How did you tell someone?

[Morgancer]

I've known about my fetish for about two years now, and it really bugs me that I've been keeping this really big secret from my parents for so long. I'm afraid that my parents will think I'm some sort of weird freak or something and ban me from the forum (which I would hate since you guys are all so supportive). So, I'm putting out the question: How did you tell someone. Be it your parents, siblings, friends or otherwise, how did you tell them and how did it end. I hate the secret business but I'm afraid to "come out" to my family.

Please respond so that I can start thinking about it.

Love you all!

[Guest]

Be careful. I told my first person at age 14, and that friendship group never viewed me quite the same again. People can be assholes and not treat you right.

HOWEVER

I told my best friend about a month ago, and my girlfriend the week later. I sat them down and told them I wanted to tell them something very personal that I was very insecure about, and then I told them I had a fetish, then I told them it was for sneezing. I let that sink in and asked them how they felt. They were both fine, understandably a little wierded out as its unusual, but neither cared really.

[Morgancer]

Thanks so much! You are a total lifesaver!

[count tiszula]

I've never told anyone in my family, and frankly I would not advise anyone to do so in normal circumstances. In fact I can't think why anyone would want to.

As to others, I have only told girlfriends who I was fairly sure I could trust to keep the matter secret, and I sometimes wonder if even that was unwise. Caution is the watchword.

And welcome to the forum!

[love_my_wifes_sneezes]

I've told my wife, but that's it. I also can't imagine telling my parents. Now granted I'm considerably older than you, but even if I had fully understood the fetish back when I was your age, I still can't imagine telling my parents. Many parents already have a hard enough time just talking about sex in general with their children, I'm not sure how they'd handle something that at least some would not consider exactly the norm.

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong or odd about us for having this fetish, as there isn't. Just that many people would not consider it normal.

[chui]

hi, and welcome. ive told a fair few people about the fetish, indeed, im not very secretive about it. However, i have NOT and DO NOT intend to tell my parents. I've told my aunt, who helped raise me, and is really a cross between a roommate and a mother, but i couldnt imagine talking to my parents about this. for me, it comes down to two things.

1. i dont really care to talk to them about my sex life, in any terms, much less those that deal with my preferences and fetishes.

2. my stepfather is uber religious, and not very open minded, (bad combination) and would most likely tell me its from the devil or some such nonsense, which will in turn result in me getting fed up and walking out. (i was almost disowned for trying to date outside of my race, and other such inanity)

as to the other poeple ive told... i never really planned out how i was going to tell them... it came down to them being people i talked to already about my sex life, in all the not-so-juicy details, and this was just another tidbit to throw out there. really, i see no problem with telling people, but this is an intimate detail of your life, and i wouldnt recommend telling people you arent comfortable telling other intimate details to. i can understand feeling guilty about keeping something hidden from family, especially parents...i have an incredibly overdeveloped sense of guilt...and i try to tell just about anything... and its only now that im older that i can sit back and say "this probably isnt as big a deal as im thinking it is...so i shouldnt be worried about NOT telling" i dont know your family situation...you may be very close to your parents, you may be incredibly comfortable with them...you may tell them all the major details about your relationships and such... and if so, then i wouldnt see any need to keep this back...but if you dont already tell them things like that, id be a little hesistant, and would have to really think about what/how to tell them. only you know your parents well enough to know if they would see this as "weird" which could make you feel horrible....or "ok" which still might make you feel a bit weird.

good luck with whatever you decide, and i hope for the best for you.

[I_Adore_You]

Wow, I can't imagine telling my family. Namely because it's an aspect of my sex life, which I don't want them to have anything to do with. Personally, I wouldn't recommend it, but that's just me. If you feel as though your family is open-minded enough to handle it, I guess you should go for it, but only if it feels right. As for me, I've only told my past significant others and one of my best friends. They handled it quite well. In fact, they didn't even seem to be that weirded out at all.

I wish you the best of luck in making your decision and I hope that if you decide to tell your family, they will handle it well. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

[Guest LadyErisana]

I'd have to agree with you...Ive never told anyone, nor do I plan on it. Not even my boyfriend will know unlesse absolutely necessary. (and I highly doubt anything will be serious enough for me to release such information. unfortunately, a lot of my fan fic revolves around that, and i dont want him to read it.)

[Chris]

I have told probably around...8-10 people in total (so far) and not one has had a bad reaction. A long time ago I actually wanted to tell people, but I would feel weird about doing it, so what I ended up doing is simple. I would go into random chatrooms, and just blurt it out to random people, just doing that actually helped me gain the courage to tell someone I would actually know. It has never backfired on me, but I think that's just lucky, REALLY LUCKY!

[Hypnos]

I actually told my closest two schoolfriends over a game of "truth or dare" poker - altlhough that became just "truth" poker, and eventually it transpired that all three of us were guarding something, so we drew cards and in order of lowest card first told our deepest secrets, and that was mine. Certainly made it easier. I had to go last, and rather than flat out tell them, I let my friends work it out via clues, and confirmed their correct answer. I was idly playing snooker at the time, possibly to distract myself from the situation!

That said, I'm glad I came clean. It was a liberating experience and my two friends were very understanding, with of course the caveat of teasing me a little from time to time!

[Mr Sneezy]

I've never told anyone in my family, and frankly I would not advise anyone to do so in normal circumstances. In fact I can't think why anyone would want to.

As to others, I have only told girlfriends who I was fairly sure I could trust to keep the matter secret, and I sometimes wonder if even that was unwise. Caution is the watchword.

