The Silent Depths of the Sea - (11 Parts)

[silentdreamer789]

Wow. Sooooooo good. Loved the Captain not denying that he's sick, but just patiently refusing to rest. And brilliantly written, as usual. Looking forward to more already...

silentdreamer789

[crazy_cat_girl]

This is really great!

[doggo]

Vetinari, Thank you.

Be careful with that cologne, Chui, someone might be allergic to it! Thank you.

silentdreamer789, I'm glad you liiike! Yeah I couldn't have them all expressing the same kind of denial, it would get boring. Thank you.

crazy_cat_girl, thanks!

Major thanks to Vetinari again for editing this thing.

And now to the business...

--

The Silent Depths of the Sea, part VII

A call from the bridge awoke Varilov . It was Gewelt, and he sounded agitated at least.

“Varilov, get on the bridge ASAP. I think we are… oh hell…”

Varilov was still half asleep. He rubbed his eyes and suppressed a yawn. “What’s the problem commander, are we…”

“Just get on the bridge, lieutenant!”

“Understood, sir.”

Varilov was pulling his pants on when he heard the captain’s announcement.

They were under attack.

--

The whole ship was seething with chaos. Many of the men were sick. Coughing and sneezing echoed through the corridors mingling with the raging storm of footsteps and commands. And those who were not wiping their dribbling noses on their sleeves looked weary; most of them frightened as well. As Varilov reached the bridge the ship jolted so violently that he was thrown against the captain’s table. Alarms sounded from all directions.

“Holy shit!” Varilov yelped. He saw the captain gripping the armrests of his chair to hold himself still.

Varilov straightened up and glanced at his captain once more. The captain paused to wipe his visibly maltreated nose, giving it a liquid sniff and nodded at Varilov who almost forgot to greet him – so surprised was he by the tired, gloomy glassiness in the captain’s slightly watery eyes. He definitely looked sicker than before. But it was no wonder – any man who had drugged himself to stay awake for way too long, while fighting a nasty cold equipped only with handkerchiefs, would look miserable in one way or another. And yet it was neither his pallor nor his congestion that startled Varilov,, but his eyes. Even knowing him only slightly, the look was…unexpected to say the least.

“Gill, where were we hit?” the captain asked.

“In the right flank, sir… right flank and… oh, one more blast like that and we will undoubtedly have a breach in the hull!”

Varilov strode to the navigation platform. “What’s the situation?”

Gewelt, who was seated by the table, had already regained his usual calmness. Varilov suddenly felt significantly better – abruptly becoming conscious of how much reliance he had placed upon the commander’s almost inhuman ability to keep a cool head, realising how uneasy he had felt upon hearing Gewelt so agitated. “Lieutenant, we went blank just a while ago and couldn’t evade properly. I will assist you with this.”

The commander would assist him? The world was insane! Varilov had barely enough patience to seat himself before getting to work. “Yes I need help, I’ll have to break the code first. What about Norris?”

“He’s to stay away. Captain’s orders. He doesn’t want to call him or Kajiwara on the bridge.”

Varilov nodded half-heartedly. “Makes sense! And if Norris’s head is still fuzzy with fever he wouldn’t be much help anyway.”

“Continue retreating. Varilov. Is there any better position we can take?” the captain asked. His voice could still be heard clearly, even if thick and weakened by the strain all that sneezing had put on it. “H’Kngt-ghhh!” He let his shoulders fall slowly.

“Commander, you look into that… sir.”

“Yes… wait… there is… About 12 miles to North-East, captain, I think there is a spot where we could take cover.”

“Direction?”

“52 degrees, sir. And we have to go deeper… we have to go down to 2400”

“52. You heard him, starboard engines on hard astern, we have to turn.” The Captain’s last words were mixed with a sudden inhalation. “H’… H’kngt! H’kng-SHISHCT! …HA’ISSCHT!” The sneezes threw his whole body forward, making him grab the edge of the table with his free hand. He cleaned his sinuses a bit with a discreet blow and folded the handkerchief back, only to raise it once more to his face. “H’Kng-ISSCHT!”

“Bless you, sir.”

The Captain wiped his nose, giving a series of short, miserably thick sniffs that seemed to have little power over whatever was blockading his head and troubling his breathing. His face was flushed from his desperate and probably painful effort to contain those forceful sneezes, and it took a little while before he recognized the voice of the blesser.

“Oh bloody hell…”

“Lieutenant Kajiwara, reporting to duty, sir.”

“We’re regaining our sight sir.” Varilov glanced at the captain. “What… How is Kajiwara…”

“Like I said, reporting to duty, sir.”

Kajiwara was still standing straight as ever, even if his voice was hoarse and miserably congested, and he had to punctuate his words with constant sniffles. And how poorly his nose had been treated – anyone could see that he was sick as a dog, no matter how hard he was fighting to hold his posture. He bent his head down slightly to cough into his fist.

“Lieutenant Kajiwara, didn’t I specifically order you to stay away?”

“I detect an energy spike, sir! They are preparing to fire!”

“I can’t stay out if there’s… huhh…” Kajiwara turned away and clamped a tissue he had been fumbling inside his pocket on his nose. “H’ISSCh-hgnh!” His shoulders jerked violently and he took a shaky gasp of air.

“I won’t take sick men on the bridge. Varilov, is there any eva…” It was captain’s turn to grab a handkerchief to catch a sneeze. “H’hkgn-SHISCHT!”

Gewelt had already assumed control of the situation and was giving commands in his usual firm, perfectly confident manner, his sonorous baritone echoing through the bridge.

“They will fire soon, commander, we have to evade!”

“There’s solid rock on our left, we can’t turn too fast or our stern will crash. Varilov, send the jamming sequence as soon as possible.”

“Yes, I still have to configure this… Oh hell, here it comes!”

The ship jolted again, and only those who were supported by something more or less solid stayed on their feet. Kajiwara had grabbed a hold of the captain’s table, and Gewelt had crouched over the empty chair before him. Alarms were going off, bangs from lamps exploding and sounds of breaking glass echoed through the corridors. Varilov felt his heart skip a beat as he saw the screens flinch. Luckily the effect lasted only a second or less.

“We’re in trouble, captain…” Gill didn’t even have time to turn his head while speaking, so immersed was he in his work. “Yes, there’s a breach in the hull, sir. It’s not major and only affecting the outmost layer but it will get worse if it’s not fixed right away. And engine two is unstable; I’m shutting it down, sir. But someone has to go out and patch up that breach.”

“That’s impossible, lieutenant. Can’t it wait until the fight is over?”

“No it can’t, sir, we are too deep; the first layer of bulkheads in that area is flooded and the pressure will slowly tear it apart. Someone has to go out, sir, or we’ll have to go up at least three hundred kilometres.”

“We will go up.”

Gewelt stepped before the captain. “We can’t do that sir, this is the only spot with any cover. And we would be even more vulnerable with engine two down, it reduces our mobility significantly.” Gewelt placed both hands on the captain’s table, leaning over and piercing Captain Cherkasky with a gaze so merciless and with such crushing strength that it would have made the bravest man momentarily paralyzed. “We can go up and be blown to pieces,” he continued in a voice deep as faraway thunder, “or stay here and wait for the pressure to tear the hull apart until we drown, or we can do as Gill says.”

The captain turned his head away, but Gewelt’s gaze followed him. He couldn’t answer the commander with anything except a sniffle.

“I will go, captain.”

Varilov swallowed hard. Madness on top of madness!

As expressionlessly as possible in his state, Kajiwara stared at the captain.

“No you will not, lieutenant. It would break my heart to send anyone out there now, I will not send a sick man to do the job.”

“Captain, I… ISSCH-hngh! “ Kajiwara cleared his throat and continued in a low voice. “Let me do this. Let me atone, sir.”

“No, no way in hell! Even if I wished to punish you, which I do not, this is not the… H…” Captain clenched his eyes shut and waited with his brow furrowed, his breath hitching behind his handkerchief.

“You seem to be unwell yourself, captain, and it isn’t keeping you from doing what you feel have to”, Kajiwara continued softly. There was a desperate look in his eyes, like everything he believed was depending on it.

“H… H’Kgnxth! H’Kng-ISSCHT!” The captain growled with displeasure.

There was something sad and amusing about the sight of them – two visibly sick men clad in their perfectly fitting naval uniforms, a captain and a squadron leader no less, both sneezing and snivelling in the most pitiful manner while fighting over which one of them was less deserving of pity.

“I think that lieutenant Kajiwara is making sense, captain. If this has to be done, he is the man most capable of piloting a mechdiver and he has the greatest chance of returning alive…even if... he is not at the height of his strength.” Gewelt stood tall before his captain, without feeling any uncertainty about his words, now or ever when he believed himself to be right. “I’d advise sending him out now, without further delay.”

It was then that Varilov truly understood for the first time how devastatingly tired the captain was. The expression on his face, which only lasted a split second, was so full of quiet despair that for a moment it made him almost unrecognizable.

The captain nodded. “Hurry then. Lieutenant Gill will instruct you. You will keep connected throughout the operation. We will try our best to keep their attention off you. Come back alive.”

“I will, captain. I will take the Diver Three. Its equipment is ready.”

Kajiwara turned his head slightly in Varilov’s direction when passing him and nodded. There was no sign of fright in his eyes, only a mute determination. Varilov nodded back and watched him walk across the bridge. Thinking of the crushing weight of the water mass above and the enemy before them, made Kajiwara appear so fragile that it caused an almost empty feeling within his chest. Not even the squadron leader’s uniform lent any hardness to his appearance – to Varilov’s eyes it just stamped its bearer like a target. He had never given it consideration before, but from that moment he could not see that belted grey coat on anyone without feeling at least a little pity.

…

As bad as the waiting was, Varilov dreaded the moment when he would have to report the inevitable. But no matter how he wished and no matter how he prayed to all the gods in whom he had never really believed, eventually the moment came.

“Captain, they are moving in our direction.”

The captain swallowed hard. “All right then, gentlemen. We will have to keep their attention away from the mechdiver with all the effort we can muster. Ready to jam them, Varilov?”

“Yes….yes, I have to wait a little still… a little… It’s going out sir!”

The captain counted the seconds in his mind, his lips moving impatiently, as if it was difficult for him to hold in the command. Finally he whipped his hand through the air. “Fire! …and larboard engines to astern again. We have to change our position before they answer…… Not that much, our stern is touching!”

