Rule 27

[silentdreamer789]

Fandom: NCIS

Spoilers: None

Season: Any from three onwards.

Written for matilda3948 as part of a fic exchange. Check out her Gibbs fic, 'Sick as a Dog', which is AMAZING!

**********

“Hih…Hih…” Ziva waved her hands in front of her face in frustration. Tony, who had just entered, gave her a strange look, then turned to McGee, eyebrows raised in question.

“Stuck sneeze.”

“Ah.”

“Hih-choo! Hi-TCHOO! Ziva snapped forward with a pair of harsh sneezes.

“Bless you. That’s two. Only eight more to go.” Tony sighed. “Looks like there’ll be extra reports for us today, Probie.”

Ziva blew her nose softly. “What are you talking about?”

“It’s one of Gibbs’ rules. Number…25?” Tony looked towards McGee for confirmation. “I thought it was 24...”

“Whatever. Sneeze more than ten times in ten minutes, you have to go see Ducky. And then home.”

Ziva sniffed. “I do not beh…beh…Hi-TSHooo! Excuse me. Believe you.” She dabbed at her nose with a tissue and shivered.

“Bless you. That‘s three. In…what, five minutes?” Tony made a show of looking at his watch.

She scowled. “Gibbs follows his own rules. I do not believe that he would consent to see Ducky just for a few sneezes.”

“Ah, but Gibbs never gets sick, Ziva.”

“Everyone gets sick.” She sniffled softly as if to underline her statement.

“Not Gibbs.” McGee shook his head.

“Not Gibbs, what, McGee?” They all whipped round to see their Boss coming towards them, coffee in hand.

“Uhm…we were just…uh…telling Ziva about rule number…24?” Gibbs frowned and McGee looked to Tony for help. “The one about being sick, Boss. Number 25. C‘mon, Probie, get it right!” He gave a mocking grin, before yelping as Gibbs’ hand made contact with the back of his head as he turned his attention to Ziva. He was just in time to see her lose her battle with the sneeze she’d been holding in for the last few minutes. “HIH-shoo!” He watched silently as she blew her nose.

“You sick, David?”

Ziva shook her head at the same time as two voices chimed in ‘Yes’ from the other desks. She glared at them. Gibbs stepped forward and gave her a searching look. She sniffled self consciously.

“It is just a stifle.”

“Sniffle.” Murmured Tony. “And that‘s the fourth sneeze in nine minutes, Boss.”

Gibbs turned and glared at him before turning back to Ziva. “You seen a Doctor?”

“No. I am fine.” She sneezed twice, and he raised his eyebrows. “It is just a slight cold.” She amended. “I am fine, really.” He stared at her for a few more minutes before nodding and making his way to his own desk. He paused before sitting down. “Oh, and Ziva?”

“Yes?”

“It‘s rule number 27. You sneeze that often, you‘re too sick to work.”

***********

Ziva sniffed and snuffled her way through the rest of the morning, her cold growing progressively worse as time wore on. She’d so far managed to avoid sneezing enough to be sent to Ducky, though it had been a near thing several times. She felt miserable, nose red and sore from blowing, head throbbing from congestion. She was looking forward to the lunch break, when she intended to find the nearest drugstore and purchase the strongest cold medicine possible. She knew that she should really go home, but her pride wouldn’t let her admit to being brought so low with a mere cold. She was a MOSSAD officer, and she would not be defeated by this. It would not stop her doing her job.

*************

Staggering out from the drugstore, Ziva turned and sneezed wetly to one side, arms full with cold medicine and tissues. “Hi-Tishoooo! Ugh…!” She gave a thick sniffle as she made her way across the street into a small park. Collapsing onto a bench, she ripped open a box of tissues and blew her nose thoroughly, before blearily scanning the label of the medicine she had brought. Never having had occasion to buy such things in her previous stays in the US, she had found herself at a loss, and, not wanting to ask for help, had eventually settled for grabbing the nearest one.

She popped two pills into her hand, and was just about to swallow them when she was hit by a sudden sneezing fit. “Hi-Tshooo! Hi-TISHoooo! HishOOO! HishOOOOO! Hih…hih…HIH-TISHOOOOOOO!!!!!! HISHOOO!” She was unable to prevent a slight moan of discomfort from escaping as she blew her sore nostrils into a thick handful of tissues. This only served to further aggravate her tickling nose, and she sneezed again, hard. “HIH-TCHOOOOO! Hi-Tshoo! Hih…Hih-TCHOOO! HIHSHOOOOO!” She shivered violently as she blew her nose yet again.

“Bless.” The soft, familiar voice came from behind her, and she started, her stuffy senses having completely missed his approach. Gibbs came and sat beside her, draping his thick coat over her shoulders as he did so. On any normal day, she would have shrugged it off, irritated at any implication that she needed help, but today, the warmth was so comforting that she simply snuggled further into it, nodding her thanks. He handed her a steaming paper cup that she recognised as being from his favourite coffee shop, but when she took a tentative sip, she found tea with lemon and honey, something she would never normally let pass her lips. Today, though, it soothed her throat and helped warm her, so she continued to sip at it, sniffling. They sat in silence for several minutes, before the steam irritated her nose, and she sneezed yet again, fumbling for tissues while trying to avoid spilling her drink.

The problem was solved as Gibbs deftly swapped the cup in her hand for a neatly pressed handkerchief. She tried to refuse. “Gibbs…I cannot…I…HIH-SCHOO!” His look had her resignedly blowing her nose into the soft cloth, relieved at the lessened pressure on her nose. After a few minutes, she sat back, sighing stuffily.

