sneeze fetish, at worse, she probably thought you're a bit introverted (unless you ended up breathing into a paper-bag sorry if I'm making light of things).

If it's any consolation, it's my personal impression that a lot of us here are a bit slow on socializing compared to others (I'd be interested in hearing if anyone here bluntly disagrees actually). Starting a new job and meeting new people can be stressful, I'm not sure what else I could say to make you feel better except that I hope it picks up for you and you'll be able to enjoy your job and co-workers and destress a little as time goes by

[Sternuto]

My God! Its like looking in a mirror, and seeing myself at 16 again! (Except, this time, Im a Canadian girl! ).

Ive never had my anxiety magnified by sneezing. On the contrary... those situations were the very few times I actually spoke to others! I could at LEAST say 'Bless you', and not feel embarrassed or ... stupid. Im much the same today... centuries later... but not quite as anxious in public. I guess I grew out of the worst of it. I'll bet you will too. Give it a couple hundred years. You'll be right as rain.

[Guest WalterDESneeze]

Actually it has the reverse effect on me a bit. If there is a hot woman I could never approach and she sneezes I say bless you and then Ive talked to her so pressure is off. I know that is INSANE PLEASE DONT comment on that part..lol

My God! Its like looking in a mirror, and seeing myself at 16 again! (Except, this time, Im a Canadian girl! ).

Ive never had my anxiety magnified by sneezing. On the contrary... those situations were the very few times I actually spoke to others! I could at LEAST say 'Bless you', and not feel embarrassed or ... stupid. Im much the same today... centuries later... but not quite as anxious in public. I guess I grew out of the worst of it. I'll bet you will too. Give it a couple hundred years. You'll be right as rain.

[count tiszula]

I was very shy about such matters until I discovered what you already know, namely that no one is even aware that they have sneezed three hundred times and will not be able to remember it half an hour later, nor any of the perfectly ordinary conversation it may provoke. In fact, if you danced naked around the office screaming "I am a sneeze fetishist", after a week no one would remember what you screamed and after three months no one would remember the incident at all[ not that I recommend doing this].

How to get over the problem [and the next one which is getting too defensive about what you say about sneezing].? First remark on it to someone you don't know and are never going to speak to ever again.

Only this evening some girl rang my bell and when I answerd was in the middle of a huge pre-sneeze face and said "Oh, I'm going to sneeze". Repressing the urge to slam the door in her nose, I realised that I could say whatever I liked to her, so I started an elaborate sneeze conversation. Of cours she didn't sneeze, but I got her to say all sorts of sneezy things by letting her do bits of her spiel and then putting in a sneezy remark. In fact of course she warmed to me because she thought she was getting somewhere selling stuff whereas in fact I was just keeping her there in case she sneezed.

I know it sounds impossible , but it really works. Then once you can do it with casual people, you can graduate to talking [and of course it works in general as well as sneezily] to people you might know a bit, as with a person at your job, and then to people you know. And by that time, it's become fun!

[Guest Fabala]

I'm much the same way--in a milder sense, that is. While I manage to give the impression that I'm rather poised, I'm shaking in my boots whenever I'm in any new or changed social situation. I can talk to anybody about anything, but that doesn't stop me from going madly red and hyperventilating as soon as I'm away from others' eyes. Facts are comforting to me in the face of irrationality, so... facts? What I can convince myself are facts? Something like that ensues:

1. Unless someone has a sneezing fetish, is very close with someone who has a sneezing fetish, or derives voyeuristic pleasure from looking up others' fetishes, they're not even going to know what one is.

2. Since chances are extremely unlikely they've even heard of it, they won't pay any attention to it. Even someone like me, who notices a lot of little things, would probably attribute your reaction to a different cause. For example, an older guy I watched sneeze on a subway asked me if I was afraid of germs because I stood up and walked toward the door (and didn't bless him).

3. In the small subgroup of people who have got the fetish, most of them seem pretty reserved about it.

You're safe on that count, I think.

As for her thinking you're a freak, I wouldn't worry about it. She won't remember it a few days from now, and even if she does, she might be more likely to describe it to aloofness... at worst, she might consider you a bit full of yourself.

Annnnd... completely off-topic, of course... your signature makes me giggle.

[Oolia]

I was actually diagnosed with social phobia when I was a teenager, it was awful. I understand exactly what you mean when you say starting a new job is hard, and how you get nauseous and nervous weeks before you first day.

I just want to say that I saw a psychiatrist for it and honestly, it did help me. Not because they gave me a magical pill and everything was magically well, but they taught me how to cope with situation like these and how to get myself use to them so I can overcome the fear.

So if you can, and if you want to, I strongly recommend that you see someone about it. It's worth a try ! You won't get rid of the phobia completely, but I mean, I was to the point where I couldn't get out of my house and now I just moved to USA I'm sure you'll understand how big of a step it is for ppl like us to move out of our comfort zone (i.e. the bedroom, lol).

So if you feel like you need to talk about it and ask me questions about it or anything, P.M. and I'll be glad to help you out =)

Good luck !