“I can’t say… they’re answering the… Captain, we are blind. Commander, I need your help.”

“Kajiwara, how are you doing?”

“It still takes ti… Holy shit, captain, they just shot right past us!”

The captain leaned back in his chair. “So they are desperate too. We must have hit them.” He leaned over the armrest. “H…H’kgnt-hhh! H… HI-ESSCHT!” the second sneeze ripped through his sinuses with such irrepressible force that the harsh sound startled Varilov making his shoulders jerk convulsively. Luckily everyone was too busy to look in the captain’s direction but for a short moment he was stunned by the sudden pain shooting through his sinuses and forehead, and only after blinking his welling eyes a couple of times did he realize the messy state of his face. For a man as refined as captain Cherkasky it was a shattering experience to realize that his nose was running freely down his face. On top of that there was still the maddening itch raging in his sinuses. He craved to sneeze and feared the moment he would.

He suddenly felt a great urge to run away, to hide in the solitude of his quarters. How tired he was.

Wrinkling his nose and trying to hold his breath, the captain dug out a handkerchief . “H’hh…” his movements were careful, like he was afraid that any rash action would trigger the sneeze. Tears ran down his face and he clenched his teeth together, finally managing to bring the handkerchief to his face. “H… H’kgh-ISSSCHT”

The captain cleaned his sinuses as carefully as he could and sighed with relief. At least the itch had subsided for now and that meant that for the moment his body was in relative harmony with his nose. For a while at least, he thought. Realising he had no idea what had been happening around him for a moment or two, he sat up straighter. He saw Varilov turning around in his chair.

“Captain… this is bad, we are going blind again…”

“I trust you can take care of it?”

Varilov was nervously ruffling his already messy hair. “No, not right now… They’re using very tricky codes, sir, and our machinery… we’ve used up our resources, sir.”

Captain nodded. “So this is it, then?”

“I’m not sure… I could try to disassemble the first jamming sequence we’re sending but I would honestly need another brain for that, sir.” He was pale and his fingers trembled.

What a demoralizing sight. This ought not to continue the captain thought when he realized what was going on – Lieutenant Varilov was terrified. He was terrified, and it could spread any minute.

“So yes, this is it. This is what we’re prepared for.”

…

“What do you mean, we’re, we’re…” Varilov was wringing his hands. His heart was pounding so hard it hurt.

The captain stood up slowly, fighting to restore his posture to its true grace, and yes; graceful he truly was. Looking at him made Varilov nearly gasp - he was so tall and beautiful, so serious, like an archangel descended from the tall skies into their ship. Varilov would not have been surprised if he had been radiating a golden halo of light, even when pale and sniffly; even when glowing with fever.

“Are you feeling lucky, Varilov?”

”No I’m not! I can’t! I don’t understand…”

“Listen, Varilov,” the captain had stepped right up to him, looking him in the eye. “It was your mentor Gradsky who we originally asked to fill this position, but he assured us that you could read it just as well as him. Have courage, lieutenant. That’s all you’re missing.”

Varilov nodded slowly and turned around. He felt like a part of him was still lost somewhere in the depths of the captain’s gaze; he couldn’t shake the sensation of being swallowed by that intensely grey mass of stormy clouds. How hard it was to snap out of it. Maybe he didn’t even want to. Maybe some part of him was too afraid, and wanted to hide in someone else’s shadow.

A sudden sound from behind his back startled him enough to shake him fully awake. “H’kng-KISSCH!”

Varilov cleared his throat. “There’s movement… here or here. I’m not sure… I think there was… is…”

“Which one of them?” the captain snuffled.

Gewelt was gesturing before the map. “If we retreat to this point they can’t hit us from either position, sir”

Varilov rubbed his chin nervously. “But we need Engine 4 to get there and Kajiwara’s too close to it! He would be torn to shreds! ”

The captain was already by his table. “He has to back off. Lieutenant Kajiwara, take cover. Take cover now.”

Varilov was sweating enough for strands of hair to become glued to his brow. He didn’t like having to make the decision; bearing so much responsibility. He could break codes and encrypt the flood of information from the screens before him, he even enjoyed it. But he didn’t like it when he couldn’t be absolutely sure, he didn’t like to draw conclusions if he was lacking information. It was against his nature to act or even prompt action if there was no solid certainty to back his decisions up.

“Kajiwara, what’s happening?”

“I’m ok, they missed us both. I was just thrown back by the pressure wave. I think they hit something North-East of us. I’ll continue, sir”

It took amazingly little time for Gewelt to use that little bit of information to his advantage. “North-East… Varilov, out of your locations… They fired from here.”

“The movement… they have to be here, captain, they have to be around here. Direction 320 – 330”

“You heard him! Take aim and fire!”

…

“We’re getting back on, sir - they had to drop the last sequence. They must be running low on energy. I’m coming back… I’m coming… “

Gill turned around in his chair. “Lieutenant Kajiwara is ready to dock sir.”

“We will pursue. Kajiwara, back away for now. All engines ahead, prepare to fire again.” The captain sat down again. He was visibly trembling from head to toe. “Fire… now.”

“Direct hit, captain!” Varilov covered his mouth with his hand and took a deep breath. He stood up and faced the captain. “They’re going down, sir. Congratulations.”

The captain smiled weakly. He opened his mouth to answer, but before getting a word out he turned his head away. “H’HISSCHT!” He straightened up slowly, sniffling and wiping his nose. But before he could say anything Gewelt had already grabbed Varilov by the shoulder and turned him around.

“Varilov… let me congratulate you!” No matter how calm he had been during the battle, suddenly Gewelt looked quite worked up. “I… I must admit I was among those who were disappointed upon hearing that lieutenant Gradsky wouldn’t be joining us himself… but now I regret that. I want you to know, lieutenant, that I am more than happy to have you aboard.” He was smiling, with a slight hint of melancholy. He was obviously quite moved.

Varilov was surprised at least – he couldn’t understand what had provoked such a strong reaction in the commander.

But he didn’t have much time to wonder. The mechdiver had docked.

Varilov flicked a glance over his shoulder. There was Kajiwara, back on the bridge in one piece – but he looked as if it required a considerable effort just to stay on his feet. His whole ashen face was glistening with sweat. Varilov took a few hesitant steps in his direction and turned around and eyed Gewelt who gave him an approving nod. He walked through the hustle and bustle of the bridge to Kajiwara’s side. As they met, Kajiwara put his hand on Varilov’s shoulder and swayed dangerously; enough to make Varilov grab him tightly by arm. They looked at each other for a short while, until Varilov pulled Kajiwara into his arms and patted his back.

“Well done, Kajiwara, we’re safe now. Well done”, Varilov whispered into his ear. How hot he felt! Varilov didn’t even want to think how high his fever must have climbed.

Kajiwara nodded and blinked his eyes. He looked like he was about to sneeze, but didn’t know where to turn his head. He bent over to his left, still supported by Varilov.

“Hhh… ISSCH-hngh! H’ESSCHT!” His whole body was jolted by the strength of the sneezes, and Varilov could hear how wet they were. Thick, awkward sniffling followed. Varilov pulled his other hand free and dug up a tissue to offer his friend. He didn’t look at Kajiwara’s face but over his shoulder but he could feel the other man hunching his shoulders and leaning his whole weight against Varilov’s chest, sneezing the final, messy “H’HISSFCHT!” into the tissue, causing him to whimper and raise his hand to his throat.

“Well done, lieutenant. The issue is settled for now at least. You are freed from your post but this time for long enough to get well.” The captain sounded nervous. As relieved as he was that the situation was solved, he couldn’t help worrying about his much valued colleague. “Varilov, take him to his cabin on your way back and continue your own rest. I will call you here when needed.”

“Yes sir.”

As they walked from the bridge, Varilov still had his arm wrapped around the squadron leader’s waist – not because Kajiwara could not do without the support, but because Varilov himself had been so anguished by the fear of losing him. He had not realized before how much he had learnt to care about this uptight, snappish little lieutenant.

…

For a couple of days they fared in relative peace, without running into enemy ships or any other real trouble. Kajiwara, who had exhausted himself completely in the last battle was slowly getting better – his fever was gradually dropping and he had regained his voice after losing it briefly. Varilov looked in on him whenever he had a chance – their cabins were not far away from each other, and he felt it was his responsibility to see that his comrade didn’t feel abandoned.

But the captain, who still refused to rest, was weakening gradually. It was as if he was stretched over the days, his presence growing thinner and thinner to the point of being almost translucent. He suffered from sudden headaches and had lost his good temper and optimism, swinging from almost manic frustration to gloomy desperation and back.

On the fourth day of his doomed fight against the need for sleep and the fragility of his flesh, in the middle of planting another probe he suddenly stood up and tried to call Commander Gewelt by his name and with a look of bewilderment, took a couple of shaky, stuttering steps and collapsed.

The captain was taken to his quarters, and Gewelt was called to the bridge to take over the operation.

TBC …

[crazy_cat_girl]

OOOOOOOOH, this is so lovely.

I absolutely ADORE the captain. He's so vibrant!

You write so well!

[chui]

omg....Shiny....youve done it again....

such poor sniffly, sneezy men in their yummy uniforms.... i feel so for the poor Captain....working himself to exhaustion.... and of course how Varilov and Kajiwara are being so nice to each other....

As they walked from the bridge, Varilov still had his arm wrapped around the squadron leader’s waist – not because Kajiwara could not do without the support, but because Varilov himself had been so anguished by the fear of losing him.

*squeeeeeeeeeeee*

this is just wonderful..... i do hope you post a bit more....

[doggo]

crazy_cat_girl, thank you! I'm so happy some people still read and like. Thank you for support.

Chui, eeek! Yeah I have a weak spot for uniforms..... And I'm soooooo glad you liked the boys being nice to eachother! I'm such a sucker for the first-they-irritated-eachother-then-they-make-friends kind of cheesy scenarios. Thank you.

--

Cheers for Vetinari again, wonderful edits!

And about the chapter...

ANGST WARNING!

There.