“I am fine.” But she could hear the congestion creeping into her voice, and her nose was still tickling. Gibbs gave her a look. “Rule number 27. You’re going to see Ducky.” He raised his voice. “DiNozzo! McGee! Get over here!”

The two men emerged sheepishly from behind a nearby tree. “Uh…sorry, Boss. We were just…”

Gibbs ignored the stumbling apologies. “DiNozzo, take her to Ducky, then drive her home. McGee.”

“Yes Boss?”

“Go and buy some proper cold medicine.”

McGee produced a small plastic bag from his coat pocket. “Already done, Boss.” Tony followed suit with another bag. “And we got soup, and crackers, and-”

“DiNozzo.”

“Boss?”

“Ducky. Now.”

“Yes Boss.”

“Oh, and DiNozzo? McGee?”

“Yes Boss?” They yelped as his hands met the back of their heads. “If you’re gonna eavesdrop, don’t argue about it when you’re less than two metres away from the conversation.”

********

“Well, my dear, you certainly have a nasty cold.” Ducky clucked in sympathy as Ziva sneezed yet again, handing her a handful of fresh tissues. “Bless you. It‘s been years since I last saw quite such a bad head cold. I remember…” Ziva sneezed again and gave a violent shiver. Ducky patted her shoulder. “But perhaps that is a story for another time. I prescribe bed rest, tea, and some nice hot soup. And of course, no work for at least a few days. You must go straight home.”

“But Ducky, it is just a cold! Hih-TSHOOO! Hih-TSCHOO! You said so yourself.” She protested. “I am fine. I do not need to go home. HIH-TSCHOOOOO!”

A chorus of ‘bless you’s echoed around the room. Tony grinned sympathetically. “C’mon, Ninja chick. You can barely stop sneezing long enough to deny you’re sick. Go home. Probie can do your reports.”

“Hey!” McGee scowled at him, before turning to Ziva. “We’ll do your reports. Tony’s right, for once.” It was Tony’s turn to scowl. “And besides, Gibbs ordered you to. You really want to argue with him?”

“No, she doesn’t” Gibbs exchanged a grin with Ducky as his team jumped at his sudden entrance. He turned to Ziva. “David. I spoke to the Director, and you’re off for the rest of the week. I see you here before Monday, I will personally see to it that you are on archive duty for the next six months. Is that clear?”

Ziva sniffled. “Gibbs, I am fi-”

“Is that clear, Officer David?” Gibbs’ voice was not raised, but it held a dangerous undertone. Ziva nodded, defeated.

“DiNozzo?”

“Yes Boss?”

“You have the rest of the day off. Drive her home, see that she’s got everything she needs. McGee?”

“Yes Boss?”

“You too. Stop them from killing each other.”

McGee looked apprehensive. “I’ll try, Boss.”

*************

“Hih-Tshoooo! Hih-Choo! Hi-Tshoooo! HIH-TSCH! HIIIH-TSCHOOOO!” Ziva groaned, all pretence of health now gone. She gratefully accepted the tissues handed to her by McGee, as Tony deftly slid a tray of soup, crackers and tea onto her lap.

“Thank you.” She addressed them both. Her voice was heavy with congestion. “You did not have to-”

“We wanted to, Ziva.” McGee smiled nervously. “It’s miserable being sick by yourself.”

“Yeah.” Tony chimed in. “And besides, how else are we supposed to get an afternoon off work? Ow! Hello Boss. How did you get…never mind. Hi Ducky. Hi Abs.”

The three new arrivals made their way into the room. Abby immediately curled up beside Ziva, offering Bert for comfort, while Duck sat in the armchair to the side and started enquiring about her health.

Gibbs took in the scene. Ziva sat curled up on the couch, wrapped in a thick, soft blanket. A box of tissues was on the arm of the couch beside her, and a tray of food was perched on her lap.

“Good job.” He admitted to the two men responsible, and they both grinned proudly. Turning to sit on a nearby chair, he tossed a couple of DVD’s towards Tony. “We are NOT watching Star Wars again, DiNozzo.”

“But Boss! It‘s the best sick movie-”

“Hih-TSHHHOOOOO! What is going on?” Ziva looked bewildered. McGee filled her in. “This is the second part of rule 27, Ziva. No one goes home alone.”

The End (Tada!)

[matilda3948]

Awww...I love it to tiny little pieces!!

Don't sell yourself short--it's delightful!

THANK YOU!

[stargazer]

That was really cute.

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

Aww! So much love! Ordinarily, I'm just a sucker for Gibbs sneezing, but this was so well-written, and so cute, and so perfectly them. Gibbs, especially, of course, but also Ducky and Abby (and Bert), and Dinozzo and McGee arguing...amazing. I can't wait to see more NCIS fics from you.

Abyssinia,

Barrie

[Jules]

Haven't see a lot of NCIS, but this is just great... the dialogue, the banter, everything!!! Thank you.

[krazykat]

OMG that was SOOOOOOO them!!!! Great characterisation... I read the whole thing hearing the actors voices in my head it was THAT good

You have a gift my dear and an added bonus was that the whole thing was very funny... Star Wars indeed!

[silentdreamer789]

Thanks so much for all the lovely comments. I have a couple of other NCIS fics which are WIP's atm, but maybe now I'll finish and post them...

[sneezinglover]

I love NCIS and Ziva and this story was so awesome! Thanks so much