Panic attack!

[Tangerine]

So... my boyfriend who I've told about the fetish found out about the forum and had been browsing around for a little while. Just this week however, he decided to join. And then he declared that he was going to find my username, which he claimed would be simple, know my speech patterns and such. Immediately I FREAKED out. I was talking to him over IM and desperately trying to convince him not to. He said it would be fine and that next time he was with me, we'd read through my posts and obs together... said it'd be "intimate". How about NO??? Is this just me? Even though he knows about my fetish and just wants help understanding it better, there's NO way i want him reading the obs I wrote about him or topics I posted. I was getting so upset and tried to delete some of my topics (which I could not figure out how to do), and then went and changed my username, thinking it might throw him off. Finally I convinced him not to do it, and he was sad, but promised not to even go here unless I told him it was okay.

So I guess what I'm asking is, for those of you who have your S.O. looking through the forum, how do you feel about that? Do you mind if they read your posts? I suspect that I'm really just over-reacting, but I've only just come out, soo...

Btw, this is bumblekisses... I gotta wait 2 weeks until i can change back from this dumb name, lol.

[chui]

wow...i can totally understand about being a bit nervous letting him read posts you have written about him. i don't think you're overreacting, especially since you probably wrote them thinking he would never read them.... i dont currently have a SO....but i would flip out if i thought my crush read anything i posted about him. i think i would have done like you, and talked to him about it. even the most outgoing people i know tend to be a little iffy about others reading what they write about them.

[KawaiiKitty]

I don't think I'd like it one bit if my SO was reading stuff I wrote on here. Especially what I wrote about him in my blog and stuff because...well, it's slightly less than flattering. And I wouldn't want him to read ANYTHING I wrote because it would probably lead him to ask "So, why do you never talk to ME about any of this stuff??"

But it would be fiercely embarassing for anyone that I'd written about to actually READ it...like standing there talking about them and then turning around and finding out they'd been there THE WHOLE TIME and heard me say everything!

[(hippo)]

I think you could just tell him that you feel it is an invasion of your privacy for him to read these things.

Tell him it's like him reading through a dairy.

It's not liek you have secrets (or maybe you do ) but that IS an invasion of privacy that no partner needs to cross.

PS. I like the name JellyJam

[Sneesee]

To me, that is sort of an invasion of privacy. Unfortunately, other than asking him politely to stay away, it's not like you can keep him from looking around, or even joining.

With my husband, it's sort of like that, too. He's made jokes about joining before, and I've flat out told him he can't, that I'm a moderator and I'll kick him off (total abuse of power, MUWHAHAHA! ). And no, I would never ACTUALLY do that, I was just threatening him to let him know how important this forum is to me, and how I don't want him messing around with it.

He always says that he respects my privacy, and wouldn't do anything to make me upset, but sometimes, when I'm on the computer, he reads over my shoulder and asks a lot of questions, and it gets on my nerves. To me, he doesn't take the most active interest in my fetish, so I get irritated when he then tries to understand sometimes. Anyway, I'm so anal about things, even though he knows my user name and password, I always log out of the forum when I hand the computer over to him or log off completely. He claims I don't need to do that, but I also have some stuff written in my blog that I wouldn't want him reading. But, he swears to me, and I believe him, that he doesn't log in on here when he's online.

Honestly, I would think for most people who don't have this fetish, that it'd be absolutely boring! Maybe he'll find out after reading a few obs and stuff.

[vote_for_pedro]

Ooooh, I wouldn't like that either. I'm very open about the fetish with my husband, but I still like having some things that are distinctly MINE. For me, this place is it. We share everything else. Living space, personal possessions, secrets. But I feel like I'm entitled to do certain things on my own, and I'd become very self-conscious if I thought he was watching everything I say. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed of the things I post here. It's important to have me-time, and I'd lose that if he were lurking about.

[donttakenostuff]

I agree with others. It is an invasion of your privacy. Really insist that he not try to discover your screen name and read your post. If he can't honor your request, be aware that he'll invade other parts of your life that you deem private.

[Lynne]

Well, I'm in the position that my SO CAN and DOES read my posts. I have to admit that it has an effect on what I post and how I word things, but not much. Doesn't bother me though.