--

The Silent Depths of the Sea, part VIII

It took four days, during which he continued to dismiss our continual pleas that he should take some rest, for the captain to collapse due to exhaustion, outrageous use of stims and resulting high fever. Even though it was all too predictable (and truthfully we all knew that something like this was bound to happen) it struck us hard. With the under-manning and other issues, the pressure must have been too great, blurring his judgement and driving him over the edge. My heart is weighed down with unspeakable grief. Even worse, Kajiwara, who is due to take his post on the bridge again today, does not yet know.

We have heard very little from the captain since his collapse. As the second in command Commander Gewelt has taken charge, but as his friend and most trusted man, he checks on the captain as often as he can. Whatever Kajiwara might have against him, I can only admire his sense of duty, his will to look after his comrades and his matchless stamina. He strikes me as an unbelievably capable man who is ready to put others before himself in any situation whatsoever. But his stoic, even cold appearance must make him hard to like.

I wish I could see the captain though – the commander has placed a guard at his door so no-one can disturb his rest apart from himself and the medical officer. I understand his concern, but that makes the men, or some of them at least, quite restless. And it makes me uneasy to see that now with the captain bed-ridden, Gewelt is taking the same route of merciless self-exhaustion, using more stims than is legal, taking care of everything by himself and neglecting wholly his natural need for rest. What will become of us if he breaks under the pressure too?

I’m going to leave for the bridge soon, and see Kajiwara on my way there. I will tell him myself. But I’m afraid. I feel guilty. I feel like I have betrayed his trust.

…

Kajiwara stood in the middle of his room, his hair freshly brushed, tucking his shirt in his trousers when Varilov arrived. He was still pale and his nose was quite red and chapped, but he looked definitely better. As much as Varilov would have liked him to wait a day or so still, he understood that it was not fair or even possible to press the issue anymore.

“Lieutenant Varilov.”

“Kajiwara… I think… there’s something we should discuss.”

Kajiwara raised an eyebrow. “When you say that, it’s hardly good news I don’t suppose.”

Varilov shook his head and sat on the sharply made bed. “I mean it Kajiwara. I think it better that you sit down.”

“Oh?” Kajiwara sounded distrustful. Hesitantly he sat next to Varilov. “Now tell me.”

Varilov heaved a long, deep sigh and rubbed his face with his both hands. “I… Something happened on the bridge. Nothing mortal but we… we are even more short-handed than before.”

“That’s bad news. I trust that the captain is ok?”

“Well… I don’t know. This has to do with him.”

Kajiwara’s eyes widened and he turned to face Varilov. He placed his hand on Varilov’s knee and stared him in the eye anxiously. “Is the captain ok? I knew he was sick too but… is he injured? What has happened? Why wasn’t I told?”

“Oh slow down and I will tell you. I don’t know if it’s serious. You saw him before…”

“Yes, coming down with the same thing, I know…”

Varilov nodded. “Yes. But he didn’t allow himself rest… of any kind. For four days.”

“That’s too much… but still not…”

“Four days since he started to… show signs of sickness. But he had been pushing himself even before that. I don’t know how long he was doing that… all in all.”

“And he isn’t fit to take his post anymore? Is that what you’re getting at?”

“Well yes… but… Kajiwara, he was going heavy on stims. I mean, very heavy. Far heavier than any of us.”

“But why didn’t you make him rest?” Kajiwara was squeezing Varilov’s knee so hard it hurt.

Varilov buried his face in his hands and drew a heavy breath through his nose. “Do you think we didn’t try?” He stood up and paced nervously back and forth as much as the limited space of the cabin would allow. “Damn, I almost got thrown into the brig. I did everything I could! Maybe if I had knocked him out with my own hands…” He stopped and stared at Kajiwara. “Maybe I should have!”

Kajiwara got up and put his hands on Varilov’s shoulders. “Calm down, Varilov. He fell sick while overdosing on stims like I did. What is it that you’re not telling me?”

Varilov’s lips moved but no sound came out. The guilt of not looking after the captain as he felt he should have, as he had promised, was so heavy it was almost unbearable. Finally he shook himself free and took a step back, looking bewildered. “Just under a day ago… only a few hours since… the captain collapsed in the middle of an operation. I could do nothing. I could not help him. I’m so sorry.”

Kajiwara stood perfectly still. He didn’t make a sound. For a moment he stayed like that then he turned around and started to button his uniform coat in haste.

“What are you…”

“I’m going to see him”, Kajiwara said. His face was expressionless apart from his tightly shut mouth.

“But you can’t. The Commander…”

Kajiwara was by the door, ready to storm out but suddenly he froze. Raising his arm into the air he inhaled deeply and buried his face in the crook of his elbow. “Ha… Isscheh!” Then without even bothering to look round he ordered “Follow me,” and marched outside.

“So what has Gewelt done?” he demanded.

“He has placed a guard on the captain’s door. No-one is allowed to disturb the captain’s rest apart from himself and the medical officer.”

“As if that is going to stop me!”

“I mean it: No-one can get inside! It’s not as if I haven’t tried!”

Kajiwara stopped abruptly and turned round to face Varilov, who almost cannoned into him. “Varilov, you have to understand. I have to see him. With my own eyes. Right now.”

So resolute, so unconditional was his tone, and so deep the anxiety in his gaze, that Varilov could do nothing but nod silently and follow.

…

“Halt! No-one is to pass, sir.”

“I have to see the captain. Move aside.”

“Like I said. No-one is to pass. Commander’s orders!”

“Like hell I care about your commander. I have to see my captain now.” Kajiwara pushed the soldier aside and swept his cuff over the sensor. Nothing happened. He tried again.

It was just then Varilov realized that the soldier had a military stunner in his hand, and he was raising it.

“Kajiwara! Watch…” he cried, but before he had even finished his sentence Kajiwara had already turned and grabbed the soldier by the wrist. Swiftly he twisted it just enough to make the soldier cry out and drop the stunner. Kajiwara kicked it, sending it rolling to the far end of the corridor.

“They have changed the code damn them. I can’t open it. We need to find someone who can.”

Kajiwara’s cheeks were glowing scarlet. Varilov didn’t like the look of him. “Kajiwara,” he said warily, “what if we just asked the commander? Maybe he would let us inside. We should be on the bridge by now.”

Kajiwara was becoming breathless, inhaling frantically through his flared nostrils. He lowered his head and swallowed. “Maybe we should try that.”

The soldier, who was merely a boy and now pale with fright, didn’t even try to fight back. Kajiwara let his hand free.

The soldier rubbed his arm looking positively frightened.

“I’m sorry for the inconvenience. Let’s say I had gone a bit stir-crazy in my cabin and lashed out at you without reason”, Kajiwara ground out, nodding to him curtly.

“Come on, lieutenant. We are late.”

“Yes…” Kajiwara answered, suddenly sounding as if his thoughts were far away. After taking a few steps he froze again, his brow knitting and his breath hitching. “Hahhh.. H’Essch-hgnh! ISscht!” The sneezes bent his whole body forward, and he took his time to straighten up.

“Bless you, lieutenant” the little soldier stammered.

“You should take it easy, Kajiwara”, Varilov murmured. “You’re still not that well.”

…

“Commander, I demand to see the captain.”

Gewelt raised an eyebrow. “Well long time no see, lieutenant. I trust you are well.”

“Like I said, I demand to see the captain.” Kajiwara didn’t look the commander in the eye, but let his gaze wander into the distance. Varilov could see that he was clenching his hand into a fist behind his back.

Gewelt sighed and got up. “Kajiwara, I will not even go into whether you are in any position to make demands. I want no argument.” He stood tall before the lieutenant, who barely came up to the level of his chin.

Kajiwara was still evading his gaze, speaking through his clenched teeth. “I will say it once more. Commander…”

“Commander,” Varilov interrupted, “we are really worried about the captain, especially Kajiwara who considers the captain’s well-being much more important than his own! And I am worried and nervous too, as I haven’t seen him since he collapsed. Isn’t there any chance that we can see him?”

Gewelt rubbed his slightly stubbly chin. “I know. I do understand… I wish I could help you, but I have to consider the captain’s well being too. He was exhausted, he had used all the strength that he had in reserve. He needs rest more than anything, and as long as his fever is up at a dangerous level… I really can’t help. I’m sorry, I wish I could, but you have to understand.”

Kajiwara turned his face towards the commander and raised his gaze to meet his eyes. For the first time Varilov could see his expression – simply, pleading. “Commander… I have served the captain as well as I could, I have done everything I…” he gasped and let his head fall again. “I need to see him. I need to see that he is safe. I can’t… I can’t think straight until I have seen him, commander.”

Gewelt heaved a deep sigh and placed his hand on Kajiwara’s shoulder. Kajiwara flinched. “I know… I understand. I am worried about him myself, more than…” Gewelt swallowed hard. “Even more than is… proper in my position.” He paused. “And I also know that you don’t like me very much. But you have to trust me in this. I… I would allow you to do as you wish at any time if it were within my… Please, try to be patient, for the captain. We are all trying. He needs that. He needs our patience, and we can do nothing but wait.”

Kajiwara bit his lip hard and turned his head away.

“If I promise… that if there’s any improvement… I will ensure that you are called to see him immediately? Would that do?”

Kajiwara lifted his face once more, but he was still evading the commander’s gaze. He cleared his throat and nodded silently. “I… I will wait, commander. If that’s how things are.”

“Good.” Gewelt patted his shoulder and turned to give a sweeping look at the bridge. “I will go and see how the captain is doing right now and ask if the medical officer can help him. I know this is hard for all of us. Lieutenant Varilov.”

“Yes, commander.”

“I will leave the command formally to you, but you will work in consensus with the head-mechanic Gill and Lieutenant Kajiwara. I will be shortly back. Understood?”

“Understood, sir.”

Varilov could never have imagined, even when Kajiwara was in the depths of his feverish misery, that he could ever look so crushed. His upright posture had disappeared, and Varilov’s heart ached as he watched him walk to the far end of the bridge.

…

Back in the medic’s office, the debate between Gewelt and Andersen was becoming heated.

Gewelt gritted his teeth and slammed his fist into the wall behind the other man. “No. Listen you maggot. I called in every favour… I turned every stone, sold everything I had and a lot of what I didn’t have to get you on board from that damned Novaya Zemlya… and now you tell me that you’re not doing what you’re supposed to do? I should flush you right out with the black water!” Gewelt’s eyes burned with an icy, barely contained rage. “Now, you will come with me... to see the captain… and do what you have to do: Do what’s right… and when this is all over and we have handed over the ship I will see that you are duly compensated. We will never have a better chance than this.”

