"Un eternument de Swann"; f, so far.

[count tiszula]

Heavens, I've gone brown. It must be the explosion of matter from my brain. Anyway, this being the case I shall take the rash step of putting up two celebratory stories at once. I've always wanted to take part in the summarising Proust competition, but only this sudden explosion has allowed it. {Sings} Proust in his first book....in his first book....

Un Eternument de Swann.

Amongst those of the "little kernel" who attended the Verdurins' evenings it was an article of faith that the diagnostic of Dr Cottard exceeded that of any "boring " expert favoured by the great ladies of the faubourg, like the Princesse des Laumes, so that when Odette de Crecy, swathed in the satin decolletage of the seventies, felt an irresistible tickle in her nose, a tickle that made her voice break as she addresed Mme Verdurin, made her gasp and fumble in her reticule for the Mechlin she affected to dab occasionally at her sweetly distended nostril, which to Swann always resembled that of the wife of Candaules in the painting by Etty, a copy of which he had placed by the head of his bed, and finally to utter a huge, wet, uncontrollable sneeze, making a sound like "AAH- ATCHOUUUUMMMM!", it was natural that she should turn to the doctor and enquire what could have been the cause of such an outburst, one which, however, the good doctor assured her was "charming, quite charming", and by no means unusual for a young lady of her age and beauty at this time of year, the air being full of "sternutatories", as he called them, which had sent many a great lady, though none so fair as she, [not even the Princesse des Laumes] to his consulting-room all this week, until he had had to ask his wife for a whole dozen of handkerchieves, fresh from the laundress, for the occasional use of his patients.

"But those flowers that you carry in your hair, and indeed I see in the echancrure of your bodice, do you not find their scent most provoking; are they not orchids; tell us, M Swann?" He turned to Swann as ever, conceiving him to be the fount of all knowledge about the "world", having discovered that he had met the Prince of Wales, though it would never have occurred to him that Swann had been any more than presented to him, rather than being a member, albeit somewhat casual, of "le Jockey". Swann adjusted his monocle [for his eyes were, in fact, very weak, as sometimes befalls those whose hair bears a tint of reddishness] and inspected the whiteness of the skin before him.

"They are catleyas. Mme de Crecy always wears catleyas."

[Vetinari]

If a little sneezing is dangerous, the cure for it is not to sneeze less but to sneeze more, to sneeze all the time.