And welcome to the forum!

Got that right. Certainly never family. Why would you want to?

I've told partners and on a couple of occasions, it had a hand in damaging the relationship. My current partner doesn't know and nor will she ever.

Always think hard about the person before you say anything to them.

[daystar428]

I've only been able to do it until the person guesses it right because the words never are able to form when I try to do it myself. I've told approximately ten to fifteen people, all friends and one family member. One other time I was able to write it down, but I think its a little bit healthier to talk it out. The good thing with guessing is they guess TONS of fetishes before sneezing and they get sooo curious and each time so far, by the time they've gotten to sneezing they say its not bad at all. Some say its cute. Some say that cool. Some have then asked questions which can be exciting and fun. I like telling people because I its so interesting to be able to just randomly have it be brought up like regular conversation later on. Good luck!

[love_my_wifes_sneezes]

That's an interesting idea Daystar, making them guess at it. And I could certainly see where after some of the more awful choices had been spoken out loud, that this would seem almost harmless.

[Chris]

I think when it comes to guessing, many people would probably guess ones that are much worse and weirder than sneezing. I've done that a few times, I think 2 to be exact. After they would quit guessing I'd say something down the lines of the shocker, then the truth. One time I said "I have a fetish for dogs drinking milk out of my mouth." After they looked really grossed out, I would tell them what it really was, resulting in them saying "Thank God it wasn't the first!"

[Morgancer]

So, I've been looking at everyone's comments and saw that pretty much everyone avoids telling their parents. I understand that, except I'm going to be living with my parents for the next five years and the chances of them checking my internet history on my computer is very high (my parents do that sort of thing to me). THere's also the thing that I hate my parents not nbeing able to know something. It's just that in my household we're pretty open about everything and I feel that I'm keeping this big dark secret that will someday slip out at the wrong time and I'll be completely unprepared to eplain it.

I don't know, I'm pretty confused on the whole topic. You guys have been great, though, helping me with this decision. It's really hard write now, what with me just becoming a teenager and all. I feel like this, however much I enjoy it, has become just another burden in my already crazy life.

[chui]

oh hon! if you really want to tell them, and you feel like you need to, then it is the right thing for you to do. its never good to keep things secret until they make you feel all twisted up inside.

im not sure which parent you are closer too, but you might consider sitting down with one of them first...it might make it easier on you, and them. for many girls, it is easier to talk to their mother about things like this, if you are like this, it might be less embarassing for both of you to do so without your father there.

good luck with whatever you deicide, and we're here for you if you need us.

[love_my_wifes_sneezes]

I understand that, except I'm going to be living with my parents for the next five years and the chances of them checking my internet history on my computer is very high (my parents do that sort of thing to me).

Morgancer,

That does change things a bit. And as a computer consultant, I actually have to say that I applaud your parents for doing that. Something that I tell everyone that I know who has kids, is to pop in unexpectedly every once in a while, as it is the only way to protect kids from some of the people and horrors on the internet.

Not that I want you to lie to your parents or deceive them, but it is actually possible to erase your internet history.

On the other hand, while it won't be easy, I rather suspect that you may well have to tell them about your fetish. Otherwise the only other choice would be to stop visiting this site and any similar sites. And that would also be sad, as it would prevent you from chatting with people who have the same fetish and can understand where you're coming from. Plus of course, I think that we'd all hate to loose you as a member. Of course that could also happen anyhow if you do tell them or they find this site on your computer.

I suspect that you may have no choice to tell them, but that's not going to be all that easy. And if this site does come up, you should at least point out that the staff here takes great care and pain to exclude X-rated material from minors, as well as to protect all members (not just minors) from unsolicited contact by other members. Not to mention that it takes more than just the click of a button to become a member that can contact another member privately.

Even though I'm still a relative newbie as a member, I've followed this board for a while in the shadows, and Facebook could have learned a trick or two from the policies that have been in place here for quite some time.

Returning to your problem though, I think that you have a very tough choice to make. Tell your parents up front and hope for the best, or risk discovery which may be even less pleasant, or say goodbye to us for a few years until you are of age. It's not an enviable position to be in and quite honestly none of us can really tell you which the best choice is. Only you can make that decision. About the only thing in consolation that I can tell you is that no matter what you choose, you will be taking one big step towards adulthood and helping to prepare yourself for the future as an adult where you will almost undoubtedly encounter equally tough and painful decisions.

I wish you all the best and all the wisdom possible as you make this decision. And if at all possible, please let us know what you decide and how things work out for you. Good Luck!

[Jess]

The only person who knows is my husband. He accidentally found it in my history( I forgot to clear it- oops). He just laughed. Now he teases me each time he sneezes and he says "Betcha liked that one!" No one else knows though. I didn't even know it was a fetish until probably a couple of years ago when I stumbled across the forum. I knew it was something I enjoyed, but I never really knew how to describe it!

[Morgancer]

Oh man, you guys have been so great about this, and I think that I've come to a conclusion: I'm going to tell my parents. Maybe to avoid be found out unexpectedly, or maybe jut because I think they should know about what I've been hiding all the time. I'll make sure to tell them all the good things about this site and how supportive you guys have been to me. So, wish me luck! I'm going to try to do it tonight with my mom (she's pretty good with my angst-ridden sob stories) and hope for the best. I'll give you guys the verdict later!

Thank you so mucher to everyone who's contributed to my decision!

[chui]

good luck hon!