“But commander…”Andersen cried. “There’s a huge difference between talking about it in a theoretical way… and actually carrying it through! I can’t, I simply can’t do it! It’s murder! You’re asking me to murder my captain and cover it up… No! I have my oath…”

“The hell with your oath! You also took another one when you joined the militia, and you’re not blinking an eye that you’re breaking that one. But look at me, Andersen. Look at me!”

The medic tried to evade Gewelt’s gaze, looking from one side to another, eventually closing his eyes. Gewelt grabbed his chin and shook his head, squeezing his cheeks with his fingers. “Look at me!”

The medic opened his eyes a crack, his breath hitching hysterically.

“Now…” Gewelt said, in a much calmer tone, still holding Andersen’s face in position with his hand. “It is as easy as giving a vaccination to a child. No. It’s easier, he won’t fight back… You come with me, I will talk to him, you do your job… it’s over in few minutes and we have nothing to fear. Understood?”

Gewelt moved Andersen’s head with his hand imitating a nod, and the medic followed in terror. “U… Understood”, he stuttered as clearly as he could from between his squeezed cheeks. Gewelt let him free of his grasp.

The medic turned slowly around and went to get his bag. Together they left to see the captain.

…

The captain lay on his bed, white as snow except for the fever glowing through his skin. Gewelt placed his hand on the captain’s sweaty forehead and stroked it gently. “The medic is here” he whispered. “He will give you a shot… we don’t know how long it takes for those stims to wear off but there is a chance we can get your fever down a bit.”

The captain nodded wearily and opened his eyes. “I made a mistake. This is my own doing” he whispered.

“Hush! No-one knew how those stims would affect us. You were doing your job admirably but ran out of strength. Nothing is your fault” Gewelt said softly. A sudden crash made him jump – something had slipped from Andersen’s stiff, shaky fingers and there were shards of glass shattered on the floor. Gewelt grimaced. Finally Andersen pulled himself together and approached the captain with a syringe in his hand.

“Could you pull up his sleeve?” Andersen rasped. Gewelt nodded.

“Oh. What’s up with your voice, lieutenant?” the captain said slowly, turning his head away and coughing against his shoulder. It felt like an eternity as the two men stood there, mortified, waiting for him to stop. “You don’t look good… are you well?”

Andersen couldn’t bring himself to answer. Swallowing hard he took the captains arm and looked for a vein. “This will sting a bit” he whispered hoarsely. A droplet of sweat ran down the bridge of his nose.

The captain squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. Gewelt couldn’t help staring at Andersen’s face as the needle penetrated the skin.

“Thank you,” the captain whispered, and squeezed Andersen’s hand. Without thinking the medic jerked his hand free with a terrified cry. The captain frowned. “I’m sorry. I forgot you were so afraid.”

“If you will excuse us?” Gewelt said, grabbing Andersen by the arm and leading him outside.

“Will it be painful?” he whispered.

Andersen shook his head. “A day at the most… and then his heart will just stop. It will be classified as organ failure due to the high fever which resulted from the combination of illegal doses of stims and an infection. The substance will have degraded and been cleared from his system perfectly by then; no trace left whatsoever. We couldn’t have a better cover, and we only need the trust of the crew anyway.”

Gewelt nodded. “Good. You’d better get some rest. I will come and see you later.”

…

“How was he? How is the captain?” Kajiwara had rushed to the commander the moment he saw him stepping onto the bridge.

Gewelt let his face fall. “Not good. He’s really feverish, and we don’t know if anything we try will help him, there’s no telling how long the stims will carry on affecting his system…”

Kajiwara was tearing his hair in agony. “He’s practically poisoned. He’s poisoned, you say?”

Gewelt blinked. “Yes… yes, I suppose one could say that.” Gewelt shook his head. “It’s no use falling into despair. If his temperature doesn’t rise too high… if he rests undisturbed… all may be well.”

“But couldn’t we just call off the mission? Couldn’t we surface and seek help? Greenland is close and they are neutral territory. Surely we could get him…”

“Kajiwara, I’ve already proposed that. But the captain declined. He doesn’t want that and he’s still the captain.”

Kajiwara turned left and right looking fervently for support, but the men turned their eyes away. Only Varilov answered him with a sad smile. “But… we could do that anyway! We could call the mission off ourselves to save him.”

“And what would that make us, Kajiwara?” Gewelt asked, his tone surprisingly menacing. “Traitors? We would be betraying our captain and the league. Is that how you want to come back? As a shipjacker?”

Kajiwara’s gaze was hovering around the floor. “I don’t know… maybe… maybe if that’s the only way.”

Gewelt turned around. “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. I would have to report you otherwise. This matter will not be discussed further.”

…

The day dragged on, heavy and cheerless, filled with bleak faces and whispered commands. Judging by the meteorological information, the weather at the surface was bright and calm. But for the crew of the Denkiunagi the sea never seemed to change as the mute, heavy weight of the Denmark Strait overflow carried them onwards towards their feared destination.

Every now and then the commander would excuse himself and go to check on the captain. And each time Kajiwara’s eyes would follow him from the opposite side of the bridge.

…

Gewelt watched the troubled movements of the captain’s face. He looked like he really needed to sneeze again, but didn’t have the energy. Raising the handkerchief to his nose in weary surrender, he clenched his eyes shut. “Heh… HEkks-ngh! HI’Essch!” he sneezed, curling up like a wounded animal, blinking his teary eyes.

“Bless you, captain” Gewelt said softly.

Cherkasky nodded, signalling his gratefulness.

It was already more than 12 hours since the medical officer had visited the captain, and with an almost unspeakable dread Gewelt followed his every movement, sound and change of expression, trying to detect signs of the inevitable.

“Funny… I can’t feel my fingers…” the captain whispered, looking at his hands.

“Maybe they are cold?” Gewelt said with a shaky voice. He took the captains hands and rubbed them feverishly.

The captain’s gaze travelled around the roof. He had been hallucinating before, but now everything seemed to be relatively clear. He turned his eyes to Gewelt, sniffling weakly. “You are too kind, Gewelt… commander… if you have no duties you should rest.”

Gewelt continued rubbing the captain’s hands, shaking his head. “I think I should get the medical officer” he said, his usually strong, commanding voice hollow and hoarse. Placing the captain’s hands carefully on the blanket he got up, wiping the corner of his eye with his sleeve. “I will be back in a minute.”

There was nothing to prevent Gewelt simply calling the medic in, but he needed a break. He stepped out greeting the guards with a stiff nod and went his way.

…

Andersen was just washing his hands when Gewelt stepped in. “How is he?” he asked, not looking at the pale man who stood by his door looking ill at ease, his eyes gleaming with anxiety and his brow glistening with sweat.

“He… he can’t feel his fingers…”

Andersen nodded. “I see. Pulse?” Still not looking at the commander, he proceeded to disinfect his fingers with careful, sweeping movements.

Gewelt shook his head. “I don’t know.” He swallowed. “I… I didn’t try…”

As if the unexpected encounter had muddled his procedure, Andersen frowned and rinsed his hands again with water. “The numbness is a definite sign anyway. He doesn’t have much time left. It might be that he’s already…”

Gewelt grabbed Andersen’s shoulder. “That’s why I came to get you. You have to confirm that he’s dead, you’re the medical officer for god’s sake! Now come with me.”

Andersen shook Gewelt’s hand away and brushed off his shoulder with an irritated gesture. “I’m in no hurry. Come and find me when he’s gone.”

Gewelt’s temper flared. He grabbed Andersen’s collar and his eyes pierced so deeply into the medic’s eyes that it made him feel dizzy. “I am not going to go back there alone. Understood? You come with me or I…”

Andersen’s chin started to tremble. Gewelt set him free, breathing heavily.

“I’ll come. ‘I’ll come, sir… just don’t…. just let’s be civilized about this? I need to wash my hands first”, he said, turning around and combing his hair with his hands.

Gewelt nodded.

…

“He’s gone.”

The commander’s eyes twitched when he heard the words, but that was all. “We will have to tell the men. As the next in command I must take his place.” An expressionless mask was stretched way too tight over his face.

Andersen took his bag and walked with Gewelt to the door. “We are murderers now, Gewelt” he whispered hoarsely. “You are a murderer… and a traitor… and you’ve turned me into murderer too. We are going to Hell for this, Gewelt…. and somehow I feel Hell is not so far beneath us. You are a murderer… and so am I.”

The unseeing eyes of Captain Alexander Cherkasky stared at the ceiling, as if gazing in helpless, childish fright at something unspeakable approaching him.

…

Gewelt stepped onto the bridge accompanied by Andersen.

“You took your time, didn’t you, commander?” Varilov asked casually, turning towards them. Upon seeing how pale and serious they looked, Varilov frowned.

“Is something wrong? Has he become worse?”

Kajiwara came closer. “What is it, commander? How is the captain?”

“Andersen…” Gewelt said, and gave the medic a grim look.

Andersen cleared his throat. His hands were shaking. “Men, I… the captain….” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat once more before continuing. “The captain passed away today, at approximately 3:35 pm, that is, twenty minutes ago. He died of… organ failure due to the excessive use of stims… and the high fever that resulted from the combined effects of the stimulant use and an infection, while… while the commander was coming to fetch me. We… we didn’t make it back in time, although I don’t believe… there was anything we could have done to help him anyway.”

It was as if the whole sea had fallen silent. Varilov’s ears were filled with the sound of his own blood gushing through his veins, so loudly that he felt his head would crack from the pressure.

It took three steps for Kajiwara to reach Gewelt. He landed a punch loaded with flaring hate, sorrow and bitterness into the commander’s stomach and knocked him over. The strength he possessed was unbelievable, especially as the man he was trying to strangle must have been twice his size.

“You murdered him!” Kajiwara screamed. “You bastard you murdered him! I knew you couldn’t be trusted! You… you traitor, you… murderer!”

Three men were already pulling them apart. Gewelt was doubled over holding his neck and coughing, while the men could barely hold the enraged Kajiwara down. Kajiwara stared at Gewelt’s face while sounds like the screams of wild beasts were rising from his throat.

“Throw him in the brig.” Gewelt rasped.

Varilov slammed his fist into the table, covered his eyes and cried.

