Sneezing hang up

[Guest ernestine]

I find it very easy to sneeze when I am on my own but impossible to sneeze when I am with people I know. If I feel a sneeze coming on when I am with people I know I panic and it goes away. I am in a catch 22 position. I want to sneeze when I am with people I know because then it will not be a mental monster and I will be more relaxed as I will feel that I am normal but when I get the opportunity something inside me fights it off. This has got worse as I have got older. I discovered that I had a sneeze fetish when I was about 10 when one of my female teachers had a sneezing fit and it gave me very strange sensations down below. I enjoyed sneezing in front of family members when I was younger and used to pretend to sneeze when I was in another room. As I got older the fear of sneezing developed and I found I just couldn't sneeze in class etc. I was worried about sneezing in front of boys especially. I have a nice sounding sneeze so it is nothing to do with that. I now suffer with sneeze jealousy. My boyfriend (now my husband) has hayfever. I used to love to hear him sneeze but now I can't bear it as I don't sneeze in front of him. He does know about it although it was very hard to tell him and he makes sure he doesn't sneeze in front of me now. I can sneeze if I am in another room. I used to be able to sneeze in front of my children but as my daughter has got older I can't sneeze in front of her and am jealous of her if she sneezes in front of me. I am still allright at the moment with my two boys who are 11 and 9. I can sneeze in front of strangers although not as much as I used to and I find it difficult.

I have been searching on the net for some help with this but couldn't find any. Then I found this forum. I relate to a lot of what is said on these boards so I guess I must have a sneeze fetish which I have suppressed due to embarassment. I would not want to watch videos of people sneezing or anything like that but I am fascinated with sneezing and do seem to have a bit of an obsession with it.

I am wondering if there is anyone out there who is like me or can offer any helpful suggestions.

[Guest WalterDESneeze]

You can't Pm yet, but feel free to Im me, I will try and help

[Sneesee]

Um, I am one of those people that has a pretty large mental block when it comes to sneezing infront of other people. I rarely do it anyway, and then in public, barely do it at all. I have recently worked on being able to do it in front of my husband, which was a pretty huge step for me, especially after telling him about my fetish. And so, I dont' have any real good advice for you. one thing I've had to do, is kind of relax and learn to breathe correctly in order to get the sneeze to come out. I think learning how to induce sneezing has also helped me with the natural ones. But, I still have hang ups. The other day I was in the store, and felt like I really needed to sneeze, but couldn't get it out.

[atchoum]

Well, if it's any help, you could think that if you have acquired this mental block you can lose it too. I had a complete sneezing block in late teenage to early twenties, and it gradually went away in stages, so that now if I need to sneeze, then I sneeze.

So just relax ! In fact, if you think of it, people sneeze far more when they are relaxed !

[count tiszula]

It's interesting that you are so much more involved with your own sneezing , and have such sneeze jealousy. I have a partial mental block and would dearly love to be sneezier, have hay fever etc. And I'm jealous of those who are/have. But, apart from the fact that I've got used to it over the years, it doesn't worry me that much because I'm much more interested in others' sneezes and anyway I can always make myself sneeze by inducing, albeit in private.

Do you induce? Several people have tried to get themselves to sneeze more in public, and if your husband already knows, you could try an assisted sneeze or seven to get yourself used to the idea. You can't be that unsneezy if you can sneeze in the next room, and although there have been counterexamples, it can be quite difficult for a sneeze not to come out if you've got a clothes tag or paper hankie tickling the sneeziest part of your nose.

In fact, someone has suggested tickling one's nose outside the room and then only walking into the room once you are certain that the sneeze has achieved inevitability. Basically once you gat used to it the mantal block does seem to diminish.

by the way, why does your husband not sneeze in front of you? Just because you are jealous? Don't you enjoy his sneezes?

And welcome to the forum.

[lk]

Sure, there are people like you. I have a major mental block that keeps me from sneezing around others, although the few times I have tried to work on losing it, I thought it would be much easier to do it around strangers than with anyone I knew. I don't sneeze around my wife either. I have told her about the fetish, and one of the reasons was that she used to point out that I never sneezed. Since then, she understands and doesn't dwell on that, but I still don't sneeze with her. My children are a few years younger than yours, and I can sneeze around them (though I don't sneeze much naturally anyway), but I have suspected that I won't be able to do it after some point. (Your story makes me suspect it more.) I really don't want to deal with their interrogations about my not sneezing, so that is a motivation to keep on doing it, if I can.

I haven't experienced anything quite like the "sneeze jealousy" thing, though. The way you explain it, that seems to come from your desire to be able to sneeze around people you know. I don't know how much good advice I have about that, but I'll give it a shot.

