Business

July 22, 2008

This is my first story (to be posted and ever written) so please be nice :drool: . Constructive criticism is most definately welcome :drool: I only posted a small part for now, but I hope to have more up soon

Fandom: Eastern Promises

Rating: Maybe PG

Summary: Not really sure where this story'll take me yet

Characters: Nikolai (played by Viggo Mortensen) is a driver for a division of the Russian mafia. Heavy Russian accent.

Kirill (Vincent Cassell) is the mob boss's son who isn't well received by his father. Haevy accent as well.

Anna (Naomi Watts) is a local midwife who is thrust into the mafia world because of a baby. She also has some feelings for Nikolai...

Now, onto the fic

“heh-ItkSHAH”

Kirill sneezed violently for what had to have been the eleventh or twelfth time since falling into the Thames River. He had gotten drunk earlier and somehow managed to fall in. Nikolai, unfortunately, as Kirill’s driver and bodyguard of sorts, had to go in and drag Kirill out. The two of them walked back to where they had parked the van; in a deserted alley about a mile up from where they had dumped the body of an enemy of the “family”. Kirill had shivered and sneezed the entire way, still drunk and ranting about the bottle of vodka he had lost when he fell in. After around three more sneezes, they reached the van.

"Davaj, Kirill", Nikolai pleaded in Russian, finally getting Kirill into the van and getting sneezed on twice in the process. Nikolai walked around to the driver’s side and started the engine or, more importantly, the heat. He had had to get Kirill out of the river, thus he was cold and shivering badly as well. After the heat came on, the van settled into silence except for the hum of the vehicle.

“Nikolai”, came Kirill’s now strangely quiet voice, “don’t tell Papa I was drunk.”

“Da, da, Kirill” Nikolai said quietly, nearly a whisper. He knew that Kirill liked his liquor and that Krill would have hell to pay if Semyon caught him as drunk as he was during Christmas. While pondering these thoughts, Nikolai sniffled, quickly rubbing away a small tickle that had begun building in the upper part of his sinuses. He sighed and hoped he wasn’t coming down with whatever Kirill had.

“Heh-ISSHUH, KKshh, Shh” Kirill sneezed loudly the first time, interrupting Nikolai’s thoughts, and stifled his other two sneezes into near submission as they neared Semyon’s restaurant.

“Bud’ zdorov” Nikolai called to him, swinging the van into the lower parking garage beneath the restaurant.

“Spasibo”

Semyon was waiting for them once they pulled in. “Did you finish the job?” He asked politely enough but Nikolai always heard a spiteful undercurrent to his tone.

“Don’t worry, boss, police won’t find anything.” Nikolai assured gently, crushing his knuckle briefly against the underside of his nose. His nose was becoming increasingly more ticklish and, Nikolai noted irritably, his throat was starting to acquire a prickly sensation whenever he swallowed.

Semyon nodded sagely and looked first at Nikolai and then his son. “How did you both get so wet?”

“Well… papa… we got rid of body, like you said to, and I slipped… so, Nikolai had to help me out of the water.” Kirill shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. “Huh-TSSHUH, huh- chisshhoo, Chish, Huh-kssh, CHISHAH! Kirill had steepled his hands over his mouth and nose for the last sneeze and quickly decided that it would be a bad idea if he removed them now. Kirill sniffled pathetically through his fingers and looked towards his father.

"Disgusting" Semyon spat and promptly walked out of the room. Kirill sighed, sniffled, opened the van door, and sat down on the padded floor, sneezing again.

Nikolai watched this whole display quietly from a corner of the room. As he had been watching the two of them, that damned tickle had returned. He sniffled and continued rubbing at his nose. None of it was working. Suddenly the tickle began to fade. Nikolai sighed softly in relief. The tickle quickly returned in full force

"Huh-Chessh, tch!" The first one caught him off guard and was definately audible while the second one had been quickly stifled.

" Did you just sneeze?" Kirill asked, cocking his head to the side a bit like a dog

"Yes."

" You sick, too?"

" No, was just a sneeze." Nikolai answered, hoping to change the subject. "How about we get something to drink?"

Kirill's face broke into a smile. "Yes!" Kirill sprang up from the back of the van and headed out of the parking garage at a brisk walk, most likely making a beeline for the black Mercedes parked in front of the restaurant. "Hurry up, Kolya! You are the driver!"

"Coming, Kirill" he said softly, wincing at his new nickname. He started to follow Kirill, trying to sniffle back an oncoming sneeze. He failed.

"huh-EKISSHH, Tsshuh, ISH" Nikolai had loosely covered both sneezes. He winced at that last sneeze though. It was wetter than he would have liked. He reached into his pocket, grabbed his handkerchief and wipied off his hands.

"Kolya, hurry up!" Kirill shouted impatiently

Nikolai sniffled and continued walking towards the car. He honestly hoped those sneezes had been random and not a sign of actual illness. He worked for the vory z zakone. He could not afford to be ill. Also, he had to meet with that Anna tomorrow.

Nikolai soon reached the car where Kirill was waiting. "Ready to go Kolya", Kirill asked as Nikolai slipped on his driving gloves.

"Da, Kirill" ha answered, starting the car once Kirill got in.

Oooo, TBC

Feedback and constructive criticism are much appreciated. I would love to be able to improve my writing

July 22, 2008

Whoops, forgot translations

Da- yes

Bud' zdorov- pretty much sayin "bless you"

Spasibo- Thanks

Davaj- come on

July 22, 2008

Great start. Never watched it, but your summary was enough to get me into it. Really looking forward to more...

July 22, 2008

I'm impressed because I wasn't too lost in the storyline even though I've never seen it. Great work! I thought the use of sneezes were good too because tey weren't over or underdone.

Thanks for writing!