TBC …

[chui]

*gasp*

oh no.... the poor Captain.....and Kajiwara!?!? the brig?!?!? oh no..... omg...Shiny, you're absolutely brilliant...this is just incredible, such amazing angst... i have to know what happens next...i just have to....

(although...im glad somebody finally got a good hit in on Gewelt)

[crazy_cat_girl]

Oh my god...this is so sad!!!

I really loved that captain. :-( *sniff* I feel shocked and moved. You gave him such wonderful caring moments with his would-be murderers. Heart-breaking.

I really hope Kajiwara gets that punk~~!!!~~~

[chui]

Shiny... you still have my undying love for this masterpeice.... *rereads again*

[dove]

Shiny... you still have my undying love for this masterpeice.... *rereads again*

I agree with chui, this story is fantastic.

[doggo]

Awww they're still reading!

I'm sorry about the horribly long pause with this, but I experienced a sudden lapse in confidence... ... but now I'm set to finish this off! THANK YOU for support, it's very much needed.

Chui, I felt so sorry to post that chapter... But I'm very thankful of the compliments, and so glad you're still enjoying this!

Crazy_cat_girl, awww, I'm sorry I had to do that but you know, the plot does what the plot does and... glad you still liked it!

Dove, thank you! I'm glad you appreciate.

And now for the next chapter, which is the second last! After this - one more to go!!!

Thank you for Vetinari about checking this again and providing some exellent edits.

and as for warnings..... MESSSS.

-----

The Silent Depths of the Sea, part IX

This is a nightmare. Everything is messed up on the ship and I don’t know who to trust anymore. I don’t dare write – even if I keep these notes on me at all times, I just don’t dare – maybe I’m even afraid myself of what my own eyes might see on these pages. Unaware of what or whom I’m afraid of, buried in the silent depths of the sea with my mute, heavy fear.

The commander is handling the situation admirably, as one would expect. But it is less than surprising that I have every reason to worry about him. I can’t even imagine when it was that he last slept as we are so undermanned – the captain is dead, Kajiwara is in the brig and even the medical officer has shut himself out of this hell. I heard that he went mad because of all the stress and his phobias, barricading himself into his office. Some men were told to seal the door from the outside too, as he is presumably a danger to us all. What will happen when he runs out of food? I don’t even want to think about that.

And it is no surprise either that the Commander’s health is evidently cracking under the pressure. During the past few days I have spent on the bridge with him I’ve been witnessing the strange yet pitiful sight of a man as strong as the commander falling prey to a pesky little germ. After all we’ve been through…how ironic! And he’s taking so many stims it frightens me, but somebody has to keep this show together, and even if I don’t know…I still have to say that I admire his ability and sense of responsibility. He will get us anywhere, to hell and back if needed, through the sheer strength of his mind and will if that is his wish.

But I’m afraid. And I don’t dare to write. I wish I could talk to Kajiwara.

…

When Varilov returned to the bridge to relieve the now recovered Norris from his post, it was already evident that his assumptions about Gewelt’s health were painfully true. Gewelt sat in the captain’s chair, dabbing his nose with a balled tissue between sniffles that had a nasty, gurgling sound to them. Varilov greeted him formally and sat by the navigating table. It seemed like the commander’s nose was already in complete rebellion. With the exhaustion and outrageous use of stims, he was going down with it hard.

Varilov switched on the crystal ball and sat down, trying to concentrate on the screens and not on Gewelt’s sniffling. But when he heard the man’s breath starting to hitch uncontrollably he couldn’t help but to stop and listen.

“Hah… He-ISSh-ghn… ESSCH!” Gewelt sneezed and let out a liquid sniffle followed by a sigh. There was not much to do for a navigator really but Varilov tried to make the most of it and keep busy.

“Ihh… Ha’ISSChooh!” The sneeze was followed by a couple of soft coughs.

That was it. Varilov turned around, eyeing Gewelt who was slowly straightening up in his chair. “Commander, with all due respect, you are not well.”

“How observant of you.” Gewelt answered without bothering to cover his cold, sardonic tone.

“What I mean, sir, is that perhaps it would be best if you layed off the stims for a while and had some rest. This is not good, we have all been bed-ridden with this thing and with the strain you put on yourself…”

“And who would be in charge, Lieutenant Varilov? You?” Gewelt grimaced. “I have no... ah… A-ISSSChooh! …no-one to put on… …huh…” He lifted both of his hands to his face, hunching his shoulders and waiting. “Hah… ISSSCHT!” his whole body shuddered with the force of the sneeze, and blinking his teary eyes and drawing long, forceful sniffs through his audibly streaming nose he straightened up and continued: “no-one to put in my place, and a ship can’t run without a captain.”

“Dough-ud?” Varilov mimicked. He was getting tired of this game he had seen played over too many times during this voyage. “Commander Gewelt, with all due respect, you are most likely too stuffed up to give understandable commands.”

The moment Varilov realized what he had said he regretted it gravely. Gewelt was not the same man he used to be. Maybe he never had been the most sociable of the crew, and it was true that Varilov had never exactly felt like he had much of an idea what was going through Gewelt’s head, but after the death of the Captain he had become so gloomy and irritable it was actually intimidating. Varilov knew very well he shouldn’t try the man’s patience.

Gewelt stayed silent. He gave another thick sniffle, trying desperately to force some air through the wet heaviness of congestion. He glared at Varilov still without a word.

“I… I apologize, commander…” Varilov stuttered.

Suprisingly, Gewelt’s shoulders started to bob with silent laughter. He paused first and then laughed out loud, which drew a wracking cough out of his chest. After recovering a little he smiled at Varilov and said: “I’ve never failed to notice that you have a sense of humour, lieutenant. Don’t be afraid to use it at will, as I think we all could need it.”

Varilov forced a weak smile onto his face. “Thank you, commander.”

…

Drifting ever so silently forward, they reached the location where the last probe was to be set. There was a bleak reverence in the air – although successfully completing the task ought to have given relief, the men knew that it was not all. And Varilov, who was painfully aware of where they were heading, sincerely wished that there had been a couple of probes left or some additional task, change of course… anything but continuing to Deepwater Watch.

He shuddered at the thought of having to take up the mission he had felt was suicidal from the start with their captain dead, their mechdiver squadron leader in the brig, many of their men sick, everyone else exhausted, and to top it all, their new captain in such miserable state.

Because yes, Gewelt was miserable indeed. His nose was running without giving him a break, his sneezes getting more and more wet and wretched, taking over his whole body no matter how strong and upright he otherwise seemed.

But no matter how unwell the commander appeared, Varilov couldn’t help but admire the way that he still held his head up straight; how precise and well-grounded his every command was. He didn’t hesitate but he didn’t rush things either; even if he was obviously not in the highest of spirits, it remained relatively pleasant to work with him.

But still there was something that made him uneasy. Although the captain had definitely been far less capable and experienced than his right hand man, there had been something about his gentle, almost playful nature that served to soothe the hearts of the crew. No matter how capable, how hard and determined to the edge of inhumanity Gewelt seemed, there was nothing in him that would have inspired the loving trust the mere presence of the deceased Captain had made his crew feel.

“Mechdiver two requesting permission to dock.”

“Permission granted.” Gewelt threw himself back in his chair and rubbed his eyes.

After a moment of silence that had grown awkwardly long, Gill turned around in his chair. “Commander?”

Gewelt let his hands fall slowly from his face. He was pale as a ghost and for a moment Varilov caught a glimpse of something he had never witnessed before – he was completely disoriented. Gewelt blinked his eyes and cleared his throat. Everyone on the bridge had nailed their eyes to the commander who just sat there, breathing through his parted lips unable to focus his gaze on anything. He gave a weary sniffle and finally looked Varilov straight in the eye, his brow furrowed like he wanted to ask something, like he couldn’t understand what was going on.

“Commander Gewelt?” Varilov almost whispered. “Where do we set the course?”

Gewelt let his gaze drop and shook his head silently. After hesitating for a while he raised his hands to his face and turned around, hunching his shoulders and shuddering. “He…hekngght!” A barely audible groan escaped him, as he prepared to sneeze again. “H…ISSCHAW!” Gewelt straighted up with his hands still covering his face, giving his nose silent and careful sniffs – almost like he was afraid he would break or hurt something with them.

The commander shook his head again and cleared his throat. The gaze of his bleary eyes swept the bridge, slowly gaining focus and finally Gewelt opened his mouth to speak, congratulating the crew for a mission accomplished and ordering a pause of forty minutes.

Varilov got up, swallowed hard and firmly gazing at his shoes managed to say: “Now when we are not going anywhere… I trust that you might have your break, commander? I can stay on the bridge. We are not moving so it should be no problem… it’s just forty minutes anyway, sir. You can’t blame me for worrying after the latest incident. But I understand if you deny my wish as I honestly respect your sense of duty.”

Gewelt smiled faintly, closed his eyes and nodded. “Well maybe I could take a little break now, if you’re willing to give yours to me. Forty minutes then as for the other men. Call me immediately if there’s something suspicious, I will be in my cabin.”

“Yes sir. Thank you, commander.”

…

In the confines of his cabin Gewelt dropped the façade and leaned his back to the door, digging his fingers to his eyes and groaning. He was feeling more wretched than words could tell. A shiver ran through him – he had felt those back on the bridge too but had fought them with all his might. He went through his pockets in need of something to blow into, pressing the back of his other hand against his nose, drawing forceful but ineffective sniffs. Finding only sodden remainders he rushed into the bathroom, managing just to grab some paper in which to land another harsh, wet sneeze. After a rather pitiful attempt at clearing his nose which resulted only in a flash of pain through his sinuses and the popping of his ears, he threw the paper into a waste bin, rubbed his eyes with his palms and turned to face the mirror.

He leaned his hands against the borders of the sink and breathed heavily, looking tiredly at his reflection. He was pale, his eyes were watery, his nostrils and all the skin surrounding them were painfully red and chapped, and a thin thread of liquid was running down his corroded, elegantly curved lip. He would have growled with displeasure if another itch hadn’t forced its way through his flooded sinuses making him sneeze violently. “Eh…he’ESSCH-Hnggh! Hi’IESSCH-ghhhh!” Sprinkles of saliva spotted the mirror, and making efforts, as desperate as they were unsuccessful, to sniffle back the thick stream of congestion filling his achy head and overflowing his nose, he stared into the cold, silent depths of his own eyes. Maybe the rising fever was playing tricks on him, as for an evanescent moment he was sure he saw consuming, black flames raging at the bottom of his gaze.