[lalaland~]

I remember when my friend was fooling around on the computer with me and she randomly announced OOH! I FOUND THIS SUPER WEIRD WEBSITE YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS! and she goes...to this site. so of course I was freaking out on the inside and also thinking "I'm 'super weird', am I?"

All the while I'm sitting in the background trying to look like I've never seen anything like this before and like I agree with her (Oh yeah, these people are total wierdos! Who gets so excited over a sneeze anyway? ) Boy, that was akward. (at least she didn't read any of my posts, otherwise I don't know what I would have done)

Basically people who don't enjoy sneezing think it's weird or funny that some people do enjoy it. And I agree with Sneesee that people who read the fiction get bored of it easily like "this is dumb".

I haven't told my boyfriend that I like his sneezes yet...I'm kinda afraid to. If he saw what I posted and knew I posted it, I would shoot myself (unless he thought it was interesting or cool, which I doubt he will). I would be that embarrassed.

So the moral of the story is...I agree with you! I would get so mad and embarrassed if my bf joined this site and read all my posts.

[Ella]

I understand those who wouldn't really want their SO coming on here. Its a bit like keeping a diary or a place you feel safe in. Once you're exposed, you feel you have to censor yourself, just in case, and being able to be this open is what makes the forum so nice.

With my SO, I guess it never really bothered me that he read what was on the forum. Then again, I never posted anything about HIM, so I guess it isn't a big deal. I kind of imagine that if I ever got an obs from him, I could post what I liked about it on here, instead of awkwardly trying to tell him what I liked. I'm kinda shy when it comes to asking for what I want.

I suppose, if your SO wants an intimate experience, he could read posts that were approved by you and then it still remains at your comfort level.

[InLivingColor]

If I may, I'd like to point out a few "flaws" in the logic that is being repeated over and over. Something you post on a public board cannot be them deemed a "private matter". Nothing posted here can be thought of as a "private matter", if it was, it wouldn't be viewed by anyone but you. I've also made a little observation of that everyone that has preceeded me in posting here has been female. That means nothing init of itself, but it does seem to me that you're letting your emotions get the better of your logic. The second you notify your SO of this site and your fetish, you're waving this whole "privacy" rite you have. It's like reading the first page of your dairy aloud and then leaving on your nightstand and putting him on the honor system. It's human nature to be curious of things unknown, and if you "forbid" someone to do something, they're going to want to do that forbidden act more. I'm not trying to be the jerk here, although I'm well aware I'm going to be percieved as one, but as the first male to post here, I feel that this viewpoint should be made.

[queenie]

If I may, I'd like to point out a few "flaws" in the logic that is being repeated over and over. Something you post on a public board cannot be them deemed a "private matter". Nothing posted here can be thought of as a "private matter", if it was, it wouldn't be viewed by anyone but you.

On one hand, I sort of agree with this; everything put up here is meant to be seen and read by others. On the other hand, it's done with a certain degree of anonymity. Few to no members post with their actual names, and part of the reason for that is to provide a modicum of privacy. I, for one, would not want anyone IRL knowing what I do or say here. It isn't so much about letting other people see it but about letting people connect who you are on the forum with who you are outside of it. It's totally understandable to be freaked out if your SO wants to figure out who you are and read everything you've posted here.

[lolerskates]

I think alot of us still feel alot of feelings of embaressment.

[Guest dustbunni3]

Personally, i don't think it would be a good thing, simply because it's not something that you intended upon him knowing. it'd be the same as if you told him "hey, i work for the FBI, i trust you enough to tell you, but no one else knows." he would NOT have the right to ask you about your assignments.

Then again, on the other hand, if you trust him enough to tell him, then why would you not trust him enough to show him?

on the other hand, there ARE less invasive ways for him to find out about you. for example (if it's still there, b/c last time i visited it, it was about to be deleted) there is a wikipedia page on the fetish, which i found to be fairly accurate. also, He could just ASK you what you do/ don't like! -shok- im surprised he didn't think of that first.

(ps. i do apologize for arguing with myself out loud, and for the hint of (italicized) sarcasm. i get intense sometimes