I do agree with achoum that you need to relax, although I think he makes that sound a lot easier than it really is. It's certainly right to say that if you keep on beating yourself up for not being normal and not being able to do it, then you are not going to be able to do it, because you will have made it into a bigger thing than it has to be, and because it's really true that you can't sneeze when you are all worked up. I do think you can start by noting that a mental block can be a quite natural consequence of this fetish. Because you see sneezing as sexual, it can be hard to sneeze around other people, in the same way that it's not just easy to express sexual thoughts around other people. (You can also remember that since other people don't see it as sexual, they won't really care if you do sneeze.)

The harder point may be: accepting that you are really not normal, in the sense that you really are different from other people. They don't see sneezing as sexual, and you do. Why it happens, we don't really know, but it is a fact. OK. But that doesn't mean you are not normal in any bad sense. There's nothing wrong with you. From even what you write here, you have been perfectly able to form relationships, to be a parent, and to communicate well with your husband, who seems to understand your situation and to accept it. So there's really nothing wrong, except that you feel badly about not being able to sneeze.

But why is that? The really hard question you have to ask is: why is it important for you to sneeze in front of people you know? What do you want to get out of that? The answer shouldn't just be: to feel normal, because sneezing isn't going to change any of the things that I just said about that. You are not normal in the sense that you have special feelings for sneezing, but that doesn't mean you are not normal in any other sense. Whether or not you sneeze, that isn't going to change. So what else is there? Are you worried about being perceived as not normal because you don't sneeze? Is it important for your sexual and/or emotional relationship with your husband that you sneeze with him? I suppose my advice is: stop blaming yourself for not being normal, and then ask yourself whether there is anything more that you want out of sneezing around people you know.

[Guest ernestine]

Thank you so much everyone for your comments. They have all been really helpful. I like the idea that you can get over a sneezing block but I think my brain has been conditioned to not sneeze in front of people I know and that's the frustration. The reason I want to sneeze in front of people I know is that I will then be completely relaxed in their company. I will be able to be myself and not have this worry in the back of my mind. I will not think about it at all. You hit the nail on the head when you said your wife asked you why you don't sneeze. I think people expect you to sneeze in front of them at some point if you spend a lot of time with them and when you don't they think you're strange. It has helped me to know that other people suffer with the sneeze block aswell. It is also very uncomfortable sometimes when you can't sneeze. If I have a cold I need to sneeze a lot but if I am at work I can't so I have the discomfort of not being able to sneeze as well as thinking other people must think I'm strange because I don't sneeze when I have a cold!!!

I do agree with the point that you need to be relaxed and that if you think about it it is less likely to happen. I did sneeze in front of my husband once because it just crept up on me. I thought I was over the sneeze block but it has never happened again.

With regard to the point about enjoying my husband sneezing. I used to enjoy it and would do things to make him sneeze (I bought floral carpet freshener once!) but then I got fed up with him sneezing and me not and that's when the jealousy set in and it went the other way.

I have induced sneezing and it does work sometimes. If only I could be brave enough and induce a sneeze then walk into the room where my husband is. That would be the place to start as he accepts me completely the way I am. He said he probably wouldn't even notice if I sneezed in front of him. I need to get it into my head that most people don't see it as a sexual thing and half the time don't even notice when you sneeze because I'm sure that's where the problem lies.

Thanks for your help.

[atchoum]

It's probably correct when lk says that I exaggerated how easy it is to relax and just sneeze out no matter where you are. It took me years, and happened in stages. First was sneezing in public but anonymous situations : in the street, etc, where no one was particularly close. Then at work, then with vague friends, then with close friends, then with family.

The only hangup I'm left with is that I can lose a sneeze if someone stares at me while I'm getting ready to sneeze - unfortunately I take a long time to wind up for a sneeze, so it's only too visible.

What can help is to take advantage of any time that you are naturally sneezy. I gather from what you say that your husband gets hayfever, but you don't. But if you get a cold, you may find you can sneeze more easily round other (unthreatening) people - so perhaps not at work, where you know everyone. I remember making a breakthrough thanks to hayfever, when I was sneezing pretty easily where ever I was. I noticed when the hayfever was over that I was still sneezing in front of people.

The issue of 'sneeze jealousy' has been discussed before, and the first academic article on sneeze fetishism touched on it. You can find it here:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sneezingmale...mic%20articles/

But the main advice is still to relax. If it's a conflictual subject with your husband, forget it for the moment ; you can come back to it when you are at ease with sneezing round people, since he may well be the last person you will feel happy sneezing for.