Andersen’s words echoed through his fuzzy mind. Murderer, traitor, murderer. Hell, murderer, murderer.

...

“At ease, lieutenant. We will be ready to leave for the second part of our mission shortly.”

Hearing those words made Varilov flinch. He had dreaded them from the start, and even more so now when things on the ship were in such a wretched state.

The engines were set to moderate speed, and no matter how little Varilov wanted it, they were to head for Deepwater Watch, which was less than ten hours away from their current location.

…

Varilov had done a long shift, but he was hesitant to let Norris take his post. He knew Norris needed rest more than him, especially as Varilov himself had pushed his distaste aside and had been on moderate dosage of stims for a while. There had been no setbacks or surprises on their way to Deepwater Watch, and no changes in Gewelt’s state either.

But what puzzled Varilov was that that Gewelt’s commands and his own calculations didn’t quite match. He knew that the Commander was surprisingly skilled at the art of navigation, but with all due respect, Varilov knew he was still far superior in this.

“Captain, shouldn’t we… shouldn’t we be turning to starboard right about now?”

”We will maintain the course, Lieutenant.”

“But commander, this is the wrong direction! We should be… we should have turned already!”

Even when horrendously stuffed, there was something so intimidating about Gewelt’s voice that it made it almost impossible to disobey him. He dabbed the wet spots beneath his nostrils with a tissue and without any hesitation ordered: “We will maintain the course, Lieutenant. Don’t question my orders again. Understood?”

“Understood, sir.”

Varilov couldn’t understand. They were, according to his calculations, well past the third anchoring gyre they were supposed to bombard. Maybe the commander had planned some strategically ingenious manoeuvre he wasn’t aware of? He was quite conscious of the fact that the information given to him was minimal at all times.

Everything about this part of the mission had remained buried in deep secrecy; and the mute, unspoken understanding between the Captain and Commander had prevailed unbroken until the tragedy. And after the Captain was gone, there was no-one besides Gewelt who was aware of the specifics; so there was virtually nothing Varilov could do. And especially since witnessing what had happened to Kajiwara it had became very clear to Varilov how seriously Gewelt took the unassailability of the chain of command.

And Gewelt continued to manoeuvre the ship skilfully through the traps of the yellow sector, past the second anchoring gyre, and in few more hours they had sneaked to the border of the red sector, an area so close to the base that any signal of intrusion would trigger unquestioned use of deadly force. They were floating freely in the first anchoring gyre – the least populated one used to quarantine ships that had been taken as prisoners.

Cold terror had started to swell in Varilov’s stomach, and was creeping up into every part of his body. This was not right. This was insanity. This was… terrifying.

“At ease, Norris. Varilov, you are relieved of your post for now. I will call you back later.”

Gewelt’s calm words made Varilov flinch awake from his thoughts. “Yes… yes sir.”

He got up, greeted Norris and was about to leave, but something made him still want to doubt his fears. He stopped by captain’s chair.

“Sir… are you sure…”

Gewelt didn’t even look at him. Instead he clamped his nose with a tissue and inhaled sharply. “Hahh… H’ESSCTH-hgnht! … hhh… H’ISSCHT-hgnhh!” Doubled over in his chair, Gewelt groaned, his eyes streaming and breath starting to hitch again, but after a while the obvious need to sneeze subsided. He blinked his teary eyes and squeezed his nose, something that made his lower lip twitch with sharp, stinging pain, and straightened slowly up. “Lieutenant, you are dismisss… HI’ESSFCHT!” The sneeze that he had been anticipating earlier took him so completely by surprise that he barely had time to turn his head away, spraying the air and landing a wet mess on the sleeve of his crooked arm he had managed to draw only halfway up to cover.

Varilov turned quickly around. “Yes sir.”

This time Varilov knew what he was going to do. He would march straight to the head mechanic’s cabin. He was going to see Kajiwara.

TBC …

[Vetinari]

Whaaaaaaaat? I didn't comment anywhere before?

Obviously that was seriously remiss and I will now make up for my heinous crime.

This is a wonderful fic, so much plot, so much action......and so much MESS!

Yay for messiness whores and lovely cold viruses everywhere.

[chui]

..........er........uh.........em......... ....gah...Shiny.... you are absolutely incredible.... this is amazing.... i am so glad that you posted more to this.... its just *brain no worky* i cannot wait to see how you end it....

[HisPet]

Grgh...this is so wonderful!!

All these different characters, each with an unique way of suffering*rrrrr*...and all the wonderful mess!!!*rolls around happily*

I am SO looking foreward the next part>.<...but until then...*steals Kajiwara and runs away*

[doggo]

Awww thanks for your support, folks! It has helped me so much to get this done. Seriously. You're the best.

Vetinari, of course it's not your duty to comment everywhere. I'm happy you enjoy the plotliness and messiness.

Chui, Thank you for compliments, they really warm my heart.

HisPet, oooh, thank you! That's exactly what I was going after; because there's so many lovely ways to suffer through a messy cold. Thank you for commenting and glad you like it. You can lend Kajiwara if you let Milan pass his cold to him... JUST WHO SAID THAT????

MAJOR kudos to Vetinari again; for proofing and editing, for support, and for being a darling...

Ok, this will be the last part. FINALLY. I suck and finishing things but when I started writing this I swore to myself that by GOD I will finish what I started for once. There's violence, there's angst, f-words and... well, you know, just generally stuff I like to have in a story.

WTF OFF WE GO!!!!

--

The Silent Depths of the Sea, part X – FINAL

Even with persistent banging of the door with his fist, it took a good while for Varilov to wake lieutenant Gill up. Eventually the door opened, and Varilov walked in. Gill was sitting on his bed scratching his head, and judging from his wrinkled uniform he had been sleeping in his clothes.

“What can I do for you, Lieutenant Varilov?” he asked hoarsely, squinting at the light.

“Truthfully… I need to see Kajiwara.”

“I see.” Gill nodded. “You should ask the commander then.”

Varilov bit his lip. “I think… that is the problem. I think that the commander is not all right. He might be delirious. Do you have any idea of our position?”

Gill shook his head. “You tell me. But I can tell we are not keeping up with our schedule – we should already have started to bombard the anchoring gyre structures.”

“I will tell you, lieutenant. We are way past the third anchoring gyre.”

“So we are on the second?”

“No. We are way past that too.”

Gill’s eyes opened wide and he gasped. “What are you saying?… are we…?”

Varilov nodded. “Yes. We are drifting in the first anchoring gyre. Just by the outer rim of the red sector. One hasty move… one radio signal… one launched lifepod… and boom.”

Gill stood up and started walking back and forth, his head still hanging low, rubbing his temples. Eventually he turned to face Varilov, raising his head with a tired, thoroughly puzzled look.

“And what do you propose then?”

Varilov clenched his hands into fists. He was not used to this. “I think… I think we should take the commander down… confine him in his cabin… and sneak out. We can’t continue without him… but we are doomed if he stays in command in his current state.”

“I see… What do you need Kajiwara for?”

“Lieutenant Kajiwara is extremely agile. I need his strength to tackle the commander. I will see if he has calmed down enough to be trusted, of course.”

Gill sighed and grabbed the back of his neck, shaking his head slowly. “I don’t like this, Varilov, and I wouldn’t participate at all under normal circumstances. But there is nothing normal about this situation. I will help you to get in, go to the bridge and observe.”

“Thank you lieutenant, that’s all I ask.”

“We’d better get going then.”

…

"t was not difficult for Gill to surpass the locking mechanisms in the two doors which were separated by a short but dim corridor, leading to the brig. He came no further, as if he disliked the idea of his face being seen by the prisoner but he nodded silently to Varilov gesturing to him that the door was open before taking his leave for the bridge. Kajiwara, who had been sitting on the bunk, stumbled up immediately. The door closed, and finally Varilov was able to have a good look at Kajiwara’s face for the first time since the tragedy.

Kajiwara stepped closer, evading Varilov’s gaze, until he suddenly grabbed both of Varilov’s arms with his hands and stared him right in the eye. He looked so bleak and nervous, his hair matted and his eyes gleaming in a way that almost frightened Varilov.

“Varilov… I thought…I thought I was…” he let his face drop and swallowed hard. It was as if he couldn’t control the way his bewildered gaze travelled back and forth, left and right, distrustful, alarmed and scared.

“I thought I was going mad… I’m not lying, I honestly thought I would go mad!” His voice sounded so thin, as if on the brink of disappearing altogether into soundless anguish.

“Shush, Kajiwara, it’s alright. Calm down.”

Kajiwara let his hands fall and grabbed the bridge of his nose while closing his eyes, taking a few slow, deep breaths. His hand was trembling slightly. It broke Varilov’s heart to watch how the squadron leader fought to gain control, but eventually his breathing calmed down a little, until he was ready to raise his gaze again to meet Varilov’s, this time visibly much more together. He was still breathing hard through his flared nostrils, biting his lip. When Varilov raised a hand to touch his shoulder, Kajiwara flinched slightly, straightened up and took a couple of steps back.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about it all, it was driving me insane! And I’m so relieved to see you… that it was no-one else – I didn’t know what was going on, I just waited for someone to walk in, holding a gun…”

Varilov grabbed Kajiwara’s shoulder and squeezed it. “Kajiwara, try to calm down. I have something to tell you and I need to ask you for help. But I can’t do that until

you calm down. Please! It’s only me; no-one else is coming. No-one knows I’m here… except Gill who let me in, but he won’t say a thing. You know Gill, don’t you?”

Kajiwara nodded slowly. He turned around and walked to the bunk, sat down and leaned his elbows on his knees. “So how is it on the bridge?”

“Bad”, Varilov sighed. “First of all Gewelt is sick as a dog and has been working without any rest whatsoever after you… after…”

Kajiwara frowned. “So he fell sick too? Somehow I imagined that if anyone could evade it, he would be the one.”

Varilov nodded. “So did I. Of course we are short-handed… and you were here… it’s been a nightmare. But that’s not the real problem.”

Kajiwara raised a brow. “So what is it then?”

Varilov took a deep breath. “I think you were right. Or no… I think there might be a chance… that you were right about Gewelt.”

The squadron leader jerked his head up. A cold, wild flash of anger ran through his face, making his eyes burn. “That bastard!”

“No, Kajiwara, listen to me first. I won’t tell you anything if you’re not calm.” This was much harder than Varilov had expected. But now when considered it… it must have been a living nightmare to be confined here, knowing nothing, meeting no-one, with only bitter rage, sorrow and fear as one’s companions. For a moment he almost regretted coming here.

Kajiwara had grabbed his own knees convulsively and for a moment or two the whiteness of his knuckles made Varilov wonder if he was bruising himself. But he was slowly regaining his composure, his hands and shoulders relaxing bit by bit, and eventually Varilov felt he could talk to his comrade again.

“Now listen carefully. We should already be bombarding the anchoring gyre structures. But we are not. We are not even where we are supposed to be, and he tells us nothing.”

“I see… so where are we then? Might it be a trick manoeuvre?”

“That’s what I wondered at first. But now… look.” Varilov crouched down, drawing circles with his finger to the floor. “We are drifting in the bottom current of the First Anchoring gyre… the one that runs alongside the outer rim of the red sector. We could easily remain undetected for around 40 hours before we hit any of the main routes if we do nothing. If I’m right… and I know I am, I have checked and re-checked my calculations…” Varilov swallowed. He didn’t like saying this. He didn’t like saying this aloud at all. “…we are practically being held as hostages.”

Kajiwara was silent. Varilov didn’t want to know what kind of expression he was wearing. “Gewelt…” he continued. “I have began to think that you’re right about him, little as I want to admit it… but what on earth would he be planning?”

“Outer rim of the red sector?” Kajiwara said after a short pause. He sounded so composed that it gave Varilov the courage to look up at him. Kajiwara was staring intensely at the invisible circles on the floor. “So we are close enough for them to blast us to pieces immediately if we were to be detected… but we are hiding… waiting... probably waiting for a signal of some sort. That is what the first gyre is used for, the quarantined ships must be called forth from the base as no-one could signal them from the ship without…”

“Yes I know. You make sense. But I don’t understand what he thinks he’s gaining with this. It’s just one submarine. If he wants prisoners… wouldn’t the captain have been the most valuable of us? What value have you or I, or Gill.....”

Suddenly Kajiwara gasped and grabbed Varilov by shoulders. “You!” he cried out.

Varilov didn’t understand what was going on in Kajiwara’s head, but suddenly his insides felt cold and empty. “Me? What about me? What have I…”

“What does this ship have that only one other does? Something connected to you?”

Varilov raised his hand to his mouth. “The crystal ball.”

“Exactly. Who can actually read it? Lieutenant Gradsky is the only other as far as we know.”

“Yes. But he refused to come.”

“So he did. But he was called here at very short notice, he was supposed to board with that damned Andersen. Because of the staff replacements Gewelt was eager to get through.”

“Holy shit!” Varilov jumped up. “So that’s what made him talk like that… what disturbed him so badly after the latest battle we fought…” Varilov was pacing back and forth on the cell floor, waving his long hands as he talked. “Kajiwara, you weren’t there. You weren’t there, but I can assure you it fits perfectly. He was not himself, and it was right after I had succeeded quite well with reading the damn thing… and he told me how he regretted being so disappointed upon hearing that lieutenant Gradsky wouldn’t be joining us … Damn!” Varilov stopped and trembled with barely contained anger. “It was right there in front of me… I can’t believe that he would see the captain, his long time comrade for God’s sake, as being disposable as long as the ship was holding together and there was someone abroad to read the… Fuck!”

Kajiwara shook his head. “Men like that don’t have comrades, Varilov.”

Varilov combed back his perpetually tousled hair with both hands and forced a long, irritated sigh from his lungs. “You’re right, Kajiwara. He’s obviously waiting for a signal… and not only planning to hand over the ship and its whole crew with it, including high-ranking officers, but also the navigating technology… you know, Gewelt is very knowledgeable about navigation…”

“Clever man that Gewelt”, Kajiwara grimaced.

“Yes. And I suppose that they are planning to make me…” Varilov fell silent.

“You’re right. I’m sure the present day neurocybernetics would help with that if the traditional means fail. They will definitely make you work for them. Especially as you know they have…”

“Stop!” Varilov cried. “The navigator is never told the most important details. I’m not cut out for this, Kajiwara. If they want me to work for them I know they can make me. I’m not the kind of heroic man who can resist to the bitter end… you know I’m not completely uncritical of the league but after what they did…”

“Stop right there, lieutenant.” Kajiwara had stood up. “They’re not going to have us. Right now, on this ship, the commander is alone. His judgement is not at its best right now for a variety of reasons. The fact that you’re here proves that.”

Varilov nodded. He was still shaken by the realisation of his own role in all of this; he, who was so used to staying in the background and keeping out of the way of his superiors… this was not fair. “We have to take him down, Kajiwara. We will take him down and escape.”

Kajiwara nodded. “We will get back when this is over. And you will make up with your mother… and I… I will see that the captain is buried in his family grave.”

…

As much as he wanted to, Varilov didn’t dare turn his head to catch a last glimpse of Kajiwara’s face before he entered the bridge, concentrating as he was on maintaining a natural countenance. They had agreed on a simple plan – Varilov would get Gewelt’s attention and keep him occupied giving Kajiwara a chance to approach from behind and take him down without excessive violence. That was the one thing that to Varilov was non-negotiable – that violence should be kept to the minimum and that they would simply confine Gewelt to the brig to be court-martialled later.

Kajiwara’s heart was pounding. He could already hear Varilov talking to the commander. He just needed to sneak in – the captain’s chair was positioned in such a way as to leave Gewelt’s back facing the exit. He moved perfectly silently, listening to the conversation he could not follow; his mind being too preoccupied with a whirling mess of feelings, thoughts, fears and regrets. But damn that commander sounded ill! Kajiwara was now standing right behind him, just enough close to reach him with a single step. He didn’t dare to breathe, just stood there gathering his courage, watching Gewelt’s talking face in the reflection of a blank screen on the captain’s table.

Wait…

The instant their eyes met, Gewelt turned around and smashed his elbow into Kajiwara’s stomach with all his strength. The squadron leader doubled over and took a couple of steps back, fighting for air. The world was spinning before his eyes and a feeling of nausea hit him.

“So this is how it is then?” Gewelt rasped. He stood by the captain’s table, holding his hand over a certain spot on it, panting. “Varilov!” He turned around and swept his forehead with his palm. “Is this really it then, Varilov?”

No-one dared to move or even make a sound, Varilov least of them. Terror had stabbed through his heart and frozen him.

“You know what I’m holding my hand over, Varilov? I always knew you were a clever kid.”

“You wouldn’t dare…” Kajiwara hissed through his clenched teeth.

“I wouldn’t?” Gewelt let out a short, cynical laugh and turned to Kajiwara. “I also know you’re not the brightest of the lot but I assume you know where we are and what will happen if we make our location kno… ohhh fuck!”

It didn’t require more than a sudden, wrenching sneeze to distract the commander enough to give Kajiwara a chance to turn the tables. The next moment he had swiftly locked Gewelt’s hands behind his back, holding the man still while the commander let out two more completely unrestrained sneezes.

“H’ESSCH-ghh…ESSFCT!” Gewelt’s whole body jerked forward with the wildly spraying sneezes, making it impossible for Kajiwara to hold him still. It was like riding rodeo.

“Watch his hand, Kajiwara, he’s got a stunner on his belt!” Varilov cried. But Gewelt had already managed to fumble the handle of a small, flimsy looking, but very likely functional stunner hidden just under his coat.

But despite his graceful build, Kajiwara was surprisingly strong. Grasping Gewelt’s wrist he managed to twist it so painfully that after a short fight the commander couldn’t help but realise he was losing. And from the corner of his eye he could see Varilov and Gill moving towards him.

This was it.

“We’ll all go to hell then!” he rasped, and with the little strength he had left, Gewelt managed to jerk forward and slam his left elbow onto the far end of the table.

The radio connection had been opened. They could all hear it on the bridge; it was the Captain’s log that was being broadcasted, starting from February the 8th.

Norris jumped up from his chair. “We’ve been discovered by their radio tracking and they’ve already locked on us! As we’re within the red sector they’re not even giving us a chance! They’ve released homing type VA-W-362 nuclear torpedos!”

“How long until impact?” Varilov asked.

“About seven minutes, sir, we can’t outrun them.”

Lieutenant Gill grabbed the mike by the captain’s table. “All hands evacuate! This is not a dr…” was all he managed to say before a bullet hit his neck. He tumbled on the floor, limbs twitching in agony. And in his hand Gewelt was holding a gun with the Cherkasky family crest and a smoking barrel. He stood there pale and feverish, his eyes and nose streaming and still looking stern enough to intimidate the weakest and inspire awe in others. There was something truly sad about the whole picture, and for a moment Varilov felt sorry for him, sorry for anyone so fundamentally alone, someone treating himself so badly. But recognizing the crest awoke him from these thoughts and anger flooded over him like a sea of flames.

“You goddamn traitor, you’re sending us all to our graves!”

“Better than serving your filthy criminal rule, Varilov.”

Those few men left on the bridge fled in fright, leaving only Gewelt, Norris and the three officers behind. Lifepods were being launched and everyone was trying to save themselves as well as they could, even if they knew it meant inevitable imprisonment by the enemy.

To Kajiwara’s dismay the stunner had cracked when he had wrenched it from Gewelt’s hand. Nevertheless he tried to grab Gewelt’s arm to disarm him, but was drawn into a desperate tussle. Finally with Varilov’s help they managed to force Gewelt to drop the gun. Without thinking Varilov kicked it away in the direction of the navigating table.

It was Norris who picked the gun up. He lifted it with his shaky hands and took aim. “Stop! Stop or I’ll shoot!” he screamed.

They all fell silent.

Finally Gewelt spoke. “Good, corporal! Now help your commander to sort this out.”

“But…”

“No buts, Norris, you know I am your commander and the only one who can help you out of this.”

“You’re a traitor, and a murderer, Gewelt!” Varilov cried.

“Oh shut up! If our government wasn’t full of cowards they would never had sided with a damned mob family. You’re not stupid, Varilov, you know just as well as I do what the ‘executive government’ is.”

“Silence!” Norris screamed and swept his pale, sweaty face with his free hand. He was close to panic. “Just shut up and move away from each other… Not that fast! More, more… Now stay still. I think I need to shoot someone.”

“No you don’t, Norris, just calm down!” Varilov cried.

“Varilov, who do I shoot! Help me, Varilov! I don’t even know if I can!”

“Shoot no-one, Norris! Just… I need to think ok?” Varilov was holding his head.

“I think I need to shoot someone, Varilov!”

“Just calm down, Norris! Calm down and… shit! I need to think!”

Norris stood still, holding the gun in his shaky hands, his mouth hanging open, moving as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t get it out.”

“Norris, I am your commander. Do as I say…” Gewelt’s voice was cool on the surface but tight underneath like a string stretched to the point of snapping. He turned to his right, bent over and sneezed incredibly wetly. “H… H’ISSCht-hnghhh! …H’ESSCH-hnghh…” then wiped his face on his sleeve, groaning and cursing aloud.

“But… but you’re a traitor!”

“Traitor to a band of thugs, Norris! Hand the gun to me, corporal. You want to be taken as a prisoner? They will not go easy on the filthy criminals of the League. Hand the gun to me, Norris, and I’ll protect you.”

“Don’t listen to that bullshit, Norris! You know he’s a traitor. He’s a.. he’s a murderer!” Kajiwara cried.

“That little punk doesn’t know what he’s talking about! Everyone knows that a mob family governs the biggest nation in the league. Think about it, Norris! They made you serve under a member of a damned Russian mob family!”

Finally Kajiwara’s temper flared out of control. At that moment it didn’t matter to him whether he survived or not, as long as he could take Gewelt with him. He turned around to fall on Gewelt and they both tumbled to the floor.

No-one knew why Varilov did what he did. Most likely he sensed a new danger, and being positive that Norris would never really shoot him, he tried to stop him from acting in haste. Speculation suggested that perhaps his mind had become confused by his detestation of such rash actions, or that he was afraid that Norris would panic and shoot Kajiwara. But what was obvious was that he believed that Norris would do something stupid; something Varilov wanted to stop him from doing. And thus he suddenly stepped in Norris’ direction, calling his name with his hand raised in the air. And that’s when Norris, bewildered and terrified, aimed and fired, crying aloud in fright.

Varilov stumbled and fell to his knees, still staring up at Norris, looking lost and pained.

Kajiwara raised his head and saw Norris aiming at him, panting and sweating, tears running down his cheeks. He also saw Varilov lying on the floor in a puddle of blood, trembling and whimpering in agony.

“What the fuck have you done, Norris? Just… fuck! Why did you shoot him? Why…”

“I don’t know Kajiwara! I…” his face was twisting in distress. “I don’t know, he scared me, this is all fucked up Kajiwara I…”

Kajiwara was long gone beyond self-preservation. He crawled beside Varilov. “Shit, Norris, you fucking shot him! You shot him in his fucking chest! He’s going to die, Norris, he’s in agony because you shot him!”

Norris didn’t answer. Varilov was wailing silently and coughing up blood, his eyes wide open, staring helplessly at Kajiwara.

Kajiwara bit his fist and trembled. “Norris,” he finally said as calmly as he could. “I don’t care if you shoot me. Just as long as you shoot that damned Gewelt too. First he killed your captain and now we’re all dying because of him. Just make sure he doesn’t escape. But if you want to save your sorry ass you can grab Varilov and take that mechdiver to escape.”

“But… I can’t pilot it…” Norris stuttered.

“Shit! Just hit everything at random and you still have more chance of surviving than you do here! I honestly don’t care a fuck about you, I’d rather see you dead for this, but you might have a chance to save Varilov.”

“Go.”

“What?”

“Go.” Norris was not even looking at him. Everything in his face was immobile, except his mouth that was moving separately from everything else, like the mouth of a broken robot. “I don’t know who should live or die… but I didn’t mean to... Varilov… It was a mistake. Go now before I might… do something.”

Kajiwara nodded. As carefully as he could, he helped his wounded friend up. He was never one to be afraid of blood, but now when he saw his clothes and hands dyed red, he suddenly felt sick enough to make him grit his teeth and shudder violently. Varilov cried out in pain.

“Easy, Varilov, just hang in there. We’re leaving the ship.”

Kajiwara didn’t look back, not even when he heard a gunshot and another just before the hatch slammed shut.

…

They reached the shore. Kajiwara dragged Varilov’s limp body out of the cockpit and held him in his arms, calling his name hysterically. His voice fell silent as he frantically felt for Varilov’s non-existent pulse and his gaze was met by a pair of cold, lifeless eyes reflecting the pale shades of the sky. Kajiwara hadn’t even noticed that tears were welling in his eyes; were already streaming down his twitching cheeks as he broke into heartbreaking, convulsive sobs. “Varilov, say something, Varilov!” he cried, sobs and sniffles smothering his shaky voice as he combed Varilov’s hair with his stiff, trembling fingers, but Varilov was not there to answer. Kajiwara’s mouth twisted as he raised his face towards the mute skies and gasped for air.

The colossal waves of the North Atlantic raged on the shore as the bitterness and helpless grief raged in Kajiwara’s chest. He howled and the wind howled with him, he screamed and the seagulls screamed on behalf of his crushed heart. Whatever sorrow was buried into the depths of his soul surfaced with the hot cascade of his tears.

…

Svetlana Ivanovna Varilov received the quiet young man dressed in a naval uniform in her family office. She was nervously biting her long, blood-red nails, as something about this encounter filled her with inexplicable anxiety.

“Lieutenant Kajiwara, madam. I have something to be delivered directly to you.” Kajiwara fumbled the inside of his coat, digging up a ragged notebook. Carefully placing it on the desk, he bowed lightly and took his leave.

Lieutenant Kajiwara clenched his fist inside his pocket as hard as he could as he heard her first cries.

THE END

[Jemmabean]

What an end to such an epic tale!! I really have got to read the other eight chapters now, so that this might make more sense (male sneezing or no male sneezing, Shiny, your writing rocks!! ).

[crazy_cat_girl]

:omg:

But....but....but...he died...and...I liked him...

Don't worry, I'll get over it! Just...this was a totally amazing story and you should consider publishing it or writing a novel with the idea! I mean, the whole world you created was fabulous!

Thank you so much for writing this! It was great.

[HisPet]

I don't know what to say...

Somehow I expected a sad ending, it was just too intense for anything but that...but still...I'm saaaaaa-ha-ha-haaaaaaad*joins crazy_cat_girl in crying*

Not only did he die*sniff*...the story's over too!And it was such dirty fun to read it! Thank you!!!

Yay, you got a deal *jerks at the leash*Milan, c'mere!!!

[Vetinari]

This story has everything. Angst and tears, contagion and mess, sneezing and fever, gorgeous men and action filled adventure!

And congratulations on completing it and everything remaining in character right to the bitter finale!

[doggo]

Thank you for comments and kindness! They really encourage me to write more. I will post here a little epilogue of some sort I wrote at some point when I was curious to see what would happen *after* the story. But before that - answers for all!

TYS, as totally flatterd as I am that you would take the trouble of reading a fic that has nothing to do with your preferences, OMG NOOOO IT'S ALL SPOILED NOW!!!. Aww, but really, I'm quite flattered if you take the time to read it. And yeah, I like epic stories...

crazy_cat_girl, thank you! It's weird, Varilov is definately the kind of character I feel hard letting go of, but I didn't see any way around it. The drama needed it. But I'm very flattered by your commnet; and actually the world this story takes place in is something I have played with a bit more; actually, I have played with an idea about a non-fetish story that has to do with the other submarine (the sister ship) mentioned here. And as the conflict has to do with colonizing Mars and sabotaging the efforts of the competing party, I happen to have an idea of a third story that is placed in Mars after one party succeeds... and well, a third one about... It's weird, it really is a scifi-world that is quite alive to me, with characters in at least 3 generations. I have too much time, obviously!

HisPet, you're keeping Milan on leash???? Ummmm... I'm not actually sure if I will borrow Kajiwara to you... Thank you. I am very glad if I managed to produce something that is of "dirty fun".

Vetinari, I'm so glad you think that way! And especially that the characters seemed to stay "in character". I felt that was probably the hardest part, especially when the situations chance. And thank YOU for all the support and help.

And now for the epilogue...

---

What happened to Kajiwara?

I like to think that changed by his experiences on Denkiunagi he became a highly respected man, rose through the ranks on astonishingly young age, admired by his underlings and trusted and respected by those above him. And one day he was even offered a position of his dreams on one of the first battle cruisers sent to space. But he never took that position as he could no longer bring himself to be parted from the sea, which was not only the grave of his two dearest friends, but also the only one left of the three that could soothe his feelings of loneliness and his fiery temperament.

Obviously the higher-ups did not appreciate his decision and he was pushed aside, but he never complained. And later when he was already a veteran with streaks of grey in his hair, it was that what saved him from the executions when the league finally broke down. He retired to his homeland and died later of old age, surrounded by his family, and the wild roaring of autumn sea in his ears.

[HisPet]

Awwwwww...what a sweet epilogue. I hope you didn't take the "dirty fun" the wrong way, I didn't mean to reduce your wonderful story to mere *rrrrrrr*...I'm sorry*bows*

P.S:Ach no, sorry to have scared you^-^...he's keeping ME on leash

[doggo]

Awwwwww...what a sweet epilogue. I hope you didn't take the "dirty fun" the wrong way, I didn't mean to reduce your wonderful story to mere *rrrrrrr*...I'm sorry*bows*

No no no I loved the "dirty fun". I'm very glad and flattered about it.

P.S:Ach no, sorry to have scared you^-^...he's keeping ME on leash

RAWWWRRRRRRR!!!

[chui]

*wails and moans* omg...Shiny... this was pehnomenal... a truly wonderful ending to an excellent peice of fiction... it gave me chills.... loved it.... simply loved it...

[doggo]

Thank you Chui. I'm so happy to hear this because I was seriously afraid I couldn't pull the ending together in a satisfactionary way. Thank you hanging on until the bitter end and encouraging me with sweet comments. Glad you enjoyed it.

[chui]

oh darling, it was simply wonderful!!! i only wish i had been able to comment sooner... *kicks lump of discarded computer peices* i really...really... REALLY liked your character development, and you wrapped everything up so nicely...